DISCLAIMER: This story is not for those under the age of 18 years (21 in some areas). It includes discriptions of male/male sexual acts. This story includes celebrity persona; however, it is not meant to imply or suggest the sexual orientation of those celebrities.
------------------- Getting Reaquainted ------------------- by Neil My e-mail address is SilverNeil@hotmail.com ICQ # 49278358
Part XVII ---------
Brian kissed him. Brian is kissing him again.
The guy says, "I really enjoyed this afternoon. I had no idea when I woke up this morning that anything like this would happen. I mean, wow, to meet Brian Littrell at the restaurant, then you invite me back here...wow." He laughs. Okay, the guy's cute, even if he is a bit obvious. It's a little comforting to know that Brian cheats with taste.
Brian: "Well, I normally don't do anything like this during the day, but Jerry, when I saw you...." I notice he's using his 'sex voice.' Which means they did what I think they did.
Jerry: "Oh, stop." He blushes. "So you said you'd call me next time you're in Denver?"
I have an idea. I have still have my appointment book out....
Brian: "Yes, I will. I promise."
I step out from behind the corner. "Would you like me to keep track of his number for you, Mr. Littrell?" I have my pen in hand, ready to write.
When Brian sees me, he immediately drops Jerry's hands. "Uuumm....Chris...you....you're back....uuuhhh."
"OK, so we have Jerry in Denver." I write it down. "I assume you have his number?"
Jerry smirks at me, then at Brian. "Oh yeah, he has it written down somewhere. Bye, Brian. I'll be expecting a call." He puts his hand on Brian's shoulder, then slides it down his arm. He walks by me to the elevator. I watch him until the doors close, then I turn back to Brian, very very slowly. And I'm sure the look on my face is not something he likes seeing.
"Chris, I....it's....you w....ah, shit." He doesn't move from his spot in his doorway.
I don't say a word. I walk to the door to 407, which is across the hall from Brian, and open it. I throw my smaller bags in through the door, then come to stand in front of Brian. I point into his room, and he walks back in. I follow him in, and close the door behind us. The first thing I notice is the messed-up bed. I point to a seat at a round table, and he sits. I walk over to the nightstand, and open the drawer. I knew it would be in here: his ring. I take it and close the drawer. I walk back over to the table. I take my ring off; it's the first time I've had it off since he put it on me. I put both rings in one hand, and slam them down hard in the center of the table. I sit down opposite Brian. I cross my arms, motion with my head towards the rings, and say calmly, "What do those mean to you?"
"Chris, I just"
"WHAT_do_those_mean_to_you?"
He sits there silently, staring at the rings. Tears started a while ago, but now they're intensifying. Through a lot of sniffles, he says, "They mean the world to me. They mean we're together, the two of us. They mean we love each other above and beyond anything else. They mean....they mean I'm a terrible husband and a terrible person." He crosses his arms on the table and lays his head on them. He sobs uncontrollably for five minutes. I don't do anything to comfort him; I just sit here with my arms crossed over my chest. "Christopher, I don't know what to say for myself. I just went a week without you, and"
"And I went a week without you. But I didn't do anything like this."
"...and you weren't supposed to be back until Sunday..."
"THAT is supposed to make it alright?! What I can't see can't hurt me? Damn it, Brian...."
"No, that's not what I meant...I don't know what I meant. I don't know why I did it. I don't know anything!" Again he puts his head down and sobs. After a few more minutes, he looks me in the eyes. "Christopher, I promise this will never happen again. I love you more than life itself. I don't know why I did it. I just can't believe I did it. I'm so stupid...." He is really beating himself up about this. I can feel my resolve dissolve, but I steel myself once again. He should be beating himself up about this. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I really hope you can. I don't know how to prove to you that this will never happen again. I do love you more than anything. It - he - didn't mean anything to me. I just....I promise you it won't happen again."
I take the two rings from the center of table and get up. I walk around it to him. He looks up at me. "Your hand." He sticks out a hand. I put the silver ring with a yellow stone in it. When he sees which ring he has, he looks up at me with a look of shock and hurt. I can leave it at this: he has the ring he bought me back, and I have the ring I bought him back. That would mean we're split. And truthfully, I am so hurt by and angry at him right now I feel like I could do it. But then that rational part of my mind speaks up and tells me that I'd hate myself later. So I put out my right hand, with the pinkie towards him. The hurt/shock look fades as he slips it onto my finger. Then I take his right hand and slip his ring back on. One more look into his eyes, then I leave.
I exit his room, and close the door behind me. The tears start. "Hey, Chris! I didn't...whoa, what's wrong?" The voice from down the hall belongs to Nick. I just cross the hall to my room and open the door. I notice all of my bags are in here. Nick comes into my room behind me. "Chris, what's wrong?" He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me to face him. I just bury my head in his shoulder. He leads me over to the bed, and we sit down.
"I can't believe he did this to me! He said he loved me!" I cry out, not really meaning for Nick to know what I was talking about. I just said it to get it out. "How could he do this? Why did he do this?!? I love him, but he...." I can't continue because I'm crying too hard. Nick puts his arms around me.
"Chris, you're going to have to calm down. What are you talking about? Is it Brian? What did he do?" The phone rings. Nick answers it. "Yeah?...It's Nick. What did you do, man? Chris is over here bawling his eyes out.....YOU WHAT??!!...Brian, just shut up. I'm sure he doesn't want to talk to you. Heck, I really don't feel like talking to you, but I'm coming over right now." He hangs up the phone, then picks it back up. He dials. "Kevin, get to 407 right now....Just do it." He hangs back up. "Chris, I'm going to go get to the bottom of this thing with Brian. Kevin is on his way over. Are you going to be okay?"
I nod my head. "Yeah, but you really don't have to go talk to Brian. I mean, he"
"I know I don't have to, but I want to. I wanna know what was going on in that fucked-up head of his." I could tell he was angry too. There was a knock on the door. Nick got up and answered it. Kevin saw me crying on the bed. I watched as they talked quietly. Nick motioned at me, then over to Brian's room. The Kevin got a shocked look and looked over to Brian's room. He started to go over, but Nick stopped him. It looked like Nick was telling Kevin that he would go over and for Kevin to stay here with me. And that's what happened. Kevin came over and sat beside me.
"Chris, I don't know what to say. I usually speak in Brian's defense, but this time...I'm just not sure what he was thinking. Are you okay?"
"I'm not right now, but I will be. I just don't understand it, Kevin. I just don't."
"Me either, but one thing's for sure. Nick is going to give him a yelling-at that he won't forget." He chuckled, but stopped when he saw that I wasn't in the mood for laughter. "So, when did you get in? And how did you get a room here?"
"I got back...oh, I don't know...15 minutes ago. And AJ got me the room."
"AJ? Don't you think that was a bit risky, putting some responsibility in his hands?" This time we both chuckled.
"Well, not to offend you or anything, but I just thought that maybe you couldn't keep a tasty little bit of info like this from your cousin. See, I wanted to surprise him, and I suppose I did that. However, I wasn't expecting to have a little surprise myself."
"You mean you actually saw...uuhh"
"No, just the aftermath. The cute little goodbye kisses in the hall."
"Whew....I mean, not that that's a relief or anything, but"
"I know what you mean, Kevin. If I had come probably 10 minutes earlier, there'd be a media circus over the dick-less Backstreet Boy who was rushed to the local hospital." Neither of us laughed at that because we both knew I was getting angry again. "Shit, Kevin. It was perfect until that wedding. Heck, that's only been a week ago. And now everything's just"
I was interrrupted by a knock on the door. Kevin got up to answer it. AJ was at the other side, looking at Brian's door. "Hey, Chris, what's" He turns to face my room and jumps back when he sees Kevin standing there. "Shit, Kevin, you scared me to death. Where's Chris?" Kevin steps aside and motions to me. "What the hell happened?" AJ walks in, and Kevin closes the door.
I just looked at him. I couldn't say it. When Kevin saw this, he talked for me. "You know Chris was coming back earlier than he said to surprise Brian. Well, it seems that Brian had a gentleman caller."
"He what?" I knew AJ knew what Kevin meant, but he just had to be 100% sure.
This time I said it. "He cheated on me. The fucking bastard cheated on me." I started crying again. Kevin rubbed my back as I sobbed, and AJ went to the bathroom to get me some water.
AJ asks, "I guess that's why I heard Nick yelling in Brian's room." Kevin just nods. There's another knock on the door. Kevin answers it again. It's Brian. AJ mutters, "Shit."
Kevin: "Brian, I don't think he's really in the mood to"
"Yes, I am." I get up off of the bed and stand up. "Now, if you'll all excuse us." AJ and Kevin cautiously step out into the hall to join Nick, who was standing in front of Brian's room. AJ closes the door behind him. As the door clicks shut, I shift my eyes to Brian. His eyes are all red and puffy, tears are running down his face. He starts to walk towards me. "Don't, Brian."
He stops. "Why? Chris, I love you so much. I'm so sorry, please don't turn me away like this."
"I'm not turning you away. I just don't want you so close to me right now. Please respect that." He looks into my eyes and nods his head. "Who was Jerry?"
"What?"
"Who was Jerry?"
"What do you mean? Why is that impor"
I interrupt him. "Brian, I just want to know. I want to know what you did today. Now sit down and tell me."
He sat in a chair. "We have a whole day off. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, so I woke up late. I decided to go to a restaurant to have brunch. Just me. While I was eating, Jerry came up to me. He introduced himself and told me he was a big fan of the group. I invited him to join me while I ate, for the company. I don't know why, but I ended up inviting him back here to the hotel."
I just nodded my head while I digested the story. "I am giving you just one shot at a decent, rational explanation. You have all the time in the world. Starting now."
Brian sits in the chair and stares at the floor, thinking. Seeing that he is going take me up on my offer of 'all the time in the world', I pick up my bags and start unpacking. Occassionally I glace over at him. I can see the gears working in his mind. His facial expressions change while he thinks of his explanation. I can also see that he's very mad at himself and is still beating himself up. Good, at least I don't have so much to do.
-----Out In The Hall-----
Nick, AJ, and Kevin stare at Chris' door for a moment. Then Kevin says, "I think we'd better head back to our rooms or whatever. We don't know how long they'll be in there, and it certainly wouldn't look good if we were just staring at the door when they do come out." Nick and AJ nod, and the three separate.
-----Back in Chris' Room-----
I finish unpacking and grab a chair. I drag it to a place beside a wall and sit leaning back against the wall. Brian sits up straight and looks at me.
"Alright. For the past few weeks, things have been just great. Since we've been back together, I'm the happiest I've been in my whole life. We spend so much time together, and it's wonderful. We're so close, and I really like that. But when you went away this week, I missed that. I'm not as close to any of the guys. But when I met Jerry this morning, he reminded me so much of you. So outgoing, carefree, and caring. He has the same eyes as you; that's what got my attention. And he treated me like a normal person, despite his being a big fan. I just saw so much of you in him. And I just thought that we were the closest when we made love, so I thought that maybe...somehow...that could make up for the feeling on loneliness I had when you were gone. I know that doesn't justify what I did; nothing does. But you wanted an explanation, and that's the best I can do."
He sat silently as I pondered. "A question: is that the truth, or are you just trying to flatter me?" I look deep into his eyes, daring him to even think about lying to me.
And he knew it. He knew that if he lied to me, that was it. And he knew that using that story to flatter me wouldn't have been in his best interests. "That is the truth, Christopher."
Still examining those eyes, I can see that he is telling the truth. I nod my head. "Now I need time alone."
He doesn't move. Instead he says, "I love you, Christopher. And only you. I know you might doubt that right now, and I can understand why. But I just want to make it clear. I love you." Then he gets up and leaves my room.
As the door comes to a close, I whisper, "I love you too, Brian." I move over to the bed and lie down. I quickly fall asleep.
The ringing telephone wakes me up. "Hello?"
"Hi, Chris, this is Kevin. We're all going out for dinner. We'll understand if you don't want to, but we'd like it if you came."
"Yeah, sure, I'll go."
"Okay. Are you sure?"
"Yes, Kevin."
"Okay. Meet us in my room. 413. Bye."
I got up, straightened my clothes and my hair, and went to Kevin's room. He, AJ, and Nick were there. "Hey guys, where's Howie?"
AJ answers, "He left way early this morning to spend the whole day with some friends of his who moved here about a year ago. We're going to meet him at the restaurant." Brian knocks on the door, and Kevin lets him in. When he sees me, Brian lowers his eyes to the floor. I feel kinda sad for him, but I can't just forgive him like that.
Nick says, "I guess we're ready. Let's roll."
AJ, Nick, and I sat on one side of the limo, while Kevin and Brian sat on the other. Kevin sat across from me. Brian looked out the window the entire time. Nobody said anything the whole way there.
We got our table; Howie wasn't there yet. The server takes our drink orders and leaves. "So, Kevin, update me. What's this week look like?"
He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out an appointment book. He hands it to me. I open up. "It's not too much, Chris, just a lot of bus traveling." He gives me a concerned look, then quickly shifts his eyes to Brian then back to me.
"Hhhhmm....I see." I give him a half-smile, letting him know that I can handle it. The others notice it as well. But not Brian; he is just staring down at the place where his plate should be.
"Hey, guys, what's up?" Howie says as he comes towards the table. "Chris! I wasn't expecting you back so soon. That does clear some stuff up. hehehe"
I give him a weird look. "What exactly does that clear up?"
"Well, uummm...last night."
"What about it?"
"My room is right next to Brian's..." He lowered his voice, "...so I kinda heard you two." Kevin gives Brian an awful look. Nick and AJ just have looks of disbelief.
"Howie, I wasn't in last night."
He gets a puzzled look. "Then what...?"
I turn to Brian. "Yes or no: Did Howie hear sex noises coming from your room last night?"
His face turns red, and I already know the answer. He can't look me in the eye. In a barely audible whisper: "...yes...."
Kevin hisses across the table, "Brian!"
"No, Kevin, don't." Kevin, AJ, and Nick look at me. "I am going for a walk right now. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know when I'll be back at the hotel. But I don't want you four tearing into him. Can you promise me that?"
Nick says, "What?! What do you...?"
"I mean what I said. Don't say a word to him about it, don't yell or anything. Now promise me."
Nick nodded. Kevin, AJ, and lastly Howie nodded. I stood then looked down to Brian, who was covering his eyes with his hands. I leave the restaurant.
The cold night air almost instantly freezes my nose. I pull my coat tighter around me. I can see the large neon sign of our hotel from here, so I'll make a big circle path to get there. I start out.
I think, "Why is this happening to me? I don't understand why he did those things that he did. Today's incident seems to be explained, but what about last night?" The reality hits me like a freght train: He is still just a horndog. "No, I can't believe that. He isn't. He has shown that to me. He waited until we were 'married'. Ugh...'married'. Cheating husband. Gee, that one's new. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. Not only what he was thinking when he was doing these things, but also what he is thinking now. Does he really regret it? If I were to leave again, would he do the same thing? And would he be able to rationalize his way out of all of his troubles? No. This is it. I can't take any more of this. I can't believe he didn't tell me about last night! True, I wasn't exactly in the mood to hear it, but to have to hear it over dinner.... Plus, I don't think he was going to tell me about it at all. 'I didn't get a lot of sleep last night...' he said. I didn't even think about the possibility that he was being a tramp then too. But I love him. I really do. And I think he loves me. No, I know he loves me. The two of us make love; he just has sex with the rest of the civilized gay community." I actually find myself smiling at this thought, but the smile quickly fades. "What if these people go out and tell? What if he didn't use protection with them? What if he finds one that he actually likes better than me? I can't believe this is happening to me."
-----Back At The Restaurant-----
None of the Boys have said a word since Chris left. Brian hasn't been able to look up at any of them. Nor can he eat. He thinks, "How could I have done this to him? I can't...I don't understand this. I know I'm the one who did all this, but I do't know why. I know I love him. And I kow he loves me. I'm such an idiot. Brain, what the hell were you thinking?" Brian gets up from the table and goes to the bathroom. He stares at his reddened, sick face in the mirror. "Well, moron, what have you gotten yourself into?" He wishes the reflection could give him an answer, but he knows it can't. He goes back out to the table. A couple minutes later, they leave the restaurant.
-----Chris-----
I find myself at the entrance to our hotel. I check my watch. One and a half hours ago I was leaving the restaurant. I sarcastically think, "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." I enter and head up to my room. Fumbling with my gloves and keys, I drop the key-card to my room. Bending over to pick it up, I am startled when I stand back up and see Brian. He's standing at the door to his room, turned sideways to me. I give a weak half-smile, then insert the keycard into the lock. He does the same. I open my door and take one step inside. I hear his door open. "Brian." He stops and turns to me. "Good night."
"Good night, Chris." He lowers his head and goes into his room, closing the door behind him. I stand there for a few seconds. I look at his door and mouth, "I love you."
-----Brian-----
'Geez I thought I wouldn't have to run into him tonight.' "Goodnight, Chris."
I walk into my room, and close the door. I have to see him. I look through the peephole. 'What is he doing just stading there? Wait, he's turning. Is he coming over here? No. He just mouthed "I love you"!
"I love you" I manage to whisper. I know he couldn't hear it; I guess it was just so I could hear it. I do love him. But I hate myself. How could I do this? How could I ruin the best thing in my life?
-----In Chris' Room-----
I drop everything onto the dresser and quickly remove my coat, letting it fall to the floor. I whisk off my shoes, and I change into my night clothes. After quickly brushing my teeth, I lay down. I set the alarm and turn off the light. Sleep evades me for an hour. In this hour, I continue thinking about what has happened. However, I am still unable to come up with any answers.
To Be Continued....