Gaym

GAY*M

By Sean

Sean_dude88@yahoo.com

This is a sort of crossover story I guess, combining science fiction, fantasy, and gay humor. It is not the usual sex-filled jerk-off story, but I hope it may entertain. It is based loosely on "Another Fine Myth", one of the Myth (or MYTH) series by Robert Asprin, 1978, which is, or was, available in paperback from Ace Books, New York, 18 years later in 1996.

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GAY*M part 01, IMP-ported trouble.

So here I am, about to join the GAYM -- Galactic Alliance of Young Magicians -- as an apprentice magician capable of working on more than one world -- with the most unlikely instructor, but I'm getting ahead of myself. You see, GAYM wasn't just a Galactic Association, it was quite often a Gay Association. It fit my original instructor well. He was sort of a fairy godfather -- oh Garkin may have Looked like Marlon Brando, but I doubt he could have fought his way out of a paper bag without magic. And he had his quirks. Sometimes I wondered if he was going to me my mentor, or just demented! He definitely enjoyed playing with his wand, and with other people's wands, if you know what I mean, but then I had the same tendencies. That's what got me kicked out of school and out of home at 16. Yeah, I'm gay. As a 16-year-old gay, a guy doesn't have a lot of prospects except to become a thief, or an apprentice to a boy-lover. I'd been both, but I decided even if I spent more time in his bed than in his books, if I learned anything that I could use later then the life of an apprentice beat the uncertainty of life as a thief. Still, I was beginning to have questions.

"What's so great about being a magician?" I asked my teacher, Garkin. "So far I haven't seen anything that gives me much to look forward to. From the looks of this hut, you seem a poor peasant."

"A magician that flaunts his skills and basks in wealth is soon dead -- either killed for his wealth or for his power," my teacher replies.

"His power?" I asked.

"You'll understand one day. For now, I'll show you a little demonstration of the power you may one day wield, if you keep practicing that is." Garkin picked up the spell book and strode off to his cabinet of potions and ingredients, stopping only long enough to make a pentagram upon the floor and animate a small copper cauldron which was now following him about like a dog hoping for a treat. It was this animation of objects that first attracted me to study magic -- I thought it might come in handy if I could learn to animate someone's wallet my way, for example. I had very much wanted to learn levitation. And Garkin had wanted an apprentice.

I watched Garkin get another of his spell books, then drop a dash of this and a dollop of that into the cauldron, muttering all the while, his nose still in the book. A noise outside the hut caught my attention. What was it? Some animal I supposed. Couldn't be a bounty hunter (on this planet, magic, beyond entertainment, was not much encouraged, Garkin had pointed out). Bounty hunters could sense magic if it was in great enough strength, so Garkin ALWAYS set protective wards (though he'd never explained how they worked) before beginning any Grand magic. But, This time I couldn't remember Garkin setting the wards-- he'd been so eager to show me whatever it was he was cooking.

I was just wondering if I should interrupt Garkin in his work when he stopped and turned to me.

"This is a lesson in control, Skeeve. Power without control is disaster. To demonstrate the value of control, I will now summon a demon, a being from another world. He might kill us if given the chance, but we need not fear because he will be controlled, trapped within the smoke of the pentagram."

Garkin spread his hands and the five candles at the points of the pentagram sprang to life. They did not burn as ordinary candles, but gave off a sort of blue light, giving the room an eerie glow.

Garkin began to chant and a sort of smoke, or cloud, or fog, began working its way out of the cauldron. The smoke cloud, or whatever it was, began to take shape, like a shadow. Then there was a voice.

"Isstvan ssendss hiss greetingss, Garkin," it lisped, or hissed.

I nearly jumped out of my skin, for the words came not from the shadows before me but from somewhere in the room behind me. I whirled around wondering what sort of demon Garkin had summoned and why it was NOT controlled within the pentagram. It appeared to be a man, but what I focused on was the crossbow cocked, loaded, and leveled towards Garkin, which did little for my peace of mind. Garkin's words came back to me " he might kill us if given a chance." While the figure hadn't acknowledged me yet, I figured he wouldn't want a witness to a murder, if murder were his plan.

Garkin had also spun around to the voice. A flash of light shot from Garkin's hand, but too late. Reflexively, the man loosed the bolt from his crossbow just before the firebolt from Garkin hit his face. On fire, the man dropped and rolled, screaming in agony as his head disappeared in a sheet of fire. The flame disappeared almost as suddenly as it had come leaving only a smoldering head; the rest of the body seemed unharmed. It took me a few minutes for me to remember the other member of the fight and turn to where Garkin had been standing.

Garkin's form was a crumpled lump on the floor. I knelt beside him. The crossbow bolt protruded from his chest with silent finality. Garkin had given me my last lesson.

Now I noticed something else. The room seemed to be getting colder, and darker. The large candles at the points of the pentagram were going out, and, once out, the protective spell would be broken. Turning back, I peered to the smoky haze and was surprised to see two yellow eyes gazing at me.

Once in the woods, while hunting small game, I had shot a bird that, though wounded, had escaped into a thicket. Following the bird into the brush, I'd discovered I was not the only hunter; I'd come face to face with a great wildcat. The eyes and face before me now were like that, only higher up than any cat should be. I wondered if I could get the crossbow before this creature could attack.

What was that noise? A low rumble, the start of a roar? Was the creature before me about to pounce? No it was more of a cough. It came again. "Gaah. Jeez, Garkin, ya think ya made enough smoke? And what's that smell? It's like you miss-mixed your ingredients, burned dinner, and left your socks on the radiator." Then noticing me, he addressed me, "Old guy went all out for ya -- he must really like ya kid."

"I beg your pardon," I said, because I didn't know what else to say. The figure before me was sort of humanoid -- the way an ape is sort of humanoid -- and like an ape it looked like it could crush me or rip me apart with its bare hands. I was surprised at how cat-like the figure appeared -- like one of the figures from the musical Cats, on steroids! Or maybe like the Sphinx come to life.

"I bet he said I'd be cold, vicious and bloodthirsty," said the demon, chuckling, "and you bought the whole line, didn't you? What else did old Garkin say about me? And who's that on the floor there? Come on lad, I don't bite, at least not without reason." I nearly fainted.

Then he noticed the figure on the floor WAS Garkin; he saw the arrow in Garkin's chest and recoiled.

"Wait a minute. Did You do that?" he asked, pointing to the arrow.

"Oh no sir!" I replied, wondering how quickly he could bite my head off. "I'm Garkin's apprentice, well, I was."

"No kidding? So old Jerkin' Gherkin Garkin got himself a new boy toy. A little tickle the pickle pal. You 18? What's your name? How long have you been with Garkin? You're a good looking lad, Garkin's one indulgence."

"I'm Skeeve. I'm 17, well almost, and what are you talking about?"

"Garkin and I are old friends, or were. I guess Garkin was waiting `til You came of age, but sex is usually part of the deal with apprenticeship. Teacher gives you knowledge, you give him pleasure, and Garkin's something of a boy lover. He'd have gotten into your breeches eventually, or tried."

"Oh that!" I replied. "Yes I believe I've spent as much time in his Bed as in his Books, still he was pretty good to me. But, if you don't mind my asking, how did Garkin meet a - a Demon like you?"

"Did Garkin tell you anything about travelling dimensions?"

"Travelling demon suns?"

"Oh good pun!"

"Huh?"

"Well you know your sun, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you know your sun is a star, and that there are lots of stars in the sky, right?"

"Yeah, I'm with you so far."

"Well many of those stars, like yours, have planets around them. You call that a solar system. We magicians call it a dimension, especially when we travel from one to another -- fact `demon' is just a short nick name for dimension traveler."

"Oh, so you and Garkin are, or were, Both magician demons: magician dimension travelers; is that it?"

"You got it kid!"

"So, where you from? What's your name?" I asked.

"Aahz."

"You mean there really IS a Wizard of Oz?"

"Uh no. Aahz is my Name. I'll tell you about my Planet later. So what happened to Garkin?"

"Well -- maybe Garkin forgot to set the wards? -- someone came in, I guess he was a bounty hunter. Garkin wasn't quite quick enough, so he got shot, but he managed to fry the assassin somehow." I pointed to the charred corpse. "There's what's left of him."

Aahz went to examine the assassin. "Uh, kid, I'm guessing most people on this planet look about like you and Garkin. Am I right?"

"Well we don't look like You, if that's what you mean."

"But your people don't have a pointy chin, pointy ears, and horns on the head."

"You mean that assassin was a devil?" I gasped

"No doesn't seem quite like anyone from Deville," Aahz replied. "I suspect This was an Imp -- known for their IMP-etous acts, their IMP-ertinence, IMP-udence, and so on. If you ask me, they're IMP-ulsive, and Repulsive, but they're often hired as assassins. Wish we knew who sent him."

"Oh, in the shock, I forgot, but it's come back to me. He said something about Isstvan sending greetings."

"Isstvan?" Aahz seemed alarmed. "Kid, you can't stay here. I don't know what Garkin did to tick him off, but when Isstvan wants somebody dead he doesn't send just one assassin. Oh the others won't come right away," Aahz added, seeing me pale. "Still, when this guy doesn't return, they'll come to see if he did the job and took off with the spoils, or if he got killed in the attempt. You're lucky Garkin managed to fry this one. Assassins usually don't like witnesses, although an Imp might spare a boy like you -- to be HIS `apprentice,' and that's often worse than death!"

"Then take me with you!" I cried. "Wherever you're going has to be better than staying here!"

"Hmm. Well, I guess. Until I can think what else to do with you."

"So I'll be Your apprentice?"

"More like a sidekick. Just so you're not a kick in the side, or a pain anywhere else. All right, let's go!"

"But I don't know How to `go,' how to travel the dimensions!"

"Oh, right. And what was I thinking? We'll need a few things," said Aahz.

"I don't think you'll find much. `A magician that flaunts his skills and basks in wealth is soon dead -- either killed for his wealth or for his power' is one of the last things Garkin told me."

"Figures," said Aahz. "Garkin was probably afraid you'd try to rob him if you thought he had anything of value. I suppose you don't know about any weapons he might have -- he was probably afraid you might try to use something against him."

"Oh I'm sure he could have used his Magic against anything I could do."

"Maybe against You, but notice Garkin IS dead against a Real assassin. Well, let's see if he has anything on him." Aahz noticed the ring. "Hello, now this is the sort of thing I mean. Valuable as a gem, maybe, but I'm guessing the real value is magical. Kid, THIS is most likely how Garkin fried the Imp."

"Then aren't you going to take it?" I asked.

"Don't know how to use it," said Aahz, "and I wouldn't want either of us frying the other by accident. Still, we might be able to trade it, if I can get it off. While I work on this, see if you can find any gold, gems, weapons, anything that could help us either do battle or buy gear for one. You can start with that assassin's cloak."

"It's just a cloak, isn't it?"

"It's a reversible invisibility cloak. That's why you never see them until they want you to see them, which is usually only just before they strike. Off duty, they wear it like an ordinary cloak, but on the job they reverse it and --poof -- suddenly they're invisible. Only in bright light would you even see a shadow. And check his money purse, or wallet, or pockets. Assassins usually get half payment at start and the balance upon proof of completion."

"How do you know so much about assassins?" I asked.

"Dated one once," Aahz replied, "no not an Imp. But that's a story that will have to wait."

When we had found all that seemed likely to be found: a supply of gold items, gems, coins, and 2 knives (or dirks), and buried Garkin and the Imp, Aahz announced it was time to go. "Just hang on and do as I do," he told me. "Imagine yourself floating, flying; that's all you have to do. I'll take care of the rest."

I closed my eyes and imagined myself floating, as Aahz had instructed. This was not too difficult, as levitation was one of the few things Garkin had taught me. True, I'd never levitated myself before, but I understood the principle well enough to manage to hover a few feet above the ground.

"Oh no," Aahz cried.

"What?" I cried, opening my eyes. "I've never done this before. If it's not right, help me."

"I can't believe he'd do that to me, not as a joke, not even as a demonstration."

"You mean a Demon stration?" I chuckled.

"Not now kid."

"What's wrong?" I asked, touching back down to the floor.

"Garkin must have used a constraining spell."

"Oh yeah, he said you'd be `powerful, cruel and vicious' but you'd be controlled by the smoke at the points of the pentagram."

"And where did the Imp get fried?"

"Uh, I guess he was about at the far point of the pentagram. Why?"

"The smokes mixed. Kid, burned Imp ash added just as I was materializing had the effect of making that spell a lot stronger than usual. The only one that can reverse it is the one who cast the spell (and you'll notice Garkin is dead); or a wizard --magician far more powerful than I am, or one with the right magical tool to assist him, Might over-ride it. 'Constrained'? I'm STUCK here, powerless!"

"So what do we do now?" I asked.

"I guess I'll have to try to teach you enough magic to find the other Imps."

"But I thought we were going to try to Avoid those assassins!"

"You know where to find any Other dimension travelers, or magicians on this planet?"

"Uh, no."

"If we can find the Imps, maybe we can follow them. If I can teach you to tap into Their magic, maybe we can get off this planet and find help. I just hope they don't go straight to their own planet of Imp ewer."

"Impure?"

"Well where would you Expect to find an Imp?"

"So what's Your planet and what do I call You?"

"I'm from Purr. Our people are called Purrfect."

"Perfect?"

"Close enough! What I'm hoping is that the Imps will stop for the Devo market; that's sort of a Galactic truck stop and world fair -- the crossroads of the universe. If you can't find it at the Devo market, it probably doesn't exist, yet. By the way, don't call them devils, except the kids. The kids are little devils. The women are Divas, and the men are Devo. Anyway, chances are Isstvan will be there, looking for mercenaries to help him take over anyplace weak; it wouldn't be the first time he's tried. You see Skeeve; each world has a certain amount of energy or power that can be channeled into magic. The fewer magicians a world has, the more power each of them can have because it doesn't have to be shared. Now Isstvan, he doesn't want to share at all. I'm guessing That's why he sent assassins to take out Garkin -- probably one of the last magicians left in This world since the Muggles started their bounty hunting. Isstvan wants the power for himself. And he's not likely to stop here. He'll try every other inhabited world around until he can rule a whole dimension. That's why we have to stop him."

"We? Us? You and me?"

"It may not be much, kid, but it's all we've got."

"Do you really think you can teach me enough magic to have a chance of stopping him?"

"Of course," said Aahz, "now time for your first lesson."

"IS there time?" I asked nervously. "I mean if there ARE assassins on the way..."

"Relax kid, they won't be here for hours."

"Hours?"

"So I'm not up on Earth time. What do call the time between sunup and sundown again?"

"A Day?"

"I'm more a night creature myself," said Aahz. "Anyway the Imps won't be here for days. Now concentrate. Garkin Must have taught you about The Force."

"Well, he taught about Force LINES -- `the paths of a world along which its energies flow most freely' he said."

"Good, that's a good start! Force lines are both ally and enemy to a magician. While they give you power, they can also give you away -- see most magicians want to set up shop, or home, near or even ON, a force line, to have that energy near at hand, but this makes it rather easy for their enemies to find them. That's likely how Garkin was found. You know what a compass is?"

"It's a device that indicates magnetic energy. In the Northern Hemisphere, it points to the North Pole, where the magnetic lines are in such close proximity to create a magnetic center. It the Southern Hemisphere, I guess it would point to the South Pole."

"Very good! Well, close your eyes and imagine a compass that indicates MAGIC energy, pointing to the NEAREST energy source."

I did so. "Uh Aahz. The needle just kind of spins around slowly. Does that mean anything to you?"

"Just as I suspected," said Aahz. "We're right ON a force line Intersection! Now for the next part; do you know about meridians; longitude and latitude?"

"Yes, I had to learn those in school."

"Well try to see what direction the force lines go. Does the energy seem stronger in any direction? If so, that'll be where the Imps are."

I tried. "I'm sorry, Aahz. One line does seem stronger than the other, but I can't tell it's stronger in either direction; I just don't have the skill."

"Don't beat yourself up, Skeeve. It's nor your fault if Garkin didn't teach you."

"So where do we go?"

"Good question. We don't want to bump into the Imps unexpectedly, and we don't want them finding us until we're ready. I suggest we travel perpendicular to their line, the stronger line, for a day, then parallel to it for a day or two. If we don't find the Imps in the first try, I think we'll find them in the second."

So we started out.

"Hey Aahz, just how do I tap into energy on the march?" I asked after a few hours. "I mean with Garkin, I always had to gather energy from scratch. Garkin, on the other hand always seemed to be able to use magic at will, as if he'd built up a supply of energy."

"Excellent, my boy," said Aahz. "An excellent question that shows observation and curiosity. Simply create a space inside yourself and store some energy there."

"But how?"

"How do you usually get energy?"

"I'd stand still and imagine I was drawing up energy through my legs like a tree draws up energy through its roots."

"Well, as you step, imagine yourself pulling up new energy with every odd step, and releasing spent energy with every even step -- 1,2,1,2 -- but squirrel away some energy, in your muscles, in your mind, wherever works for you, and build up a reserve. Which reminds me. Think you've got energy right now?"

"I guess."

"So far, we've been in rural country, even in forest. With my advanced senses, I could avoid most earthlings, but if we should come across a demon hunter, or another assassin, my present appearance, and lack of magic, could be a `dead' give-away, so it's time you learn the art of transformation."

"Transformation? Is it difficult?" I asked.

"Not for one with ANY magic ability. It's deception, really," Aahz explained. "Your politicians and sales people have been using it for years, making snakes look like men."

"What do I do?" I asked.

"Disguise my features to look like a man, of course!"

"Ok, HOW do I do that?"

"Close your eyes, and picture another face beside mine," (all I could picture was Garkin) "now move the new face over mine and blend the features -- build up or melt away, like you were working with clay. Keep the image in you mind and open your eyes."

"Aahz. You still look Purrfect."

"Perfect? Why thank you."

"I mean you still look LIKE a Purrfect."

"Oh? Fetch the mirror from my pack."

I did so. Aahz looked at himself. "Garkin, huh? It'll do."

"Why don't I see you as Garkin?" I asked.

"You CAST the spell, created the transformation, the deception, so you aren't fooled, but anyone else will be."

"Why not just use the invisibility cloak?" I asked.

"Time factor," said Aahz. "In the time it could take to flip the cloak off, reverse it, and cover with it it, one or the other of us could be dead. I want my hands free for knife throwing, if necessary, but I don't want to have to knife first and ask questions later for everyone we see. "

We traveled on till almost dusk, then looked about and found a place to camp. After we managed to snare a rabbit for supper, Aahz said I should set protective wards about us. This was more difficult than simply drawing energies from the earth, for I had to transfer those energies into a sort of dome about us, and that meant setting energies into something not solid, indeed barely tangible, into the sky. In my mind's eye, a gleaming blue light appeared. With my finger, I `drew' this light in an arc overhead. As it touched down where I sensed the ground to be, I began the 2nd arc of protection, building a sort of force-field umbrella tent.

"Have I got it far enough into the sky?" I asked Aahz, without opening my eyes, without breaking concentration.

"FAR enough?" replied Aahz. "I'd say so, but you're pouring WAY too much energy into it! We only want it to be seen for about 5 meters. You've got those hot enough to show for 5 KILOMETERS!"

I opened my eyes and was surprised to see the lines actually GLOWING overhead like fireworks trails. Quickly, I made them fade to near invisibility. I could still FEEL their presence, but they appeared to be no more than thin clouds.

"Hey Aahz, just how to these ward lines work, anyway?"

"They're sort of a warning system. They should be just strong enough to make non-magic folk uncomfortable enough to turn aside. It's kind of like electricity. You ever shuffle over a carpet in your stocking feet then get a sort of sting, when you touch a doorknob, or a candlestick?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Well, that `sting' was electricity. In great enough strength it can light, burn, even destroy -- kind of like the energy Garkin used to fry that Imp assassin."

"Then don't we WANT high-energy wards?"

"Oh if we knew there was only ONE other magic being around, maybe, but there will be 2, 3 or 4 Imps most likely. They usually work in groups of 3 to 5, with the leader getting the first shot, and thus first choice of the spoils -- or, as we've seen, first opportunity to get killed. You put too much energy in the wards and you might as well put up a sign that says scared magician here' and that will be sure to draw them, cautiously. There ARE ways to get through wards if you're a magician, and if one of the Imps gets fried, the remainder will probably see how to get in, and I'm not sure you know enough magic yet to take them on. So we use just enough energy to make them say OW' and then we can have our knives and crossbow ready."

"So what's our plan beyond that?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You've mentioned the market, the Bazaar, and Divas and Devos, but I don't know anything about the dimensions or other peoples. I'd kind of like to know what to expect."

"Well, ...hush, listen."

I listened, but heard nothing more than a twig snap, which could have been caused by an animal, I thought.

"You have any bears around here?" Aahz whispered, "or moose?"

"I don't think so," I replied quietly, "the biggest animals I've seen have been wildcats and deer, well maybe elk."

"No cat would be that clumsy. Kid, I think we're about to have company." With that, Aahz disappeared beneath the invisibility cloak.

"Well Throckwaddle, I Thought that Might be your signal," said a voice from near the edge of the wards. Throckwaddle? I had just enough time to realize I was about the same size as the Imp that got fried, and try to make myself look like him. I felt a tremor in the wards as something or someone stepped through.

Then a figure suddenly appeared and I realized it had been wearing an invisibility cloak. It looked like I'd found one of the Imp assassins, or more accurately, he'd found me.

"I say, Throckwaddle," the Imp, now nearer, addressed me, "we were beginning to think you'd either botched the job -- that perhaps you couldn't find Garkin -- or that you'd gotten greedy and decided to forget us, until I saw the wards like a beacon. You've been holding back on us, didn't know you knew that sort of magic."

"Oh," I said, because I didn't know what else to say. "Us?"

"Told you he'd forget us, Brock," said a voice so close it made me jump.

"Oh show yourself, Higgins," said the first Imp.

Then, suddenly there was another Imp. "Let me refresh your "older, meaner Imp said. "That's Brockhurst, or `Brock' for short, and I'm Higgins. We're your partners, or were. I wouldn't mind you forgetting our names, so long as you didn't forget to share the loot!" The crossbow leveled at me looked familiar, and I realized it was the one we'd picked up from the real Throckwaddle.

"Uh, look guys, I'm sorry, but I've been a bit occupied with other matters." (I hoped I could stall for time. Aahz was my only hope. Where was he?) "There was something unexpected at Garkin's," I said.

"Oh?" said Higgins, the more cynical Imp, the one with the crossbow. "And what was that?"

Before I could, or needed to, think of an answer, Higgins appeared to trip -- or was he knocked to the ground?

There was a quick noise, like a flutter or wings, or the swish of a cape, and Aahz appeared, having pounced upon Higgins, and either shifted the invisibility cloak in the process, or reversed it back to normal so he could gloat. I quickly dropped the deception spell so he wouldn't look like Garkin, and was amazed at the result.

"This answer your question? You Imp Puer brat!" said Aahz.

"Good grief," said Brockhurst. "Higgins, don't move. There's a Pervert on your back."

"That's Purrfect," said Aahz, showing his teeth at Brockhurst, and leaning forward to retrieve the crossbow that had been knocked from Higgins' grasp.

"Oh, yes, so sorry sir," said Brockhurst with the fear that a 2nd lieutenant might show a sergeant major that he'd mistaken for a simple sergeant. "If you don't mind my asking, why are you here?" (I didn't know what reputation a Purrfect might have among Imps, but at the moment I was glad they were scared of him.)

"Well," Aahz began, "I was with Garkin myself, when Throckwaddle shows up, announces his presence, and shoots a quarrel into Garkin, saying it was a greeting from Isstvan."

"You revealed our employer?" said Higgins, to me, from underneath Aahz. "You fool!"

"You've seen how this guy moves," I said. "I didn't know there was a witness until it was too late."

"So I suppose you and Garkin were friends," said Brockhurst, and now that you've got all 3 of us you'll avenge him."

"Not at all," said Aahz. "Garkin and I had had an argument. I was on the point of attacking him myself, when Throckwaddle here saved me the trouble. But now I'm curious about this Isstvan. Was he just after Garkin, or does he have some distaste for magicians in general?"

"Isstvan hates just about everybody, as far as we can tell," said Higgins. "But before I say anymore, could you GET OFF ME?"

"Very well," said Aahz, getting up. "Now boys, I'm something of a mercenary. As you've seen, I'm great in a fight. So, I could offer my services to Isstvan, if the price is right."

"Why you conniving thief," said Higgins."

"Or I could just turn you over to the demon-hunting Muggles for the bounty."

"Not likely," I said, worried that Aahz might push his luck. "They'd see you're a demon too."

"Or I could have some fun with you," Aahz said, glaring at me with a look that told me to keep quiet. "I haven't had good sport for some time." The two Imps looked at each other with worried faces. "Pervert," muttered Higgins. Aahz was bluffing wonderfully.

"I've grown rather fond of Throckwaddle here, so I'd hate to have to kill you all. I'm reasonable. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours," said Aahz, revealing the sizable claws of one paw. His other paw still held the crossbow.

"No need to `scratch' OUR backs, sir," said Brockhurst. "But there's one thing I don't understand: If you wanted to meet Isstvan, and us, why didn't you wait for us?"

"Alas, patience is not one of my virtues," said Aahz, "especially when money is involved, as Garkin would have learned had Throckwaddle not beat me to the kill, for money had been the cause of my visit and argument with Garkin."

"You could have left a note," Brockhurst said to me.

"He did," said Aahz.

"You mean that `the ring bearer is gone, and so am I' note? Rather cryptic, don't you think, Rock? I figured that meant you'd killed Garkin and took off with the loot, leaving only his ring for the two of us, and leaving THAT only because you probably didn't know how to use it."

"I am the bearer of that ring," said Aahz, "and I'll thank you to return it if it is in your possession."

"Certainly sir," said Brockhurst, getting the ring from his belt pouch.

"Careful," said Aahz. "You know how to handle it? It could be dangerous in ignorant hands."

"That's why I wouldn't let Higgins have it," said Brockhurst. "Take it carefully, please, and don't press the sides at the same time."

"You mean like this?" Aahz quickly turned and fried Higgins. "Thank you, Brockhurst. I was wondering how to get rid of your rude companion." Aahz put the ring on his middle finger; luckily, it fit. "Ah, such a simple yet ingenious device," said Aahz. "Just press against it with the fingers on either side of it." Aahz told me later that he'd seen such rings at the Bazaar on Devo, but had forgotten how to use one until Brockhurst had reminded him.

"Well now," said Aahz, "would you two be so kind as to teleport me with you to Isstvan?"

"We may have a problem with that, sir," said Brockhurst. "I'm sure Throckwaddle would have taken you, if he could, considering your haste, but the truth is Throckwaddle and I are little more than apprentices. We can teleport over SHORT distances, once we're ON a planet, but Higgins there was the teleport expert, the real demon traveler to get us to and from assignments. In effect, you just fried our passport."

"What do we do now?" I asked, unable to contain myself any longer.

"We head to Doobwa," said Brockhurst.

"Doob wa? How would that help?" asked Aahz. "Even if Isstvan IS on the Cannabis planet, and that would explain a lot of his `dopey' behavior, how do we get there?

"Not Doobwa," said Brockhurst, "Dubya."

"How could Dubya, that mindless non-magical maniac, help us, even if he IS one of this planet's major elected officials?" asked Aahz. "And they say there's `intelligent' life on Earth!"

"Not Dubya,' it's D'bois -- do bwa' (or, more often now Da Boyz' -- the all-boy academy for G*A*Y*M. You know, a lot of your UFO sightings and abductions' are really students being taken to, and sometimes from, D'Bois. They've got a Devo there teaching the art of teleporting, among other things."

I'd heard some talk of this academy from Garkin, but it seemed a myth. I'd never have guessed it was on my own planet!

"Does Isstvan know about this academy?" asked Aahz.

"I don't think so," said Brockhurst. "Otherwise he'd likely try to either use it, or destroy it."

"Purrfect!" purred Aahz, and it took me awhile to realize he meant `perfect.' "This may very well be the key to our plot."

"What plot?" asked Brockhurst.

"Our plot against Isstvan," said Aahz.

"What?" asked Brockhurst. "The three of us against Isstvan, are you crazy?"

"No," said Aahz, "but I believe Isstvan is. Besides, it won't be just the three of us if we can get help from students and teachers at the academy.

(To Be Continued)