Don't read this if you aren't of legal age to view this where you live. It contains sexually explicit material. All names, places, and events are entirely fictional, and any similarities to real-life events are entirely coincidental.
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Delay doesn't begin to describe it, I pulled this out like an intestinal parasite. I'm back though, can't leave it as it is, or else it would keep haunting me every morning.
Does good and evil exist in this world? Are they separate like a pool of water and the air above it? Do dark grasping hands reach up from the depths and snatch the nymphs of the air that dance on the surface just because they can? Does the reverse occur?
I harrumphed to myself. So you see yourself as a fairy? As if.
What's the alternative though. Was I innocent? Maybe I deserve it.
Alex was wrestling with whatever his furrowed dark brows meant and whoever he was imagining when he clenched the wheel so tight. Should I hope it's me?
Morning had fully broken, and the gentle stirrings that typify the early dawn gave way to something decidedly unlyrical. Traffic.
"Goddamn," Alex cursed," It's fucking Saturday. Why are all of these people here."
Nacogdoches wasn't a big city, less than 40,000, it seemed odd to me that just as we got close it snarled up. At least until we got to the scene of the accident.
I looked as closely as I could without meeting the eye of the highway patrolman that waved us slowly by. From the looks of it, a car had veered a little far into the opposing lane when the road made a gradual turn. Nothing gory or anything, just twisted metal.
"The traffic is almost worth if it it means two fewer pickup truck drivers on the road," I quipped as we accelerated.
Alex chuckled and gave me a grin.
"I just think I'm the one corrupting you," He said and squeezed my thigh playfully.
"When the Spaniards brought smallpox, the Natives gave them Syphilis," I offered.
"I already gave you a phone last night, don't get greedy," He said," I'm clean."
"Except for the smell," I joked and he made a big show of smelling his armpits.
"We both need a shower," Alex agreed.
The big houses of the University town passed by, lawns that stay green all through winter, but the trees, apart from the always decked out pines and magnolias, were just beginning to bud.
"Did you grow up in a house," I asked Alex, breaking a lull in the conversation.
"Why? Does it really matter," He asked in return, looking forward at the road.
"I dunno, seems to. Ramen vs Fettuccine, steak vs spam. Everybody knows where they came from," I said.
He sighed.
"Most of the time. Grew up with my grandma, until my dad eventually came and got me," he explained," I guess I was 11 or so."
"Were you happy to go?" I asked.
He paused.
"Why the fuck are you so chatty," He exclaimed harshly," Don't you have anyone to talk to who actually likes sharing their personal details?"
"Guess I scared em all off," I said bitterly.
I didn't know what to do for him. I didn't know what to do for myself. In a movie, this is where we'd bring our own personal pains together and find happiness, but instead of mutuality, hurt just made us alien to one another.
After a time of silence, we pulled up to a diner, a Waffle House.
"My cousin probably isn't up yet, lets get something to eat," He seemed to negotiate, more eager to break this haze we were in than I was at that point.
I didn't want to follow him as he slammed the car door shut. Something a little below my heart was hurting and empty too, so I gave in and went in.
I ordered a waffle and sausage off the sticky laminated menu, but Alex didn't even have to look, telling our rangy waitress he wanted two over easy eggs, bacon, and a triple order of hash browns, smothered, peppered and country, in diner speak: with grilled onions, jalapenos, and gravy.
The place was fairly busy, lots of college kids, likely not any that we ran into last night. A more respectable crowd with some blue hairs and toothless husbands. I looked all around, but not at the guy I came in with.
Waffles may be my favorite food. The orderly rows and columns. It's satisfying to get a proportional amount of waffle, sausage, and maple syrup with every bite. Maybe when I can afford to when I'm older I'll have waffles every day, like a ritual. Lofty dreams indeed.
Alex was wolfing down his breakfast, but he seemed to be enjoying it. I at least had gotten some sleep before he picked me up, but I don't know what his schedule was like, he looked tired.
"Guess being on the road so much, you eat here a lot," I said, trying to resuscitate conversation.
"I do, love this shit," He said with a mouth of bacon, obviously in a better mood.
"Your cousin won't mind putting us up," I asked.
"Naw, family is family," He assured me.
"I'm not in your family. Should I uh, just pretend we're friends," I suggested.
"Why?," He asked, smirking between sips of coffee," We aren't friends."
"Are we...More than friends?," I floated hopefully, my heart rising in my chest.
A pause, then Alex asked," Is that what you want?"
Gosh, that was a question I wasn't presented very often.
"I...don't know," I lied. I did. I really did," Maybe I'm stupid, but I think we have a good idea about each other, even if we don't know a lot."
He just sat there, sipping his coffee, looking at me under those heavy lids. I felt nervous, like this was some kind of interrogation technique. He's just giving me enough rope to hang myself with.
"I don't mean to say I'm unhappy with the current arrangement, It's great," I ran off at the mouth," But I mean...you said you had other guys, you know, in every town. I don't wanna be tied up if you arent."
Very deliberately, he put his mug down and after giving me a blank look, got up, went to the register to pay, and left me to stew.
"Shit," I berated myself," You made a gamble and you fucking lost."
I kept my eyes in his direction, as he waited his turn, then handed our waitress a bill then walked out of the restaurant, all without so much as glancing in my direction.
I got deja vu. He was always leaving me. How could I be so foolish.
I slid out of our booth and tried to keep a stone face as I pulled open the door for an old lady and went out to the parking lot. He was still there, smoking in his car.
I got in and he started it up and we took off. Still no acknowledgment I was even there. I was in misery, my lips couldn't help but tremble and I pawed the decaying seats.
I brought my hand up with a dusting of upholstery foam and looked at it.
This is how he treats his things. Did I really want to be one of them?
Yes, yes, fuck, I didn't care. I don't mind being torn up, I might even like it. I just wanted once to have it on my terms and with someone I loved.
Shit, C.J., that's a word I should never say out loud. I'm such a fucking mess. I brought my knees up to my chest and covered up the rest of my face with my arm. Just kill me, I asked the universe.
It didn't, and we eventually pulled to a stop and the engine stopped turning, but I was still going for a ride emotionally. There was no way I was getting out. It was a relief when I heard him getting out, and I finally couldn't hold it anymore. The fabric of my sleeve became wet and salt burned my eyes and lips. I was heaving, I hadn't cried like this since, ever. I thought that my home situation couldn't be surpassed in terms of shittiness, and maybe it hadn't been, but fuck, does he have to give me the silent treatment?
Even so consumed in my anguish, I still jumped when the door beside me clicked open.
"Get the fuck out of my car," Alex ordered me. Why did he have to be so callous?
I just sobbed into my sweater, I couldn't move and didn't want to.
He wanted me to though, he grabbed my shoulders and roughly pulled me out. I began to sink down, my legs didn't work.
"Fucking stand up," He snarled at me and slammed the car door.
I couldn't stop blubbering but I managed to stand up. Looking him in the eyes was too much though. He wasn't interested in that either, just dragging me. I tripped over the curb and stumbled between a couple of the apartment building path way as he yanked me into the alley. He pushed my back against a brick wall. Nearly punched the wall right beside me a few times and made me cringe.
"You know I know this can't be all about me," he said haltingly as if he was trying to reign in his anger," you're obviously not new to this, despite making an idiot of yourself out there."
I was still looking down, but I nodded. He was right.
"There, good," Alex softened a bit, but brusquely pushed my jaw up until I looked at him," We aren't the solution to eachothers problems, ya know?"
I caught his eyes and nodded again, as much as I could with his hand on my throat.
"This is a good thing," he added," but don't push it. I like you but you're nearly jailbait. There's not much reason for me to even be in your town, and every couple weeks is the best you have any right to ask for."
Then he kissed me. I'd do anything for a guy who kissed like that. Just like always he had to bend his knees to get access. It didn't take much of that before I was smiling and kissing back. We were really getting into it, his other hand drew me next to him.
"Fucking faggots," a voice broke the spell and pulled Alex's attention away from me briefly. It was just someone walking through the alley. Alex gripped my neck and hip painfully though.
"hkk," I gasped, he was choking me. He looked back, but didn't stop for a few seconds then stood back up. He didn't storm off and kill the guy, I guess that was good.
"Fuck," I took that back, he had slapped me across the face, hard.
"What was that for," I whined, with my first complete sentence since this thing started. My face stung.
Looking down on me with a bemused look, he replied," For being a faggot."
"It's not like this is new...," I didn't complete what I was trying to say because he kissed me again. I whimpered a bit as if to display my helplessness around him, and that made him laugh, never breaking the kiss.
When he was finished, he squeezed my hand and I followed him back to the car. I got my bag out of the front seat and he lugged a big duffel out of the trunk, then we walked up to a second floor apartment door. The painting on the railings were chipped and the walls were a tan brick in need of pressure washing. Your generic off campus shitty accommodations.
Alex pounded on the door, and shot me a conflicted look as if his tired mind just started to think about the ramifications of bringing me around. I grinned back at him as if to say," Too late now, suckaa!"
My mood was much improved.
A girl opened the door, she looked a bit puzzled when she caught my eye, but then looked up at Alex.
"Alex!"
She exclaimed and took him slightly by surprise by hugging him around his middle. She came up to just about where I did on him.
"Nice to see you too," He grumbled widened his eyes and did his best to look pained for comic effect as he returned the hug.
"You are too silly," she pulled back and turned her attentions to me," And you are adorable, what's your name?"
I wasn't quite sure what to do with adorable, but I waved and said," C.J., nice to mee...oh."
She hugged me too, not a casual hug, but as if I was a long lost friend. She was my same height and thin, it was like hugging my mom without false pretext in order to pat me down looking for her missing smokes.
"I'm Amy," She said into my ear.
"You don't look much like Alex," I said skeptically when I was free, but her cheerfulness was infectious.
She twirled her red hair in her fingers for effect then playfully said," I don't? I'm from the ginger state in Mexico."
I grinned and shook my head. I hadn't expected such a warm welcome.
"I'm Tony's fiancee," she explained and then motioned us in.
The apartment was a bit spare, but clean. A couch, a TV, a little bar from which you could look into the kitchen. A few homey touches dotted the walls like a neon beer sign and a bong on the end table.
"We don't have another bed, but you can push a mattress down in the storeroom," She said to Alex and pointed to a hall.
"And as for you C.J., I'll kick Tony out and you can cuddle with me."
Alex snickered and I blushed.
No, you can sleep on the couch," She offered," You both look exhausted. Fun party?"
"Yea," I lit up as I overcame the embarrassment," Alex took me to this amazing rave out in the woods. Then we had waffles."
She looked at us curiously; with what I'd described and how I'd said it, our night sounded pretty much like a date.
"Uhhh," she sidestepped the issue and slung a backpack nearly bigger than herself on her shoulders" Tony's at the gym, I think he has a big day. I've got some studying to do, I'll go to the library. You two can shower, eat out of the fridge, just make yourself at home. There are sheets and towels in the hall closet. Bye boys!"
And at that, she had left. The room seemed darker now, in need of accent light that she had somehow provided.
"She has...Charisma," I said to Alex.
"And you have a pretty mouth," He sauntered over to me," Same thing, right?"
"Objectification!" I complained unseriously and nuzzled his chest.
"I need a shower," He commented.
"Not at all," I said with my nose pressed up against him,"You smell amazing."
"You need a shower," He added.
"Want me to go first?"
"I want us to go together," He said and we made out as we bounced around the hallway, until he finally pushed me through the door.
He shut the door behind me and started stripping, leaving a sullen pile. My clothes were filthy too, but I was more fastidious and placed them folded on the counter.
His touch was always so possessive; he ran his hand down my side and I felt like his. There'd be the initial tenderness then he'd squeeze, slap or manhandle. I shivered as he leaned over and chewed on my neck while fingering my rib cage then compressing it with his big hand until I thought they would snap.
I had thought I was tough, or at least resilient. I could get punched, raped, humiliated, but my essential self could not be penetrated. Alex was different, like someone I'd invited to my house, but wouldn't leave and began to move in while I fretted in the corner. My toes gripped the bathroom mat and involuntarily leaned back on him, his tautness and power.
I'd never touched him. Sure I'd sucked his cock, massaged his inner thighs or reciprocated an embrace, but I'd never reached over and just felt his stomach, held onto his back, or even pushed his hips back a little bit when it was too much. Somehow I'd acquired a passivity that meant he, or anyone else was always doing to me, it's like in my scarcity I never thought to give anything that wasn't already being taken.
I trembled as I reached behind him and gingerly felt his shoulders. They contracted and grew tight as he would push or pull every part of me. I went down his spine then circled around his hips until I had both hands on his cock. It really was a two hander. And even at full tumescence his foreskin could be pulled to cover his head. It was veiny and wrinkly but throbbing and pulsing at my touch. My palm brushed his uncovered slit and he gushed a couple spurts of precum. I brought it up and made a demonstration about licking it off, while using my other hand to prod it against me and leave shiny trails of it dripping on my concave stomach, the inverse of where he left his stuff when he was inside me.
Alex breathed heavily and his eyes rolled back, then swept in and kissed me viciously. His stubble and teeth scraped and scratched my lips and his tongue filled my mouth.
"Get in," Alex manhandled me to the the shower. I stepped over the edge of the tub and stood up. He wasn't getting in.
"Stay still," he said as he slapped my ass. He then reached over to the faucet and turned on the water. After feeling it with his hand he switched the shower on.
"Fuck," I cried as I jumped out of the stream," too cold."
He stood up and grabbed the back of me neck.
"I know," he said nonchalantly as he forced me back under. The cold March tap water ran down my body. He hadn't turned the heat on.
"Uhhhh," I whined and tried to pull away, but he had a really tough grip on me. At first it was chilly, then I started shivering, then the cold seemed to penetrate deeper within me and my teeth were clacking and the shivers turned into convulsions.
Alex ran his other hand down the front of me. My nipples were hard as a rock and when he got down to my junk, he pulled on it, but it had shriveled so severely it wasn't even erotic, he pushed it all inside me the let it push itself out again.
"T-tturn it up," I begged.
He obliged, but flipped the knob all the way to the other end, then got in behind me, and I leaned back against him, feeling his warmth.
It didn't last long though, the water soon reached lukewarm, then hot, then scalding.
"Aaaaa-omph," I yelled out, then he stifled my screams with his palm, while leveraging me up by my neck until I was on my toes, immobile.
I'd gone from frozen to boiling, the hot water seared my chest and stomach. It stung, and panic took over from passive protests and acquiescence.
I fought him, bit his hand, flailed behind myself. It wasn't like me, I was long suffering and tragic, now I just felt like a helpless animal, trapped by a higher life form. He didn't retaliate, just held me there and let me cook.
The things I was feeling weren't wordy sex visualizations, just torture and agony.
He let me sink down for a second, then twisted me around, so the torrent was on my back. He pinned my arms between us and pushed my stinging chest to his. He was hard, why was he hard? What was this doing for him?
I struggled until I couldn't anymore, but by then we began to run out of hot water and the temperature sank downwards. He grabbed a stiff brush and after an application of shower gel he started scrubbing me roughly. I shied away by a matter of inches, but all organized resistance was gone, I just started sobbing on his shoulder. The bristles were tearing at my burnt skin and he wasn't unthorough, abrading me from front to back. He only shifted me around a bit when he washed himself. He was clean; I was broken, but it wasn't over.
The tile was soothing, and the cooling shower started to give me a little relief once he pushed me against the wall face first. It barely registered when he started rubbing my hole with his thumb, and with nothing but water, probed in. It wasn't until three fingers that came to and grabbed a bottle of lotion off the side of the tub and handed it back to him. I really hoped he wouldn't go in dry.
On that, I got relief. It burned and stretched and caused little stars to flicker out before my eyes when he began sliding between my cheeks, but I could tell he'd applied the makeshift lube.
It was welcome, that familiar pain and fullness, but I let out a long, weak moan as he bottomed out. And when he bottomed out again, and again. My own dick hadn't been spared the rough treatment, but up against the damp shower wall, throbbed in tune with his.
I don't know when he began really fucking me, but I could feel it more deep in my bowels, and my hip bones as they bruised against the tile. I got a hand to the front of my stomach, and there it was again, his big head distending my abs. It was such a singular experience, he fit perfectly, and then some. Feeling the full thrust on my palm let me be more aware of every inch.
I whined and moaned as his bullet train passed over all my buttons and sent my own dick spurting. With a few more erratic thrusts he emptied in me, and his unceremonious exit caused me to imagine my guts were rushing out behind him, but it was just his viscous cum, oozing down my leg.
He left the tub, and it wasn't until the water returned to its initial icy state that I stumbled out too.
The mirror was fogged up, but a few swipes of a hand revealed my body to be almost completely red. The worst was at my chest and back, where it'd been the hottest. I surveyed my hole as well; it was a bit swollen, but fortunately no gaping maw.
A fumble through the medicine cabinet rewarded me with a bottle of aloe vera lotion, which I applied gingerly all over. I grabbed that shirt of his I'd taken and some loose pajama bottoms, and after putting them on, plus giving the bathroom a once-over, I stumbled into the hall.
Damn sure I wasn't sleeping on the couch. When I got to the storage room it was filled with boxed, but Alex had lain down the full size mattress and some sheets, and was already face first, asleep. I grabbed enough of the blanket to cover me and laid down next to him, clinging to him, and losing my grip on some other things.