Don't read this if you aren't of legal age to view this where you live. It contains sexually explicit material. All names, places, and events are entirely fictional, and any similarities to real-life events are entirely coincidental.
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I finally got it out, sorry for the long delay, I couldn't leave you hanging like that. I do appreciate all the fan mail, it makes me imagine I'm not just throwing paper down a well, that people are sharing a fantasy with me. Quite a thing, that is.
"Isn't that nice and tender?"
"Sure is Barbara, and in only a quarter of the time of a conventional oven."
"Ok, so we've seen the Magic Oven do a roast, how does it handle vegetables?"
"Well, you dumb cunt," I finished the conversation as I turned off the TV," for only 9 easy payments of $99.95, you eat all the irradiated zucchini your heart desires."
I wasn't in a good mood. And the infomercials that came on late at night on broadcast TV wasn't helping.
Alex was supposed to have been here this afternoon, I'd gotten his email earlier in the week. 6 o'clock came and went, then 10, then 12. My mom had come home, tired from work and I could hear her snoring from down the hall.
Was it too much to ask for the one thing I'm looking forward to to actually happen?
I rolled over and buried my head in the back of the couch and moaned my frustrations.
Despite the way I acted, I was worried about school. I couldn't concentrate, and when I sat down to do homework it was like pulling teeth. I had a paper to write, but I knew it wasn't going to get done before Monday. Especially if Alex never showed.
Maybe I'm depressed.
Why is it I can get my hands on Xanax and Adderall but not Prozac. Might be much more happy over the long term.
I must have dozed off, because I woke up against a wet spot I'd apparently been drooling on. And on top of that, my head was pounding.
"Shit," I exclaimed, realizing it wasn't my head, but quiet tapping on the door.
I stumbled off, quickly flattened my hair and unlocked the door.
He was there. Tall and dark, with his big hoodie and a cigarette glowing at his mouth.
"I was knocking for like 15 minutes," He said as he blew a puff of smoke in my face.
I wiped my nose and glared," You said after 5, I don't even know how late it is now."
"It is after five," He offered.
"At this point it's more like before five," I complained," You know, I... Mmm.."
He had stepped forward and pulled me to his chest. I wanted to stay angry, but I couldn't. Not even the chilly gusts of air from the open door kept me from melting.
With his hand he pushed my head up by my chin and kissed me. He hadn't shaved, it felt rough against my face.
"Were you asleep," He asked concernedly when he broke off the kiss.
"Yea," I admitted and smiled at him. His eyes glittered in the dim light, like panes of gemstones in Catherine the Great's Amber Room.
'I missed you,' is what I wanted to say, but I knew it would be wrong.
"I have something for you sleepy head," He grinned," it's in my pocket."
"I don't need to reach into your pocket to know what you're packing," I said. In fact, I could feel it bulging against my hip.
"Not that," He laughed and playfully thrust against me," Ok. Yes. That. But also something else."
I was curious now. I reached in with my right hand, felt his phone and went to go for the other pocket.
"No," he stopped me," Take it out."
"What," I asked," Your cell phone?"
"Mines in the car," he said into my ear as he ran his hands down my back," That's yours."
"What? Really," I said, pulling it out," I can't pay for a plan."
"It's prepaid, dummy," He fondled my butt," Besides, I had to figure out something better than email. I'm not looking for a pen pal."
It was a Nokia, pretty standard, but I loved it. It'd been a long time since I'd gotten a gift for no reason. Well, I guess there was a reason, he wanted me to be on call, but that was nice in it's own way.
"Thanks," I said, tiptoeing up and kissing his jaw line," I like it."
"There aren't that many minutes on there, so save all your calls for me," He said, stroking my hair," We're going to a rave."
"I hadn't heard of anything going on," I said.
"Well, you wouldn't, it's outside of Nacogdoches, bunch of SFA kids are throwing it."
"I don't dance well without molly," I informed him.
"It's a good thing I came prepared," He laughed and poked me," Lets get going."
I grabbed my overnight bag by the side of the house and locked up behind us.
We drove a long time; over an hour. Not anywhere normal either, once we got off the highway it was another fifteen minutes through pine tree farms until we began to see lights.
Cars were parked all along the side of the road, and a few people were walking to and from where we could hear music. People were wasted. Lucky them.
"Whaddya have to warm up with," I asked him as we walked along the road, wishing I could hold his hand.
Alex reached inside his coat and got some tabs of x and a little bottle, the size of a tube of nail polish and slipped them in my pocket.
"What's this," I said, bringing out the bottle to inspect it.
"Poppers," He laughed," If you're going to be a faggot, it's a must."
"It's not like I decided one day, or we get a starter kit," I joked," So when did you know?"
"Know what," He said, lighting up but not looking at me.
"That you liked guys."
"Ugh, are we really going to have this discussion," He sounded pissed off," This is seriously like when girls ask each other when they got their period. I don't know, guess I knew it with this neighbor kid."
"Humor me. Was he cute," I asked," How old were you?"
Alex smirked despite himself," Yea, I guess so. 15, he was 12 or so."
"Ah," I said, making no further comment.
I'd taken him a little off guard asking questions, but I knew so little about him. For the first time I felt I had an information advantage.
He didn't ask about my first experiences, I would have lied anyway.
The rave was outdoors, at another tree farm. All of the regularly spaced pine trees were strung with lights and speakers, and the whole section was surrounded by a slatted chain link fence covered with tarp and plywood. It looked like a post-apocalyptic barricaded druid's coven.
We got to the line to get in, and I could see we were underdressed. I would have worn white had I known. People were breaking out their glowsticks and pharmaceuticals to such a degree that the front of the line was much rowdier and phosphorescent than the back.
I scraped off the plastic on the poppers and asked," So what do you do with these."
Alex grabbed the bottle, unscrewed and put it under my nose.
It was really nice, felt a heady sort of euphoria, and I got relaxed.
"I love this," I whispered to him and rubbed up against him to the music we could hear blasting a little ways away.
"Trust me," He said with a smile, gulping down a pill," You'll like it more later."
I swallowed a molly too, since we were nearly to the doorman.
He paid the guy, and we were let in. It was a little more of a walk to get to the dance floor, such as it was, just pine needles and trees. A little enclosure held the DJ, and lights and some trancy techno shone down on us from above.
It was packed in the main clearing, at 1 a.m., people were sweaty, even though there was a chill, some were nearly naked. The smell was B.O., fake smoke, real smoke and pine. Kind of like a dirty car with an air freshener on the mirror and the windows open.
I was definitely on the young side, most of these people were college aged, I felt short and was hesitant, we just took it in for a little while at the peripheries.
It seems the most bizarre thing until whatever you take kicks in and you join in and you're carried away by the crowd consciousness.
When it did hit I felt carried to the light and movement like a cartoon character following his nose to a pie on the windowsill. I didn't even check for Alex, just drifted towards it.
I was shorter than all the guys and a good portion of the girls. It was suffocating and delirious and I wanted to know these people, to share in their power.
Constantly bumped into, your toes stepped on, I dived into the press.
The world shook with the bass, but I hadn't shaken Alex. He'd touch me, latch his hand into my waistband and generally corralled me. I felt annoyed. I'd go back to him, he didn't have to worry. I think he even shoved a guy that had begun grinding on me, but I didn't let it stop me and rode the wave to crash up against the crowd again.
I was a jellyfish, he was a shark. Even on x he had a single minded purpose.
Eventually, I gave in, danced only with him. It was a singular experience, I began to feel so connected. Eventually everything just faded away, we might have been alone.
I don't know how long it was, but sweat plastered our hair to our faces, and our faces were frequently plastered together. It started to feel stranger when we weren't touching, so we began dancing so close together.
The crowd thinned out, but I was still on top of the mountain, I didn't know why he pulled me away, but he did. He probably had 90 pounds on me, so I guess his metabolism worked faster, he may have reached the end.
I didn't have any question about what was happening when he pushed me up against a tree in a more secluded area, facing away from the crowd and nearly to the wall. He'd kiss me and swallow me up and chew me to bits.
He did.
In this place and with Alex, it felt even more primal than before. I was prey, or (not so) virgin sacrifice. I was so overwhelmed that by the time there was a pause that I fell to my knees and latched onto his crotch, he pulled me up though and turned me around, my face pushed cheekward into the rough bark.
After a quick fumbling around at my belt, he peeled down my jeans. I was damp with perspiration and the cold night air was a shock. I gasped and cupped my package to keep it from rubbing on the tree.
His face was on my backside, first at the top of my thigh and then working it's way up to the dimples at the small of my back. Tingles tremored their way through my skin, his rough stubble, little nips and bites, the wetness and surprise of it all.
I practically shot up the tree when beginning at my perineum his tongue and teeth worked their way up between my buns. He ate me out ferociously, circling and probing, causing my toes to curl up in my shoes and my dick to ooze onto my palm.
He'd slap the side of my ass while he worked, or claw his way up my spine. The must and acridity of the sweat and pine bark drew me in. I felt as though the tree was opening up, I was being welcomed into its rings just as Alex was invading mine.
Tongue became finger, and more fingers joined them. With spit and sweat he pried me open, digging into me, his knuckles halting at my opening.
I was delirious, still in the throes of both kinds of ecstasy, but I was still aware enough to ask him to hold off fucking me, he'd gotten behind me and was sliding up and down my ass with his cock.
"Uh...uhh...in public? We...don't even have any lube," I managed put together something coherent.
Alex fumbled around behind me and stuck two fingers up my ass. It felt like they were coated with baby oil.
"Take a whiff of the poppers," He commanded.
I brought it out and breathed in. There was that delirium again, it was nearly unbearable when combined with everything else I was feeling.
Apparently he was only interested in addressing one of my concerns.
"Oh fuck, ahhh," I whimpered as he put his head at my hole and began to push in. It stretched and burned with every inch. Not as badly as it might have though, the pleasure came almost immediately
He moved one hand from my hip to my mouth to stifle my moans. He made some low growls, but the only other sound was the music about fifty feet or so away.
When he was in he grabbed me under the arms and pulled me up on the tree so the angle was right. At this point, only his body weight and friction kept me suspended.
His chest pinned me to the tree, but his hips pulled back, then reamed me open again. I wasn't ready, he seemed to harpoon me down from my high with every thrust. I couldn't help be trapped, the only chemical that had any pull over me was Alex.
My cupped junk was pushed sideways as I was fucked, and every thrust brought me closer to orgasm. I was mercifully short when it came and I pushed back my ass to meet the latest intrusion, I felt like a pastry bag, and his cock was squeezing everything out of me. My cum shot down the tree in multiple spurts
That sent him into a frenzy, he pounded so hard I was nearly screaming into his palm. It was too much. My insides seized up when I came and he made it his mission to batter down my walls again.
"Fuck, goddamn," He growled," You're fucking mine, jesus you slut, errrr..."
With a few final thrusts he was done, pulsing and gushing inside me. What made that feeling so good with him. I'd do it every day, every hour, every ten minutes if I could.
I floated back into the clouds, nearly forgetting he was in me until he pulled out I don't know how much longer after. It was the inverse of the penetration, a relief, followed by emptiness. It felt even worse when his cum dripped out of me onto the ground. I should be keeping that. Why couldn't I just have this all the time?
His mood had turned to darkness too, he wasn't touching me anymore. I could tell when I pulled up my pants and looked at him. He'd covered up too and seemed distraught, restless, nervous. The come down could be rough, and sex had only pushed it back a bit.
I didn't know what to do, so I came at him from the side and put my arm around his waist. At first I thought he was relaxing, but I seemed to just contain whatever it was until it exploded.
"Ah," I cried as he pushed me down on the ground, it didn't hurt too much, it was more the surprise.
He shot me a unfathomable glance, and turned and stomped away.
Was he leaving? I had no other way to get home, I nearly had to run to follow brisk walk around the periphery of the fence.
We got to the exit, and he ducked out, not even checking if I was behind him.
I kept after him as he continued to walk down the road to his car. The sky behind me was beginning to bloom with sunrise, as any insomniac knows it represents a failure, quickly approaching consequences, for only the night offers mystery and freedom, and it is soon ending.
Up ahead I saw him lean against his car, then light up a joint.
I wanted to go to him, but I held off for a while and just stood at the side of the road, a few cars passed, but there were a surprising number of cars still parked. How long could you party?
The birds had begun to chirp by the time he looked my way. It wasn't drained of the turmoil I had seen earlier, but I wasn't afraid that he wouldn't take me home any more.
"Ugh sorry, I didn't know anyone was out here," I said and settled a couple feet away from him.
He gave me a perplexed look then a pained smile," That's the first thing you said to me."
"I know," I replied, meeting his eyes.
"You always want something from me. You smell smoke, you come for a joint, you see my dick and you're begging for it. I feel like a fucking vending machine. It's never enough," he was ranting.
"No, it isn't," I said resignedly," not for anyone."
"There have to be happy people out there somewhere," he seemed to be pleading," It can't all be this bad."
I thought a bit.
"I'm happy when I see you," I grabbed his hand, hoping he took it as sincerely as I meant it.
"God, what the fuck am I doing," he said, squeezing my hand until it hurt.
I didn't know what he was doing, besides me. He was so opaque. Sometimes he was tender, sometimes I felt afraid of his moods. It was irresistible and scary.
"Sometimes things look better once you get to sleep," I suggested," Are you ok to drive?"
"Yea, I am," Alex said, standing up and stretching. He seemed to be through the worst of it. "Lets stay with my cousin in Nac."
"Alright," I said. I'd go wherever he took me.