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"From Where I Stand" by Kanseiji
Chapter Twenty Two - Precipice
On occasion I feel like I need a running start if I'm going to make it to the end of the day. Now it would have been nice if those days naturally spaced themselves out, but of course, life doesn't work that way...the occasions for such days tended to clump together to the point where the end was never it sight. Still, sometimes there are things you can keep your eyes set on to get through it all. During one such run of long, tedious days, the thing keeping me going was my anticipation for my one year anniversary with Jase.
Jase and I never really got too caught up in keeping track of exactly how long we had been going out. In fact our friends had to remind us on the eve of our six month anniversary...I'm still not exactly sure how you're supposed to count that since months don't have the same number of days and such. In general we were just happily oblivious to such things and would rather spend the mental energy on each other rather than keeping track of the length of time. Still, one year was a big deal.
At practice one day, I was casually chatting with Paul about the subject. I was trying to figure out exactly what one was supposed to do for a one year anniversary...which I obviously had no previous experience with...and since Paul and Jase had been friends for a long time, I figured he would be a good resource.
"Well you know how laidback Jase is..." Paul mentioned as we sat on the field stretching.
"Yeah, but I dunno...this is supposed to be a big deal right?"
"Yeah it's a big deal, but I still don't think he'll want to go overboard with anything. Hell, he probably just wants to spend the day with you."
"Sounds like a plan to me, but I just think there should be at least one planned thing I guess." We both got up and started running our laps on the track. Jase was occupied at the moment with other members of the team taking shots on him in the goal, so I was taking full advantage of the time to discuss things with Paul.
"Hmm..." Paul began before taking some deep breaths while running along. "You could just go out to dinner or something...or just cook for him. I know how much he likes that, haha."
"Heh, that should work."
"Just don't do anything too fancy...Jase hates anything that requires more than three kinds of utensils, haha."
"Don't we all?" Not too long after, Jase came up running behind us after his goalie practice was over. The previous conversation abruptly ended and we all chatted about something else during the rest of practice. All the while I was juggling things in my head...what exactly to do for the big day, when I would have time to do any of the preparations, schoolwork that I had to get done and of course...dun dun dun, college applications. I'm surprised I didn't run into anything while I had all that flying around in my mind. Still, I wasn't feeling especially stressed out or anything, which was a good thing. Everything, despite the furious pace and the long list of things to do, was comfortably fitting into my life. I wasn't overwhelmed, but I definitely wasn't under whelmed...maybe just whelmed.
"Justin, stop eating that."
"Eating wha?" Justin's voice gave away the food that was in his mouth. I heard him swallow quickly before I turned around to see him smiling...like the proverbial cat with post mortem-canary.
"J, I swear if this food disappears before tomorrow, I will skin you." I had spent a good three hours cooking that day and I wasn't keen on it not being there when Jase came over for our anniversary.
"Haha, don't worry...I just had one." I stared at Justin threateningly. "Ok, maybe two. You've got plenty still, don't worry. By the way, they're REALLY good, hehe."
I rolled my eyes at him and went back to the stove. Cooking was the last thing I wanted to be doing when Jase was over, so I decided to take care of everything ahead of time. It was nothing fancy...at least not really fancy. I put together a bunch of small stuff to have a little picnic with Jase since we didn't want to spend the whole day at my house...just the latter part, hehe. It also turned out that neither of us could handle doing something as a complete surprise, so we decided to coordinate a little. Jase picked out a spot that we were going to go bike to and I volunteered the picnic. The powers that be were apparently on our side too...the weather forecast was for sunny skies with a little wind.
Now that week I had watched a little too much Food Network, so the spread looked a little...elaborate. Justin was chuckling as he examined everything...homemade cherry sodas, roasted peppers, prosciutto paninis, salmon canapés, etc... I probably got a little carried away when I went to Trader Joe's, but it was fun. I made extra to send home with Jase since he was always snacking. I also made a few testers to serve as dinner for Justin, my mom and me that night. However, Justin didn't exactly have the patience to wait and was eating components along the way.
As I was assembling food, my mom strolled into the kitchen, ear fixed to her cell phone. She said some legal jargon into the phone and hung up as she reached into the frig for a drink. As she turned toward me and Justin, she caught a look at the spread of food.
"Wow...Chris you're trying to make us all fat."
"Mom, it's all healthy. There's maybe a teaspoon of butter in all of it," I reiterated as I moved around the kitchen.
"Well I hope your boyfriend appreciates this all." I just about dropped the plate I was holding. Justin and I both stared at my mom in shock. "Oh don't have a heart attack, jeez. We'll talk more later if you want...I have to get on this conference call. Love you honey. Oh and Justin, you may want to take that plate out of Chris's hands before he drops it." With that she walked out of the kitchen on the phone again.
I felt like my chin had crashed a hole through the floor. Justin got up from his seat and slowly took the plate out of my hands and put it on the counter. He then slowly guided me to sit down as he walked in front of me.
"Um, Ace? You ok?"
"How...how the...how did..." At that point I started hyperventilating and my vision got a little blurry.
"Woah, woah...Chris, calm down. It's ok...just breathe slowly!" Justin started rubbing my back, trying to calm me down.
"J...how does she know??!"
"Well she is your mom...and the last time I checked she was pretty smart."
"She's met Jase like twice...maybe." I started to calm down and just decided to focus on astonishment instead of anxiety.
"Well you could just ask her I suppose."
"Ok, this was not exactly how I planned to come out to my family."
"Saves a little trouble though, right?" We both chuckled at that. "Besides, your mom isn't exactly the kind of person that would get worked up over this."
"I hope so."
I finished up a little in the kitchen after the feeling returned to my extremities. Dinner was ready and I heard my mom stop talking so I assumed her conference call was over. Very nervously, I went up to her study to get her for dinner.
"Um...mom?"
"Oh hi honey, I'm done with my call now."
"Uhh...mom, do we need to..."
"Chris, stop worrying."
"But..."
"Please, if I didn't know, I would be mad at myself. Besides, Jason seems like a very nice boy."
My mind was just spinning. "Did I leave a manifesto sitting around or something?"
My mom just came up and hugged me. "Honey, I love you ok? Nothing will ever change that. Now, I will be mad if you and your brother don't have any grandkids for me...adopted or otherwise, ok?"
I laughed at the thought...such a Chinese mother response. "Thanks mom."
"Ok now, I smell food and I think I hear Justin eating already..."
I turned toward the kitchen and yelled, "JUSTIN STOP EATING!" I heard the chewing stop.
"I swear that boy will eat us out of house and home," my mom joked...well, at least HALF joked.
As we ate dinner, my mom explained she figured always had lingering suspicions since I didn't show much interest in girls...and there was the way Justin and I interacted...and she also noticed how I lit up when Jase was around. Yeah everyone in my life was WAY too observant. You would think that since she wasn't around a lot of the time that she would miss some of these things. She even joked at Justin when he told her even he didn't figure it out.
"You two have spent almost every day together for more than 10 years and you didn't figure this out?" she asked Justin while laughing.
The evening was very nice...I didn't have to worry about coming out to my mom, she and Justin both gave the food A's so I felt ok about the picnic the next day and overall it was just pleasant. My mom did give me the whole "being safe" talk along with asking to not "advertise" my sexuality since it would probably be trouble...which I agreed with at the time. Justin got a kick out of the safe sex talk too. Afterward, my mom also apologized to me about not being around as much as she probably should and she also said she was proud of me...tender moment, insert sappy theme music here.
Little by little, I felt like things were falling into place. I fell asleep that night with a smile on my face, suddenly a little more sure of what the future may hold.
The next morning, as I was still mostly asleep in my bed, I thought I heard the doorbell ring. I could have sworn I heard some talking, but it wasn't enough to rouse me from sleep right at that moment. I don't know when, but at some point I felt a cozy warmth wrap around me as I slept. Unconsciously, I nuzzled up to the source of the warmth and kept on sleeping. Seemingly a moment later, I felt a familiar sensation on my cheek...and then my neck...and then my cheek again. As I stirred a little more from my torpor, I heard a little giggling as I mumbled something.
"Hehe, morning sunshine." The voice registered pretty quickly in my brain. I turned around slightly and, with some difficulty, opened my eyes...and I managed to keep them open because of the pretty sight that was before them. Jase was smiling widely and looking right into my eyes...now that's the way to wake up.
"Mmm...morning." I was smiling myself, but I probably looked half dead. I rubbed my eyes a little and asked, "What time is it?"
"Uh..." Jase looked over at my clock and responded, "7 a.m." I just groaned, wrapped my arms around him and proceeded to make a pillow out of him. "Hehe, I guess I should have lied."
"I love you Jase, but seriously, what the fuck are you doing up at this ungodly hour?" I asked with my face buried in his shirt.
"Hehe, I couldn't sleep anymore. I decided that I didn't want to wait, so I just came over. Your mom let me in."
"Oh by the way, she knows," I said very nonchalantly.
"Yeah...I figured that out when she said to come on up here and wished us a happy anniversary."
I sighed. "How the hell does she figure this stuff out??"
"Haha, I have no idea...she's your mother. But man, she scared the living shit out of me."
"She did that to me last night...must be the most efficient way to scare the shit out of multiple people in a short span of time." I cozied up a little closer to him and inhaled deeply, smiling as Jase's scent hit my brain.
"Aww...well, I guess we can sleep in a little longer...just not too long, I wanna spend as much waking time with you as possible," Jase stated as he slid into bed with me.
"As far as I'm concerned, the day hasn't begun yet...it's still sleepy time." Jase just chuckled as he held me close. "Happy one year Jase," I whispered.
"Happy one year babe," he whispered back as we both dozed off.
Jase and I got up eventually...well, rather we woke up eventually. We must have spent a good hour in bed before we actually "got up." It was nice...we just talked...and made out...and talked...and, well you get the picture. Our little escapade was interrupted by my mom yelling through the door that she was going out to a brunch and then to she'd be heading to the airport...to visit my brother...and wished us a happy anniversary along with all the usual motherly things like "I love you" and "make sure you get enough to eat" and such. We busted out laughing as soon as we heard the front door shut. Jase got the evil idea of taking a shower...with me...which occupied another half hour or so. We exited the bathroom afterwards still locked together and made a B-line for the bed again when someone knocked on the door...loudly.
"Ok you guys, I'm coming in there in 30 seconds, so stop the fornicating please." It was Justin. Jase and I got a little laugh out of it as we somewhat reluctantly separated and got dressed. Thirty seconds later, Justin came in. "Haha, wow that actually worked."
"Hey Justin," Jase greeted him as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
"Hey Jase. Ok, so I'm gonna get out of here so you two lovebirds can have the house to yourselves, but before I do..." Justin then pulled out a box from behind his back and handed it to me and Jase. "Happy one year you two...I dunno it anyone is supposed to give stuff for someone else's anniversary, but whatever."
Jase and I proceeded to "aww" and "thanks" and all that. We opened the box and heard Justin start laughing hysterically as our eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. The box had a pack of condoms, lube, a pair of handcuffs and chocolate syrup.
"OH MY GOD, YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES!!" Justin coughed out as he laughed. We all got a good laugh out of it and after he had sufficiently calmed down, Justin said, "Oh by the way, the REAL gifts are under the paper in the box."
Jase and I dug around a little and produced two smaller boxes, each with a name on them. Jase opened his and found a fountain pen...awwww. I opened mine and found charcoal drawing set...awwww. Jase and I both thanked and hugged Justin before he made a quick exit saying, "Enjoy the handcuffs!" laughing the whole way.
"Where did you find him?" Jase asked me chuckling.
"From one of those coin-operated toy machines."
"Haha...but seriously, he's awesome. I wanted to get one these too."
"Yeah he's great...but he's gone now," I said slyly.
"Oooo...dirty boy..." Jase cooed as he set the boxes aside and dove at me.
After some indeterminate amount of time, we managed to leave my room. We went out biking, had our little picnic and just enjoyed the company for most of the day. The only interruption really was when my mom called to let me know she was at the airport and about to leave. When we got back to my house, I had a few emails from our friends saying happy anniversary and all. Jase also produced a DVD and some packs of candy so we could have a little movie night in the living room...Ice Age 2, hehe.
Of course when I was planning things out in my head, I thought we would at least make it to my bedroom before...well, you know. Goes to show you don't have to plan everything for it to be good, HEHE.
"You know," Jase slipped out between kisses. "We should really have these anniversary things more often."
"No...argument...from me."
"Heh, I didn't think so." More making out. "God babe, this is so hot...oh and so are you, hehe."
"Hehe, well you look like you put on a few..."
Jase started tickling me right about then. "Oh you think you're funny don't you?? See, you're laughing so hard...you can't even help yourself, hehe."
"JASE! AHAHAHA!!" He called it quits on the tickling a few moments later and took my increased heart rate as a cue to run off for a moment. "Um..." I had to catch my breath a bit. "Jase?"
"One sec, I'll be right there..." I heard him shuffling around in my room for a moment before he dashed back up to me in the living room.
"Um, what was that?"
"Hehe, just remembered something..." Jase held his right hand up to me.
I looked at his hand and realized something was there that wasn't before...a ring. It was a silvery band...simple and unfeatured...definitely in line with Jase and my own sense of style. I got up and faced Jase, probably looking a bit confused.
"Relax babe, I'm not proposing or anything."
"Oh...whew, hehe. So what is that?" I asked, pointing to the ring.
"Well," Jase started as he took my hand and opened his...which dropped another ring into my hand. "It's part of a set...so I'll always remember...and so you'll always know I love you, no matter what...no matter when...and no matter where we both are in our lives."
The stark realization of what he was saying hit me pretty hard...we weren't going to be together forever. I knew that already, but it hadn't really sunk in. It was so much easier to get caught up in the bliss of the moment rather than dealing with any harsh realities. But Jase dealt with it...and he even got something to help me through it...his assurance that he'd always love me.
"Jase...I...I love you too...always." I was choking back a few sniffles.
"Hey, I'm sorry...I didn't wanna get you down."
"Nah, it's not that...I just...I just don't know how I'm gonna get along without you."
The ring was still sitting in my palm. Jase reached, took the ring in his fingers and slipped it on my right pointer...it was a perfect fit.
"How'd you know my ring size?"
"I measured it one night when you were asleep."
I chuckled. "I guess I didn't wake up."
"Heh, like you would over something that minute."
"I'm sorry...I didn't really get you anything."
"Babe, there's like three days worth of food packed up in the kitchen with my name on it...literally."
"That stuff doesn't count...it's perishable, hehe."
"Haha, well..." Jase kissed my hands. "It's enough that you love me...and that I'm well fed, haha."
"Hehe. Thanks Jase."
"Welcome."
During some point in our "activities," we migrated back up to my bedroom. Let's just say we had a very nice time and eventually we fell asleep there, very much content.
At some point in the night, I woke up for no apparent reason...at least it wasn't immediately apparent. Jase was still sound asleep, huddled warmly around me. It was a clear night and the moon was shining through my bedroom window brightly. The light glimmered and my eye caught a flash...Jase's hand was laying on mine, our matching rings shining in the light. The sight of the silver bands made me smile as I moved my hand around slightly, taking in the sensation of Jase's touch. My reverie was interrupted by the sound of a door opening. I was mostly awake by that point, so I decided to have a look. I wiggled gently out of Jase's arms. When I was sure he hadn't woken up, I left my room and went out into the hallway.
A few lights were on downstairs. I walked quietly down the stairs and saw the lights in the kitchen. There was a little noise, like someone was rustling around in the frig or something. As I rounded the corner, I saw Justin...or rather I saw his ass pointing out while his head was in the frig.
"Hungry J?" I asked.
"Huh?" CLANK. "OUCH!" Justin's head emerged from the frig with his hand rubbing a bumped spot.
"Hehe, sorry J."
"Haha, it's ok. God you scared me, Ace."
"Sorry...was just checking to see if we were getting robbed or something...I see that we are," I remarked, pointing to a brown paper bag in Justin's hands.
"Well, in my defense, it does have my name on it," Justin said, pointing to the bold letters spelling his name on the bag.
"I figured I should leave you something to munch on since you have a black hole in your stomach."
"Aww, thanks Ace. My black hole and I both thank you for the thought, hehe." Justin shook the bag lightly. "So what's in here?"
I rolled my eyes and sat down at the counter. "Grab one of those bottles and let's see."
"Hehe, ok." Justin grabbed a bottle of the cherry soda I had made and sat down next to me. He opened the bag and started going through it...pretty much like a little kid on Christmas morning. "Oooo...a panini, pepper hummus...mmm...want some?"
"Heh, sure." I grabbed a bag of tortillas and started dipping hummus as Justin munched.
"So did you guys have a good day?"
"It was perfect."
"Hehe, good. Did you guys get any use out of my gifts?" Justin asked, barely containing his snickers.
"Heh, I'm sure we'll get around to it."
"Haha. Oooo...hey what's that?" Justin pointed to the ring on my finger.
"Jase got two of them...one each."
"AWW! Here, lemme see." I held up my hand as Justin examined. "Mmm...nice. So when's the wedding?"
"Very funny. It's not any kind of commitment ring...just that he loves me."
"AWW! Hehe, besides, you can't get married."
"Why not?"
"We'd have to get divorced first."
"Heh, well I guess we could cite irresolvable differences."
"You mean that you like dick and I don't?"
"That about covers it."
"Haha, I think a judge might buy that."
We chatted for a few minutes before we both heard some feet shuffling on the ground. A second later, Jase popped his head around the corner into the kitchen.
"Why are you two up? It's three in the morning..." Jase said groggily as he shuffled over to me and semi-collapsed.
"Hehe, Justin woke me up foraging for food...and I guess I was a little hungry too," I responded as Jase rested his head in the nape of my neck.
Jase opened his eyes slightly and perked up, "Ooo...food."
I rolled my eyes and Justin chuckled. I looked between Jase and him. "You two and food..."
Justin shrugged and said, "Great minds think alike."
"Great minds think with their stomachs?" I queried.
"Yup," Justin and Jase both responded at once. They looked at each other a little inquisitively for a moment and then at me.
"Don't look at me," I started, putting up my hands. "You two sharing a brain has nothing to do with me."
Jase perked up a bit and we all started munching. Midnight snacks don't have to be at midnight right? Justin and Jase were chatting a bit about something...I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation. I just watched them. They were talking, laughing, smiling...it was just a cute moment. A little flicker of a thought reminded me that there wouldn't be too many more of those moments...and that I shouldn't waste them. I was happy...no doubt about that...but there was still a lingering feeling of urgency...like dancing on the edge of a cliff.
"Hey Ace, you with us?" Justin asked, nudging me out of my thoughts.
"Huh? Oh yeah, just thinking a little."
Jase got a curious look on his face and turned to Justin. "Hey, where exactly did that nickname come from anyway?"
"Huh? Oh you mean Ace?"
I gave Justin my own curious look. "Y'know I can't actually remember why you started calling me that...I just kinda remember that you started when we were really young."
"Haha, yeah. Ok, good thing I still remember then...it was a long time ago. So when Chris and I were younger, we liked playing ping pong. One day we started playing and apparently he had learned this really cool serve from his mom."
Jase looked at me and asked, "Your mom plays ping pong?"
"You'd be surprised at how well. I still can't beat her half the time."
"Hehe, yeah Chris's mom is awesome at ping pong. Anyway, I didn't know and Chris just started unleashing these monster serves on me...I didn't win a single point that game. I said something like, `man you aced me' or something. I guess I just kept calling him that."
The memory started stirring in my mind and I remembered it. "I actually do remember that...woah."
Jase laughed at us. "Aww...that's cute. Well, that solves the mystery then. That had been bugging me."
"Heh, yeah me too," I agreed.
"Yeah," Justin cooed in. "It's lame, but hey, we were like seven or something."
"Not like me calling you J is very creative."
"Haha, true." Justin yawned...for about 10 seconds straight. "Ok, I think that means bed time."
I took a peak at the clock. "Yeah it's almost five in the morning...we're all gonna be worthless tomorrow, haha."
We all said good night and settled into our respective rooms. Jase and I snuggled up in bed and went back to sleep. The signs of dawn were starting to appear outside, but the sun was not going to keep us from sleeping in. I started to close my eyes to go back to sleep when I felt Jase's hands sneak up from behind me and started to rub my chest and stomach.
"Jase..."
"Shh...just go to sleep, I can amuse myself, hehe." I was pretty tired and half-considered doing just that...that is until Jase started...um...screwing around with my wiring, hehe.
"Ah fuck it," I gave up as I turned around and planted my lips on his.
"Y'know Justin's present is just over there..." Jase joked.
"Promises, promises..."
"Hehe, yeah we'd probably make too much noise."
"I love you."
Jase smiled and ran his hands through my hair.
"I love you too."