Dear reader, I have no words to express my gratitude that here you are, still reading this. Even though I have no words, stick around after the chapter closes for the epilogue. There I have some words. I'm an author after all. For me to say that I have no words...yeah, I always have words!! I enjoyed saying that, so I'll say it again. 'I am an author.' I can say that because here you are, reading my words. I am an author! And you made that true. And I'm thrilled! Without further ado, here's the last chapter, Journey's End.
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Crown Vic to a Parallel World: From Whence I Came The second installment of the ongoing adventures of Church Philips
47 Journey's End
I flopped on the couch and rubbed my tired face with both hands. My face smarted from the action. The skin was raw from rubbing it too many times that day...or I guess the day before. It was after midnight, and I was exhausted. I was also far too wound-up to even think about sleeping.
Shawn flopped on the couch next to me. He lifted my right arm and put it over his shoulders, then nuzzled into my side. "You even smell tired." Shawn said to me as he rested his head on the front of my shoulder.
"I'm fucking exhausted. What a day!"
"Well, it's over now and you and me belong exclusively to each other for the next fourteen days."
I leaned my face down to Shawn's and kissed his mouth. He tasted good, like himself, but a bit stale. I guessed his flavor was as tired as I apparently smelled. "You're my hero, you know that?" I asked him. "I know I'm not supposed to thank you, but the way you handled your uncle...you're a master."
Shawn shrugged a shrug that I felt rather than saw. "I just wasn't going to get sucked into a big program of showing everyone around and all that. I've been through everything you've been through these last weeks, and I need a rest as badly as you do. My uncle and his team and Bem and Met and my mother can handle whatever your family needs until we're rested."
"I feel a little bad about Andy." I admitted. The memory of the boy's forlorn face when I told him that I wouldn't see him for two weeks was still fresh in my mind.
"I know," Shawn soothed me, "but he'll be so busy getting to know Solum and helping your brother with his therapy and sketching new fashion ideas, he won't even notice the time passing."
"You're probably right." I agreed and drifted into silence.
Shawn used the fingers of his left hand to trace little circles on the top of my thigh. His gentle touch felt good. "For just a second...this morning when we got to The HALL, I thought you were going to strike my uncle."
I gritted my teeth at the memory. I'd driven the Vic through the gate and parked the car in its storage spot in the lower-level parking garage. Mary had been talking breathlessly with Bem since we'd made the jump to Solum. She sounded amazed at everything she saw, including the view of Epistylium spread out before her as we descended from the Glosbe Mountains.
Andy was also amazed at everything and kept up a steady conversation with Shawn as I drove us to The HALL. Joe had been silent since I forced him to acknowledge that he was on another world. The twins had remained engrossed with whatever game they were playing between themselves and hadn't commented on anything. I figured that they'd eventually ask questions like where their old rooms went and stuff like that. I assumed that the world of an eight-year-old was pretty small.
I shut the car off and we all got out. I was in the middle of gathering my family to herd them toward the elevator into The HALL, when the door slid open and Ars stepped out of it. Ars had our caretaker Met with him, and my tailor Rubi, and Shawn's mother Lenis. "Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome...welcome Philips family, welcome to Solum." Ars chattered in his normal staccato speech. "So happy to have you all here, yes, very happy indeed. Welcome to Solum. Pleased, delighted, absolutely ecstatic to meet you all."
Lenis went right to Shawn and hugged him while Ars introduced himself to everyone in his normal, disjointed manner. "Let me see, oh my, yes, Joseph Philips," Ars shook Joe's hand like he was trying to pump water from a deep well, "do not worry, young man, no do not worry at all, I have a specialist, a renowned neurologist on her way as we speak. Oh my yes, you will be turning handsprings...handsprings, young man, before you even know it."
Ars moved away from a speechless Joe to shake hands with Mary. "Mary Thompson...soon to be Custos unless I very much miss my guess." Ars said with a wink to Bem. "And Hannah and Leah," Ars patted the heads of the twins and crouched down to greet them individually, "such pretty young ladies, yes, pretty indeed. They will break hearts one day...oh my yes, absolute heartbreakers."
"And," Ars clapped his neat hands and moved to greet Andy, "young Andrew. Delighted, young man, absolutely delighted to meet you." Ars shook hands with my nephew and added several pats to the front of Andy's left shoulder as he spoke. "Simply delighted to meet you and such a handsome young man. Oh my, to think that I said the young ladies would break hearts when you, my young friend, were standing so close by. My, my, my, my, my, you, young man will be the fantasy of every other young man who sees you."
"And just look at the way you managed to turn out my nephew and his husband and our mutual friend here." Ars made a sweeping gesture at the suits Shawn and Bem and I wore. "Excellent taste, young man. Such perfect choices. You will do very well here, oh my yes, very well indeed."
Ars clapped his hands again and his expression drew down into a frown. "My, my, my, my, my manners, my manners are shameful. I am ashamed of my manners. For me to chatter at you so while we stand...stand like herons in a parking garage."
Ars shook his head. "Not like herons in a parking garage. When, I might ask any of you, have you ever seen herons in a parking garage? Ridiculous, ridiculous indeed. No, here we stand like herons in a pond while I chatter away. My manners are shocking. Please, let us go to my office where I will have a proper breakfast brought to us and dear Rubicundus will measure everyone for clothes and shoes and underthings." Ars turned on his heels and trotted toward the elevator.
I snapped out of the trance that Ars' chatter had lulled me into and barked. "ARS!"
The small man stopped in his tracks and turned to face me. He grinned up at me and clasped his hands in front of his body while he waited for me to say something. I drew Shawn to me, marched up to Ars and closed the three of us in a box of my magic. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" I demanded.
Ars' regular act continued like he thought it still fooled me. "Going on, young man, going on? I hardly know what you mean by that. No, I do not know what you mean at all. Nothing is going on. We are going upstairs to eat and get measured for clothes. I shall also provide your dear family with their new identification cards. Yes, indeed, and once everyone is fed and dressed, we will arrange transportation to the Capital Hotel where there are three suites awaiting your occupancy. I have reserved one suite for you and my nephew, one for your dear sister, her children, and her fiance, and one for your brother and your nephew."
I stepped up to Ars, bent down, and growled in his face. "You know goddamned well what I mean. How the fuck are you here? How do you know everything that's going on? How do you know everyone's name and that Joe is sick and that Mary is engaged and all that?" I grabbed Ars' oversized lapels and shook him. "You tell me and none of your bullshit." I felt real fear from Shawn when I laid my hands on his uncle, but I shoved his emotions aside.
"My, my, young man," Ars said in his lower voice, in his voice that sounded more like Shawn's, "you seem unreasonably upset at the arrangements that I have made on behalf of your family. Your attitude makes me wonder if I did the right thing when I sent you to Earth to see to my investments. You did that very neatly, I might add, young man. Your brother, Joseph, made the correct selection when he chose Abbey Wealth Management. A very capable firm, indeed."
"I wonder," Ars went on, "I wonder how I knew everything about your lovely family. I wonder how I knew that your brother was ill, or that your sister was trapped in an unfulfilling marriage. I wonder why I bothered to send you, at great expense to myself I might add, to see to something I very easily could have accomplished with the resources I already have in place on your home world. Resources I might add, that include your former friend and classmate, Mister Stephen Wolf. I wonder why I did that, young man."
The mention of Stephen surprised me and almost derailed my anger. I wondered afresh at the hold that I assumed Ars had over Stephen and whether he had anything to do with my meeting Shawn outside Big Nick's bar, or if that was genuine coincidence. I quickly decided that there were no coincidences where Ars was involved. I breathed simmering anger into Ars' face. "You are one ruthless son of a bitch."
"Perhaps," Ars responded through a smug grin, "but you already knew that. Did you not, young man?"
I recognized that I was defeated...again. I recognized that Ars had beaten me, and that he'd done it for my own good and the good of my family. He and his fucking `resources' had somehow kept eyes on us the entire time. Ars knew what we'd been doing as if he'd been sitting on my shoulder while we did it. After I realized, I still wanted to punch him, but I knew that wouldn't be the right thing to do. I released Ars' lapels and smoothed them down against his jacket. "Thank you, Ars." I said, because I knew that I owed him my thanks.
Ars was gracious in spite of the fact that I'd laid my hands on him in anger. "You are very welcome, young man."
I stood up and released the magic that had sealed us in. Ars went his merry chattering way, and everyone followed him. I waited for the group to move passed me and into the elevator. Shawn asked his mother to go with the group while he waited with me. "Are you OK?" Shawn asked once the elevator had ascended with everyone in it.
"Yeah, I'm OK."
"I was scared for a second."
"I felt it." I admitted. "Your uncle..." I said and trailed off.
"I know." Shawn agreed and took my hand.
"Fuck it," I sighed my defeated sigh, "let's go in."
Hours later, at the Capital Hotel, after clothing had been selected and made, and identifications were provided, and money was transferred, and all kinds of other arrangements were made, I was trying to take my leave of my family and Ars and his minions. Ars had taken issue with the idea that Shawn and I were planning to retreat from everything, including my family, for two weeks. "Selfish of you, young man, quite selfish indeed." Ars had accused me. "To leave these people, your family on my hands...selfish, quite selfish indeed."
I was getting ready to defend myself, to tell Ars how I needed a rest before I could deal with anymore bullshit, when Shawn intervened. He stepped right into his uncle's face and whispered to him. I didn't hear a word that was said, but I felt Shawn's determination as he spoke. When Shawn finished and walked away from Ars, Ars' whole attitude changed. "Why yes, nephew, of course I will see to everything." He said to Shawn's back. "Enjoy your time with your husband."
I was stunned, and thrilled. It seemed that everything was `coming up roses' to use the well-worn phrase. And speaking of well-worn phrases...several minutes after the interaction between Shawn and Ars, Ars had been monologuing about getting the members of my family some classes with a tutor. He wanted everyone to understand the basics of life on Solum. Ars also planned some magic training for the new magic users. "We must strike while the iron is hot." Ars expressed himself through the rare use of an idiom.
As he said the words, I noticed Joe focus his attention on Bem, who'd been standing hand-in-hand with Mary. Joe seemed to grow disturbed when Bem didn't say anything. "Are you kidding?" Joe demanded.
Bem looked up with innocent surprise on his face. "About what, Joe?"
"He just said `strike while the iron is hot.'" Joe pointed out.
"He did." Bem nodded. "As I recall, it refers to the ancient Earth practice of blacksmithing iron with a hammer and anvil."
Joe shook his head. It was his turn to be dumbfounded. He was obviously surprised that Bem knew the phrase and the history behind it. I watched as Joe connected the dots in his head and didn't like the picture they made. "You mean...you mean...the Romans, and the horse..."
Bem grinned his best impudent grin. "Even the kettle and pot."
Joe realized that Bem had been fucking with him the entire time. He realized that Bem knew the idioms all along and had been using his status as an other-worlder to fuck with Joe as a way to diffuse tense situations. Joe filled his lungs to shout but seemed to realize that it was pointless. He blew his breath out and shook his head with a defeated shrug.
Mary leaned into Bem and whispered, "you knew?"
Bem squeezed her hand and nodded. "The whole time." He confirmed.
Mary whacked Bem's upper arm and laughed herself silly. I'd been trying to hold my laughter in, but when Mary released hers, mine came blasting out in hysterics that I couldn't control. Joe's jaw tightened in angry frustration. I guessed that he was pissed that he couldn't stop us from having fun at his expense, but he said nothing.
Joe really wasn't in any position to complain about anything. He was cured of his ALS, his neurons were restored by the neurologist, and he had a schedule of physical therapy to rebuild his atrophied muscles. I was slightly concerned that, aside from the minor outburst over the idioms, he'd been quiet for most of the day, but I didn't worry about it too much. I assumed it was just Joe's fear of dealing with a new world.
Mary was the counterpoint to Joe's silence. She seemed completely taken with everything she saw or experienced since she arrived that morning. As I said my temporary goodbye to her, she clutched at me and pulled my face down to hers. "It's all true." She whispered at me. "I mean...everything. This is another world, and you have magic, and I have magic, and magic is real, and you're super rich, and I'm engaged, and this is another world, and magic is real, and it's all true."
"Yes," I nodded to my sister, "yes to all of that."
Mary pulled on me some more and tilted her head so she could whisper directly into my ear. "I'm so happy." She squeaked.
"I'm glad." I said and stood up.
Mary leapt at me and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back and kissed her cheek. Mary stepped back to let me leave, then had a second thought and waved me down to her face again. "I'll do what I said," she whispered like a little girl with a little girl secret, "to pay Shawn back. He won't regret it. Not ever."
I gave Mary another hug and stood up. "Sounds perfect." I said to her.
I turned from my sister to find myself face to face with my pouting nephew. "We're not going to see you for two weeks!" He whined.
I looked down at Andy and thought of a million things I could tell him, and another million that I couldn't. I knew that I needed to treat him like a man, but I also needed to remember that he was still a child. I built a box of magic under his feet and inflated it until he stood even with my height. I looked him in the eye and tried to explain myself. "I'm tired, Andy. I'm emotionally exhausted. Shawn and me...we've been on the go for so long. Being on Earth...it reminded me of stuff...of a lot of bad stuff. I need time. Shawn and I need time. Do you understand?"
Andy rubbed the back of his neck with the heel of his right hand and looked at me along his hazel eyes. "I guess."
"We have so much time now, Andy. I just need a little of it for me and Shawn. After that, we can spend as much time together as you want. I promise."
Andy brightened up. "You're right, Uncle Church. I mean...we're here and all. I didn't even have to wait five years."
Joe horned his way into the conversation. "What's five years?" He snapped.
Andy explained more than I would have liked him to. "Uncle Church said that if you didn't let us come this time, he'd come get me when I turned twenty-one. Then I'd be old enough and you wouldn't have a say."
Joe's face flushed and he glared impotent anger at me. I held my hands up to stop the harangue that I expected. "It was just a thought when you were being difficult. You're here now so none of that matters."
"I disagree." Joe growled through clenched teeth.
I shrugged at him. "I can't help that. You think what you like. You're here now and your kid is here, so you'll have to make the best of it."
Andy tried to mediate between me and Joe. "Opportunity knocked and we answered...right, Uncle Church? Right, Dad?"
"Right!" I agreed without giving Joe the chance to argue. "That's the right attitude. Now, give your tired uncle a hug and let him start his two weeks off. The sooner I start, the sooner I finish, and then we'll get together and do anything you want."
"Deal!" Andy hugged me tightly.
I hugged him back and got ready to take my leave of the group. Before I could take more than a couple steps toward the exit, Bem appeared in front of me. "Big Guy!" He exclaimed and opened his mouth to say something that he suddenly seemed to think better of. He shut down and became quietly introspective. "Big Guy," he whispered, "you really..." Bem stopped talking and his eyes tracked behind me. I looked to see what had captured my friend's attention and saw my sister Mary, chatting with Shawn's mother, Lenis.
"She's incredible, Big Guy." Bem whispered next to me. "She...I want to pinch myself to make sure it's real but then I'm afraid I'll wake up and find out it was all a dream. Your sister is everything I always wanted and everything I never knew I needed. Hannah and Leah, they're such great little girls. I hope I can be who they need me to be. I hope I measure up. I hope...Church...Church..."
I put my face in Bem's to see what he wanted. "Church, I'm so scared." He whispered to my face. I looked at my friend's worried expression and I knew that everything would be fine. "Bem," I whispered back at him, "the fact that you're scared means you've got the right attitude."
He frowned at me. "But...but what if..." he raised his hands between us, "Big Guy, the stains are still there."
I looked at Bem's hands then back at his face. I was inspired with something to tell him that I thought was perfect for the situation. "They'll wear off. The more good you do, the more hugs you give, the more tears you wipe away, those stains will wear off."
I'd hoped my words of encouragement would elicit at least a grin from Bem, but I didn't even get that. If anything, his worried frown deepened. "Church...I don't...I'm still trying to figure out who I am. The mask...I've worn it for so long. What if she doesn't like what's under it?"
I lowered myself onto one knee so I could look up at Bem instead of bending down to speak with him. I put my left hand on Bem's right shoulder. He crossed his body with his left arm and put his left hand on top of mine while his right hand slipped into his pocket. "My friend...I've thought about this." I said to Bem. "And I actually came to a conclusion just a moment ago when you came clean with Joe about screwing with him over the figures of speech. You might have been playing a role when we met six years ago, but that didn't last long. From that time in the canyon when I told you about how I lived on Earth and you let me bare my soul to you, from that moment to this one, the role you've been playing has been you."
Bem shook his head and tried to speak but I didn't let him. "Hear me out. Maybe you hid things from me, and maybe you weren't completely open about your past, but name one time you lied to me in all the time we spent together. Name one thing you ever did that you did because you were playing a part. Name one time when I needed a friend, and I turned to you, and you confronted me with a mask. You can't because you've been pretending to pretend. Just because you didn't tell me your secret doesn't mean that you lied. I know my friend, and you're him."
Bem gripped my hand on top of his shoulder and shook his head again. "You think so, Big Guy?"
"I know so." I confirmed. "Just like I know that my sister and her kids couldn't ask for a better husband and father than you. Don't worry so much about being what they need you to be. Just be yourself. That's what they need you to be."
A pleased grin split Bem's face and he patted my hand on top of his shoulder. "You're the best, Church. You're...you just...you...don't ever change, OK?"
"Sure." I agreed through my own smile. "You good now?"
"Yup." Bem nodded.
I stood off my knee and took my hand back from Bem's shoulder. I had an impulse to snatch Bem off his feet and hug him to my body, but I didn't. I didn't want to be too affectionate with Bem in front of Mary. The moment was bitter-sweet because I knew I was going to miss my friend, but I knew his life was going to get better. I was happy for him but selfishly sad for myself.
I didn't dwell on it. I couldn't. In the next split-second Shawn was next to me with his hand in mine and we were on our way to the apartment. As we left, I reviewed the plan' in my head. It had been decided that Met would stay in the hotel suite that had been reserved for Shawn and me and that he would serve as guide for Joe and Andy. Once Shawn and I were back from our stay-cation,' then Met would go back to his life, and Shawn and I would take over as tour guides for Andy and Joe. Met would also see to Joe's therapy for that time.
Shawn's mother was also going to pitch in as a tour guide and teacher of all things Solum. She seemed to hit it off with Andy and Mary and the twins. Joe had been standoffish with her, but he'd been standoffish with everyone since we'd gotten to Solum. I'd hoped he wouldn't be like that, but I really don't know what I expected. I consoled myself with the idea that Joe was there, and he was `fixed,' and all he needed was some therapy to be his old self again. Joe's bullshit aside, the arrangements seemed like they'd work out, at least in the short term.
Shawn rubbed my thigh and brought me back to the present. "Are you with me?" He asked.
"Yeah, just thinking is all."
"There's nothing left to think about. You did it. You did it again. You saved the world and everything is fine."
I turned my face to stare at Shawn. He stared back at me. "What?" He asked when I didn't say anything.
"I was just checking to see if you suffered a head injury in the last few minutes."
Shawn's inability to read sarcasm returned full force and his hands rose to feel around his head. "It seems fine. What are you talking about?"
"ME?" I asked incredulously. "What are you talking about? How did I save the world?"
"You saved your whole family, your sister and brother, your nephew and nieces...you even saved Bem. You did that. Instead of the whole wide world, you saved the little world of your family and friends."
I tried to object. "I just..."
"No," Shawn corrected me, "YOU did all of that. No one else can take credit. You worked and endured and suffered until you got them all to agree to do what's best for them. You saved them, and just like the last time, you paid the highest price of all." Shawn took my hand and squeezed it. "This time now, it's a lot like last time that you saved the world. It was hard, and painful, but you did what you had to, and you saved the world. In doing that, you destroyed yourself, just like the last time. Instead of your physical body, this time you stripped away all the walls you'd built around your emotions. Now that they're gone, and we're here alone, the healing can begin."
I saw the point Shawn was making but I didn't completely agree. All I did was show everyone the way. In the end, they made the decisions they needed to make. They're the ones that did the right things. I just fumbled around like I usually do. I didn't argue with Shawn though, because I didn't see the point. "Sure." I said to make it sound like I agreed without actually agreeing.
"Take a deep breath, love." Shawn told me.
I took a deep breath. I felt the air fill my chest as my ribcage expanded to make room for it. I blew the breath out with a rushing noise and went back to breathing normally. "We're all alone." Shawn reminded me. "We're all alone in our apartment and we have nothing to do for my uncle, or for your family, and there's no ancient evil to destroy, and no lost cat to find, and Bem is fine now, and your brother is here and he's fine and everything is right with the world and we're all alone."
I took another deep breath and blew it out and let the calm that Shawn was trying to push into me wash over my tortured psyche. "I love you." I breathed to my husband.
"And I love you." Shawn said. He shifted on the sofa and in one fluid motion he went from sitting next to me to straddling my lap with his knees next to my hips and his ass on my legs and his forehead pressed to mine. His frozen eyes looked deep inside me. "I love you, Church." He said into my open mouth.
I tilted my head to bring my mouth to his and kissed him again. He tasted better the second time. His mouth was wetter and less stale. I let my hands play down his broad back, from his shoulders to his waist, then I filled my palms with his firm, round ass. I didn't leave my hands there, as I might have if I was trying to entice him into a romp. Instead, I let them play along his bulging thighs and gathered his hands into them as they finished. I brought his soft, perfect hands to my mouth and kissed them both. I kissed the backs of his hands and each of his fingers while I gazed into his beautiful frozen blue eyes.
"What will you have, love?" Shawn asked me.
"Rest." I replied. "Rest with my husband. Peace and quiet and rest."
"Is that all?" Shawn asked through a smirk.
"For tonight, yes. Tomorrow though..." I trailed off and let some of my lust transmit across our link.
Shawn's eyes widened, then narrowed to sensuous slits. "Oh...oh my. Will you want to fuck all over the apartment tomorrow, now that we don't have to worry if someone will hear us or if the floor will creek or if the smell of sex will linger in the room after we've left? Will you want to have loud, shouty, needy, urgent, sweaty, exhausting sex with me until neither of us can move? Then, will you want to pass out, wake up, and do it again?" Shawn asked as he paraphrased the plea I'd given to Mary and Bem after we'd gotten back from the cemetery.
I opened Shawn's right hand and lapped the palm of it with the flat of my tongue. I pointed my tongue and screwed it into the center of his hand, then pulled it back into my mouth to answer his question. "Yes, that's exactly what I want to do. I am going to do such depraved things to you, and I am going to ask you to do such depraved things to me...if either of us can walk this time tomorrow, I'm going to consider the day a failure, and we'll have to start all over the next day."
Shawn kissed my mouth and let his tongue linger against mine. "That sounds perfect. Let's do that." "I can't wait." I said.
Shawn's enthusiasm dimmed for a second and he brought up another subject. "Before we do that, though...I think I want to visit you. I think I want to visit the you, in here." Shawn pressed his right palm to the center of my chest.
I felt my guard shoot up as Shawn mentioned the me that lived inside me. "Why?" I asked.
"What do you mean, `why?' Did you think that was a one-time thing? I want to visit that you again and again and again. I need to check on him. I need to make sure he's looking after himself. I need to make sure he's cleaning up his life. Maybe I'll help him paint his porch, or at least put some oil in his door hinges." Shawn stroked my head and ran his fingers through my long hair. "I need to spend time with him, so he knows he's loved. Don't forget, you promised to go to therapy with me."
I shut my eyes away from my husband's penetrating gaze. "I didn't forget. I'll go."
"It's for both of us, love. It's not just because you think you're broken. It's to help us both."
"I know." I said and sort-of meant it.
"Don't worry, love." Shawn soothed me and stroked my hair some more. "I've already seen the worst. When you're on the bottom, the only place to go is up."
I opened my eyes to look into the frozen blue of Shawn's. The color was so cold, but the feeling was so warm. I loved those eyes and everything around them. I felt my heart swell with love, with the love that Shawn had given me and the love that he'd awakened inside me that I didn't know was there. I wanted to tell him what he meant to me, but I knew I'd never find the words, and even if I did, he already knew. There was nothing for me to say. I took a deep breath of his breath and his warmth and his scent and breathed it out.
"For now, though...to bed."
"To bed." Shawn agreed.
We settled between the sheets and pulled the covers up. Shawn nuzzled against me, and I pulled him to me as tightly as comfort would allow. "Do you think...do you think someday, that I could visit the you inside you?" I asked.
Shawn didn't say anything for a long beat. I could feel his pensive emotion that he usually displayed when his mental processes were working. "I don't think there is a me inside me. I think this me is all of me."
"What do you mean?" I breathed to the dark.
"I think...I think you have a version of you locked away because...because you, you haven't accepted yourself. You haven't learned to love yourself, so you have this separate person inside. You segregate him away so you can pile your self-loathing onto him and keep it away from the you that needs to function. That's what we have to fix. Only when you're really reconciled with yourself will that you inside go away and you'll be whole."
"Like you are?" I asked.
"Sort of." Shawn hedged his answer. "Don't compare yourself to me, Love. Don't try to measure your emotional well-being against mine. I'm not perfect. I struggle. I just do it differently than you do."
"Gotcha." I said because I didn't know what else to say.
Shawn leaned into me and kissed the side of my face. "You and me, Church...you and me and us forever. We'll figure it out and we'll fix it, and we'll do it together and everything will be grand. Trust me."
"I trust you." I told the darkness, and I almost meant it. I thought about everything that had happened in the last weeks, then I thought about everything that happened in the last years. I thought about all that I'd gained since Shawn found me on that cold Thanksgiving eve and all that I'd surrendered. I thought about the love I felt and all the love yet to come. I took a deep breath of the dark bedroom air and breathed it out. I realized that I felt safe and warm and loved.
"I love you, Shawn." I said to the dark when my mind came to rest. "Everything I said to you...anytime I ever tried to tell you what you mean to me...none of it can express a fraction of what you mean to me."
"I love you exactly that much, Church, and I always will."
I closed my eyes and was at peace with the person who mattered the most to me on any world.
THE END, of part 2.
EPILOGUE
Hi there! It's me, Sam the author. The story is over and here we are with our thoughts. What did you think? Did you like the story? Do you wish it went in a different direction? Do you wish different things were resolved? Do you wish the things that were resolved, were resolved differently? I'd love to have your thoughts.
I've enjoyed writing this story and getting to live with these characters. To me, they're real people. To me, they tell me their story and I write it down. I have enjoyed the escape they've offered me. I've enjoyed having a place to run to when the world seems overwhelming. I've enjoyed going there with you.
To the readers that have read my words, thank you. To the readers who have reached out to me with support and encouragement, THANK YOU! I'll tell you all a secret. It's a secret that I think most authors have. If I were a singer, and I had no one to sing to, I would sing to an empty room.
If I were a singer, singing in that empty room, and someone came in to listen to me, it would make me sing harder and more passionately than when I sang for the empty room. If that person who came in, applauded just a little between songs, I would sing with joy in my heart and passion in my throat and enthusiasm in my voice.
It's you, lovely reader, you fantastic people who write in and share your thoughts, it's you that I write for, it's you that I strive for, it's you that makes me want to be better, to tell a better story, to tell a story that you will enjoy. If no one ever read my words, I would write just the same. You lovely people who read my words and who reach out to give me your thoughts, it's you who make the writing worthwhile. Thank you for giving me someone to write to!
Now, for an announcement. The characters you have met, they are not going anywhere. They have one more story to tell. The Crown Vic Chronical is a trilogy!! There is a new story. It is written and being rewritten while we speak. I'm working as hard as I can to get it ready for you. I'm going to start posting in two weeks, one chapter at a time to start, until I can catch up with myself and then we'll see about posting more often. The new story is called "Stolen Love." I hope you will enjoy it.
Thank you all! I am incredibly grateful to you. I am humbled and thrilled that you have continued the journey with me. I would also like to thank Nifty for giving me a place to post my work, for providing a venue for this weird play, and an audience like you. Please, if you can afford to, and this venue means anything to you at all, send Nifty a few bucks. Help them to keep this place open for us, as a gathering place, a place where people can congregate to enjoy some great gay fiction.
Thank you again from me and the whole crew on Solum!!
With much love and gratitude;
Sam (Church Philips) Stefanik