Welcome to Chapter 10. This chapter was delayed because of a pretty substantial rewrite. The need for that rewrite was pointed out by Earth Boy. So, to Earth Boy, here's a BIG SHOUT OUT and THANK YOU!! His astute commentary exposed a hole that I didn't know needed to be filled (HA, inuendo). Since the chapter was delayed, I'll make the effort to bring you an extra one soon! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! Drop me a line if you want. I'd be happy to hear from you.
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Crown Vic to a Parallel World: From Whence I Came The second installment of the ongoing adventures of Church Philips
10
Fun Shapes
As Shawn and Bem and I entered the house, we were stopped by Joe who came to meet us from the kitchen. Joe stood with his cane at his side and his arms crossed over his chest. "Now what?" He seemed to demand from Shawn and me at the same time.
Shawn's anxiety spiked as Joe asked his demanding question. I didn't understand that, but I decided not to address it. I didn't want to distract myself from dealing with Joe. I crossed my arms over my chest to match Joe's posture. "What do you mean, `now what?'" I asked him.
Joe looked me in the eye, then shifted his gaze to Shawn. He seemed angry about something. "Well," Joe said and paused, "I've got this power thing, and my son just decided he was gay, and now what?"
I didn't like the way Joe phrased that. It was the second time he'd characterized someone's sexuality like it was a choice. The first person he'd said it about had been me and now he was talking about Andy. When Joe had done it to me, it made me uncomfortable. Now that he was talking about his son, his son who he'd just promised to love no matter what, Joe's choice of words made me mad. I decided to take issue with what he said. "Andy didn't just `decide' to be gay." I said with verbal emphasis on the word I didn't like.
Joe looked indignant. He doubled down on his declaration. "Yes, he did. He just said he was. I looked at him with this magic power Shawn says that I have, and he said he was gay."
Some movement behind Joe caught my eye and I looked to see what it was. It was Andy who'd poked his head out of the kitchen. His faced was scrunched and worried. The look on his face, the fear that I saw, it made me feel like I was a kid again. It made me feel like I used to when my folks would mouth off about the `godless queers ruining the country.' I'd hated feeling that way and I hated seeing that look on Andy's face.
Seeing my nephew like that...it angered and embarrassed me. I felt embarrassed because of the way I'd reacted outside when Shawn and Bem explained their talk with Joe. All I'd thought of was how similar the situation was to my experience and how sad that made me. I didn't think about how Andy felt. I was ashamed of myself for that. The anger...the anger was because Andy was such a great kid, a wonderful young man who deserved to be treated like he was a wonderful person and not a `godless queer.'
I wished I could protect him somehow. I wished I could hide our conversation from him. I thought about putting Joe and me inside a magic box, but I worried that would cause more harm than good. Andy already knew we were talking about him. I suspected that if I sealed Joe and me in, then Andy's imagination would fill in the rest of the conversation. If the boy was anything like me, whatever he could imagine would be far worse than anything I planned to say.
Bem seemed to sense the right thing to do. He came to life from where he'd been standing at my side and hurried over to Andy. "Andy, why not show me your room? How about it? I've never seen an Earth boy's room. Would you show me yours?"
I could tell by Andy's face that he knew he was being herded, but he let Bem coax him up the stairs and away from our conversation. As they ascended the steps, Joe called after them. "Leave the door open."
We heard the bedroom door close behind Bem and Andy. The sound set Joe in motion. He uncrossed his arms, grabbed his cane, and moved toward the stairs. I suspected he was going to yell at his son to open the door. I suspected that if Andy didn't open the door, Joe planned to open it for him. I sealed us all in a box, Joe and Shawn and me. Joe banged into the wall of magic. He pressed against it then turned to face me again. "WHAT IS THIS?" He demanded.
"It's a wall of magic, Joe." I explained through forced calm. "No one can hear us. It seems we need to have a chat. I will release the magic when we're finished."
Joe wasn't pleased with the idea and said as much. "I don't want my son behind closed doors with a man that I don't know."
I didn't like that answer. It implied all kinds of things. It implied that Joe didn't trust his son or Bem, and by extension he didn't trust me. I didn't like any of that, but none of it was the point. I'd sealed us in to talk about Andy and his gayness. I tried to get back to that topic. "You lied to your boy, didn't you?" I accused my brother.
Joe set his cane down and crossed his arms over his chest again. "When?"
Joe's lack of denial, and his question, like he didn't know what I was talking about, confirmed everything that I had guessed about his exchange with Andy. I played along with Joe just enough to press him on the matter. "Just now, outside. You told him you'd love him no matter what, but you never told him it was OK that he's gay. You let him infer that you were OK with it, but you're not."
Joe shook his head and glared anger at me. "I NEVER lie." He insisted.
"You just did it again." I insisted back. "You just lied to me. A lie of omission is still a lie, Joe. This lawyer nonsense...Andy might fall for it, for a while, but not me. I'm too fucking old to fall for bullshit double-talk like that."
"It's a sin." Joe proclaimed.
Joe's assertion told me that he'd shifted gears on me. He was no longer pretending that he hadn't lied. Since I'd caught him and called him out, he'd decided to go on the offensive from what he thought was the position of moral superiority. That made me even angrier than I'd been before. I filled my lungs to shout at Joe. Just as I was about to blast him, Shawn took my hand and held it. His touch soothed me. It was like he drained all my anger away when he held my hand. I blew out my angry breath and filled my lungs again to reason with my brother. "Joe, for it to be a sin, it would have to be a choice. I promise you, it is not a choice."
Joe disagreed. "The Bible says..."
I held my hand up and talked over him. "Joe, I assume you love your son and don't want to see him hurt." Joe closed his mouth like he agreed with what I was saying. I hoped to maintain momentum in that direction, so I tried to chart a moderate course and reason with Joe. I decided to play for time.
"Andy's a young man, at a difficult age. He just told you something that, a little while ago, he wasn't even sure of himself. Why not let it lay for a while? I mean, a bunch of stuff just happened. I showed up, and you're not going to die, and you have magic power and everything. The boy is probably confused. Let it lay for now. See what happens. How about it?" I pleaded with my brother.
The anger smoothed from Joe's face, and he sighed. "That's reasonable." He agreed.
"Good. That's good. Was there anything else?"
Joe thought for a second. "My original question still stands...now what?"
I was going to say something, but Shawn seemed to want to speak. I still felt his anxiety and I still didn't understand it. He squeezed my hand and spoke up. "Now Church and I are going upstairs for a little while. When I come back, we'll work on your magic. OK, Joe?" Shawn asked.
Joe agreed that was OK. I released the magic around the three of us and followed Shawn up the stairs while Joe moved to the living room couch and sat down. I hesitated at the top of the steps long enough to make sure that Joe wasn't going to renew his calls for Andy to open the door to his room. When Joe settled on the couch and flipped the TV on, I allowed Shawn to draw me into our room. He closed the door behind us and sat me on the bed. He climbed into my lap facing me and wrapped his legs around my middle. "Hold me, love." He begged me.
I wrapped myself around him and held him against my body. Shawn rested his head on my shoulder and sighed as we relaxed into each other. Shawn felt anxious and a little frightened. I didn't understand why he felt that way. "What's wrong?" I asked.
Shawn lifted his head from my shoulder, kissed the side of my neck, then laid his head down again. "I feel overwhelmed. I was angry with Joe, then you had a moment, then Joe again...I just need to be held for a minute."
"It's more than that." I pressed my husband to share his feelings. "You're always so solid. I don't ever see you rattled. What...what's different?"
"The disapproval," Shawn breathed against the side of my face, "it felt too familiar."
I connected the obvious dots in my mind and understood. "Your father?" I asked.
"Yes." Shawn agreed. "It felt so familiar. Andy can't help being gay."
I connected some more obvious dots in my head. Just like Joe's disapproval of his son had triggered bad memories for me, it had also triggered bad memories for Shawn. That's why he'd been shaking with rage. He knew how bad it felt to be disapproved of for something he couldn't help. I voiced my understanding to him. "Just like you couldn't help having powerful magic."
Shawn hesitated, then agreed. "Right...I couldn't help it. It wasn't my fault that my father was intimidated by me and my mother. Poor Andy...it's not his fault that his father doesn't understand that being gay is no more a choice than being straight."
"Sucks." I said to sum up the situation.
"I am a little worried about what you just did...with Joe I mean. You put him off, but you kind of made it sound like Andy could grow out of being gay."
I understood what Shawn meant. I'd avoided the conflict for the moment, but I hadn't solved anything. "I just wanted to buy some time. Maybe when things settle down, it'll be easier to sell Joe on the idea of Andy being gay. I don't know. It was either that or yell at him a lot. The evasion seemed like a better option at the time."
Shawn nodded at my rationalization and thought for a few minutes. "I think," Shawn said and paused again, "I think you're going to have to be my uncle."
I didn't understand what Shawn meant by that. I also wanted to lighten the mood, so I teased him a little to get him to explain. "I thought we talked about that already. Didn't we agree that neither of us liked the idea of calling the other daddy' during sex? It's creepy. I don't think uncle' is much different."
Shawn lifted his head from my shoulder so he could look in my face. "Silly ass." He accused me through a smirk. "That's not what I meant. I mean you need to be Andy's uncle."
Shawn wasn't done speaking, but I cut him off to tease him some more by pretending not to understand. "I am Andy's uncle. I'm his father's brother which makes me his uncle. Now that I think about it, that means you're his uncle to. I mean, traditionally whoever I married would be Andy's aunt, but you're a man, so I guess that makes you his uncle. I mean, unless you want to be his aunt..."
Shawn cut me off with a hand over my mouth. He tried to resume speaking, but he didn't get a chance. I stuck my tongue out and screwed it into his palm. He yelped and jerked his hand away from my face. He wiped it dry on my shirt. "Silly ass." He accused me again. He tried to sound angry that I'd teased him, but he couldn't manage it. He laughed his beautiful ringing laugh, and I joined him.
His laugh made joy swell in my chest and reminded me how lucky I was to have him. When he finished laughing, he asked me if I was through being silly. I promised that I was, so he got back to what he'd been trying to say. "I meant that you are going to have to be like my uncle was for me. It's clear that your brother doesn't understand and won't accept his son for what he is. You will need to be there for him if his father won't."
I didn't see how that would be possible. Worse than that, I didn't see how I could be what Andy needed me to be. I sucked at being there for people. I argued with Shawn. "But how can I do that? You asked Joe to come with us and you saw how he reacted. I mean, how can I be there for Andy if he's here and we're there? And what about...I don't know, what if I'm no good at it?"
Shawn leaned in to kiss my mouth like he could kiss my worries away. "I'll help you." Shawn promised.
His pledge of help calmed me somewhat. I knew that Shawn could be there for people. There was more to worry about, but like the reasoning I'd used on Joe, I decided to let it lay for that moment and not to dwell on it. For all intents and purposes, we'd just arrived on Earth and just waded into my family's issues. We'd be on Earth for something like two weeks, at least long enough to settle Ars' business and get the Vic fixed up. There was time to deal with Joe and Andy. I kissed my husband in agreement and held him while he set his head on my shoulder.
"This is nice." Shawn said to the side of my face. "I like when you hold me like this. I feel so safe and loved when you hold me. Would you hold me for a while?"
"As long as you want." I agreed. "Forever, if you like."
"I love you, Church."
"I love you, Shawn."
He kissed my neck again and settled against me. I held him close and reveled in his heat and the rhythm of his breathing and the scent of his body.
I held Shawn as long as I could, but eventually we had to separate and go downstairs. Shawn went to the living room to work with Joe while I moved to the kitchen to loiter until it was time to start dinner. The house seemed quieter, calmer maybe. After the hectic morning and afternoon, I hoped for a quiet evening.
I brooded a little and worried about the discussion Shawn and I had about me having to be there for Andy. The boy wasn't my son. My influence over him and his situation was limited. I wasn't even sure if Joe would come to Solum with us to get his mobility back. I would have more influence if Joe and Andy were on Solum, but if Joe decided to keep them on Earth, there was little I could do to defend the son against his father.
I renewed my mental pledge to bide my time. I needed to see how Joe was going to act toward Andy and how he was going to act toward me. Any overt action on my part would likely alienate Joe from me and from the idea of coming to Solum with us. The whole situation was a minefield.
When my brooding threatened to overwhelm my reason, I stuck my brain in neutral to hide from it and drifted in that state for a while. I played around in the kitchen. I cleaned things that were already clean and wasted time. I only reengaged my brain when I started to get hungry.
At the point I came back to myself, my husband and my brother were still in the living room where Shawn was trying to explain the nuances of using magic power to a still-incredulous Joe. How Joe could continue to question the power that he himself wielded, was beyond my comprehension. Luckily, Shawn's patience was far longer than mine.
Another plus was Shawn's strict mental discipline. He could corral his thoughts onto a very narrow subject, so each time Joe activated his power, Shawn blurted a piece of medical trivia or something equally banal. If it were me, I'd be blurting my most intimate sexual desires because they would be what I'd want to hide the most. The idea of keeping my mind off my secrets when faced with Joe's power would be like telling a man on a ledge not to look down.
Just as I turned my thoughts toward food, Andy and Bem came down from Andy's room. Andy moved into the kitchen and offered to help me with dinner. Bem seemed to sense that he didn't have a role to play in getting the meal ready, so he drifted into the dining room. Andy and I checked the cabinets and the fridge and figured out an improvised meal. We immediately set to work cooking.
Andy was excellent in the kitchen. I guessed he'd learned out of necessity. I assumed Andy had taken over the cooking as Joe's mobility declined. I thought about asking the boy how he'd learned and if he enjoyed cooking, but I didn't want to bring up bad memories, so I kept my curiosity to myself and focused on getting the meal ready.
Bem was apparently feeling better, or at least he had more energy because he didn't stay in the dining room. At a loss for something to do, he wandered from the dining room to the kitchen to the living room and back and drove everyone crazy as he did it. On his third lap through the kitchen, I filled his hands with plates, silverware, and a big stack of oversized paper napkins. "Set the table." I instructed. "If you're feeling creative, fold the napkins into fun shapes."
Bem accepted the assignment with a mocking salute and marched to the dining room with purpose in his step. I was happy to have him anywhere that wasn't underfoot. Released from the distraction that was Bem, Andy and I kept an eye on the entrŽe and side dishes. When things were about done, I called into the living room magic class. "Wrap it up, guys. It'll be on the table soon."
Andy and I filled the serving bowls and plates with food, and with potholders protecting our hands, we carried the meal to the dining room. Shawn escorted my brother to the dining room and dutifully held a chair for him. Once Joe was seated, Shawn moved to his spot at the table. Andy and I set the food down. I was about to duck back in the kitchen for a forgotten serving spoon when an angry shout from Joe stopped me.
"I am NOT amused!" Joe's serious, stern face said. He held up a napkin sculpture that was a nude female body from hips to knees. The napkin thighs were spread wide. The space between them showed that they weren't the only thing that was spread open. It seemed that I'd underestimated Bem's talent for napkin folding. He'd created a very detailed representation of a pussy that begged to be fucked.
I did a quick scan of the table and saw that each plate supported an anatomically correct napkin sculpture. At my place was the front view of a nude male from hips to knees. At Shawn's place there was a `V' shaped torso from shoulders to thighs. Bem's plate supported a couple posed like the wax figures on top of a wedding cake, one male and one female. Andy's plate held a standing male figure, anatomically correct but with less detail in the genitals.
"BEM!" I shouted, angry and embarrassed and frustrated all at once. "Why, just why?"
"What?" Bem asked with feigned indignance. He even shoved his lower lip out in a pout. "All you said was `fun shapes.' I think these shapes are fun. I even tried to give everyone what they like."
I covered my face with my hands and felt like the whole world, and the one parallel to it, had conspired to keep me uncomfortable in my brother's house. I couldn't keep feeling bad though. The absurdity of the situation got to me, and I started laughing. I laughed and laughed until I laughed myself breathless. I heard Bem's cackle above my own raucous laughter and similar sounds coming from Andy and Shawn.
Joe didn't see the humor. He still wore a nasty scowl when I caught my breath and wiped the tears from my face. "I will not have this kind of filth in my house." He growled.
I ignored Joe, got the serving spoon from the kitchen, and sat down. "Church!" Joe demanded. He'd crushed the napkin sculpture in his fist and shook it at me. "Are you going to do something about this?"
I rubbed the back of my neck and tried to reason with my brother. "What do you want me to do, Joe? Bem did something funny that everyone enjoyed but you. No one was harmed and Andy hasn't seen anything at this table that he wouldn't see in the locker room at school, in health class, at the art museum, or in the hours of internet porn I'm certain he's watched."
Andy turned stop-light red and stared at his plate. His color proved I was right about the porn.
Joe refused to be reasoned with. "I demand you do something about this."
"OK, Joe." I sat back in my chair and folded my arms over my chest. "What do you want me to do? I'd offer to spank Bem except I don't think he would see that as a punishment."
Andy snorted and started to laugh. A glare from his father made him stifle his merriment. Joe brought the glare back to me. "You can keep your inuendo to yourself as well." He growled through clenched teeth.
I rubbed my neck again, sighed, and shook my head at my still-empty plate. "You win. After dinner I'll pack up the carnival and we'll find a hotel. I didn't think this was going to work and it hasn't." As soon as I said what I did, I remembered my commitment to `being there' for Andy. I hoped that I wouldn't have to follow through on my threat to leave.
Joe's glare softened to a medium scowl. "I don't want you to leave. All I want is respect."
I was relieved by half of Joe's words and enraged at the other half. I unfolded my arms, slammed my open right hand down on the table, and used it on the rise to point at Joe. "If you want respect, then you've got to give some back!" I exploded.
"You've been judging every single thing we do since we got here. This is who we are." I pounded my fist into my chest. "I am a homosexual man." I pointed my open hand at Shawn. "That is my husband who I love. Next to him is my friend, who I also love. Bem has a lewd sense of humor but has kept things very clean out of respect for you and your underage son. As for me, I won't pretend to be something I'm not, not anymore, and I won't ask Shawn or Bem to either."
Joe was silent, stunned by my outburst. I picked up a bowl, loaded my plate, and passed it around. Not a word was spoken through dinner except when one of us wanted more of something.
After dinner, I asked Shawn to take a tired-looking Bem down to the family room to rest while I cleaned up the kitchen. Andy jumped in to help and between the two of us, we made short work of the mess. When Andy and I were out of sight of Joe, I sealed us inside a magic barrier and put a caring hand on the boy's shoulder. "I'm here for you, OK Andy?" I said to him.
"What does that mean?" He asked.
I shrugged and shook my head because I wasn't sure what I meant. "I don't know, but...but I want you to know that I care and that I'm here for you...whatever that means."
Andy nodded once, then he seemed to think about what I said and nodded again. "Thanks Uncle Church."
"You're welcome. You're a good boy...I mean, a good young man." I thought about what I'd said and felt like a dope. I voiced my feelings to Andy for his amusement. "GOD I sound patronizing, don't I?"
"Yeah." Andy agreed with a smirk.
I tried again for some real praise. "You're a big help...you know, dinner and all. Thanks."
Andy's smirk widened into a smile, and he nodded again. I released the barrier around us and got back to the clean-up effort. Once the dishwasher was loaded and running, Andy drifted away. I made a pot of after-dinner coffee and carried two mugs to the dining room. I set one of them in front of Joe. He was staring into the tablecloth and didn't look up.
"What's it gonna be, Joe?" I asked. I stood at the foot of the table and held my coffee in both hands like it was there to buffer the rejection I expected to receive from my brother.
"Don't go." Joe said to the table.
I pulled a chair out and sat with my coffee at my elbow. I tried to explain the reality of the situation as I saw it. "Joe, everyone in this house, including your boy, is something, or does something you don't agree with. As for me, I'm beyond giving a good-God-damn if you understand it or accept it. I won't hide, and I refuse to be judged. How do you think it makes your son feel when he hears your comments? Most of what you've said to me could also be directed at him. You agreed to let it lay. Making snide remarks isn't letting it lay."
"I can only promise to try." Joe offered with no real commitment in his voice.
"That's the second time you said that. Do you mean it this time?"
Joe raised his eyes to me and lowered them again in shame. "I meant it the first time. I mean it this time. You're asking a lot."
"No, I'm not." I insisted. "I'm asking you to treat me the way you'd treat anyone who happens to be a little different than you are. I'm still your brother, I'm still a man, I'm still me; just treat me that way. You gave me less grief when I was a drunk. Why is this a bigger problem than that?"
Joe looked up again and shook his head. "You're right, it shouldn't be. I'll try...I mean, I'll do better. I'm sorry."
I didn't really believe him, but I gave in anyway. I guess I wanted to hope. "Thanks, Joe. We'll stay. I'll let the guys know." I left Joe to his thoughts and went to find Shawn in the family room. As I reached the bottom of the steps, I saw him in the middle of tucking a thin blanket over a lightly snoring Bem. "He was up a long time today." I whispered to my husband.
Shawn finished with Bem and drew me to the far side of the room to talk. "I don't like what being here is doing to you." Shawn whispered. His left hand was a balled fist, and the right was wrapped over it.
I played with my bracelet, fidgeting it up and down and turning it back and forth, like I couldn't decide what to do with it. I wanted to stretch the band, but it wasn't my watch, and it didn't stretch. I wasn't about to reach for my watch in front of Shawn.
"I'm not exactly enjoying myself," I admitted, "but for once in my life, I'm playing the long game. I want Joe to come back with us to get treated so he can walk. I want that for Andy more than I want it for Joe. I also hope that forcing Joe to deal with us and our relationship, will help him deal with whatever his feelings are around Andy being gay. I don't mind taking the abuse if it keeps it away from Andy. Maybe that's part of being there for Andy."
I felt Shawn's protectiveness stir inside him. He laid down his terms. "I want your permission to intervene if I feel I have to."
I leaned into Shawn and stole a quick kiss as a thank you for his worrying about me. "Do whatever you think is right. Joe never holds anything back, you shouldn't either."
Shawn returned my kiss in agreement. He went to check on Andy while I went to the main floor. Joe had just ended a call on his cell phone when I entered the dining room.
"That was Mary's husband." Joe announced. "He wanted to know what happened here yesterday morning. Apparently, Mary was so mad, she wouldn't tell Ezekiel anything until just a little while ago. He asked what you were doing in town. I told him you were here to deal with some investments. He wants to stop by and see you tomorrow morning."
I groaned and flopped in the chair that I hadn't bothered to push back in. "Why? Zeke hates me."
"He doesn't `hate' you. I don't think he likes you, but you were never exactly cordial with him. I got the impression he thinks Mary overreacted and wants to come with an olive branch."
"Are you sure he's not bringing a crown of thorns?" I asked sarcastically.
Joe's face started to clench into a scowl, but he fought it off. I guessed our previous discussion was fresh enough in his mind he didn't want to appear too judgmental of a bible reference that didn't have any heat behind it. "Jesus you're not." He muttered at me.
"Alright, if I have to." I agreed reluctantly. "What time is he coming? Did he say? I was thinking about how to keep this crew occupied tomorrow. I thought a trip to Philly would be fun, maybe check out South Street. I used to like it there. It might be neat for Bem to see an Earth city. I thought I'd bring Andy along if that's OK with you."
"Ezekiel said he'd be here after breakfast, so I assume between eight-thirty and nine." Joe shifted gears and addressed what I'd said about an outing. "It'd be nice if you'd take Andy with you guys. He's been in better spirits since you got here. I got to see him laugh today. He's been missing out on a lot of fun for the last two years."
I was surprised that Joe seemed to trust me all the sudden. I wondered what that meant, if anything. I wondered what was behind all of Joe's erratic behavior. I realized that he'd been bouncing around between being happy that I was alive and back in his life and being in violent disapproval of everything that I did. Joe wasn't usually like that. His moods and his judgements were usually more predictable.
I reasoned it out and guessed that Joe had been unsettled by our presence and Andy's coming out and magic and all that. I hoped that Joe's earlier reaction to Bem and Andy going off together had been the result of that. I didn't want to believe it stemmed from a basic distrust of me, my husband, and my friend. I consoled myself with the fact that, on the day we arrived, Joe had permitted Andy to go off with Shawn to shop for clothes. Andy had also been alone with me to pick out my suit and he'd been spending time in close contact with Bem since we got there.
I was busy rationalizing Joe's varied reactions to the company Andy was keeping when Joe spoke up and tempered his earlier permission with a request. "Try to keep it PG around him, at least PG-13. He's still a kid and I'd like him to stay innocent as long as he can."
I set my rationalization effort aside because it was getting me nowhere. It made sense that if Joe was unsettled, then he'd do unsettled things. He'd agreed to let me take his son to South Street, so that displayed trust, so that's how I'd take it. Simple. Besides, it felt good to get a vote of trust from Joe, especially as he'd so recently been distrustful. I decided to try to keep the positivity going. "I've been meaning to tell you, he's a really great kid. You did a good job."
"I did the best I could under the circumstances." Joe sighed.
His comment dropped the mood again and everything seemed grave. I drank my coffee and played with my bracelet while my mind tried to find a new topic.
Joe drank some of his coffee. He shifted his attention from his cup to say something. I don't know what he planned to say. Whatever it was got lost when he noticed my bracelet. He pointed. "What is that? You never wore jewelry before. I noticed Shawn has one just like it."
I held my wrist up for Joe to see it better. "That's the symbol of my marriage to Shawn. They don't use rings. Rings come off, this won't."
"What do you mean it won't come off?"
I pointed to the narrow end of the golden oval on my wrist. "They're sold in two halves, and they have little locator pins to line up the seams. At the wedding ceremony, each person puts the bracelet on their partner's wrist and seals it with their magic. This will only come off if Shawn dies or he releases me from the bond of marriage. See?" I held my wrist out toward Joe. "No seams or clasp. It's a solid band. I couldn't even cut it off. It won't scratch or bend. The magic locked inside it keeps it from coming to harm."
"That's really beautiful." Joe waved for me to move closer, which I did, exchanging my seat at the foot of the table for one to his left. He grabbed my arm to adjust the distance from his face so he could see the band clearly. "The sentiment, I mean. The bracelet is nice, but the sentiment, the depth of faith behind it, is truly beautiful."
"I fidget with it a lot, but it's nice. Wearing it is like holding his hand. No matter where he is or how far he gets from me physically, as long as I'm wearing this band, I know he's OK."
Joe ignored my sentimental display. He gave my arm back to me and asked a very `Joe' question. "What was the ceremony like? I can't imagine it was a traditional Catholic ceremony like I had with Beth."
I launched into my recollection of the ceremony without considering where the talk would lead. I realized that any discussion about my wedding would eventually lead to the subject of Solum and God, but I only realize that when I was already talking, and it was too late to dodge the subject. I went on with my story and hoped that Joe wouldn't connect the obvious dots, though I knew that he would.
"Far from it." I said about our wedding verses a Catholic wedding. "The ceremony was held in a hall built strictly for performing weddings. It was a large building, long and narrow with high ceilings, like a very plain cathedral with stadium seating. At the front, there was a raised stage where the ceremony took place. Off to both sides of the stage were door-less rooms where Shawn and I waited for our cue."
"All the friends we made were there. It was a small group, and they seemed a little lost in the massive hall. Shawn's uncle tried to pack the guest list with Protectorate dignitaries and politicians, but we refused to let him. No one gave anyone away and there were no best men or bridesmaids. Our outfits were wild. I was wearing a salmon pink jacket, long cut, almost like a lab coat with one button and wide lapels. The slacks were pleated and cuffed, and also salmon pink. My shirt and tie were both sky-blue. Shawn wore the same suit style, but the colors were the opposite of mine. His jacket and slacks were sky blue while the shirt and tie were salmon pink."
"Instrumental music played and started the action. Shawn and I walked from the rooms in the wings to the center of the stage and stood facing the audience. The official, dressed in ceremonial seafoam green, performed the wedding with his back to the guests. There were screens that showed his face and amplified what he said."
"The vows were simple, In the same way that we two individuals unite our lives into a single experience, I unite the two halves of this band as a symbol of unending love and devotion.' Each of us put the bracelet on the other and sealed it. The official said, Let the bond made here today last until death.' Then we kissed. When our lips met, the color bled from our shirts into our suits so when we parted, each of us was wearing a lavender suit with a white shirt and tie. The official spread his arms like Charlton Heston parting the Red Sea and said, `You are no longer two, you are now one. May you live in love and friendship.' The audience applauded and the official led us down the aisle and into the park at the back of the hall for photos. The whole thing took less than ten minutes."
"What about God?" Joe asked.
I sighed in mild frustration. We'd arrived where I knew we would, and I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to tell Joe that Solum was faithless. I knew that wouldn't sit well and I didn't want to get into another contentious topic. Joe had asked though, and I didn't see a way around it. "I figured we'd get around to this eventually." I admitted and tried for a sip of coffee.
I found my mug was empty, and I made Joe wait while I got us both refills. As I filled the cups and added cream and sugar to Joe's, I tried to think of a way to spin what I had to tell him but came up with nothing. There didn't seem to be a good way to explain that there was no religion on Solum. The situation made me very uncomfortable. If I could have rubbed my neck and played with my bracelet at the same time, I would have.
I thought of Shawn's advice about being honest with Joe and decided to tell the unvarnished truth. I set Joe's coffee in front of him and sat down with my own cup. I braced myself and told my brother what I wished I didn't have to. "People don't believe the same way on Solum as they do on Earth. In fact, they don't believe at all. For the origin of life...they don't look to God, they look to space, or nature, I guess. They took the concept of the Big Bang' literally and refer to it as The Spark.' That's where all life and all magic came from. It's a thing, or an event I guess, not a being."
"A lot of places have weekly meetings, but they're not for worship." I continued. "People go to them and they're kind of like a support group for life. People gather to talk about what's going well for them, and what's going poorly. The group leader, who is employed by the group, offers advice and counsel. Often, he or she tells little stories with morals about living a positive life. That's it."
Joe seemed more puzzled than put off by my admission. "You mean all existence is secular there? It seems empty. What do people hope for after death?"
"They don't look forward to anything. They live in the present and make the most of the time they have. It's not perfect." I admitted with a helpless shrug. "Some people struggle with the purpose of existence. How is that really any different here? The big difference is that, on Solum, the whole population believes basically the same thing. There has never been a religious war on Solum. People aren't despised for race or religion; they're united by their mutual faith in the present and the future."
"Wow, Church." Joe ran his hand through his hair. "That's a lot to take in. I don't have Mary's zeal, but my faith is intact. Have you completely abandoned your faith?"
I gave Joe another of my helpless shrugs. "I haven't thought much about faith since I moved out of this house. By the time I was Andy's age, I was so sick of being hit on the head with the Bible, I wouldn't have believed it if Jesus came down and shook my hand. It doesn't bother me. The meaning that some people find in religion, the new me found in life with Shawn. I don't need to live for God. Shawn and I live for each other." I finished my explanation and braced myself for Joe's reaction.
Joe spent some time examining the remaining coffee in his mug. When he spoke, he spoke to the coffee. "I don't know. I don't know how I feel about that. I know what Mary would say, I can even tell you the verses she would `hit you on the head with,' to use your words. You've given me a lot to think about and I need some time to process it."
I was relieved not to have to deal with Joe and his judgement in that moment. I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. I picked up my mug and held my hand out for Joe's. He swallowed the last of his coffee and handed it over. I rinsed the mugs in the sink and cleaned up the coffee maker. I returned to the dining room on my way to bed. I thought I'd found a way to explain myself so that Joe would understand my position. "It's really very simple, Joe. I found a way of life that makes me happy. I'm not hurting anyone. All I want is to live my life without being chastised for my choices."
"The Bible says it's wrong." Joe insisted with a ferocity I didn't expect, especially given the cordial conversation we'd just had.
I fought the urge to slap the shit out of my brother and reminded myself that reason was the only weapon available to me. "Joe, in November of 2019, I was a fat, miserable, barely functioning alcoholic. In August of 2025, I'm fit, I'm healthy, I'm sober, and I'm happy. I'm a whole new person, and it's because I have the love and acceptance of a man. That man is the reason for everything that's good in my life. How can that be wrong? Love is the only thing that matters in this life. Everything else is bullshit." I shifted gears without giving Joe a chance to respond. "Do you want help upstairs?"
Joe shook his head without looking at me or speaking.
"Goodnight then."
"Goodnight." He muttered.
I collected Shawn, who'd seen Andy to bed and had loitered in the family room while he waited for me to finish with Joe. We roused Bem, took him with us to the bedroom, and shut the door behind us.