EROTIC SHAME
Shame is defined by Webster as a "painful realization of having lost the respect of others." That is why it is more shameful to be dominated by two guys (or more), because the other guy(s) witnessing the disrespectful treatment makes it much more shameful than if the guy were undergoing the humiliation alone -- two or more guys "working over" a masochistic queer for sadistic kicks, are at the same time reinforcing their role as higher up in the pecking order, linking them subversively as "partners in sex" perhaps (like partners in crime), but not sexual partners (that would be too "gay").
Because shame is social and exhibitionistic, masochism is a natural complement to and ally of narcissistic masculine display of the type that can be observed in male/male agonistic behavior (i.e. aggression and appeasement) among other primates in establishing dominance hierarchies. Part of what gives sadomasochistic sexual scenes their powerfully compelling and primitive uncanny quality is that they are so deeply rooted in our instinctual primate nature.
All sports are ritual enactments of either hunting or fighting (think about it), often involving "pack-animal" cooperation (in team sports) with clearly-defined hierarchical roles (i.e the quarterback, lineman, etc.). Sports have the power to get us so excited because of its highly-instinctual roots; it really "scratches an itch,"-- especially for men; it is even deeply satisfying just to watch.
That's why one of my fantasies is sucking off a group of straight guys watching sports on TV together -- sharing some beers and sandwiches as well as enjoying the shameful attentions of an expert cocksucker, a guy like me who's queer and who knows it, and who even though he is not a real man (like the others), is nonetheless man enough to take some jocular abuse at the hands of a few drunken buddies.
SOME BACK SEAT ACTION
While I was in college, I was walking along the part of town where there were porno bookstores, x-rated movies, topless dancers and strip joints. I had had a few homosexual encounters already, but they were all with men I had met in gay bars and gone home with. One of these had been a black man in his thirties, who taught me a lot about giving blowjobs by telling me exactly what to do--to take it deeper, to speed up or slow down, etc., so despite my relative inexperience, I gave pretty good head.
As I was walking along, a car slowed way down and followed me for a while--I didn't look back. After a few moments they drove on. But then they must have gone around the block, because they came back. This time the car slowed way down and stopped, the passenger's side window rolled down and a guy about my age said, "Come here--we want to talk to you." I turned around to look at him and they stopped. He had brown hair that was cut long the way they used to do during the 1970s. He had heavy eyebrows over clear brown eyes and a smile that was almost a smirk, -- it gave him a slightly contemptuous air. There was him and the driver, a short, stout guy with a mustache in the front seat, and another guy in the back seat. They were all looking at me hungrily. My heart was pounding. I walked over to the car and bent down to the window.
The guy in the passenger's side was sporting a hardon, visible as a bulge in his jeans which he rubbed provocatively. "My buddies and me, we was looking for some back-seat action..." he said with that sadistic smirk. I got the picture. Although I knew I probably shouldn't, and my voice quivered with fear, I asked them if they'd like some head, and they opened the back seat door and said, "Hop in.".
I knew when I got into that car that anything could happen. They might very well beat the shit out of me, or even kill me. But the fear only added to the excitement and gave the scene a real edge.
As soon as I had gotten in, they sped off. The guy in the back seat next to me was very long legged and had a really pockmarked face, with buck teeth and eyebrows that had almost met in the center. His trousers were tented. "Unzip it," he ordered in a voice surprisingly deep for a man so young. I unzipped it and pulled it out. "Suck it!" he commanded with an authoritative tone, as if he was not sure if I'd actually do it if he didn't say it firmly enough. So I bent over in the seat, grabbed his dick with my hand and started sucking just the head, while my hand pumped his shaft up and down. He moaned.
Soon the car came to a stop, and looking up, I could see we were in a deserted parking lot not too far from where they had picked me up. The scene was dimly lighted by a lamp post on the other side of the lot. The guys in the front were now bending over the seat to watch me suck their buddy off.
I decided to kneel down between his legs as he sprawled out over the back seat. I took my shoes off, so I would be more comfortable. The guy in the passenger's seat asked me lewdly, if I always took off my shoes (as if I did this kind of thing regularly).
As I got to sucking him serious, the guys in the front were saying stuff like, "Do it!" or "Suck it good!." Laughing about it, making comments to each other. I asked the guy I was sucking if I could lick his balls for him. "No," he said,"I'm not into the whole gay thing," This is the first time I had ever had sex with a man who didn't identify himself as gay, which made me feel somewhat afraid and excited and at the same time ashamed of my homosexuality.
"I'll let you kiss my nuts," promised the guy in front, and this was followed by chuckles. The ugly guy's dick was about seven inches long and was rock hard. I jacked it with one hand while I sucked on his cockhead. There is something humiliating in sucking an ugly man's cock for him. You know that he doesn't probably get girls very often, and it makes the suck job feel real low and vulgar, like you're doing this guy who the chicks have rejected. I kept bobbing up and down, slurping it up, gagging on it. Before long, the guy was breathing hard and his dick swelled in my mouth. "Bitch," he said under his breath. His legs tensed up and then he shot a big load deep into my mouth and throat.
"Swallow!" commanded the guy in the passenger's seat, and I did as I was told. "Alright!" he exclaimed, laughing.
Although the whole blowjob took only about two or three minutes, I had worked up a real sweat bobbing up and down on his rod. "Now do Jimmy," the guy in the passenger's seat said.
So the guy I just sucked wiped himself off, zipped up and he got out and the driver, a short guy, got in the back seat, while the homely guy got in the driver;s seat. The stocky guy seemed real nervous. He unzipped and pulled out a stiff, short, thick cock. I could take it all the way in all at once, and so I deep-throated him. He grabbed and held my head with both hands, while he skull- fucked me. His dick was short enough that this didn't gag me and I could really take it good. He pounded away at the urging of his buddies and shot in less than a minute.
Finally, it was the guy in the passenger's seat's turn--he jumped out and got in the back seat from the right door, while the short guy exited by the left door and resumed his position in the driver's seat while the long legged, homely guy pushed over to the front passenger's seat--then they both turned around to watch.
This last guy was clearly the "boss" and it seemed to be his idea of picking up and then using a fag this way -- real shameful, real desperate, real young -- the kind of thing that they would each probably be ashamed of the next day. He went last because he was the dominant one, and was looked up to by his pals--I bet neither of them would have ever done anything like this without his instigation.
He unbuckled his belt, unzipped and pulled his pants down almost to his knees and told me to kiss his nuts, which I did immediately and with enthusiasm. He was not unmoved by this shameful submissive display. I then sniffed out his crotch, real queer-like, and he said, "Yeah, sniff those balls" and then added, under his breath, "faggot!" I told him I liked to be called names, and then he became really verbally abusive with me, calling me a cocksucker, calling me a queer, calling me a homo and shit like that. His buddies also chimed in and soon I had successfully created an abusive pack mentality -- three horny straight guys using a masochistic fag for kicks.
I began to feel that hot flush that fear and shame aroused in me in the presence of a truly dominant, sadistic other. The dynamics of abuse just made me more submissive and masochistic. He took a hit of poppers and started saying stuff like, "What makes you so queer? Huh?" He handed me the poppers, I took a good hit, then I confessed all kinds of humiliating shit, that I was all queer for his cock, that I wasn't a man at all compared to him, that I was a worthless cocksucker that was good for just one thing--sucking dick. The guys in the front seat had pulled out their dicks and were masturbating themselves as they watched their sadistic buddy using and humiliating a fag.
At one point, he pulled me by the hair off from sucking his dick, then bent down and spit right in my face. Then he slapped me and pushed my head back towards his cock, which I sucked up eagerly to show him what a submissive fag I was.
It took him about fifteen minutes before he came. He masturbated himself and shot off in my face while I was sniffing out and being all queer for his nuts.
The other guys who were masturbating each came again, right after their buddy. Finally, I came too and they liked seeing me come from stimulating myself (none of them had touched me except to slap me).
When they were through with me, they dropped me off where they had picked me up at. ___ BITCH FOR TOMCATS After a job interview in my early twenties, I went to the "Tomcat Cinema" a place that showed "X" movies, and was frequented by straight and bisexual black dudes looking for head. It was noon.
I walked in in my suit and tie, went right up to a big tall dude and started rubbing his crotch. He unzipped and I fell to my knees. Man, he had a HUGE one! I sucked it until it got hard and then I took it out of my mouth and started kissing it and rubbing it in my face real queer-like. A few other guys gathered around to watch this shameful display. One grabbed my head and fed me his dick. He was saying stuff like, "Suck it, bitch." I said I liked to be called names like that, and he told me I was sick. Another dude started slapping me in the face with his hard dick while I was sucking another guy.
I went back and forth between three or four guys for around twenty minutes or so. They were telling me to suck, calling me a punk and a bitch, laughing about it, making comments to each other. I think the fact that I was a young, white guy in a suit gave them a real power trip about the whole thing. One guy came in my mouth, another jerked off and came all over my tie and shirt, another shot in my face. After they were done using me, I went into the washroom to clean myself up. I was a mess-- hair rumpled from being yanked around from guy to guy, sperm on my tie, jizz dripping from my beard, my knees were soiled.
I cleaned myself up as good as I could and walked back to the hotel (it was only a few blocks away). The shame I felt for my dirty knees was delicious.