This is a true story my story of my life in the past 18 years of my life. I haven't shared it with many people but I think it could help someone. Today is March 24, 2008. I turned 18 one month and 20 days ago. People tell me I should share this story so here goes. Disclaimers apply if your not 18 or 21 in some areas leave now. If you are offended leave now I don't want hate mail.
My name is Vitaly Noah Eyam Golovastov. Vitaly Golovastov is Russian were I am from. Noah is for the American country I was born in from the doctor who delivered me and Eyam is English for my Father. I have Heterochromia (also known as a heterochromia iridis or heterochromia iridium) is an ocular condition in which one iris is a different color from the other iris. Which is the only Hetero part about me. So that means I have one bronze eye and one green eye. I have black hair and stand 5'10 and weigh in at 145.
But my story begins in 1990 in Dzerzhinsky were my mother Zhanna Tchaikovskaya meet my father Anton Eyam Golovastov-Brearley. My mother got pregnant and didn't tell my father until it was too late. I was born named and given to a foster home. Olga worked as a catholic nun in the home I was in. It was an all boys home called Beloretsk. Not much happened until me except that I was almost adopted at 4 but they were gay so it fell through. At 8 one of the older boys named not taught me how to jack off. At 9 learned how to suck off the older boys for more food or to hang out with them for protection. This place was full of bottom feeding scum, kiddy fuckers, weirdo's, pervs, bullies, and even two brother killers. I had been there longer than most but because I was young I needed protection. Which I didn't mind the dick sucking or the constant threat of being put out of the group.
At 12 is when my life turned around not so much for the better. The priest (imagine that) called me into his office. He said it was to meet a potential family. When I got to his office he closed and locked the door behind him:
....
IN HIS OFFICE
"Come in.. boy sit down. We have a lot to talk about seeing as your going to be here awhile."
"What do you mean Sir?"
"Well cause your queer nobody wants your faggot ass in there home in Russia or anywhere else so your going to help me and a few of the priest here out with your so called abilities... So come here faggot and get on your knees."
At 12 I was scared and confused and even though I had heard some of the other older boys say gay I didn't know what it meant. The only women around was sister Olga and she was old so I didn't know any better. I started to cry and he didn't help.
"Come on faggot I'm not gonna hurt ya to bad.. So just come here and don't make me make you just except it and take your rightful place on your knees over here NOW!!"
"But I'm not gay I don't even know what that means and I don't wanna."
"I know I didn't ask you boy I told you come're."
He grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me over to were he was standing and pushed down on my shoulder. I had tears and snot running every where but he didn't care he just told me to shut up crying isn't going to get me any where. He pulled out what looked to me at the time the biggest cock I had ever seen because I had only seen the other boys who were only 16-17 ys/o.
"Open your mouth boy we ain't got all damn day"
So I did out of fear and what little respect I might have had left for the man who has helped raised me since birth.
"Come on I know you're good at this I've seen you suckin them older bo..... There ya go that's it yeah suck it lick around there good boy yeah FUCK unhh yeah open wide baby here it cummmsss!!!!"
AT 13....
Now only 9 months later I was use to suckin the priests off. It felt dirty and bad and wrong but I had to life. Even if just to spite them I had to life long enough to get out have a career and spit in the face on the foster home that spat in mine for so long.
At 14....
I had just turned 14 when sister Olga told me that I had been here too long and they wanted to get me out there and try for someone anyone to take me home and love me. That she loved me very much but she was never going to enough for me and that I deserved better. I kinda figured she found out what was going on as when was packing I heard her and Father Slava arguing about my leaving. It made me feel good that she cared so much about me that she wanted better for me. Most kids no matter the age are adopted with in 8 weeks of coming here but not me. So there was no way that wasn't planned. I went to stay with a couple who wanted to take me back to Germany with them. They only spoke a little Russian and I only spoke a little German. But we managed and it seemed that I was finally going to go home. Not if Father Slava had anything to do with it.
Shortly after I left sister Olga died of a pulmonary embolism. She was old 71 so I guess she lived a good life.
So father took me away the day I was suppose to leave and said they couldn't take cause I was a problem child and the only reason I got to leave is because of sister Olga's dishonest behavior. Which wasn't fully a lie. She Lied to Father about were I was going and I think she knew some how I would end up back here in my old dirty room on my old dirty mattress. And the only thing I truly owned my stuffed ducky I've had since I was 3 that Olga got me for my birthday.
When I got back mostly everything was the same. But with out Olga I had no excuse to get out of anything he wanted me to do. I found my ducky when I got back and just cried. I probably cried for a good hour and a half. Finally I started to clean up my pitiful excuse for a room and found a not that Olga left for me before she died. It made me upset cause there is no way to know a pulmonary embolism unless you knew you were sick and she never mentioned to me her being sick. It read like this:
"My dearest Vitaly, I love you more than words can describe as if you were my own flesh and blood. There is nothing and no one who can ever take that away from me. I know you're gay and I know what Father Slava has put you through I had hoped putting you with the Engel's would give you a chance this place never could but if you are reading this Father Slava took that away for that I am sorry but know that I am always looking down on you. I pray that one day you will get out of this awful place and be someone. I want you to make it for me and for you. No matter how hard it gets here take it one day at a time. It will all pay off on its own. Poetic Justice is a powerful thing my boy. Love always Olga."
That brought me to more tears then I ever thought I could cry.
AT 15..
15 I ran away I couldn't take any more of Father slava shit. He tried to rape me and I wasn't going to let that happen so I kicked him in the gut and ran. I ran out the door and down the street. I heard him calling my name but I just ran and never looked back but one only to run into the man of 38 I would spend the rest of my life with.
I ran 'til I couldn't hear his voice anymore and when I couldn't I looked back and ran smack into an arm that pulled me into his chest I thought it was Slava but I couldn't tell I was screaming so loud all I remember hearing was some American say something I later came to understand was sssssshhhhhhhh be quiet its going to be okay and felt a soothing slight rub on my head before I blacked out completely.
I woke up in a hotel just outside of StPetersburg called Pribaltiyskaya. Everyone knew it as one of the most riches hotels in Russia itself. I didn't want to be awake and I didn't want to be here with some American I didn't know I heard the stories but as scared as I was I would rather whatever was going to happen here to happen then go back to Father Slava's place. I said
"I do not know what you are saying who are you were am I let me go I have to leave before he finds me please"
But he didn't understand me and I didn't understand him and his American English. I got the international signal for quiet when he put his finger over his lips and said shh. I got that. But that's all. He walked over to me and I quickly moved a little until I felt the pain shot through me like fire. It was in my hip. After that he sat there and talked like I knew what he was saying. I didn't dare move to avoid the pain. He got closer and rubbed my shoulder. I flinched back because I thought I knew what he wanted and I wasn't going to give it to him. He got up and made a call. I was tired and he was in the other room so I laid down and fell asleep. I felt a blanket being pulled over me and even though the pain in my hip and the few items I had in my bag were at his disposal I was too tired to care.
I woke up long enough to process were I was and to feel the pain and Dila the duck under my arms. I guess it hadn't been long since the last time because he was till on the phone speaking English.
I felt a slight shake on my back and heard someone asking me in Russian what my name was were I was from who I was running from how old I was were are my parents and do I want to bathe.
I was kind of embarrassed at the last one cause I knew I stank but I could only get out a few words. I was shaken and scared of these two men in this hotel room with out knowing me and vise versa. I held Dila the ducky close to me and began to sob just enough to show the fear that was apparently radiating off me. As I go to get off the bed to get into a corner away from these men I fall off and grab my hip with everything I had I didn't scream. But I did, the man who spoke Russian to me came over and asked if I was going to be stupid and try that again and I said no. He picked me up like I was a 2 y/o who just scrapped their knee. He said something to the man in English and he brought me to the bathroom were the American had begun to run a bath for me.
My hip hurt my ducky was away from me and I was about to be naked in front of two men that I didn't even know there names. Then there I was naked and alone in a tub. I felt vulnerable and nervous but some how relaxed that if worst came to worst I could scream really loud and hope someone heard. James the other American who spoke to me in Russian came in and asked if I wanted anything. I said my ducky and something to drink. I don't know why I felt even the least bit safe but I had been here for at least 6 hours passed out twice and couldn't walk and nothing has happened yet so I guess in the back of my head I felt safe safer anyway to be away from Father Slava.
He came back and handed me Dila and a coke with a pill and told me that it was just Tylenol to help my hip and to make me sleep but I didn't have to take it. I asked him to help me wash. He seemed okay with it and I just wanted to have human non sexual contact by a man. He washed me as I held onto my ducky and sipped my coke. It was about 30 mins before he took me out and carried me to the bedroom. I was nervous of what the other American thought but James told me it will be okay and I trusted him. I took that pill and was asleep before I was dressed.
The next day I awoke and as sore all over from the running and the weird sleeping position I found myself in this morning. James walked into the bedroom and started asking me what he did last night hoping to get answers this time. I'll try I thought.
I told him the whole story though mostly tears. He asks if he can bring in Brian cause he can help me and he has some questions. I said okay but I wasn't to happy with the turn of events. He walked in and asked pretty much the same things which James answered. James told him what I told him. I could see the welling up of tears in both their eyes. James reached for Dila but I snatched her away.
(what is the deal with the stuffed animal?)
(she's the only thing I ever got as a birthday gift because I was not allowed to have anything but sister Olga slipped it to me on my third birthday and now she's dead.)
James left the room to use the bathroom and left me and Brian alone. I trusted James but not Brian at least not yet. We tried to communicate as best we could he did funny little dances but I only got about a third of what he was saying. I had a feeling James wasn't in the can he was letting us bound through stupid dances and word games. I came to trust Brian quickly and began to get close to him.
It had been two weeks of me attempting to speak English and him just barley getting by on the seven words he knew. I had learned through James that they were there as a business meeting and were leaving in just a few short days. I was scared that they would ship me back to Father Slava's care but I hoped for better than that. James was working on all the paper work to allow me to be adopted by Brain and go to America to leave with him. But I didn't know so when news came they were leaving I broke down again. I guess some how I thought it would be different this time with these guys. James picked me up and pulled my face to his and showed me the documents he got overturned so I could be adopted and move back to the Americas with Brian. I cried more but for a good reason for the first time in my entire life. James was a lawyer and Brian was a doctor. They are in a practice together and came here to explore their expansion options. I asked to see Olga's grave one last time before we left in two days and they readily agreed.
THE AMERICAS A NEW BEGINNING...
On the 23 hour trip back to where they live in some place they called Tacoma WA. we saw the ocean and I puked a lot like 6 liters worth. It was all worth it though. We had to stop and transfer onto anther plane in NYC. They delayed our flight 8 hours for bad weather so we went sight seeing. It was so cool. I had never seen so much stuff in my life and since I had no carry on luggage they bought me a back pack and coloring books crayons an Ipod and some kind of American candy. They laughed when we got back on the plane and they handed me a sour straw and I cringed. It was defiantly different than the candy back home, well Russia that is.
Anyway we finally make it to Tacoma. Brian's house was huge and so was James'. The first thing we did was go buy American things like clothes and furniture and game systems and things I don't even know to this day what they are. Then I enrolled in something called high school. Whatever. Those people put me in ESL classes and no one spoke Russian only Spanish or German which I knew some of thanks to the German's who tried to take me away from the hell that was Father Slava.
School was going pretty good I learned quickly the English that was American. But with the thick heavy Russian accent I had even if I spoke English it was hard to know what I was saying anyway. I also quickly caught onto the customs of the American high schools. Gay was not good which sucks cause I am obviously. But I joined ROTC so that was nice. It was for the Air force which I want to join. I took a quick liking to a boy named Wagner. Well I didn't know his first name at first but now I know its Giovanni. He was on the rifle team and drill team.
He was tanned skinned white boy. My dream boy 6'1 160 of muscle blonde hair blue eyed all American sports boy. And damn if he looked good in his uniform. I knew there was no way he could be gay. But he hung out with the gay kids who I was immediately drawn to well with my super under worked pumped up Gaydar. I asked Alex if he was gay and he responded like so:
"Are you kidding me he's only the leader of GSA and the god of every gay boy and straight girls masturbation fantasy. I think you should go for is Russia."
Russia was my nick name cause Noah was to preppy bible and no one could pronounce Vitaly right. I don't see how its so hard but whatever not my problem. Its not like I hated being called Russia. In fact it felt kinda nice having friends to be called a good nickname.
"Hey Russia come here I wanna axe you somfin"
Wow he was talking improper American grammar to me and even though I didn't understand much of what he said I walked over there.
"Yes Giovanni what can I do for you?" So my English flirt is bad sue me I've only been here for a couple months.
It was the middle of school during lunch when I walked over there. He grabbed my neck and planted the best kiss of my 15 years ever. It scared me cause I didn't know how the breeders would react but they didn't do anything like it didn't matter. This was a great change for me. When he finally broke it off he said he heard that I liked him and he wanted to know if I could come "study" with him tonight. I said I'd have to ask my dad but I'm sure he would say yes. Now Giovanni is 17 and I'm almost 16 so we're not that far apart. I text Brian who I now called dad cause it seemed to fit the moment I got off the plane; and asked if I could and he said okay but home by 11 it was Friday.
Giovanni's parents were on a date so they hit the ground running wasting no time. The kissing touching rubbing shirts gone shoes socks off good bye pantalones. Hello Giovanni's bedroom. The only problem Giovanni's little sister is due to come home ant minute now. Oh well. But by now I was getting a nervous hard on the worst kind in my opinion.
He started to rub his hand on my cock and since I hadn't had it is so long willingly and I've never been fucked I was more than scared I was petrified. But a I almost came right there so I pulled away.
"Something wrong Russia you scared or something cause we can stop if you wanna"
"Its just that I never done any more than given the occasionally blowjob so I really don't know what to do after that."
"That's okay Vitaly I'll go slow."
He used my real name and got it right I knew this would be a learning experience if nothing else. We made our way to his bed and I ended up on my back with my legs spread on each side of him. Then the underwear his and mine gone in a flash. The licking and kissing resumed as well as the fondling and the nipple pinching. I'll tell you what not really into the pain of nipple pinch yeah oh no not so much. I have enough pain in life I sure don't want to associate it with pleasure no thanks. I felt a cold gel being pored onto my ass hole and pulled away a little. It scared me. But his fingers felt like bullets going in. It hurts but not as much as I thought it would.
Then his dick was there. And as he pushed in he told me to push out and I did but I think it wasn't the pain as much as it was the trauma from the past that I had to deal with. I cried for a minute and he asked if he should pull out but I said no its not him its me keep going that I was fine. But I wasn't; I was in shock. I couldn't feel anything anymore and had lost all train of thought until I heard
"I'm CUMMMMMING AWWW UNNHH FUCK!!!!!!!"
I got off with out knowing it and he collapsed beside me with a kiss on the lips he said that was awesome and fell asleep. Although this time I really wanted it and didn't have to convince myself I did I still some how felt dirty and guilty for liking it like everyone was right I am nothing but a piece of faggot trash.
I fell asleep next to him and woke up in his arms. He said I was crying which I said was embarrassing.
"Why baby"
"Cause your not suppose to hear me cry ever. Even if I am a faggot piece of trash."
"What!? Baby who said that. It's not true your not just a faggot piece of trash. If you were you wouldn't be here right now. You'd be turning tricks and the truck stops."
"Just my old priest. He was a real piece of work."
It was 10:30 and I had to go home so he drove me. At my door step he kissed me and it made me feel loved it a way not even my new dad could. Like I was more in the world then a rescued rat from a piss pant town in Russia. He left and called me later Saturday night. We went out on an officially date and had more then just I need to get off sex I pretty sure we made love.
It's now two years later I go into the air force in two months after I graduate and then I got to school to be pediatric doctor. And Giovanni is going into the marines after we graduate and then he gets out he's going to school to be social worker. So there it is my life story. Don't worry theres plenty of awesome sex but that might have to wait and we'll see.
Love Vitaly Noah Eyam Golovastov