Friendship

Authors Notes

I published a story posted on Nifty - Friendship, Adult-Friends, April 29, 2011. It was to be a one episode story. A sequel formed in my mind, Friendship 2. This new story is a continuation of Friendship but can stand alone. However, Friendship 2 would probably be more easily understood by reading the first story. My apologies to those who liked the ending of the earlier Friendship story.

Both stories are not autobiographical and are products of the writer's imagination.

preecherdave@gmail.com

Friendship 2

James and I kept up our visits to the the gym, 2 - 3 times a week. Our dinners out and our movies dropped off. There were no more concerts and few book discussions. We did double date with him and Steve. Steve and Anne were oil and vinegar; he talked mostly to her but it was superficial and stilted. Steve avoided me. Several times he did small intimate things to James who seemed to be put off by them. He obviously was establishing his position with James and letting me know my place in his life and James'. Nothing was said afterwards, it was just obvious that we would never do that again. We saw each other at work often but our friendship became less and less close.

I had to admit that life lost a lot of its zip. I often seemed on automatic. In March, about a month after the opera evening, Anne and I were out for supper. She mentioned that I seemed off since some time in February. The time she mentioned was that time of my night at the opera with James. She said that I had never mentioned moving in together again and that our life together had lost some closeness. I said that maybe I was just a bit down from and a long hard winter and I would certainly try to be a bit more like the old David. I started to look inward to figure out what the problem was. Even my first glimmerings, scared the hell out of me.

A few days later on a Monday in mid March, James did not turn up at my cubicle for our workout. I searched for him in the staff lounge and then finally went to his office. His back was to me and he was staring out the window.

"James. James. James!" I said. "Are you solving a major contract problem, having an out of body experience or having a sex daydream?"

"Any of those would be better than reality." He said as he turned to face me.

"James you look like hell. Have you had any sleep?" I said as I walked quickly up to him and I squatted down to touch his arm.

"Steve left after a bitter argument. I was up most of the night."

"OK, workout cancelled. Let's go back to my place for talk and food."

"I don't want to see anyone, especially Anne."

"She won't be there. She doesn't live there."

He looked up with surprise and said that we really hadn't kept up.

When we got to the condo he sat on the sofa and I asked if he wanted anything.

"David could I have one your hugs?"

I sat beside him and put my arm around him and pulled him to me. The story started; the tears started.

"What an idiot I have been. I thought that I had met some one who I could really be with. As the novelty wore off I should have seen the signs. David I learned too much from you. Our conversations were superficial. He didn't read, keep up with current affairs and didn't really like classical music. I should have seen it but I made excuses to myself. This weekend I finally called him on another unexplained late night. It turns out that we had very different ideas on monogamy. What was wrong with a few experiments with a guy with a cute butt or with a guy who was well hung, once, twice a month, a week? He even admitted that he hated opera and he only went to get a free night out or to get layed. His last words were bitter, cynical and cutting.

"Hates opera! Goes to get layed! Capital offences." I saw the first break in the tears and a trace of a smile.

Shit, David, he would not get the humour in that. He couldn't even think like that. In fact, his humour was juvenile."

I finally saw that his emotions had levelled out and I said that it was time for single malt and food. We talked some more about Steve and then we branched out to work, current events and life.

"David, it is so good to be back with you as a friend. David, what's up with you? You said that you and Anne were going to move in together."

"Well, not exactly, I said that there was some talk about it. Our lives, work" I paused thinking, "I don't know," another pause, "We just never got around to it. In fact, we had a long talk about the whole thing a few days ago. I think that she feels that our relationship has become a little stale." I paused and looked at him. "Our friendship seemed to slip really badly, especially after the double date."

"Oh, the double date. I realize that the little prick set out to sabotage it and our friendship. He is jealous, nasty and insecure. He actually talked and laughed about our little 'experiment' in straight and gay double dating to my friends. He made it sound strange, ridiculous and funny at the same time. What happened to our friendship David? We just seemed to drift apart. We never talked about personal things after that."

"I thought that was the way that you wanted it. After a night of incredible closeness, that night after the opera, you announced that you had met someone and were going to have a monogamous relationship. I saw doors closing."

"David you gave no indication that you wanted more than being a straight man trying something different with a gay friend. David you told me that you loved me but you were not in love with me. Then you said that you were talking about living together with Anne. I figured that we had a male friendship where you experimented with your gay side and decided that you were totally straight. In fairness to both of us, those were that parameters that we had set. I had told you early on that I would never make a move on you and I left the relationship basically to you."

"OK, crossed signals, words and feelings not spoken. I'm still confused and mixed up but I know one thing now. You mean a lot to me. I have missed the friendship that we had. Please James can we repair it?"

"There is nothing that I would like better."

"James, you don't have to answer but just before we parted that night, what did you mean when you said that you loved me but you were a little less definite about the second part? When I looked at you, you said gotcha and gave a rueful smile."

"David, time for truth. That whole scene is engraved in my memory. You said that you loved me but were not in love with me. Something made me want to tell you my true feelings. I was falling in love with you. When I realized what I had said was probably a mistake, I tried to take it back. David, I want your friendship if that is all I can have. I want a friendship based on truth and no bull shit, even if there is nothing else."

"James, truth. I am confused and not sure of myself right now. I want your friendship. Can we start there. What do we do?"

"First a promise that we shall be straight with each other, well maybe not too straight," he said with a big smile, the first big James' smile of the evening, "Honest with each other in all things, no bullshit."

"Yes, as you said there is nothing I want more than that. Where do start tonight?"

"Thank you so much David! I feel energized. I have somethings that I have to take care of. I had the locks changed early this morning and I have to give new keys to the Building Superintendent. Then I want to pack all of HIS things. I shall be overly generous. I don't want to give him any excuse to stay or linger. We are finished and I want to see his back walk out the door. I want to phone some friends to let them know what happened; I don't trust the prick to give a truthful account. Tomorrow, workout and supper? Start at the beginning."

James made his moves to leave; as he went to leave I went up and kissed him lightly on the lips. He responded with a kiss that was much less light. I guess I knew where he stood. We smiled and I whacked him on the rear for his efforts as he left.

"That was straight man's whack. I'll repay you for that one." He said with a 1000 watt smile.

"There are no difference in whacks!" I said sarcastically

"Yeah! Do you want to feel the difference?"

I paused, "Yes." He showed me. Shit, I tingled in places where a straight man should not tingle. We both laughed. James was back in my life.

Did I have a lot to think about. Talk about life changing in a moment. What did I want? My soul searching was going to become more intense.

The next 3 weeks were a wonderful time. We had workouts, suppers, movies and a concert. We disagreed over the first movie and we had a great discussion about the film. We discussed current affairs. Luckily, he loved the concert because the Mozart was beautifully played and the Shostakovitch was dramatic and thrilling. He was reading some mysteries and I was reading a new book, Operation Mincemeat, which was the old story with new evidence of the Man Who Never Was; the story of the body dropped off the coast of Spain in WW2 to spread disinformation to the Nazis. We discussed the history of the Nazi occupation of Europe.

Anne and I had several dates with friends and suppers together and one serious conversation. On Monday, James dropped by cubicle.

"You look tired and bit out of sorts."

"Anne and I gave each other our keys back this weekend."

"Oh."

"Eloquent as usual?" I paused dramatically. "She said that I was different these last weeks, more alive and upbeat. She concluded that it was obviously hard to compete with James. She wants us to go our separate ways so that no one is hurt. There, as we promised, the truth. James I am at a loss to explain how I feel. Last night was like a stream of consciousness novel almost all night. What was I doing? What would Anne tell her and my friends. Was I gay, bisexual, straight. What did bisexual really mean? How would my friends act, my parents. Back again to my friends and Anne. Had I been fair to her? Did I hurt her? Would my best friends disown me if I broke the mould that they knew as David...."

"David, stop. You are a programmer and I am the head of sales. We break things into small steps. We set goals. Anne has made a decision; nothing you can do about that. Look back on your talk with her, I don't think she will bad mouth you with friends. You don't have to have answers all your stream of consciousness questions at once. We decided weeks ago that we would just establish our friendship and we are doing that. Let's continue. Take a few small steps at a time. Things tend to work themselves out. However, don't look at me for an explanation of your feelings; that can only come from you. Let's work out and have some supper. Lighten up, enjoy the trip."

We did. We had more diners, movies, a walks in the woods by the river, shopping together.; I was spending a lot time with James, comfortable time. He asked me to join him and his friends at the Club, a small gay club, on Friday night after our workout on Friday. I agreed. I spent a lot of time thinking and figuring during the week. I got some sleep but not a lot. On Friday night we joined his friends and I was greeted warmly as a long lost friend. We drank and danced. At one point, I felt someone groping my ass and I caught his good friend Robert doing it. He smiled and we slowly danced away from the others. Robert finally stopped dancing and said that they had noticed a big difference in James and knew it was not just the break up with the prick."

"David, please don't hurt him. Don't play with him. It is obvious that you mean so much to him. We all really like you but ...." He stopped and looked almost pleadingly at me.

"Robert, we have promised each other honesty and no bullshit. I have a lot to work through. The last thing that I want to do is to hurt James. We are working on our friendship and I am working on other issues. I promise that I will not lead him on."

"David, I believe you. Please be kind and loving to him no matter what you both decide." Wow, no pressure there. Why is that some conversations just seem to have great meaning? I guess they get your thoughts directed and clarified? Time, place, circumstances? Robert's actions, words and my words to him seemed to focus my mind on how I felt and what I wanted. It clarified a lot of things. Thanks Robert. You probably will never know how this little interaction has affected me.

As we moved back to the other dancers, he groped my ass tenderly with a big smile on his face. I reciprocated. James looked at me with a questioning grin. I whispered that we were just talking about him. As I dropped James off at his apartment. I mentioned that I was going to the market for supplies on Saturday afternoon. He suggested that he come and that we go back to my place to cook a big supper and watch a movie (I had the better kitchen and batterie de cuisine). I said that if he was inviting himself back to my place for supper then he would have to help cook. He said that he had actually improved his skills in the last months. I said that seeing was believing. I got a playful shot in the arm for that. My heart lurched; this man was getting under my skin and into my heart.

Saturday was great; a wonderful sunny April day in the north. Winter was gone and sun and warmth were returning. Just walking around with James felt right. We laughed and joked. Sometimes just silent as we soaked up Spring. The produce was imported, available in the Supermarkets, but it was great to be out and just walking. We cooked a great meal. I toasted his great new skills as we dug into a meal that we had cooked together. I told him that seeing was believing; I got another tap in the arm. We took our wine to the living room and started a movie. It was a bust. We turned it off and discussed why we disliked it. Bad dialogue, gratuitous violence, bad use of the camera and scenes that needed editing.

"Well, we both trashed that movie and haven't even seen it to the end. What next?" James wondered out loud.

Thing fell into place. I knew what I wanted, the next step. We had been sitting close and our legs and bodies had been touching. I turned and physically turned him to me and kissed him. The kiss became more involved, active and I pushed my tongue between his lips. His lips opened and we slowly and then more passionately moved tongue on tongue and traced lips and then jaw and then back to mouth and tongue. I chewed on his upper and then lower lip. We were both breathless. At one point, James stopped, looked at me and asked if I was sure. My answer was to kiss him again and run my hands over his chest. Then I opened his shirt. I played with the hair on his chest and finally with his nipples. In no time our shirts were off. This dam had burst.

My hand slipped down to his thighs and then gently between his legs. He was fully turned on. So was I. He had said that I had to make the decisions. I stopped, stood up and then put out my hands and pulled him up. I turned him around and moved us to the the bedroom. He was about to say something. I put a finger on his lips and told him that he had said that only I could make up my mind. I undid his belt and his zipper. When I was finished he was standing facing me straight and ready. I touched his cock and he shivered and moaned.

"No fair. Only I am standing here naked and proud."

"Then do something about it." He did. I have never been as hard in my life and proud of it. When he touched me, I cried out. I knelt in front of him but he stopped me and pulled me up..

"Dave, I don't trust the prick. He is liar and a cheat. I shall be tested on Monday. Until my results are back, hands only."

"James, only you would do that." I paused, "But, I have some ideas though, about hands only."

"Show me Dave. I am in your hands." I groaned at his lousy play on words. He laughed as I went and got some hand cream. Things often don't fall into place in the right order. Note to self, buy lube tomorrow.

When I returned I made James kneel on the bed with legs spread facing me while I stood on the floor facing him. I lubed my fingers. I bent over slightly and used one hand to delicately fondle his cock and with the other hand I fingered his balls and then his crack and hole. When I finally inserted my finger in his hole and found his prostate, he was whimpering. After a few minute of a not so gentle hand on his cock and prostate, he stopped me and said that it was my turn because if not, he was not going to last. We changed positions and I realized that my ideas had been excellent. My nerves were firing and I had spasms of pleasure that left me lightheaded. At some point, I had lost track, we were kneeling facing each other and pleasured each other together. I finally cried out as I felt my orgasm start in my balls and it went up through my penis; there were jets of semen erupting from me onto his stomach and groin. He followed even more loudly than me. We were a wonderful mess.

"Dave, some ideas. Better than the movie." James said slyly.

"Do you want to discuss why, point by point?"

"No smart ass. Just come and hold me. I take it that I am invited for the night?"

"Its entirely in your hands." He smiled tenderly and put his arms around me. "You have called me Dave just like you did that night after the opera. The next morning, you changed back to David. Am I imaging things?"

"David is so formal; it's what everyone calls you. That night I felt so close and connected that I wanted something that only I called you. The next day with all that happened, David came back."

"Will I be Dave or David tomorrow?"

"We'll see. I hope Dave." With that we lay spooning and I fell into the first gentle sleep in quite a while. I woke the next morning with James' arms around me. There were two very hard cocks. With new ideas and improvisations on the theme, that morning in bed, it was still Dave over coffee. James became Jamey. We agreed, new names for a new friendship.

We were both very busy over the next week and had a couple of work outs and suppers but little time for much else. I had invited Jamey to come to our Friday pub with my friends. We drank and played pool. Little did I know that he was a shark. With lots of laughing and joking they accused him, and me by implication, of being hustlers. He held his own with the banter and got in a few of his own zingers. I was on an emotional high from the wonderful evening with my friends and their welcome to Jamey. It was one of the best nights that I had had in months. Small steps were about to become bigger ones.

When we got back to my place, as the door shut, I grabbed him, forced him against the wall and started to aggressively kiss him. We managed to get our jackets off while our tongues thrust in and around our mouths.

"Did you get your test results and are they OK?" I managed to get out.

"Yes and yes!"

"Mine were the same"

Before he knew what had happened I had his zipper down, his very hard, throbbing cock was out of his shorts and into my mouth. I was not gentle but I was careful. I licked his head like a lollipop and then licked up and down the shaft. I took one ball and then the other into my mouth and sucked each. His cock head was in my mouth. The taste of his precum and smell of his musk from a night at the pub was one of the most incredible delicacies and turn ons I have had in a long time. This was the essence of Jamey. I just sucked his cock as far down as I could until I felt my gag reflex starting, gagging would certainly spoil the ambiance. I wanted to give him the blow job of his life. I lost track of time. He finally yelled stop. I did and looked at his cock dripping with my saliva and his precum beading in the slit as I slid my thumb up the tube on the bottom of his cock.

He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up and pushed me into the bedroom. He literally stripped off my clothes and pushed me onto the bed. Then he proceeded to do a strip tease as he slowly took off each piece like a Full Monty act and stood there looking down at me. It was his turn to take control. I learned many tricks as he sucked and played with me. I almost lost it when he got between my legs and spread my legs and lifted them up off the bed and licked from my balls down my crack and licked my hole. I was in a delirium of pure sensual pleasure. At some point we ended in a 69 facing each other on the bed. With a finger in each of our holes rubbing up and over the prostate and cocks in and out of mouths he warned me that he was cumming but I just kept sucking. I felt the first blast hit my tongue and tasted and felt each successive pulse. A minute or so later my release came; it was so strong that I felt every nerve fire with a mixture of pain and pleasure. It seemed to go for a long time and ended with small jolts of pleasure. I was apparently quite vocal.

The next month followed much the same pattern doing the ordinary things of life, together. We ended up staying many nights at each others apartments. We did a lot by ourselves but joined each others friends often. There were a group of my friends that played make up soccer at odd times of the week and weekends and we found that Jamey had played in high school. He was rusty but in good shape from our workouts. It added a great new dimension to both our lives. As he predicated, the small steps seemed to cause things to just work out.

I walked into his office one day and he was on the phone. There was frown on his face and terse replies from him. When he got off the phone, he said that he was pissed. The rental company was putting his rent up considerably. He said that maybe it was time to buy something. He had the money but had been put off by the hassle. My mind went into overdrive; small steps, bigger steps. What the hell!

After our workout and supper at a local restaurant, I gave him my thoughts.

"Jamey, an idea."

"You know that I like your ideas. They can be very creative and fun."

"Get your mind out of the gutter. As much as I like the gutter.... I have something else in mind. Why don't we both save some money and time. We are spending a lot of time at each others places. I have a large condo. Give notice, cancel your lease and move in with me. Save money and do what you want over a period of time." The look on his face was shock.

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure of what? That your rent is increasing, that you can save money, that my offer is genuine?"

"Dave it is a big step for you, for both of us."

"Are you backing out, saying no?" There was a pause as Jamey collected his thoughts.

"No, I m thinking of you, your friends. I realize now that my mind was made up last Fall."

"All we have to say is that your rent went up and you are using my place to save money until you find something to buy in a difficult housing market. Jamey time for truth to myself and you. My mind is made up. Jamey can we just live a lie to the world for a while and just live in our own little world? You know you were right; take the small steps and sometimes things just work out. I know what my heart wants." I was shocked at my own acceptance. He reached out in the restaurant and held my hand and his eyes locked onto my eyes. I think that we both had moisture forming in our eyes. Our moment of contact was broken by a clearing of a throat."

"Will there be anything else gentlemen? Sorry, it is close to closing time. Do you want your bill now?" Said a grinning waitress.

James spoke with a smile still looking at me. "This has been a wonderful meal and great start to our evening." He looked at her, "Our bill please."

Wow and what an evening it was. We had lots of ideas that night, very inventive. We didn't get much sleep. I had officially made my mind up. He never did answer my question about moving in until the next morning, on the phone, when he gave a verbal message to cancel his lease and said that he would drop in an official letter later in the day. Sometimes words aren't needed. I guess we sealed the deal, all last night.

He moved in and unlike all my previous relationships, we seemed to enjoy each other and our lives together more each day. I think that we both blossomed. Our relationship outside of each other grew. A couple of Jamey's friends had played soccer in high school and fooled around with it in University. They were excited to join us with my friends. They became part of our soccer teams. They included Robert, the groper; he played soccer well. They were great players as their game came back and they slowly got into soccer shape. Our first wrinkles came with poker night at our condo.

Jamey had a night planned months before with some of his buddies. We decided on a plan. We messed up the second bedroom to look as if someone slept there and moved few of his clothes into the cupboards and drawers. The guys gave him a hard time about not joining us for poker. He said that his poker was rusty and that he didn't want to be taken to the cleaners. The guys said yeah, they hoped that they were rustier than his pool skills. They yelled that he just didn't want to pay them back for his winnings that night at pool. He left in a midst of friendly catcalls. I yelled out, "Have a good night Jamey. See you tomorrow."

Jamey came back while the guys were still there. He had a beer, kibitzed and finally said that he was tired. As he left the room, he said that he would see me tomorrow morning for coffee. I got an almost sultry look. I returned the look. Alex, my best friend from University, stayed to help clean up when the others were gone. As he left he gave me a look and put his hand on my shoulder and said that he was glad that I was so happy and left. Curious.

I went down the hall to the second bedroom and looked in on Jamey. He looked as if he was asleep but I wasn't sure. I was awake, emotional and horny. I went over and touched him. He was awake and he turned and smiled that sexy, sly smile of his. The smile of wonderful pleasures shared. I stripped slowly in front of him and I was hard and leaking by the time I was naked. I pulled back the covers to discover a naked body with a very straight, inflamed cock staring at me. No words had been spoken, none needed. I knelt between his legs and for the first time I took him down all the way. I repeated it many times sucking and using my tongue. I had been practising. After he did the same for me, I had him on his hands and knees. I licked down his back and then lightly nipped his ass cheeks. My tongue travelled along his crack to his hole. I played with it and then I stretched him and put my tongue in as far as I could. Then my lubed finger, in and out, over his prostate until he was squirming and crying out. Finally the head of my cock was at the entrance.

"Do you know how much you have come to mean to me. Tonight is for you, I want you on fire, in my thrall." My hands roamed his body. I touched the tip and traced the head of his cock, gently at first and then aggressively. As I did this I pushed slowly into him. As I went further in, I timed my down stoke on his cock so that I reached the bottom of his cock as I went in all the way. I pressed forward with my body and tightened my grip around the bottom of his cock. I could feel his cock get bigger as I kept more blood from escaping. He cried out that I was torturing him. Did he want me to stop? His reply was not on your life. Our finish was explosive, indescribable.

That was our first time in the second bedroom. One step, one idea, one memory, one building block, one room at a time.

A couple of days later Alex phoned and said that he was free and would I join him for supper. I told him that it was great idea, that we hadn't had a chance to really get caught up in a long time. He agreed. I let Jamey know and he told me to have a good time. Little did I know how much catching up Alex and I were to do.

Alex and I chatted and ordered. It was really nice to be with my best friend from University. At the end of the meal, Alex looked at me with a little tension in his body and eyes.

"David, I am going to say somethings and you can say what you want to my musings." He paused and smiled. "We have been really close. We have covered each other on a lot of capers. David, I have never seen you so full of life and happiness. I noticed some things the other night at poker. I went to the can off the master bedroom to get rid of some beer. I noticed two different electric razors, toothbrushes, different deodorants. I passed the second bedroom, I assumed James' room. It looked staged. The sheets and covers pristine, never used. My curiosity got the best of me, I'm sorry. The bathroom had no sign of usage, no razor, no deodorants etc. When James left you called him Jamey, a special name that you never use for him in public? I've seen the looks you give each other when you think no one is looking. I saw the look you gave each other as he went to bed on poker night. I'm not prying I just want to be able to cover your back. I think that you are in love. There I have said it."

I'm sure that the shocked look on my face said it all. I couldn't hide a lot from a perceptive best friend. "Alex you have missed your calling. You would make a fine detective or a great snoop." I frowned and then poked his arm as I broke out into smile and a laugh. "James and I promised each other one small step at a time. I guess this is one of first big steps. You are right."

"You and James are together?" I nodded yes. "Physically?"

"You looking for detailed descriptions? You only get those if I get details about you and Jane."

"Touche. But you are straight!"

"I guess a bit bent now but something is still quite straight at the right times." I raised my eyebrows and smiled. He smiled back and laughed and said that was too much information.

"But Anne and all the other women?"

"Alex, I have learned that things are not quite as cut and dry as I thought and as many people believe. Do you want the long or short story?" He indicated the short story.

"Jamey and I started out as workout partners in July of last year. One day I asked questions and he told me that he was gay and said that he didn't want to lose my friendship. I realized that he was still the same person I had known for months. We talked a lot about sexuality and the spectrum of responses. We became good friends and he told me that he would never hit on me as we were friends. In November, I initiated a physical contact out of curiosity. It never went further in my mind than curiosity and we became very good friends. He met a guy assuming that I was a straight guy who had satisfied his curiosity. I had Anne and we even talked of moving in together. In February we had another physical contact initiated by me. He announced the next day that he had met someone. I told him that Anne and I were talking about moving in. We still worked out but we slipped away. I went into a funk, not knowing why. The guy he met turned out to be cheat and a prick. We renewed our friendship and Anne saw before I did what James meant to me. We broke up. Alex, I don't look at other men. I am only attracted to Jamey. Believe me I have done a lot of soul searching. There is a spark between us. It is trite but he completes me. I can be with him for hours and not really talk and be comfortable. We share so much."

"You sound the way I feel about Jane. You are still the guy that I have known since early University. I love you like a brother. Thanks for being straight with me." He smiled and raised his eyebrows. "Now that I know, it's a secret with me and I have your back when you need it."

As we left the restaurant, I stopped and gave him the manly, jock hug and said thanks. We both laughed. What a relief, my best friend, still my friend and going to stand by me. I rushed home to give the news to Jamey. He smiled, kissed me and said that he had told me a step at a time.

A few weeks later we were at poker at Martin's place. Jamey had joined us. He had a great poker face and knew his cards well. He got lots of ribbing. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Rob asked me how Anne was. I simply said that we had broken up. Then he asked if I was going with someone. I said not really.

"Anyone in mind?" I shrugged and must have had a deer in the head lights look. He turned to Jamey. "James, you are his roommate. You must know his inner most secrets. Spill."

Jamey and I locked on each others eyes. He had an intense look. My eyes said no not here. Then he paused and looked at Rob and said, "Rob, you know me, I'm deaf, blind and dumb."

Alex broke in. "James, glad to hear you admit it. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb! Hey guys, we have a game to play. Let's get dummy here to part with his money. It should be easy." Laughter and couple of back slaps to Jamey. Thanks Alex.

Ron one of my other close friends from University came up to me as we getting our stuff together to leave. No one else was around. He looked at me.

"I'm not prying but I have noticed a real change in you in the last months. I saw the look tonight and I have seen others. You are spending a lot of time with someone. I think there is someone very special and I think I know who it is. Anyone is lucky if the find their soul mate, no matter who he or she is. If it is who I think it is, you and he are very lucky." My eyes were glistening and I gave Ron a huge hug and whispered thank you so much. I suggested that we have lunch or supper some night soon and get caught up. Jamey appeared as we broke our hug and said that we would make a great looking couple. Ron looked straight at him and said that he was sure that James and I looked much better together. He winked at Jamey and gave him the same hug. The look on Jamey's face was priceless. Oh, for a camera at that moment! Ron and Alex, two down.

Jamey's birthday was coming up and I knew what I wanted to do. True to his word our relationship had progressed at my pace. With Alex and Ron in on it, I made my decision. Another major step. We went out for supper and when the meal was over. I took over.

"Happy Birthday, big guy, lover." I pulled out a small package. He opened it slowly with a look of concentration and questioning. The ring was a wide gold band with carvings around the outside. It glittered in the candle light. The small card read: it will be sized to the finger YOU want to wear it on. All my love, Dave.

For once in his life Jamey was speechless. His eyes glittered and I thought of the often repeated phrase, all that glitters is not gold came to mind; the item may not, by itself, be worth a lot but the thoughts, emotions behind it were priceless. His only words, softly and lovingly spoken, "Let's go home, now." We walked hand and hand for the first time down the street to the car. Very little was said. His first words were really spoken when were inside our home.

"Dave, I have let you set the pace. I think that we are both up to the same speed. I have never had a present with so much meaning. Do you really mean I get to choose the finger?" I nodded emphatically. "Then put it on." He held up his left hand and his ring finger. With shaking hands, shaking with joy, I put it on. "You had it sized for this finger!"

"No, just came like that, a fluke." I gave a not very convincing weak smile.

"I see that sly smile." He moved, in what seemed like slow motion and kissed me. We had kissed many times. This one was different: tender, loving, consuming but still passionate and it got more passionate. Sometimes it is difficult to describe the most meaningful times of our lives. As the night progressed I felt that my body was on fire. We spoke words of love and commitment. When he entered me I felt as if he possessed my body and soul. After many minutes of sublime pleasure, I pleaded to be inside him so he could share the exquisite sensations. I yelled with pleasure and love as I entered him. After many minutes I erupted in him and murmured my love yet again to him. When he reentered me I felt possessed by a wonderful spirit. He moaned his love as I felt him fill me.

Even after our climaxes, incredibly, both of us remained hard. When he invited me in again, I felt him surround me. As he opened and closed his canal, the sensations, the heat were incredible. I always find that coming a second time is even more intimate; my orgasm is stronger and is almost painful in its pleasure. I could only gasp and moan as it hit me. He whimpered when he came again in me. I think that we both uttered quiet expletives. He was still wet when I slid slowly into him from behind the next morning and slowly used my hand to bring him a breathless climax; I was right with him.

Then next weekend we had our usual soccer game with some of my friends and some of Jamey's, although they were now our friends. Jamey and I were on different teams. Jamey scored the first goal against us. Robert, Jamey's good friend, scored the next one for our team. Rob scored one and I managed to slip by Jamey and get a goal to end the game in a tie. There were many raucous threats from Jamey about what would happen to me and he took a lot of ribbing. After the game, Rob and I were talking, when suddenly Rob looked over and said oh my god, Robert and Andy are queer. I looked over and saw that they were disappearing around one of the buildings with their arms around each other; there was no mistaking the intimacy.

"I believe the word is gay."

"They are Jamey's best friends. Did you know?"

"Of course."

"They are cocksuckers."

Jamey was approaching with a questioning look on his face. I signalled to leave it to me. He did. "So what's wrong with cock sucking?" Jamey's eyes bulged out.

"It's gross!"

"A question Rob. Do you like having your cock sucked by a woman?" He looked at me as if I was crazy and nodded yes enthusiastically.

"Why?"

"It feels fantastic and is really sensual."

"So let me get this straight. If your girlfriend goes to bed with you and takes your cock in her mouth, your cock has its own special taste and has precum on it. She doesn't seem to mind. You feel great. She probably enjoys it. So everyone is happy. But let's say if I did it to, say, James. It would taste that same, he would get the same pleasure and so would I. He would get off and might then do it to me and I would get off. The difference is?" I didn't really give him a chance to answer. "By the way do like going down on a woman." He nodded yes. "Pretty messy and wet down there but it does taste good doesn't it? Gross? No way."

"Put like that OK but with a man? What about the other stuff. You couldn't do that...." He looked at Jamey and I as his eyes looked down he saw the ring on Jamey's finger and then on mine (Jamey had marched me down to the jewellers the day after his birthday). "Oh, shit. You are not just roommates." He looked shell shocked.

"Rob we can go through the 'other stuff' at another time and it might be an eye opener for you. I guess I've answered your question from poker night. Rob, I guess introductions are in order, meet Jamey, my partner. The guys are going for a beer. I'll let you tell them in your own words. It's time." I turned to Jamey with raised eyebrows.

"It has been time for me, for quite a while." The statement came with his 1000 watt smile.

We got to the pub and all ordered beers. Everyone from soccer was there. I asked for their attention and then said that I had answered Rob's question from poker night. "Rob do you want to tell everyone?" Rob smiled and said that he thought that I should do it. Surprisingly he actually said it kindly as a friend; I must have said something right. I just said that Rob asked if I was interested in someone at poker the other night. I said that I had given him an answer today. I held up my hand with my ring and said simply, that they should meet my someone, Jamey, my partner. Ron, Alex and Robert all got up together came over, gave each of us a hug and said that it was about time and that we deserved each other, in a derogatory tone. It got a little silly but there was fun, fellowship and we were soon on to the soccer match with lots of abuse, given and taken.

We had, what was to become our annual July 1 celebration (Canada Day, the Canadian National Holiday). Our condo had a great view of the fireworks. Only one couple couldn't come. It was a mixture of straight husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends and gay couples and singles. Rob and his girlfriend were there. I had had my talk with Rob about other things at his request; his smiles, days later, told me that he learned something enjoyable from his 'queer' friend. The whole group were our friends: they mixed well and I think everyone enjoyed the evening. We all stood ahing and oohing over the fireworks, each with arms around the ones that they loved. Alex and Jane were beside Jamie and me. Jane looked at me and winked and then pulled Alex closer. I pulled Jamey closer to me There were no more looks or comments. Things were as they were.

Some times I have these moments when I feel at peace with the world and filled with joy and contentment as I did that night. In a strange way it is tinged with a bit of melancholy but not sadness, maybe it is just a more contemplative moment. In this more melancholy mood, Matthew Arnold,, the 19th century British poet, in his great poem Dover Beach said:

Ah, love, let us be true To one another! for the world, which seems To lie before us like a land of dreams, So various, so beautiful, so new, Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light, Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain; And we are here as on a darkling plain Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight, Where ignorant armies clash by night. I am not as melancholic and pessimistic as Arnold, I interpret his words maybe differently than others. There are days when I feel that we do live in a darkling plain but the darkling plain is what we make of it. We have our loved ones. We make our own joys, our love and light and give meaning to our lives. Our certitude is how we deal with the struggles and flight of ignorant armies of the the world that clashes around us. To me, it is the simple things that we look to. Sometimes we do it right and sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we get a second chance; sometimes we don't need a second chance. It is the small and big steps that create our own small worlds of peace and joy and love, if we are lucky.

It has been several years since that day in July. Jamey and I have been through some interesting times but the pledge of honesty and no bullshit has gotten us through. Starting our own small business had its tensions but we have quite a bit of money in the bank now, a nice home, some great vacations and great friends. Our trips to the Metropolitan Opera have been fantastic. It seems that Jamey didn't marry me just for a night out or to get layed. Actually I never asked why he first went to Opera with me. I couldn't have the wrong answer because that would be a capital offence and I could not have that.

Yes, we got married; it was both practical and romantic. We wanted our rights secured with no questions but mostly, we did want to make the commitment to each other. At our wedding, Rob came up and said that he had a great time and gave both Jamey and I a big manly hug. Robert groped me; plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose (the more things change, the more they stay the same). My parents came. Jamey's didn't; but that was almost a given. But we had hoped; actually they have softened towards us, small steps. His brother and sister did and we have become friends. We do a lot with Alex and Jane and are blessed with our special times with my godson, Jason, Alex's boy. Robert is one of my really close friends now.

I found out that I am a one person, person. For us, we still take one step, one idea at time and it has worked out so far. I still get new ideas; Jamey likes those. Jamey has a few of his own ideas. Wow does he have some great ideas. I start to tingle just thinking about them.

Authors further notes

I am not a great reader of poetry but a few poems, read in University, have stuck with me. Dover Beach is one. I have copied the entire poem below for any who want to savour it.

DOVER BEACH The sea is calm to-night, The tide is full, the moon lies fair Upon the straits; -- on the French coast the light Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand, Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay. Come to the window, sweet is the night-air! Only, from the long line of spray Where the sea meets the moon-blanch'd land, Listen! you hear the grating roar Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, At their return, up the high strand, Begin, and cease, and then again begin, With tremulous cadence slow, and bring The eternal note of sadness in. Sophocles long ago Heard it on the Aegean, and it brought Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow Of human misery; we Find also in the sound a thought, Hearing it by this distant northern sea. The sea of faith Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl'd. But now I only hear Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar. Retreating, to the breath Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear And naked shingles of the world. Ah, love, let us be true To one another! for the world which seems To lie before us like a land of dreams, So various, so beautiful, so new, Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light, Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain; And we are here as on a darkling plain Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight, Where ignorant armies clash by night. (Matthew Arnold, 1867)