What follows is a fictional work about fictional characters engaged in sexual activity.
If, by circumstance of age, location worldview (or any combination of the above) you are forbidden from reading such material PLEASE STOP NOW -- THIS IS NOT FOR YOU.
On the other hand, if you are of legal age and appropriate disposition, read on...
FRIENDS: JOEY and CHANDLER, by Joe Jones
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"Joey is gonna' butt-fuck Chandler..."
--- Matt LeBlanc (Joey), on what to expect in the 1996-97 season of Friends.
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Chandler, as usual, wasn't getting any. It had been a long time, maybe six months, since he'd gotten laid. Hell, who was he kidding? More like 8 months. And one week. And three days. To make matters worse, Joey was setting some kind of world record in sex, bringing someone home almost every night of the week. Sometimes one girl for a while, more often different ones. The wall separating their bedrooms was mercilessly thin, and Chandler could hear every giggle and groan on the other side, every yelp when Joey slid his big dick into his date, every orgasmic howl, groan and squeal. He could swear, sometimes, lying there jerking off his own dick, that he could hear the squishy sounds of fucking, the hot and fast breath of Joey and his date. So masturbating while listening to your roommate screw his girl wasn't exactly dignified, but Chandler was beginning to feel that this was as close to actual sex as he was going to get any time soon. He started to feel like he was having sex with them, sort of a three-way --- yeah, if you just think of the wall between them as a sort of really big plaster condom.
If he carried the idea of being a participant through, Chandler was actually the only constant in Joey's sex life. The girls came and went, but Joey was always there, and so was Chandler. After all this time Chandler probably knew more about Joey's sex habits than anyone else --- he could always tell when Joey was going to cum, for example, by the speed of his groaning, by the same "oh baby yeah, oh baby yeah" every time. And of course Chandler had seen Joey naked any number of times, stepping out of the shower with his horse cock hanging out. Jesus, Chandler had said, the first time he saw it, put that away before you poke someone's eye out. Joey just replied Huh?
For awhile after that Chandler secretly nicknamed Joey Dumbo - as much for his lack of brains as his elephant-trunk like dick.
Chandler slid his fist up and down his erection a few times, and thrust his hips forward slightly. It felt good enough, but damn, something was missing. With Joey out for the night, Chandler faced jerking off without the familiar sounds from the other side of the wall. Of course jerking off was always something he did alone, but he'd gotten accustomed to the sounds, and where he was once annoyed he now felt a craving for the voices, for the deep timbre of Joey and the higher pitch of oh baby yeah. Chandler wet his middle finger in his mouth and slid it down to his asshole, which he circled and then slid the tip in, up to the first, and then second joint of his finger. He sighed lightly, surprised at how good his finger felt in his ass, better even than he remembered. He had always wanted one of his girlfriends to penetrate his asshole but never had the nerve to ask. The girls he went out with were always such prudes anyway. What would they have used, he wondered. A dildo? A cucumber? The idea made his cock bounce up and down against his flat belly. It had been a while since he'd gotten into any serious assplay, especially with Joey around all the time. But he remembered a few times when it seemed there was no end of what he could put up his hole, and the incredible orgasms he'd had then.
Chandler hopped out of bed and walked into the kitchen. The refrigerator was pretty empty, as usual. There were a few beers, but the idea of putting a glass object up his ass made Chandler wince. He couldn't stop thinking of broken glass, and the scene at the emergency room. Still, there had to be something. He was going to go nuts if he didn't have something stuffed into him soon. Just as he was wondering where he could buy a dildo at this time of the night, he spotted the brown paper bag. In it were the zucchinis that Joey's dad had brought him awhile ago. Chandler ripped the bag open and looked them over, muttering like Goldilocks too big, too little, too soft, too hard and then just right...yes! His legs almost trembled and his asshole tightened with expectation. But Chandler wasn't done yet --- he'd need some lube. He rummaged around the bathroom, but found nothing. Maybe Monica or Rachel would have some hand lotion or something, or...no, of course: Chandler lived with a registered sex machine. Joey would have to have some lube!
Zucchini in hand Chandler entered Joey's room, careful not to trip on the clothes lying on every horizontal surface. The last time he was in Joey's room he stubbed his toe on a 20 lb. dumbell camouflaged under a black t-shirt, and he didn't want to do the same thing tonight. Jeez, he thought, this place looks like a jeans and t shirt farm. He looked under clothes, on his night table, in his dresser, but didn't turn up any lube. He sat on the well used bed, and then it hit him. He looked under the bed and found it: a big bottle of clear ooze in a plastic bottle. His heart pounded hard with excitement.
God, it had been a long time since he'd been so turned on by the idea of masturbating. And it wasn't just the zucchini that got to him. It was that it was Joey's father who brought the zucchini, and Joey's lube, hidden under his bed. Joey's bed. And Chandler knew he had to do it there, right then. He flipped open the dome-like top and poured lube out onto the smooth end of the zucchini, then smeared it on with his hand. He crouched on his knees and set the zucchini right under his ass, which he slowly lowered. It pressed hard against his hole, and then eased in, little by little. Chandler gasped, and chuckled, delighted by the pleasure of doing this, of doing it here. He let in a good portion, two, three inches, then paused and bounced lightly on it. His dick was dripping a long strand of precum, stretching from his dick head to the slate colored comforter on Joey's bed. Chandler reached over to the floor where he found a crumpled t-shirt which he used to wipe up the pre-cum. He didn't worry that Joey would be wearing this again, it was so wrinkled and smelled of sweat. Chandler held it up to his face and inhaled deeply. He let the zucchini slide deeper into him, feeling every inch push into his rectum. He didn't know how much he'd gotten in, but his bowel felt full, and the electric sensations it prompted ran from deep in him to his every extremity, to his skin, to his rock hard cock. His wrapped his right hand, still wet with lube, around his pulsating cock and started to beat it, taking long deliberate strokes, while his ass gripped tightly around the long hard object rammed deep into it. He bounced on the zucchini, letting it slide still deeper into him as he neared orgasm. He heard low moans and panting breath, and then realized it was coming from himself. He could hear the bed board creak as he bounced harder onto the makeshift dildo, as his hand worked faster up and down his dick. He heard a click, and a squeak, and then...what? A door shut. A door? Oh fuck --- THE DOOR!
Chandler sprung to his feet, the zucchini shooting out of him and landing with a dull thud on Joey's bed. Chandler spun around, muttering fuck, fuck, fuck. He picked up the slimy zucchini, in the t-shirt he'd been sniffing, and jumped off the bed, to hide...where..the closet, no, under the bed, no...oh fuck...the door, hide behind the bedroom door. He pressed tight into the corner, between the bedroom door and the wall. He could hear Joey walk around the apartment. He could hear him open and shut the refrigerator door. He could hear him call Chandler's name. Then walk...towards the door? No. To the bathroom! He could hear Joey walk into the bathroom, and shut the door, and turn on the shower. Yes, the shower! Chandler breathed in and out deeply, almost crying with relief. He waited until he was sure Joey must be in the shower, then quietly opened the bedroom door. Bare naked, the zucchini and t-shirt firmly in hand he took long tip-toe steps across the bit of living room separating him from his bedroom, his haven. And then a creak. And the bathroom door swinging open. And Joey walking out, naked, dropping his t shirt and jeans and underwear on the floor outside his bedroom.
"Chandler?" he asked, at the sight of his naked roommate.
Chandler froze, then looked Joey directly in the eye.
"So this is what you do when you think I'm not home, Joe, walk around naked?" he asked.
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This was some weird shit, Joey thought, he and Chandler both standing there naked. And what was Chandler doing coming out of Joey's own bedroom, and why was he carrying a sticky wet zucchini around? And why was his boner dripping precum onto the floor. And then a gear turned, and then another, and Joey started to make sense of it all.
"Chandler," he began, "what're you...oh...no, not...oh...oh!"
"Joe, no, see it's just...I was, uh...cleaning? Um, making zucchini and...aw, crap."
"Jeez Chandler, with a zucchini from my dad? Man, I'm never gonna' be able that now."
Idiot, thought Chandler, idiot. But he said "Uh, no. I guess not."
"So what happened Chandler? Did you turn gay?"
"Gay? GAY! Joe, I am NOT gay!"
Joey sized up Chandler and laughed. "Well what's all THAT about, if you're not?"
"It's just...Joe, this IS something men do, you know. Straight men."
"No we don't," said Joey. "I never did it."
"Never? You NEVER did? Nothing in your butt ever? Not a finger tip even?"
"Nothing Chandler. Honest!"
"Well Joe, you don't know everything then. A lot of guys do it."
"How come?"
"Because we have a prostate gland in there, that feels good when you hit it."
"Well, I don't know anything about any prostrate gland, but if you're gay, it's okay with me."
"Pros-TATE, PROSTATE! Not prostrate!" Chandler shouted. "And I am NOT gay!"
Joey just glanced at the zucchini and smirked.
God, thought Chandler, you're stupid. But cute. Aw, fuck.
"I'm going to bed, Joe," Chandler said.
He threw the zucchini in the trash, washed his hands and went to his room.
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After Chandler went to bed Joey decided to do the same thing. He bent over to pick up his clothes, and when he did, standing with his naked ass in the air, it occurred to him that some of what Chandler said might be true. He could remember some times when he had to get to a bathroom, when he had to take a dump, and how the sensation had given him an erection. In fact just thinking of having an erection gave him an erection right then!
He walked over to the kitchen area to turn the lights off, and the idea of Chandler and the zucchini throbbed in his brain. Go away, he thought, but it wouldn't. He opened the refrigerator door and looked at the bag of zucchinis. He opened the bag and took one out. Pretty big, he thought, and put it back. He started to shut the refrigerator door and stopped. He looked in the bag again, and took out another zucchini. A smaller one, though not a little one. What the hell.
In bed Joey poured some lube onto the zucchini, and then some onto his now stiff dick. He loved how the clear beads rolled down the length of his big cock. He knelt, and positioned himself over the zucchini, and pressed it to his virgin asshole. Fuck, if Chandler could do this, he could. There was pretty much nothing he hadn't done in bed before now, and he didn't want to miss out on any erotic pleasure.
It pressed into him, prying open his sphincter, and then slowly filling his butt. It didn't feel so good, but it didn't feel so bad either. Just like he needed to crap. He'd gotten most of it in, and wiggled his hips around to get into the best position. He started to whack his dick then, in long gliding strokes, which always felt good. As he did, he let his ass absorb a bit more of the vegetable, and then a bit more. Maybe it did feel good after all. He thrust his hips forward, while clutching tight with his asshole, and felt a wave of pleasure cascade through him, centered in his butt. Oh yeah, he thought, this must be it!
As he continued to thrust, the waves of pleasure continued. He shoved some more of the zucchini into his ass, until about half the length was in him. He let himself bounce on his knees, fucking his own ass with the zucchini, making the bed beneath him rattle. Oh fuck, he thought, Chandler was so right! The thought of Chandler made his dick spill out a load of precum, which his pounding hand caught up and smeared into the clear lube coating the length of his dick. Chandler, his best friend, who always called him Joe, instead of Joey, which he liked. He wished that he'd been nicer to Chandler earlier, especially about this. He wondered what Chandler did with his zucchini, how he shoved it up his ass. Joey could feel a big load of cum building in his balls, and thought how good it would feel to let it loose. If only he weren't alone. He tried to think of a girl, but his mind kept coming back to Chandler, who he had to admit he liked better than anyone else.
"Chandler," he whispered. An excruciating wave of pleasure caught him by surprise. He did it again, louder, and bounced hard in his bed, driving the zucchini into his ass as far as it could go without losing it in there altogether. He did it again, and again, feeling the come build in him as if he were a pressure cooker, or a geyser, or a fire hydrant. He wanted to shove the whole zucchini into himself, but was afraid to. Afraid to ruin the pleasure of the moment.
And then his door opened, and in walked Chandler, rubbing his eyes and whispering "What? Joe? Are you okay?"
Chandler hadn't been able to sleep anyway. Lying awake in the dark he heard some thumping, and then his name being called. He thought for a second that he was dreaming, but when he realized he wasn't he went right to the voice, to Joey's room. He was hoping for something - an apology? A word of understanding? But not this!
Joey smiled right at him, pounding his big arched erection with one hand, feeding his ass with the other. He wasn't about to stop now, if he could. Chandler's own dick stiffened right up at the sight of Joey going at it like this, his meaty pecs bouncing up and down, his dick ready to burst.
"Chandler," he whispered, almost grunted, "yeah..."
Chandler got down on his knees to better see what Joey was doing. Fascinated, Chandler slipped his hand under Joey, under his cock and big hairy balls, to touch the half zucchini sticking out of Joey's hole. Chandler was turned on beyond anything he'd known before, or he would never have had the nerve to do this. He pressed his fingers to the end of the zucchini and started to shove the whole of it into Joey.
"Ahhhhggg, no Chandler," Joey groaned, but beat his cock more furiously than before, "I can't."
"Yeah Joe, you can do it," whispered Chandler, delighting Joey's writhing. "You can take it."
Joey thought his head would explode, or his ass, but fuck it felt good! He thought it would rip him in half, having the whole thing up his ass like this, Chandler's fingers pumping it into him. Chandler. Joey thought of him, of Chandler's face so close to his cock, imagined his lips wrapped tight around Joey's dick as he rammed it into him, fucking his face and throat mercilessly.
The hot semen built up in Joey's balls rose up, churned in his cock, and the erupted in an explosive white arc, splattering Chandler's face, and then his shoulder. As the hot cum gushed out again and again, Joey's ass clenched tightly around the zucchini in his ass, kneading it with his rectum.
Almost immediately after he was filled with the urgent desire to get rid of it, to empty his ass of this foreign object. His bowels, worn to jelly, squeezed down hard, and his sphincter relaxed enough to shoot the zucchini out of his ass, like the biggest, hardest turd of his life. It shot out of him, and Chandler caught it, almost by instinct. He felt the hot slime and ooze in his palm, and thought that it ought to be gross, it ought to make him squirm with repulsion. But it didn't. In fact he didn't mind at all.
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"I can't believe it," Joey said, wiping the sweat from his forehead with his bed sheet. "Man, I never knew about that at all!"
"Joe, you know all about women, but you never learned anything about your own body."
"Yeah," said Joey, not feeling too embarrassed. He was used to not knowing things.
Chandler got rid of the zucchini pretty quickly, tossing it into the already full garbage, and then washed his hands with lots of dish washing soap. Joey couldn't help but notice that Chandler still had a full erection, that it bounced when he ran across the room carrying the vegetable at arm's length, as if it were radioactive. That made him laugh. Chandler always cracked him up.
For his part, Chandler had a hard time keeping his eyes off Joey, as he wiped the sweat from his torso, still taking deep, heaving breaths. He picked a white t shirt off of the floor and scrubbed his hairy armpits with it, lifting first one, then the other. The perfect line running from Joey's armpit to the underside of his pec made Chandler almost shudder with desire. Joey's body had, in the time they'd lived together, grown from the slim, boyish body it once was to a more solid, more manly form. Chandler wished that he had put his mouth on Joey's cock while he had the opportunity.
"Chandler," Joey called out, "what about you?"
"What about me? What? What about me?"
"You gonna' get off?"
"Jeez Joey, I was afraid you were going to ask something personal," Chandler replied, in his most sarcastic tone.
"Hey, Chandler, you know, I got off with you. I figured you might wanna' do it too."
"I don't think so. It's to embarrassing."
"Really? I got off on it. Y'know. You being there."
"You did? Honest?"
"Hell, yeah. But if you don't want to..."
"Waitwaitwait," Chandler blurted out, rushing closer to his roommate, "I didn't say I don't want to. I mean, I COULD, I guess. If you wanted to." He paused. "Do you? You know. Want to?"
"Check it out," said Joey, nodding downward. His big cock was swelling up to another erection. It wasn't unusual for him to get off twice in one night.
"Oooookay," said Chandler, and started to stroke his own erection, finally.
The two looked at each other in silence, as they worked their cocks with their hands slowly, staking out this strange new territory cautiously. But definitely enjoying every step of it.
"Chandler," Joey said, "did you ever...you know, put anything else in your butt?"
"I guess," said Chandler, feeling little spasms of pleasure at Joey's voice, at Joey's curiosity. "Fingers, a cucumber...I was thinking of buying a, um, a dildo,"
"Yeah?" asked Joey, stroking a little faster. "You mean shaped like a guy's dick?"
"I guess so. I guess that's what they are, Joe."
"You ever do it with a real one? A real dick? On a guy?"
Chandler just swallowed hard in response.
"I mean," Joey went on, "I thought...if you...you know. I thought maybe we...I think I know what I'm doing pretty good...down there, you know...no complaints yet...so if I...if we...."
"Okay," whispered Chandler, "let's do it."
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Joey pressed the head of his well lubed cock to Chandler's asshole, gripping his hands tight around Chandler's smooth waist. On his knees, like a dog, Chandler could feel his heart pounding hard through every inch of his body. He wondered if Joey could feel the tremors through his fingers. Through the bulb pressing against his asshole. Pressing, and pushing. And entering, slowly, as a soft moan escaped Joey's lips, and then a deep groan from Chandler, as the massive cock inched its way into his waiting rectum. Chandler's ass, already relaxed from his earlier efforts with the zucchini, took most of Joey's dick in quickly and easily. Joey ran his fingers over Chandler's back, tracing the muscles there with his rough finger tips, following them down to his slim hips, his white ass, the dark hole filled with Joey's cock.
Yes, Joey thought, this is gonna' be soooo good!
It took a little doing, getting the full length inside Chandler, but the both wanted it. "Yeah, there," Chandler would whisper, or "hold it...hold it...okay..." But in the end, Joey had stuffed Chandler full, amazed that anyone could take it all in their ass. And then Joey started to thrust. He was unaccustomed to fucking someone this way, at this angle, but it didn't take much to figure out. It was different than fucking a girl - tighter. But good. And he liked to feel Chandler's tight little muscles moving under his skin, gripping his cock.
Chandler seemed to really be getting off on it too, grunting and moaning. He was stroking his own cock, and Joey could tell that he wouldn't last much longer. Poor Chandler, he never knew how to enjoy a good thing. But Joey wanted to give him what he could, and really plowed into him. It was good hard work, and Joey sweat like a racehorse, fucking Chandler's hole with a fury he only had there, in bed. Chandler grunted, and his legs trembled, and Joey knew it was time to finish him off.
Joey wrapped his big arms around Chandler, and pulled him up so that he was almost sitting in Joey's lap, fucking him with hard, steady strokes the whole time. Chandler had already surrendered to the pleasure, and without a trace of modesty he pushed his own ass down onto Joey's hips, meeting each thrust with his own hungry asshole. He reached behind himself, to touch Joey, to bring him closer, and Joey nuzzled his face up against Chandler's shoulders. He kissed the nape of Chandler's neck, tasted their mingled sweat there. "Oh baby," he whispered.
Joey hugged Chandler tight against him, and ran his fingers over Chandlers body, his stiff little nipples, his smooth chest, the shadow of hair on his trim belly which fanned out into his crotch. Where his pussy would be, if he were a girl, Joey thought. But there was a dick there, hard and smeared with pre cum. Not a girl, Joey thought. Chandler, my buddy, he thought. And the idea excited him so much that he could feel his balls churn with cum. He could feel his own asshole pucker up tight. He wrapped his hand around Chandler's cock, and started to stroke it.
"Joe," whispered Chandler, "no...I'm gonna'..." he couldn't say the word, and he couldn't make Joey stop. Didn't really want him to, anyway.
Joey kissed and bit Chandler's neck and shoulders, ran his tongue over his cheek and into his ear, pummeling his buddy ass and working his cock without pause. "Go on, baby," Joey whispered, "I want you to cum for me." God, it felt good to say that. Good to make Chandler get off. There was nothing Joey did better than this, and it made him happy to share it with his best friend. Chandler trembled, felt Joey's hands and mouth on him, saw lights flashing in his closed eyes, and let go. He could hear, almost far away, Joey saying "Oh baby yeah, oh baby yeah, oh baby...." And his insides sucked up as much of Joey's cock as it could. Hot fluid burned in his balls, and then rushed through them, his shaft and sprayed up and out, in wild arcs of white spray.
Joey couldn't believe how good it felt, having Chandler's ass contract is spasms around his cock as Chandler came all over the place, and he rammed into him for all he was worth, oh baby, yeah, fucking Chandler's guts even as he milked his buddy's cock, and oh baby, yeah, Joey's own cum erupting inside Chandler, coating his buddy's guts with a big load of white semen. Oh yeah. Baby. Yeah.
Joey's still erect dick dropped out of Chandler's ass with a >pop<, and Chandler dropped flat on the bed, his legs too weak even to support him. Joey rested his heaving frame on top of him, and affectionately ran his hand over Chandler's back, slick with both their sweat.
"Man, that was great," whispered Joey.
"Yeah," replied Chandler, "I thought so."
"Next time we ought to try some different positions."
"Next..." said Chandler, surprised by his friend's assumption. "Yeah Joe. That'd be good."
Next time. Chandler's spent dick stiffened a bit at the idea of it. Next time.
The End
(Joe Jones is also the author of : Letters Home; The Wonder Year; Man of the House.)