Foreordained
I have put up a good fight with this merciless daemon for most of life. I surrendered only once as a preteen and resisted his allure ever since. He created a need in my soul that I dare not fulfill for fear of where it would take me. Fortunately, I've been able to fill the void with a healthy and active "normal" sex life. So great were my fears that I voluntarily and scrupulously constrained my sex life with monogamy. Although frequently tempted, I never strayed from my vows, not a single time.
I've been married to Kelly for 16 years and have never regretted a minute of our relationship. We met in high school, she was a freshman and I a junior, and we have been together ever since. The sex started almost immediately. I was able to finger her to a climax on our first date and she repaid me with a hand job on our second. Back then I didn't question how she knew so much about sex play when I was just learning what to do myself. We finally got down to fucking about two months into our dating and we never looked back. We fucked every chance we got and in every possible location that we could. It was exhilarating to do it where we may possible be caught in the act. I was horny and having fun but I wasn't stupid. I did notice that Kelly wasn't a virgin like I was when we first fucked. I'm not huge in the cock department but still present a formidable weapon when excited, but it slipped right into her cunt with little, if any, resistance. I was way too excited at my first fuck to even care but her verbal encouragement and guidance added to my doubts and tended to somewhat mute my enthusiasm, which turned out to be a good thing since I would have pop off upon insertion if it weren't for that distraction. Despite all of that, it turned out to be the second most exciting sexual experience of my life.
The next day, I struggled with my doubts about her. I knew she had dated quite a few other upperclassmen before me and I also knew of what they said about her behind her back. I have to admit that the scuttlebutt may have influenced me and bolstered my courage to ask this young beauty on a date. Curiosity drove me to ask one guy that I knew had dated her and was sure would be honest with me about her reputation. His answer was that she was a wonderful girl and if I liked her to ignore what others say, which confirmed my suspicions and was all I needed to know. His answer kind of hardened me to the facts of life and I made the decision that I would put my concern – I really didn't have any doubts – behind us and continue with the relationship. That relationship lasted through the rest of high school and college and sixteen years of marriage which produced four beautiful children, three girls and one boy. We are a really close and happy family and I would do anything to protect them.
You would think that I have a wonderful life and that would be the end of it, but it's not. I can't get this single boyhood experience out of my mind. It was a defining moment for me but one I have outwardly resisted and inwardly lamented. I have tried to dismiss it as a youthful indiscretion but it definitely wasn't that. It was the most intensely pleasurable sexual experience of my life. It is the one thing that topped the act of losing my virginity to Kelly. More than a long ago vision, the memory of the feelings and sensations of that determinative act repeat continually in my brain without end; night and day; when I'm having sex and when I'm not. The memory of that single act has completely dominated my thoughts until now. That haunting memory was when, at 12 years of age, I performed oral sex on my best friend Larry.
Kelly had tolerated and even casually shared my fascination with porn which we often used to spice things up. It fed our fantasies and helped keep us sexually active even during the tough times in our marriage. But, several years back she demanded that I rid our house of all porn when she caught my oldest daughter pleasuring herself while looking at one of my magazines. I dutifully complied but had to find a substitute to keep me going. What I found was an adult bookstore and, more importantly, the video booths in the rear of the store. I was nervous during my first few visits but eventually found it much less constraining than the narrow selection of hetero-porn use to bring home to Kelly. In the video booths, there seemed to be an equal mix of hetero and gay videos and an unending supply of each at a push of the selection button. As I expanded my territory to far and remote bookstores, I found some exotic and titillating videos in some of the out of the way spots; things like bestiality, bizarre fetishes, and in one scary place I actually viewed what was clearly kiddy porn. The problem was that I was spending a lot of time away from home and I was also jerking off so much that I had little interest in my marital duties. Kelly was clearly getting frustrated but so was I. I needed the release I got in the booths. I found myself settling in mostly with gay porn. I would cum three or four times per visit, standing in the dark nook with looking at guys sucking cum from other guys in the videos displayed on a screen attached to the back wall. The air was dank and full of the stench from the stale sticky sperm that covered every square inch of the floor. I ignored all of that because I was living my memories through these videos. Every time I climaxed, in my mind I was back on my knees in front of Larry, receiving his enormous load of cum directly into my mouth.
It didn't take long for me to realize in the solitude of the video booth that I was unable to cum to climax without thinking about sucking Larry. No, not sucking Larry but sucking cum. It was the thought of the feeling and taste of cum in my mouth that has always driven my sexual appetite and all these years I've been denying it.
There was one porn shop about an hour away from home that I favored. It was the dirtiest of those I frequented but it had more of the types of videos I liked. I really don't like watching the professional porn star types. I am more into homemade porn. You know; the kind with real people in it. I like seeing people who are really enjoying the sex they are having and not just doing it for the money. This shop also has a lot of gay porn. I found that I could tolerate pot bellied men and even old guys if they have nice looking cocks. I am partial to circumcised thick but not overly large cocks. Although, once a cock is hard and the skin is retracted, uncircumcised cocks are just as nice. I must admit though that looking at a fully covered cockhead of an uncircumcised cock makes me feel uncomfortable; maybe even claustrophobic.
One thing about these faraway stores is a special feature of the booths. For the most part, I ignored the presence of the holes in the sides of most of the booths but sometimes was intrigued by a handsome cock that would poke through from time to time. For a long time I didn't take advantage of the opportunity presented to me. This would happen so often at my favorite store that I began thinking of it as the "Pokémon" store as a sort of play on words. I admit that this is why I frequented this particular establishment. I especially enjoyed watching the guys jerk off through the hole and shoot there cum into my booth. I was often tempted to get down on my knees and take care of business but the knowledge of the amount of stale sperm on the floor checked those thoughts.
There was this time when I had a day off from work and Kelly was out with her friends for the day and that familiar yearning struck me and I immediately set out on a long road trip to Pokémon. I got so excited thinking of those hot cocks poking through the wall that I started jerking my cock as I was driving. I opened my pants and slipped them and my boxers down from my ass. I had to move my seat back so that my cock was on the near side of the steering wheel. I was harder than I had been in years. It was such an exhilarating feeling to drive down public streets and highways with my cock plainly visible that I had to minimize the amount of touching I was doing so that I wouldn't cum in the car. I had never felt so free and excited. I came back down when entering the little shopping center parking lot where the Pokémon store was. I pulled into a parking spot with my bare ass on the seat and my proud erection in plain view of anyone walking by. Although nobody came that close, they certainly saw me contorting and straining in getting my pants back up and fastened. My suspicion was confirmed when I noticed two ladies who were having a conversation next to a nearby car stare at me during the entire time it took me to get from my car to the door of the adult bookstore. Their suspicions were confirmed.
I wasted no time in getting into a booth but I had to promenade among all of the lookie loos with a prominent bulge in the front of my pants for all to see. Needless to say, the adjacent booths to the one I entered became very popular with the trolls. I was in there quite awhile looking at a lot of shriveled old cocks poking through the holes on either side of the booth until they tired and abandoned hope of scoring with me. I stayed in there watching videos and could hear them leaving through the squeaky door one by one until I everything was quiet. I was contemplating finishing myself off when I heard the door squeak and the sound of heavy feet walking toward my booth. I held my breath in trying to hear which booth he was entering. My hopes were dashed when I heard the door from the booth at the other end of the room. I heard the sound of the machine making several attempts at taking his dollar ending in the loud clunk signifying final acceptance. I was disappointed and chalked it off to being just another troll. I watched a couple of more videos until I heard his door open and thought he would leave but was surprised when Instead, he entered the booth right next to mine. Since mine was the only other booth in there with a red light proclaiming that it was occupied, it was a sure thing that he was looking for an encounter of some kind. I was hoping that his strong footsteps were indicative of a younger person than the trolls that were in here earlier. I heard the door being latched behind him and the dollars being accepted by the machine. I waited to see if anything would happen, but nothing did. More time and another dollar happened but nothing else. My cock got soft in my hand from the suspense and still nothing came through the hole. My curiosity won out and I stooped down and put my face to the hole to see what he was doing. To my surprise, there was a beautiful thick and hard cock just inches from my face displayed in all its glory. The guy was facing the hole apparently waiting for me to make a move. I didn't give it a second thought. I reached out and gently grabbed his cock and slowly jerked on it. That was all he needed because he moved toward me and his cock and balls came through the hole and into my world.
All of those familiar feelings came back just as if I was again 12 years old and kneeling before my friend Larry. This time however, I took more time to explore this treasure with my hand and I rubbed it around and all over my face which became slick with his clear discharge. I loved the feel of the firm stalk in my hand and the amazingly soft skin on the head as I pressed it to my cheeks and lips. The musky scent was a real plus. I hadn't taken the time to notice it the last time I did this but now it was monopolizing my senses. It wasn't a smell as much as it was an aroma; It disssapeared if I tried to sniff it but overwhelmed me as I gently inhaled it. All of my synapses were firing as those familiar sensations returned. My penis was overinflated and throbbing in exquisite pain. I felt it was about to burst.
With my heart pounding in anticipation, I took one last look at the enormous spear before taking it in my mouth. I was in heaven. My taste buds were awash in his nectar. The massive head on his cock felt comfortable in my mouth. I tried to maximize contact between the surfaces of my oral cavity with the soft skin atop his magnificent sex organ. I could feel him begin to thrust into my mouth but I limited his penetration with a strong grip on his shaft and moving my head backward in sympathy with his press. I did allow him more entry into my mouth with each successive thrust but, because of my gag reflex, had to stop it before he forced his way into my throat. The thought of deepthroating this cock thrilled me but my fear of puking stopped me. I knew right then that I would someday accomplish that.
Undaunted, I pressed on with the blow job. Only this time, I was taking it slow. I took every opportunity to sense and feel what I was doing. I was keenly alert to any sign of his climax and let up on my ministrations each time I felt it approaching. He was clearly enjoying my patience and attention to his pleasure. Every time I felt he was hyper excited, I would remove his cock from my mouth and direct my attention to his balls and scrotum. I licked and sucked his balls, one at a time, into my mouth and swirled my tongue about them and after releasing them, traced their outline with the tip of my tongue on his sensitive sack. I was enjoying this so much that I began to regret all of the years I had denied myself of this pleasure; But, as much excitement as I had thus far, all of that would not compare to what was about to happen next. My pinnacle will be reached with his but by very different mechanisms. His will be with stiffening and expansion of fiber and flesh and the ultimate expulsion of his pent up seed. Mine will be from the impact of his hot ejaculate on my palate and the taste and texture of the delicious elixir. His will last for a few seconds and mine will last for at least 26 years. He will quickly shrivel and shrink and I will savor and revel in the experience.
It was time for me to take my prize. I returned his cock to my mouth and worked it vigorously with my tongue while pumping his hard shaft with my hand. It took only seconds for him to expand to completely fill my mouth with swollen meatus. He began to thrust hard into me and I could hear him moan in anticipation of climax. And then, with a final thrust forward and a loud grunt that resounded through the booths, he shot his first hot load of sperm into my mouth. This time I didn't miss a trick and contained the entire pool of ejaculate within my mouth, only this time the taste and feel on my tongue triggered my own climax in sympathy with his. I felt my sperm burst from my cock and heard it splat with considerable force on the wall before me just inches below my chin. With that splat, his second offering came down his pipe as I was swallowing his first thus refilling the void. My second shot was much more powerful than the first and hit him on the balls and on my fingers still wrapped around his shaft. This continued for three more potent shots erupting from my cock and eight, count them eight, from his. I seemed like I was catching up for all of the cum I missed over those many fallow years. All of my pleasure centers were alight and maintaining my buzz. As I expected, my anonymous donor's hardness slowly diminished as he unceremoniously pulled it abruptly out of my mouth and back through the wall. A trailing string of his nectar lost its grip on his penis and swung back to slap against my chin and neck as a cold indicator of separation.
I stayed in that position for awhile processing my emotions and residual sensations. I still had his taste in my mouth and the wonderful viscous coating on all surfaces of my oral cavity. Eventually, I regained my feet and stared at the video screen in front of me oblivious to the action being displayed. I was lost in reverie of my youthful sexual experience. I was naked from the waist down; my pants piled around my ankles and a glistening string of semen hanging from the head of my cock reluctant to drop to the floor. I was awakened from my stupor by a soft pressure on my thigh just below my hip. It was not an alarming sensation but a very comfortable feeling, soft and warm. Glancing down and peering through the darkness, I had a difficult time seeing what it was. Eventually, the rods of my peripheral vision observed a very large black phallus poking through the wall opposite that of my recent joy. This cock was sized for a giant. It was massive. I had only ever seen such a large cock in those videos I was addicted to. I slowly turned, resigned to my fate.