----------------------------------------------------------------------- --- Forget About Letting Go: Chapter 10 By Ari Ryven ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
======================================================================= === Chapter 10 ==========
CRUNCH!
"OWWW SHIT!" I whined as Trev rolled over on top of me, and dug his knee right into my nuts. I tried to push him off of me but he was too heavy. I shook him until he woke up.
"Wha- Huh?" He said groggily, not moving a muscle.
"Umm, Trev, hehe, could you uh, could you please get off of me?" I asked while trying to roll him over.
"Huh?" His eyes snapped open and he realized where he was and who he was on top of. "Huh? OH GOD! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..." He trailed off, apparently realizing that he had a hangover. "AAAAARGH!" He collapsed back on top of me.
"Yeah just, uh...just take your time there big guy." I joked, finally managing to roll him off of me.
"What happened?"
"Well where should I start? I came home, and got up to go get something to drink, and you came charging at me from my closet with my Athame like you were going to kill me, and you were wearing that hockey mask I got for last Halloween...you pissed all over my good pair of black courds, you passed out and then you started jacking off when you came to...asked me to get you some lotion cause it hurt. You got up to get some yourself, passed out, pissed on my carpet...."
"OK! OK! I'm sorry man. I apologize. That is it isn't it?"
"Yeah. I managed to haul your ass into the shower and get you cleaned up. You weren't much help asshole!" I socked him in the arm playfully.
"OWWW!" He cried in pain. "Don't do that! Shithead! I got a hang over! Everything hurts! Even my leg hair hurts!" He giggled at that then winced in pain.
"Trev man, this is like the worst this has ever gotten, what's up?" I asked, trying to figure out what inspired his drunken stupor.
"Nothing man. It's nothing. Forget it."
"FORGET IT?!?"
"OWWW!"
"Sorry." I tried to quiet down a bit so I wouldn't hurt his head. "Forget it Trev? You come in here like you're gonna kill me, and you piss in my rug, now you're telling me to forget it? I think as your best friend I have a right to know why you got so drunk last night that you decided to try and beat off, and piss all over the place!" I rolled him over to the corner of the bed so he could see the light tan colored stain the piss had left in my sand colored carpet.
"Can we talk about this later? I need some food, and COFFEE!" He said sitting up.
"Well we're gonna have to go to the Waffle house or something, because I haven't gotten mom to go get any food yet. She didn't come home last night." I got up and looked out my window into the driveway. No dice. "And she still ISN'T home."
"I blew all my money helping James get stuff for the party."
"It's alright man, I got it covered. Run over to your house and get some clothes." I told him.
"You expect me to run over there? I'll be lucky if I can stumble to the fucking bathroom Josh!"
"Fine, where's the explorer at?"
"My house. Why?"
"Gimme your keys, I'll go get some McDonald’s or something. It's almost 11, but they'll still have some stuff left over I'm sure." I got up to get dressed.
"I don't know Josh, mom will kill me if she found out I let you drive it." Trevor said nonchalantly.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing man, it's just she barely let's ME drive it!"
"Oh, well lemme go see if we have any like Pop Tarts or something." I put down the pants I was putting on and walked into the kitchen. There was a note taped to the fridge that I hadn't seen last night.
"Josh,
Dave and I went out for the weekend. We're going to be in St. Louis until Monday morning. The number is ....blah blah blah blah blah there's nothing to eat here so I left you some money in the top left desk drawer in the den. Take care son. Love you honey!
mom"
Good. Now I don't have to worry about her. More like she doesn't have to worry about me. And who's Dave anyway? I guess I really should pay more attention to my mom. I didn't even know who she was dating. I looked through the cabinets. Nothing. I looked in the freezer. Nothing. SHIT. I grabbed the coffee from the fridge and saw a few eggs. That'd have to do. I guess I'd have to get some pizza tonight.
Trevor stumbled in to the kitchen and sat down on the counter. "So...you find anything?"
"Umm...a couple eggs. That sound good?"
"MMMMhhh EGGS...." He sat back and sighed. "Josh?"
"Yeah bro?"
"Umm...what was it like when you found out that your mom and dad were getting a divorce?" I nearly dropped the eggs I had onto the floor.
"Wha- What?" I turned and faced Trevor. He was staring at the ceiling. "Trevor, your parents aren't..."
"Yes josh. OKAY! Even my family has it's problems!" He snapped.
I put down the eggs and walked over to give him a hug. "Oh man, Trev I'm sorry. I know how hard this is for you. But listen, with me and Becky around, you'll make it through. I promise." He pushed me off of him, and stood up...or rather tried to. He ended up sliding down the cabinet to sit in the floor.
"Josh. I don't want your sympathy. Their breaking up...no big fucking deal. That's not the problem. I'm sorry I snapped."
"It's alright...we'll talk about this later, you need to eat." With that I turned and made us breakfast. Scrambled eggs, a few slices of toast, and some coffee. Almost complete!
We sat down to eat and had packed away the food in a matter of minutes. Trevor sat back in his chair, still troubled, but at least he looked like he wasn't feeling the hangover as badly.
"Thanks josh."
"Your welcome. So how was the party?"
"I don't know....I just stayed in the back bedroom most of the night-"
"I thought it was at the spring?"
"Nah, it was over at Broadway apartments, some guy that lived there let Trev have the party there. James thought he saw you walk by the apartment. Didn't see ya though? Was that you?" OH SHIT! What the hell can I say?
DUH JOSHUA! LIE FOR ALL YOU'RE WORTH! "Uhhh...noooo....I was, at home all day, then I got up and went rollerblading." SHIT! I just remembered that I had left my rollerblades in the back of Aaron's car. How was I going to get them back?!?
Trevor grinned as I got nervous. "Oh my god! You were there last night! Hey, who was she, HOW WAS SHE!" Trevor started laughing and reached across the table to sock me in the arm.
"I wasn't there Trevor! I don't know who it was, but it wasn't me! I got up at 4:30 yesterday, bladed out to Waffle house, ate, came home, and then went blading again about 8 or so." God this wasn't going good. This wasn't going good at all.
"Yeah...mmmhmmm...sure. So I'm gonna have to beat it out of ya am I?" He joked, trying to stand up. "C'mon Captain Spank Monkey! You and me RIGHT NOW!" He laughed taking off what jewelry he had on, like he was getting ready to fight.
"YOU'RE CALLING ME SPANK MONKEY? You're the one that just started BEATING OFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME LAST NIGHT!" I had him there. He backed down. "HEHEHEHE....you were sitting there pounding it for all it was worth, then you got up to get some lube because it 'hurt too much' and your ass passed out in the floor. DICK IN HAND! So HAH!"
Trevor sat back down and looked hurt. "Oh man, I am so sorry about last night..." He looked so pathetic right then, all of the pain that I had seen emerge before breakfast broke out all over his face. I wanted so bad to get up and go comfort him, to hug him, like a real friend should. But that was against the rules. Couldn't break straight guy rule #1. Minimal physical contact and only allowed to hug another man if someone in his family had died...Oops I already broke that one.
"No man, don't worry about it. It wasn't that bad...I didn't mean it like that ... Trev..."
"So why isn't your mom home?" He tried to change the subject. He didn't like to talk about the things that were bothering him. And I couldn't imagine how he felt now that his parents were going to get a divorce. He had always been close to both of his parents. They actually had that awkward thing everybody called a family life. I wondered what it was like.
"Oh....Some guy named dave took her up to St. Louis for the weekend. She won't be back `til after we leave for school on Monday. She left me some money to get food and stuff."
"God, she's always leaving. That sucks. Wait, money?" A light bulb flickered on and then browned out in Trevor’s head. "Oh...never mind...I gotta stop thinking like James...hehehe."
I was beginning to get frustrated with him. He was TOTALLY avoiding the topic of his parents and I knew it was eating away at him.
Apparently I didn't know it but I had the same troubled look in my eyes too. Trevor saw right through me sometimes. Other times he didn't even SEE me. This was one of the former and oh I wished it was the latter. "So Josh, what's up with you? You look like hell too. I remember before I passed out last night, you didn't look so good either. Something up, man?"
My head snapped up, and I screamed inside for a way out of THIS conversation. "Umm...nope. Not really. Not unless you count...Well, no actually...nothing. Just a little disappointed I guess." Oops. OOH MOM! "I just wish my mom would stay home one weekend, ya know? It's like I'm just a burden all the time. That's all...I should be used to it."
Trevor seemed satisfied. Then hurt. "Yeah, same here. `Cept dad's the one that left, but I don't think he'll be back Monday." Trevor stared into his cup of coffee, and continued. "Dammit Josh, they won't even tell me why! The only reason I can think of is that chic he works with....maybe he-"
"Trev...bro, don't. Speculating over the answer just makes it harder. Listen, I'm gonna call your mom, let her know where you are, and ...I'll tell her you're in the shower, and that you wanted me to go get you some clothes. K? And actually, please...do take a shower. You were sweating like a pig last night." I snorted, and Trevor smiled, then started laughing. The hurt was still in his eyes, but it helped a bit I suppose. Luckily the topic of MY night had been avoided entirely.
Trevor got up to put his dish in the sink and I followed suit. He turned out of the kitchen, heading for the shower, when he turned to me. "Hey Josh. Thanks bro. Really. Thank you for taking care of me. Otherwise I don't know where I'd-" Trevor stopped speaking as tears began to roll down his cheeks. He choked back a sob. "I don't know..." He didn't hold back anymore, he just slumped down against the doorframe and began crying.
"Ohhhh...Trev, buddy, come on...you don't have to thank me...It's my turn to take care of you for once. You've taken care of me for like EVER!" I walked over and sat down beside him. He looked at me and then reached out to hug me. WOW, apparently he really is hurting if he wants me to hug him...poor guy. I loved him so much. I would have done anything for him to help ease his pain. His pain was mine. I scooted closer and held him while he sobbed on my shoulder, I patted him on the back and rubbed his shoulders.
After a few minutes he calmed down and got up, not saying a word, and went to take a shower. I got up to call Trevor's mom, as I washed off our breakfast plates.
"Hello?"
"Hi ma, This is Josh..." I always called Trevor's mom, mom, or ma, or something like that. Hell she's been more of a mother to me over the past few years than mine ever has been my whole life.
"Oh...hi Joshy..." She had been crying recently, so her attempt at being cheerful wasn't all that great.
"Umm...Trev is over here. He spent the night last night. Uh...he's in the shower right now, but he doesn't have any clothes."
"Oh...Ok, I'll go upstairs and get some ready, you wanna come over and get them?"
"You bet mom, thanks!"
"Oh and Josh? How...How is he?" She had to talking about the whole divorce thing.
"Umm...mom?"
"I mean about the divorce with his father and I? We told him it was final last night."
"Oh...Oh god, I'm so sorry...uh, he's umm...It's gonna be hard, but me and you can get him through it. Plus he's got Becky too...so-"
"Thank you Josh. I don't know what he'd do without a friend like you. Ok...I'll go up and get him some clothes, just come on over when you're ready."
"Ok ma, see ya in a few!"
"Yes...bye bye."
We hung up and I finished up the dishes, then went to put on some shoes. I stopped into the bathroom. The water was still running, but Trevor was sitting on the floor just outside, buck-naked. He was crying again. Man this wasn't going to be an easier than it was for me a few years ago. He had always had a good family life. I wonder what went wrong?
"Trev?" He looked up, his eyes were puffy and red. There were no tears on his face though. He was all cried out.
He rubbed his eyes and tried to stand up. "I'm sorry josh, I just...I can't do this, I just can't!" He said between sobs.
"What do you mean you can't Trevor?" I waited for an answer. Nothing, I walked further into the bathroom. "Trevor? What do you mean...What can't you do?"
He began to sob hysterically. He was breaking my heart here, and with those cryptic words, I can't do this, I was scared shit less.
He started thrashing about still saying, "I can't josh, I can't...I can't I can't I can't..." I ran over to him and grabbed his wrists and held him still. He began thrashing about even more so than before and one of his hands whacked me in the mouth. I began to taste blood. I had to get him calmed down before I could check myself out though.
"Trevor!" He wasn't listening. "Trevor!!! Please bud calm down!" I shouted. I began crying too. I couldn't take seeing him like this it was so not like him! "TREVOR!"
He tried to break away from me, and in an effort to get him back under control, I released his wrists and wrapped my arms around his whole upper body. He still jerked and screamed, but I managed to drag him into the shower, and turn the knob ‘til it was ice cold. "OH MY GOD!" He screamed, finally stopping his incoherent mumbling. He finally gave up and just leaned into my shoulder and cried.
I turned off the water and sat him down in the floor. I peeled off my wet clothes and tossed them onto the pile I had made there last night with the other jeans and shirt I had soaked trying to get him cleaned up. I stripped naked and got a towel, then dried myself off. I ran to my room and slipped on a pair of jeans, completely ignoring the fact that I wasn't wearing any underwear, and a T-shirt. I ran back into the bathroom, and got Trevor up and dried off. I brought him into my bedroom and laid him on my bed. I was still trying to calm down, and stop crying, but it just wasn't gonna happen. I ran across the street to Trev's house to get some clothes. I ran in the door, and saw Judy, his mom sitting on the couch.
She rose to her feet as soon as she saw my face. "Josh...Josh what's wrong? What happened to your lip?"
I ran my finger across my lip, bringing it away with blood on the end. "Oh, it's nothing...sorry, Trev's just taking things a little hard, and it's well... I know what it's like."
"Well you give these to him and tell him to get home when he's dressed. Ok josh?"
"Judy." She looked surprised that I had used her real name. "Look. Do you remember how much pain I went through when my mom and dad got a divorce? Do you remember how many nights I would end up over here, crying on your couch, and Trevor stayed up with me? He is my best friend, Judy. Now I don't know why you and Frank are getting a divorce- but your son is over there bawling, because he has NO IDEA!" I screamed.
"Now just a minute young man," She grabbed my face in her hands. "YOU listen to me! My son is my son, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna have some 16 year old boy tell me what's going on with him! Now it's none of his, or your business why his father and I are getting a divorce, but it ain't exactly cherry pie on me son." She paused and stared angrily into my eyes, then began to cry, still glaring at me, "Josh, I have never done one wrong thing with raising my boy. Hell I never done one wrong thing with my husband, but IT'S NOT ALL SUPPOSED TO DEPEND ON ONE PERSON! Frank just doesn't love us anymore. He told me Friday night. We fought and fought, I tried my damndest to talk him out of it. For Trevor's sake. That's why, ok josh? Now go tell my son that it's not his fault, and that his mother really really needs him to be strong right now. Can you do that? WILL you do that for me Josh?" She released her grip on my face and gave me a hug, then stepped back.
"Listen, mom, I'm sorry. I just love Trev so much, he's basically my brother you know? When he hurts I feel it. I'm sorry I yelled."
She patted my cheek and handed me his clothes, "It's ok honey. Tell Trevor you guys can take the explorer and go hang out at the river or something and you two can talk. I know he's gonna have a lot of question for you, since you've already been through this."
"Sure thing, and thanks. Mom left again this weekend, and I'm home alone. So, being able to spend the day with SOMEONE, even if it is, blubbering boy blue," I giggled trying to make plight of the situation. Judy laughed heartily at the joke.
"Hehee, oh...you boys and your jokes. You know...I'm not usually one to say anything, but your mom is really starting to piss me off with this. This is what the 3rd weekend that she's-"
"Judy, don't." I smiled when I said it so she wouldn't think I was being rude.
"And why not?"
"Because if you get started on her now and YOU'LL NEVER STOP!" We both exploded with laughter. If there was one thing I knew, it was that Judy could go on forever and ever about how much she hated the way my mother treated me, and that if she could she'd adopt me right up into her family.
"Ok you! Get on outta here!" She shoo'ed me away, and for a few minutes my day seemed to brighten, but as I made my way into my house and back to my back bedroom it grew dark again.
Trevor was still where I left him, still naked, and crying. He seemed so broken. And all I had come to tell him was that his dad left just because he didn't love them anymore. I sat the clothes down at the foot of the bed sat down beside Trevor on the bed. He didn't move.
"Hey Trev? C'mon bud, get dressed, me and you need to get out of here and go do something." I leaned over him, placing my hand on his bare hip to roll him over. You know, as much as he hated gays, and stuff like that, he had no problem with me touching him, and he's a total homophobe. I guess that means he TRUSTS me to the point where his own values don't factor into it. I rolled him over onto his back, and tried to pull him up to a sitting position.
"LEAVE ME ALONE JOSH!" He yelled and rolled back over into the corner of my bed.
I reached over and grabbed his shoulder. He shrugged me away violently. "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"
I jumped back at his harsh tone. Was he shutting me out? Was Trevor, my best friend, my brother, going to shut me out? "Trevor, Listen, I'm sorry..."
Apparently my apology just made things worse as he began to cry even harder. I got up and went over to sit down in my reading chair. I started crying again. GOD I HATE THESE FUCKING TEARS! I LET JUST ONE DAMNED TEAR SLIP YESTERDAY AND NOW I CAN'T TURN THEM OFF!
I sat back and watched, my own heart caving in on itself, as I watched my best friend in the whole world go deeper and deeper into his own personal hell. My entire life, as I remembered it, Trevor had always been there to help me through the rough times. And now, when it was my turn. I wasn't allowed to help. I was forced to be a spectator, of his agony. I wanted so bad to help him but he wouldn't let me in. I just watched, and cried, and prayed to the gods that his pain would subside. Eventually, he cried himself to sleep, and I got up to cover him up, and as I brought the cover up around him, he rolled over, and hugged me. Whispering in my ear, "Thanks, I love you bro."
"I love you too man, get some sleep."
Wow, he did it. Trevor did it! He let go of all the macho bullshit and let me know how much he appreciated my being there by telling me he loved me. I smiled, and went back to my chair. I curled up in it and watched him as he slept, eventually falling prey to the emotional exhaustion this past day and half's events had caused me, and I too slept.
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I wiped my eyes groggily, and checked my watch. 3:30 p.m. Wow, it was still pretty early on in the day, and already I'd been on a roller coaster. I got up to answer it, when Trevor surprised me, and rolled over, and picked it up.
"Hull?" He said, or croaked as it were. We'd been asleep for like four hours or so, so his voice was pretty raspy.
He sat up. "Who's this?" GOD I hated hearing one-sided conversations! Especially if it was someone calling my house!
"Trev, who is it?" Curiosity got the best of me and I had to know. He held up his hand for me to be quiet.
"Uh-huh. Yeah, ok. 4:30? Ok. I'll tell him." Trevor hung up the phone and sat there. Staring at the phone. He didn't say anything, he didn't even move.
"Well?!? Who was it?" I snapped after about a minute of silence.
"Josh?" Trevor looked up at me. He seemed confused. "Why....Why does AARON have your rollerblades?"
======================================================================= ===
Well that's it for this one guys! Hope you like it. The reason it wasn't included with Part Two is because it was so long, that I had to start a new file on this rinky-dink word processor I use to write it up! Sooo, enjoy this one, and Part 3, Chapters 11-15 will be out soon! Thanx for all of the great reviews I been getting! Especially from you SCOTT! HEHEHE.
love and hugz!
Ari Ryven