___________________________________________________________________________ Forget About Letting Go (Part 2) By Ari Ryven ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
=========================================================================== Chapter 6 =========
After I agreed, Aaron turned onto the main road heading in the direction of Laughlin Park. We drove past that turnoff. I breathed a sigh of relief. The spring where James' party was at was down the road that runs by Laughlin Park. Well, now I guess I can sit back and relax for a bit.
Aaron drove down towards the school and we turned right onto a dirt road I knew from the days when I would skip school and take the back roads to get where I was going. We stopped in front of an old, low-income Apartment complex I knew as Broadway Apartments. I found that hilarious. One of the only roads in this part of town that isn't paved, and it's called BROADWAY!!! Hehehe. I guess it's just a name to try and make the slums of this little old town seem more glamorous. It doesn't work, but hey, that's just my opinion.
Aaron got out, and started heading towards the apartment building, and I was about to get out and follow, but Becky grabbed my arm to stop me.
"Josh, umm...can you go up with him...I'll be back in about 30 minutes. I gotta go make an appearance across the street at the Drama Awards at the school." WHAT?!? She was going to make me go in there to some unfamiliar place with Aaron, who I was totally in love with but so uncomfortable around him? Who does she think she is?
"N-n-n-NO! Becky...I....please?" I asked, begging her.
"Josh...I'll be back as soon as I go get my award. It's just across the friggin street! I'll be back before you know it." She leaned forward and pecked me on the cheek. "I'm going. And you're going up with Aaron...right?" She broke out with this huge grin.
I smiled wryly, and looked at her out of the corner of my eyes. I didn't say anything. I could do this. It would give me a chance to be alone with Aaron DUH!!! I can do this!
"GOOD! Thank you so much for at least trying this out Josh. Now hurry up before you lose Aaron. Oh, tell him I went to go get our awards. K?" And with that we got out of the car. I headed towards the building and she raced off towards the school, which was like a 5-minute walk away. I saw Aaron turn around when he reached the door, he looked panicked when he saw Becky running off in the other direction. He was so cute when he was scared. I guess he hadn't planned on us being alone together either. I smiled as I got closer.
Aaron turned his attention to me as I approached him. He forced a smile, then swallowed hard. "Umm...Whe- where is she going? She's not leaving is she?"
I think I was begging to enjoy the situation more and more each moment. "Yep!" He stopped smiling at me and just stood there dumbfounded. Oops. I was still smiling. "But don't worry Aaron. You've got me to keep you company 'til she gets back. She's just going over to the school to get your guys' awards. SHE'LL BE BACK!" I said chidingly...playfully slugging his arm.
He started smiling again. God every time he smiled made me wish he was really mine. Maybe someday he will be. "SO!" He said, "Let's go on up." He locked eyes with me and I swear I saw that same thing in his eyes I did almost 2 years ago when he stopped me in the street. And I think I heard a ping just now! Oh man!
Linda's apartment was on the second floor. I must admit, as crappy as this place looked from the outside, she had actually transformed her apartment into a beautiful home. She had a glass dining table which was just to the right of the door, a beautiful, black leather couch, a big-screen TV, a coffee table similar to the dining table, and there was this killer purple shag-carpeting that started in the living room and twisted on back around the corner. God this apartment was huge, and beautiful. On one wall was some old Film Noir movie posters, like the Maltese Falcon, and the classic Metropolis. Wow, Someone with the same taste in decorating as me!
"Wow!" Was all I could say. Aaron giggled at my amazement. He walked into the living room with me in tow. He walked to a black barcolounger that was on the other side of the room that I didn't see earlier. It was sitting on the opposite side of the room facing the kitchen, which was on the other side of the wall, where we came in. I sat down on the end of the couch closest to him.
"So you like?" He asked holding up his arms to indicate that he was talking about the apartment. I guess he'd learnt to specify what he was asking about when he was talking to me. Hehe...I guess he never forgot that night he stopped me in the street either.
"Yeah, this place is Killer man!" I said emphatically. This was a bachelor pad fit for a...a...IT WAS A KICKASS PAD OK!
Aaron looked at me for a minute. Then he smiled again and said, "Thanks! I decorated it myself!"
"You did? I thought this was somebody else's place?" I asked. What did he mean he decorated it? There was thousands of dollars of furniture and stuff here. How could he have-
"Oh...hehe...I live here too...My friend Linda is also my legal guardian." His smile faded for a second then came back full force. "You really like it?"
"Yea- Yeah! Wow, you're into film too? That is so cool." I said, trying to make conversation.
"Actually I bought those because they were great old movies...hehe...I don't know the first thing about film. My forte is acting." He stopped smiling a moment. "Umm, Josh. I know this is nowhere near what we're talking about..."
I stopped smiling as he trailed off. Uh-oh...Time to have that talk I'd been hoping to avoid altogether.
He looked down at the carpet, then got up and came over and sat on the other end of the couch. "Listen. I'm sorry that Becky and me and put you through all of this. I just wanted to find a way to safely let you know..." He trailed off again. He was shaking something awful. Was he trying to tell me that he- "that....that I like you." He looked up at me with teary eyes. He said it! He does like me! OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU GODS ABOVE!!!
Now what do I do? He was obviously looking for some kind of response from me. I was so overjoyed that I wasn't sure what to do! After a minute or so of silence, I cracked a smile and the tears that had gathered in my eyes fell freely. "I...I like you too Aaron...." Was all I managed to say. I scooted closer, and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. After a moments hesitation he wrapped me up in his warm body. His strong, well-muscled arms enveloped me and pulled me closer to him. He brought a hand up to stroke my hair. He cried too. We must've sat there in each other's arms for an hour before we moved.
For the first time all day...though I was weeping, I had time to think. I closed my eyes and began to think of the day's events, and that this was the 2nd time in one day that I'd cried. But this was different. For once I wasn't crying tears of pain. I was crying for the first time in my life tears of joy. For the first time I found comfort in the arms of another man; and I'd never been more content with my life.
I finally started to believe that Aaron and I could be together without any hitches, we just had to be careful. But that was a well-known fact. When you live deep in the "bible-belt" of the United States...you just couldn't be "Out" and manage to lead a happy existence. God...I could only imagine what all the people of this place have put Aaron through.
I thought back to the night before when Trevor had been so cruel to Aaron. I hated Trevor for ever being so cruel. But he is Trevor, so...I have to forgive him. I realized how much things would have to change between Trev and I if I was actually going to start "seeing" Aaron. GOD! I hadn't even thought about sex with Aaron all day. I wondered if he wanted me as bad as I wanted him?
It didn't matter. I couldn't be with him until I figured out how to deal with Trevor. It would only be a matter of time before he figured out that I was avoiding him. Then he'd want to know why. Then He'd see me smile at Aaron one day as I passed him in the hall way. Then... Then.... OH GOD! Then Trevor would hate me!
I started bawling at that moment and this time they were tears of fear. Fear that I'd never ever be able to have love and my best friend at the same time. GOD! Did normal 16 year olds have to deal with this much bullshit?
Aaron must have noticed my sudden change of moods, because, he shifted and pulled me away from him, he took his soft hand, and grabbed my chin. Tilting my face upwards so that he could see me, "Hey...what's wrong?"
I know I must've looked like hell warmed over. I couldn't speak. At that point I didn't think I could do anything but cry. Aaron pulled me up to a sitting position, and he looked into my eyes. He started to cry again.
"Josh... I know that this is hard for you. You're scared. I don't know why, but Josh, I ... I want to help you, I want to be with you...please, tell me what's wrong? Talk to me...please." His voice was shaky as he began to sob softly. Tears raced down his cheeks.
Why was I doing this to him? I'd fantasized about being with him for a long, long time. All I have to do is talk to him. Damnit Josh TALK TO HIM!!! I screamed at myself. I had to stop crying. I had to. I was with Aaron alone for the first time ever. And now I could tell him how I feel, and know that he wouldn't reject me or hate me, because he already said...He likes me. So come on...you know you like him too Josh! TALK TO HIM!
Finally after a long pause, we managed to calm down and stop crying. He got up and went to the bathroom to clean up, and brought a wet washcloth and hand towel for me to clean my face with. "I would let ya go to the bathroom and clean up but...it's kinda messy, and Linda hasn't emptied the kitty box today, so the whole room is kinda 'ripe'...hope you don't mind." He was smiling again. Yes, he was smiling, but I could tell he was still dying to talk to me. To get to know me and to know what was making me hurt so badly.
He extended his hand to pull me up, and when I stood he led me into the kitchen, still holding my hand. It felt so good to do this without any apprehensions or fears. There was no chance we'd get caught. Not here, not at his house, and Linda wasn't do back for hours. LINDA!!!
"Umm...Aaron? Does, uh, does Linda know umm... does she that you're uh-"
He laughed at my difficulty with words, "Does she know I'm gay? Man, she knew way before I even knew I was gay. Linda is the coolest. She's only like 34 years old so she's not as old as most parents. She sat me down when I was around, 12 or so after she found out that I had umm...hehehe...She was cleaning my room and she found one of her Playgirl magazines under my mattress." He started cracking up. He stumbled over to me and grabbed my shoulder to keep balance. "Man, she reamed my butt for that, then she opened it up and said..."It's cool Aaron. Just ask me next time ok?' Then she flipped to one of the center folds and asked if I thought he was hot!" He gave up trying to stand and fell into the kitchen floor laughing his cute little ass off. I was trying to finish washing off my face and keep from doubling over laughing too. Wow. It sounded like he had an awesome mom!...er, guardian!
After I had finished I turned around and looked at Aaron who had scooted back to one of the cabinets to sit against, while he still giggled about his coming out. I started laughing again, just because he was laughing. I just stood there and looked at him. He was so cute! His ear-length black hair was mussed from rolling around on the floor, and those beautiful eyes of his were filled with tears. He was laughing so hard he was CRYING! God, this is so cute!
Eventually, the laughter subsided. I was leaning back against the counter, legs crossed, arms folder over my chest. I was still looking at Aaron. I know I had this big goofy smile on my face, but I didn't care. Aaron, who was also grinning, stood up...the smile fading from his face. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and looked at me. He donned a serious expression. The look in his eyes, was hazy, almost like a person looks when they're high. Except, there was something else behind all that. I didn't know what it was.
He crossed the small walkway and was standing before me. My smile faded. He leaned forward, placing his arms on the counter behind me, and moved his head to where we were cheek to cheek. I could feel his warm, sweet breath on my neck. My nostrils were filled with the scent of his hair and skin. He smelled of apples and Cool Water cologne. GAWD that cologne drove me into frenzy! I loved that stuff!
Aaron didn't speak. He just pulled me away from the counter so that I wasn't leaning anymore and he wrapped his arms around me. Since he stood up, my arms had fallen limply at my side, and as he snaked his arms beneath my own, I wrapped mine around his neck. We stood there for a minute, Just holding each other. Then he leaned back to where he could look me in my eyes, and smiled.
"Josh?"
"Yea-yeah?" I managed to muster from my throat. It was barely a hoarse whisper. Suddenly I became conscious of my hard-on, which was digging into his hip. OH NO!
Just then he pulled me closer to him, and then it hit me. Yep, it dug right into my left hip. He was hard too!
"Josh, I... I think I want to kiss you...." He looked into my eyes, waiting for a response. I didn't want to wait. I wanted to taste him. Barely 2 seconds after he finished, I closed my eyes and gently pressed my lips to his. We lingered there for a minute or two, neither of us making the move. Maybe because we were both afraid that we would accidentally go further than the other was willing to go. Ah the hell with it! I pushed my hips further into his own, and he pressed his lips into me, lingering there for only a moment...then he hesitantly backed away.
The electricity shot through my body, as we held each other, standing there in his kitchen. I was overcome with this amazing, energy...this undefinable, feeling, like none I'd ever had before. The heat from my body increased two-fold and suddenly I felt like asking "Is it hot in here to you?" But for fear of ruining our moment, I kept quiet.
I finally opened my eyes, and there, staring back at me, was the most beautiful guy I'd ever seen in my entire life. His hair fell into his eyes, and I reached up to brush it away, tucking it behind his ear. He smiled warmly, and I couldn't help myself, I went in for another kiss, and as our lips touched the butterflies in my stomach nearly ripped a hole in my back as though they were trying to escape, my heart rushed, and as we kissed, my dick throbbed in it's prison. Eventually I got up the confidence to snake my tongue between his lips. He held back at first, then met my tongue with his, and I nearly jumped from the shock it gave me! He tasted so good, and as our tongue kissing became more intense, and I got more into it, our hands began to roam over each other's body.
I ran my hands down Aaron's back to his tight ass, and (yes yet another first for met that day) for the first time, I finally touched the ass of my dreams, I kneaded his cheeks between my fingers and pulled him into me even more as our breathing began to get heavy and finally we had to come up for air.
I hung my head over Aaron's shoulder as I gasped for air. I was stunned. I couldn't say anything. What we just had between us, was amazing. I'd never shared anything like that with ANYONE before. I'd made out with a few girls before, but this was nowhere near the same. This was on a completely different level. This was actually FULFILLING! This was what I'd wanted and needed all my life. I had to have more. But...Aaron was still swallowing air in gulps...hehe, this was so cool. I'd never actually really enjoyed making out with anyone as much as I was enjoying myself right then.
I couldn't help myself, I had to taste more of him right NOW! I turned my attention to his neck. I began to plant soft angel kisses on the nape of his neck. I kissed my way up to the small strip of skin behind his right ear, darting my tongue out and running it along the smooth surface of his skin. Man did he ever taste good! I sealed my lips over the soft skin of his neck and began to suck.
Aaron drew in a sharp breath, then moaned in pleasure. "Oh god Josh. That feels so good. Mmmmmm...." He moaned again and again. I couldn't believe he really enjoyed it that much! I didn't want to stop, but I guess he wanted to kiss me again, because after a few minutes or so, He pulled me away, well actually he had to quite literally peel me off of his neck! Hehee! And we began to kiss again. He pulled as much of me into him as he physically could. He back-stepped to the other counter behind him and leaned back into it. He ran his hands down my back, and began caressing my virgin-ass. I moaned softly, and pressed into him, grinding our hard cocks together. He whimpered and our kissing became even deeper, and more passionate.
Suddenly Becky came running through the door!
"OMIGOD AARON! OMIGOD! GUESS WHAT?!?" We both stopped what we were doing and just held each other...not really sure what else to do. "Umm, AARON?" She walked into view, but didn't see us, she was facing the living room. When she didn't see us anywhere in the living room, she turned around and jumped. "OH! GOD! HEY! I thought I left you two here to TALK?!?" She asked accusingly. She began laughing and then walked into the kitchen. Aaron and I hadn't moved a muscle ever since she came in. She smacked me on the butt as she walked past me to the refrigerator. "Aaron, guess what!?!" She demanded as she reached in and pulled out a sprite.
"I don't know Becky! What?" Aaron said, obviously annoyed that she'd spoiled our moment. I took that as my cue, and stood up and walked back across to the other counter. As I settled in Aaron looked at me like a lost puppy dog. He didn't want me to move! Oh man! that was so sweet! I guess he was afraid that we'd never have another moment like that again. To be honest...So was I.
He shifted, and both, Becky, and I turned our attention to his crotch. She started giggling first, then I began laughing. He still had a raging hard-on! Aaron looked down, and his face immediately filled with blood. "Oh God!" He said, hiding his face in his hands.
Becky still laughing, reached over behind me, and grabbed a dishtowel. She walked over and draped it over his crotch, and it hung there! That was way too much! I fell into the floor laughing soon joined by Becky, who landed on my stomach and she rolled over and hit her head on my dick, which was also still hard!
"OMIGOD!" She screamed as she stood up. "They're everywhere!!!" She threw another dish towel down on me, Then ran out of the kitchen.
========================================================================== Chapter 7 =========
It took about half an hour before the 3 of us finally stopped laughing. Hehe. It also took just as long to get Aaron's cock to go soft again. WOW! We sat down in the living room, Becky in the barcolounger, and Aaron and I sat side by side on the couch. It was amazing how fast I'd managed to become comfortable with him. As the moment finally passed after 45 MINUTES! A thick, deafening silence settled in over the room.
Apparently, Becky despised inactivity and silence more than I thought. "GOD, somebody say SOMETHING! I can't take this silence anymore!" She got up to retrieve the remote from the coffee table.
I lifted my head from Aaron's shoulder, and looked at him. He was smiling, as always. We just sat there and stared into each other's eyes. God I could love him so much! I really could! I...I think I do!
Again, Becky interjected, "Umm...don't we need to talk about this guys?" She asked, practically begging for us to strike up a conversation. She must've decided getting us to talk would be more fun, so she just laid the remote down on the arm of the chair and stared at us. Aaron and I kind of nodded to each other saying that it was that time.
I sat up and rolled over to the other end of the couch so that I could see him, and Becky comfortably at the same time.
"Ok..." Aaron started, but never finished. He looked to me, then to Becky, and back at me. Oh we're off to a great start! This definitely wasn't going to be easy.
"Umm...so, Josh..." Becky paused to think I guess. "What...why don't you tell Aaron how you feel about you two?" God what a bitch! She really didn't want to beat around the bush at all did she? She just wanted me to come out and say it. She just wanted me to sit here and tell Aaron that I wasn't sure if I could see him because I was afraid of losing my straight, fag-bashing best friend.
"Gee, thanks for starting Becky," I shot her an evil glare and continued. Aaron had focused on me, and his pupils were small, like he was focusing ALL of his attention on me. He was ready to listen. But I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk. What if he didn't even want to try? What if he just said FUCK IT ALL and gave up just as we barely even got started together? GODDAMNIT JOSH JUST SPEAK SO YOU'LL STOP THINKING ALL OF THIS SHIT! Maybe then it won't happen.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I stopped, took a few deep breaths and tried again. "Aaron... I'm guessing you know now, that I really like you." I stopped to giggle about what had happened earlier. Man why couldn't we just make out some more and forget the talks? That way if I never get to see him again, at least I could say I made the most out of it! WAIT! What was I saying? That is so superficial! God! JOSH! TALK! DAMNIT IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA SEE TO IT YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES! Oops.
"And...I...I do want to try this out. With you, I mean. I do want to get to know you better." He smiled warmly, and told me to go on.
"You're doing pretty good, keep going!" He laughed.
"Hehehee...Well, umm..." I felt the lump grow in my throat. "Umm...you see, Trevor IS my best friend, and I know I can't hide something like this from him for very long..." Aaron sighed heavily and looked away. He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. His eyes became cloudy. My eyes filled with tears. When I continued, my voice was shaky and almost uncontrollable. "Aaron..." I scooted closer to him and laid my hand on his. "I don't know what to do. I mean, I never dreamed that I'd have to choose between happiness and my best friend. And I really do feel like I could be happy with you. I've wanted to...I've wanted to get closer to you ever since our talk after opening night for 'See How They Run'..." I stopped speaking. I couldn't say anymore unless I cried, and I didn't want to try and speak through sobs. That was just pathetic.
Becky came over and sat down beside me, resting a hand lightly on my left shoulder. "It's ok Josh, just let it out. It's ok...." I cried harder, leaning back against the couch and just letting it all out. "Take your time Josh, I know this must be hard for you..." Slowly I felt Aaron slide towards me, eventually resting my head on his shoulder. I could feel his chest heave as he cried with me. This was the second time in 2 hours.
Aaron managed to get himself calmed down enough to talk. "Josh... listen... I've liked you ever since the 6th grade. And whether you can feel the same for me or not, I love you! I knew before I even asked Becky to talk to you that Trevor would be a problem. Last night, I decided to test the waters. I knew how Trevor would react when I came to your guys' table. I didn't care. I just wanted to get closer to you? Don't you see? Josh, I want to be with you so so bad. I've never felt more strongly for anyone in my life! Becky, you, and Linda are the only people in my life that I really really care about. I just want to know that you care about me too. Josh..." He trailed off and hugged me tighter to him.
I returned the hug, then shifted to where I could look him in his eyes. He looked as though someone had just stolen the key to his heart and was hiding it from him. Like he wanted so badly for me to love him, that he would....JOSH!!! DAMNIT WHAT DID I TELL YOU??? TALK! OK OK, Jeez!
I reached up and brushed the tears away from his eyes. I had stopped crying, I'm not sure if that was because I was calming down, or if my body had to pause for a refill. He closed his eyes and tried to stop the tears. He wasn't sobbing anymore, his eyes just kept crying. I leant forward and kissed each of his eyelids, then sat back to look at him as I spoke.
"Aaron, believe me, I want to make this work, but here we are at our first rough spot and really, we haven't even started anything! What if it gets worse? Trevor-"
"TREVOR?!?" Aaron jumped up from the couch and stared down angrily at me. "Trevor?!? You think I wanna hear about that neophobic, homophobe asshole? Josh, I want to be with you! Not Trevor. I know that just having this conversation is hard for you. I know that inside, you're scared to let go and take a chance on me. But GOD DAMNIT! If Trevor was really your friend....Josh...Friends don't drop you because you're gay. Friends don't give a shit. But I guess Trevor is the closest thing to a real friend you have. But I CANNOT! CAN NOT see why you should have to make a decision between having happiness and having a best friend. BECKY!" He yelled, and turned his eyes on her.
She jumped so high I thought she'd hit the ceiling. "Wha-What?"
Aaron tried to calm down a bit before continuing. "Becky, you know I love you very much, and I would give anything for you. You are my best friend. When I came out and told you I was gay, what did you do?" He paused just long enough for Becky to open her mouth, but he didn't let her speak. "Josh, do you know what she said to me? She said 'Hells bells who knew?!?' Josh, that's what a friend says when you tell them when you're gay. Becky is a real friend. Trevor wouldn't be able to do that for you, would he? WOULD HE!" I cringed as he began yelling again.
What can I say? Aaron was standing there telling me everything he was thinking, and all I said was, 'Aaron I want to be with you, BUT...' I was tearing him open. I could see it. But, Trevor....
"Aaron!" Becky stood up and yanked Aaron off down the hallway into one of the bedrooms. What was she saying? Was she telling him to just give up on me? To forget it? That I wouldn't give up Trevor for the world?
========================================================================== Chapter 8 =========
What can I do? Trevor and I are best friends. But Aaron is right. A best friend is supposed to accept you as a whole person. That includes your faults doesn't it? I can't just ditch Trevor though. Not and have him hate me forever.
Aaron had said that he wanted to be with me. He said he...Oh My God He said He LOVED ME! Why in the fuck didn't I just tell him that I loved him too? I do don't I? I mean this is Aaron Fucking Williams we're talking about. The guy I've been crazy over for the past two years! If I let him slip through my fingers just because of Trevor...just because Trevor wouldn't approve. If I started doing that now, I'd probably do that for the rest of my life. Sacrificing love for a friendship atop the world's highest mountain of bullshit.
I can't be a pretentious closet-case, doing what's 'right,' what's expected of me for the rest of my life can I? What's the point of living if you aren't happy. And a few hours ago, when Aaron kissed me for the first time, I'd never been happier in my life! But if anyone knew what happened...I'd become a social outcast, I'd be labeled as a fag, Trevor would hate me and I'd be no better than...than... Aaron. What am I thinking? I don't look down on Aaron! God, with a temper like that I'm scared of him. The pain he must go through...I don't know how he deals with it. But, even through all that pain and hate he endures because of people like Trevor...he is at least honoring himself by being who he really is. Me, I'd never until this day actually 'lowered shields' and lived out who I really am. I'm gay. I have to accept that. Gay people need love too.
But Trevor...suddenly Aaron's words came flooding back to me, and I remember the look in his eyes, the fear that I was going to choose Trevor over him. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to hurt anybody. I just wanted to be with Aaron and still be able to be friends with Trevor.
But I couldn't have both. It was either happiness or Trevor. Even though I'd be happy knowing Trevor was still my friend, the pain of giving up any chance to be with Aaron, the guy I'd been in love with for the past two years would kill me. It wouldn't be worth it. I knew what I had to do. But could I do it? When it came down to it could I tell Trevor to accept me or fuck off? Would it come to that?
Suddenly I heard a door open around the corner, and Becky came around the corner. She was alone. She walked slowly, and she sighed heavily as she got closer. What happened? What did the talk about? Did Aaron decide he'd rather be alone than fight to be with me? Oh god what happened!!!
Just as I thought the anticipation would kill me, She spoke. "Josh, I'm sorry, but Aaron doesn't want to talk anymore. He asked me to take you home, and tell you how sorry he is for yelling at you." She looked into my eyes, and she saw me break. Right then, I wished that the anticipation had killed me.
I began to cry, and I tried to speak. I couldn't. She came over and sat down next to me. She put her arm around my shoulders as I laid my head in my hands and I cried. I was so ready to change just for him. Then he sends his friend to come and tell me that he doesn't want to talk to me. He couldn't even tell me himself! The tears came on their own now. I had no control over them. I couldn't stop them.
I vaguely remember Becky throwing my arm over her shoulder, and dragging me down to Aaron's Car. She sat me down in the seat and buckled me up. She treated me like a little kid. I guess at that moment and time that's all I was to her...to Aaron. Just a little sniveling insecure brat.
As Becky pulled out of the parking lot, I swear I saw a face in the living room window of his apartment. I thought maybe I was seeing things. No way it was Aaron. He didn't care about me anymore. He told Becky to take me home. He didn't want me there.
As badly as I had hurt him, I knew that maybe, just maybe we could work things out. I hoped and prayed, and even searched my pockets for the answer. Was I the one hiding the key to his heart?
========================================================================== Chapter 9 =========
I tried to force myself to think of something, anything else. But as I stared out the window of the car, images of what Trevor was going to do when I told him that I was gay kept flying at me. Sure, I didn't REALLY have to do it. But, if I wanted Aaron to be with me, I had to do it.
Neither Becky nor I said anything the whole way home. As she turned onto my street, I noticed she kept opening her mouth to say something, but she never did. I guess that was good though, because, I wasn't sure I WANTED her to say anything. I just wanted to go inside and go to sleep.
She pulled up to my house, then leant over and gave me a peck on the cheek. She forced a smile, and her eyes were screaming at me. What they were saying I don't know, but she definitely was trying to tell me something. Talk about weird.
"Thanks Josh..." She said as I closed the car door.
"Yeah." I waited for her to pull off then I crossed the street and ran into my house.
I reached the front door, and realized, that if my mom was home she'd be pissed, so I walked around back to see if her car was here. I came around the corner and was greet by an empty driveway. I should've known she wouldn't be home tonight.
Man, it was bad enough I hardly ever got to see her DURING the week, but lately I didn't get to see her on the weekends either. She would leave before I got up and wouldn't come in 'til the next morning, then she'd sleep until she had to go to work on Monday. GOD she was so weird.
I went into the house and laid down on the couch to watch TV. My stomach rumbled angrily, telling me I needed food, but I couldn't eat. I was in no mood to go off and spend 30 minutes in the bathroom just so I could fool my body into thinking I had eaten.
I guess that was one thing about me that everybody hated. Including myself. Sometimes I would eat like crazy, and not gain a pound. But sometimes I wouldn't eat one morsel of food for days, and I wouldn't LOSE a pound. For a 16 year old guy, I thought that was pretty fucked up. God, when I was around Trev, even though he is 17 now, he would ALWAYS, ALWAYS be eating. Sometimes he made me sick with all of the different, often grotesque food combinations he'd come up with...One time, he took one of those huge kosher dill pickles, and was dipping it in chocolate pudding....And everytime he would dip the pickle in he'd hold it up and say, "as much as this looks like something I'd hate because it looks like a fudgepacker's penis, it's damn good."
"God he is a bigot!" I said out loud. I got up and went up to my room. I sat down at my desk and pulled out a cigar from one of the desk drawers. Fuck incense, this was what a room SHOULD smell like. I LOVED cherry tobacco. I lit up my stogy that I'd been working on for the past few days then leaned back into my chair and stared up at the ceiling.
"I never knew my ceiling was spackled..." I said with surprise to no one in particular. I looked over towards my bed, on the ceiling above my bed were a bunch of nets and beads that hung down about a foot from the ceiling. "Oh....I guess that's why. Hehehe...God josh, you can be such a dumbass.
I guess if it got right down to it, when one walked into my room, there really would be no way to tell whether a guy or a girl had this room. What can I say? I like purple and green! My bed had a purple and black, crushed velvet bedspread on it...WITH throw pillows! In the corner where I was sitting my desk said nothing of my being a man either. I had the back left corner of it cluttered with stacks of papers, magazines, drawings, and my poetry notebooks. My computer took up most of the space on my desk.
I swiveled around in my chair. At the entrance to the door I had partitioned the door by hanging net and beads around the arc of the door. Hehe...the killer about those nets were that I had three rainbow colored Beanie Bears strung up in each of the nets...I snickered. "My pride bears! Awww...Hey, what happened to you li'l guy?" I asked Ray, the third bear who had come completely unstrung from his net, save for one leg, which left him hanging upside..."Poor fella..." I muttered under my breath as I fixed him.
After I had Ray strung back up I went over and sat down in front of my small "special" bookshelf. I made it up so that it looked like a bookshelf, but actually it was kinda like an altar. I had gotten hell from Trevor and my mother, and GOD knows who else when I came out of the "Broom" Closet and told everyone that I was into Wicca. I didn't, and I still don't care if someone thinks it's wrong...We ALL have our own demented visions of a higher power. But mine was quite clear to me.
I recall the night I told my mother, she said..."OHHH! Well, why don't you go get your li'l witches broom and sweep the fucking kitchen? GOD, son! It's not enough that I have to come home to a dirty house, but I come home to find out my son is practicing some sort of satanic bullshit?!? What happened to you? You haven't been hanging around that Aaron kid have you? Boy, I tell you there's something that ain't right about him-"
"Mom...this was my decision, and I learned about it all by myself. Besides, Christianity is just a bunch of commercial bull shit in itself...At least with Wicca, you don't see those dumbass Televangelists asking you to send em money so they can buy a needy person a bible!!!"
"BOY DON'T you talk about them Televangelists, you're the one doing the works of the devil...they ain't doing nothing but good! Now git on outta here! GO TO YOUR ROOM and when I come in there I better not see none of them brooms, or voodoo dolls or nothing! SO help me god if I do I'm gonna shove 'em straight up your ass! And I want those books you got on it too! You give em all to me." She got up and yanked me up by the collar and flung me towards the direction of the room. That went well.
God she could be such a bitch sometimes. Sometimes? Hell almost every time I saw her we had a fight, and usually it was worse than that. It WAS my fault most of the time. I had a slight problem when it came to controlling my mouth when I got angry, and usually I'd shoot it off and go to bed that night with a fat lip or bloody nose.
Those days are over now. She hasn't really calmed down any, but she won't hit me. Because now I know that if she does, all I have to do is make a call. Last year was the last time she ever hit me. When she did I called and woke up Trevor's mom and she came over and took me back across the street with her. Then she'd come back over and have a conversation with my mom.
The light flipped on that I was standing in front of my "bookshelf" bent over, and that I had been for about a minute now. I sat down and began looking for my athame, which was a knife I used during ritual and sometimes I'd use it pop open the lock on the liquor cabinet. Hey, in my house, nothing is so sacred that it can't be used to get hold of something strong and hard. I ran my hand along the middle shelf, which was actually a secret shelf until my mom found the panel laying in my floor one day and threw it away. So now it was just a small little shelf that you couldn't see in because it was only like 2 inches tall. The knife wasn't there. I looked on the bottom shelf where I kept all my other stuff. Nothing! DAMN! What did I do with it this time?
"Oh well, I can just go and get a case knife." I stood and turned to walk towards the door, just as I passed through the net, I noticed that the stereo light on my radio was on. I turned the volume up to see what station it was on. Some lame country song came out of the radio. "Eeeew God! Who put it THERE!!!" I shrugged my shoulders, and turned it off.
Not a moment later someone lunged from inside my closet, flinging the door open and they ran out, running straight into one of my nets! I jumped back and landed in my reading chair and screamed. I couldn't see their face because they had a hockey mask on over it. They ran through the net, yanking it from the ceiling and right at me. They stopped in front of me and raised something shiny and metallic above their head. Oh god, my Athame!
"OH FUCK!" I said and shrank back into the chair. The person behind the mask leant forward until they were face to mask with me. He stood there just looking at me, breathing heavily, with the knife raised high above his head. Was he going to kill me? Was I going to die? God! As if this day wasn't already bad enough!
My assailant pushed a finger into my chest, and they looked at me for a moment.
"GOTCHA!" I heard a familiar voice say.
"TREVOR!!! I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!" He laughed insanely and tore off the mask, throwing it on my bed. I got up and tried to get the knife from him, and eventually he let go, while doubling over in fits of laughter. "YOU ASSHOLE! GOD! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE!" I screamed as I stepped over him to replace my athame in its place.
GOD HE COULD BE SO INCONSIDERATE AT TIMES! THINGS LIKE THIS IS WHY I REGRET EVER GIVING HIM A HOUSE KEY!
"I got you man!" He laughed as he rolled over on his back and looked up at me. "I TOTALLY FUCKING MADE YOU PISS YOURSELF!" He laughed.
"Yeah Trev, that's mature. Must've been one helluva party. Cuz the only one here that's pissed themselves is you." I hated it when he was like this. Usually if something was bothering him, he'd get really really drunk or stoned until he was in this numb stupor. And of course James HAD to have a party on one of those kind of nights. I extended a hand to help him up.
"Ahhh, shit man!!! These aren't even my pants!" He said panicking, then looked at me.
"WHAT!?!" If they weren't his then that meant...I undid the fly of his pants and pulled out the tag to look at the initials on it..."FUCK TREVOR! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING MY GOOD PANTS?!?" I screamed at him.
"I'm sorry man!, I stopped by...you were still asleep...Hehehee...you had a boner!" Trevor giggled, and his knees buckled, he fell into me and GOD HE SEEMED SO HEAVY! He'd passed out. GREAT! First the thing with Aaron, now I had to baby-sit Trev until he sobered up.
My hand that was holding the tag of the pants ended up getting caught when he fell forward and the only way for my hand to go was in his pants and between his legs. OH God if my mom came in and saw this I'd be dead for sure. I dragged my comatose friend over to my reading chair, WITH my hand still caught in his pants and stretched out as far as I could to lock the door.
"DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!" I said, and picked Trevor back up. I wrapped my free arm around his waist and we hobbled over to the door, and locked it.
I sat him back down in the reading chair. But I forgot my hand was in his pants and when I dropped him into the chair I screamed in pain as I was jerked down with him, landing on my arm. "BLOODY FUCK!" I screamed. Trevor didn't even flinch. No big surprise their. I tried to pull my hand out but that wasn't going to happen, not unless I took his pants off. I tried again anyway, because the last thing I wanted to do, was have to sleep across the room from my half-naked best friend. I knew he was straight, and yes, I knew he hated fags, but right the I could've taken him so easily, and gotten him off, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't take advantage of him. Shit I couldn't even jack off in front of him that one time we played truth or dare, but he was never too shy to do it in front of me. Sometimes he'd come over with a porn movie and some beer, and we'd get drunk, and watch the movie. That wasn't even 2 weeks ago the last time that happened and he just dropped his pants and started beating off. That always made me so uncomfortable, because, Trevor was as hot as any guy you could ever meet, but he was so so untouchable, and the torture I went through every time he would do that was unimaginable.
I forced my mind back to the task at hand. Getting MY hand out of Trevor's pants! I moved around inside the pants as best I could without brushing against his dick, but the inevitable happened, and all the inadvertent massaging I was giving him got him hard as a rock. God, why did this have to happen tonight? Now I had another problem, his hard-on was TOTALLY locking my hand down in place...I was gonna have to take the pants off.
"Shit." I said in a monotonous voice. "Why me?"
I picked Trevor up again, and swung him across the room...throwing him on my bed. With my trapped hand grabbing the inside of his leg and my free hand pulling on the waistband of the pants and his boxers, I pulled his lower body off of the bed completely. I leaned forward over him, to try and lessen the tension on the seam of the pants and used my free hand to pull the pants down. They gave a few inches the stopped. Caught on his hard-on. I tried to move my hand again and not brush his cock. I barely slid it out of there, I ended up touching the head and he moaned reached down with his hand to pull out his cock. OH GOD! I forgot about that!
Trevor was what you called a LUSH! When he got drunk he'd pass out, and he'd stay that way for about 20 minutes, then he'd do whatever he felt like and not remember doing any of it. Before I could stop him he scooted himself back up on the bed and started jacking off furiously.
"OH THAT'S FUCKING WONDERFUL TREV!"
He giggled, and moaned, tilting his head to see me. His eyes were open but there was no one inside. "Hehehe, ain't it though!" He never lost a single stroke. "Hey go get me some lotion or something this hurts.." He slowed down then stopped completely.
"C'mon Trev, just go to sleep bro...don't do that..." He sat up and swung his legs off the side of the bed, not paying any attention to the fact his pants were around his ankles or that his dick was popping up through the hole in his boxers.
"PPLLEEEAAASSEEE!!??!!" He begged.
"GOD TREV!" I almost got up and went downstairs to sleep in the couch, but then I decided that I could use a little more excitement for the day. It wasn't often that I could just WATCH him and not worry about what he'd think. "If you really have to, there's a bottle over there in the top dresser drawer, I'll be back, STAY IN HERE!"
"Heheheee..." He slumped over and fell to the floor. OH GOD I hope he didn't hit his head to hard. Maybe it'd knock him sober. I left him there passed out on my floor, and I went into the kitchen. I fixed myself a sandwich and looked through the fridge to find some kind of alcohol. Nothing. Shit. I reached into the silverware drawer and pulled out a case knife. Taking a bite out of my sandwich I walked back into the dining room.
I sat my food on the table and popped open the lock on the liquor cabinet. The cabinet was actually a little black trunk with a simple little box lock built into it...all you had to do to get into it was slide the knife through the crack on the side where the flap met the casing and pull back on the knife. I popped it out and flipped open the trunk.
As usual it was full of assorted liquors. My mom the alchy. I laughed to myself. I reached in and grabbed a bottle of my favorite that my mom hardly ever touched, Southern Comfort. I needed SOME comfort right now. Sure wasn't going to get it from Trevor.
I poured myself a shot, downed it, poured another and downed it. I had about 4 shots, then I placed it back and got out a bottle of wine. I went back into the kitchen, wine in one hand, sandwich in the other. I got out a small tumbler, filled it with the...I didn't even know what kind of wine it was, I didn't care. And took the bottle back to the trunk, closed it up and pounded the lock back into place.
I retrieved my wine and sandwich and sat down at the table to eat them. I wasn't sure I could eat in my room. Not with Trevor behaving like he was. I absolutely hated what he did to himself. Even more so, I hated James for letting him drink that much. But I had been guilty of the same before. I was basically doing the same thing right now. But I knew my limits. Trevor didn't know his. I wondered what could be bothering him so bad. Had Becky talked to him earlier today? Did SHE do something to him? Was it something with his parents again?
I thought back to the time that he had been sitting in my room when my mom and I had come home from the movies earlier this year. It was a lame night and my mom went straight to bed. She only took me because she said we were getting too far apart, and that it only being the two of us since my dad walked out on her back when I was in 8th grade, we had to spend SOME time together every now and then. Otherwise I'd end up walking out on her too. She said it like it was my DAD'S fault he left. But she was the one always gone from home, and she was the one always going away for "Business Trips." I had gone to my room and there Trevor was passed out in my bed. I tried to wake him, but when I leant over and smelled the liquor on his breath I knew he had been too drunk to risk going home and getting caught. Luckily his mom knew that if he didn't call he was staying at my house. Trevor was a good boy. HEHEHE...YEAH RIGHT! If she only knew how many nights there had been like that one. I stayed awake most of the night, watching him sleep, sitting down on the end of my bed, just watching him. He looked so peaceful. But the next morning I found out that inside he was anything but.
I wondered what it was this time that was bothering him. I wondered if he had had as nearly eventful a day as I had. I thought back on my day. I guess by then I was feeling the alcohol, I giggled to myself at how much had taken place in only the last- I checked my watch, 1:13 am. 9 hours since I had woken up. The giggle turned into laughter, and as I finished my sandwich and wine, walking back to my room, my stomach began to cramp from all the laughing. I opened my door.
I stopped laughing. Trevor, who hadn't moved that much since I left was laying in a HUGE puddle of piss in the spot where I left him not even...what was it 10? 15? or was it 30 minutes ago? Ah hell, it didn't matter, my whole room reeked of piss. Great! I sighed to myself, and went over to pick Trevor up.
I dragged him out of my room and into the bathroom, I sat him down on the toilet, and started undressing him. God did he stink! He smelled like a combination of piss, beer, and puke. I just hope he hadn't puked in my room too. I got him stripped down and picked him up and walked him into my shower. I had a bathroom that only had a shower but no tub in it. I turned on the water and held him there so that he could get cleaned off. I got the soap and washed his chest and stomach as best I could, then I had to pause to turn him around, nearly slipping because of all the water in the stall floor and me still wearing my sneakers. Hell I had ALL my clothes on! God I was gonna have one HUGE load of laundry to do before school on Monday.
I managed to get him all cleaned up and so I sat him down in the shower floor, and stripped of all my clothes, deciding to make the best of it while we were in there. I managed to get all my clothes off, and I threw them on top of Trev. Not like he'd protest or anything. I showered and then got the clothes and tried to wring out as much water as I could. I stepped out and toweled off, then grabbed up all the clothes and threw them in a heap on the floor. I was getting tired, but I still had to clean the piss out of my carpet.
First things first. I got Trevor up, he was semi-conscious so all I had to do was get him to stand up while I dried him off, then I slung his arm over my shoulder and helped him stagger back into my room. I dug through my drawer and got out some shorts for Trev to sleep in, and with little difficulty got them on, and I put him to bed.
By 2:45 I had everything cleaned up, and I came back to my room, flipped out my light, and crawled over Trevor into the far corner of my bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow I fell asleep.
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Ok guys, hope you enjoyed this one! I was going to release each part in 5 chapter blocks. But I changed my mind. Computer problems! Part 3 by this SOON!!! If you wanna lemme know what you think about the characters, the story in general, style, or whatever, just email me back:
thedoors72@hotmail.com
love and hugz for all of yaz!
Ari Ryven