Forever

Disclaimer ----------

This story is fiction and completely in the mind of its author. The author makes no claims as to the sexuality or personality of any based-on-reality characters you may find here. It's fantasy, kids. Remember that.

Don't read this story if you're too young, or if it's illegal where you live. Frankly, you should consider finding a new place to live if it's illegal, cause it must be a damn boring place where you are now.

Enjoy!

And now...'Forever'...

Chapter 108

"Here he is, Kev," AJ hollered behind him as I came out of the stairwell next to him.

"Dylan?" Kev's voice floated to me from an open door just before the man himself stepped out.

"Yeah, Kev, it's me," I said, my voice noticeably lacking in energy.

"Where've you been, sweetie?" he asked as he enveloped me in a hug. "I woke up hours ago to find you and Nick gone."

"Sorry, Kev. Just had some thinking to do, so I went to the roof. I guess I lost track of time," I replied. I avoided looking into his eyes, knowing he'd see the turmoil there. I wasn't ready to deal with that.

"Did Nick go with you?" Howie asked as he came to stand beside the three of us. I nodded briefly.

"He came up for a while when I first walked out. But, he left me alone up there before sunrise. Said he was going to his room," I told them.

"Well," Howie spoke up, "he's not in his room, and his bed's barely been touched. So, we've found one stray and still have one to go."

I stared at Howie a moment, wondering if he was serious. It occurred to me immediately that he'd have no reason to lie about it, so I knew that Nick really wasn't there. One thought raced through my head.

"Oh hell!" I exclaimed as I ran for Nick's room.

The door was standing open when I got there. I quickly walked through, my eyes taking in the details before me.

His suitcase was still there, but the gym bag he used to haul small changes of clothes and his personal electronics was gone. His Nintendo was there, which was a good sign he'd come back, but, his laptop was gone, which was a good sign that he wasn't just out for the day.

"Fuck!" I yelled for no real reason other than frustration.

"Dylan?" Kev's voice interrupted me from the doorway. "What's goin' on? Why're you so mad?"

"Nick bailed, Kevin," I replied, the frustration again evident. "One of his bags is gone, so's his computer. He wouldn't take that if he was just takin' a break for a day."

Kevin scanned the room. His mind quickly put the details of what I was saying together. And he realized that I was right about the laptop. Nick was gone.

"Howie. AJ." They both snapped to attention when they heard his firm tone. "Does either of you have your laptop with?" he asked. AJ shook his head, but Howie nodded.

"I do, Kev," he said. "I've been keeping in touch with De...with a friend back home. I needed e-mail access."

"Good. Go check it, see if Nick's sent you anything. Maybe he left a note of some kind."

Howie left then, with AJ trailing along behind him. I could feel Kevin staring at me, but I refused to meet his eyes. I knew I'd give too much away if I did.

"Spill, D," he said, his voice betraying some of the fear he was feeling.

"What d'ya mean?" I asked, trying to act nonchalant. As expected, it didn't fool Kevin one bit. He knew me far too well. He walked over to me and used one hand under my chin to force me to look into his eyes.

"You know what's goin' on, Dylan. Now tell me," his voice was firm, even a little angry.

We stared each other down for a minute. I was fighting an internal struggle, debating back and forth how much I should tell Kevin about what'd happened between Nick and I. His eyes softened a moment later, and I saw the true depth of fear he was feeling.

"Please, D, what's goin' on? Please, tell me," he pleaded with me.

I broke. There was no way I could continue to withhold anything from him. Even if I wanted to.

"Where's Nick, Dylan?"

"I don't know, Kev," I whispered, looking into his eyes. "We talked. Some things got said. He left. He told me he was coming back to his room. That was it." I tried to play the incident down, but he wasn't buying it. He shook his head after studying my face.

"No, D, that's not it. Something happened between you, something that's got you hiding and Nick vanishing. Please," he was near-begging again, "please tell me what happened." I sighed, unsure where to begin.

"I woke up in the middle of the night," I began, speaking slowly as I built everything up in my head. "Well, Nick woke me up, actually." Kevin didn't say anything, just stared deeply into my soul with those penetrating eyes of his.

"He was...that is he...he was...touching me...um...REALLY touching me," I faded for a second when I saw the questioning look in Kevin's eyes. It was quickly replaced by anger.

AJ and Howie chose that minute to come walking back in the room. Kevin didn't even acknowledge them.

"Get out," was all he said. His tone brooked no argument, and AJ and Howie immediately retreated to the hallway. "Talk," he said to me.

"I was sleeping. He started putting some moves on me. When I woke up and realized what was going on, I jumped out of bed. Frankly, I'm a little surprised you slept through it." He didn't acknowledge what I'd said, just bored his eyes deeper into me. I wanted to look away, to break the hold he had over me. But, I couldn't.

"I put on some sweats and headed for the roof. A few minutes later, he showed up there, too. We argued for a bit..." I trailed off here. For some reason, it'd been easier to tell Kevin about Nick making a move on me in bed than it was to explain WHY he'd done it.

"And?" Kev said, giving me a small shake for emphasis.

"Kev, please, it's not," I began, but he cut me off.

"TELL ME!" he practically shouted, shaking me again with more force.

"FINE!" I hollered back, my own anger raising at how he was forcing the issue. "Nick decided to tell me that he's been in love with me for months, ok? Are you HAPPY now?!" I spit it out. That took the wind out of him. I heard a sharp breath from the hall, indicating AJ and Howie had heard, too.

"What?" he gasped.

"You heard me just fine, Kev," I said, shaking his hands from me and walking to the window.

"But, Nick's not gay. Hell, he's not even bi that he's ever indicated," Kevin said.

"Well, you're no more surprised about it than I was," I replied, my voice softening, the flash of anger fading.

"But...how?" he wondered.

"I asked him the same thing. He just said he didn't know. That he'd noticed the feelings after that night you were sta..." I choked for some reason. "That night you were stabbed."

"Did something happen that night?" he asked. My head snapped around, stunned that he'd even ask me that.

"Yeah, Kevin, I lost my mind. My heart got torn still beating from my chest by a group of hate-filled, mindless thugs. Nick helped me put it back in again, so I decided to thank him with a quick fuck!" I sneered, tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, D," he apologized, moving towards me. "I didn't mean it like that. I just wondered if he gave you any indication of anything then." I shook my head.

"No, nothing. Although, even if he had that night, I'd never have remembered it." I paused, letting memories take me back again. "You don't know what I was like that night, Kevy. I forgot who I was, I forgot how to talk. I just...died inside."

He wrapped me in his strong arms, then, letting me relax against him. I was fighting off the memories of that time, trying to push them back down into that corner of my mind where I kept them hidden, locked away. His strength and warmth helped me do that one more time.

"Did anything else happen with Nick, D? Last night, I mean? Anything that might give us some clue where he's gone."

"No, Kev. Like I said, after he told me that, and we talked a bit more, he said he was going to his room. I stayed behind, trying to figure out what the hell I was gonna do. I didn't come down again until you guys saw me a little while ago."

Kevin sighed against my skin as he held me. I could tell he was torn about all of this, just like I was. Nick was like a little brother to him, someone he looked out for and cared a great deal about. And now, Nick had confessed he was in love with Kevin's boyfriend.

"Kev," I whispered.

"Yeah?" he replied, his voice sounding tired.

"Promise me you won't be mad at him. He's gonna need your...your understanding through this. The fact he took off tells me he's afraid of what's gonna come next, at least in some small way. He needs to be able to look to you to help him through this."

"I can't promise that, D. But I'll try. That's all I can give you right now," he whispered.

"Kev," I began, but he cut me off.

"No, Dylan," he said, his voice once again firm. "Nick may have feelings of some kind for you, but that doesn't give him the right to act on them. Or to just run away from us rather than face things. I'll try to be there for him, like I always have, but I can't guarantee anything."

I stared at him for a while before finally nodding, accepting what concession I could get from him. I knew it was a little unfair, and maybe unrealistic, of me to expect Kevin to help Nick come to terms with things. But, I also knew that Kev was one of the few that Nick would possibly turn to in a crisis, even if that crisis revolved around Kevin himself.

"Kevin?" Howie's voice was tentative, afraid to interrupt, obviously.

"Yeah, Howie?" Kev answered, staring at me another second before turning away to acknowledge him in the doorway. I turned away and stared back out the window.

"Nick didn't send me anything. Maybe Brian?" he offered.

"Maybe," Kev said. "But we won't know until Brian gets back tonight. I doubt he's paying much attention to e-mail or such today since he'll be travelling."

I tuned them out, then. They continued to talk, but I was starting to fade. I hadn't slept most of the night, and the little melodrama this morning revolving around Nick's disappearance just made things worse. I leaned my head against the window and just closed my eyes.

"D?" Kev's voice brought me out of my zone some time later.

I turned around to see that AJ and Howie were again gone. Kevin was standing just behind me, staring at me with some concern.

"You ok, sweetie?" he asked. I was glad to have him call me sweetie. It meant that maybe the tension between us earlier had faded.

"Just tired, Kev. Didn't exactly sleep well last night," I replied, unable to stifle a yawn.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," he said, sliding his hand down to take mine before leading me out the door.

"What `bout Nick?" I asked as we walked down the hall.

"There's not much we can do at the moment, D. We'll just have to wait and hope he contacts us. And hope he doesn't do anything rash," he said softly just before pulling me inside our room for a much-needed nap.

Chapter 109

I came awake abruptly a few hours later to find Kevin staring at me. His face was blank, giving away no emotion. That look alone told me something was wrong.

"What?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he replied, his tone clipped. He turned to look back at some papers he had on the table.

"Kevin, what's wrong?" I asked again, my voice betraying none of the apprehension I felt inside. He turned to stare at me, examining me in detail before answering.

"You were calling Nick's name," he replied, his voice devoid of any feeling.

"What?" I didn't remember what he was talking about.

"You heard me, Dylan. Just now, when you were sleeping, you were calling Nick's name," he replied before turning back to the papers.

"So?" I wondered, unsure why it was an issue. He turned back to me with a look of anger on his face.

"Dylan, you were CALLING NICK'S NAME in your sleep! And it didn't sound like calls of concern. They sounded like," he cut himself off then, but I didn't let it die.

"Like what, Kevin? Like Nicky and I were havin' a little `private couch session'?" I asked, sarcasm thick in my voice. He didn't say anything, just continued to stare at the papers.

I couldn't believe what he was insinuating. I'd thought we were beyond these doubts about each other and our relationship. I stood from the bed, walking over to the table. When he didn't acknowledge me, I grabbed his arm and yanked him to a standing position in front of me. I put my hands to his face and forced him to look at me.

"Kevin, answer me. Do you doubt me like that? Do you truly, in your heart, believe that I want to do that? Or that I'm even capable of doing that?"

I was very serious on the outside, but internally, I was praying he had the right answer. He just stared at me a moment before finally sighing.

"No, D," he whispered. "I know it's not like that. I'm sorry, it's just this whole thing has me freakin', ya know?" I breathed my own sigh of relief before answering.

"I know, Kevy," I spoke softly, stroking his firm cheekbones with my thumbs. "Believe me, I'm freakin' a bit, too. But, I would never do that to you. To us."

"God, Dylan, I know," he replied. "It's just..." he faded out before looking away.

"What, Kev?" I asked, nudging his eyes back to mine. "What is it?"

"You're so close to Nick, D. If it'd be anyone that you'd leave me for..." he trailed away again.

"Kevin, I will not ever leave you." I said, my voice firm and strong, letting him know my conviction. "Nick...he's like the brother I always wanted. Someone I can hang out with, someone I can talk to, and someone I don't HAVE to talk to in order to spend time together. But, that's it. I do love him, but it's a love that is purely platonic, and frankly can't even compare to what I feel for you."

I studied his eyes a moment before leaning in to kiss him. Our lips met in the most gentle of touches. I left it to him to deepen it if he so chose. And he did.

Within moments, we were back on the bed. We weren't making love, at least not in AJ's `wild monkey sex' type of way. But, we were definitely expressing our love through kisses, touches, whispered words. For a while, nothing existed outside of Kevin and me.

A knock at the door brought us both back to reality. Kevin kissed me one last time before pulling himself away. Brian entered our room when Kevin opened the door.

"Hey, cuz," he said, his accent more pronounced after spending time visiting family and friends back home. "What's up?" He noticed me on the bed. "Did I...interrupt?" he asked, a knowing smirk on his face. I sighed before standing to greet him.

"Not exactly," I replied somberly, giving him a brief hug, which he returned.

"What's wrong?" he asked, obviously picking up on my mood.

"Nick kinda disappeared, Bri," Kev said. "We were actually hoping you might've heard from him."

"No, I haven't. But I didn't have my cell on, and I haven't had time to check for messages or e-mail today. What happened?" The concern in his voice was obvious. Kev turned to me, asking my approval. I just nodded.

"You may as well tell him, Kev," I said. "He's gonna find out anyway. I'm pretty sure AJ and Howie overheard you and I...talking earlier." Kev nodded once before looking back to Brian.

"Nick made a pass at Dylan last night," Kev said. I could tell by his tone that he was still angry about it, but he did seem to be trying to stay calm.

"Oh," Brian said. The tone in that "oh" made me snap my head around to look at him.

"You knew," I said, stating a fact, not asking a question. Brian nodded.

"Nick talked to me about it once while you guys were gone. He'd gotten a little drunk that night partying. I guess it just slipped."

"Why didn't you say something?" Kev asked.

"What should I've said?" Brian asked in reply, turning a look on his cousin. "'Gee, Kev, Nick thinks he's in love with your fiance.' How would you've reacted to that?"

"Probably exactly like you did this morning when I told you," I said softly, causing both sets of eyes to shift to me.

"Exactly," Brian agreed. "There wasn't much point to telling you. And, I didn't want to say anything to Nick just in case it was nothing more than a drunken rambling. I didn't want him embarrassed by what he'd said. I figured if it were true, he'd bring it to me sooner or later."

"I don't think he intended on anything happening, Brian," I said. "We all fell asleep in here watching a movie. I think he probably woke up during the night and just..." I let the statement die off. I knew it didn't need to be completed.

"And I wasn't around to talk to, and now he's gone," Brian summed things up. Kev and I both just nodded.

"Well," Brian continued, "let me check my messages and stuff and see if he's left any info for me. I doubt he did, but it's worth checking."

"That sounds good, Bri," Kev said as Brian turned to leave. "Let us know if you find anything."

"Will do," Brian said, and then he was gone.

"Our lives are way too twisted, D," Kevin said once the door had shut again.

"Well, Kev, if I'm complicating things too much, I could always leave," I said, a lame attempt at a joke.

Kev walked quickly over to me, pulling me to him with one hand while placing the other against my face. His eyes were burning, fierce. I was surprised at the fiery response to what I'd said.

"Do not even JOKE about that, Dylan Weston," he said, his voice quiet, but harsh. I could almost see tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kev," I whispered, reaching up a hand to lay over his on my face. "I didn't even think before I said it." He just nodded and eased his grip slightly.

I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. I felt both of his arms slide around my waist, holding me loosely against him, but with enough force that I knew I couldn't walk away if I wanted to. But, I didn't want to, anyway.

Chapter 110

The ringing phone brought me from a sound sleep. I had the unfortunate luck of being on the side of the bed nearest the phone, so Kevin didn't even move to get it. I fumbled around in the dark before finally finding the receiver.

"Hello?" I asked, the fact I'd been asleep moments before totally obvious in my voice.

"Dylan?" I couldn't place the voice, although I knew I should recognize it.

"Yeah?"

"Dylan, wake up! It's Lindsay," she said, speaking louder to force me out of my `coma'.

"Yeah. Yeah, hi...Lindsay...yeah. Um...what's up? Why're you callin' so early?" I looked over at the clock and saw it was 3:00am.

It'd been three days since we'd seen or heard from Nick. All of the guys were worried about him. No one wanted to call his family yet to see if they had news, though. They didn't want the Carters worrying until it was absolutely necessary.

Kevin and I had been feeling the strain the hardest. He was taking a lot of blame for the whole incident on himself. He felt responsible, like he should've known what was happening with Nick. I tried to point out that he'd been in the hospital for the last two months, but that didn't seem to phase him.

I, too, felt a certain degree of responsibility, not only for the fact that I didn't know what Nick was going through, but also for the fact that I hadn't figured out his plan to bail before he'd left. If Nick and I were such good friends, I felt like I should've known more about what was on his mind.

Kev and I argued a number of times, mostly over trivial and unimportant things. The stress just kind of got to us every now and then, as happens to all couples. We always apologized, then spent time making out to reinforce the apologies. I was becoming a real believer in the concept of makeup sex. I tuned back in to Lindsay.

"I was wondering if you'd talked to Nick lately," she said, her voice a little tentative.

"No, Lindsay. I told you what happened when you and I talked on Sunday night. Nick disappeared that morning, and he hasn't let anyone know what happened to him. The guys're considering having The Firm hire a private investigator."

"Well..." she began, the hesitated. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but...well..."

"Lindsay, it's like the middle of the damn night here. I'm too tired to jerk around, so just spit it out. What's going on?" I asked, getting a little short with her.

"Dylan, Nick's here," she finally said.

"What?" I exclaimed. I sat straight up in bed. "What d'ya mean Nick's there?"

My words finally reached Kevin, who'd been lightly dozing next to me since the phone rang. He immediately sat up next to me, even going so far as to reach for the phone before I waved his hand away.

"He just kinda showed up on Monday morning, and he's been staying at my place ever since. He won't talk about why he's here. Actually, he barely talks at all. He just sits around the house, watching TV or petting Joey," she said. I could tell she was concerned by the tone of her voice.

"Does anyone know he's there? Has he talked with his family or anyone else?" I wondered.

"Not that I know of. He might've called when I was at work last night. Or tonight, I guess," she speculated. "But, the way that he's acting, I really doubt it. He's hiding from something."

I hesitated then. I hadn't filled Lindsay in on the details about why Nick had left. I'd just let her believe that Nick had left for his own reasons. I didn't feel right about `outing' Nick like that to people outside the band. Even someone as close as Lindsay.

"I assume he doesn't know about you calling us?" I asked.

"No, of course not. The first thing he did was make me promise not to call. Actually, he specifically told me not to call YOU," she said, a puzzled note in her voice. "But, I don't know what to do about him, Dylan. He's so...gone."

"I can imagine," I said. I stopped to think a minute, considering my options. I quickly came to a decision.

"Lindsay, don't say anything to him. I'll catch the first flight that I can arrange," I told her. I felt Kevin stiffen next to me. I slid a free hand under the sheet, making contact with his leg. I gave his thigh a gentle squeeze, trying to reassure him.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Dylan?" Lindsay was asking. "Like I said, he seemed pretty specific about not wanting YOU anywhere around."

"I know, Lindsay, but I'm the only one who can help him get through what he's dealing with right now."

Kevin slid away, standing from the bed and padding over to his suitcase. He slid on a pair of shorts and walked out onto the deck. I couldn't tell what specifically he was thinking, but I had a pretty good guess.

"Alright, Dylan. I'll keep it under wraps," she said.

"Thanks, Lindsay. I do appreciate it. And I promise that I'll explain as much as I can when I get there. Just keep Nick there, ok?"

"I'll do my best," she said. "Listen, I've gotta go. My break's about over. Are you gonna need me to pick you up at the airport?"

"No," I told her. "I'll pick up a rental car. Just expect me some time today. If I can't make it, I'll call you."

"Ok, sounds good. See ya soon," she said, and then she was gone.

I hung up the phone, considering what to do next. I immediately realized there was nothing to consider. Kevin was obviously bothered. My plane reservations could wait.

I slid from the bed, stopping a moment to grab a pair of shorts. I pulled them to my waist as I stepped over to the patio door. I slid it open, revealing Kevin standing there with his back to me, leaning on the railing and gazing out on the world.

"Kev?" I asked softly, tentatively. I moved over next to him, resting a hand against the warm skin of his back. I was a little relieved when he seemed to press back against it.

"Don't go, D," he said, his low voice almost inaudible in the night air.

"Kev, I have to. Nick's my friend. He needs me," I said.

"Let Brian go, D," he said. "Why does it have to be you?"

"Kev, you and Brian and the rest of the guys have to be in the studio. I'm the only one who's free," I pointed out, hoping that he'd buy the excuse.

"Dylan, that's bull and you know it," he said, finally turning to face me. "I'm the only one really tied in at the studio that heavily. The others need to be there for some stuff, but not anything that couldn't wait a day or two. Brian could go."

"Why does it matter so much if I go?" I wondered.

"Because I don't want you near Nick right now, ok?" he hissed. "Because he tells you he loves you, and now you're leaving me to go comfort him. And because I'm jealous as hell, alright?"

He turned away, pushing past me and walking back inside. I stood there for a minute, trying to figure out what I should say to him. I finally gave up figuring things out and just walked inside after him.

"I thought you trusted me, Kev," I said, speaking softly to keep any accusations from my tone. "I thought you understood how I felt."

"I do, Dylan," he said, frustration obvious in his voice. And a little fear. "But that doesn't make it any easier. Just because my mind understands, doesn't mean my heart is ok with you leaving."

He seemed to...diminish a little then. He dropped into a sitting position on the bed, resting his head between his hands.

"I don't want you to go, D," he whispered. "I want you to stay here. When you're not here...things aren't right. I'm not right."

"Kevin," I began, not sure where his feelings were coming from, "this isn't like you. What's going on?"

He didn't say anything for a minute. He just stared at the floor, breathing deeply. I realized a second later that he was crying. I quickly sat next to him, wrapping him in my arms.

"I'm...I'm scared, D," he whispered against my neck. "Ever since I got outta the hospital, I've been scared. Scared of something happening to me...or worse, to you. Scared somehow I'm gonna lose you. When you were in Tampa last week, and I was on my own, I couldn't sleep, I barely ate anything. All I could think about was getting on a plane and coming to you."

"But," he sighed, "I couldn't. I couldn't leave with so much to do. Luckily, you got back before things got too bad." He shifted back to look me in the eye.

"And now you're gonna leave again. And, to make matters worse, you're leaving to go be with Nick," he said. I started to speak, but he held a finger to my lips to silence me. "I know, you're not going to BE with him, but it doesn't make it that much easier."

"Oh, Kev," I whispered before leaning in to give him a gentle kiss. I could taste the wetness of his tears on my lips.

"Believe me, love," I said when we'd separated. "I definitely know where you're coming from. And," I hesitated before continuing,

"I'll make you a deal. I hop a flight to talk to Nick." I felt him stiffen, but I held a hand to his face, soothing as best I could.

"And," I quickly spoke before he could say anything, "I book a return flight for today. With or without Nick, I come back to you tonight." He searched my eyes.

"Promise?" he asked, pleading.

"I swear to you on everything I hold most dear. I will be back with you tonight," I promised again. "And tomorrow, we're gonna see about finding a counselor to talk to. For both of us to work out some things."

He stared at me a moment, searching my soul for confirmation. I opened up as much as I possibly could, letting him see the love I felt for him, and the determination I had to come back to him. He finally nodded.

I stood up, then, taking his hand to pull him up beside me. I slipped his shorts off, quickly following them with my own. I ushered him into bed and slid in after him.

I did take a minute to call the airline and book a flight. I made sure to book a return flight that evening as well. Kevin kept himself wrapped around me as much as possible while I spoke quickly and quietly with the airline attendant.

When that call was made, I lay back down with him. He rested his head on my chest and wrapped his arms and legs around mine. We didn't say anything. We just lay there, holding each other until we both drifted back to sleep.

Chapter 111

I practically sprinted through the Tampa airport several hours later. My plane arrived late, cutting into what short time I had on the ground here. It was already near 1:00pm, and I was scheduled to fly back out of Tampa at just after 7:30. That didn't leave much time to grab a rental and beat it to Lindsay's house.

I managed to get a minor miracle at the rental car counter. There was no line, and the person waiting on me at the counter was fast, efficient, and friendly. I hadn't had all that much luck in Tampa in the past. I was glad that changed this trip.

I pulled out of the airport in record time, dodging traffic and generally being a nuisance to my fellow drivers. But, I felt like I had an excuse, even if no one would agree with me. I had a friend that needed me, and I was willing to risk a few middle-finger salutes for him.

I had no idea what I would say to Nick when I got there. I'd been going over and over things in my head for the entire flight from LA. And I had nothing to show for the headache. Fortunately for me, the drive to Lindsay's house was far too hectic to allow my mind to wander back to Nick for longer than a few seconds.

I pulled up in front of Lindsay's house. I was tempted to park a block or two away, simply to avoid Nick spotting me. But, I thought that might be going too far. He wouldn't have anywhere to go once I got in.

To my surprise, the door opened just as I reached it. Lindsay was there, making a motion for me to be quiet. I stepped inside, wondering what she was about.

"Nick's still upstairs," she whispered.

"He's still sleeping? It's like 2:00!" I exclaimed, also trying to whisper.

"I told you, Dylan. He's been totally down since he got here. He just spends his time laying around," she said. I knew now why she was so worried.

Nick was never what I'd consider an over-active guy. But, for him to stay in bed the entire day, something had to be up. This was especially true when he didn't have Nintendo or some means of occupying his time. While he didn't work out or anything, Nick did have a lot of `nervous energy'. Too much time in one place and he'd get fidgety.

"I thought it might be easier for you to talk to him up there rather than down here," she continued.

"You're probably right. I don't know how much he's ready to share with someone else," I whispered, trying not to hurt her feelings. To my relief, she seemed ok with that.

I turned and made my way upstairs. I knew Nick would be in Joey's room. I assumed since the dog hadn't greeted me when I came in that Joey was in his room, too. I walked up to the door and tapped quietly. I waited a moment, got no answer, and decided to just walk in.

Nick was on the bed, apparently sleeping. He was on his side, facing the door. He looked so peaceful that it was hard to believe the turmoil he was going through. Joey was on the floor near the door, just watching. His tail started going when he saw me come in, but he didn't jump up on me to say hello. I was a little relieved by that.

I quietly closed the door behind me before walking over to the bed. I sat down as carefully as I could, not wanting to freak him out too badly by disturbing him. I gently placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him.

"Mmmm...go `way," was his grunted reply. He turned on his side, facing away from me. I shook his shoulder again, this time saying his name.

"Mmmmm...Dylan," was all he said this time. Judging by the tone, he was having a dream about me. And it was probably a pretty good dream, too. I got a bad feeling in my gut and just decided to go for the heavy-handed approach before he said anything else.

"Nick," I said in full voice as I shook him again, "wake up!"

That brought him out of his sleep. His eyes opened, and I could tell by the look on his face that he had, in fact, been dreaming about me. The blush in his cheeks a second later confirmed my suspicions.

"Dylan?" he wondered. "What the hell're you doin' here?"

"I might ask you the same question," I said, avoiding the obvious implication of Lindsay telling me. I didn't want Nick focusing on her at the moment. As it was, he just stared at me, not responding at all.

"Nick," I began, trying to coax him out. "Why'd you leave like that? Why didn't you stay so we could work things out?"

"What could we work out, Dylan?" he asked. His voice sounded so hopeless. It was not like the Nick I'd always known.

"This!" I said. "You...me...your feelings...what we do now."

He abruptly sat up in bed, sliding back against the headboard. He pulled his legs up tight to his chest and wrapped his arms around them before resting his forehead on his knees. I could hear him taking a few deep breaths.

"There's nothing to work out, Dylan," he whispered. "I'm in love with you. I can't change that. And I can't stay around you," he paused, his voice choking a bit. "I can't stay around you and Kevin."

"Nick," I started to speak, but he cut me off.

"No, Dylan. It's bad enough having to watch the two of you together. It's bad enough, knowing how I feel and how you can never return that. But...knowing that I did this to Kevin...I mean..." he trailed off.

"Nick, you didn't DO anything to Kevin," I said softly.

"Yes I did, Dylan!" he exclaimed, looking up again briefly. My heart caught at the lines of tears on his face. "I fell in love with his fiance. With the one person in the world that Kevin loves more than any other. What I did betrays his trust in me...betrays him..." his voice failed again.

"Nick," I sighed. "You didn't betray Kevin. You didn't choose to feel the way you feel. It's not your fault that you...that this happened."

He just laid his head back down and ignored me then. I sighed, sitting back and trying to figure out what to do. I'd never been in a position quite like this before.

When AJ'd made his move on me all those months ago, it'd been pure sex, and it was something that he'd admitted was wrong. But, with Nick, what he was feeling wasn't wrong. It wasn't BAD to feel love. Unfortunately, he was feeling it for ME, and that definitely caused a problem.

"Nick," I began again. "Are you sure about this? About how you feel I mean?" His head snapped up immediately, an angry look on his face.

"Christ, Dylan, of course I'm sure! I wouldn't have even THOUGHT of telling you that if I wasn't sure. I knew what would happen if I said something like that!" His voice was tight and filled with emotion.

"I may be young, but I do know what it's like to feel love, ok? When a person's the first thing you think about in the morning, and the last thing you think about at night. When a person's smile can make your entire day, even if it only lasts for a second. When a person's sadness makes you want to move heaven and earth to take that sadness away. When your happiness is totally tied up in the happiness of that person...that's what I think is love."

I sat back again, stunned. He'd told me he loved me before, but I'd never really connected to the fact he actually FELT all of that about me. I was basically speechless.

"I told you I loved you because I do. And, knowing what came next, I left," he said. That statement caught my attention.

"What came next, Nick?" I wondered.

"Kevin finds out," he said. He gave me a knowing look then. "You would've told him, Dylan. I know you too well. You wouldn't be able to keep it from him." I just hung my head. He was right, which was evidenced by the fact that I'd told Kevin less than an hour after we found Nick missing.

"Kevin would've found out, then gone ballistic. He and I would've said things...things that would hurt not only him and me, but you, too. You'd have been stuck in the middle between the two of us, and that wasn't fair to you." He paused, taking a deep breath.

"Besides, I couldn't stand the thought of the look on Kevin's face when he found out what'd happened. No matter what you say, he'd have felt like I betrayed him," he said, the tears starting to slide down again. "And I couldn't stand the thought of him looking at me like...like someone he hated or couldn't trust. Anyone else, maybe, but not him."

I stopped to consider what he'd said. Maybe he'd been right to leave. Maybe this was an example of `discretion being the better part of valor', allowing him to retreat a bit to prevent what could've been a pretty bad confrontation.

"So, what now, Nick?" I wondered. "You're in love with me. You've left the group. What do you do now?"

"I don't know, Dylan," he whispered after a brief pause. "I don't have any answers."

"Then come back with me, Nick!" I urged him, putting a hand on his arm to squeeze it in emphasis. "Come back to LA and work this out."

"I can't, Dylan," he said, again looking defeated. "I can't face Kevin...I can't face YOU and Kevin."

"You just gonna hang out in Joey's room for the rest of your life?" I asked, unable to prevent a note of sarcasm from creeping in. "What about the group? What about the other guys? Are you gonna just walk away from Backstreet? Over me?"

He didn't answer me. The silence in the room grew longer. All that I could hear was his harsh breathing and the beating of my own heart. I was saying a little prayer in my head that he'd answer me. I eventually gave up on that.

"Fine, Nick," I sighed, standing. I walked over to the door and placed my hand on the knob. "Remind me to thank you one day for allowing me to destroy five lives without even lifting a finger. I really do appreciate the experience," I whispered, then walked out.

To be continued...