Forever

Back by popular demand, here is (drum roll, please) Forever, chapters 12 & 13. Those who pay attention to such things will notice that this is substantially shorter than the last installment. That was cause the last one had a lot of build-up in it, and it would've seemed incomplete if I'd sent less. The size of the installments will vary, sometimes a lot, depending on where I wanna leave you hanging. As a reader, I despise a cliffhanger. But, as a writer, I'm discovering that they are sometimes necessary to build the fabric of the story.

I wanted to say last time (and forgot in my rush-to-post) that Dylan is actually based, in part, on me; however, there are some differences here and there. I'll let you decide which you think are or aren't me except for one. I'm fortunate to say that I do actually get along well with my parents. Most of Dylan's experiences with his folks are based on my own worst-fear situations before I came out to mine. Hope it doesn't take away interest in his situation to know that, but I felt it had to be said.

Repeated from last time:

Some of the stories I follow when I can are: Escape' & Choices', Separate Lives', Brian & Me', and recently Kevin & Justin'. If you get time, I really recommend em. They're the authors I tend to admire the most.

A note of advice: if you're looking for a lot of sex, look elsewhere. While there may be some sex going on, it will be later in the story. I can't really say when because the story seems to just evolve on it's own. I don't really set the pace.

Feel free to e-mail comments. Constructive criticism will be appreciated. I will try to answer, although it will be a little iffy depending on my schedule. I have more parts to the story than what is being posted here. If I get enough interest, I will continue to post them.

DISCLAIMER ----------

This story is completely in the mind of the author and is not intended to reflect the actual personalities or sexualities of the Backstreet Boys. If any member of BSB is gay, it's their life and their business, not mine. Don't read this story if you're too young in your corner of the world. Don't read this story if it's illegal in your corner of the world. No hamsters were harmed during the filming of this movie, etc. etc. etc.

And now.

Forever -------

Chapter 12

I took another look around the living room of my apartment, checking that everything was in place and looked ok. I had been tempted to light the candles I had around, but I figured that would scream `take me now!', so I thought I'd hold off. I loved candles on quiet evenings, so I had quite a few around.

The apartment was still pretty neat. I'd only lived there a month, and it took me at least a few to really wear a place in. Of course, the rental-beige carpet wouldn't have shown much in the way of dirt anyway. I suppose that's why some genius landlord had decided on it. Unfortunately, it was drab as hell.

I'd actually lucked out a bit on my apartment. It was more like a small townhouse. I was on the top floor of the building, of course, but my apartment was also two stories. The living room, dining room, and kitchen were on the main floor, along with a closet-sized bathroom that was so small you almost couldn't close the door. The second floor was a sort of loft, with one bedroom that had a half wall overlooking the living room and a second, smaller bedroom off to the side. About the only downfall of it was that the two bedrooms had to share the master bath.

I still had trouble believing how cheap property was in Florida. The same apartment in Denver would have easily cost twice as much, and it wouldn't have included the garage that mine here had. I was amazed that things could be so cheap here, yet the entire country wasn't beating down doors to move into the place. I guess I just got lucky.

I was starting to get `fidgety'. It was going on 8:00, almost two hours after Kevin had said he'd get there. I walked through the living room, past the dining room, and on to my small patio. It wasn't very large, but it could hold my barbeque grill and a few chairs for relaxing in the sun. Since it was just me for now, it was pretty much perfect.

I paced back into the dining room and over to the kitchen, checking on the steaks. I had also chopped up a few potatoes and wrapped `em in foil for the grill, as well as a whole onion smothered in butter, salt, and pepper. It was all just waiting for Kevin. Just like I was.

I finally heard a tap on the door. `About time,' I thought to myself. I took a second to compose myself, take a breath, relax, before walking out to the door.

I opened the door and almost forgot my own name. There he stood, wearing a form fitting black tank top and khaki cargo shorts.

"Hey, Kevin," I managed to get out.

"Yo, Dylan. Sorry I'm late, man. Our meeting ran really long."

The first thing that popped into my head was and what, you couldn't take five seconds and call on the cell phone?!?!' Figuring that this might be construed as clingy' and `obsessive', I decided against saying much.

"It's cool, man. I didn't pass out from starvation or anything, yet, so I think we're ok," I said, trying to get a smile out of him. It worked. Oh boy. "Come on in, Kev."

"Thanks. By the way, I stopped off and picked up something for dessert."

It was a good thing that his back was turned, as I think my eyes bulged all the way out of my sockets. I quickly tried to collect my thoughts, yanking myself away from all the images his statement had created in my head.

"Oh," my damn voice cracked. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Oh, really? What'd you get?"

"Just some cookie dough ice cream," he said.

"Hmmmm, steak and cookie dough ice cream. A winning combination, I'm sure!"

I led him into the kitchen and took the sack from him. I pulled out the ice cream and tossed it in the freezer. I looked in the bottom of the sack and saw a half rack of Corona.

"Damn, man, you tryin' to get me drunk again?" I said with a touch of sarcasm. He chuckled.

"No, I just figured I'd bring extra for next time."

Next time? He was already thinking of a next time? Man, I was getting into trouble here.

"Oh, sounds good to me. I'm gonna toss the potatoes on. They'll need to cook for a bit longer, anyway. You wanna sit outside?" I asked as I popped the tops off of two of the beers and handed one to him. I slipped the rest into the fridge.

"Yeah, sounds good. It's a gorgeous night, and, since we're leaving tomorrow, I won't get much chance to rest."

"That's right. I had forgotten about you guys having to take off. What time are you going?"

"We're supposed to be at the bus at 6:00 tomorrow evenin'. We're gonna drive over night. I hate sleepin' on the bus, but sometimes it's gotta be done."

"Yeah, I suppose it's not really all that comfortable sleeping on the road." I wasn't sure what else to say, as the subject seemed to bring him down a little. "Well, tonight you can just sit back and relax."

He sat in one of the patio chairs while I fired up the grill. I had already cleaned it off like six times tonight, so I didn't need to do any work beyond throwing the food on. I knew the potatoes and onion would take a while longer than the steak, so I settled in next to Kevin and just stared out over the edge of the deck.

We both just sat in silence for a minute. It was actually amazingly comfortable. In the distance, I could hear the hum of cars on the road, the occasional horn, that kind of thing. Above, the stars were beginning to shine. Tampa hadn't acquired Denver's pollution problems, yet, so they still had a pretty decent view of the stars from the city.

"Tell me about your family, Dylan," Kevin broke the silence.

"What?" I broke out of my zone. "I'm sorry, Kev, what'd you say?"

"I asked you to tell me about your family. We kind of touched on them the night we met, but you didn't seem like you wanted to talk. I'd like to know what happened."

I took a deep breath and looked back to the sky for a moment. I turned to Kevin, searching his face for.something. I wasn't sure what, exactly. Whatever it was, I apparently found it in those eyes.

I slowly started to tell him about my family. I talked about the close ties I'd always had with my mother. I told him about my older brother, Jeremy, and his wife, Kristin. I paused when I got to my dad.

"Um. Excuse me a minute, Kev. I'm gonna grab the steaks." I walked back in the house. I leaned up against the counter for a moment, taking long, slow, deep breaths and trying to decide how much more I should reveal.

So far, I'd managed to avoid the specific details of my falling out with my folks. While I was pretty sure that he knew I was gay from my behavior at dinner last night, I knew from experience that he may still have no clue. I was reluctant to say anything that might endanger our new friendship. I realized that it would be better just to get it out of the way now than to risk getting even more caught up in him, only to have him react negatively to it.

I grabbed the steaks from the fridge where they'd been marinating. I walked back out to the deck and lifted the lid on the grill, moving the potatoes aside and slapping the steaks on.

"How do you like yours done?" I asked without turning around.

"Medium's fine," he said quietly. I think he was wondering if I was mad that he'd asked such a personal question.

I closed the lid on the grill and turned around, meeting his eyes. I stared into them, again searching for something there. I pulled away and moved to the edge of the deck, leaning my back on the railing and looking down at my feet. They were pretty fascinating to me at that moment. I took a breath and slowly started telling him about Dad.

Dad and I had never been particularly close when I was growing up. He was a man's man. I used to jokingly refer to him as hunter- gatherer boy' cause he loved to hunt and ranch and do all those manly- man' things that I found pretty boring.

We fought a lot as I was growing up, mainly because of the stubborn streaks I mentioned before. There were several times when I thought we'd come to blows, but Mom was always there to intervene. Once I hit 6'5" around my thirteenth birthday, I never worried about a physical confrontation again. Being 5" taller than dad and outweighing him by a good 20# gave me a lot of confidence.

Once I went away to college, things improved between us, at least a little bit. I guess the fact that I wasn't around much anymore probably made it easier for both of us. After college, I got my job in Denver and moved even further away. Our relationship, while still tense, had settled into at least a civil one.

I reached over to flip the steaks, making sure they weren't burning, before I settled back against the railing.

"My relationship with both of my parents changed pretty drastically this last year," I said, pausing now as I was reluctant to continue.

"Why is that?" he asked. I looked up, again caught by the intensity of his eyes.

"Why do you want to know? I mean, we barely know each other, Kevin. Why is it important that you know this stuff?" I wasn't mad at him, and I tried to let him know that with my eyes and the soft tone of my voice. I just wanted to know why.

"Dylan, ever since we met, there's been.something about you. Something sad and almost a little lonely. Even last night, when we were all having a good time, I could see something in your eyes, something that spoke of some major pain inside you. There were a few times when y'all got quiet and your eyes were far away, as though the rest of you was far away, too."

He stood up and moved over to me, laying a hand on my shoulder for a second. I felt a shudder pass through me. I couldn't help it.

"I'd just like to know where that came from, and after your reaction to your mom in the hospital, I figured it was from your family," he finished his explanation.

I looked at him again for a minute, then down at my feet again.

"The steaks are probably done, Kevin," I said. I knew I was taking the coward's way out, but I just wasn't ready to deal with it right then. I needed a few minutes of breathing room to get my shit together.

I moved over to the grill and lifted the lid. The steaks were actually done. Good timing, I guess. I pulled everything off the grill and lowered the lid, turning the gas up to high to get the junk off before I stored it away.

I walked back inside the house, not looking over at Kevin at all. Somehow, our quiet night of relaxing had become something decidedly different. There was something hanging in the air between us. Part of me wanted to just grab him in my arms and kiss him until I couldn't breathe anymore. The other part of me wanted to run in terror and never look back. Unfortunately, I still had serious doubts about which part HE would want to be with.

I heard Kevin come in from the deck. He must've taken his shoes off, as all I heard was the padding of feet on the linoleum in the kitchen when he joined me there.

"Dylan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset y'all like this," he said, almost too quietly for me to hear him.

"Kevin, man, it's not your fault, ok? You were obviously just concerned and wanted to know what was up. I can't blame ya for that at all. Let's just eat dinner and see where we stand then, ok?"

I could feel him as he moved closer to me. It was almost like the air began to sing with energy as his body moved next to mine. I had never felt such a physical connection to anyone before. It scared me even more.

"That sounds good, man," he said, as he again put a hand on my shoulder.

We both dished up our food and took it back out on the deck. There wasn't a table out there, but the peace of the evening was something I needed, and something I think he enjoyed.

We basically ate in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable any more. It was just two friends, enjoying each other's presence, chatting unnecessary.

I knew I was going to tell him everything. I couldn't keep a relationship going with him unless I did. Even if he just stayed a friend, he was getting too close to me now. I felt like I was lying or hiding something from him if I didn't let him know. It had happened before when I got close to people, and I knew that it needed to happen again.

Once we were finished eating, I took a few minutes to clean up and get us fresh beers. Kevin stayed on the deck while I banged dishes around in the kitchen. Perhaps he sensed that I needed time to gather my courage. I didn't know why he did it, I was just thankful he did.

I moved back out on the deck, once again standing near the deck railing facing towards Kevin but unable to look at him. I took a deep breath and began what was probably the hardest coming out I had ever had.

"Kevin, there's a lot left for me to say, and, if you hold any value to this new friendship we seem to be developing, please let me finish it all before you say anything. Ok?" I looked up at him for the first time in a while. He didn't say anything, just nodded silently.

I turned away then, leaning against the deck rail and staring out towards the stars. I had always loved staring up at space. There was just something comforting knowing that, no matter what happened, the universe would continue on. Some people probably find that a little daunting, a show of how trivial we really are in the grand scheme of things. But, I preferred to think of it as a comfort that there was nothing we could do that would cause that great machine to stop working. I took a deep swallow of my beer and began to speak.

"Like I said earlier, my relationship with my parents changed pretty seriously earlier last year. It was July, and the family had gathered in a small town in western Montana to celebrate my brother Jeremy's wedding to his fianc‚ Kristin. They'd been together for nearly seven years, and I loved Kris like she was really the sister I never had. I was totally happy for them, as were my parents."

"But, there was something that I was hiding from them, something which had been eating away at my soul for years. I'd been hiding a pretty big secret from all of them for a long time, and I had decided that I couldn't do it anymore. So, the second night we were all together, still several days before the wedding, I got my parents, Jeremy, and Kris together and told them that I was gay."

I heard Kevin gasp, but I didn't look over at him. I couldn't because I knew I would never be able to keep going if I did.

"Their reactions were not what I'd expected. I had hoped that the wedding would be a happy enough occasion to help dampen the shock. I had also hoped that my parents would realize that Jeremy and Kris would be around to carry on the family name, to give them the grandkids they wanted and the nieces and nephews I'd always wanted."

"Mom just started to cry. Dad just sat there like he'd been kicked in the gut by one of his horses or something. Jeremy really didn't say anything. To my total surprise, Kristin got up almost immediately and came over and hugged me, telling me I had her total support, no matter what. I think Jeremy was a little shocked at that, but he got up, too, and moved over to us. He didn't hug me, which was fine with me since he and I'd never really been all that touchy-feely, but he did give me a pat on the back and tell me he was still my brother. He didn't say it outright, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he loved me."

"Dad just looked at us, staring almost through us for a while, then he asked us to leave. I was pretty surprised, as I'd been sure that he'd want to ask questions or gripe at me or something. He wouldn't meet my eyes, though, so I just followed Jeremy and Kris out of the room. Things were never the same after that."

"The rest of the week went by, and we all busied ourselves with the wedding `stuff'. Mom, Dad, and I never talked about what I'd told them, but as the days passed, I knew what their reaction was. I could tell by how they treated me. Or rather how they didn't treat me, since they chose to ignore me as much as possible."

"The wedding was great and went off without a hitch. After it was over, I pulled Jeremy and Kristin aside, wished them well, and let them know I'd made a decision. I was leaving that night for Denver. I hadn't wanted to miss the reception, but I couldn't deal with being made out as trash by my own parents. They understood, and I packed up my things and left without saying goodbye to anyone else."

"When I got back to Denver, things slowly returned to normal except I had no contact from my parents. I never got e-mails, they never called me, nothing. I'd apparently been drummed out of the family and not even told about it. There was no contact until the Sunday of Labor Day weekend."

I stopped here, unsure of myself again. What was coming was actually harder than what had passed. Kevin stood there, almost totally silent. I could feel his eyes on me, though. How was it I was becoming so in tune with this man? I took a deep breath, then another, and slowly continued my story.

"My grandmother, Elaine, had been battling cancer for most of the year. Up until this point, she had been winning the fight. But, a few days before, she'd gone into the hospital for a routine checkup when the doctors found a series of brain tumors, already in advanced stages. She was gone within a week. And I never got to say goodbye because my father refused to call me to let me know."

I could feel the hatred and anger boiling up inside, rivaling the sadness and aching loneliness that I could also feel. The tears that I'd managed to hold back for most of the story so far began to slide slowly down my face as I continued.

"It was Jeremy that called. He called to let me know that Gram had died. He told me the plans for the funeral, and that he was sorry that he hadn't called sooner. He'd had no idea that Dad would go so far as to withhold the fact she was dying from me. I told him not to worry about it. After all, it wasn't his fault."

"I packed up my suitcase and got on the road for northern Montana. Gram was going to be interred next to Grandpa, even though they had divorced just before his death 15 years ago. I guess it was her wish, as she'd never stopped loving him."

"The service was nice, from what I remember. It was held grave- side in the cemetery in Havre. It was a little cold, but bright and sunny. I knew Gram was watching us that day. I spent most of the service standing behind everyone, on the edge of the crowd, noticing all the couples and family members with arms around one another, offering each other what comfort they could. I had never felt so alone as I did at that moment."

"The folks had a reception of sorts after the funeral at the motel where we were all staying. There were quite a few people gathered, talking about Gram, exchanging fun stories and laughing or quiet stories and remembering her strength. Again, I found myself separated from them all, watching life from the sidelines, I guess you could say."

"Unfortunately, things didn't stay that way for long. Dad eventually came over to `talk' with me. I could see Jeremy watching us out of the corner of my eye, so I knew he was worried that something would happen. And it did."

"Dad and I got into a shouting match, right there in the middle of the living room of their motel suite. In front of everybody who was still there, which was quite a few people. Our stubborn streaks came through brilliantly, and my anger and grief drowned out what little common sense I still had at that point."

"During the course of our fight, I outted myself to everyone, but I didn't care. It was just another way to strike out at Dad, cause I knew he was embarrassed about me. Dad proceeded to tell me in very colorful terms what a worthless excuse for a son and a man I was. I pointed out what a pathetic excuse of a father I'd had, so it was probably genetic. He lost it and hit me. Hard. I was enraged beyond anything I had ever felt before. I put all of my weight behind one solid punch and ended up sending him through the glass door to the little patio area."

"And things just deteriorated even more from there. Jeremy managed to pull me away. I think the only reason I didn't kill Dad that day was because Kristin got in between him and I. Something in her face calmed me down. Once that happened, I grabbed my stuff, turned around, and walked out. I still haven't spoken with Dad, and I didn't see or speak to my mother again until I woke up in the hospital a few weeks ago."

I sighed, feeling totally drained. I had never tried to tell the entire story at one time before, not even to Lindsay. It took a lot outta me.

"And I haven't spoken to her since. So, basically, I'm gay, my parents have drummed me outta the family, I lost a woman who meant a great deal to me, and I moved here to try to start some kinda new life."

He didn't say anything. I knew he was still looking at me, as I could somehow feel his eyes. I was pretty much terrified of looking at him, scared to see what I might find in his eyes. So I just continued to look out at the horizon. And then his eyes were gone.

"I don't know what to say, Dylan."

"There's nothing you can say, Kev," I sighed. "But you asked about my family and now you know."

We stood in silence for a bit longer before I heard, and felt, him move.

"I should probably go."

I think I could actually feel the pieces of my heart as they splintered off. I had told him the secret. And he was walking out.

"Ok.I guess I'll.um.see you around.um.I guess," I stammered, trying to keep some strength in my voice. I didn't want him to realize how much this was hurting me.

"Yeah, sure. Bye." I could hear his footsteps as he walked to the door.

"Kevin," I said. He paused. Neither one of us turned around. "Don't forget your extra beer."

He didn't say anything. A moment later, I heard the front door shut. He had walked out of my life one more time. And this time, I had the feeling it was for good.

Chapter 13

My sleep was once again shattered by the ringing of the phone. I picked it up, quietly cursing the bastard technologists who had decided it would be a great thing to be able to communicate instantly with one another.

"What?" I practically snarled. I had slept very poorly the night before. I'd decided to finish off most of the extra beer that he'd brought. He hadn't taken it with him, despite my words at the end. Another stereotype bites the dust: crying in my beer. By the time I had actually cried myself to sleep, the sun was beginning to light up the sky.

"Um.is Dylan there?" a male voice asked.

"Kevin?" My sleepy mind tied the voice on the phone to Kevin's. Wishful thinking.

"No, man, it's Nick. Nick Carter. I got your number from Kev the other day and wanted to call and say hello." I could sense some hesitation in his voice, but I was in too much of a fog to care at that moment.

"Oh, yeah. Hey, Nick. How's it going?"

"Doing pretty good, man. What `bout you?" He was almost as peppy as Lindsay was. Where was my gun? Oh, that's right, I didn't own one.

"As well as can be expected, I guess," I said in a sad voice.

"Are you ok, D?"

"It's just been a really rough night, Nick. Sorry if I'm not too chipper this morning. Personal problems." My voice sounded tired even to me. I felt like I hadn't slept in weeks.

"Do you wanna talk `bout it?"

"That's what got me in trouble in the first place," I mumbled, not thinking he'd hear me.

"What was that, Dylan? I couldn't hear you."

"Nothing, Nick. Nothing important. I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather not get into it, especially since you're supposed to be leaving today, aren't ya?"

I managed to lift my head long enough to look over at my clock. 10:00am. Damn, not nearly enough sleep.

"Yeah, we're supposed to hook up with the bus later. We're driving overnight tonight."

"I know," I said, not realizing I'd have to explain HOW I knew.

"What? How do you know?"

"Kevin told me last night," I sighed, too tired to come up with a believable lie.

"Kevin? You two went out last night?"

"No, he just came over and we grilled some steaks up for dinner," I explained. `And then he tore my heart out, shredded it into tiny pieces, and tossed them over the deck for stray dogs to use as chew toys,' I added in my thoughts.

"Oh. That's cool. Kevin's a pretty cool guy," Nick said.

For some reason, that just set me off.

"Kevin's a fuckin' asshole, Nick!" I screamed. It all just came out before I could stop myself. "He came over, we ate dinner, I told him my parents disowned me because I was gay, and he bailed out of here so fast he left skid marks on my floor. A `pretty cool guy'," I laid on some thick sarcasm here, "wouldn't walk out on someone like that just because he finds out that someone is gay."

I paused for a breath. He just sat there. I didn't know if he was more stunned by the fact I was gay or the way I went off on him. And at that point, I really didn't give a rat's ass.

"And I'm sorry, Nick, but I just can't deal with this shit anymore. So have a fun trip, enjoy all the screamin' little girlies, and forget we ever met!" I slammed the phone down. As soon as that was done, I reached over and shut off the ringer before turning back and burrowing down into my covers.

It seemed I had barely drifted into a rough sleep when I heard a pounding on my door.

`Oh fer Chrissake, what now?' I thought to myself as I tossed back the blankets.

I managed to stumble downstairs without killing myself, or the cats that'd decided it would be good to park on the stairs and watch me take a dive.

I reached the door just as whoever it was started knocking again. I yanked it open hard and snarled "What?!?!"

"Jesus, kid, what crawled up your ass and died?" Lindsay's smiling face greeted me.

I stared at her a moment, debating whether I was up for this or not. She apparently made the decision for me as she pushed me aside and walked into the living room. It was about that time that I realized she was still dressed for work.

"Nothing, Linds. I'm really not up for a talk right now," I said as I walked past her and collapsed onto the couch, laying my arm across my eyes.

"Dylan," she said, suddenly pretty quiet, "Nick called me at work this morning. I'm not sure how he tracked me down, maybe through Kevin. But he told me what happened."

I felt the couch shift as she sat next to me. I turned to look at her, seeing the sympathy on her face. I lost it and started crying like I hadn't cried in a long time. I leaned up and she wrapped me in a hug. I needed it so badly.

I just continued to cry and hold on to her. I couldn't seem to stop. She just sat there and let me do it, too. She was a good friend. Eventually, there were just no more tears that could come.

"Dylan, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault," she apologized. I pulled back to look at her.

"What? What are you talking about, Linds? You didn't have anything to do with it," I told her.

"Yeah, I did. I encouraged you. I was sure he was flirting back with you the other night. I don't know how I misread him so bad," she tried to explain. I could see a glimmer of a tear in her eye as well.

"Don't be a dumbass, Linds. We both thought he was responding to me like that. I wouldn't have done what I did last night if I hadn't believed it needed to be done."

"Dylan, what did you do last night? Nick didn't have much in the way of details," she asked quietly. I think she was afraid of my reaction to reliving that fun night. I cringed a little at her mentioning Nick.

"Yeah, I slammed the door pretty hard on Nick this morning. I don't know why I did it. None of that was his fault. He was just trying to be nice. It's just when he said how Kevin was `a pretty cool guy' I lost it and I just couldn't stop myself," I rambled on. I could feel my control slipping again, so I stopped, trying to regain some balance. I started to explain what'd happened to Lindsay.

"Kevin called yesterday and asked if I wanted to go out for dinner. I was getting kinda tired of eating out, so I suggested steaks here. He seemed pretty excited at the idea," I began.

`Did I misread that excitement? Was it wishful thinking?' I thought to myself before I continued.

"We were having fun, joking around. Somewhere during our talk, he asked me to tell him about my family." I paused again to look in her eyes. "He was so sincere. He seemed to care so much. I thought, anyway." I looked away again, staring out the living room window. The sky was just beginning to darken, so I knew it was pretty late in the afternoon.

"So, I told him. Everything. Mom. Dad. Gram. All the details of what happened between all of us."

"Oh, man. You came out to him?" she asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I had to, Linds. For one thing, I couldn't really explain things about my folks without that detail. And for another." I trailed off for a moment, then started in a more quiet tone, "for another, I realized that I was falling for him. Hard. And I couldn't stand feeling like I was lying to him anymore."

I looked back into her eyes and saw the sympathy there. I just stared at her for a moment. I could feel the sadness start to drain away, replaced by something else. Anger. I stood up and began to pace the living room.

"Fuck!" I screamed, as loud as I possibly could. "Why couldn't they just leave well enough alone? Why couldn't their bus just trash my car and that be the end of it? Why did they have to go and insinuate themselves into my life? Why did HE have to come into my life? And why did he have to be such a fucking asshole?"

I picked up a ceramic pitcher from the top of the video cabinet. I stared at it a moment. Mom had made it for me years ago. She was always making things for us, for Jeremy, Kris, and I. She loved to craft, and she was really pretty good at it. For some reason, it just pissed me off even more.

It shattered into a million tiny pieces when it hit the opposite wall. It was pretty spectacular, actually.

`Just like my heart felt last night,' I thought as I stared at the small dent it had made in the wall when it impacted.

"Why did I have to fall in love with him?" I asked in a quiet voice. No one answered. I really didn't expect one, though.

I collapsed into a chair. Whatever energy I'd had was gone. All I could do was sit there, with my head resting in my hands, my eyes closed to the world.

I felt Lindsay's hand on my shoulder, but I didn't react at all. I couldn't. There was nothing left in me to care.

"Come on, Dylan," she said softly, as she helped me to stand. "Let's get you to bed."

I didn't respond, just followed her up the stairs and into my bedroom. She pulled back the covers and pushed me down in bed. I just sat there on the edge, not moving. She must've realized I was out of it, cause she pushed me over and moved my legs up onto the mattress. After she pulled up the covers, I could feel her stroking my hair. I closed my eyes. As I drifted into oblivion, I thought I heard her say something else.

"Oh, Kevin, how could you do this to him?"