Author's Notes --------------
My, how life changes in the space of a few days.
For those that I haven't e-mailed with recently, I'm pleased to announce that yours truly is about a second away from a very sweet job in sunny Orlando.
What does this mean to you, the devoted reader? Well, it means that DJ will be involved in moving himself and everything he owns 2,000 miles some time in the next two weeks. Which means that there is likely going to be a pause in the posting starting some time around next Thursday. Not sure of the details yet.
Hey, if any readers are from Orlando, drop me a line. I'd love to know the hot spots to check out. Like maybe Kevin Richardson's address. I need to start that stalking career soon ;-) (and for the record, I'm KIDDING!)
Anyway, I know you're all anxious for the story to continue. Thanks to one and all who wrote me. I always love to hear from you.
Disclaimer ----------
The story contained here is entirely in the (possibly unbalanced) mind of its author. As much as I might like to bear Kevin's children (which would be nothing short of a miracle), I have no idea if he or any of the other BSB is actually gay. Now that Kevin's engaged, I have a good idea that he's not. If any of the BSB read this story and are offended, they should certainly exercise their right to free speech and e-mail me to complain all about it. Readers should enjoy the fantasy, but remember that reality may be (and probably is) dramatically different.
Don't read this little tale of love if you're too young where you live. Don't read this little tale of love if it's illegal where you live. If either of those two things applies to where you live, I recommend that you MOVE!!!
Previously on 'Forever'...
It finally clicked in my brain. I knew what he was doing. Or I thought I did. I hoped...I prayed...that I was wrong. Because if I was right...
I flashed a look at Nick. He was still staring out at the crowd. I willed him to look at me, to shake his head `no', to let me know that I was wrong about this. That Kevin wasn't doing what I thought he was doing.
Unfortunately, Nick wasn't cooperating. Actually, none of the guys would look in my direction. They all had their well-practiced poses going, still looking relaxed and confident. And it was a lie on every one of them.
I looked over at Allen. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who'd been left in the dark about what the REAL announcement today was going to be. I also wasn't the only one who'd guessed Kevin's true intentions. And, if looks could kill, Kevin would've been splattered all over the wall by now.
"I've been keeping a secret from our public, one which I can no longer in good conscience keep. In a perfect world, this secret wouldn't matter, it wouldn't mean anything. But, this is not a perfect world. And," he finally looked at me, "the price of keeping it finally became too high." He looked back at the crowd.
"I said earlier that my engagement to Kari was a lie. The fact is that I AM engaged, but it's not to Kari," he stopped then. If I didn't know better, I'd have to have said that he was going for drama or something.
"I am engaged to someone I love very much, to someone who means the world to me." His eyes met mine. "To someone that I hope to someday marry," he paused again. Drama queen. "His name is Dylan."
And now...'Forever'...
Chapter 57
Chaos. Complete, total chaos. The reporters all surged out of their chairs and began screaming, all trying to get Kevin's attention. Flashes were going off so much I thought that the lights had permanently gotten that bright. And, in the center of it, the guys all sat, still looking cool and calm.
Allen was on his cell phone, yelling in a whisper if that was possible. He was furious. I guess I could understand it. The guys had basically gone around him and made an announcement that would have a drastic impact on their career. Now he had to pick up the pieces.
I...hell, I had no clue what I was doing. I couldn't believe that he'd done it. I couldn't even begin to imagine what this would mean. To him. To his career and the other guys. To us. Kevin finally spoke up.
"Alright, everybody. Calm down, please. You'll all get a chance to ask your questions. One at a time, please."
Eventually, the room quieted down. The flashes were still almost continuous. But, as people realized that no one was going to talk until some kind of order was established, they began to sit down, raising hands to get the attention of the guys. Once things were calmer, Kevin pointed to a woman near the front. She stood.
"Guys, Liz Presler, Rolling Stone. I'm curious what the rest of the group thinks about this...this revelation." She remained standing, waiting for them to respond. Nick went first.
"Look, Kev's our friend. We stand beside him in this. We've all known about Kev's...orientation for a while. When he decided he wanted to quit with the secret, he talked it over with all of us. And we all agreed to support him."
"See," AJ spoke next, "being gay, or bi in Kev's case," that raised an eyebrow or two, including mine. Why had he mentioned that? "That isn't something that you choose. It's just what Kev is. It's part of the whole package, part of what makes him our friend."
"Kev kept this a secret for years, ya know, for our sake," Howie stepped in. "For the sake of the group. Because, as much as we might want it to be different, society isn't big on guys like him in groups like ours. And, the fact is, if we wanted to succeed as a group, then Kev had to keep things a secret." Howie settled back after he spoke.
"It wasn't fair," Brian said. "We asked him to lie about himself, to keep a part of himself hidden away, for years. Just so that we could succeed. And he never complained, never lashed out at us for causing him to go through that. BSB was a dream come true for all of us. We all sacrificed a lot for it to happen. Kevin...Kevin gave up even more."
"We're a family," he continued, "no matter what else. We've been together for a long time. And we'll still be together when the dust settles from this."
"I'd like to say something else here, too," Kev said. "I would like to say `thank you' to the other guys here. I know that my little announcement today is going to impact their lives as much, if not more than, my own. I just want to say here, publicly, that I appreciate all their love and support." Brian put a hand on his shoulder.
"I would also like to offer up apologies," he continued. "I want to apologize to our fans, to all the people out there who are going to feel like we...like I'VE betrayed their trust. While being in love with another man isn't something I'm ashamed of, lying about it is. I'm sorry for having deceived them, for portraying myself as something I'm not."
"But, most of all, I want to apologize to my fiance, Dylan." My heart surged when he said that. I never thought I'd hear him say that in public. Especially not to a crowd of reporters like this. I couldn't stop a tear from sliding down. I quickly wiped it away, hoping no one would notice.
"I'm sorry that I've had to keep him hidden. I'm sorry that I've had to behave in public as though I were with someone else. I'm sorry that I've had to act like he was some dirty little secret just to satisfy others." He paused here again, gathering his thoughts.
"I'm not na‹ve. No matter how much the world is changing, I know that this is going to affect us, affect how we're perceived by the public. I hope that our fans can accept this, that they can forgive me for the deception. I love being a Backstreet Boy," he paused, "almost as much as I love Dylan." We both blushed then. "And I want nothing more than to keep on singing, keep on entertaining."
"Ladies and gentlemen," Allen stepped up, then. "I'm sorry, but that's all we have time for today. The guys have a busy schedule, and they need to get to their next appointment. Thank you for coming."
The reporters were obviously not happy about the sudden end to things. Every one of them stood and started yelling questions at the guys again, trying to get them to answer as they all lined up and walked out of the room. Allen grabbed my arm and yanked me out after them.
"Take your hand off of me or I'll remove it for you...permanently," I snapped, jerking my arm free from Allen's hand. He looked at me like he wanted to snap back. I gave him the coldest look I could, that one that makes the vacuum of space feel like a summer day in Arizona. I guess I still had the touch, cause he got the message and wisely kept his mouth shut.
I walked into the office where the guys had been waiting earlier. Kev was standing to the side, staring out the window. Nick and Brian were on the couch. AJ and Howie were nowhere to be seen.
I moved over to Kevin, placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn't look at me, but he did move a hand up to rest on mine. I squeezed his shoulder.
I felt very unsure of myself, of what to do now. Kevin had just put his entire career, his hopes and dreams, on the line. All because of me. He spoke up then.
"Could you guys give us a few minutes, please?" he asked softly.
"Kevin," Allen spoke, "we really need..."
"Oh, shut the hell up, man," Nick broke in. "Jesus, give him a minute. Did you leave your heart in your other suit or what?" He grabbed Allen by the arm as he and Brian walked out of the office.
The minute the door shut, he was in my arms. He grabbed hold of me like a lifeline. I felt a sob rack his body, then another. I put my arms tightly around him, rubbing my hands up and down his back.
"God, D, what've I done?" he whispered against my neck. "What have I done?" He continued to cry, his strong body trembling in my arms.
I moved, slowly shifting us over to the couch. I sat down, leaning against the arm of the couch. I kept Kevin wrapped tightly in my arms. When we finally settled, he was laying on the couch with his face buried in my neck and his arms wrapped around my back.
I'm not sure how long we sat there, or how long he was crying. I could barely remember ever seeing tears come from him, much less for this long. I was beginning to get worried when he finally started to quiet down, to regain his control.
"You're gonna be ok, Kev. Everything's gonna be alright," I whispered into his ear, pressing my lips there. I tried to make my voice a lot more certain than I actually felt.
"God, I hope so, D. I hope this wasn't a huge mistake," he said, his voice as quiet as mine.
"Kev," I started, then paused. "Why'd you do it, baby? Why'd you take the chance?" He sighed against my neck before he pulled back to look at my face.
"I had to, Dylan. I couldn't lose you," he said.
"I was afraid you might say that," I said, turning away.
"Why?"
"Kev," I stopped. I wasn't sure I should say this, if I wouldn't be causing more harm than good if I brought it up. "What happens if this goes bad? If you announced you were gay because of me, what happens if everyone turns against you?" I looked back at him. "What happens if you lose your career, your dreams, because of me?" I stopped to take a deep breath.
"You're gonna blame me for `making' you do this, and then," I paused again. "And then I'm gonna lose YOU because of it."
"Dylan, that's not gonna happen," he said. "I'm not gonna blame you for this, alright? You may've been what really decided me on it, but the fact is that this is somethin' I've thought of doing for a while."
I stared into his eyes, hoping that he was telling me the truth. If he did this because of me, and lost everything because of me...I wasn't sure I'd be able to live with that guilt.
"The night I proposed, you told me that you'd never met anyone that you'd considered marrying, never met anyone that meant enough to you to consider a lifetime commitment with," he said. I nodded, recalling the conversation.
"Until I met you, D, I had never met anyone that I considered worth taking this chance for. I've always considered the idea of coming out, but before now, it was never worth the risk," he said. "And now, with you, it is."
"I hope you're right, Kev...I really hope you're right," I whispered, closing my eyes and leaning my head down.
We sat there for a while longer, Kev still held in my arms. Once we stopped talking, he relaxed against my chest again. I was a little relieved, as it meant that his eyes weren't on mine. I didn't want him to see the turmoil there.
I thought about it for a while, about everything that had happened. I tried to consider all of the ramifications of his actions today, but there were just too many things to worry about. I finally decided that maybe, this time, I should just try to let things happen and deal with them as they came.
"I love you, Dylan," Kev's voice floated up to my ear.
"I love you, too, Kev," I whispered back, kissing the top of his head where it rested near my chest.
We were interrupted by a tapping on the door. AJ stuck his head in before we could respond. He looked a little shocked at Kev's appearance, but he recovered pretty quickly.
"Hey, guys, the MTV news brief's coming on soon. We thought you might wanna try to catch what they say," he said.
Kev and I both nodded. AJ ducked back into the hallway for a second before opening the door all the way. Nick, Brian, and Howie all followed him in. Allen was nowhere in sight, thankfully.
AJ walked over to a cabinet on the wall, which turned out to house a TV. He flipped it on and surfed around until he found MTV. Kevin shifted in my arms, turning slightly so he could see the TV, but not leaving my arms any more than he had to. I lightly squeezed him, just to let him know I was there.
"Here it is, guys," AJ said.
"I'm Kurt Loder, and this is an MTV news brief. In a rather stunning press conference that ended just moments ago in their hometown of Orlando, pop super sensations the Backstreet Boys had a few interesting revelations for their fans. The conference began with Kevin Richardson stating that the recent announcement of his engagement to Kari Rutherford was false. The reason? It seems Richardson is already engaged...to another man."
"He revealed during the half hour conference that his engagement to Rutherford was a cover, something which he deeply regretted. He admitted that he was engaged to a man, so far known only by his first name of `Dylan', and that he hoped to marry some day."
"His fellow Backstreet members had only positive things to say. None seemed overly concerned with the news. Several members expressed regret that Richardson had lived `in the closet' for so long because of the group's success."
"Richardson did take a moment to apologize to his fans, saying he wasn't ashamed for his feelings, but he was ashamed that he'd deceived them, that he'd portrayed himself as something he wasn't."
"While Richardson isn't the first member of a boyband to come out, he's easily the biggest. Some may remember that Stephen Gately, member of the popular European group Boyzone, came out just over a year ago. While the announcement doesn't appear to have damaged Gately's career substantially, the feelings of Richardson's larger American fanbase remain in question."
"There has been little or no reaction as of yet to the announcement, but more is expected as the news spreads further. MTV will continue to track the story as information becomes available. That's the news for now, stay tuned at 10 to the hour, every hour, for more MTV news."
AJ hit the mute on the TV and started surfing. Everyone just sat around for a moment before Brian spoke.
"Well, that went pretty well," he said.
"Yeah. And, just think, Kurt Loder thinks you're the biggest boyband member to ever come out," I said, nudging Kev to give him a dose. He smiled a little, but his eyes were still troubled.
"Well, don't go gettin' a swelled head or nothin', Kev," Nick spoke up. "After all, there's only been two boyband members who've come out, so bein' the biggest isn't necessarily a big deal." He had a smile on his face.
Allen walked in then. I hated the fact that he didn't knock, even if it was his office. My annoyance with him might've had something to do with the look of disgust on his face when he noticed Kev and I. I just turned on the cold look until he turned away. I didn't want him bothering Kev any more than necessary.
"We need to talk," he said. The guys just leaned back in their chairs and nodded. Kev didn't say or do anything.
"What the hell were you thinking, going out there and telling everyone you're gay?" the words just seemed to fall out of his mouth. I felt Kevin stiffen in my arms. If Allen had been close enough, I would've given him a swift kick.
"Maybe he was thinking that he was sick of hiding who he was," Brian spoke. "Maybe he was remembering the fact that he was brought up better than that, that he was raised to be proud of himself."
"I don't care!" Allen practically snarled. "Do you realize the position this puts me in?"
"This has nothin' to do with you, man. This is a family matter," Nick said.
"That's a load of crap, and you know it, Nick," Allen said. "I'm the one who's going to have to pick up the pieces from this. I'm the one who has to deal with the fallout."
"You reap what you sow, Allen," Brian said. There was almost a smug note in his voice. I was getting the feeling that there wasn't a lot of love for Allen in the room.
"Like it or not, Allen, if you hadn't insisted that Kevin fake an engagement, none of this would've even come up," Howie put in his two cents. "The reason Kev even started talking to us about it is because of that stupid engagement," he said. He turned to look at Kev, who was staring off into nothing. "The fact is that I, for one, am glad that he doesn't have to hide it anymore."
"I can't believe you, any of you! Don't any of you have a clue what this is going to mean? 90% of your fans are young women. Teenage girls who go to bed at night staring at posters of you on the wall, dreaming about being your wife and living happily ever after with you."
"It was bad enough when you got engaged, but at least there was still that chance, that hope, that it could happen for them. Enough to keep `em buying your posters and your cards and your calendars, not to mention your albums and your concert tickets."
"Now, you've gone and basically cut them out of it. You're involved with another man, for God's sake. How do you think all those little girls are gonna feel now?"
"Jesus, of all the stupid, lame-brained, idiotic," he rambled on for a moment longer, but I tuned it out. All I was focused on was Kevin. I could feel him twitch with every nasty word Allen spoke, like someone was hitting him. I quickly had enough.
"Allen, if you don't shut the fuck up right now, I'm going to make it my mission in life to ensure that every trace of you is eliminated from the human gene pool," I said, my quiet, cold voice slicing into his tirade. All eyes turned to me. Except Kevin, who just continued to stare at the wall. I stared at Allen, locking gazes with him.
"Kevin did what he felt he had to do. He talked it out with the guys because they're his family, and he looks to them for support in tough times. They are also going to be directly affected by this decision a helluva lot more than anyone else is."
"There was no reason to discuss it with you, cause from the sounds of things, you don't have his interests at heart, you have yours." I eliminated every trace of emotion from my voice, pulling out the coldest, cruelest sound I could manage.
"Now, you are going to quit this little tirade of yours. You are going to sit down, and calmly discuss with the guys here what should be done next. That is, after all, your JOB. You are going to remember that there are actually people in this room who have feelings, and you are going to consider all of your words very," I paused, staring daggers into his eyes, "VERY carefully." I paused again, still holding his eyes with mine.
"Or, you are going to leave this room, walk out of this building, and run for that pathetic excuse you call a life. Because I`ll be two steps behind you. And I WILL catch up to you if you EVER do or say ANYTHING to hurt him again."
I held his eyes. The silence in the room was thick. No one was even breathing that I could hear. I put every ounce of intimidation, arrogance, and venom that I could muster into that gaze. As much as I might hate using those weapons, there was no way I would allow the little weasel to make this any harder on Kev.
"Do I make myself perfectly," I paused, "crystal," pause again, "clear?"
Allen stared back at me. He tried to look like he wasn't shaken, but I had him now. I could see the doubt in his eyes. He was wondering just how far I would take this. I stared harder, letting him know exactly how far I would go.
He let out a little gasp, caught himself then cleared his throat. He looked away, barely nodding. I continued to stare death at him, catching his eye for another moment when he glanced back my way. He didn't do it again.
I turned away and grabbed Kevin tighter, running a hand through his hair. My touch seemed to rouse him a bit, as he turned his face to my neck, settling against me again.
I saw Nick shake himself a bit out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and met his gaze, giving him a little smile. He returned it, although he looked a little nervous. I guess he was a little shocked at how I'd acted.
Frankly, so was I. But, I couldn't sit there and listen to that jackass tear Kevin apart for doing this. Especially considering that it was largely my fault that he'd done it. My protective instincts had kicked in, and Allen had been hurting what was mine.
"Now," I said, my voice fairly quiet and closer to normal again, "if you want my opinion, I think you guys should just wait a day or two. Let the info get out to everyone. Put up an announcement on the website so people who missed the news today can get a chance to read what y'all said. And see what happens."
"I agree," Nick spoke up. "I think we should just hold off on a big reaction. If we go out there making announcements and stuff, people'll think that we're worried about it, or that we don't have faith in them to do the right thing."
The other guys nodded, mumbling the occasional `yeah'. I guess that meant that my idea had been accepted. They agreed to wait until the weekend to see what the fallout was going to look like.
"Then, if y'all don't mind, I'd like to take Kev home now," I said.
"He rode over with me, Dylan," Brian said, "so you don't have to worry about getting his car home."
"Well, that's one problem solved, then," I paused, realizing I had another one. "Now if one of you could tell me how to get to his house from here, I'd be set," I said, smiling to the guys.
Chapter 58
Kevin was a little out of it on the drive home. I had figured he might be, which was why I'd asked for directions. Fortunately, his cousin did a very good job of telling me how to get to his place.
I pulled up into the driveway and cut the engine. I turned to see him leaning up against the door with his eyes closed. He looked very peaceful, so I guessed he'd managed to fall asleep.
I hated to wake him up. He looked so comfortable finally. But, I knew that I wasn't really up for carrying him inside and up the stairs. So, I gave in and gently shook his shoulder.
"Kev, we're home," I said. His eyes blinked and came into focus. He turned over to me. The look in his eyes hit me like a physical blow. I reached up to touch his face, but he didn't really respond.
We walked up to the door. Kev reached into his pocket, pulling out his keys and handing them to me. He just stared at the ground while I searched through them, trying several until I found the one that unlocked the door. He followed me inside.
As the door closed, I reached out and grabbed his arm. I pulled him to me and put my mouth to his. I tried to give him the most loving, passionate kiss I'd ever given him. I was hoping it might snap him out of the funk he was in.
At first, he didn't respond. But, a few moments later, he opened up to me, sliding his arms tightly around me and returning my kiss with equal passion. We continued for several more minutes before separating.
"You better now?" I whispered to him.
"Yeah, thanks. I needed that," he replied, just as quiet.
"How `bout I whip us up some dinner?" I asked, letting my voice return to normal.
"Would you mind if we ordered a pizza or some Chinese instead? I'd kinda like it if we could just...if we could just be together for a bit," he said. His voice was still pretty quiet.
"Sure, sweetie. Sounds good to me," I replied.
He pulled away from me, then. He didn't give up his grip on my hand, but he did turn and head down the hallway. We walked into the den. He dug a phone book out of his desk and grabbed the cordless from its base before leading me back out into the hallway and moving into the living room. He set the phone book and phone onto the coffee table in front of his couch.
Kev turned and slipped off his shoes, so I did the same with mine. I moved to lie on the couch, but he stopped me. He reached his hands to my waist, pulling my Polo shirt from my slacks and sliding it up over my head. He made similar short work of his own shirt.
He lay down on the couch, shifting over on his side so his back was against the cushions. He lightly tugged on my wrist, letting me know where I was currently wanted.
I moved onto the couch with him, lying down on my back. Kevin shifted a little so his weight was more on top of me. He moved his head to its favorite resting place just above my shoulder, his lips pressed into my neck.
He wrapped his arms around me, sliding one along my arm and locking our hands together. He also shifted his legs onto mine, twining us all together.
"Thank you, Dylan," he whispered against my neck. The feel of his breath, combined with the warm, silky smooth feel of his chest against my body, sent a shiver down my spine.
"There's nothing to thank me for, Kevin," I said back.
"Yeah, there is. Having you there today meant a lot to me. I don't think I'd have been able to go through with it if you hadn't been there."
"Hmmmm, maybe I should've stayed at work today, then," I said, only partially joking. He quickly picked up on my not-so-funny tone and shifted up to search my eyes.
"Dylan," he asked, "Are you sorry I did it??"
"No, Kev, it's not that. Really." I paused. "I'm just worried is all, I guess. This is gonna be a really big deal for you, and for the other guys. I'm just a little concerned about what's gonna happen for you next. I don't want you to get hurt."
That apparently set him more at ease. He lay his weight back down on me, snuggling up tight and once again putting his head on my shoulder.
"Dylan, sweetie, as long as you're with me, then nothin' that'll come of this is gonna be enough to hurt me. Havin' you here means the world to me." There was a long silence.
"Kev, I need to ask you something," I said. I felt him nod. "If having me here meant so much, then how come you didn't talk to me about it? Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?" I felt him stiffen a little.
"Because," he whispered, "I knew you'd try to talk me out of it. Even though it was the right thing to do, even though I knew how much the secrecy was hurting you, I also knew that you'd be the one arguing the hardest for me to stay in the closet if you thought it was the best thing for me."
I shuddered a bit at how well he knew me. He was exactly right. Inside, I would've been thrilled at his decision. But, I would've fought tooth and nail to get him to keep it a secret if it meant preserving his dreams. I would've been too afraid of the responsibility for anything bad that happened.
"But, this IS what's the best thing for me, D. I wouldn't have made this decision if it weren't the right one. I didn't just go to the guys to talk about this because of how it would affect them. I went to them because I knew that, no matter what, I could trust them to give me an honest opinion. If they thought I was making a horrible mistake, then they would've told me."
"The guys and I actually spent like all night on Tuesday talking about this. We went back and forth for hours, trying to figure out the consequences of me coming out. Or not coming out. And the whole situation with Kari." He leaned up to look at me again.
"Dylan, I love you. More than I can even come up with the words to tell you. But, I also know that, if you thought there was even the slightest chance that this would backfire, you'd have argued `til you were blue in the face to keep me from going through with it."
"The guys are protective, too, but they'd still be able to separate from that if they thought it was the right thing to do, even if it was the hardest of the choices. Like it or not, this is gonna impact you and me a whole lot more than it will them. I just thought I could trust their opinions not to be as emotionally driven as yours or mine."
I thought about it for a bit. I'll admit, I was a little bothered that he hadn't talked to me first. It was a huge decision, one that would impact me as well as him. Maybe the impact to my life would be less, but it was still something that I felt like I deserved a voice in.
Kevin was still hovering over me, looking down at my face. Knowing him, he was probably reading every thought that crossed my mind. It was almost eerie at times how well he could read me. It was also comforting to know how connected we were.
"Look, Kev, I won't lie to you. It bugs me that you didn't talk to me about something this major before you did it," I said. He opened his mouth to speak, but I lifted a finger to his lips. "But, I can understand why you did." I paused a second before admitting the rest.
"And, the fact is that you're right. I would've argued with you pretty forcefully about it. I would've been too scared of the consequences to take the risk with your career, not to mention the other guys. And, it probably would've led to a pretty major fight if you'd gone ahead with it against my wishes. Now that you did it already, I guess I can accept it and move on."
He smiled a little, the relief apparent on his face. He was obviously glad that I'd said he did ok. I doubted he'd ever admit it, but it was clear to me that he was in a pretty fragile state of mind at the moment. Deep down, I think he was even more scared than I was, and, for better or worse, I was his stability right now. I was helping hold him together.
I lifted my free hand and ran it through his hair, lightly stroking the short, dark locks before I slid to the back of his neck. I gently put a little pressure on him, letting him know he should relax and lay down again. He did, the small smile still on his face.
We lay there for a while, each lost in our own thoughts. Even though I'd said I wouldn't, I was dwelling on what was to come. On all of the things that were going to change now that Kevin had announced everything. His stomach broke in on my thoughts with a loud rumble.
"Hungry, baby?" I asked, laughing softly. He snuggled up closer and just kind of mumbled a yes. "Do you want pizza?" Another mumbled yes.
I reached out a hand, barely able to reach the phone on the coffee table. I started to shift over to grab at it, but Kev immediately tightened his grip on me. I guess he wasn't in the mood to give up his current comfortable spot. I managed to fumble a little and drag it close enough to grab.
"Do you know the number?" I asked. He shifted slightly, enough to allow him to say the number quietly into my ear. Then he dropped back and snuggled into me again.
I dropped the phone on the floor once the order was in. We had about half an hour to kill before it got there. I noticed the time and remembered something.
"Hey, Kev, the news is probably on. Did you wanna watch and see if there's any stuff about you guys?" I asked.
"Us," he mumbled.
"Huh?" was my intelligent reply. He shifted his mouth away from my neck more, allowing him to talk more clearly.
"Us. The news might have stuff about `us', not just me and the guys. You're part of this, too, remember? My fiance, the mysterious Dylan," he said. I could hear a note of humor in his voice. I was glad, cause I'd been worried at how out of things he'd still seemed.
"Ok," I said, smiling myself. "Did you want me to flip on the news and see if there's anything about US on?" He giggled a little and nodded.
I managed to snag the remote from the coffee table without disturbing his highness too much. I hit the power, then surfed around until I found some local station.
The news had barely started. They were recapping the day's major events. The usual mayhem and madness from places I'd never seen, along with the occasional political note since the campaigns were all still going strong. I sat bored through most of it, until the segment just after the weather.
"And some rather surprising news in the music world today. Hometown artists, the Backstreet Boys, stunned fans when one of their number announced that he was involved in a gay relationship." Kev stiffened a bit. I rubbed his arm. "Kevin Richardson, the oldest member of the group, announced at a press conference today that he was currently engaged to another man."
"The four remaining members of the group, Brian Littrell, Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, and AJ McLean, all expressed support for Richardson's decision, stating that they were glad he no longer had to hide for the sake of the group, and that they would stand by him in the time ahead."
They cut to a shot of the press conference then. I hadn't noticed cameras from this station in the room, but they did have some footage of the `event'. They showed a clip from Kev's statement, then bits and pieces of the guys' reactions before returning to the studio shot.
"Local reaction seems to be pretty mixed at this point. While a number of local Christian and family values organizations have already come forward to condemn Richardson and the group, there have also been a number of favorable reactions from advocacy groups, as well as those in the music industry."
"It remains to be seen whether or not one of Orlando's most popular musical groups will be able to stay afloat through what is sure to be a storm of controversy."
I hit mute at that point and started surfing around for MTV. When I found it, I dropped the remote. I wasn't really interested in watching what was on, but I figured we could leave it there until the MTV news came on.
The ringing of the phone caused me to jump slightly. I reached down and answered to hear the voice of the delivery guy. He was at the gate and needed access. Kev gave me the code to open the gate, which I punched into the phone.
Kevin started to shift, as though he was going to stand. I laid a hand on his shoulder, stilling him before I slid off of the couch. I grabbed my shirt and walked to the front door. I waited until I heard him knock.
When I opened the door, it was to a flurry of flashes and shouts. I immediately lifted a hand to shield my eyes, as I was nearly blinded by the sudden light show.
Amid the chaos stood the pizza guy. I'm not sure how he'd managed to get up through all of the people in Kevin's yard, but he was waiting there, obviously wondering what the hell was going on.
I quickly dropped some cash on him and grabbed the pizza. I turned away and slammed the door, leaning up against it. I was still a little dazed, not to mention shocked that all those people had gotten on to the property. So much for security.
I walked back to the kitchen and grabbed some paper towels. I figured we could eat right out of the box. It was pizza, after all.
"Kev, there's a swarm of reporters outside," I said as I walked back into the living room.
"What?" he asked, leaning up to get a better look at me. I just nodded.
"Yeah, I'm not sure how they got in, but they're there. I didn't get a good count of how many, but there was enough."
"Damn," he sighed, sitting up and reaching for the phone. He quickly dialed Allen's number. His brief conversation was noticeably tense as he requested that Allen send over a handful of security personnel. Kev was concerned about people prowling around the house.
"What an ass," I heard him mutter as he hung up. I walked over and sat next to him on the couch, setting the pizza down on the coffee table.
I turned to Kev, noting the sad look again on his face. I decided I was tired of seeing that. And that the pizza could wait a moment.
I reached over and placed a hand on his cheek, gently turning his head up to look at mine. Once I had his eyes locked on mine, I slowly started leaning into him. I moved closer and closer until our lips finally met.
The kiss was warm and gentle. I lightly brushed my lips over his, barely even getting contact. I felt his arm move as he shifted a hand to cup my cheek as I was doing to his.
When he did, he started applying more pressure, pulling our faces tighter together. I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip, obviously seeking entry. I was glad to oblige, opening my mouth to him.
The kiss deepened, then, as Kevin moved over and began pushing down on my body, urging me to lay down under him. We shifted our bodies, me moving mine all the way onto the couch and him moving in between my legs to settle on top of me. And we managed to do it without our lips separating.
We did separate a moment later so that Kevin could lift my shirt over my head. He was on me an instant after that, though, pressing his hot skin onto mine as his mouth again laid claim to me.
Our moment of passion was cut short by the loud rumbling of his stomach. I tried desperately not to, but I couldn't help breaking out in laughter. He, of course, joined a second after that, and we both ended up laughing hysterically.
"You need to train that thing better, baby. Let it know there's a time and a place for everything, and this is NOT the time and the place for it to interrupt," I said, laughing still.
"Yeah, I know. I can't help it, though. I was too nervous to eat lunch today, so I'm starvin'," he said, the smile still on his face. I reached up a hand to touch his lips.
"It's good to see you smiling," I said. "I haven't seen that enough today."
"Sorry, sweetie," he spoke softly. "I'll try to do it more often for ya."
"I'd like that," I said, leaning up for a brief kiss. "Now, let's get some food into that bottomless pit you call a stomach, ok?" He just chuckled and shifted off of me so we could sit up.
Kev opened the pizza box while I grabbed the remote control and turned on the sound on the TV. It was an ad for tonight's episode of `Loveline'. Frankly, the show had never really appealed to me, but once in a while it was a kick.
I reached over and grabbed a slice so I could start stuffing my face. Kevin was already most of a slice ahead of me. Pig.
Chapter 59
"Oh hell," I said.
"What?" Kev asked.
We were cuddled up on the couch again. I'd muted the TV when we finished eating. We'd talked a bit here and there, but, mostly we just lay together. Until I noticed my picture on the screen.
I quickly hit the `mute' button on the remote, motioning with it to point Kev's attention as Kurt Loder's voice came out at me.
"but sources close to the Backstreet Boys have identified the man as Dylan Weston, a computer programmer from Tampa. Apparently, Richardson and Weston met early this year when the Boys' bus rear-ended Weston's car on the freeway north of"
I hit mute again. Damn, how did they find out about me so fast? The picture was from the press conference. Someone HAD noticed my behavior there at the back of the room. But I hadn't seen anyone take my picture.
"Man, Dylan, I'm sorry," Kev whispered.
I didn't say anything. I was still staring at my picture on TV. It went to commercial a few seconds later, but I continued to stare. I wasn't ready for this, ready to be plastered on TV's and websites around the world. Probably with crosshairs painted on my face.
"Dylan?" Kev's voice had a worried tone. I shook myself a little, looking down at him and away from the TV.
"Yeah?"
"You ok?"
"I guess. I hadn't really been expecting this so soon is all," I replied. My voice was quiet, soft. He stared at me a moment.
Suddenly, Kev lifted off of me and moved away. He walked out of the room. I wasn't sure where he was going until I heard his feet on the stairs. I quickly got up and followed.
I heard a door shut as I made my way upstairs. I looked down the hall to his room and noticed that his door was now shut. I walked up to it and knocked.
"Kev?" I asked. I didn't hear an answer, so I tried the knob. It opened, and I walked into his room.
The room was fairly dark. The sun had gone down a short while ago, and the ambient light coming in through the curtains wasn't enough to brighten the room beyond a dim glow.
I looked towards the bed. He wasn't on it. I walked over closer, wondering if he was in another room up here. Then, I heard him crying.
I turned, finally realizing that the shadow in the corner wasn't a shadow. It was Kevin, sitting with his knees drawn up and his head on his arms across the knees.
"Kev?" I asked. He didn't move. I quickly shifted down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He moved then, jerking away from me and trying to crawl even further into the corner.
"Baby, what is it? What's wrong?" I was getting worried now. In the months we'd known each other, I'd almost never seen Kevin cry. Now, today, he'd broken down several times. I knew he had good reason to be upset, but it still had me worried.
I moved in closer, again trying to put a hand on his shoulder. This time, he pushed me away, hard enough to knock me off balance. I fell back on my butt, catching myself with one hand.
"Don't," he whispered.
"What? Kevin, what's wrong?"
"Don't touch me."
"What? Kev, why not?"
"Don't you get it, Dylan? Don't you understand what I did?"
"What, Kev? What'd you do?"
"I ruined your life, man. I ruined the other guys'. I fucked everything up today by coming out like that."
I understood then. He was back in blame mode, focusing on all of the things that could possibly go bad and taking all the responsibility for it on himself.
"Kev, baby, you didn't ruin anyone's life today," I said. "I wish I could make you understand that. We all love you, me, the guys, all of us. You did the right thing today, even if I was a little too thick to figure that out before."
I reached out to touch him. He stiffened and flinched away, but he didn't push like he'd done before. I slowly eased in close to him and put my arm across his shoulder.
"Kev, by doing what you did today, you opened the door for you and I to be together. Sure, maybe not in the traditional sense, but it still means the world to me that you were willing to do what you did for me."
I tried to pull him in closer to me. He resisted, not letting me get any more contact with him. I was at a loss. I wasn't sure what I could do to bring him out of this.
"Please, Kev. It's been a long day. We've both been on some wild roller coaster, each constantly worryin' about what's happened and what's gonna happen and who's to blame for whatever happens."
"The fact is, baby, that all our worrying doesn't matter. Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen," I said, pausing for a moment. "I don't know `bout you, love, but I'm tired. Please," I stopped, shifting my hand to lift his face. The light from outside wasn't much, but it was enough to see the tearstains on his cheeks, the torment in his eyes. I tried to start again.
"Let's just climb into that big bed over there, ok? We can hold each other, talk if we need to, and eventually get some sleep. I think it'd do us both some good. Please?"
He stared at me a moment longer, finally nodding. I stood up, then took his hand and lifted him up, too. I moved him over to the bed and stripped the rest of his clothes off. I pushed him down on the bed. I started to walk away, but he grabbed my hand.
"Where're you going?" he asked.
"Just downstairs. I left the TV on."
"Forget about it," he said. "Please?"
"Sure, Kev," was all I replied. I quickly got out of my pants and boxers. I slid into bed next to him. About half a second later, we were tangled together, Kevin once again holding on to me for dear life.
"Dylan, I'm sorry," he started. I put a finger to his lips.
"No, Kev. No more apologies, no more blame. We're in this together, no matter what. I'll help you deal with whatever comes from today as best I can," I paused, a smile on my face, "and you and the guys get drafted to help me deal with my newfound fame." He paused for a second, obviously thinking.
"Deal," he sighed.
"I love you, Kevin Scott Richardson," I whispered, lightly kissing the top of his head.
"I love you, too, Dylan," he paused. "I don't know your middle name," he said, sounding a little embarrassed.
"It's Jacob," I replied.
"Then I love you, too, Dylan Jacob Weston. For the rest of my life, if you'll have me," he sighed against my neck.
"Forever, Kevy," I murmured.
We lay there a while before I heard his breathing settle into a rhythm. I was glad that he'd gotten to sleep finally. I knew he'd do better after some sleep.
And, I knew that, somehow, we'd come out ok. We were together. We had the guys to support us. And Lindsay...
Oh shit. I'd forgotten to call Lindsay. Well, it'd have to wait until morning, cause I was way too wrapped up in Kevin to get to the phone. Thoughts of the screams I'd hear when I finally called her sent me to sleep with a smile on my face.
To be continued... ------------------
Well, Kev's out. Will life ever be the same? Will Kev & Dylan's relationship survive the chaos? Only time will tell...