Forever

Author's Notes --------------

Well, for some strange reason, my last posting got me the most e-mails of any posting to date. And I didn't even ask for feedback in that one. Thanks to all who mailed. I tried to get back to all of you who did. If I didn't, feel free to write again. I'll try not to miss you this time.

I know anyone still following this probably won't like what's next, but there's a chance that I may stop the series. Kevin's true-life engagement has left me feeling a little disconnected from this story. I've been thinking it over, and will continue to do so. The story is currently written out to about chapter 70. If I decide that I can't keep going, I will pick some point between here and chapter 70 to wrap things up nicely so there's no real loose ends.

Disclaimer ----------

The story contained here is entirely in the (possibly unbalanced) mind of its author. As much as I might like to bear Kevin's children (which would be nothing short of a miracle), I have no idea if he or any of the other BSB is actually gay. Now that he's engaged, I have a good idea that he's not. If they are, and they read this, they should certainly exercise their right to free speech and e-mail me to complain all about it. Readers should enjoy the fantasy, but remember that reality may be (and probably is) dramatically different.

Don't read this little tale of love if you're too young where you live. Don't read this little tale of love if it's illegal where you live. If either of those two things applies to where you live, I recommend that you MOVE!!!

And now...'Forever'...

Chapter 40

"Dylan. Dylan, please come on, wake up, sweetie. Please don't do this to me," Kev's voice came to me from someplace far away. I could hear...fear?

I knew I should do what he asked. I knew I should go back to him. But, part of me knew, also, that he'd just get hurt if I did. That I'd just cause him more pain, more problems.

"Baby, please, don't leave me," it came again. It was like he was whispering at me from a mile away, yet I could understand him perfectly. "Please, I love you, D. I'm beggin' you, please don't go," his voice whispered to me.

Begging me? Did he really want me to come back to him? Did I deserve to get him back? I didn't know, I wasn't sure.

The depression just...shattered. It happened some times. Something inside me just connected and my rational mind would come back into play. One minute, I'd be so deep inside a hole that I couldn't get out. The next minute, I'd realize what was happening and just...pull myself out of it from the outside instead of trying to lift myself out from within. The journey through my mind was always a very strange one.

"Kev?" I whispered softly. I felt a hand on my cheek. It was trembling. No, it wasn't. I was.

I started to blink my eyes. I was confused, disoriented. The last few...minutes? were a blur. I was leaning on a shoulder. Nick's? Kev was in front of me, staring into my eyes. Jer and Kris were behind him, as was Tom. I didn't want them here. I didn't want them to see me like this. Weak.

"Go away," my voice was still quiet, "all of you just get outta here." I slipped my hand to Kev's arm, holding it as I shifted away from Nick. I felt like I'd been in a coma or something. I couldn't move.

"Guys, give us a few, please?" I heard Kev ask. I felt Nick shift beside me before standing. The door opened and then closed a few seconds later.

We just sat there for a moment. I took the arm I was holding and lifted his hand to my heart, pressing it there with my other hand. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't even look at him. I didn't have any words to say how sorry I was, or how scared I was that `sorry' wouldn't be enough.

"Oh, baby," he sighed. He slid in behind me, keeping his one arm around me with his hand against my chest.

I was shivering. I was so cold. Inside and out. I hated what I'd become today. I'd let old battles, old wounds boil up inside me. I'd taken my anger and frustration at my parents out on the one person that deserved it the least. He'd done so much for me just by coming here. And I'd repaid him with undeserving anger. I took a deep breath, trying to call up the balance.

"Kev, I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean much, but I never should've said those things to you. I used you as a whipping boy when you were just trying to help, to get things worked out with Mom and me," I said, trying to convey with words the regret I felt inside.

"Dylan, you don't have to apologize. I know what it's like to lose a family member. To lose a father. I don't know how it feels to lose him like you did, but I can still try to be there. I'm not mad at you."

"Then why'd you walk away? Why'd you leave?" I asked, trying to keep the hurt and accusation from my voice.

"Because, I needed time to think. I needed to figure out what to do to reach you. I didn't realize how much it would bother you for me to do that. I was just tryin' to come up with some way to help. Some way that you wouldn't feel was an attack on you, or a defense of your mom. I wasn't leaving because I was mad. I was leaving because I knew that you weren't ready to be reached, and I needed something that would help get you there."

"Kev, I'm so tired. Why do we have to stay? Why do I have to keep doing this? I'd already accepted losing them, first at Gram's funeral, then again with Mom after the accident, and now I have to do it yet again," my voice was barely a whisper, the tears drifting down my face. I looked up at him.

"That was why I said that. About wishing I'd never been born," I said. "I never meant to hurt you by sayin' it. I'm just tired of dealing with all this shit."

We sat there, him holding me, for a while. I hated this. Not having him hold me. That was always good. I hated how weak I'd become. I hated the crying, hated the lack of control, hated leaning on him. I'd rarely leaned on anyone in the past. Now, it felt like all I did was sit around crying and waiting for Kev to hold me up. I felt another shiver pass through me. Apparently I wasn't the only one who felt it that time.

"Come on, Dylan," he said, shifting to push me to my feet. "We need to get you inside. You're freezing out here. I dunno how you people put up with this cold weather, man!" he said in a light tone, obviously trying to get a chuckle out of me. I tried to play along.

"Well, it's not my fault you Southern Boys are so thin blooded," I said as he helped me to stand steady. I realized then why he'd noticed the cold so bad. He was still just in his shorts. Now I felt twice as guilty.

"Let's go, sweetie. Time for a hot shower," he said, pulling me along into the house. No one was around, thankfully. I wasn't ready to face them. I hated the weakness I'd showed, and I hated how often I was showing it lately.

We walked into the bathroom. Kev turned and hit the water, letting it warm up before switching it to the shower setting. He stripped me down, then started to push me to the tub.

"Kev, come in with me. Please?" I asked. I was thinking back to that day in the hotel when I'd been sick. Having him there to lean on, to hold, had made things so much better. I needed that again. I just hoped he was willing to give it.

He didn't say anything, just shucked off his boxers and climbed in, pulling me in after him. He pushed me under the spray, then slid his arms around me and just held me. We didn't move, didn't speak. I just stood there and...absorbed him.

"I love you, Kevin. I'm sorry for taking out my anger on you today," I said. I knew we needed to talk more. Needed to talk about what Mom had said, and how it had affected me. But...later.

"I love you, too, D. And don't worry about today. I understand what happened. It was a human reaction, and I'm just glad we got past it," he said. The phrase `for now' hung in the air after his statement. He obviously knew we had a lot to talk about, too. Later.

There was a knock on the bedroom door. Quiet, tentative. I was debating on whether or not to answer it when Nick popped his head in. What was the point of knocking if you were just gonna come in anyway?

"Hey, you guys alright in here?" he asked, mostly looking at me.

"Yeah, Nick. Come on in," Kev's voice rumbled in my ear where my head rested against his chest.

It was late afternoon, now. The sun was still up, but the light was starting to fade, casting shadows across Nick's face as he wandered in. He pushed the door shut behind him. He came over and sat on the bed next to Kevin, across from me.

"So, were you sent to check on the mental patient?" I asked, unable to keep a note of sarcasm from my voice. I regretted it an instant later, but Nick seemed to understand. He reached out and put a hand on my back.

"Yeah, I was, but I see Kev's doin' fine so I'll let Brian know not to call the doctor," he said with a grin. Kev slapped his leg, but I could feel him chuckling too.

"Nick, I love you, man," I said. Kev tensed a moment, but he relaxed almost immediately. He understood what I meant. By the smile on Nick's face, he understood, too. "You always know the right thing to say, or not to say, as it may be. Ya know, you're a lot smarter than people seem ta think you are," I joked. "But," I stopped him as he was about to interrupt, "I promise I won't give away your secret," I said. He laughed, tellin' me I'd guessed correctly about what he was gonna say.

"Seriously, though, is everything ok?" he asked, staring directly into my eyes with his baby blues. He did have a penetrating stare when he wanted to.

"Yeah, Nick. Everything's fine," I said, giving my man a squeeze. "Now, if you wouldn't mind, I could stand a nap. So take that pale white butt of yours outside and tell my," I paused, "my family that my mental faculties are as dull as ever," I said with a smile. He just nodded, getting up and walking out the door.

Kev put a little pressure on my shoulder, shifting us around until we were on our sides, facing each other.

"Are you really ok, D?" he asked softly. I loved it when we were close like this. Not only because of the fact that the...feeling of him just sang along my nerve endings like it did, but also because of how he liked talking in that whisper-soft voice. That voice could do things to my insides that were...amazing.

"I'm honestly not sure, Kevy," I said, nearly as quiet as he was. I stopped to try to gather my thoughts before starting again. "It's just...," I stopped again, not sure what to say. He brought a hand to my face, lightly stroking my cheek. I pushed back against it, my movements practically a reflex to his touch.

"I thought I had all of this worked out, ya know? I'd dealt with the rejection, accepted the fact that I no longer had parents. I really didn't need `em, anymore. Plain and simple," I finally managed to say. Kev just lay there for a moment, those eyes of his searching my soul.

"D, I wanna tell you something, something that might seem a little harsh," he said, pausing to make sure I was still with him. "Sweetie, you never worked out any of this. You just packed up and left. You turned tail and ran off to Florida, buried yourself in a new life, and just hoped everything would disappear. You didn't face what had happened. You bailed."

I stiffened at his words. I felt the anger surging up inside again. I pulled away, standing to move to the window. I wanted to say something, but I knew it would be wrong right now. I needed to take hold of myself first. I didn't want a repeat of earlier, even if what he'd said had hurt me.

I stared outside and just thought. The view was pretty much pathetic. The backside of the barn, and a trio of horses in the corral. I looked closer, trying to figure out which ones they were. Hmmmm, looked like Nick, Lady, and, behind her, it was...Tony.

I focused on him for a moment. I was glad that they hadn't put him down for what had happened. It was an accident, and Dad would never have condoned killing a beautiful animal for an accident like that.

Dad. The word was supposed to mean so many things. Mentor. Guide. Supporter. It was supposed to be someone who helped you through life, taught you the ropes, understood when you stumbled and lifted you back to your feet, and, to me, anyway, someone who loved you, unconditionally.

I sighed, slumping my shoulders and dropping my head against my chest. Kev was right, of course. After Gram's funeral, I'd just walked away. No, sprinted away was more like it. Took the first decent job I could find, in a city almost as far away from `home' as it was possible to go while still staying in the country.

I had tried to leave everything behind. I'd thought it would work. Gram was the glue that bound me to Dad, and to his family. I'd lost her. Mom was the glue that bound me to the rest of the family, and she'd turned away from me.

But, as they say, your problems go with you. I guess some problems go with even if you don't realize it. I may not have dwelt much on them, but they were still there. And, somehow, I needed to resolve them.

Kev was there, then. I felt him against my back as he slid his arms around me. He put his head on my shoulder and lightly kissed my neck.

"I'm sorry, D," he said in that same soft voice.

"For what, Kev? For telling the truth?" I asked back. I turned to face him. "You were right. Although, I'm gonna have to enroll you in the same class as Lindsay," I said. He just raised an eyebrow at me. "'Tact and Diplomacy in Conversation'," I informed him. He smiled a little before I continued.

"I did just turn my back on everything and walk away. I didn't face any of this. And now, with Dad, I never can. He's gone, and it's too late to fix what was broken between us for most of my life."

I took a deep breath as I leaned in towards him. I lay my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes as I rested my face against his neck. His warmth felt so good. He squeezed me in his arms for a minute, making me feel all the more loved.

"D, maybe it was always too late for you and your dad. From what you've told me, I'm not sure that you could ever have fixed what was `broken between you'. You were pretty different people in most ways. I think you were someone he didn't understand," he said. He lifted my face, cupping my cheeks in his hands as he talked to me.

"But, you can't do anything about it anymore. One day, God willing, you'll come face to face again. You'll be able to put this to rest. But, for now, you need to live your life," he paused. I knew what was next. "And part of that living is going to have to involve your mom. You need to try to resolve what's between you. One way or another," he leaned in to lightly kiss my lips.

I nodded. I knew he was right. It was disgusting, actually, how often he was right these days.

"Kev, can I ask you something?" He nodded in reply. "How exactly did you become so damn smart?" I asked with a slight grin on my face.

"Nearly 10 years of `raising' Nick," he said, drawing a laugh from me. "You'd be amazed at what he can come up with to do wrong."

"Hmmmm, I'll have to thank him for training you up nicely," I joked back. Kev just laughed at that and rested his forehead against mine. I loved to hear him laugh.

We were interrupted by another knock at the door. Given our current naked state, we both dove for the bed, hollering at whoever it was to wait. We were giggling like two teenagers who'd almost gotten caught jackin' off or something. I guess, in a way, we had.

"Come in," I said between giggles. I doubted we'd fool anyone about our state of dress. Or undress as the case was. Kris' head poked through the door.

"Hey, Dylan," she said quietly. She smiled a little seeing us smile. "There's some people here to see you."

I raised an eyebrow, about to ask her who it was when she stepped back and shut the door. I turned to Kev, doubting he'd have an answer. He didn't, as he just shrugged. We quickly slipped on some clothes and walked out. We discovered who it was pretty fast.

"Brian?" I asked, recognizing the profile of Kev's cousin. Behind him, talking to Jeremy and Nick were "AJ? Howie? What are y'all doin' here?" I asked.

"We decided that you could probably use a few friends around. We never really found out the scoop with your family," Brian paused for a second to glance at my brother, "so we wanted to make sure you had some friends in case ya needed us."

I was touched. I couldn't believe they'd come all the way out here. The more I thought about it, though, I guess I could believe it. They were good guys, good friends. It made me happy to have `em around.

"I appreciate that guys," I said, giving a hug to all three. I remembered my manners. "Guys, have y'all been introduced?" They shook their heads. "Brian, AJ, Howie," I indicated each of them as I said their names, "I'd like you to meet my brother Jeremy and his wife, Kristin. Jer, Kris, this is the less-attractive remains of the BSB," I said with a laugh, knowing exactly which one would respond.

"Hey!" AJ yelled. Score one for me. "That any way to treat your friends?"

"Sure," I replied, still laughing. "Cause it's exactly how you'd treat me!" AJ laughed, knowing I was right. Kris joined in laughing, and even Jeremy smiled a bit.

It felt good to laugh, to break up the tension. Death was always hard, but it was worse when everyone faced it with sadness and depression. Although it was hard to be truly happy, a little laughter went a long way towards lightening the load on all of us.

Chapter 41

What was left of the afternoon was spent just hanging around the house. Jeremy had made the funeral arrangements the day before when we were all travelling. The legal issues would be dealt with on Thursday.

The rest of Dad's family was supposed to arrive today some time. I gathered from what Jeremy said that they were going to stay at a hotel tonight. They'd be over in the morning before the funeral. There wasn't going to be a wake or anything.

Kris spent some time talking with the guys. She asked a lot about their travels, where they'd been and the sights that they'd seen. She'd mentioned to me several times in the past how much she wanted to do some travelling herself. I guess she was gettin' an inside scoop on places to go.

I knew that part of her quizzing was for her students, too. They'd be thrilled to know she'd met them, although I knew she'd be careful about giving away too much of the circumstances around that meeting.

The guys were cool about talking to her. When they found out that her students were fans, they offered to send her a few autographed posters to hang in her classroom. I made a mental note to tell `em I'd frame the posters for them before they were shipped. I'd hate for a non-fan or two to ruin them for others in the classes.

Mom was gone most of the time. I'm not sure where she was, but given the number of family she had in town, I figured she was probably at one of their homes. At that point, I didn't care. I knew I'd have to face her, but I didn't want to do it today.

An hour or so after it got dark, I slipped out of the living room where everyone was gathered. I walked into our room and grabbed a pair of sweats from my suitcase. I'd just pulled out a pair of socks when Kev walked in. I guess my disappearance hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Hey, sweetie, what's up?" he wondered, nodding towards the clothes I'd set on the bed.

"I'm just gonna take a walk for a bit. Maybe wander to the corral and say hi to the horses."

"Mind a little company?"

"Not at all, Kev," I smiled at him, glad of his offer. "I didn't wanna pull you away from everybody just to go outside."

"D, ya know I'd rather be with you," he replied. I just nodded with another little smile as I slipped the sweats on over my shorts and Kev donned some pants himself.

We each tossed a jacket on before heading outside. It wasn't especially cold, but we were both more used to the warmer Florida weather. Him more than me, of course.

He took my hand as we stepped off of the back porch. I squeezed his hand back, glad for the gesture. I walked pretty close to him, our bodies brushing as we walked across the yard.

We came up to the corral, and I looked around. There were still only the three horses around. I wondered where the other three were. I figured I'd have to ask Jer later.

I stuck out my hand and snapped my fingers a little. Nick wandered over immediately. He and his `younger brother' were actually colts that had been born to our family rather than bought or adopted like the rest of the horses. Lady and Tony, Nick's dam and sire, were the other two in the corral. They weren't as willing to just walk up to you, although they still tended to be friendly to those they recognized.

I gave Nick's nose a rub. He tried to eat my fingers. Nick was always trying to eat anything you stuck his way. I mentioned it to Kev, warning him, but he seemed pretty familiar with horses and easily avoided Nick's wandering teeth.

I tended to forget, in light of his career and current home, that he was actually raised in a smaller place away from the hustle/bustle and tourism of Orlando. I'd actually seen some TV show once where he was riding horses. I think it was in New York. Frankly, the tight, TIGHT leather chaps he wore at the time had distracted me a little.

Tony actually walked over to us, too. This surprised me, as I'd never seen him come up to anyone but Dad when there wasn't a bribe of oats involved. I guess he sensed that something was wrong. Most animals seemed able to sense when a loved one wasn't coming back.

"That's Tony," I said, pointing towards our new visitor. "He's the one...," I let that thought die. Kev understood what I meant. He reached out slowly to let Tony get a scent on him. Apparently, Kev smelled ok, as Tony let him start to stroke his face.

"He's a beautiful animal," Kev said. And, he was right. Tony was a pretty nice looking horse as things went. He was a very sturdy breed. I'd always thought that it was the `wild genes' in him that probably bred that sturdiness. He definitely had a lot more strength and stamina than the others did.

"Yeah, he is, actually. I think he was always Dad's favorite. Both of `em were too damn stubborn to know when to quit. I guess Tony out-stubborned Dad this time." Kev glanced at me then, but I just smiled back. I was ok.

I gave Nick's nose a last pat. Lady hadn't come to join in the attention, but I wasn't really surprised at that. She gave attention when and where she chose. And screw you if you wanted it at any other time. Basically, she was a few hundred pound cat.

I took a step back, letting Kev know I was done saying `hi'. He gave Tony's nose a stroke and turned away. He started to head inside but I stopped him.

"I know it's cold out," I began, "but what d'ya say to me grabbing us a nice warm blanket or two and you and I go sit on the patio for a while?" He smiled.

"I'd like that," he said. "As long as you're there to keep me warm. These northern nights are cold!"

"Wimp!" I chuckled at him. I'd never let him know that I was probably just as cold as he was. He got a mock-serious look on his face.

"Well," he drew out the l's, "I could always just go back inside."

"Oh, be that way, then," I smiled at him to let him know I wasn't serious. He grabbed me, pulling me into his arms to give me a deep kiss. Took my breath away.

We split up for a second. He walked up the back steps to the patio while I walked quietly into the house, trying not to let anyone know I was there. I walked to the bathroom, digging through the blankets that Mom stored at the bottom of the closet there. I finally snagged onto a couple of warm quilts.

I slipped back out of the house and went around the backside to the patio. I could've walked through the house to get there, but I wanted to avoid being seen. I didn't want anyone checking up on us for a while.

Kev was already there, relaxing back in a lounge chair that was on the porch. He smiled when he saw me coming. I wasn't sure where I should sit until he shifted his legs apart. That was an offer I definitely would NOT refuse.

I did have him stand for a second, though. I wrapped one of the quilts around his back before pushing him to sit again. I crawled up between his legs on the chair. He wrapped his arms and the quilt around me as I slid the other blanket onto our legs.

"Mmmmm, this is nice," he said in that sexy-soft voice that I loved so much.

"Sure is," I agreed. We just sat and enjoyed the quiet for a moment.

"You doin' ok, D?" Kev asked, breaking the silence around us.

"Yeah, Kev, I am. I've been thinking a lot about what you said today, and you're right. I'm not gonna dwell on what might've been with Dad. There isn't much point to it."

I paused for a moment, noticing that he'd again started stroking the back of my neck. I loved when he did that. I was turned on my side as I rested against him, my head just below his neck, his arms around me. I continued.

"I know I'm gonna have some rough days. It's just a fact of life. But, I have you there to gimme a nudge when I wander down the wrong trail, right?" I asked. I felt him nod his head above me.

We fell into silence again. I just lay there, listening to him breath. I could feel his heart beating against my ear. I stroked his side, sliding my hand up under his shirt so I could feel his skin.

"I love you, Kev," I said, lifting a little so I could look at him. He smiled back, his eyes reflecting the moonlight.

"I love you, too, D," he replied. I leaned up to kiss him. It started out lightly, our lips barely touching. I felt his lips open and his tongue slide out. He ran it across my lips, so I opened to him.

He slowly slid his tongue into my mouth, lightly kissing me, then pulling away, then kissing again, then away again. I could feel the love in him, the passion building in him. In both of us.

I pulled away from him, just enough to see into his face. I could see the fire in his eyes, the passion. I knew it was reflected in my eyes, too. I wanted him.

Unfortunately, I also realized that we weren't really in a place to make that happen. And I could tell he knew that as well. I was glad that he understood.

I felt a little guilty for starting this. That is, until he leaned up again and started to kiss me again. I leaned into him, sliding my tongue alongside his as I stroked his skin under his shirt. I guess if he was ok with keepin' on at this level, I had no argument.

We made out for a while longer, just keeping things a little under control. It was nice to do it without worrying about whether we went farther or not. It was good to see that we could just enjoy each other without sex. Not that I wouldn't have preferred sex, but sometimes you gotta take what life offers you.

Eventually, I pulled away and settled back against his chest. His heart was going a lot faster now, and his breathing was much quicker. So was mine.

"See?" I asked. "Aren't you glad I suggested a trip to the patio?" He just chuckled at me for a moment.

"Sure am, D. Great idea. Even without the last few minutes, just bein' here, no worries or problems intrudin' for the moment, it's nice." I had to agree.

We settled into conversation after that, speaking softly to one another as we looked out across the world. The stars were out in force tonight. There wasn't much `city light' to dilute them here. The arch of the Milky Way crossed the center of the night sky. It was pretty spectacular.

We eventually got around to Dad. He and I hadn't really talked about Dad much beyond what I'd told him that first night I came out to him. I did most of the talking. He listened, occasionally nodding or squeezing me tighter if he thought I needed it.

"It's such a waste, ya know?" I said out of nowhere.

"What, sweetie?"

"Me and Dad," I replied.

"Guess I'm not sure what you mean, Dylan. Why a waste?" I paused, gathering my thoughts.

"When I was a kid, we spent time together. He used to take me flying with him. When I had a bad dream or got scared, he was there to make me feel better," I paused, smiling at a memory.

"I remember one time that I was sick. It was the middle of the night, and I had some kinda cold or somethin'. I sort of crawled, or fell, actually, out of my bed and drug myself out into the hallway. I was probably like five or six at the time. I don't remember why I went there, I just remember how bad I felt."

"And then, Dad was just there. I hadn't said anything or called to anyone, he just came out in the hall. He picked me up and held me, told me it'd be ok, then gave me a little medicine and took me in to sleep with him and Mom." I leaned up a little to look at Kev's eyes.

"There were good times when I was young. But, as I got older, we drifted apart. By the time I started junior high, I avoided being around home because I didn't want to be with him. It just got worse through junior and high school. We started actually fighting, not just avoiding each other," I said, shifting back down to lay on Kev's chest.

"You pretty much know the rest. The fights got worse, we grew more distant. Then, last year, we came to blows," he gave me an extra squeeze here. I slid my hand further up his shirt to rest between his pecs. I could feel his heartbeat under my hand.

"That's what was a waste. We spent so much time and energy fighting, and most of that was just because we didn't understand each other. He was in a different world from mine. Rather than just accept that and establish some kinda relationship based on what we DID have in common, we focused on all we DIDN'T." My voice softened a bit.

"And now Dad's gone, and I feel like I barely knew him. The only thing that's left of Dad and I is regrets," I sighed, turning to nuzzle my head against his neck.

"Dylan," he began, then paused a moment. "Your time with him wasn't a waste, D. You said yourself, there were good times. He gave you your love of flying. And probably your love of staring into the sky all the time," I smiled at that. He was right there.

"Even if it wasn't perfect by any means, your relationship with your dad helped turn you into the man you are today," he said. "And, in spite of what's been said, you are a man. You're a very good man. You're strong, independent, funny, intelligent. You...you're...," he paused again before continuing in a very soft tone, "you're the guy I love more than anything."

"Thanks, Kev," I whispered, leaning in to kiss the side of his neck. "I love you, too."

"He's right, you know," a voice came out of the darkness behind us. I stiffened in Kev's arms, unsure if I was ready to face this. Kev just hugged me tighter as Mom stepped out in front of us.

Chapter 42

"Hi, Mom," I said quietly. I wasn't sure what she was going to do.

"Dylan," was her only reply. She just...stared at the two of us. It made me uncomfortable.

"Have you two been introduced?" I decided to go with the meaningless pleasantries for a second. Both of them shook their heads. I guess Jer hadn't introduced them after my little fit this morning.

"Kevin Richardson, this is my mother, Janie. Mom," I hesitated here, not sure what I should say. I decided to follow Jer's advice and just confront it. "Mom, this is Kevin, the man I love and hope to be with forever." Kev gave me an extra squeeze. Mom just nodded.

"Kevin, could you please excuse us?" Mom asked. Kev nodded and started to get up.

"NO!" I said, a hint of panic in my voice. I tried again, calmer. "No, if you have anything to say to me, you can say it to both of us." I turned to look into Kev's eyes, seeing the question there. "Please stay," I whispered to him.

Kev nodded at me, settling back down onto the chair. I leaned into him again and shifted to face my mother. She didn't look all that pleased that Kevin was there.

"Dylan...," she started to talk, then paused. She looked away for a second, grabbing a chair to sit down across from us. She started to speak again.

"I'm not really sure what to say to you," she said. "Your brother's been badgering me for weeks, months to talk to you."

I was a little surprised about that. I knew Jer had been trying to get everyone talking again, but I didn't realize he'd been tryin' so hard. He was really surprising me these days.

"Yeah, he's been riding my case, too. But...," I stopped.

"What?" she asked. I looked up, straight into her eyes.

"But I honestly didn't think it would do any good," I paused, building up some steam. "I expected a pretty bad reaction when I first came out. Most parents seem to react badly at first, or they don't have a damn clue how to react at all."

"But, Jesus, Mother, you and Dad acted like I didn't even exist, like I wasn't even there. That was why I left so early from the wedding. I was tired of my parents acting like they only had one son."

She didn't say anything. She just stared off to the side. I couldn't really tell what she was thinking. At the time, I really didn't care. I just continued on.

"Then, Gram dies and I'm forced to try to deal with y'all again. I thought it might be better since you'd had a month or so to try to absorb it. Didn't work out that way, though, did it? Actually, it was a hell of a lot worse, cause not only are we dealin' with a funeral, not only are you STILL...twisted on me bein' gay, but this time, you didn't even ignore me. It probably would've been better if you had. But, oh no, you pay WAY too much attention to me. Hell, Dad even goes so far as to hit me."

"So, I wrote you off. Or just tried to pretend that you didn't exist. Maybe I was kidding myself," I squeezed the arm Kev had around me, kind of acknowledging our earlier talk about running away, "but I did it anyway. I moved on, and moved away."

"Then fortune smiles on me and I get involved in that damn accident, and you show up again. This time it's YOU who's pretending. You're trying to pretend that nothing was wrong between us, and just try to ignore the whole `gay thing'. That lasted all of a week before it fizzled and we were fighting again."

"Tell me, Mom, what's the point? Why should I bother to try talking to you AGAIN? Look at us this morning. We can't even be in the same room for ten minutes without starting the fight all over again. I'm sick of it."

I stopped then. I had gotten pretty worked up, and I could feel the anger I'd put away over the last six months working it's way back. I knew it would only make matters worse, so I tried to calm down. I snuggled into Kev more, letting his embrace soothe my agitation. He seemed to know what I needed, as he started to stroke his hand up and down my chest and stomach.

"I'm not sure what to say, Dylan," Mom said. "I just...it's wrong, Dylan!" God, I was getting tired of this argument. It felt like I'd already had it a dozen times since I'd come out.

"See, Mom? Same argument, different location," I sighed.

"Well, it is, Dylan. It goes against everything I believe in, everything I was raised towards. Everything I am tells me that it's immoral, that it's a sin. I can't change that."

"Mom, did you love Dad?" I asked suddenly, interrupting her.

"What? Of course I did, Dylan. How could you ask that?" she was amazed.

"And what would you have done, how would you have felt, if everyone around you hated you for it? What if everyone constantly lectured you that it was wrong, constantly pointed out that it was evil, or even threw you out of your own family for it?"

She stopped for a moment, obviously thinking about what I'd said. Maybe I'd finally made an argument that reached her.

"Mom, I love Kevin. I truly do, with everything that I am. When I'm not with him, I want to be with him. I'm constantly making mental notes to tell him things. He makes me feel so good about myself, about who I am." I stroked my hand along Kevin's thigh, squeezing the muscle there.

"I'm not asking you to understand it. Hell, half the time I don't understand being gay and I AM gay. And, frankly, I don't need your approval. It is my life, and I will live it with Kevin whether you approve of it or not." I stopped, looking back to her again.

"But I would rather have you in my life. I would rather have you acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, this one thing you were raised to believe was wrong. I would rather that you...that we...work this out. I would rather that we could still be family."

"If you can't do that, then I'll leave. I will go back to Florida and live out my years with the guy I love. And I'll be happy. I'll have a slice of me that regrets the loss of my family. But, I refuse to let the problems between us keep interfering with my life."

Mom just stared at me for a minute, not saying anything. Finally, she nodded slightly. Without speaking, she stood and walked slowly into the house.

"Well, that wasn't quite what I expected," I said quietly.

"How're you doin'?" my man asked.

"I'm ok, actually. I think I'm ready, whatever she says. If she decides she can't handle it, then I go home and live out my life with a wonderful man," I said as he hugged me again. "Just as soon as I find him," I added with a laugh. Judging by the light slap on my arm, Kev wasn't amused.

"Oh, baby, you know you're the only one for me. Not even AJ could compare to ya," I joked. I rolled over and looked at his face. It was totally serious. "Oh, Kev, I was only joking. I'm sorry. I love you, and only you."

I stared into his eyes for a second before leaning in for a kiss. He didn't respond at first, but after a few seconds, he opened to me, allowing my tongue access into his mouth.

"It's ok, D," he said when we parted. "I know you were joking. It was just...you said AJ, and I...," he stopped.

"You freaked a little inside?" He nodded. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it." I kissed him again.

"No, don't worry about it. I've gotta quit bein' so damn sensitive where AJ's concerned."

"Yeah, that's true," I said with a little grin on my face. I shifted up so I was straddling his lap. I leaned down so my face was just in front of his. "Kev, baby, you're the only one I love, the only one I want," I pushed into him a little. I leaned in for another kiss, deep and full o' fire. We didn't even notice when the blankets slipped off.

We stayed outside for another half an hour or so, making out, exploring, just generally enjoying each other. He was a beautiful, beautiful man.

Jer, Kris, Tom, and the other BSB were all hanging out in the living room. They seemed to be having a good time. Most of them had smiles on their faces. Given the look in Nick's eyes, I wasn't really sure that I wanted to know exactly what they were smiling about.

"What're you kids up to in here?" I said, walking in holding Kev's hand. I noticed AJ's eyes slip to our hands. His eyes met mine, and he smiled.

"Probably nothin' as excitin' as you kids have been doin'," Nick threw out. I blushed, basically giving away the fact that Nick was absolutely right. Again.

"Actually, Kris was just tellin' us some of the stories from your wild'n'crazy college days," AJ tossed in. I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"Well, my `wild' days are nothin' compared to HERS, AJ. I'm sure we could swap a few stories about those," I said, throwing a look her way. She just smiled back at me.

"Where's Mom, Dylan?" Jer interrupted our little chat. Kev squeezed my hand.

"I dunno, Jer," I replied. "We talked for a bit, then she came inside a while ago."

"Did you work anything out?" Brian interjected.

"Not sure, really. I laid a few things out for her. Now it's up to her. If things work out, then she and I'll be at a point where we can start comin' back together. If not...," I paused.

"If not, then Dylan will come back to Florida with me. We'll be his family," Kev filled in my silence.

The other guys just nodded in agreement. I stared at Brian, his eyes meeting mine. For some reason, his opinion held a lot of weight for me at that moment. Maybe because he truly WAS Kev's family. He gave me a small smile. Something in his eyes showed me his acceptance.

Jeremy, on the other hand, didn't look like he was very happy with the idea. I suppose maybe Kevin's words weren't totally cool for him.

"Jeremy, we're still family, man. Kev and the guys, they're...they're just more. They won't replace you and Kris. Hell, I don't think anyone could EVER replace Kris," I gave him a smile which he returned. I felt better.

"Well, I dunno `bout y'all, but I'm gettin' a little tired," Nick said around a yawn.

"Yeah, I think it's time to get some sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day," `Daddy' Kevin said.

"Well, we'd probably better head into town," Brian stood.

"Why?" I asked.

"I figured we'd need a hotel, Dylan. I don't think you need all of us staying here."

"It's up to you guys. We've got some couch and floor space around if you wanna stay here. Otherwise, I'll recommend a hotel for you to stay at."

"Ooooooh, slumber party!" was AJ's answer. I laughed at his response, looking to Brian and Howie. They were the ones who were gonna have to go without beds. They just nodded, joining AJ in a smile.

I was glad they were gonna hang around. I knew it was a little silly, but they WERE family of a sort. It would be nice to have them here when the rest of the family descended.

"Well, if someone wants to share a room with Tom, I can probably move in with Kev and Dylan," Nick said. I just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Well, since the two of you only take about half a bed, I should be able to sleep on the other half," he smirked at me. I decided to have a little fun. I wandered over to him and ran a finger down his chest.

"Trust me, Nicky, if YOU were in bed with us, we wouldn't stay on just our half of the bed," I said with a little glint in my eye. Nick looked a little uncomfortable.

"Uh...I'll go ahead and stay with Tom again," he said. I could practically see the sweat dripping down his face. I broke into laughter.

"Hell, Nick, I was just kiddin', man. You are a little hottie," I said, causin' him to blush again, "but like I've told you before, there ain't no one who can compare to my boy." I threw a glance to Kevin, who smiled back. Something struck me as odd, though.

"Nicky, how exactly did you know how much bed Kev and I use?"

"Well...," Nick obviously didn't know how to answer that. I just smiled again. He was fun to pick on.

I got the guys settled in. Howie was on the couch upstairs, Bri was on the couch downstairs. Nick and Tom were back in the downstairs bedroom, and AJ was gonna crash on the floor in the living room by Howie.

We said g'night to the guys and headed into our own room. The house was settling down, the quiet of the countryside reaching in to us as we went to sleep.

Chapter 43

Morning came way too fast for me. I came out of sleep, Kev next to me in bed. It was probably a good thing that Nick hadn't joined us. Kev was laying on one side of the bed. I was snuggled up to his side. Or at least my chest was. My legs were sprawled across the other side of the bed. Nick probably would've been a little crowded.

Kev was still sleeping next to me. I could hear his strong, regular breaths in the quiet of the room. I just lay there and listened to him for a while. The rhythm of his breathing was comforting. It helped me get built up for what would be a difficult day.

From the sounds of the house, or lack of sounds, I guessed that I was probably the only one awake. That was cool. It meant that I had a little time before I actually had to get up.

I shifted in bed, bringing my body against Kev's, wrapping my legs around his, shifting my head up into my favorite spot against his neck. I started gently moving my hand around his chest, feeling the tight muscles in his pecs.

Kev moaned, pushing himself into me. His hand reached up and grabbed mine, holding it against the center of his chest. He laced his fingers with mine.

"Mornin', D," his sleepy voice came to me. I turned my head and placed a kiss on his neck, letting my tongue slip out for a moment. He shivered then.

"Morning to you, too, baby," I said, whispering with my lips against his skin.

I continued to kiss his neck. I felt him pulling my hand where it lay locked with his. He moved it down, letting me feel the heat from his skin. He continued down, past his abs.

He let go of my hand. I wasn't sure if he was telling me to stop...or telling me it was up to me to keep going. I figured I'd make a move and see what happened.

I slid my hand further down, following the light trail of hair from his abs. Kev let out another moan. Obviously he was cool with it. I moved my hand further, brushing it against his hard shaft.

He groaned again, tensing the muscles in his body. He turned his head, leaning down to mine to take my mouth with his. He slid his tongue into my mouth as I wrapped a hand around him.

The kiss deepened, if that was possible, as our tongues slid back and forth, one against the other. I began to stroke his cock, slowly moving up and down in an easy rhythm as I pumped my own against the side of his thigh.

He pulled away for a moment, gasping for breath under me.

"D, baby, if you keep that up, there's gonna be a mess on the sheets," he said, somewhere between a groan and a laugh. I stopped my movement on his cock.

"Hmmmm, you're probably right," I said as I moved my hand off of him, sliding it up his abs to his pecs.

His body just kinda slumped. I knew he was disappointed that I'd stopped. I smiled a little to myself, cause I wasn't really finished with him. But it was fun to play with his mind a little bit.

I leaned back down and lay a light kiss on his jawline. I ran my tongue along his strong chin. Then I leaned up to look down on his face.

"We really don't wanna make a mess, baby. I'd hate to have to explain it," I said, trying to look a little depressed. He looked bummed. I couldn't contain a smile at that point as I leaned in to kiss his ear.

"I guess I'd just better make sure you don't make a mess then, huh?" I whispered, lightly running my tongue along his ear as my hand made its way back down his hard body to once more wrap around his erection.

He gasped, and his body tensed up almost instantly. I could tell he wasn't expecting this.

I kissed my way down his neck, taking a second to run my tongue over his collarbone where it joined there. As strange as it seemed, I loved this guy's neck. Loved kissing it, loved feeling it tense up when he was excited, loved the feel of the blood pumping there when I rested my head against it.

I moved down further, sliding my face down to his hard chest. His chest, hell his whole body, was...awesome. He had that nicely toned, well-muscled look. I could tell he worked out regularly, even beyond the heavy physical work that his `job' required.

I slid my tongue to one of his pecs, running it lightly over his smooth skin to the nipple. I took it in my mouth, licking and nibbling on it. I wasn't sure he was too into it until I felt his hands wrap into my hair, pulling me tighter against him.

I continued working his chest, first one side, then the other, taking my time and enjoying the feel of my man. My man. Loved the sound of that. I also loved how much pleasure I could give him.

I eventually continued my journey down his body. My tongue found his hard abs. He was worked up enough to be sweating, now, and I ran my tongue along the grooves of his six pack, tasting the hot salty flavor of his skin and sweat. It was about enough to send ME over the edge, much less him.

I moved down, and finally reached his hard cock. I put my hand around the base, taking a moment to look up at his face. He was lying there with what I could only describe as a look of bliss on his face. His gorgeous green eyes were about half open, staring down at me. His lips were parted slightly, and his breathing was pretty heavy.

I moved my mouth to him, easing my tongue up his throbbing shaft. I was totally loving the feel of him, the taste of him, even the smell of him. His body was like a drug for me. Even the few acts we'd done thus far were more intense than anything I'd ever experienced before in my life. I guess love'll do that.

I took the head in my mouth, then, tonguing all around it before slowly moving his shaft into my mouth. I could hear him groaning above me. Good to know he was enjoying it.

I took my free hand and put a finger across his lips, reminding him that he should at least try to keep it down. Frankly, if anyone heard us, I really didn't care, but it was worth reminding him that we were in a house full of people.

He surprised me a little when he opened his mouth and took my finger between his lips. I'd never had anyone do that before, and I never would've thought that it could be so erotic. He sucked my finger into his mouth, as I took his cock into mine.

We continued that way for a little longer. Both of us were so worked up, I was amazed that we'd lasted that long. I started moving rhythmically up and down on him, starting to get anxious for a taste of his load.

He was breathing so fast he was nearly hyperventilating. I pulled my finger from between his lips and concentrated on finishing him off. His moans were starting to get loud again, but I was so far gone myself that I didn't even notice.

"Oh, God, D," was all he said before lunging into my mouth one last time and releasing his load. I lost track of how many times he shot, but I took `em all. I continued to suck on him until his body finally settled, and he seemed to just pass out on the bed.

I was ready to shoot myself. Since I'd told him we wouldn't make a mess, I got onto my knees over him. I reached down to wrap a hand around my own throbbing meat and started stroking.

He shook himself out of his stupor and pulled my hand off of my shaft, replacing it with his own. That was enough to send me over the edge. He managed only a few strokes before I shot, my load splashing over his chest and abs.

I literally blacked out for a moment. The next thing I knew, I was laying on top of him, my sticky load gluing us together. I loved that extra little connection it gave us.

Our breathing slowly returned to normal, as we both started to recover. God, if sex was always going to be this intense between us, I wasn't sure I'd survive very long. But, oh what a way to go.

"D, that was...I mean it...WOW!" he said, turning his head slightly to lay a kiss on my forehead.

"You ain't kiddin', baby," I said, smiling. "That was incredible. YOU were incredible."

"You were beyond incredible, yourself, sweetie," he said.

We lay there for a bit, just...basking in the glow, I guess. Even though it'd only happened a few times, I was already beginning to love this part. Cuddle time. Him on me or, in this case, me on him. Our skin touching all over, our hearts sharing a rhythm as we came down from the natural high that sharing our love gave us.

He drew in a breath, like he was about to say something. Then he paused before letting it out. I wasn't sure what was up, so I just let him take his time. He took another breath.

"Dylan, I'm sorry," he said softly. That was NOT what I expected. I leaned up on my elbow to look down into his face.

"What? Why?" I was baffled at this response.

"I didn't mean for us to get so carried away, D. I mean, today of all days," was his reply. I had kind of a guilty flash. Once we'd gotten started, I hadn't even thought about what today would bring. I smiled at him.

"Kev, hon, it's ok. Trust me. I wanted this to happen, and it doesn't matter about today. With your help, I made peace with most of the demons yesterday. Today is just to say goodbye. To get a bit of closure so we can move on," I said.

He stared at me for a minute. I could tell he really felt guilty about us having sex on the day of my father's funeral. I could understand it, I guess. Funerals were usually viewed as solemn and sad occasions, and we'd started the day with one of the hottest sexual experiences of our relationship to date.

"Kev, if you don't get that guilty look off of your face, we're gonna end up kissing, which is gonna lead to more of these little...explorations, which will lead to more guilt. It'll become a never-ending cycle, man, and we'll never get outta this bed," I said with a smile. He smiled back.

"I honestly don't mind that we did this today. As a matter of fact, it was probably one of the best wake-up calls that I've ever had. And it was a good way to get the tension out of my system before I have to go face the family and stuff."

He seemed to accept things then, as the little guilty look on his face faded. I leaned down to give him a light kiss before settling my head down next to his on the pillow.

All too soon, there was a light knock at the door. I pulled the covers over us to our waists before telling whoever it was they could come in. I didn't move off of Kevin, and he didn't seem to mind that I stayed. Actually, he kept his arms around my sides, stroking my back, so I wasn't even sure he'd have let me move anyway.

Nick's head peaked around the door. He had his eyes closed. I guess he wasn't in the mood for a show at that moment. His loss, Kev put on a helluva show.

"You two kids decent, yet?" he asked.

"Well, we're under cover, Nicky, so you can at least open your eyes," I said, keeping my head down on the pillow. He walked into the room and shut the door.

"I just didn't want a show like I got earlier," he said. That did get me to lift my head.

"What?" I asked.

"I sorta popped my head in here a few minutes ago. No one answered my knock," he said. I discovered at that moment that it was actually possible to blush along my entire body.

"We were...tied up, Nick," Kev said with a little smile. I couldn't believe he wasn't dying of embarrassment. I sure felt like I was.

"Yeah, Kev, I kinda noticed that. Another scene like that and I'm either gonna have to get locked in a padded room or switch sides," Nick replied with a little smile. I looked up at that, amazed.

"Chill, Dylan, I'm kiddin' on that," he said. Then he got that little `Nick's evil' gleam in his eye. "Although, from the look on Kev's face a few minutes ago, we need to see about gettin' you on the bus with us, cause you SURE know how to treat a guy right!"

Oh, God, I couldn't believe he said that. I blushed furiously, burying my face into Kev's neck and pulling the blankets over my head. Kev was laughing outright, Nick was chuckling pretty hard along with him.

"Nick, stop teasin' him, man. He's not used to all the little fun parts associated with you guys livin' up my ass 10 months of the year," Kev said, still laughing at my embarrassment. I looked up at him, then, letting the covers slip down to my shoulders.

"You mean walkin' in on each other havin' sex is like a normal thing with you guys?" I asked. I knew they weren't exactly shy, but I didn't realize that included...well, THIS.

"Not exactly `normal', no, but it does happen, D. Like I told you a while back, there's not much in the way of privacy between us," he said, laughing at my reaction. He glanced over to Nick. "Let's just say that the reason I know that Nick's ass AIN'T all that pale white has nothing to do with catching him ALONE."

I was amazed that Nick didn't start blushing then. I figured he'd be at least a tad bit embarrassed `bout Kev discussing his ass. But, he just started laughing, causing Kev to join in. I eventually did, too, although I was still trying to get used to this.

I got a wicked little thought, then. Hell, if Nick could tease me about this, then it was only fair that I get to tease him back.

"So, Kev," I began, tossing my boyfriend a glance, "is our little Nicky as much of a hottie without his clothes as he is with `em?" I asked, winking at Kev before looking over at Nick.

"Well, let's just say that little Nicky' isn't really the right phrase to use to describe him. Especially if the cries of Oh God, YES, Nick' that she was yelling were any clue," Kev laughed. I busted up on that, cause Nick just shut up and turned a very pleasing shade of red.

"Hmmmmm, I guess it's too bad that he didn't join us in bed last night after all. This mornin' could've been a whole lot more...interestin'," I said. I started laughing then, hard. I was glad to feel Kev laughing, too. I hadn't really thought about it, but I didn't want him to be hurt that I was joking about Nick joining jus in bed. He'd been a little touchy last night when I'd joked about AJ that way.

"Alright, enough already!" Nick said, tryin' to break into our laughs. Kev and I eventually settled down. Nick's face even faded back to his more normal coloring.

"Did you actually come in for a reason, Nicky, or were you just hopin' for a little thrill?" I asked.

"Well, I was just gonna let you know that people are startin' to get up, and that your bro said your dad's family're gonna start gettin' here soon," he said. The fun mood of the minutes before kinda faded then. We were reminded of why we were all here.

"Alright, Nick. We'll be up in a second," Kev said when I didn't answer. Nick just nodded, tossed me one of those gorgeous toothy grins of his, and walked back outside.

Kevin just kept stroking my back. I settled my head against his neck, breathing in the scent of him. I loved him so much.

"You ready for this, baby?" he asked me in that soft, sexy way he had.

"Not especially, Kev, but that doesn't really matter at the moment. Time to face the world," I said. I leaned in and kissed his neck before shifting up to look into his eyes.

"But, when this is all over, we're gonna continue with what we started this morning," I whispered to him. He nodded, leaning his face up to mine for a kiss. I could feel the fire building in us again, but I knew we couldn't do anything about it this time. So, I eased away from him and slipped out of bed.

"Come on, stud, time to get goin'," I said, grabbing his hand to pull him out of bed. His lips met mine one last time.

"Love you, D," he whispered against my mouth.

"Love you back, Kevy," I said. We slipped on shorts and t-shirts before heading out of the room.

To be continued... ------------------

That's it for now. Hope everyone enjoyed it.