Forbidden Secret

Forbidden Secret

By Robin Stradley

Jake rolled over, annoyed at the incessant blaring of the alarm clock next to him on the nightstand, and shut it off. Although it was not one of his six-day-a-week work days, he had promised his wife, Lydia that he would get some work done around the house. Lydia was not in the bed next to him, so he figured she had already left to start her 16-hour shift as a nurse at the local hospital. He got dressed, drank his coffee, and reluctantly began his menial house chores.

After replacing two light bulbs, reinforcing the screws on the pantry door, and retiling half of the upstairs bathroom floor, he decided before getting to work on mowing the lawn that he would first get in a quick work out on his weight bench. He did 10 sets of 10 at 30 pounds, grabbed a towel and a bottle of water and headed to the garage to grab the lawn mower. It was a beautiful August morning, but like so many others before for Jake. He had settled into a routine of work and little chores around the house on Saturdays, and often times he missed being excited and motivated about...well, anything.

He was content to be a married man of 37-years-old. He and his wife Lydia had been high school sweethearts and the only people each other had ever even dated. They had just recently celebrated 19 years being married. They were overjoyed to welcome their first and only child into the world almost a year after marrying, a daughter whom they named Shyla. Jake was a hard-working man and a good provider, and it was evident by looking at him. He kept himself in pristine physical condition with the muscular body of a runner. His dark brown eyes were enticing and speckled with yellow and his hair the color of dark mahogany. His marriage had been threatened by his wife's having an affair with a man with whom she worked at the local hospital, but Jake knew nothing more than having a family and working, and felt like if he and Lydia were to separate that he would no longer have an identity and wouldn't know how to carry on, so he forgave her, but he always held a secret pain inside that he shared with no one. After discovering the affair, he was left with a permanent sense of low self-esteem. He didn't feel good enough or desirable anymore, but he didn't divulge this to anyone because he felt it would make him weak or somehow less of a man that he was feeling this way. He was a man of few words, but a deep and philosophical thinker, a man of greater than average intelligence with kindness and compassion even greater than that.

As he had just started to mow his lawn, he noticed a large moving van parked across the street and a family of three hauling their belongings into the house: a man, a woman, and a young female child. He didn't pay much attention to it until his daughter Shyla, who had just turned eighteen-years-old the previous month, came outside and over to him.

"Looks like they finally got someone to move in the old Sallers' place, huh dad?" she asked him.

"Yep. Looks like it," he replied with little enthusiasm as he continued to mow the lawn.

"I'm going to head over and say hello."

Shyla ardently bounced across the street. Jake kept a watchful and curious eye on her. Within a few minutes he noticed her talking to a young man who looked to be somewhere around her age. Jake had instant distrust for this boy as he took note of his appearance. He sported a medium-length black and blue colored mohawk, dark black eyeliner around his eyes, multiple piercings in his ears, nose, eyebrow, and chin, and his black jeans were tight and covered in different sized fringed holes beginning at his mid-thigh and continuing down to his mid-calf. He wore a tight black tank top and his arms were decorated by numerous tattoos. Watching this boy, who obviously considered himself a rebel, talking to his precious little girl, gave Jake an intense feeling of unease and worry. He kept a vigilant gaze on their conversation until he saw Shyla walking back across the street.

"Dad, I'm going over to Ashley's. We're going shopping for school clothes," she yelled to Jake as she unlocked her car door.

"Okay honey," he shouted back flatly, never taking his eyes off the boy across the street, "be careful."

Jake finished mowing the lawn and finally decided to take some down time for himself. After changing into a pair of cotton pajama pants and a T-shirt, he grabbed an apple and plopped down in his recliner in front of his big screen television in the living room. As he was flipping mundanely around channels, he heard his doorbell ring. He scoffed in frustration as he got up to answer it. He opened the door to see the boy with the mohawk from across the street standing on his front step. Even though there was something about this boy Jake just didn't like, he was absolutely struck by the boy's eyes. They were a brilliant light green. Jake thought to himself, `I don't think I've ever seen a pair of eyes more beautiful.' He quickly dismissed the thought and looked at the boy with an expression of annoyed questioning.

"Hey," said the boy, "is that girl here?"

"That girl?" Jake mocked with a tone of irritancy.

"Yeah. The chick that came over and talked to me a little bit ago. Is she here?"

"First of all, my daughter is not a `chick.' Secondly, no, she isn't here."

"Oh. Sorry. Well...my mom wanted me to introduce myself anyways. I'm Alex Donahue."

"Hello, Alex Donahue. Will there be anything else?"

"Um...no, I guess not. Do you have a name? My mom won't believe that I came over here and introduced myself unless I get your name."

Alex smiled and Jake felt inexplicably intrigued. The boy's smile was absolutely gorgeous.

"Yeah...um...Jake. Jake Ruskin."

"Jake Ruskin. Okay. Nice to meet you, sir. Sorry I bothered you. If you would please though, can you tell your daughter I came by? She said she was gonna give me some info about the community college around here."

Jake was surprised by the boy's manners considering his rebellious sense of style and the statement he made with his appearance. He didn't understand why, but he didn't want the boy to leave yet, so he tried to keep him engaged in conversation.

"Oh, you're thinking of going to Walden CC, huh?"

"Yeah. I gotta find something to do with my time so I stay out of trouble."

Alex flashed that smile again, and Jake was becoming disturbed at the realization that he seemed to be developing an attraction to this boy that was around the same age as his own child. And a male. Jake had never found himself attracted to another male before and it startled him. The conversation stalled for a moment before Alex said, "Well, I should get back. It was a pleasure to meet you, sir," and began to walk away. Jake had an internal panic attack at the thought that maybe Alex left so abruptly because he didn't like the way Jake was looking at him. Did I make it obvious that I was taken by his eyes?' he thought, did he see me staring at his gorgeous smile?' Alex had almost made it down the sidewalk before he turned around to say, "Oh, and another thing. I'm not after your daughter or anything. She asked me to come over. And I forgot what she said her name was is the only reason I called her `that girl.' I just wanted you to know that."

He flashed that smile again and Jake felt somewhat relieved.

"Oh, okay," he grinned back, "her name's Shyla."

"Shyla. I won't forget it again. I promise," Alex replied. Jake couldn't stop the thought from running through his mind, `I wonder if he knows how sexy he is.'

Jake closed the door, but hurried over to the window and watched Alex walk back across the street. He noted the muscle definition in his arms and shoulders and was still wondering why anything about this boy seemed attractive to him. He felt himself beginning to become aroused, so he quickly turned away from the window and sat back down on his recliner. His television was on, but he was so deep into thought he didn't pay it any attention. He was thinking things like what the hell is wrong with me?' and I thought he may have been interested in my daughter, but he couldn't even remember her name, so maybe not. I know I don't want her dating him, but is it for obvious reasons, or would I be...jealous? Why would that make me jealous? What the hell is going on here?'

Jake was heavy in confused thought when the sharp ringing of the telephone broke his inner battle.

"Hello?" Jake said into the telephone.

"Hello Jacob, this is your mother. I'm calling to tell you your Uncle Howard passed away last night from complications of diabetes and I'd very much appreciate it if you would come to the funeral and pay your final respects."

"Well, mom...I don't know. I'm not sure if I can take the time off work," Jake answered. He wasn't close to his Uncle Howard; he had only met him two or three times throughout his entire life.

"Well I hope you make a valid effort in that regard, son. Call me tomorrow and let me know if we can count on your being there or not. Send my love to Shyla and your wife. Bye-bye now."

Jake's mother had always referred to Lydia as "your wife" when talking to Jake, never by her name. She was one of these people that believed no one was good enough for her son, so Jake never told his family about Lydia's affair because he knew it would only increase his mother's dislike for Lydia. He considered not going to the funeral or even making "a valid effort in that regard," as his mother had put it, but he always found it difficult to say no to his mother, even as an adult, or to do the opposite of what she wanted him to do. Reluctantly he called his boss and asked for a couple days off for family emergency leave. Jake was such a good worker (one of the top micro analysts at his company, Sharwin Oaks Biotech Center) it was no problem for his boss to grant the leave. Jake began packing his things to prepare for his trip.

As he was online buying a round trip plane ticket, Shyla burst through the door and rushed toward the stairs.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" Jake asked.

"I'm going to the movies with Alex, the boy whose family just moved in across the street. We want to catch the 8 o'clock showing so I have to hurry," Shyla replied. An electric jolt of jealousy shot through Jake at lightning speed and he was instantly troubled and disgusted by it. Why was he feeling jealous that his daughter was going out with some boy around her age? It didn't make any sense. He had never been a jealous man. Whenever he caught another man checking out Lydia he would just smile and throw an arm around her shoulders in pride that he had such an attractive wife. After she had the affair, the pride turned into insecurity and suspicion that she might do it again, but never jealousy. It was another new and totally foreign emotion for him and he wasn't sure what it meant or how to deal with it.

"Honey," he said hesitantly. Shyla stopped halfway up the stairs and turned around with a gesture of annoyance.

"What, dad?" she sighed heavily.

"Do you think it's a good idea to be entertaining that boy? There's something about him I don't trust."

"There's something about every boy I know that you don't trust. He's harmless dad. And besides, we're just going to see a movie, it's not like we're getting married."

"Well, boys your age can't be trusted. It's not my fault, it's just their nature."

"You were a boy my age once. Are you saying you couldn't be trusted?" Shyla ginned at her father.

"I was the exception," Jake grinned back, "just be careful, okay? And remember what I always tell you when you leave with a boy. Don't --"

"I know, don't feel pressured to do anything I don't want to do. I won't dad. I promise," Shyla cut him off. She bounced back down the stairs to give her father a hug and a kiss on the cheek before running back upstairs, her blond ponytail bouncing merrily. This was one of those moments that Jake knew no matter what his and Lydia's marriage had decreased to, or how much of a mistake the reconciliation after the affair may have been, Shyla was definitely the best thing to come out of it. Jake thought to himself, Okay. I can handle this. My daughter's going out with Mr. Mohawk Beautiful Eyes and I'm a little jealous for some messed up reason. Maybe I just need some rest. Yeah, rest. I'll just go to bed early tonight and get plenty of rest before I have to catch the plane, and tomorrow this feeling will go away. I will not be attracted to a boy my daughter's going out with tonight. I just need rest. Maybe it's just a weird day is all?' Jake completed his online purchase of a plane ticket, shut his laptop, and went straight upstairs to bed. He tried to go to sleep, but whenever he was about to drift off all he saw was Alex's face. Then his gorgeous eyes. Then his beautiful smile. Then his nicely toned arms and shoulders. Then the way his ass looked in his jeans. Jake popped his eyes open and sighed in frustration. I can't keep doing this,' he thought, `I can't keep thinking about this boy like this. It's not right, for many reasons. The first of which, I'm not gay! I mean, I used to peek every now and then when I was in the high school locker room, but doesn't everyone? It wasn't really on purpose; it was kind of subconscious curiosity. I didn't enjoy it or anything. I don't think anyway.' Jake finally began falling asleep while reasoning with himself and trying to talk himself out of this strange attraction he had developed. He was in a light sleep when he heard Shyla's key hit the lock downstairs and the front door open. He always slept more lightly when Shyla was out, and was only able to get back to sleep once he knew she was safely at home. He ran to his bedroom door to see if Alex was still with her. He wasn't.

"So how was the movie?" he asked as he walked out of his bedroom.

"It was pretty good. We saw a horror film. It was scary, but kind of lame. I didn't like the way it ended."

"Alex didn't try to make a move on you did he?" he asked more for his own knowledge than that of a protective father.

"No, dad," Shyla rolled her eyes, " I ended up calling a few of my friends and told them to bring their boyfriends and their boyfriends' guy friends, just so Alex could meet some of the people our age in town before we all start Walden together."

"That's a good idea. So Alex is your age then? Eighteen?" Jake asked, trying not to sound too curious. He had been wondering if Alex was at least at the legal age of consent. Not that he was planning to use the information; it was just out of curiosity.

"Yeah. His birthday is just a week after mine, so he's been eighteen for just a couple weeks," Shyla replied, not seeming alerted by her father's curiosity about the boy from across the street

"So how did it go with all of you?" Jake inquired.

"Great. It went really well. Well dad, I'm pretty tired. I think I'm gonna head off to bed," Shyla said with a big yawn, "Goodnight, Daddy." She gave him another hug and kiss on the cheek and headed into her bedroom.

"Goodnight, sweetheart. Sleep well," Jake replied, hoping the guilt wouldn't be apparent in his voice. He felt guilty for being jealous that his daughter had spent time with Alex, he felt guilty that he hid behind the façade of seeming to be interested in what was going on in her life when he was really just fishing for information about Alex. It's not that he didn't care what was going on in her life, it was just that some things she seemed to deem very important seemed silly and overly dramatic to him. He often missed the days when the biggest thing happening in her life was that she saw a doggy that day.

Jake went back to bed and due to fatigue, found it a little easier to fall fully asleep the second time around. His alarm clock started blaring at him early, 7:00 a.m. The first thing he noticed was that Lydia was not in bed next to him. He rolled out of bed, got dressed, and headed downstairs to drink some coffee before preparing and heading off for his trip. As he cleared the last step he saw Lydia sitting at the kitchen table.

"You're up awfully early," he said with a tone of doubt, "in fact, I didn't even feel you come to bed last night."

"I didn't. I got home late and didn't want to disturb you so I slept on the couch. It was too lumpy so I've been up since about five," she responded flatly, never looking up from her cup of coffee. Jake was instantly suspicious, but he said nothing on the subject as he fixed his coffee and sat down next to her at the table.

"I have to go away for a couple days. My Uncle Howard passed away and my family wants me at his funeral," he informed her before taking a sip of coffee.

"Oh. You mean your mother wants you there. You barely knew your Uncle Howard," Lydia replied unenthusiastically, "you cleared it with work and everything?"

"Of course."

"Okay. See you in a few days then. Be safe. I've got to start getting ready for work. That 16 hour shift isn't gonna work itself," she replied as she got up from the table, kissed Jake on the cheek, and headed upstairs. Jake felt tears coming on from the realization that Lydia was more than likely up to her old tricks of running around on him again, but instead he fought them off. You don't know for sure she's doing it again,' he thought to himself, maybe I should beat her to the punch *and *get revenge for the first one and have an affair myself. But no, two wrongs don't make a right. But would it make me feel better anyway?' He pondered this thought as he got up from the table, gathered his luggage, and called a taxi to take him to the airport. His movements were almost robotic as his mind was somewhere else entirely. If she *is* having an affair, is it the same man as before? Why would she do this after we both, especially I, worked so hard to get past it? What's gonna happen now?' He decided he didn't want to be in the same house anymore as someone he felt might be lying to him again, so he stepped outside to wait on his taxi. Just as he stepped outside, he saw Alex across the street mowing his family's lawn. Great, one more problem I don't want to think about,' he thought to himself. He sat down his luggage and took a seat on his front porch. Alex immediately noticed him, stopped his lawnmower, and came running across the street.

"Hey, Mr. Ruskin, how's it goin'?" he grinned. Jake melted a little inside and the thought crossed his mind, `I guess it's going to take more than a good night's sleep for this feeling of...I don't even know what the hell...go away.'

"Pretty good. And yourself?"

"Just helpin' my mom out around the house...you know how that is. I saw you mowing your lawn yesterday. Boring, huh?"

`He noticed me yesterday? Before we even spoke?' Jake thought as he felt somewhat inexplicably flattered.

"Uh, yeah...no fun," replied Jake as flatly as he could, "but it's gotta be done I guess if we don't want to look like we live in a jungle."

Alex chuckled slightly and Jake's attraction grew even stronger. He used to make Lydia laugh all the time and he used to enjoy it. With the exception of this moment he couldn't remember the last time he had made anyone laugh or laughed himself.

"Looks like you're goin' somewhere, huh?" asked Alex after a moment of silence. Jake noticed a single bead of sweat roll down Alex's forehead and he wiped it with his right arm, which also glistened from slight perspiration.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I've gotta go up to Greensburg for a funeral. My uncle passed away," replied Jake, hoping Alex didn't see him staring at his golden colored, sweat glistened body.

"I'm sorry to hear that, sir," answered Alex with sincerity. Jake was touched by the sentiment that anyone had thought to say sorry about his uncle's death, even if he was never close to the uncle. Just as he was about to thank Alex, his taxi came pulling into his driveway.

"Oh, there's my ride. I have to go. Thanks for stopping by, Alex, that was nice of you."

"No problem. Here, I'll help you with your bags," Alex said as he picked on up and held it above his head. Jake noted the strength in Alex's biceps and was very impressed. `I had to work out for fifteen years to get that far and here's this eighteen-year-old kid looking better than I do!' he thought to himself. Alex dropped Jake's bag in the trunk and Jake followed with his. They stood outside the taxi's trunk for a moment of awkward gazes.

"Well," said Jake finally, "thanks a lot. See you around, okay?"

"No problem. Have a safe trip," Alex replied as he extended his hand for Jake to shake. Jake hesitated, but gently grasped Alex's hand and shook it briefly. The shot of adrenaline that bolted through his body at getting to touch Alex after thinking about him almost nonstop for twenty-four hours was unexpected and indescribably good. `His hands are so soft and warm, except at the rough fingertips. He must play guitar or something,' Jake thought involuntarily. They both smiled, and Jake climbed in the back seat of the taxi as Alex bounced back across the street.

"Is that your son?" the taxi driver asked Jake.

"No, it isn't," Jake replied, disgusted at himself as much as he was the question. Oh my God, the guy's right,' he thought, I look old enough to be that boy's father. I *am *old enough to be that boy's father. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not even gay! But Alex sure looked good in the morning light...'

Jake made it through the rather uneventful weekend soundly. He paid his final respects to the uncle he barely knew, attended the wake, chatted with family members that he hadn't seen in years, and went back to his hotel room where he thought about nothing some of the time, what Lydia was doing some of the time, and Alex the rest of the time. His mind would go from blank nothingness to I wonder if Lydia's out fucking that intern again' to Alex was staring right back at me after he put my bag in the trunk. What does that mean? Does it mean anything? Why did he do that? Is he really after my daughter and just trying to get in good with me first, or is it something else? Why am I reading so much into this?' He was about to drift off to sleep when he had the recollection of Alex's face flash across his mind again. He was half conscious so he had no control over his train of thought now. He began to wonder what it would be like to have sex with another man. Could he even do it? Or was this unexplainable attraction just some weird fantasy of a bored and unhappy workaholic who had nothing interesting or exciting going on in his life anymore? He popped his eyes open, but he didn't try to focus away from the thoughts. He let them flow. He thought about kissing Alex's beautiful lips. As he let these fantasies run rampant he began creeping his hand down his body and into his pants and boxer briefs. Grabbing ahold of himself and beginning to stroke, he imagined taking off Alex's clothes and rubbing his hands and tongue all over Alex's tan, muscular body and tight young skin. He could almost taste him the fantasy he was having was so vivid. He imagined Alex undressing him next and kneeling to his knees in front of Jake. As he imagined what it would feel like to be taken into that gorgeous mouth, his stroke speed

quickened and his fantasy Alex only got in a couple of sucks before Jake came for real. He couldn't remember any recent time he'd cum this intensely or this hard. He didn't really masturbate much anymore because he was so unhappy he didn't really have a sex drive. And he and Lydia's sex life was almost non-existent at this point. They only had sex on special occasions, like birthdays or their anniversary, and even then it was very routine, plain and boring. And every time they had sex after the affair he always had the image in the back of his mind of her with another man. As he grabbed a Kleenex from beside the bed to clean himself up with, he wondered if the intensity of the orgasm had been due to the sheer forbidden nature of the fantasy he'd created, or the actions in the fantasy itself. He didn't know, but he felt wrong nevertheless for thinking about engaging in sexual activity with this boy while pleasuring himself. He tried not to give it anymore thought, but tried instead to roll over and go to sleep. Due to exhaustion and sexual satisfaction, he drifted right off.

The next morning he awoke early to pack his things and head home. Even though he knew all of his problems would just be waiting for him when he returned, he looked forward to getting home anyway. He missed his own bed. He missed Shyla. He even missed Lydia. And he missed seeing Alex. He didn't know why, but he hoped with all his ability to hope that he would get to speak to Alex again upon getting home. Will he even care that I'm home?' he wondered, he seemed to care that I was leaving. Either that or he was just being polite. Either way, it was nice.' He exited the plane amongst all the other passengers, grabbed his luggage, and managed to find a taxi cab just sitting outside waiting for a fair.

As the taxi turned onto his street, he noticed Alex was not outside and it looked awfully quiet and still over at his house. As he entered the door and walked upstairs, he felt warm humidity coming from the main upstairs bathroom. He figured it was Lydia, so he cautiously walked toward the door and knocked. Just then, the occupant opened the door and Jake saw who it was. It was Alex. He was clad in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He was still damp and had water running down his chest and stomach. Jake looked him up and down very briefly before asking him, "What are you doing in my house? In my shower?"

"Shyla said I could take a shower after we --"

"After you what?" Jake cut him off, "did you...did you fuck my daughter? In my house?"

Alex got a look of a deer in headlights as Jake grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him up against the hallway wall.

"Answer me! Did you have sex with my daughter?"

"Why do want to know so bad? Are you jealous?" Alex taunted with a smirk.

"What...I don't know what you're talking about," Jake stammered.

"I've seen the way you look at me. I know you want it," Alex replied as he leaned forward and drug his bottom lip against Jake's slowly, in an upward motion, "I don't mind that you're married. I've done married guys before. Married guys and married women. And I won't tell anyone if you won't either."

Jake, dumbfounded, released his grip on Alex.

"Get out of my house," he said.

"Fine," he said, stepping back in the bathroom to get dressed, "but before I do, I was going to say we have a broken water main across the street and they had to shut our water off for a little bit, so Shyla said I could come take a shower. We didn't fuck. She's not even in the house. She's out back talking on the phone."

Jake sighed and considered this for a moment before saying, "Okay, okay. I'm sorry I lost my temper. It just looked like --"

"Don't worry about it, man," Alex said as he came out of the bathroom dressed and stopped to tie his black boots with numerous buckles on them, "you were just protecting your daughter. I understand."

When he had finished lacing up his boots, he headed downstairs and to the door, but stopped before he exited the house, turned around, looked at Jake and said, "And I meant what I said. I don't care if you're married. I swing both ways, so to speak. Think about it," he clicked his tongue and winked at Jake and left the house, shutting the door behind him. What the hell just happened?' Jake thought to himself, his heart still racing as much from feeling Alex's lip being dragged softly and slowly against his lips as it was from being in a physical altercation. Did he just say he's bisexual? How could he tell that I was looking at him with desire? It's almost like he could read my mind. I didn't think I made it *that *obvious! What's going to happen now? Will he tell Lydia? Will he tell Shyla? Even if he does, they won't believe him. Nothing's happened that he can prove.'

Jake went out in the back yard to find Shyla lying in the hammock, still talking on the phone, just as Alex had said. `He must've been telling the truth,' he thought.

"Oh, Brian, can I call you back in a minute?" Shyla said into the phone, grinning, "okay. I'll call you back in a minute. Bye-bye. Daddy, you're home," she said as she jumped up and hugged Jake, "how was your trip?"

"Pretty uneventful actually. Thanks for asking honey," Jake replied.

"Oh, before I forget, the water got shut off at the Donahues' and I told Alex he could come take a shower `cause he was out working on his car all morning and he got all greasy."

"Yeah, I know. I saw him and just about had a heart attack!" exclaimed Jake, "I thought it was your mom. You can imagine my surprise!"

"Um...what trip honey?" Jake inquired.

"Mom and I are going to Florida to visit Grandma for two weeks before school starts. Didn't she tell you?"

"No, she didn't. How long have you two had this planned?" Jake asked, beginning to get a little angry with his wife for not informing him and worse yet for seeming like she didn't want him to go. She knew that unless it was an emergency he needed to inform his work at least a week in advance.

"I'm going to go call her," he said, and stormed back toward the house.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I thought you knew!" Shyla shouted with a tone of worried upset in her voice. Jake knew she hated it when he and her mother fought, and no matter how old she got she always would, especially when she felt she was the cause of it.

"It's not your fault honey," Jake shouted back with a smile in an attempt to ease his little girl's mind, "I'm just gonna call your mom and ask her why she didn't tell me, that's all. I'm not mad. I'm just curious, okay?"

"Okay. Just please don't get in a fight. I hate it when you guys fight."

"I know honey. We won't. Don't worry about it, okay? You should just call Brian back -- whoever he is -- he's been waiting longer than a minute," Jake grinned.

"He's a boy I like and who I think likes me. I'm waiting for him to ask me out," she grinned back. As she began dialing the phone, Jake entered the house. He didn't want to let onto Shyla how angry he was, but by this time he was furious. He pulled out his cell phone and called his wife. There was no answer, so he sat on the sofa in the living room and waited for her to get home. With every minute that went by, the angrier he got. Finally, she entered the front door.

"Why didn't you tell me you and Shyla were planning on going to Florida for two weeks?" Jake was almost yelling as he stood up from the sofa.

"Does it matter? It's not like you had something planned with either one of us," Lydia replied flatly.

"Nothing concrete, but I did want to do something as a family before our *only *child started college! And why didn't you want me to come?"

"I figured you wouldn't want to! You and my mother have never gotten along! Look, I'm sorry. I should've told you. You've just been so busy with work and so distant since...well, you know, since last year when I...messed up I figured a couple weeks alone would do you some good. You could clear your mind and enjoy the peace and quiet."

"I'm sorry too," Jake softened his tone a little, "I haven't meant to be distant lately."

"I don't blame you. I can't imagine how you must feel after...what I did to you...to us. You know, I wouldn't blame you if had an affair behind *my * back."

Jake, confused at his wife's statement, changed the subject.

"So when are you girls leaving?"

"Our flight leaves tonight at 9," Lydia answered.

"That soon, huh?"

"Yeah. I'd better go pack. I'm sorry for not telling you," she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. It was a tight hug of sincere apology.

Lydia and Shyla finished packing their things and Jake drove them to the airport. It was hard for him to come home to an empty house, but he figured if he threw himself into work these two weeks would fly by. He went to work the next day as usual, but when he got home he was alone with his thoughts again. He called Lydia and Shyla to make sure they were all right and having a good time. He tried to find something on television, but nothing interested him. He kept thinking about what Lydia had said, about how she wouldn't blame him if he had an affair. Did she just give me a green light to cheat without coming out and saying it? Is that why she left me here alone for two weeks? Is she giving me an opportunity to have an affair? Why else would she have said that? Maybe that's what I need to move on and have a happy marriage again...' As he was deep in confusion and thought, he was startled by the doorbell. It's ten o'clock at night. Who could possibly be knocking at this hour?' he thought to himself as he got up from the living room sofa to answer the door. It was Alex. Jake was surprised to see him standing there.

"Yes?" he asked him, trying not to show his adrenaline rush that Alex was standing on his porch this late at night.

"Hey I wanted to apologize again for the other day. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot," he said genuinely and sincerely.

"It's all right, don't worry about it. Hey, um, would you like to come in? Maybe have a drink? I know you're not old enough to drink alcohol, but I've got soda and stuff," Jake asked. What am I doing?!' he thought to himself, did I just invite him in at ten o'clock at night? What am I thinking?'

"Sure," Alex replied with no hesitation whatsoever and walked inside. Jake walked to the refrigerator and got out to Coca Colas and handed Alex one.

"Thanks," he grinned. `There's that smile again,' thought Jake. They were both silent for a moment drinking their sodas, both sitting on stools next to one another at the breakfast bar.

"I also wanted to ask you if you'd thought about my offer," Alex said out of nowhere, piercing the silence. What he said cut through Jake like a knife. What was he going to do now?

"I mean," Alex continued, "it really seems like you are attracted to me and when I dragged my lip across yours you didn't pull away immediately. You invited me in your house at ten o'clock at night when you're the only one home. Shyla told me she and her mom would be gone for two weeks. Am I wrong or am I really seeing all these things?"

Jake didn't know how to answer, except to say softly, almost in a whisper, "No. No, you're not wrong. I just don't know what this all means. I've never been attracted to another man, especially not one so much younger than I am. There's just something about you I guess."

"Well, you're a very attractive man. I'd love to find out what it is about me that you like," Alex replied as he gently took the soda from Jake's hand, set it on the breakfast bar, and stood up, pulling on Jake's hands to meet him in a standing position. As he gazed into the shocking green eyes of this young man, who despite his age was ironically far more sexually experienced than himself in terms of number of partners, a mixture of excitement and nervousness arose in Jake and he could feel himself beginning to tremble as Alex moved closer to him and their lips met fully for the first time. A jolt of anxiety shot through Jake as he stepped outside of the code of morality and rules that had structured his entire existence. Despite his efforts not to, he'd fantasized about this moment several times, and now that it was actually happening it felt surreal. Alex's hand began to caress Jake's body; first his arm, then his neck, then his back, and Jake's body was numb everywhere except where Alex was touching at the moment. His sensitivity was heightened and he was reminded of the newness and adrenaline fueled desire from the first time he'd ever had sex. He didn't realize how much he missed that feeling until this moment.

"Are you sure you want this?" Alex asked Jake as he stopped kissing and pulled away from him. Jake answered by grabbing Alex's head and furiously kissing him. That was all the encouragement Alex needed, and they were now vigorously kissing with animalistic desire. Without even considering his actions, Jake began peeling off clothing. First his button down work shirt, then his tank top underneath. Alex stopped kissing for a moment to drink in the beauty of Jake's muscular, lightly sun kissed body.

"Nice," he grinned, and kept kissing Jake. Alex then began to remove his clothing. His sleeveless black T-shirt was first. Then he started loosening his belt and button on his black jeans. Jake did the same with his belt and pants, and the two never stopped kissing. They were now converged together, their arms wrapped around one another's bodies as Alex began pushing Jake towards the couch. Once they arrived, still kissing, Alex broke the kiss and pushed Jake down onto the couch and gently lay on top of him. The continued kissing and Alex started moving to Jake's cheek, then his ear, where he licked the outside of it so gently and sensually and whispered, "I've wanted this ever since the first time I saw you. You're so fuckin' hot." He then kept kissing down Jake's neck, to his chest, to his stomach, until he reached the open fly of his pants. He gently pulled them and Jake's boxer briefs down to his mid-thigh. Here Jake was now, fully exposed to the object of his forbidden desire. But instead of feeling uneasy and like what he was doing was wrong, he felt overwhelmed with a feeling of excitement, righteousness, and adrenaline fueled anxiety. A wonderful anxiety the likes of which he'd never felt before, not even during his first time with Lydia.

"You're awfully hard for never being attracted to another guy," Alex grinned up at Jake as he wrapped his hand around Jake's stiffened manhood. "Nice size too," he added as he licked his lips and slowly began easing Jake into his mouth. The pleasure that arose in Jake was unlike anything he'd ever experienced and he thought he might cum right then, but he didn't want to. He wanted this to last forever. As Alex's head bobbed up and down and he ran his tongue up and down the length of Jake's dick, Jake began to moan with intense ecstasy. Every muscle in his body started to tighten and he could feel himself getting closer to orgasm against his will. Alex must have been able to tell because he stopped.

"Don't cum yet," he said, "my turn now and then I want you to fuck me."

Jake instantly grew nervous at the thought that Alex wanted him to return the favor of oral sex.

"I don't know how," he confessed.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. Just do what you would like done to you," Alex replied as he stood up and once again pulled on Jake's hands, this time to bring him to a sitting position in front of him. Jake could feel his hands trembling as he reached up to pull down Alex's pants and boxers. He decided he was just going to copy what Alex did, and began by wrapping his hand around Alex's smooth, hard dick. He looked up at Alex with a look of severe uneasiness.

"It's okay," Alex whispered with a smile. That smile again. Jake slowly began putting his mouth on Alex's dick and moving it in and out. As Alex began to sigh heavily, Jake gained some confidence and began to speed up. He rested his hands on Alex's thighs and slowly and sensually slid them up and down. Alex's breaths and moans became quickened and more aroused. Jake began to feel euphoric as he maintained his steady rhythm of movement, and it was as if he were floating away from himself down a river of beautiful numbness. Suddenly Alex stopped him.

"I don't want to finish yet either," he said as he pulled himself out of Jake's mouth, "I've got other plans for you."

He reached into the back pocket of his jeans, took a condom out of his wallet, and opened it. Then he kicked off his shoes, pants, and underwear. Jake was frozen. It was as though he had never been in a situation like this before. Alex was patient and forgiving, however, and he knelt down in front of Jake to finish removing the clothing from the lower half of Jake's body. He kissed him passionately once more before whispering "lay back." Jake did as requested, and Alex put the condom on Jake with a sultry smirk on his face. He climbed on top of him and while straddling his waist with his knees on either side, bent down to passionately kiss him again. Jake jumped slightly with anticipation as he felt Alex grab his dick from behind himself and slowly guide it into him. Alex sat down. Jake was all the way inside the object of his forbidden desire now. Alex took Jake's hand and guided it toward his crotch, and Jake began stroking Alex's rock hard dick. He closed his eyes as Alex's rhythm and speed began to increase, and their moans began to reach heights of new and undefined intensity. A feeling of utopian pleasure unlike anything Jake had ever felt before suddenly reached its peak in one brilliant flash as he felt himself cumming inside Alex, and Alex cumming all over Jake's chest. As they both emitted exclamations of ecstasy, Alex's speed began to slow, and so did both of their breathing. They sat still for a few moments, both out of breath, both lightly perspiring. Alex leaned down to kiss Jake before lying on his chest. Jake didn't realize it was happening at the moment, but he was falling into blissful slumber...

Daylight broke through the crack in the curtains and Jake awoke with a start. Wow,' he thought to himself, that was an incredibly realistic dream.' However, as he went to roll over, he noticed that he was still on his living room couch, and although he had been covered by a blanket; he was still nude. He heard a noise coming from the kitchen and lifted his head slightly to see Alex busying himself cooking breakfast. The aroma of pancakes and bacon hit him next. He sat up, found his clothes, and got dressed.

"Oh good, you're up," Alex grinned, "I'm making us some breakfast. I hope that's okay."

Jake couldn't believe this moment of surrealism. He couldn't remember the last time Lydia had cooked breakfast for him. If there had in fact ever even been a time.

"No, that's great," Jake grinned back. They ate and conversed pleasantly. Alex told Jake about his family, and that the man he lived with was a stepfather because his biological father was in prison for drugs, and that he'd only seen him twice in his whole life. He told him about his little sister, and how upset he got if anyone called her his "half-sister." Jake told Alex about Lydia and her affair, and how they had tried to keep it a secret from Shyla and their families. Jake admitted that he was very upset when he learned that Shyla had found out somehow because he felt guilty for making her worry about her parents possibly getting divorced, and that he had suspected Lydia of telling Shyla. He felt closer to Alex after that meal together than he had to anyone in a very long time, and it didn't take long after the meal was over until Jake began feeling the urge to be intimate with Alex again, even though when the recollection of the previous night hit him upon awakening, he felt awkward about it. Alex reciprocated Jake's advances, and the two were soon entwined in sexual embrace on the sofa again.

This whirlwind physical love affair continued for the entire duration of Lydia and Shyla's two week absence. Jake and Alex had sex all over Jake's house: in the pool, in his and Lydia's marital bed, on the stairs, in the kitchen, in the dining room. When Lydia or Shyla would call, Jake would talk to them as if everything were the same old same old, but upon hanging up the phone would go right back to gleeful and youthful sex play with Alex. He had called into work saying that he needed paid sick leave for "some sort of flu bug or something," and had no problem whatsoever getting it granted. On the last night before Lydia and Shyla were to return home, Alex said he had a confession to make as the two lay in Jake's hammock together looking up at the night sky, wrapped in each other's arms.

"I have a confession to make, too," said Jake, "these two weeks have been the best time I've ever had. I feel so young and alive and...free. But...you have to understand it can't continue like this once my family gets home. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I do," Alex replied sullenly, "and that's part of what my confession is about."

Jake, realizing this might be serious, sat up and faced Alex.

"What is it?" Jake asked, concerned.

"Well...I knew about your wife's affair. Before you told me," he answered.

"How?"

"Shyla told me. The night I went to the movies with her and her friends. After the movie she was kind of sitting by herself all quiet. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was worried about her parents. When I asked her why, she seemed like she didn't want to get into it, but that she really needed to let it out, so she told me that last year her mom had an affair and it almost broke you guys up and that she thinks her mom might be doing it again because her parents haven't been seeming to get along very well lately. She started crying and I felt so bad for her. I know how it feels to be the product of a broken home: it sucks. That's when I started thinking maybe if you had an affair, the score would be even and you guys could start over. And when I noticed the way you seemed to look at me, I thought maybe I could be the affair..."

Jake was dumbfounded. He didn't know what to say.

"So this whole thing...this whole time...you had this whole damn thing planned? Is this some kind of joke to you? This is my life! You're just playing games with people's lives!" Jake yelled at Alex as he stood up from the hammock.

"No I -- " Alex tried to combat the verbal attack but was unsuccessful.

"Get out! Get the fuck out of my house! Get the fuck out of my life! I don't ever want to see your face again! Stay away from my home, stay away from my family, and stay the fuck away from me! Go!"

Alex gathered his shoes and briskly walked to the side gate to leave.

"I want you to know I was trying to help!" he said as he continued walking.

"I don't care! It wasn't your fucking business! Just go!" Jake exclaimed and went into his house through the back door, slamming and locking it behind him. He took the hottest shower he could stand to try to wash the feeling of Alex's touch off of him, but he couldn't. Why did I get so mad?' he wondered, he was right, in a way. I was thinking that maybe if I had an affair that it would be easier to move forward with Lydia. *She *was even thinking that! Oh my God, what am I going to do now?'

He finished his shower and stayed up until 2:45 a.m. cleaning the house from top to bottom to get rid of any trace that someone else had been there. He found it hard to sleep that night, but he was lightly dozing when his alarm clock started blasting. Eight o'clock,' he thought, time to make my move. I just hope I'm doing the right thing.'

"Daddy? Daddy? Are you home?" Shyla's voice rang throughout the house a little after 9 o'clock p.m.

"Yeah, in here honey," Jake called to her from his office, "I'm going to have to call you back, okay? Okay, thank you so much. Bye," he said into the telephone and hung it up as Shyla walked in.

"There's my girl! How was your trip?" he asked enthusiastically as he vigorously hugged her.

"It was great, Daddy," she giggled, "you're in an awfully good mood! What's going on? Who were you on the phone with?"

"Well, I'm going to get to that, but first, is Mom here with you?"

"Yeah, she's in the living room I think."

"Great. Let's go talk to her. I want to tell you girls together."

Jake and Shyla rushed into the living room where Lydia sat on the couch with a look of boredom and dread of being home.

"Hey babe," Jake said as he leaned down to kiss his wife on the cheek, "I got some big news!"

Lydia looked pleasantly surprised at her husband's demeanor, and she smiled a smile that Jake hadn't seen in years.

"What is it?" she asked cautiously.

"Well...where have you always said you wanted to live since the very first day I've known you?" he asked Lydia.

"The country. So?"

"And what did I always say?"

"That you'd never live there because you like the city," her smile faded some.

"Well what if I told you that...I changed my mind and I bought us a house in...Fern Rapids?"

"Fern Rapids?! Where we spent our honeymoon?! I loved it there! Jake, you didn't! Why -- what -- where is all this coming from?"

"I did a lot of thinking these past two weeks and I want to start over. I realize how much I love you and how badly I want to make us work. We're a family. I realized I haven't made any kind of sacrifice for you in a long time and maybe I'm partly to blame for what happened last year. I just want to start new, and I want to give you something you've always wanted to show you how serious I am about it. I took out our savings this morning, called our real estate agent and we went up to Fern Rapids and found the perfect place and put the deposit on it. It's ours!"

"Oh, Jake! I want to start over too. I love you so much!"

They hugged and kissed for what felt like the first real time in over a year.

"Oh, and Shyla, it's close enough that you can still attend Walden," Jake said.

Shyla grinned with excitement and said, "Dad, this is the coolest thing you've *ever *done!

Later that night, Lydia and Jake had a nice long talk and Jake discovered that his worst fears were not realized; Lydia had not had a second affair. She was only being distant because she was contemplating divorce, but once she discovered that Jake wanted to work on the marriage as much as she did, divorce was the furthest thing from her mind. It seemed to be an almost unspoken understanding that some event had taken place to awaken this spark in Jake again, but Lydia didn't ask and Jake didn't tell.

Three weeks went by and the Ruskins' moving day was finally here. They had packed up all their belongings and called several movers to help them with their excursion. Jake decided he'd fill in the final piece to the move by hammering in a "For Sale" sign in the front lawn. As he was almost done, he saw Alex out in his driveway shooting a basketball into a hoop and trying not to look over at Jake. This was the first time Jake had seen him since the night he told him to get out, and somehow now all the allure was taken away from him. He was just some young kid shooting hoops in his driveway. Jake decided he couldn't leave things the way they were, so he headed over to talk to Alex one last time.

"Hey, I just wanted to apol -- " he began.

"Don't worry about it. I know you were upset," Alex grinned at him. Still nothing.

"Well, I also wanted to thank you," said Jake.

"For what?"

"You were right. You were exactly what I needed to get my life and my marriage back on track. I think we're going to be able to start over and be a family again. So thanks."

"It was my pleasure," Alex grinned again, and held out his hand to shake. Jake grasped it and squeezed, and then through his other arm around Alex's back.

"You take care of yourself, okay?" Jake smiled.

"Yeah, you too. See ya," Alex smiled back. Jake walked back across the street and finished hammering in his sign. He, Lydia, and Shyla were in their new home by the end of the day, and just like they'd hoped it was exactly what their life and marriage called for. Lydia knew what must have happened, but she was content not knowing the details. Neither she nor Jake ever strayed again, nor did either one ever bring Jake's forbidden secret to light.

-THE END -