Chapter Four: A Little Bit More Than Just Homesick
"That was highly uncalled for!" I bitterly announced.
"It worked didn't it?" he said looking down at my pants.
I looked down at my shorts and noticed that my bulge was gone.
"Okay so it's gone but the whole `dump ice on Justin' idea was not what I was thinking was going to happen," I replied rummaging through my closet for a blanket. "Where did you get all that ice in the first place?"
"Well before you moved in, my mom left some ice in the basement just in case you needed ice."
"I have a basement?"
"Yeah. Are you telling me that you don't even know what's in your house?"
"If you haven't noticed, I don't really use much of `my' house I just use my room and the kitchen that's basically it."
"I'll keep that in mind. So anyway, what were you expecting?"
"Oh um..."
"Were you expecting me to do something to you sexually?"
"Well in the way you implied with your words, it kind of sounded like you were going to."
"I'm not into guys like you are, Justin."
"Well maybe when you say you're going to `help me', be more specific next time."
"Duly noted. Here let me help you."
Lucas walked up to me and gently pushed me aside. He quickly found a blanket in the closet and wrapped it around me. I swallowed my pride and just stood there.
"There. That better?"
"Yeah. Thanks," I mumbled.
"What's wrong now?"
"It's nothing," I lied. "It's dark out. I think it's best if we just hit the sack."
We both headed for the couch which left me puzzled.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to sleep on the couch."
"You're a guest. Take my room, I'll sleep on the couch."
"I'm fine on the couch."
"I insist."
Lucas nodded his head and walked towards my room.
"Hey Lucas?"
"Yeah?"
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight Justin. Sleep well," Lucas said as he got to my room and shut the door.
I walked towards the light switch and shut up all the light in the house. I tiptoed back to the couch and lied there. I knew I was supposed to go to bed but I simply couldn't. This isn't me at all. I have my crush staying in my house, in my room. What am I doing just staying here on this leather couch? This isn't like me at all. If I were still back home, I would be doing everything in my power to be in the same bed with him but all I'm doing is being--more mature?
No, this can't possibly be about me. I miss home. I miss everything about home. I hate being here. I want to go home. This has been nothing more than a disaster for me. Me? Why do I keep talking about myself? Am I really this selfish? Suddenly tears started streaming down my face.
CREEEAK
Shit, I must have woken up Lucas with all my whimpering. Clenching the blanket Lucas wrapped me earlier, I walked towards the sliding door leading towards the yard, slid the door open and walked out. I silently shut the door and found a hammock outside between two trees. I walked barefoot in the grass and dumped myself into the hammock. Lying there starring into the pitch darkness, I began my ugly cries again. When I thought I was all alone I heard rustling behind me in the grass but I was too full of myself that I was too busy to even check. Whatever was in the grass could hunt me down for all I cared.
Within seconds the rustling stopped, it just stopped. I felt a presence near me but like I have already stated I was too full of myself to even bother to look. Something was defiantly in the hammock with me, because it delve closer to the ground and I felt a warm object on my shoulder.
"I knew something was bothering you. What's wrong?" Lucas asked.
"It's nothing, I-I just. This is just too much for me. I mean I'm used to relocating to some place different. I do that a lot because my parents don't like to stay in one place but I've never done anything alone. But it's not just that. It's the fact that I'm alone. My friends and family, I can't contact them. I'm forbidden to because if I do, I'm begging for my death wish. I miss everyone and I can't do anything. It's true what everyone has been saying about me. I'm weak. My biggest fear has come to life."
"Your biggest fear? What's that?"
"To be alone. I hate being alone. I can't stand it. I lose myself when I'm alone. Crying is all I can do when my surfaces."
"Justin, sit up."
"What?"
"Sit up."
"I-I"
"Just trust me on this. Sit up."
I slowly sat up. I felt the hammock sway left to right. Lucas put his arms around me and pulled me into him. I lied there with both of us facing each other. It's been a while since I've been really close to another man like this. But this was weird. Instead of feeling something sexual I felt homey. It was unusual.
"What are you doing? I thought you said that you weren't--"
"I'm not."
"Then what is this?"
"You said that your fear is being alone. I'm here for you. You won't be alone and I'm showing it to you."
"Until Brett comes along then you'll turn all mushy and go to him."
"No, I've decided to stay by your side. You deserve it. Plus you support me in everything that I want to pursue in life. Plus we both share something."
"What's that?"
"I fear, I fear being lonely. I fear that when high school is over. I won't be anything to the world but just a follower. I want to make something of my life and show my mom that she can proud of me. When you said that you were alone I felt your pain because I've been alone my whole life."
"Alone? How is that possible? You have everyone behind you. No one hates you. Everyone loves you. You're popular with everyone."
"Popularity isn't everything. It has consequences. With being top dog, everyone worships the ground I walk on. They all adore me but they know me like you do."
"I see you're point. Goodnight Lucas," I whispered as I snuggled up against him.
"Hey Justin, before you go to bed--"
"What?"
"If I were gay, I would go for you in heartbeat."
"Thanks, Lucas."
"Goodnight."