Finish Something

Finish Something 4

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When I got back to Montreal, I found myself thinking about the past, about my year in Toronto, and hanging out with Sean. I realize now he thought we were having some kind of epic relationship, but for me, as much as I liked him and liked the sex we had, it was just a friendship of sorts. I didn't want any ties to anyone in those days and in some ways that's still true.

I realize now that he's the kind of guy who wants to find someone and stick with them. That's why he's so hurt when things don't work out. But I get the sense that spending time with James has helped him loosen up about all that. James is a very cool guy. I could see why Sean stuck with him for so long but I don't think he realizes that James is totally in love with him.

What Sean also doesn't know is about the reason I left at the end of my first year in Toronto was how difficult it was. I was a mess, but not because of him. It's not like I didn't tell him the truth: that he was young and didn't know anything about relationships. That part I had to tell him.

What he didn't know was how fucked up I was. My family was coming down hard, and even though they lived in Saskatchewan, they seemed to be reaching out to drag me back spouting all kinds of nonsense about God and staying on the right path. And I hadn't even come out to them.

So I fled further east to Montreal and into a different language where I assumed they wouldn't dare look for me, which in the end, was true.

But I felt bad nonetheless about Sean. He was in love with me and I didn't know what to do because at that point in my life, I wasn't in love with anyone, least of all myself. So I panicked and left town, leaving him only a note. I knew it was going to be hard for him and that he would be totally pissed with me, but I didn't know what else to do.

I adapted and learned French, even though I was at McGill, an English university. I learned French because I wanted to stay and to stay in Quebec, you have to speak French. Along the way I had a bunch of short relationships, but none of them stuck. Except for Marcel. He stuck for a while. I think maybe a year, but I just couldn't do it. My mind and my body both wandered.

It's not like Marcel wasn't sexual enough, or intimate enough. Far from it. He was quiet and seemingly buttoned-down, but in bed...well that was another story! I met him at a pub near McGill where I found him alone at the bar looking forlorn. He had just finished an exam that he assumed he had failed. I cheered him up and to my surprise, he agreed to come back to my apartment.

I assumed we would have a quiet night and some intense cuddling, but I was wrong. As soon as my door was shut, he lunged at me and kissed me hungrily, all the while pulling at the button of my jeans. Once he had them open, he stroked my growing cock and continuing to explore my mouth with his tongue. He leaned back and yanked my pants down. My cock was aching and I became a bit dominant, so I pushed him down to his knees. He didn't need any encouragement. He grabbed the base of my cock and began licking the head, sucking it in and twirling his tongue on the underside, still jacking the base of it. I managed to gasp, "You should slow down unless you want a mouthful." He ignored me and kept going and before long, because it was so intense, I unloaded into his mouth so hard I had to grab his head to keep from falling over.

He didn't swallow and I wondered if he would spit it out, but instead he stood up and kissed me, filling my mouth with my cum. I was beyond turned on and I swallowed myself. I dragged him to the bed and threw him down. I found some lube while he ripped his pants off. We seemed to have an unspoken understanding and without either of us saying a word, I slid his cock in my ass as I kneeled on top of him. Instead of me in charge of the pace, he began to fuck me, pushing me up every time, his thrusts starting fast and getting faster and faster.

Both of us were on fast forward and I knew he wouldn't last. His eyes were closed and his face was red and sweaty. His grip on my hips got even tighter and then with a last shove upwards, he came with a shudder, and a few more lazy thrusts. I could feel myself getting wet and slippery and I collapsed on him, my face buried in his neck. I could feel his cock slip out of me.

We lay like that for a while, half-dozing. It had been so intense and so fast. I could still taste myself, and I knew I wanted more of what we had just done. But after a few minutes, I dozed off.

When I woke, he had straddled me and was rubbing his cock over my lips. He was just watching my face and when I became more conscious, I opened my mouth and he slid himself in, bending forward and leaning one arm against the wall. I had never been with someone so...uninhibited and not afraid to get what he wanted. He slowly began to fuck my mouth and with an intensity that pulled me along with him. He didn't say anything, just slid his cock in and out with increasing force. To go from sleep to a cock in my mouth in a matter of minutes was almost too much.

But when he came -- without warning -- I was somehow ready. He gushed into me, then pulled out and more cum hit my lips and chin. He began to laugh, as if he was a little kid who had discovered something new. When the last spurt hit my tongue, he leaned down and kissed me, licking his cum off my face and sharing it with me. I had never met anyone so into cum before. Just like Sean, I was new to things as well.

We ended up staying in bed for a couple of days and he never really left after that. At least until he did. Which wasn't his idea. I still don't quite understand why I ended it. I wonder if his sexual freedom scared me. What I do know is guys who are more introverted and who don't let go of their inhibitions easily are often more interesting to me. Like Sean.

I suppose that is what I realized when I got back to Montreal. After all these years, I remembered why I was drawn to Sean. I could still feel it. So I texted him.

Hey Sean. It was so great to see you -- and hang out with you (and James!). I would love to see you again, if you're game. Let me know.

I didn't get a response for a while, which made me wonder if I had done something wrong, or it he was freaked out. But in a few days he texted me to ask if we could skype.

I saw his face appear on my laptop. "Tim. How are you?"

"I'm doing well. What do you think about coming to Montreal some weekend?"

He looked uncomfortable. "Well...that would be nice. But...James and I. Well, we decided we might try actually dating."

"Wow. After all this time? But you know, I'm not surprised. You two have been hooking up for ages. It makes sense."

"You're right. It does make sense. It's not like we're exclusive, or getting married or anything...we're just...trying something new."

"Well, that's great. In the meantime, why don't you come to Montreal? Or even both of you."

Sean again looked uncomfortable. "I'm not sure..."

I decided to push a bit. "Come on...it'll be fun. I really enjoyed hanging out with you. Both of you."

"Let me ask James."

"Good." I knew that meant they were coming, because I could tell that James was an adventurous type.

So they arrived a few weeks later by train. Gare Centrale was busy that Friday, but I saw James' blonde head right away when they made it to the main hall. I hugged them both and they seemed happy, and excited.

I had made them a nice dinner and afterward, we relaxed in the living room. They were asking questions about things to do in Montreal. But I had other things in mind. I left the chair I was in and sat down between them on the sofa, and James just smiled his cryptic smile.

"So...it's great to see you again." I leaned to one side and kissed James, who immediately responded.

James leaned back, his lips wet which he licked, and slid his hand between my legs. "Sean and I really enjoyed ourselves the last time, so we were both glad you suggested me come here."

To my amazement, Sean had undone his pants already, his cock out and hard. He was watching James, and stroking himself with a little smirk on his face. This was not the Sean I remembered from twenty years ago. James looked over at him and laughed. "Some of us are more eager than others."

Sean laughed. "What can I say. I had fun and I want more."

Not to be outdone, I stood up and began to take my clothes off. James slide over and leaned down and started to suck Sean's cock. He licked his way down to his balls, while Sean managed to slide out of his pants. I was naked and my cock was rigid and wet already. This was far more exciting than I expected. I knelt down and undid James pants and yanked them off, pulling his underwear half off with them. He was wearing blinding white boxer briefs that I always love.

I decided to let myself go, so I began to lick the crack of his ass, sliding my tongue into him making his hips writhe into the sofa. He was still sucking Sean who watched us both, looking hungry. I had left some lube out so I sat up and grabbed it from the side table. It's good to be prepared.

Sean smiled at me as I dribbled lube into James ass, massaging it into his asshole with my fingers. I could hear James moaning into Sean's cock. I made my own slippery, then I began to slide my cock up and down the crack of his ass, something I like, so I hoped he would as well. I had to prop myself up on my hands to make the movement smooth.

I realized I was amazed that this was happening, that the person I knew all those years ago was here, now, in this situation with his boyfriend and me. Yet Sean seemed to be suffused with pleasure and was having no trouble expressing it as James' continued to suck him down.

My cock caught at James' hole, so I began to slide it in, and I didn't take a lot of care. I was feeling an intensity and urgency that amazed me and I drove myself into him so that my face met his as he worked on Sean's dick. My hips began to move and I pushed myself back and forth, feeling the length of me go all the way in, mashing him into the sofa. Each time I thrust, James would moan, his mouth full of Sean. He pulled back at one point, breathing heavily, his eyes closed. I reached out and pulled Sean's dick into my mouth, still driving my hips deep into James.

I was finding it difficult in this position, so I pulled my torso up and propped my arms so I could get better traction. I felt Sean's hands on my head and then I realized he was moving so he could push his cock back into my mouth. I looked up at him and his face was both excited and something else. As if what we were doing was some kind of logical conclusion to what we had done twenty years ago.

I found this added to my excitement, and I started moving faster, and Sean pushed himself all the way to the back of my throat, then slid out. I coordinated his rhythm with mine. I could taste the juices running into my mouth from his cock and sweat was dripping onto James neck from my face. I could smell heat and animal musk. I have always liked being with two others, but this seemed in another league.

Sean was gasping as he drove his cock into my mouth. He slid his hand down to the base of his cock and began jacking it as it slid out.. No one said anything, but the sound of our breathing seemed loud in the room. As I got faster it seemed like my destination was just out of reach which made me go faster still. I was pounding into James and I hoped it wasn't too much, but he seemed to be transported as his eyes were closed and he had turned his head to one side. I glanced down and then he opened his eyes and watched Sean's cock slide into my mouth.

With a gasp above me, I felt Sean's cock go rigid, then streams of cum poured into my mouth. I could barely swallow it came so fast, so I let it drip out of my mouth onto James' face. I was amazed at how much spurted into me, and the taste set me off and I found my destination with a gasp as I spit Sean's cock out, still streaming cum which, when I glanced down, James was trying to catch on his tongue.

I was filling Jame's ass and I was getting weak with pleasure until I collapsed onto him, gasping. He was sweaty and so was I and it felt like we would stick together. I looked up at Sean who had now leaned back, his cock still hard and wet with his cum. I leaned forward a little and sucked it clean. My back was getting tired, so I pulled out of James slowly, then almost fell off the sofa and sat, leaning against it, still catching my breath.

James slid forward so his head was on Sean's stomach who was stroking his hair. They looked so comfortable together. When I first knew Sean, comfortable was not a word I would have used. But seeing those two, I realized he had found it. I managed to find some words.

"You two...are so beautiful together. You seem so at ease."

I watched Sean's face and he was clearly moved. James said "Yeah. We are." He turned and kissed Sean's belly. Sean just looked at me for a moment.

"I gotta say," and then he stopped, as if trying not to cry, "I think it's because of you that we...kinda got it." He looked down at James. "At least I think so..."

James laughed. "Yeah. We got it." He pulled himself up further and they kissed.

I realized I was feeling a lot. Sadness, I guess. It seemed that -- even though I couldn't have done anything different back then -- I had missed an opportunity. Sean had grown up and found James. I had...what? Then I though of Marcel and my stomach hurt.

I heard James' voice. "I don't know about you guys, but I think I need to go to bed. I mean sleep. Is that cool?"

I laughed, relieved to be pulled from my little pool of regret. "Of course. Your bedroom is down the hall.

"You going to sleep alone?"

"Alone...?"

James nodded, and then Sean said "Yeah. I think after all that we can share a bed, don't you think?"

I realized they were right, and more to the point, it was what I wanted. I led them to my bedroom and we all piled in with me in the middle. James wrapped himself around my back, and Sean entangled himself so we were almost face-to-face, our now soft cocks nestled together. I realized how lovely it felt and safe. I hadn't slept with anyone like this for a long time, least of all with two people and it felt almost sad to think that I rarely had this opportunity. Again, Marcel came to mind for a second. I almost started to cry. I nestled my face into Sean's neck and after a time of just smelling these two men who had wrapped me up in their bodies, I fell asleep.

I woke to bright sunlight pouring through the bedroom window. I also could feel a mouth on my cock, a tongue tickling the underside. Then two mouths, one sucking on my balls. I opened my eyes and looked down. Sean and James were both lying so they could reach my cock. I watched them work, and I began to moan, and push my hips upward. James began to jack my cock while holding the head in his mouth and Sean had spread my legs and was lapping at my hole, jamming in his tongue. The intensity first thing in the morning made my head spin, but soon enough, I could feel myself lose control and I grabbed James' head and forced my exploding cock deeper in his mouth.

James lifted his head, grinning, but I could tell he hadn't swallowed. He turned to Sean and spat my cum onto his own cock, making is messy and slippery, then he pushed Sean back and slid his cock into him, the movement not stopping until he was kissing him while starting to push his hips forward. The two of them seemed so in sync. I was amazed again at the comfort they had with each other. James was fucking really fast while they kissed. I just sat and watched them, fascinated. After a few minutes, James gave a low moan and stopped pumping for a second, then resumed, but more wildly and a slower. It was clear he had cum, and Sean pushed him back and jerked himself quickly so that a pool of cum shot out of his cock all over his chest. James leaned down and licked some of it, and swallowed.

He flopped on the bed again beside Sean and they kissed for a while. While I didn't feel excluded, I did feel an absence. I guess this is why I wanted to see Sean again, but, I realized, this was not what I had actually wanted. I wanted Sean. But that clearly was not to be, as much as the two of them seemed to enjoy what we had done. I got the sense that they were a unit now and in all the best ways. Finally I had to change the channel in my head, so I said,

"Who wants coffee?"

Sean opened his eyes and laughed. "Of course!"

Later, after a nice breakfast, I sent the two lovebirds off to a museum and I sat in the living room contemplating how I felt. After all these years of determined independence, I found myself lonely. This was not part of the plan. It was as if re-visiting that time two decades ago had woken up a part of me that thought it was asleep -- or would stay asleep. Fuck! I always told myself that I was not built for relationships, but spending time with Sean was telling me that, in fact, it was exactly what I wanted.

I threw my head back and stared at the ceiling. Then I sighed. It was a sigh of defeat, but defeat in the sense of acceptance. Letting go of something that I didn't know I needed to release. I picked up my phone and found Marcel's number. I had not spoken with him in a couple of years. We occasionally exchanged basic news, but never really had a conversation. He seemed to be fine with us checking in every so often so I would reach out. It was about time anyway, but I knew this time might be different.

The phone rang for a while. I thought about texting, but I wanted to hear his voice.

"Allo."

"Hi Marcel."

"Tim! How are you?"

"I'm fine." I felt awkward, even though this is how we always talked on the phone. "How are things?"

"Just fine. It's nice to hear from you."

I felt even more awkward. "I...I wonder if you want to have a coffee sometime."

There was silence on the other end. "A coffee...?"

"I know, I know. We haven't actually seen each other in a while..."

"Like three years..."

"Right. It's been a while. But...I want to see you, I guess that's the point."

There was another silence. "Well, ok, I guess. I don't really understand why, but fine. How about Saturday?"

So we agreed to meet at a coffee shop we used to go to. I was nervous because I had no idea what I wanted from him, but I did know that I wanted to say a few things to him. It was as if I needed to prove something to myself or understand something.

I put the phone down and sat for a while, thinking about the first time he and I had met. How exciting it was, how free. Why exactly had I turned away from him?