Finish Something

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Sean,

Of course I remember you and it's great to hear from you! It's been a long time. I'm glad you looked me up and I would love to get together. Since I'm in Montreal this could be tricky, but I will be in Toronto (assuming that's where you are) next week. Do you want to get dinner and catch up?

Tim

When I looked at my email, I was a little stunned. I really had not expected to hear from him. I was also struck by the little shiver of excitement I felt. But I pulled myself together and answered his email. We arranged to meet on the following Wednesday at a little place I sometimes go to on Queen St.

In the meantime, James and I ended up at a little jazz place where we had some nice pasta and sailed along on the music. It was at moments like this that I wondered why James and I had never tried something more serious -- at least something that required more attention. We were so comfortable together and we talked easily and enjoyed the same music. But I had always had the sense that James needed to feel in control. Not so much between us sexually -- although he liked that a lot and so did I -- but more in the emotional sense. I think vulnerability scares him. And I am often vulnerable, sometimes to a fault.

He turned away from the sax player and looked at me for a second. "So about Tim...what will that be like to see him after all these years?"

I met his gaze, and said "I have no idea. But a part of me is very curious."

"You said this wasn't some fantasy that you could pick up where you left off...but it does kind of seem that way."

"I know, I know. I can't explain it. By all rights I should still be pissed at him, or I should have been carrying a torch for him but neither has been true. I just started to think about him and it feels like...I don't know...like I need to say some things."

"Like what?" I could tell he was lawyering me a bit, but I actually needed that.

"Like how angry I was. But that I understand now why he ditched me the way he did. That I'm not mad at him any more..."

"...and that you're not the same person you were?"

"Something like that. But I also want to see what's different about him. I know it's just a picture, but he looked so different. I guess I'm curious."

James looked at me for a moment. I could tell he was considering all this and coming up with a verdict, so I intervened. "You wanna come over and help me repaint the kitchen?"

He grinned at me and I felt his unshod foot slipping between my legs under the table, his toes massaging my hardening cock. I gripped his foot with between my legs. "I'll take that as a yes."

We got to my house in a cab. His hand was in my pants the whole way and I hoped the cab driver either didn't care or didn't notice. But it was fun. Being with James always felt like the adolescence I never had which made it all the sweeter.

We barely made it into the house before James had my pants open and his hand in my underwear, stroking my hardness. I did the same and yanked his dress pants down. I got on my knees and sucked the end of his cock through his red underwear. He smelled like vanilla and his usual James musk and his cock was hot on my lips. I slid the underwear down and he stepped out of them. I licked his balls, sucking them in, feeling the stubble on my tongue, tasting salt and a day's worth of sweat which made me growl.

I licked my way up the shaft of his dick all the while exploring his asshole with a few fingers. I didn't normally go for his ass, but tonight I was in the mood. He grunted and gasped as I worked. Over the time we'd done this, we both realized we could try almost anything with each other and we would be into it. My lips found the end of his cock and I licked the juices that were pouring out, then I engulfed him to the root, pulling his hips forward with the hand that was exploring his ass. He grunted and grabbed my head, pushing me down on him even harder.

I looked up to find him staring down at me. He smiled. "You like cock, that's for sure." I moaned into his hardness and gave his balls a pull with my other hand. I pulled my mouth off him, but kept jerking his now slippery cock while I took a breath. I licked my fingers and returned them to his asshole, now able to slide them in and explore. He gyrated his hips into my hand as I sucked his cock back down. I wanted to make this fast and dirty. I pulled off him and said "Cum down my throat."

He smiled and nodded, and I slid him into me again and he really let himself go and he grabbed my head for traction and started pounding me face as only James could. His balls hit my chin every time and I could feel my own cock almost ready to explode. I was amazed how ready I was to cum without even touching myself. I decided to jerk myself because I could tell he was getting close. His breathing was getting ragged and his thrusts into my mouth even more intense, his cock pushing against the back of my throat.

He held my head more tightly and gave a long moan and I felt a bunch of spurts into my mouth, cum sliding down my throat, coating my tongue, my teeth. He seemed to have been as ready as I was, and I certainly was because as I swallowed all that cum, my own cock erupted onto his leg, the floor, his feet. I could hardly keep upright it was so intense. I pulled my mouth off his cock and took a breath. James looked down at his leg. "Clean me up, will you."

I followed orders and licked my cum off his leg, off his foot and the floor. It was a game we played sometimes when we got messy. He had done the same for me many times. When I was done, he pulled my up and we kissed hungrily, our tongues playing with each other and my cum. He grabbed me by the ass and pulled me closer, our softening cocks sliding together.

He finally pulled back and said "Ice cream?"

I laughed. He was such a kid. But ice cream was exactly what I wanted. We ate right from the carton, naked on his sofa, our legs crossed. When we were done we went to bed and slept like babies. That was something else we did well. Sleep together. I know, I know. So why hadn't we given it a try? It always seemed like something was missing. Some shared purpose or intensity of feeling.

I woke up to him sucking my cock. I guess he felt he needed to return the favour and who was I to stop him?

I sat in the restaurant, waiting for Tim. I was nervous, I realized. I had gotten there early to get a table I liked. As a creature of habit, I only like sitting in the same spots in my favourite places. I fiddled with my glass of wine and looked anxiously out the window. There was a little voice in my head that said, if that fucker stands me up...but then something calmer moved in.

Then I saw him. He walked by the restaurant then disappeared, then came back. He looked up at the sign, then shrugged and came in. Our eyes locked immediately, as if we were the only two in the place. I stood up. I became aware of how momentous this felt and I was a bit dizzy. He smiled at me and walked over. He stopped and looked like he was going to hug me, but then he stuck out his hand to shake. Without thinking about it, I opened my arms and gave him a quick embrace. I stepped back and he seemed a bit stunned. Part of me was glad. I didn't want this to be a breezy catch-up, reminiscing about the good ol' days without acknowledging how fucking agonizing it had been for me back then. And amazing.

I sat down again, and he sat across from me. I couldn't help but look at him. His face was the same, but thinner and I could see some signs he wasn't twenty any more around his eyes. His hair was thinner and receding. He was wearing a suit that probably cost the earth. His nails were perfect. Part of me wanted signs of dissipation or something. I could also tell he was doing the same to me.

Finally I decided to say something. The silence was freaking me out. "It's good to see you." This was true. It was good to see him.

"It's good to see you, too." He smiled and sipped his wine which the waiter had just poured. He swallowed and looked around the restaurant. "This place wasn't here...back then."

"Nope. The city is way different now. Bigger, noisier, more expensive."

"Montreal is getting that way as well. I guess it's the way of cities."

I took a swig of my wine, looking down at the tablecloth. I looked up. "Tell me about your practice."

"Oh, nothing too exciting. We do mostly residential projects. Rich people buying falling down places and turning them into sexy townhouses. Montreal has a lot of falling down places, so I guess there will always be work."

"Bilingual, I guess."

"Of course. No choice in Quebec. What about you?"

"Our firm does big industrial or commercial stuff. Really conservative ideas that we have to turn into something vaguely interesting. Condos. Shit like that."

"You sound a little bitter."

I was surprised. I did sound a little bitter. "I guess I am a bit. But the kind of thing I dreamed of doing back then...well it seems that only assholes get to do that because they step on everyone to get there. I was never good at that. Being an asshole, I mean."

He smiled at me, almost sadly. "No. You will never be an asshole." He raised his glass to mine and we drank, looking at each other. For a second, I remembered what it had been like to look into his eyes and it still felt the same. I liked it.

He took another sip of his wine and put it down. "So...I'm curious about why you contacted me."

That was Tim. Not one to hold back or be subtle. I laughed and then became serious. "Oh I don't know. You came to mind, I guess. After not really thinking about you and all that for so long. It surprised me and I realized I wanted to see how you were. Also, to be perfectly honest, to feel like something was resolved, or at least could be. For me, at least."

"Resolved? I don't get it."

I knew he wouldn't get it, but at the same time, it was my thing, wasn't it? How could he know?

"Well...when you left, and left me nothing but a note...I was...well...devastated. And fucking pissed."

His eyes widened. "I had no idea. No. That's not true. I figured you would be upset. But I really had no idea how to prevent that..."

"Tim, it's ok. What I was about to say was I get it. At the time, I was madly in love with you but I imagine for you it was way more relaxed and casual than that. I wanted a grand affair of the heart and you wanted a good friend and good sex. I'm not judging you. If anything, I'm judging me. You told me I had a lot to learn in your letter and you were right. And I think I've learned it."

He turned and stared out the window of the restaurant. Night had fallen and the cars streamed by. He turned back to me again.

"Well I'm glad you're not still pissed off with me. I don't think I handled it very well. I just ran. Not just from you, but from the whole city. I needed to be somewhere else and Montreal was the place. As soon as I got to the architecture school there, I felt like I was home. I've never left."

"I'm glad." And I really was. We had both prospered and were in a good place now. "Any...partners? Boyfriends?" I felt like it was a dangerous topic, but I asked anyway.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Not right now. Not really ever, if I'm honest. I'm so busy and focused. It's not like I'm a monk, but you get the idea..."

I smiled. I did get it. He sipped some more wine. "And you?"

"Oh. Well. I was with someone for about a decade, but we broke up about six months ago."

"I'm sorry. I hope it wasn't too hard."

I laughed, but not because it was funny. "Hard enough. But we didn't see things the same way and I knew there was no resolving it."

"That happens. You know I wasn't entirely truthful. I was in a relationship about the same time yours started, but it only lasted little over a year. Nice guy and all that. But it just didn't feel right. I haven't met anyone since."

He looked uncomfortable. Our dinner arrived and we chatted about stupid things and ate the lovely food. We finished the bottle of wine and had cognac. When I have cognac it usually means I'm feeling...well...frisky. I took a sip or two, then I looked at Tim again.

"You feel like...I don't know...coming back to mine?"

He smiled his big smile that I still remember from that drunken night. "Why the hell not?!"

So he did. It felt almost too easy. Luckily I only live a few blocks from the restaurant, so we strolled down Queen St, hand in hand. We turned up my street and I stopped us in front of my house. "This is me."

He looked up at the red bricks, the tall windows. "Nice. Very Toronto."

"Well, I got it in the divorce, so there's that. It came at a price. Come on in."

We sat on my sofa and looked at each other for a moment. I decided to take charge which, in the context of Tim, was new.

I slid over so our legs were touching and I leaned in and kissed him, one arm going around his neck. He kissed me back and I remembered. The taste of him, the smell, the feel of his chin. What I've also learned since then is that those first times, those first experiences that we called love (even if they weren't to the other person) never go away. They're always there and sometimes reappear when we don't want them to. But on this occasion, I wanted them to. It felt like I had come full circle.

Our tongues were getting into it. I kissed his neck, licked his ear. I undid his shirt and sucked on his nipples for a while and he moaned above me. I undid his belt and he helped me by lifting himself up so I could yank his pants down. I was still fully dressed and he was naked on my sofa. His cock was rigid and I grabbed it, giving it a few stokes while I kissed him again.

I leaned in a whispered in his ear, even though there was only us to hear. "Let's go upstairs."

I almost threw him on the bed I was so excited. He seemed surprised, but his smile was as big as ever. I began to take my shirt off. Slowly and -- there's no other word -- seductively. I slid it off and threw it across the room. I undid my belt and unfastened my pants. Then I moved onto the bed on my knees, straddling him so my crotch was right in front of his face. He was leaning against the head of the bed and reached for my pants and slid them down. My cock was peeking out from the top of my briefs and he slid those down as well. I stood up for a moment and tugged them off and threw them aside, then I knelt back down and just slid my cock into his mouth which he seemed to be waiting for.

I reached for the wall in front of me for traction as I started to pump my cock into his mouth. I could hardly believe this was happening and the intensity felt almost the same as the first time we had had sex. Without the pain.

I kept this up for a while, watching the length of me disappear and reappear into his mouth. We were both moaning and I could feel the pressure growing in my balls, but I didn't want this to be over any time soon. I slid out of his mouth and leaned down. Our mouths met hungrily, our teeth colliding. I stretched so that I was lying on top of him, our cocks slippery together. I kissed my way down his neck    and licked around his nipples, then biting them gently as he gasped. My hand found his cock and began to stroke it while I sucked, then licked further down his chest.

I looked up at him and he was watching me with a kind of amazement. I slowly jacked him as I smiled. I finally found some words. "This feels different than it did before."

He laughed. "Yes it does. You're so...in charge. I like it."

"Me too!"

I turned to his cock and sucked him down. I decided to give it my all and swallowed him, then bobbing my head quickly. I remembered what I had done to James, so I slid a hand between his legs and explored his ass with my fingers. I pulled my hand back and spat on my fingers, then returned them, able now to slide them in and stretch him. He moaned even louder. I decided to take charge even more.

"I need to fuck you now, if that's ok."

He looked surprised. His eyes widened, but he nodded, then said "You're not a bottom any more."

"Well I don't know about that. But right now, I'm not."

I found my lube and made everything slippery. I decided to be a bit adventurous so I pulled him off the bed and pushed him against the wall. I began to slide my dick between his ass cheeks which felt amazing. I wrapped my arms around his middle and positioned my cock at his hole, then I lean in and kissed the back of his neck as I slid my cock slowly into him. He gasped a few times and shifted his hips to allow me to enter him all the way to the root. Our bodies were in contact now, and I just stood there with my cock in the depths of him. It felt amazing and I realized I had wanted this back then, this kind of closeness. This kind of intimacy.

I began to fuck him very slowly, sliding all the way out and then in. He moaned and I kept kissing his neck, tasting his sweat. I looked down to watch myself disappear into his body, then pulling out. My cock was red, and wet and my whole body was on fire. I had to start pushing harder, and the speed of my hips increased. I could tell he was jerking himself so I reach down and grabbed his cock in my slippery hand, taking over. I wanted all of this in my control.

I kept this up for a while, and I was getting sweaty and so was he. My thighs were slapping against his ass and the rhythm of my cock going in and out of him was almost hypnotic. The idea of an orgasm appeared somewhere at the base of my balls, and I went faster. I was gasping and my hand on his cock kept pace. I could tell his cock was leaking all over my hand, because he was getting more slick and it was even easier to jack him. His head was thrown back. My other arm went around his chest and I pulled him into me. I was so close but I seemed to be just hanging there on the summit, each thrust just keeping us there until, with a surprising amount of force, I wave of heat went through me and out of my cock and I emptied myself into him as I gasped and jammed my cock even deeper into him, the feeling of my cum smoothing it all out was almost as amazing as the cum that started pouring out of his cock as I jerked him. I brought my other hand to the end of his cock and I collected the cum that spurted out. When he was done, and his head fell forward, I brought his cum to my mouth and sucked it all in. I wanted to taste him. I wanted to own him in that moment. I had filled him and now he was giving something back to me.

When I had swallowed, I turned him around and kissed him deeply, then I led him back to the bed and we collapsed in each other's arms, spent and sweaty. We dozed off, and when I woke, the lights were still on and the clock said three in the morning. I reached for the lamp and turned it off.

I woke a few hours later. He was lying tightly against my back and his cock was nestled in the crack of my ass, his arms tightly wrapped around me. It was a way of lying together that we had had twenty years ago and it felt strange and familiar at the same time. I moved my hips so that his cock slid deeper into the crack until I could feel it start to push against my asshole. I stopped. Did I want that? I heard his voice in my ear.

"Remember this? I remember fucking you like this, in the morning."

I did remember. But I also remember that after he would fuck me in the morning, he would get up and shower and then leave. Almost always. It was over Christmas that I convinced him to stay for the rest of the next day and he fucked twice more that day. I remember feeling that this was the change that was inevitable, that it would mark the true beginning of something momentous. My nineteen-year-old brain didn't understand that it was just a consequence of the time of year.

I lay there, feeling his cock throbbing. I could feel the wetness of it sliding against me, at the soft parts of me that at the time wanted him there. I sighed and turned myself around so that our cocks were touching. We were both hard and the touch felt amazing. I reached down and took both of our cocks in my hand and started to jack us slowly.

"But we didn't do this." It was all I said.

He smiled at me as I slid my hand on our cocks, the wetness of them mixing together. I kept this up for a while, then reached for the lube to make it easier. Once we were slippery, it went much faster and we came together, cum spurting all over my hand. Once the flow had almost stopped, I lifted my hand to his mouth. He looked at me, almost confused. "Taste us," was all I said.

He licked some of the cum off my hand then kissed me and we shared the taste. I smiled at him, leaned in and kissed him again, then got out of bed.

As I wiped the cum off, I felt lighter somehow. Like something had indeed been resolved. I turned to him and looked at him for a moment. He was lying there with his hands behind his head, his eyes closed. I watched him breathe, I looked at his now soft cock, still dribbling. I smiled and went out of the room, not feeling very much at all.

I texted James.

Hey James. You want to get brunch today? I'm bringing Tim, so be prepared! Usual place. S