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Finding Myself Within Eric- Chapter 9
Darkness was all I could see. There were people around me. A million voices, a million faces I could not see. What have I done? Have I killed the person I loved? Questions. A million and one questions in my head, swirling around like worker bees. Nothing made any since. Nothing seemed to even really matter anymore. Eric could have been gone all because of me. God's great angel taken back home because of me. My lack of self control. I wanted to scream, cry, shout, but my voice could not hold a single note. I could not feel any pain. I wanted and need to feel it. My punishment for what I have just done.
?I heard my mother's voice. The first time I have ever heard her cry. "Save my son." No don't save me. Save Eric. He is the one who deserves to live. I opened my eyes and there was a million people around me. But there was no Eric. Could he have been gone already? Could I have missed my chance at true happiness? Could I have missed my chances to say I'm sorry? To say goodbye? Then there was silence. Like everything had been taken away, gone in a split second. Was this hell? Have I met my last and final resting place?
?I could feel tears in my eyes. I could feel myself breaking apart. Slowly, painfully. And I screamed. So loud that I thought I would shatter glass. So loud the faces and the voices came running back in. I screamed his name with a force to wake the dead. And then slowly it stopped. I could see my mother face, the pain that shattered her soul. My father, who for once in his life seemed like he wanted to just hold be and never let me go. And then I saw his face. He was just starting at me. No emotion in his eyes. A man in a white coat, ushered my parents out of the door, right threw him. I knew it must have been a dream. And has he slowly faded away, I whispered, I love you. Then darkness over came me again.
Week 1.
?Darkness and silence.
Week 2
?I haven't spoken a word since the accident. I'm in the hospital, but only because I refuse to eat. I was lucky to come out with a head injury, no brain damage, no broken bones, just a bump on the head. Why couldn't Eric have been so lucky? He is in a coma. Just not being able to get off life support. He had major brain swelling since he arrived at the hospital, and they still don't know if he will have any permanent effects. They won't let me see him. Not because they blame me, but because they think it is a lot to take right now. His parents came to see me one day last week. And I lost it. How could I do this to there son? How could they not blame me?
?My mother sit with me during the day. Just talking about random events until she get frustrated and steps out in the hallway. My father come at night and does the same thing. The doctors keep giving me these drugs to help with my nightmares. But they only make them worse. They are the only think that lets me know I'm still alive.
Week 3
?Week 3 of being in hell. They have started to force feed me. But I only throw it up when they are not looking. There is no reason why I should be living, no reason why I should be allowed to be health when Eric is not.
Week 4
?They said that Eric is showing great signs of improvement. And expect that he will wake up soon. So today I started to eat.
1 Month
?I still having spoken since the accident. And my mother is at her wits end.
"What do I have to do to get you even to say one word Jackson?"
?I just looked at her. She was begging. And the worst part was that I hated the fact that I was hurting her and my family.
"I want to see Eric."
?It was barely a whisper. But those were the first words I have spoken in a months time and life seem to just jump right back in her face.
"I'll be right back."
?She simply got up and left the room. I was debating on whether or not I should follow her, but I decided to put my trust in her and wait for her to return. It seemed to take forever and a life time. But she finally returned with a smile on her face.
"I have some good news."
?I just continued to stare at her waiting for whatever she had to say. I guess she was waiting for a responds which I wasn't about to give her until I heard what she had to say first. She waited a bit longer and said-
"He woke up last night."
?My eyes shot wide open as I raced out of the bed heading for the door to find him. She gently stopped me.
"Are you going to go see him looking like a mess?"
?I stopped and looked at her, and then looked down at myself. I was still wearing a hospital gown, even though they bought me clothes, Eric couldn't have the luxury of wearing them why should I. I just nodded and grabbed the bag of clothing that was brought over for me weeks ago, and headed into the bathroom to clean up. I brushed my teeth, and combed my hair back. It had gotten much longer since I been in the hospital and hadn't wanted to cut it. I looked into the mirror at myself. I have gotten noticeably skinner. I had a scar on the top left side of my head from the accident. It wasn't too visible, but it was still there. And then it hit me. Would he even want to see me? After all I have done. Would he even remember me? What kind of shape is he in after being in a coma for so long? I head a soft tap on the door.
"Jack are you going to take all afternoon."
I took a deep breath and slowly open the door. I had put on something simple. A long sleeves blue fitted t-shirt and a pair of dark khaki pants.
"Finally I see my son looking decent again."
?That made me laugh slighting, and put a smile on my face. I know that pleased her greatly, because she seemed to be beaming with joy. She started walking towards the door and I hesitated a bit.
"What's wrong Jack?"
"How is he?"
?She smiled lightly and took a deep breath.
"The doctors don't quite know the extent of his head injury, but Jack he is alive and awake. What more could you ask for?"
?I knew she was right and smiling slightly and started to head out the door. His room wasn't far from mine. The curtains were open, letting in the sunlight. He was there sitting up in bed talking to who I think is his mother, like he hasn't been in a coma for the past 3 weeks. I smiled just seeing his face again.
"You must be Jack."
?The women stood up and walked over to me giving me a hug. I felt a bit awkward hugging her back, but I did anyways.
"I'm Emily, but just call me Ema, I'm Eric's mother."
"Nice to finally meet you...Ema."
?I kept my eyes glued on Eric, who was looking at me like was trying to put some kind of puzzle together in his head. Ema walked over to Eric, sitting back down in the chair, looking at her son as well. There was a weird silence in the room, as Eric and I just stared at each other. Finally he broke the silence.
"Who are you?"