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Special thanks to both my editor Will and Nate.
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Finding Myself Within Eric, Chapter 4
I woke up to the sound of billiard balls breaking. I thought it was a dream at first until I heard the sound again. I set up sheepishly turning my head over to the pool table.
"You must have had a long night studying if you didn't even make it up to bed." My dad said, hitting another ball.
"Yeah, you could say that."
I started smiling as I got up stretching.
"What are you smiling about?"
He had a strange look on his face, and I started to laugh a bit.
"No reason Dad. Anyways, how was the dinner party last night?"
"Same as always, you should come to the next one; it's at the Metro Plex. You used to love that place when you were a kid."
"Maybe, depends on how much school work I have."
He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Are you alright son?"
"Yeah, dad couldn't be better. Hey, what time is it anyways?"
He looked at his watch "It's a bit after 12:30. "
"Shit!" I raced out the room and ran upstairs, hopping right in the shower.
I felt like speed racer trying to get ready before he got here. It was pretty warm out today so I just threw on an old dark blue vintage t-shirt and a pair of khaki cargo shorts and slip on shoes. I decided to gel my hair straight back today seeming that would be the quickest thing to do. Brushed my teeth and sprayed a bit of cologne on. I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror. The events of the last few days were racing through my mind. Look at me here, paying attention to what I wear, how my hair looks, hell, my mom bought be this cologne last Christmas and I never opened it till now. He had already changed me, and I'm not sure if it's for better or for worse.
I heard the doorbell ring downstairs and I race out of the bathroom, skipping a few steps to catch it.
"I got it!"
I yelled as I can see my dad coming through the hallway. I reached the door and opened it rather quickly and there was beauty standing before me. He was wearing something similar to what I was. Vintage green t-shirt, black cargo shorts and slip on shoes.
"Looks like we have similar taste in clothes too."
He said as I kept staring at him. I didn't even hear my dad walk up behind me.
"Are you going to let the boy in or stand there day dreaming?"
"Oh yeah, sorry." I blushed and stepped away from the door letting Eric in.
"Umm... Eric this is my dad, dad Eric, he is new around here and a ..."
"Student in your English class, I know, your mother told me about him. Nice to meet you Eric call me Mike."
"Nice to meet you too Mike."
They shook hands firmly and my dad started to grab his car keys.
"I got to head to the office for a couple hours, your mother is out shopping with Mrs. Jones, lets hope she doesn't buy the whole store." He gave a short laugh and walked out the door.
"See you later Dad."
"Bye Mr. Delfontoes."
Shutting the door, I turned back to look at him. He flashed another brilliant smile, showing his perfect white teeth, leaned forward kissing me on the lips. His lips felt so soft, so pure, and tasted like sugarplums. He made sure not to linger too long. Giving me just enough to set my soul on fire.
"I been thinking about kissing you all night long. I'm sorry, I just can't help it."
The only thing I could do was smile as he smiled back.
"We better get working on this project." I said.
We spent the next two hours working on the writing portion of our project before we decided to take a lunch break.
"What do you want for lunch?" I asked him.
"Besides you?"
He raised an eyebrow and started laughing. I started laughing too but then I felt my nerves start to flare up again.
"Well, I could use another kiss." He smiled shyly.
"Well, you never have to ask me twice for that."
He came very close to me, looking right into my green eyes, backing me up against the wall of the study, placing his arms on either side of my waist. We just stood there for a moment. His dark brown eyes seem to just twinkle like jewels in a sunlit room.
"Close your eyes and relax. Don't think. Just let your body focus on me."
His voice was a sweet whisper in my ear to me. I wanted to stay calm so I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. He seemed to move even closer. His breath upon my lips, closer, as his lips barely touching mine. But he moved. Moving his lips lighting brushing my cheek, down the right side of my neck, sending chills down my spine. I couldn't help but let out a soft whimper as his lips lingered there. Barely touching against it, so softly kissing my skin. He wrapped his arms tighter around my waist, drawing me even closer to him.
He moved again. Slowly back across my cheek, as light as air. I felt him breathe as his lips pressed against mine. Again he kissed me softly, slowly letting the electricity flow through me. I pressed my lips back against his, eager for more of what my body was beginning to crave. He complied by kissing me a little harder, letting his soft moist tongue slide between my lips, into my mouth, upon my tongue, sending me straight into heaven.
Our tongues begun to dance together, slowly, as we were both savoring the taste of each others mouth. I felt myself starting to get hard as he pressed against me, pressing me harder into the wall. Our passion grew as I could feel him too, his hard dick pressing against mine sent my mind into overdrive. I began to struggle, yet he kissed me deeper, I could feel his passion flowing within me and I started to panic but my body was unable to move. Questions were forming in my mind. "What am I doing? Is this who I am?" But my body was reacting, wrapped in pleasure cove. I had to break away somehow for my sanity.
He felt me tense up and he loosened his grip, slowly backing up, slowly letting his lips leave mine. I was gasping for air, the room was spinning, and I felt like I had to get away from him, I had to get out. He hugged me softly in attempt to calm me down.
"It's okay, just breathe." He cooed, hugging me a little tighter.
It was all too much. I shoved him away from me, running out of the room and upstairs into mine, locking the door, and curling up on the floor on the side of the bed.
"This can't be happening, I can't be this way, it's not right." was all I was thinking. I couldn't sit still and began to pace the floor. I heard a soft knock on the door.
"Are you okay Jack? I'm sorry I went too far. I couldn't help myself. I love you. Please at least talk to me."
I could hear the concern in his voice, but it was his voice I could not take right now.
"Get out. Get out of my house!"
I didn't know I could sound so cruel. I wanted to take it back, but my mind needed a rest. I could hear him choke up outside the door. And then there was silence. I walked over to the window and I saw him getting into his car and speed off.
It was around 5 o'clock when my mom knocked on my bedroom door.
"Dinner is ready, your father and I have to go to dinner with the Martins. We will be back before 11."
With that she said nothing more and I heard her walk down the stairs. I have been up here for I don't know how long, crying, staring up at the ceiling. Eric has been calling me non-stop since he left, to the point I had to turn off my phone. I cannot bear him right now. I have already decided that I'm not going to school tomorrow for fear of seeing his face and breaking down. There are so many questions in my head. But all I can think about is his lips on mine, the pleasure and pure joy I felt when he embraced me. But coming to terms with being g...ga... I can't even say it in my mind, much less out loud. But suddenly as I lay here I wanted to feel his embrace. I want to tell him that I think he is driving me crazy in both a good and a bad way. I wanted...him.
I picked up my phone and turned it back on. 15 missed calls, and 6 voice mails. I don't know what took over me, but I got up and grabbed my dad's car keys and just started driving. I didn't care about fixing my mattered hair or washing my tear stained face. I needed him to see me vulnerable. I needed him to see my pain, sorrow, and need for him. Before I knew it I was at his front door. It took me several minutes for me to even get out the car. I was shaking badly by the time I reach the front door and knocked softly. It seemed like time froze and everything just floated in that moment. What if he wasn't home? What if one of his parents answered and saw me like this? I started to turn around thinking he was not home when I heard the door open and saw him. My throat went dry and raspy.
"Can I come in...please?"
He always had a clarity in his voice when my world was upside down. Such calmness, and tenderness, that I so desperately needed from him. He didn't say a word but just stepped aside letting me in and closing the door behind me. Grabbing my hand and he lead me down stairs to his bedroom. I was shaking all over, I could barely control my hands shaking within his. There he was standing there in the same clothes he had on earlier. His eyes were slightly red but I bet nowhere near as red as mine. I could see heartache inside him, concern, and love. The minute we got downstairs he closed and locked the door. My whole body felt weak, felt like I was in pain, shaking, sweating, I couldn't move on my own. He saw this, like he knew what I was going though and just embraced me.
"I'm here now. There is no need to be afraid anymore." He whispered hugging me tightly, closely, intending not ever to let me go, and at that moment I lost control and cried on his shoulder.
Several minutes later my tears subsided and he pulled away from me, wiping my tears off my face. Without saying a word he grabbing my hand and lead me across the room, setting me down on his bed, then leaving. I could hear the bathtub running and he came over standing in front of me.
"You need to calm down, your still shaking like crazy." He whispered.
He knelt down in front of me looking up into my eyes.
"Everything will be okay."
He smiled slightly and slowly begun to lift up my shirt over my head. I felt myself getting hysterical again and he just shushed me, hugging me in another gentle embrace. Pulling away only to go turn off the water in the tub, he came back grabbing my hand gently, pulling me off the bed, and leading me into the bathroom. It was larger than I thought it was. There was a big, extra large Jacuzzi tub off in the far right corner, separate walk in shower with steam room and bench. And these really cool sinks where the spouts come out from the wall. He led me over closer to the bathtub and I could begin to smell mango's. I closed my eyes taking a deep whiff of the sweet scent.
"I hope you don't think this is too...girly... having you take a bubble bath but, you need to relax, the jets will feel good against your skin just trust me."
I felt him start unbuckling my pants and I started to tense up for a second.
"It's okay." He said looking up at me. "I better leave this up to you. I'll go upstairs and get some fresh towels." It was then he turned around and left the room.
I slowly slide off my pants, folding them on the floor and stepped into the warm water. I settle myself in letting my head rest against the back of the tub. I closed my eyes and I could feel the jets gently massaging my pressure points. I heard him knock softly. "Come in." I said.
"Fresh towels straight from the dryer, I'll put them on the warmer so they will stay warm. Is there anything else I can get you? Have you eaten anything? Are you hungry?"
I looked over at him and tears begun to form in my eyes again. He has done more then I thought he would do for me tonight already. How could I ask for more? He just nodded his head and left the room. A little after he left I could hear She Wants Revenge playing in the background and that instantly changed my mood.
I don't know how long it was but I decided that I had enough the bath tub, washed up, and got out. I didn't notice before, but Eric had left me a set of comfortable pajamas when he came and brought me towels. Without thinking much about staying, or if my emotions would let me stay, I slipped them on anyways smelling his scent within them. I made sure to wash my face again in the mirror before leaving. I didn't want to miss any tear stains from earlier. When I walked out the bathroom Eric was sitting there on the couch watching the end of Family Guy. He turned around and looked up at me turning off the TV.
"I got a fruit bowl here, but if you want something else we have plenty TV dinners and such upstairs if you're hungry." He was smiling which made me feel warm and loved inside.
"Thanks but I don't think I can eat anything tonight."
He nodded and turned to face me on the couch.
"If you need to talk I'm here, even if you're not ready to right now I understand." I nodded.
"I'm sorry about earlier...I just don't..."
He put his finger up to my lip stopping me. "Earlier is in the past, no need to be sorry. If anyone should be saying sorry it should be me."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
I said hastily and a bit too loudly, and he smiled.
"I'm still coming to terms with myself being gay and in love with you."
I couldn't stop myself before that sentence came out of my mouth. I both admitted I was gay and was in love with Eric in one sentence, once split second. I felt myself start to panic again and I started to get up from the couch, looking for my keys to make a quick get away. It was then he grabbed my arm firmly, looking into my eyes.
"Well, first you need to stop running, cause running is just going to bring more pain believe me, I ran for two years before I could admit it. Secondly, I'm in love with you too, and I don't intend of giving up on you this easily. I want to help you, be there for you cause I was right where you are, two long painful years ago. You don't have to go through this alone."
I looked up at him with tears forming in my eyes and for the first time, I leaned over and kissed him.
I hoped everyone like this chapter. I had so much fun writing it. I have started a Yahoo Group for all those who are fans of this story. Anyone is welcome to join. It provides updates on this story and well as other upcoming stories. Also you will be able to read new chapters of Finding Myself Within Eric a full day or two before they are posted to nifty. I'm also looking into a feature website to hold this and more stories I have. If you are interested in joining my yahoo group please go to the following link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/shadowcastingcollections . Thanks for all the comments PLEASE keep them coming.
Much love to Everyone Shadow