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Finding Myself Within Eric, Chapter 12
(Jack's Point of View)
"You have to understand that your son is under a lot of stress. With the accident and coming to terms with his sexuality, he hasn't found a way to balance that out. His angry outbursts are his outlet."
"Is there anything we can do?" Marie said.
"I'm going to prescribe some anti-depressant medication for right now. If things progress, I'll have to admit him into theory and see how that goes."
"Thank you doctor. We really appreciate you coming out to our home like this. We didn't know what else to do." Marie said.
"He maybe a little freaked out when he wakes up, but the medication I gave him will help calm him down. Again if anything changes just give me a call."
I heard them finally leave the room. I didn't want to let them know that I was already awake. I didn't want to put them through more then what I already have. I remember all the words I said. All the words I truly regret. But a dark cloud comes over me and once it envelopes me, there is no turning back. I knew I had to move on. If not for my sake but for theirs. But would that mean denying myself. I do not know. I just know in order to move on I had to forget about Eric. Forget about myself.
(Eric's Point of View)
I was running. Running through a sun lit forest. The sun was shining down upon me, keeping me warm though the air was cold. I could see someone in the shadows. Darting through the trees. I stopped running. Standing there in the middle of the forest. I turned around, looking all around me. I heard a voice. It sounded very much l like Jack. Then I heard another voice. This once I couldn't here quite as well. It was muffled by other voices that I did not recognize. I begun to walk again, seeing a large circle of trees towards the middle of the forest. In the center of the clearing was a large fallen over tree trunk. As I walked closer I could see Victor sitting on the tree stump. He had a very sly grin on his face, like was waiting for something.
Suddenly shadows begun to emerge from the trees. Twenty or so different shadows all coming around Victor's. Then those shadows turned into faces. Each a different guy, each walked over to Eric kissing and touching him. I called out to him, but more shadows begun to appear, more faces from the trees. My heart was racing and I turned around and begun to run. The once lit forest was now dark to the point where I couldn't see and I had to stop. I was out of breath, and tears were running down my face. I remembered what he did to me. All those men who had him and I wasn't enough.
I fell to my knees. I felt life being drained from me. I couldn't walk, I couldn't run, and in my heart I needed Jack. I felt a cold hand upon my shoulder and I looked around me. I was staring right into his face. He had this light around him, this soft gentle glow that made me feel like everything was going to be ok. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips, and I could see the forest around me becoming full of light and life. I stood up and he held my hand firmly. When I looked in his eyes once filled with pain was now filled with light, love and hope. We begun to walk pass the accident, pass Victor and the shadows, towards the edge of the forest. He turned and looked at me, with a gentle smile on his face.
"Now come back to me Eric, I need you."
Jack said as he slowly began to disappear.
(Jack's Point of View)
I ended up sleeping after that. It was the only way that I could get my mind off Eric, but even in my dreams he hunted me. I was walking through the forest in the dark. I couldn't see anything around me but yet I seemed to know where I was going. As I went deeper and deeper into the forest I could hear someone crying. It was softly at first but the further and further I went, the louder it became. Towards the middle of the forest I could see a faint light. Just a soft warm glow. The closer I walked to it the brighter it became, the louder the cry. As I walked into the light I could see a lone shadow figure on the ground. The light seemed to be coming from him, but there were shadows trying to break through.
I walked closer, reaching my hand to fight away the shadows. When my hand reached him all of the light came around me. The shadows disappeared, and the figure began to come back to life. It stood up slowly, turning around, I could see it was Eric. He was smiling, eyes wet with tears, and in that moment I kissed his soft lips. I could feel the light coming from us, going out into the forest filling it with like. He didn't say a word, so I grabbed his hand and begun to lead him out of the forest. As we reached the road I tried to pull him across with me, and I realized I couldn't. I knew he had to come back to me on his own. So I kissed him again just before waking up.
(Eric's Point of View)
I woke up to my mom and the doctor standing over me. They both looked like something was wrong, and that worried me.
"What, what is it, what's wrong?"
My mother begun to smile and the doctor chuckled at bit.
"Well apparently we were worried over dream perhaps."
The doctor said, taking a look over my chart. I looked at them both with a questioning look on my face.
"You have been tossing and thrashing around for hours hunny. You were cry at times, screaming at a point. I guess you were having a dream."
Right when she finished speaking I heard a knock at the door. I was hoping it was Jack (Eric?) coming back but when Victor walked through the door angry started to build up inside me.
"Hey babe, good to see your beautiful face."
I looked at him very closely. All I could think about were the shadows around him in the dream. The deception, the lies, everything swarming all around him. His bright smile that he had when we walked him faded, he could tell I was angry.
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"Get out."
He looked at me in disbelief, and then just laughed and proceeded to walk towards me.
"I said GET OUT!"
I had screamed it so loud the doctored turned around and told me I needed to calm down, because he didn't want my pressure to go up. I closed my eyes and begun to count to myself in my head.
"Victor, leave now. You're upsetting him."
"I'm not going anywhere. Eric, what is going on here? Are they filling your head with lies again?"
"The only person that is filling my head with lies is you Victor."
The look on Victors face was again of disbelief. He could not even stand still.
"What are you talking about? I love-"
"Don't even let that lie come out of your mouth Victor. I remember everything. EVERYTHING!"
He was so shocked that I didn't think he was standing there breathing anymore. Suddenly he turned angry lunging towards the bed.
"LIES, LIES I TELL YOU! THESE PEOPLE HAVE FILLED YOUR HEAD WITH LIES!"
"Young man, I will ask you to keep your voice down or I will call security down here to escort you out of my hospital."
Doctor Moore, was holding him back from coming any further towards me. He finally stopped moving, but he had rage in his eyes. I looked right into his, searching for something left of the Victor I use to know. But that kind and sweet-hearted Victor was gone.
"Nothing is a lie Victor." I said very calm, emotionless. "All the men you been with while we were together. Be walking in on you and not one but two other men before I left Phoenix. There is nothing left of us Victor. Nothing. You took that all away from me. So keep please leave now or I will have them throw you out."
The doctor was pushing him through the door. He was completely dumbfounded, but I could still see the anger in his eyes.
"This isn't over Eric. I WILL have you back."
"That's it. SECURITY! Have this man escorted out of this building immediately."
I heard pushing and shoving before the door finally closed. I took a deep breath, lying back on the bed closing my eyes. I felt someone kiss my forehead and I looked up seeing my mother lying next to me. I smiled at her and she smiled back with tears in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry that happened, sweetheart."
I just took her hand and squeezed.
"It's okay Mom. Nothing we can do about him now. Has long as he stays out of my life, I'm happy."
She smiled and kissed me again on the forehead as the doctor walked back in. He had a smile on his face, which was kind of a goofy smirk which made me laugh.
"So, now that the trash has been taken out, tell me is what you said true about your remembering everything. Even the crash."
"Yes, sir. I remember it all. "
"Well, you sure make a fast recovery."
"Well I have a certain angel looking after me."
"Well, I see no problem with you going home today then. All the test came back, and you're fine enough to leave the hospital."
My mother started crying for joy as she went over to hug the doctor. He hugged her back and she came over to hug me back.
"I would love to get out of here."
"Well, I'll start the paper work now; I'll be back in an hour."
He walked out of the door, as the nurse came in and started taking off all the tubes, needles and wires I was still hooked up too. She allowed me to shower while my mom went to go get me some clothes. I admit the shower felt wonderful. It reminded me of being with Jack, and I couldn't wait to get back to him.
By the time I got out of the shower, my mom was back with my clothes. Just a simple pair of dark washed blue jeans and a light blue polo shirt. We signed the release papers and we headed out the door of the hospital.
"I assume you want to see Jack."
I couldn't describe how happy my mother seemed to me. She seemed to have this glow around her, I guess it's a mother thing when their one and only child survives a serious accident and is able to walk out of the hospital.
"Can we make that our first stop? I don't mean to seem like I don't want to spend time with you but-"
"No, don't worry about that. I'm just glad you are all well and my baby is coming home.
I smiled at her and leaned over giving her a kiss on the cheek.
(Jack's Point of View)
After waking up I just laid in bed for a bit. I was beyond emotionally drained. Beyond physically exhausted, even though I have sleep most of the day, I think. Come to think of it, I wasn't even sure what day it was anymore. I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I tried to listen to see if it was the doctor coming back to check on me. But everything was too quiet for me to hear anything. Shortly after, I heard a knock at my door. I didn't say anything at first, mainly because I did not want to be disturbed. They knocked again a little louder and slowly opened the door. I closed my eyes trying to pretend that I was asleep, so they would leave me alone.
I felt someone gently sit down on the bed. Placing their hand on my back. The touch seemed familiar, but again I ignored it. The touch slowly started to make its way up my back. Running so softly against the edge of my neck. That sent shivers down my spine, causing me to shake a bit. They stopped briefly and then again started to run their fingers across the back of my neck threw my hair. Gently sweeping across from front to back. This caused me to inhale deeply and when I did, is when I smelled him. I opened my eyes quickly, turning to look around me and there he was smiling. I thought it was a dream at first, batting and rubbing my eyes before taking a second look. He just giggled leaning over towards me, running his hand down the side of my face.
"It's really me Jack. This isn't a dream."
I looked into his eyes and taking his hand that was still upon my face. I started shaking, on the verge of tears.
"Eric..."
That was all I was able to speak before I busted out in tears. He grabbed a hold of me, holding me closely, and I held him even tighter back. He was crying softly.
"I'm here Jack, I found my way back."
I don't know how long he held me, but it just felt so amazing to be back in his arms. A few times he leaned over to kiss my lips and it was beyond words. To fill the love flowing threw him into him, to fill the bond lock between us, never to be broken again. We were happy together in this moment.
(Victor's Point of View)
I waiting in the parking lot for hours, waiting to see if Marie was going to leaving and I could follow her home to see where they lived. I wasn't going to back down so easily. Eric was mine first. No one else's.
Author's Notes
That is the end of Part 1 of Finding Myself Within Eric. I hope that you enjoyed the story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I decided to break this up into two different parts because to me it will suit the story better for what I have in store. Part 2 will resume in the beginning of June.
Until then keep checking the group for further updates on when the next chapter will be posted, as well as for Under The Moonlit Sky, poetry submissions, website and merchandise updates and much, much more to come. Please feel free to send me an email anytime on this story and anything else that is on your mind. You never know I might give you a few hints of what is to come!
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