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Finding Myself Within Eric, Chapter 11
My dreams were filled with nightmares. Of the accident, of Eric never remembering who I am. I remember many times that night I woke up screaming, and my mother was right there next to me as she said she would be. I woke up sometime that afternoon, my head was killing me but my heart was hurting me worse. I didn't want to get out of bed; frankly, I didn't want to do to anything. But I thought maybe a long hot shower would help me. When I got out of my bed and made my way to the hallways my mother was on her way up the stairs. She had a sad look on her face, but smiled when she saw that I was out of my room.
"Go head and do what you have to, I'll go ahead and straighten up your room a bit."
I just nodded and made my way into the bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the water has hot as I could stand it, and took off my clothes. I caught a look at myself before I entered the shower. There was no scars, no obvious signs that I has just been in an accident. I had lost a lot of weight; my eyes seemed darker, ghostly even. When I stepped in the shower the hot water felt like knives hitting my skin, but it felt good. I just stayed there letting the water fall upon my skin. Wishing it could wash away this nightmare that I alone have created. I wanted to cry again, but my eyes wouldn't allow me to anymore.
(Eric's Point of View)
"Hey hunny, how are you feeling today?"
"I didn't sleep much. My brain won't turn off."
We both started laughing and she came over to the bed sitting next to me.
"Mom. Were me and Jack close?"
She paused for a bit, with a smile.
"You would talk about him all the time. Yesterday was the first time that I have ever met him, but he was always over, or you were always over his house. And when you two were apart, he was the only thing you ever wanted to talk about."
"He is very cute."
We both started laughing again then the doctor came in for his rounds.
"Eric, let me say again, it's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"
"Fine, besides this memory issue."
"Yes Doctor Moore, do you think my son will ever get his memory back?"
"Well, Eric have you been having flashbacks of any kind?"
"Well last night I had some nightmares, of being in a car accident, but nothing to concrete. Everything is real blurry."
"Well, that is very good news. Most don't even start to have those for a few weeks after memory loss, or ever. I'm going to take you to get a few CAT scans and stuff done, and I will be able to tell you for sure, but I can tell you it looks very promising."
(Jacks Point of View)
After the shower, I went back to my room to find something to wear. When I went in the room as filled with sunlight, everything looked neat and tidy, and I wondered if my mom really did all this, because I have never really seen her clean much at all. I went over to the curtains and shut them; I wasn't in the mood for sunlight. I walked over to my closet, trying to find something to wear, finding that my brain could not process the amount of clothes, so I just went over to my dresser to throw on a t-shirt and some sweats. I heard a soft knock on the door. I wasn't really much for seeing anyone, but I went over anyway and opened the door.
"Might I come in so we can talk for a bit."
I found myself just staring at my father. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this talk with him. I'm sure that by now, he knows everything, but what I wasn't sure about was the way he would handle everything.
"Yeah, sure I guess."
I stepped over and I walked over to the bed, laying down looking up at the ceiling and he sat down at the end.
"Son, I know we were never really close, but I want you to know you can always talk to me and tell me anything that's on your mind."
I simply nodded keeping my eyes towards the ceiling.
"Your mother tells me that you are into this whole homosexual thing. Now I'm not sure what that whole thing is about and I was hoping you can explain it in details."
It was then I looked at him. I felt the anger brewing within me. I wasn't sure if I could control it.
"Dad it's not just some `thing', some new hip way of life, it's a part of me."
"A part of you how?"
I knew I wasn't going to be able to control myself for this conversation yet, and I knew I had to get out of it fast before I say something that I would regret.
"Dad, I'm tired and I really don't want to have this conversation with you right now. Can you please leave?"
"Now, Jackson, I know this is embarrassing but we need to talk about this. What is this gay thing all about? Why do you think this thing suits you? What would this mean for your future? What does Eric have to do with all of this?"
"Dad! You really want to know what this whole "gay thing" is all about! You want to know how I love the way Eric touches my skin, how I fall apart when he kisses me, how I love the way his tongue tastes against mine!"
"Calm down, I don't need to know the intimate details."
I had gotten out of bed at this point. Looking him right in the eye.
"No Dad, I think you do. I think you need to how I dream about him, how I love the way my dick feels in his mouth, how I long for him to FUCK ME! You want to know what this whole `gay thing' is about, YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I LONG TO HAVE HIS BIG FAT DICK IN MY ASS DAD! HOW I LOVE HIM WITH, AND HOW HE USE TO LOVE ME BEFORE I FUCKED THAT UP!"
Everything seemed black around me, the rage kept pouring out of me, as I could see the pain, sorrow and regret in this eyes. I felt someone touch me, and I swung around almost hitting my mother. My father grabbed me then, holding me so tight, I could barely breathe.
"Son, calm down, we are trying to help you."
"I DON'T WANT TO CALM DOWN! I WISH I WAS NEVER FUCKING BORN! I DIDN'T YOU GIVE BIRTH TO ME YOU INCONSIDERATE BITCH."
I saw my mother burst into tears but I didn't care. I was beyond redemption, beyond repair. I heard another person come into the room and a gentle sting in my arm before collapsing unto the ground.
(Eric's Point of View)
The test went very well. The doctor is saying that it looks like I will make a full recovery. But right now I have to live what I know, and that is my life with Victor.
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