Finding Love After Incredible Loss Chapter 2
Finding love after incredible los – Chapter 2
Friday rolled around, AJ dropped Caleb and Conor at daycare and went to his lab which was the only class on Friday. AJ got through the lab work and documented all his results and headed to the gym.
AJ ran into some fraternity brothers – Chase & Brett (AJs little brothers in the fraternity), Steve & Brent (two other fraternity brothers). AJ had just finished his workout, removed his shirt and was heading into the locker room. Chase made the smart-ass comment to AJ – after losing your pregnancy weight loss and the extra gym time you are starting to look decent again – now we might just be able to get you laid.
Brent scolded Chase, 'AJ you wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers, cause you have said as much'. Chase grabbed Brent's ass and let him know in no uncertain terms that he indeed would not kick AJ out of bed for eating crackers, that was supposed to be their secret, but his heart belonged to only him. AJ had no idea they were a couple and stared openly. AJ obviously had been wound up in his own shit for the last year and a half with the pregnancy, wedding, birth of the boys and Syd's death
AJ asked Chase and Brent if they had time to grab a beer as he wanted to talk with them about their relationship. They agreed and asked Brett and Steve to join. Everyone headed to the pub up the street from the gym and AJ bought a round. During the conversation it became obvious that Brett and Steve were a couple as well. AJ though `kick me in the nuts' obviously I've been an idiot and had no clue or as they described it, AJ had no gaydar whatsoever.
AJ asked all sorts of questions about their relationships/sexuality – when they knew, how did they know, who was the man, who was the woman, how the other guys in the house took it when they found out, how did their families take the news, etc. At this point in the discussion Chase and Brett (who were family, just as if we all had the same parents) looked at each other and then said to AJ – `we'll answer all your questions, but why are you so eager to know now?'
Before we get to answering your questions, you need to know that we have talked about you in detail and one thing we all have in common is that at one point in our relationship with you, we have EACH tried to get in your pants. Brent being your pledge brother is the only one of us to cop a feel – on your pledge night he helped your drunk ass into bed and had one hand on your ass and ultimately the other on your `package'. Nothing more than that unfortunately...
So back to the present, there is something different about you and we can't put our finger on it, so what the hell is going on?
AJ didn't know how to say this, but gave it a shot – `You two remember the cop that came to the house and took me to the hospital the night Syd died?' They both nodded and AJ continued – `He showed up at the house this summer and I was tongue tied, giddy, stupid, scared, hard and just downright a mess.' Before AJ could continue, Chase raised an eyebrow and asked, did you say `hard'? `Shit'.
AJ must have looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar by his mom... as all four of them said in concert – `due tell...' Brett added, `yes you said both `hard' and `shit' out loud, so our big is busted...' the group said `well...' AJ took a deep breath and tried his darndest to put everything into words – AJ tried to explain, he was convinced he was as straight as they came until Scott (the cop) came to the house to check on him. AJ got lost in his eyes, his voice, his smell and yes, AJ got hard and I'm pretty sure he was too, but AJ panicked he didn't have a clue where this was coming from. They all got up and hugged, telling AJ they were there to help me figure this out and support him any way they could.
Ok so now back to your questions. They tried their best to answer them all after they clarified one point – there is no `man / woman' thing. We are all men, we love the hard body, the distinctly manly smells, the cock and balls; there is nothing womanly about any of us and if there were none of us would be interested. They went on to explain that they were all `versatile' and depending on the mood could either `top' or `bottom'; `pitch' or `catch'. Given the looks on my face, Chase finally got down to it – depending on the mood he was in, when anal sex was involved – he either slid his dick in Brent's ass or let Brent slide his dick in Chase's ass. They did say that some couples had a `top' and a `bottom' where each person always performed the same role.
At that point AJ nodded, indicating that he thought he understood, so they moved on to their family stories. They all had slightly different stories and coming to terms with being gay, but there were all proud of who they were and felt like they were with their soul mate. Their families all came around eventually, Steve's were the only ones that still seemed uncomfortable with their son having a boyfriend but had not outright disowned him.
When it came to fraternity brothers – some were very open and supportive, some were tolerant and so far, only one openly disapproving and he had moved out. They kept their open affections to a minimum as did the straight boys after several discussions within the house.
At the end of the conversation, AJ still had so many questions, but knew he had to pick Caleb and Conor up, get them fed and get ready to head out tonight. AJ asked the guys to join he and Eva along with her new someone tonight; they readily agreed and said our conversation is to be continued. They did push AJ to call Scott and ask him to join – they all knew he was interested or he would not have asked so many questions and the only way to know if it could go further was to spend time with him. AJ declined as he did not feel he was ready and the guys acquiesced for now.
AJ picked Caleb and Conor up from daycare and got home just as Eva was arriving with her new someone, Mat short for Matilda a lady she had met 6 months prior and someone she intended on spending the rest of her life with. Eva was an older version of Syd - she was 35, 5'10', blond hair, blue eyes and a beautiful woman, Syd's dad's much younger sister. She had been married to an abusive husband for 10 years, she had full custody of their 2 girls, Maddie 5 & Carrie 7 the absolute loves of her life.
When Syd and AJ had married, Eva took him under her wing as her 'baby brother' and made sure AJ had backup with the family. They were clearly closer to each other than their own siblings and had been each other's rock as they made ti through the loss of Syd. There was just a kinship there and they could talk about anything, which AJ ribbed her about when she introduced Mat(ilda). She still had no idea how AJ knew Mat was a female when they spoke on Tuesday. AJ just told here two could play at the spooky all-knowing thing and until she spilled about Scott, mum was the word...
They all went into the house, AJ let Eva and Mat get settled he watched the kids play. Carrie sat on the couch with AJ, hugged him hard, kissed him on the cheek and said, `it was my idea to come and see AJ and the boys cause Aunt Syd had told her AJ needed help cause he was stuck'. She went on to say that Aunt Syd let her in on a secret, AJ asked her what it was, Aunt Syd told Carrie that Uncle AJ needed to quit being such a `dude' and go with the flow. AJ gave her a hug and wiped away a tear.
When Eva came into the living room, AJ went to get ready for a great night out with his `family'.
Joan was at the house ready to have a great time with the 4 kids when AJ came down from his room. He walked into the living room where Carrie was protesting loudly that there was really no reason for Joan to stay. She was more than ready to be in charge and take care of the 'little ones'. Joan smiled and convinced her that she could be her wing girl for the night.
They all took a cab downtown to a bar that had a great DJ and met Chase, Brent, Bret and Steve. There was a line around the corner, so Eva being Eva marched up to the front, flirted with the bouncer and got us all right in - AJ thought it doesn't hurt to be gorgeous and outgoing, the very tight t-shirt covering your big boobs also did not hurt. As the rest of us caught up, Eva was pulling someone out of line and into the club with her. AJ was bringing up the rear of our group and when AJ finally got to the table, you could have knocked him over with a feather, the person Eva pulled out of line was not a stranger but none other than Officer Scott Reed.
The boys (Brett, Steve, Brent and Chase) noticed AJ had stopped short and was standing there with his mouth hanging open. Chase commented – `AJ, you are my big and I love you with all my heart so I say this with all the respect I can muster, standing there with your mouth open is rude. There is a seat right there next to who I assume is Scott, so sit your ass down and let's have some fun. Under his breath, he said maybe even get you laid'. Scott evidently heard that as he blushed three shades of red.
AJ was stuck to the floor and could not move – his mouth did close thanks to Chase, but AJ was having a problem processing the situation – how did Eva know Scott, why was he here and what was she thinking.
Eva winked at AJ, she whispered something to Scott, got up and circled the table, dragged AJ across the bar to a small corner table. She asked him what he remembered about Syd's funeral. AJ told her that he honestly could not remember much beyond Syd's ex-boyfriend because had been ready to kill him for the nasty comments he made to his new girlfriend and only had vague recollections of the rest of the service and a sea of faces.
At that point she proceeded to tell AJ all about the time she spent with Scott at the funeral - how she initially thought it was very kind that he had attended the funeral given he was the one to inform AJ of the accident and Syd's condition. As they talked, she knew there was more to the story than he was saying.
She forced him to say the words that she knew were wanting to come out; he had fallen hard for AJ; he was conflicted as he was engaged to be married in August and had never had any romantic or sexual feelings for another man, but he could not deny the pull AJ had on him. The two had spent the rest of that weekend talking about his feelings, his fiancé and whether Eva thought he had a chance at love with AJ. She asked him a simple question – do you see a future with AJ or your fiancé?
If the answer is your fiancé, then get married and don't complicate your or AJs life. If you believe it is AJ then are you able to walk away from your fiancé and embrace a gay relationship when you have been a straight man for 25 years. She talked to him about the out of left field, head over heels love she had with Mat and that she had experimented in college but had never truly loved another woman. She let him know that she had come to realize love is about the person, their heart, their soul and how that can meld with your heart and soul. Once you let the packaging go, you can truly be happy with your soul mate. Eva let Scott know she knew in her heart that there was another soul mate out there for AJ – she wasn't sure it was Scott, but she was equally unsure that it wasn't.
The two of them had been talking ever since that day, just being a friend and trying to help him make sense of his feelings. When Carrie had asked to come over and help her Uncle AJ stop being a `dude' and open his heart, Eva knew she had to make the trip as much for him as for Scott. She was convinced that love, no matter who you found it with was worth investing in. She was also convinced that Syd was bringing her family together to help her one and only find love again.
Eva could tell AJ was a complete and total mess at this point. AJ told her he was uncertain about the future, scared shitless because he was VERY much attracted to this man, could not explain it and he felt he was betraying Syd's memory. AJ was not sure whether he could wear the label of `Gay Father', wasn't sure it was fair to Caleb and Conor, fuck this was a mess and he did not know what to do next.
Eva looked him in the eyes and stated as a matter of fact – life is hard, but the whole time we have been sitting here, Scott has been staring at you, you have been checking him out in the mirror; don't you think you owe it to yourself to see if this can go somewhere? She stated keep an open mind, open my heart, enjoy the night and see where this might go. AJ agreed he would try, but no guarantees. Her parting comment was – `you of all people should know that there are no guarantees – love is fleeting and priceless, only love can sustain you in the darkness'.
They headed back to the table and Eva, being the pain in the ass that she is (God, AJ had to admit that he did love her) introduced AJ to the whole table - everyone this is my brother, who lost his wife in May, has two small boys and is scared shitless to be here with all of us gay folks. Everyone raise your glasses and enjoy the night.
Chase, Brent, Brett and Steve said in unison (probably practiced) - we've seen him naked, so any man or woman would be lucky to have him love them and eventually they might not be intimidated by the hoagie between his legs. Mat got up and gave AJ a kiss, grabbed his ass and whispered to AJ `you might be worth switching teams for, but for now I love your sister and am here as someone who has been through what you are facing now, if I can help in any way, please do not hesitate to talk to me – everyone here loves and adores you, you can trust that we have your back'.
As AJ stood there try as he might to sit down and give this a shot, he could not get the gremlins out of his head so he said to the group – I'll take my leave as this is too overwhelming. As he turned he bumped into a waitress, spilling a couple of beers on the floor, could this night get any more complicated. As AJ stood up from trying to help clean up the mess, he was wrapped in a bear hug that left him tingling all over, Scott whispered in his ear 'give me a chance, no pressure, but please don't go...'.
Needless to say – AJ's head was spinning, he was not looking for love, he was trying to survive one day at a time. His family was trying to get him to be open about the future, to love and this man standing in front of him was doing things to him he could not explain or comprehend. AJ could see the longing, fear, love and sadness etched on Scott's face, AJ knew he needed a few minutes alone, to get his shit together and figure out he was going to do next. Scott gave a defeated smile and turned to go, AJ was struggling to find his voice and could not get the words to come, so he simply grabbed Scott's hand to prevent him from leaving. He whispered to Scott – please give me 5 minutes to pull myself together. AJ turned to head out on the patio, everyone at the table got up and hugged Scott.
AJ stepped outside on the back patio, looked to the heavens, said a little prayer, asked Syd for support and guidance. AJ opened his eyes as the chain around his neck holding her wedding ring slid down AJ's smooth muscular chest and came to rest where his shirt was tucked into his jeans that did little to hide his growing erection. As AJ pulled up his t-shirt and retrieved the chain and ring, he noticed a red cardinal sitting on a tree branch just off the patio. With that AJ said another little prayer, removed his wedding ring, placed it on the chain and slid it all into his pocket.