Finding Love After Incredible Loss Chapter 13
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Finding love after incredible loss – Chapter 13
It took a moment for the words to ring through to Scott, he cried out – OMG dad I told him I won't leave for him, what I meant to say was I can't live without him. What have I done? How do I fix this? Jonathan rose from his chair, crossed the short distance to his son and just held him tight while whispering softly – `WE will figure this out.' Scott jumped up, grabbed his phone from the counter and dialed AJ's number from memory, no answer, no voice mail just the hollow sound of the canned voice – `this number is not accepting calls from you at this time.' Scott slept fitfully that night – he now knew this was his fault and he didn't know how to fix it. It was clear that he still loved AJ with all his heart, he was just not sure if he had destroyed that forever.
Jonathan was up early the next morning – he rang the other Jonathan to discuss the situation. `Jonathan, this is JR – Jonathan Reed, Scott's father.' AJ's dad greeted the other Jonathan, `now at least we can keep it a little easier for everyone, you can call me JJ.' The two dads had a long conversation, first catching up and making sure that on a personal level they were both doing well and that Evelyn was in good health and how Gina's wedding plans were coming along. JJ complained about the cost and thought he might encourage Kevin and Gina to elope and then have a big reception when they returned as it would cut back on the costs.
Once the two men were caught up, JR broached the subject of the two boys – he wanted to know if JJ though there would be anyway to broker a conversation as this seemed to be a huge misunderstanding. JJ was not really sure; he had only seen his son for a few minutes when he and the little ones stopped by on the way to their place near Seattle. AJ did not want to talk about Scott and he was frustrated his dad would not drop the AJ moniker. With that tension, it was very clear that his son had boxed a few things up emotionally and closed a door. In the past AJ could get VERY pig headed when he made a decision and even more so when anyone tried to change it no matter whether they were right or not. JR chuckled with that one – Scott could be such a pain in the ass if he thought others were not going along with his point of view and he felt strongly in a different direction. He loved his son, but knew he could be obstinate.
JR asked if Evelyn could join their conversation and JJ, said she was sitting across the desk listening in. Evelyn joined in, she had been waiting for a break in the conversation to say she was glad the adults were having a conversation. JR chuckled at the comment – Its hard to believe that they are in their mid-twenties and acting like teenagers. Evelyn corrected – AJ won't be 22 until May, so He is barely a 20-year-old. He has had to grow up fast with Caleb and Conor in the mix, but sometimes he acts too much like his father – stubborn as an old mule. JJ quickly stated – we should stay focused on the boys and leave this old mule out of the mix. The conversation covered the adults surprise that they boys were interested in each other to begin with, but they all agreed they indeed were head over heels for the other.
The parents had a scheme in place that was sure to produce fireworks for AJ, but in the end, they felt like it might just be a big enough explosion to crack open that steel box he has put everything but his boys in. With the plan set the said their goodbyes and agreed they would see each other in a few hours.
Scott emerged from his room about 30 minutes later looking like he had been in a bar fight and lost. JR handed him a cup of coffee and told him to get his ass in the shower and pack clothes for a week. They were leaving in 30 minutes so get moving. Scott protested, but his dad broke out his police voice and left NO room for discussion. 25 minutes later they were in JRs F-150 heading west with Scott asking questions, getting no answers and getting more frustrated as they drove. JR was not going to discuss what was going on until he had reached JJ and Evelyn's home just outside of Ellensburg. 2 ½ hours into the 3-hour drive; Scott had a meltdown – he was demanding to know where they were going, his life was over, he had no future, had screwed up with Maureen and then the catastrophic fuck up with AJ; please dad turn around so I can sleep for a week and hopefully get some sanity back. JR looked at his son and said – we are moving forward together, so please sit back and relax as best you can.
JR turned into a long driveway on about 10 acres of land, Scott was beyond confused until they got nearer the house. He saw Jonathan and Evelyn waiving from the front porch. They had an awesome set up – what looked to be about a 3,000 square foot ranch style house, attached garage, huge covered front porch, detached shop/barn with a few head of cattle and a couple of horses. As they approached, he was yelling at his dad – what do you think you are doing, AJ doesn't want anything to do with me, I screwed this up and I'm sure his parents hate me with every fiber of their being.
JR stopped the pickup, opened the door and greeted JJ with a warm hug and handshake – `my ears feel like they are bleeding. All I have heard for the last 3 hours is whining and complaining.' JJ chuckled. As this was going on, Evelyn had circled the pickup and was pulling Scott out of the vehicle, hugging him and reassuring him mama was here to try and fix things. Scott melted and lost what composure he had – this was the first time in 3 years that he had a `mama' and needed it more than he realized. With greetings complete, Evelyn hooked her arm into Scotts and took them into the house for a hot meal of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. Lunch was had and no discussion was had about AJ and Scott. You could see Scott's emotional cycles were up and down and side to side during lunch, but `the adults' were keeping things on track with their plan.
Evelyn asked Scott to help her clear the table and load the dishwasher – Scott's emotions got the best of him – `what am I doing here, this is nuts I fucked things up with AJ to a point where there is no turning back, he has blocked my number and has rightfully shut me out completely.' JR started to reprimand Scott for his language, but Evelyn interrupted as she took Scott's hand – `I know you are hurting right now, I understand from your father what happened but I'm asking you to trust us to help fix this mess. Things are messed up for sure, but I know my son. He looks like a grown man and he is by in large, but with what has happened since Sydney died he doesn't trust his judgement right now, he has become the little boy I raised – if you crossed him, you were most often never let back in. You my dear boy knocked him off track and turned his world upside down. He opened his heart to you.' Scott interrupted – `I screwed things up.' Evelyn cut him off – `please Scott let me get this out and no more interruptions.' Scott nodded his head and said `yes mama.'
`Scott, you have to understand that my son has the biggest heart I have ever seen – he wears it out in the open for everyone to see if they care to look. When Sydney died – his whole world was ceased to turn. He was a shell of his former self; I believe if he did not have Caleb and Conor, he would not have made it through that ordeal. Sydney was his entire world from the moment he met her – it was there for the world to see. I saw a change in AJ in August when we talked – it was clear he had come back to the rest of us – his eyes were alive again. I didn't know why at the time and frankly didn't give a damn, I had my baby back. When we met you in early November, I was honestly shocked and didn't understand how my son had turned gay, but I realized watching the two of you, he didn't turn gay he fell in love with his forever love. You just happened to be a man, but it was crystal clear that you brought the life, shine and glimmer to his eyes. I'm sure you have seen how his eyes dance when he is happy, glint when he is mischievous and honestly seem to bubble when he is turned on. Don't laugh a mama can tell when her boy is lusting for someone and you must admit you have seen all of those emotions run through that man's eyes. Now let's talk about where his head is right now – he is in little boy mode; he doesn't know how to process the rejection he heard from you, I know you didn't mean that, but you must accept that is what came out of your mouth. AJ wears his heart on his sleeve and takes EVERYONE at their word. You pulled him out of the despair he was in, he took his wedding ring off his finger for YOU. Then when he tells you he wants you to be his husband, you get rattled and ultimately tell him you won't move for him, so the little boy is back – he pushes all the hurt into a box and clings on to the things that have NEVER hurt or disappointed him, right now there are only two people in this world that have NEVER disappointed him – Caleb and Conor. Even his dad and me have disappointed him – we weren't supportive of Sydney at first – he was 19 when they got pregnant and we shut down on him. I saw my little boy again; if you aren't with me then you are against me and if you are against me, I'm done with you. It took us months to get him to open up to us completely, all of this stems from his grandmother's death, which we can talk about later, but trust me – he is so worth the effort. Scott, will you trust me to help you fix this?'
Scott found it hard to speak because he knew he had caused this pain by rambling when he should have been breathing and organizing his thoughts, so all he did was nod his head and hug AJs mama. The adults spent the next 2 hours talking through what they wanted to do, Scott was apprehensive, but was going to trust mama if no one else.
It was dinner time and they had a light dinner and were heading to bed – they had a long day ahead. Mama put Scott in AJs room. He stripped down and took a long hot shower. AJ had a complete set of his toiletries in the bathroom, even though Scott brough his own he used AJs. He wanted to have his smell with him, Scott was nearly broken inside and the comfort of AJs smell helped immensely. He then went to AJs dresser and pulled out underwear, sweats and a t-shirt to wear to bed. He crawled into the bed that he knew AJ slept in and asked God to help him make this right; he did not want to try and get through this without AJ.
Scott tossed and turned most of the night. The next morning mama opened the door and told him breakfast was ready, Scott stumbled out to the table for something to eat. The adults all looked at Scott and the consensus was that he truly had it bad for AJ. Scott bristled – what do you mean? Well son – you have AJs clothes on and you smell an awful lot like you used his cologne. Scott blushed and acknowledged that he wanted to feel AJ near him. Mama hugged him and whispered so only he could hear – `I'm going to do everything I can to fix this because you my dear boy are right for him.'
The four of them piled into the O'Brien's land yacht and headed for AJs new home in Hunts Point. They met Charlene and Elliott in Bellevue at the same park n' ride that they had met AJ at 2 days ago. Hugs and kisses were shared. Charlene did convey she was truly worried about AJ; it was clear he was not the same man she had come to love and adore; she didn't know how to put it. Evelyn piped up – he's acting like a little boy who has decided his friends are against him so he is not going to play with anyone right now. Charlene chuckled as she picture a little blond haired, blue eyed boy getting so frustrated that he couldn't do anything other than push everyone away to protect himself.
The six of them loaded up and headed into battle. AJ was expecting Charlene and Elliott for brunch.