If you are not of age of consent in your area (18 or 21), please do not read on. I never got that rule, I mean who needs access to erotica more then lonely gay teenagers? Anyway, it's not my rule. If you're offended by gay men having sex, or being in love, then what the heck are you doing here? Go away.
This is my story, I wrote it from my own mind. Any relations to events in real life is purely coincidental. Do not reprint this story without permission.
This is going to be a multi-chapter story, there will be no sex for the first couple of chapters, sorry to disappoint.
This is a sequel to Finally Home, which can also be found in the Beginnings section. Many parts of this story will not make sense unless you read Finally Home. This is Brian's story, you will first meet him in Finally Home.
Please be nice. If you don't like it I don't care, unless you can tell me why you don't like it. Then I am very interested. Thank you
Mason mason0201@yahoo.com -- Please email me at this address if you want to be on my mailing list
Warning changing points of view here folks, I know that annoyed some of you in Finally Home, but I'm the writer, so I'm allowed.
From Toby's POV:
Chapter 3
Michael and I are not blind, despite being a bit wrapped up in each other we both noticed the change in Brian. He was so cute. I wonder if Michael and I were this cute when we were falling in love. He kept asking us little questions, like how did you know you were in love, what does it feel like when you're in love? And if I thought he grinned before this, now he was starting to look like one of those maniacs that grin's even if the world is ending.
Michael and I started trying to guess who the lucky boy was. But we could not for the life of us figure it out. And Brian wasn't talking about it. We never even thought of James. Never in my life would I have thought of James if it hadn't been so totally blatant in the end. Never. Brian and James, no way. No two people could be more different.
You have to understand though, I have absolutely no problem with the age difference. I suppose it's because I understand more about James's life then Brian does. James is more mature then Brian is in lots of ways, James is one of those guys that had to grow up real fast. Maybe I should explain. James's real father was a good man, he raised his children well, and worked hard. But he died when James was ten. Leaving his wife with 7 children under 10. So she remarried in less then a year, the first man to show any interest. It was either marry him or she and all her children would have been living on the street. James's stepfather turned out to be an abusive alcoholic. Not to mention a hate monger. So James, as the oldest child, became the protector. He protected his younger brothers and sisters by taking the brunt of his stepfather's abuse. James grew up fast in other ways as well, he became aware of his sexuality very early, he started messing around with guys when he was 11. He was 15 and his brother Martin was14 when their stepfather caught Martin with his boyfriend. As the protector James tried to defend his brother. Their stepfather took this as a sign that James was gay too, as happened to be the case, so he threw them both out, after beating James. James and Martin were on the streets for three months before they found the teen center. During their time on the street they begged and stole for most of their needs, and managed to keep up in school for the most part, don't ask me how. When there was no other option James, always the protector, sold himself for money to feed him and his brother. He didn't have to do it much, but when it comes to prostitution it doesn't take long before you feel like a piece of meat. The low point was when Martin caught a cold, it was the middle of winter and soon he was dangerously ill. Father Patrick found them in the alley behind the teen center, trying to keep warm in a dumpster. Martin was in the hospital for three weeks. The first year they were at the center James spent most of his weekends sneaking onto those college dance clubs and raves uptown. He was already big enough to pass for a 21 year old, so he drank a lot and scored a lot. I think that was the year he was trying to forget his past. Things started to change for him during his junior year though, it was when his mother secretly started to visit the boys every Sunday that James started to come to terms with what had happened to him, accepting the past and thinking about the future. That was the year that James became an adult. He came to realize that casual sex wasn't what he wanted, he stopped playing the field and started spending more time at the center making friends with the kids, he became the protector of all the live-ins at the center. It's a small shelter, with under 30 beds, so the residents become a family.
James had done the partying, he'd done the club drugs, he'd played the casual sex game. In many ways he's more mature then Brian. One thing I know about James is that he knows what he wants out of his life, he's the most mature kid I have ever met. Anyway, Michael and I started seeing a noticeable change in Brian after the incident with the gang banger with the knife to Brian's throat. It was scary, seeing someone about to die right in front of you. It was odd though, the unspoken communication that went on between James and Brian, they both knew when to strike. It was like they were connected. Even then, though, Michael and I didn't think anything of it. We watched over the next two months as James and Brian became closer and closer. James changed, he seemed happier, more at peace with himself then I have ever seen him. And at home Brian was a lovesick maniac.
Neither Michael or I are stupid, but admittedly we were a little preoccupied with each other, and although we did discuss who Brian's mystery love could be. When we were alone we were usually otherwise occupied. The moment Brian left the apartment Michael would usually have me happily on my back with my legs in the air, not that I minded at all, I'm just as insatiable as he is. So our discussions about who Brian was in love with usually occurred during the hazy, half conscious state we call afterglow, when our minds we not at there best. We just couldn't seem to connect that James and Brian might be love sick for one another. Although it does make sense, James is mature for his age, and Brian is immature for his age, so when you think about it they meet somewhere in the middle. When I finally saw what was going on I realized that Brian and James are actually perfect for each other, in a fire and ice make steam, opposites attract, jungle fever, sort of way.
As with any good love story, you can't have a happy ending without a little drama. It started about two months after the gang banger incident, as we have taken to calling it. Brian had been tutoring James in math, I found this a little odd, since I know James to be a straight A student, but like I said, it meant that Brian was gone for an evening, and Michael and I were a bit busy to question our good fortune. Anyway about two months after the tutoring began it ended rather abruptly. Brian came home one night, earlier then usual, looking like death warmed over. His eyes were red, and he had this sad look on his face that made me want to cry, even though I didn't know what was wrong. He just said he didn't feel good and went to bed. That was the last time he tutored James. It was the next week in our support group meeting that I noticed the change in James. He was withdrawn and sullen. I didn't think about it much though, I thought that if something was truly wrong he would bring it up in group.
Weeks passed and neither one was any better. I also had noticed that their friendship was suffering. Before James had almost always hung out with Brian whenever we were at the center, but now they were barely speaking. So my slow brain started to think about the obvious possibility, something was going on between the two of them.
I got even more worried one night, about 6 weeks after Brian stopped tutoring James. I woke up in the middle of the night with a headache. For some odd reason, in this household the Tylenol is kept in the kitchen. I still have no idea why, but I'm not one to stand on ceremony, so I went to the kitchen to get a couple of Tylenol. Brian was sitting on a stool staring blankly at a bottle of Stoli Vodka.
"Brian?" I asked from the doorway. He didn't seem to notice me. I went over and put my arm around his shoulders. "Brian?"
He turned to me with tears in his eyes, looking at me like he didn't recognize me.
"Brian are you okay?"
He nodded slowly as tears started to slip down his cheeks.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He refused to meet my gaze.
"This can't be nothing Brian. You've been hurting for like a month now."
I was standing close to Brian with my arm still around his shoulders. Suddenly a soft sob escaped his throat and he leaned into me, burying his head in the nape of my neck he started crying, clinging to me like a small child. For lack of anything better to do I wrapped my arms around him and held him as he cried on my shoulder. I rubbed my hands up and down his back and told him that everything would be okay, still not sure what was going on I decided that whatever it was he needed comforting. He calmed down after about 10 minutes and pulled away, wiping his tears away he picked up the bottle and walked to the doorway before turning and whispering "Thanks Toby."
That was it. The next day he said he didn't want to talk about it. Later that week is when I finally got a clue. It happened on the night that Michael and I meet with my support group. Michael had become a part of the group after we got together, the boys decided that they wanted another adult figure, which was fine with me, we spent a lot of time discussing relationships and the boys thought having an adult couple to learn from was great. The support group is made up of 8 boys who are living in the shelter part of the teen center. These kids were all kicked out of there homes because they are gay. That week was no different then usual, the kids came in boisterously, and settled into their usual spots. James was the only exception to the norm, he came into the room without looking up and sat down heavily in his chair. This had been happening a lot lately, and James refused to talk about it, even Martin couldn't get him to open up. I had tried everything to get James to talk to me, I knew he trusted me, he had told me things about his past that not even Martin knew. Brian had been on my mind a lot that day and seeing James's similar attitude something started to click. So I decided that I would try another approach to get James to open up, the only approach I hadn't tried yet.
I started the meeting by asking how everyone was doing. After getting a chorus of "Fine." And "Kewl." I turned to James, who was sitting silently.
"James, how are you doing?"
"Fine."
"Really?"
"Yes." He said and glanced up at me with a defiant look in his eyes.
"Okay, guys." I turned to address the whole group. "Today I thought we would talk about all those rave drugs that are going around. You know the ones I mean, X, K, and Tina are just a few, we have some stats and some info on what they do and what their dangers are. We'll be talking about that right after James talks about what's wrong."
"Not gonna say." James stated our `safe phrase' firmly. We use this as a phrase to let everyone know when to stop pushing an issue.
"This is a support group James, we all want to support you. Something hasn't been right for a while now. And you need to talk about it." I persisted evenly, ignoring the safe phrase. All eyes were on James.
"I can't talk about this." James said softly, sound very much like a lost child.
"You can tell us anything James. You need to talk about this, you're in pain and we can all see it." He kept his head down but I could see his shoulders shaking slightly. I took a gamble on my new theory. "Love doesn't have to hurt like this James."
He looked up at me shocked, and I knew I was right, he was in love with Brian. And then he was on his feet and heading out of the room. The rest of the guys looked on stunned. But I was not going to be that easily deterred. I tossed my notes in Michael's lap and hopped up to follow James, calling as I left, "Michael's going to lead you guys today."
James was striding across the games hall that makes up most of the basement when I exited the room our support group meets in, I hurried after him as he crossed the room and ducked into one of the private study rooms. I entered the room after him, pumped for another confrontation only to find James sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest crying like a baby. I closed the door behind me and kneeled down beside him.
"James?" I put my hand on his shoulder tentatively only to have him throw himself against my chest and cry, much like Brian had done earlier in the week. I held on and let him cry, a little less bewildered this time.
He cried softly for a long time before he began to calm down, finally pulling away and leaning his head against the cinderblock wall. I sat next to his legs, facing him.
"It's Brian isn't it?" I asked as gently as I could. He nodded sadly. "You're in love with him?"
He nodded again. "He doesn't love me." His whispered.
"Are you sure?"
He gave me a questioning look but then shook his head. "I kissed him."
"Really?" I tried to keep the surprise out of my voice.
"Yeah."
"Did he kiss you back?"
"Yeah."
"How was it?"
"Incredible. Perfect. Magical. Better then I dreamed it could be."
"Then what happened?"
"He said it was wrong."
"Wrong?"
"Because I'm only 17."
"Oh." Suddenly the self-torment Brian must be feeling hit me. It made sense then, why he wouldn't talk about it. He was torturing himself, thinking of James as a child. Seeing himself as some kind of child molester.
"He said that I should go to college and fuck frat boys, he didn't understand that I've done that shit before, that I know what I want. I tried to tell him that I knew what I wanted with my life, that I was more mature then he was giving me credit for, but he wouldn't listen, he just said it was wrong."
"God, James I'm sorry."
"Why does he think like that Toby? I don't understand."
"In a way he's right James," I hurried on before James could argue with me. "Brian could get in a lot of trouble for messing around with you before you're 18. Especially since he's a volunteer here. That part I agree with him on. It could get Father P and the shelter in a hell of a lot of trouble."
"So I'm 18 in two weeks, what about then?"
"Then you're going to have to get him to change his mind about you."
"But how?"
"Does he know about your childhood? About growing up and living on the street and everything you had to do to survive?"
"He knows, I've told him everything, he just doesn't understand how it affected me."
"Then we need to give him time."
James let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't even know how he feels about me. I know he's interested, but I don't know if he loves me."
"I wouldn't be surprised." I said it before I could think about it.
"Why?" James looked at me hopefully.
"Well lets just say he's in about the same shape you're in. James, you just need to be patient. If he's in love with you I can guarantee that he's never felt this way before, and he can be very hard headed at times. Do you think you can be patient?"
"For him, I know I can." James said softly, I could hear the love in his voice.
"Good, the first thing I think you should do is invite him to your birthday party, personally, otherwise I doubt he'll come."
"Okay." James smiled, it was the first time I'd seen him smile in months.
Just then there was a soft knock on the door, James reached up quickly to wipe the tear streaks off his face as I called "Who is it?"
"It's Father Patrick." Came the deep Irish lilt of the Priest who runs the center.
"Come on in Father P." James called.
Father Patrick peaked his head in before stepping into the room. "Is everything alright lads?" He asked, his voice thick with concern, having been just as worried about James's mood in the last month as the rest of us.
"Yeah Father." James answered softly. "I think everything is going to be okay now."
Father Patrick smiled broadly, seeing the change in James already. "Good, well then boys, your group has ended their meeting and Brian and Michael are waiting for you upstairs Toby." I was surprised that we had been sitting here for that long, James must have cried for longer then I thought.
"Thanks Father Patrick." I said. He nodded and left without saying anything else. I pulled myself to my feet and helped pull James up.
"Might as well take the bull by the horns and talk to him now before I lose the nerve." James said with a nervously sigh.
We walked through the basement up the stairs and into the converted sanctuary that we call the activity hall, we use it for basketball and other sports type activities. Brian and Michael were standing in the middle of the room, when they saw us approaching they headed toward us, Brian looked nervous and Michael looked concerned and curious.
"Hey guys." I smiled brightly.
"Hey, everything okay?" Michael asked.
"Yeah everything's fine." I smiled reassuringly at Michael and then turned and looked at James expectantly.
"I just wanted to make sure that you guys were coming to my birthday party in a couple of weeks." James said nervously, his hands were stuck deep in his pockets, I suspect to stop them from shaking.
"Of course we're coming James." Michael answered, confused because we had already confirmed and bought him a gift.
"Are you coming Brian?" James looked pleadingly at Brian.
Brian fidgeted nervously and then finally looked up to meet James gaze. Even from the side I could see the strong emotions passing between them in that look.
"Please? It wouldn't be the same if you weren't there." James said softly. Michael was watching the exchange in total confusion.
I could see Brian caving in. I knew that all it would take was a look from James, Michael was the same way, if I gave him a certain pleading look he would cave in to just about anything.
"Of course, I wouldn't miss it James." Brian finally managed to say.
"Good." James grinned, causing Brian to blush and turn away.
"I'll wait outside for you guys, see you next week James." Brian hurried away.
"Someone want to tell me what's going on?" Michael asked as he watched his brother's retreating back.
I looked at James. He smiled, "You can tell him if you want, but I'm not in the mood to talk anymore, you wore me out T, I'm gonna crash."
"Okay, `night J." James gave me a quick hug and bumped Michael's fist before turning away.
"Ok baby, spill it." Michael looked at me expectantly.
"James is in love."
"Great, how does that explain anything?"
"Brian is in love too."
"Who are they in love with?" Sometimes he's a little slow on the uptake.
"Each other."
Michael's eyes got wide and I could see his mind working as things started connecting. "Oh my god."
"Yeah." I grinned.
"Brian and James?"
"Yeah, isn't that a kick in the head?"
"You can say that again."
"Now we just need to get Brian to pull his head out of his ass."
"What's the problem?"
"He won't stop thinking of James as a kid. He thinks he robbing the cradle."
"That's bullshit, James could teach him a few life lessons."
"I know." I paused. "I don't think we should let on to Brian that we know anything until we have a definite plan."
"You think we should interfere?" Michael looked at me skeptically.
"Yes, I'm not sure how to help them best, but I do know for sure that they are going to need our help. Besides, Brian helped get us together."
"Not looking for revenge are you?" Michael asked me with raised eyebrows.
"No, I don't see it like that, he and nana got us together after I thought all hope was gone, he deserves the same favor from us."
"You really think that they would work out."
"I think they're perfect for each other."
Michael considered this for a moment before he nodded. "Yeah I think you just might be right."
"Come on, Brian's waiting." I ended the conversation and we hurried to collect our lovesick roommate.
I wasn't sure what to do about Brian and James. I finally decided to talk to nana, my grandmother, about it. She and Brian had helped Michael and I get together and I knew that if anyone could help it would be her.
My grandmother is about the most open minded person I know. She is full of life. She is the only family I have who continued to talk to me after I came out. I have brunch with her every week. Michael and Brian come with me every other week.
So the next Sunday when I saw nana for our usual brunch I told her the whole story, as far as I knew it. And I told her all about James. When I finished she had a twinkle in her eyes and she just said. "You leave Brian to me my good boy. I know exactly what to do."