WHAT UP PEEPS!
Its your boy Ryan with another story ;)
This one, is a little on the daring side. You'll find out as you read it. All I'm saying is...I truly believe there is LOVE out there...for EVERY ONE.
Wanna chat? Feel free! Email me! liciousryan@gmail.com
Love always, Ryan
FEELS LIKE COMING HOME
It took a long time for me to accept myself as what I was.
Gay.
Into people of my own gender. We are considered by many people to be abnormal, sick, twisted...virtually begging to burn in the flames of hell for all eternity.
Fuck that.
No matter how hard or how badly you want people to believe that homosexuals do NOT chose their own attraction to the same sex, the less they are gonna believe you. Which is why I decided to come out at the ripe age of twenty-one. I refused to cry myself to sleep anymore for not dating the person I really wanted to, or being the right gender for that said.
Only gays would really understand what it truly means to desperately want, crave, seek, beg for the touch, kisses, caresses and even the love of another man. There is a rawness in two men kissing the crap out of each other that very few people out there can explain. It makes you feel ALIVE like nothing on this earth. Knowing that it is soooo motherfucking forbidden...makes you cum even harder doesn't it lol.
Well, I supposed its easy to say that in a big metropolitan city like Cape Town, South Africa, one would be able to meet an awesome guy, have fun, have sex, fall in love and end up dating...well not for me, at least. Make no mistake, I had my fair share of guys in the past, but they all chose to piss off after the sex was done and dusted.
They say relationships are overrated these days, because of the simple fact that people simply don't trust each other like they did anymore. You always, always wonder what your partner may be up to...is he cheating...is he seeing other people...is he lying to you about where he goes...paranoia that you really know can FUCK up a loving relationship but you are powerless to stop the doubts because of how life is in 2019. Feel free to mail me, if you agree.
For that reason, I haven't actually found...the one. Okay, I'm only thirty-one years of age, but I really feel I'm done with the late night partying and all nighters that I was so good at. Should have seen me in my prime, at five in the morning, the party was just getting started hahaha! Now, with my own restaurant and financial freedom, I felt like I was ready to take that final step. Finding a person that I could call...my partner.
I actually had my eye on one of the waiters that worked for me at my restaurant. His name was Gavin, and he was, in a word, beautiful. Actually, the word `angelic' sprung to mind when I first saw him.
How fucking ironic.
Just two years younger than me, he fell on some hard times and had to fall back on being a waiter, after having been retrenched at his precious job. Because of my attraction to him, there was a couple of times that I had chosen to over see some of the crap he got up to whilst working, such as taking more than three breaks per shift, pitching up for work late and being an absolute dick to his fellow co-workers.
I wasn't really thinking with my big brain, lets leave it at that. Lol.
Anyhow, I only ever saw him with girls, flirting and dating numerous of them during his time at work, and whilst I knew I didn't have the guts to start something with him, even if by some miracle he was into guys, well...I was at the point where looking at him and actually being in his presence was enough. Sad looking back now. But when you're in lust, you don't seem to care about what is right in front of your eyes.
I did alright for myself, I guess, I had my own income, I'm relatively good looking, I looked after myself and I was proud of the six pack I had achieved over the years. So why would I have been surprised when Gavin asked me out one evening after we had closed up...?
"Have one or two beers" he called it. And that's basically what I thought it was. I mean, this stud who was dating three girls at the same time couldn't possibly be gay?
Count two hours later when he had me fuck up him up the ass whilst he moaned in pleasure and it would seem life was great.
I should have seen the signs, I mean, writing all this now, it was as clear as day. But when the heart wants, really wants...you can literally show someone damning evidence and they'll still choose not believe the truth.
Keep us, a secret, he said. The other employees at Salt would get jealous and call it nepotism, he said. It would be our dirty little secret, he said.
We started a full fledged, albeit a secret, relationship. When we were away prying eyes of course he was a loving as any boyfriend could get. He used to buy me flowers, bring me little trinkets at work, he would WhatsApp me when he was off, and I had to be at Salt, saying he missed me. I was so crazy head over heels in love, I really refused to see what he was doing. It was 2019 for fuck sake...why should there have been a need to keep things secret?
And of course, the cherry on the cake, according to Gavin, he had to keep dating girls and flirting with the female clients because of appearance. He was only "out" to me, and he knew his family and friends would reject him. To think I believed, AND felt sorry for the bastard. But at the time, I had no reason not to believe what he was telling me.
I would actually see him flirt with girls and I would see him take them out at night and he would message me saying he was sorry and that he loved me, and that in the end, he was doing this for US...AND he would always come back to me.
Some nights I waited until 04:00 in the morning for him to hammer the door open, drunk as a fucking skunk. I would keep quiet and simply take him to bed to sleep it off. In the morning, everything would be okay, things would be awesome once more, we would be Gavin and Ryan, happy and content.
I loved him. Shoot me.
Two weeks ago however, my life changed forever. Maybe for the greater as, as I received a call from my sister, Melissa. Right from the start I could tell that she sounded weird. Like, she was afraid to tell me something, yet desperately wanting to.
Eventually, and after much persuasion, she finally asked me, if I knew where Gavin was. Melissa was the only person apart from Gavin who knew our secret. I couldn't keep anything from my twin sister, there was just no way, we were too close. I told her the truth, that Gavin was on a surprise visit to his mother who was sick and he asked not to be disturbed.
So guess my surprise when my twin sister told me that Gavin just booked in to the guest house where she worked as a chef, with a woman.
Part of me wanted to say she was wrong, even so, that she was lying. But everything that happened in the past few weeks, all the signs that I blissfully chose to ignore over the past months, everything that he promised and clearly was never planning to deliver on...
I stood outside the guest house's room 208 what seemed like forever once I got there. I heard the moans. The groans. Gavin's natural noises he made when he was having sex. As if in a dream, perhaps even a nightmare, I slowly opened the door.
I dunno what exactly I had expected to find. But Gavin on his back, with a woman on top of him, buttfucking him with a strap on was NOT one of them.
So basically my dick up his ass wasn't good enough for him. It clearly didn't satisfy Gavin, if he needed to cheat on me with a woman wearing a fake cock. That hurt even more than the fact that I could have been such a damn fool for such a long time.
Long story short, I got rid of everything in my apartment that belonged to Gavin and I chucked it out onto the street, and very terrifically, just when it started to pour down with rain. Safe to say, Gavin was not impressed with his shit on the pavement all wet and water damaged, and after a string of insults which basically said that I...I had to be THANKFUL that he even LOOKED at me when he was straight...I slammed the door on his ass for the final time.
Sadly, I couldn't fire him at work without a good professional reason, and he knew that. Well, life made me a cruel bitch right about then and when some money went missing from Salt's safe, and when it was eventually and VERY conveniently found in Gavin's locker, I had the means to get rid of him for good.
I hated myself because of what he made me do and what I had become. I vowed right there and then that I would NEVER so much as look at another attractive man again. Rejection simply hurt way too much. I got it into my head that ever guy I would ever date would eventually cheat on me or leave me. Fuck this shit. I'd rather stay alone for ever.
It was about two months after Gavin disappeared from my life, and I met up with Melissa for coffee. Surprise, surprise when her fiancé Kevin joined up with us. Kevin knew I was gay, but he was one of those guys who simply didn't give a stuff about who a person dated. Gay, straight, bisexual...he believed in being who you were. We shook hands and made shop talk, we never had really talked for more than a few hours at a family barbeque. Anyhow, they told me that they were finally heading out to Kevin's parent's farm to introduce Melissa to his family.
"About time, Slugger. What time are you guys heading out? Should I water your plants for the weekend? It's not like I have anything else to do," I said ruefully. Melissa rolled her ryes and took Kevin's hand in hers.
"Hell no. We wanna invite you to come with us. Before you say no...it's a huge piece of land, wide open spaces. Animals galore. Horses and dogs and shit like that. Come on man, I can't stand seeing my brother become whatever the male equivalent of a nun is!"
Melissa satisfactorily sat back and took a sip of her coffee. What she described did sound like a good idea. Infact, it sounded like fucking paradise. I've been dying to get away from here and hiding out on a farm for a weekend...I could do worse.
"Kevin, do you even have a say here? Are you gonna be fine with this?"
"Hey man, you're nearly family. Besides, you wouldn't be alone. My brother is also staying there for the weekend. He didn't want to but I kinda bullied him into it. He lives in a...well, you'll see when you get there. I want everyone to meet the girl who stole my heart..." Kevin replied with an answer that made me physically feel sick.
I was happy for my sister...but she had the love of her life and what exactly did I have?
Still. I kinda wanted to do this.
"Okay, I'm in. Lemme know what time tomorrow. I'll be there," I said before deciding on a bran muffin and a cuppachino.
**
We were nearly at Kevin's family farm after driving on gravel for two hours when we saw a café on the side of the road. This was the West Coast of South Africa, so it was nearly all ground paths and like, hours of nothing except trees and the occasionally road signs.
I was literally starving and I really needed to take in some fluids. Melissa and I got out whilst Kevin he would wait in the car. Melissa ran straight to the toilet as she had been complaining of wanting to take a shit for past 10 minutes. Sorry for the into hahaha. I was desperate for a Coke so I grabbed three and along with it a couple of packets of crisps and some dip. I paid for out stuff and walked back outside.
Funny enough, Kevin wasn't in the car. Don't tell me he went to shit as well...yep...no car keys. He had to have gone inside without me seeing him. Well great. Its hot as fuck to the max in this god forsaken West Coastal town and my phone's battery was dead so I couldn't even keep myself busy. Maybe Kevin or Melissa had left one of the doors open...
"Hey you! Get away from that car!"
Wait what?
All I saw was a youngish guy storming towards me at a ferocious speed. I was stunned into statuesque mode because I couldn't believe what was happening. Suddenly I was pushed with the strength of a pure bred farm boy. My shopping fell on the gravel and so did I.
"Think you can steal my brother's car and get away with it?" the guy hissed.
"I wasn't stealing ANYTHING, dude! I'm waiting for my sister and her..."
"Oh yeah right, like you weren't lurking around the car and peeping through the windows like 2 minutes ago! Go back to where you came from, City Boy. We ain't liking your kind over here!"
If it wasn't so laughable I'd be angry as fuck. Luckily I saw Kevin and Melissa make their way out if the café holding hands. Meanwhile I had to cope with Rambo outside here. Nice one, sis.
"Stryker?" Kevin called out as he walked towards the car.
"Bro! Just in time. This city slicker was trying to steal your car. Luckily I stopped him. We have to call the police and arrest him. Don't worry bro, I got your back..."
"Kevin, would you tell him? Seriously, he's getting boring and I'd like to get to a bed right now," I said, tired of playing nice. The migraine that had been threatening to burst out of my forehead, had done. I wasn't in the mood for games, especially not with a guy that couldn't have been older than twenty and still acted like some kind of vigilante.
To my surprise, Gavin put his arm around the maniac.
"Stryker, buddy...this is Melissa, my fiancé. Remember, we talked about her? And this guy you say wanted to steak my car, is her brother, Ryan. They came to visit us this weekend. He wasn't trying to steal my car, buddy. He was probably looking inside to see where I was. Right, Ryan?"
I heard my name through the pounding going on inside my head. I caught Kevin's eye, and he secretly signalled to me to agree with what he said.
I sighed.
"Your brother is right. I wouldn't steal his car, or anyone's ever. I'm way too honest for that," I croaked, attempting a little joke to ease the tension, but no one was in the mood for laughing.
Stryker looked like he had just found a lost puppy. It was like he desperately wanted to believe that he was in fact, still correct in taking me on, but his brain was telling him something else. Eventually, he nodded and slowly came close to me.
"I'm...I'm really very sorry..." he whispered, so quickly and quietly that I could barely hear him.
"What was that?" I bitched back.
"Ryan! Just leave it, okay? Let's get to their home, I think we're all just tired," Melissa tried to salvage the situation to which everyone seemed to agree. I closed my eyes and tried to forget my headache. Got into the car and blocked out everyone and everything. This was just great. Just got out of a relationship which I was cheated on from day one and now I had to spent the weekend with a guy who hates my guts.
When we arrived at the farm, well, I couldn't disagree with Kevin and Melissa that it was beautiful. Fields and meters of populated, beautiful scenery. Meadows, flowers, and even a river stream blazed past us as we drove towards the main house. Even though I had my earphones in and I was listening to One Direction (kill me) I could see that Stryker was talking non stop to Melissa and Kevin. Using his arms and fingers to back up whatever he was saying his eyes were...childlike. He was like a child stuck inside a twenty year old's body. What was up with that...? He was literally like a kid on steroids.
Mrs Jansen, mother to both Kevin and Stryker, was very welcoming and hugged me and Melissa both after meeting us for the first time. She was warm, kind hearted and the perfect motherly type of person. I immediately felt at home, if you could call it that. Our rooms were absolutely to die for, warm, sunny and cosy, complete with an ensuite bathroom and a small balcony. Not fancy, not poor, just fucking perfect. I didn't really wanna be here at the start of the weekend but I was genuinely happy that I came.
As I walked onto the balcony, my eye caught some movement. As I looked closer, I saw it was Stryker inside the huge swimming pool at the back of the house. What the hell was he do...was he naked?
"I'm sorry, buddy. I guess I have some explaining to do."
I turned around at the voice and saw Kevin enter the room with two cups of coffee, one of which he handed over to me.
"I suppose you have noticed that Stryker is not...well...he is not quite like majority of the people we meet everyday."
I nodded, and looked back towards Stryker. He really, truly was naked, and he was seemingly dancing his heart out in the middle of the pool outside. I couldn't fail to notice tho...that he had...well...he had a six pack that would rival that of KJ Apa. For some reason I suddenly struggled to swallow.
"When Stryker was fourteen years old, he was involved in a horrific skateboard accident. Head on collision with a speeding car. It was touch and go for a while, and he was in a coma for a few weeks. When he finally woke up...well...he was like you see him now. He is literally a fourteen year old teenage boy stuck in a twenty-five year old man's body. In his brain, he will always be a teenager. I should have told both you and Melissa of him in the first place, but...well you know how people are. They hear `brain trauma' and they get freaked. Hope you will still stay the weekend?"
A tear ran down my cheek as he finished telling the story. Poor Stryker. Wow. Oh man, life could be so cruel. This...to be honest...this beautiful, handsome man, that will forever be a kid inside his head, it was so fucking sad. I felt Kevin's hand on my shoulder and I turned around to face him.
"Don't worry, man. I'll humour Stryker. I'll try my best to get to know him better. He's gonna be family soon, after all."
I actually meant it.
As Kevin left to take Melissa for a tour of the farm grounds, I saw Stryker get out of the pool. He was still stark naked.
Oh boy. Lord, forgive me.
It was very, very hard not to stare. Okay, he was brain damaged but...I mean, I wouldn't be gay, if I didn't. All the house hold chores that must be second nature to him, combined with the daily grind to keep this stunning farm going, really gave him a perfect male body. His blond, floppy hair, now plastered to his head...his chiselled features...suddenly I recalled his dazzling green eyes staring into mine earlier that afternoon...
I could feel my dick getting hard.
Stop it, Ryan. For God's sake. The guy suffered a brain injury. He's still a kid in his reality. He probably never even had sex.
And even if he did have sexual urges...it couldn't possibly be towards men.
Nah.
Could it?
THANKS FOR READING!! I did a lot of research for this story. I wanted to make it as authentic as possible. To show that LOVE really can be found at the most unexpected of places...
Should I write another chapter? Lemme know ;)
liciousryan@gmail.com