This is my first attempt at writing a story, so I'd appreciate feedback and comments; however, flames shall not be acknowledged, keep them to yourself. This second chapter focuses mostly in Jeremy and Tommy, describing the beginning of their relationship. I have tried to add depth to Jeremy's character, putting him in a situation which (unfortunately!) I'm very familiar with; Tommy, however, is still a mystery. I promise the next part will be a bit more exciting.
This story is intended for exclusive posting at the Nifty Archive, please respect my decision. Please do not read it if you know you can't.
Thanks you very much for all the support I have received. You can reach me at blue_dude@hotmail.com, I promise to answer all emails.
Enjoy.
[01/14/99 - 02/02/99]
Feelings II
II. Waiting for a star to fall
I have mostly lead a good life; not easy, mind you, but good...sure. School and studying have never really been a problem for me (thankfully), my best buddy (and former semi boyfriend) has always cared about me, and I've usually managed to have relative peace of mind. Until my parents died, the biggest problem I had to deal with was my homosexuality, but even that I coped with fairly well (even though I sometimes fretted because I knew it was something beyond my control). When things didn't go my way I worked my butt off to make it through, and I was usually quite successful at that. I did have quite a struggle accepting my parents' death, but I guess some things are inevitable; mostly, though, you could say I was used to getting what I wanted. Then Tommy arrived and all of that changed for me: for the first time I realized that some things were simply beyond my reach.
"And this is the lunchroom," I announced, watching as Tommy surveyed the crowded area. I had been with him most of the morning and my eyes still couldn't get enough of him (by now I suspected they'd never get enough).
"Cool," he exclaimed. I smiled briefly and led the way to the queue of waiting kids. I was really enjoying his company but preferred to be guarded. No point in being too friendly or trying too hard, I reasoned, as I still did not know anything about him. At the same time I figured I might be better off without getting to know him too well, as I had the sinking feeling that I was in for a major heartache. This was ultimately the main reason why I kept my distance. I didn't want to get hurt.
"So what do you think of this place?" I asked him, reaching out for a tuna sandwich; he wrinkled his nose adorably and I melted for the zillionth time that day. I tried to stop myself, but feelings are the toughest of enemies. He chose a cheeseburger and fries.
"It's quite something. Smaller than my highschool in Florida, but nice. Friendly people," he added, and I blushed. Honestly, despite my best efforts I was quickly turning to mush. I wanted to kick myself.
"Hey, there's my cousin," he said, pointing towards a group of people sitting at a centre table. "And your buddy. James?"
"Jase," I corrected him; I didn't really want to be around Jason then, partly because he was still angry at me, but mostly because I wanted to be alone with Tommy. I asked anyway, though.
"Wanna go and sit with them?"
Tommy seemed to consider this and looked at me; I noticed that his eyes seemed a little lighter than before. They were uncannily bright and innocent, and I turned away quickly as soon as I felt them probing me. I sensed them linger on me for a second.
"No, let's grab another seat," he finally said. "I prefer sitting where there's less people."
Fine by me. Making our way to the back of the lunchroom, I was vividly aware of the fact that most of the girls stopped dead as Tommy walked by, forks halfway between plates and mouths; I noticed a similar reaction in some of the guys. Know the feeling, I thought, recalling the little episode at the cafe a couple of days ago. He was drop-dead gorgeous. Strangely, though, I was not the least bit jealous or resentful; I was just happy for him.
Unaware of the commotion he was creating, Tommy stopped at a small table and sat down.
"Hey, I usually sit here," I said as I plopped down on a chair facing him.
"Thought so," he smiled, and I felt very disturbed: he seemed to know me quite well already, my distant attitude notwithstanding. He was still a mystery to me, a delicate creature to be approached with care. I wasn't about to invade him.
For a while we ate in silence, and I felt a little awkward. I also noticed that, as in the cafe, he seemed to be lost hundreds of miles away, a faraway look in his eyes, a half smile curving his lips. I was intensely curious and longed to know what he was thinking, but decided not to comment on it. I was reluctant to invade him, I knew I'd be drawn in helplessly once he let me inside himself. Still, I did want to find out more about him.
"So, you got any brothers or sisters?" I broke the silence, startling him a bit.
He hesitated before answering. "No."
"So it's just you and your parents, huh?" I pressed.
"Actually, I live with my father; my parents divorced a while ago," he said, looking down. I could tell it still hurt.
"Oh. Sorry dude. I didn't mean to badger you," I apologized, immediately worried I'd struck a nerve. Careful.
He finally looked at me, traces of pain on his face. "No, it's OK, really. Don't worry."
"OK," I inwardly sighed in relief. We munched in silence for a while, and I wondered about the divorce. Obviously it wasn't a happy matter.
"What about you? You got any brothers or sisters, or is it just you and your parents?" he asked.
Uh-oh. THE question.
"I've got a sister, Chloe, she lives in California," I answered neutrally. I don't know why I didn't tell him about my parents right then. It just didn't seem like a good idea, or maybe it was just me being me. I hadn't actually lied though, but deep down I knew I was being very unfair; he had been honest with me.
"Oh. Lucky, huh," he said. "I've always wanted a sister."
"Yeah, well." I was feeling worse by the second.
Tommy's eyes suddenly widened.
"Gotta go. I've just remembered something. Catch you later man, OK?"
Before I could respond, he jumped up and left without finishing his food. I just stared after him, wondering what could have been so important to make him leave so quickly. He walked out of the lunchroom.
I sighed. My worse fears were becoming a reality: I was falling madly in love, and I just knew I'd never be able to have him. Even though I didn't know much about him I was sure that nothing would change my heart. At the cafe I had seen the obvious: he was an extremely handsome dude. But now, and much more importantly, I also realized that his internal beauty transcended his appearance. He was a rare and heavenly human being, full of tender innocence and, and the same time, extreme depth. His vulnerability was only magnified by his astonishing trust, at least so it seemed to me. I wondered what went on in that mysterious dream world of his, where he seemed to take comfort from the complexities of the world, just as I turned to my widow's walk. The more I thought about it, the more alike we seemed in my mind
"Hello Jeremy."
Jolting out of my thoughts, I looked up. It was Kim, Jason's sister.
"Hey Kimmy. Good to see you girl," I smiled.
"Mind if I join you? I was planning on sitting with my brother but he's too busy with the bitch." Kim really disliked Karen.
"Not at all."
Kim shared her brother's good looks, her hair a darker shade of blond and the same startling green eyes. However, she did not have his outgoing personality, she was more similar to me in that sense. I knew she had a crush on me which went back to the days when we were all small kids and played together. After a few subtle rejections she had quit coming on to me though. She was two years younger than Jason.
"Boy, you looked intense. What's so important that you left your sandwich uneaten? A girl, maybe?"
"No," I blushed furiously. "I was just thinking is all."
"Oh. OK. So what have you been up to? Bored as me?"
"Actually, I've just been showing Karen's cousin around the school. He's new, maybe you've seen him?"
"If he's anything like his cousin." Kim rolled her eyes.
"No, he's cool. Really," I said enthusiastically. She detected my eagerness and raised her eyebrows.
"So where's he from?"
"Florida"
"Now I'm interested. Anyone from Florida has got my appreciation. Where exactly is he from?"
"Not sure."
"Oh, well, lucky him. I'd give anything to live there. I'm just wondering why he moved up here," she added in distaste.
"Hey, you've just come back from Florida. You can't actually want to go back now." Kim had spent a few weeks on the Eastern Coast and Florida with her parents; working for American they got plenty of discount fares. Jase, however, had stayed with me, as my parents had just died the week he was supposed to leave.
"You bet I want to. Oh, those beaches." she sighed, closing hey eyes.
"OK, you dream on. I'm outta here, I'm late for class." I finished my sandwich in two bites, patted her shoulder and left.
I looked all over for Tommy, but he was nowhere to be found. He seemed to have disappeared. This pained me, and I was surprised. I knew this situation would turnout to be unhealthy if I allowed it to continue, but I honestly couldn't handle it. I simply wanted him around all the time. I waited after class and searched the hall, but I did not see him.
Discouraged, I walked to the back parking lot, and got into my car. I was just about to leave when I finally spotted him on my rearview mirror, a head of light blond hair almost hidden behind a tree. I immediately stopped the engine and got out of the car.
The back parking lot was a secluded spot, right in front of a dense pack of tress at the far end of the school grounds. I was surprised to find him there, of all places, and especially at this time. Probably just enjoying the silence, I thought to myself. I sometimes did the same thing, mostly when I wanted to be alone.
He was sitting on the grass, leaning his back against a tree, facing away from me. I approached silently, wondering if I should bother him after all. Not surprisingly, he appeared to be in deep thought. I stood still, drinking him in.
It was like looking at a photograph; what I saw was just a reflection of his reality, a shallow manifestation of what he really was. The dimensions of his thoughts were far beyond me, the true self never really expressed. I stood helplessly, overwhelmed by him.
I was just about to leave when he suddenly turned around, sensing my presence. He recognized me and smiled a little.
"Hi," he said quietly, and I was surprised to see that he was smoking. I hadn't noticed.
"Hi dude, thought it might be you. I saw you from the parking lot," I explained, walking towards him. As I came closer I was shocked to see that his eyes looked a little watery, the skin underneath them slightly puffy and swollen. I faltered. Oh God, he's been crying, I thought to myself; the realization brought me exceptional levels of sorrow.
"Erm, I can leave if you'd rather be alone," I offered hesitantly.
"Why? No way man, stay with me." He sounded certain.
I made my way towards him, wondering what to say. Obviously we hadn't known each other long enough for me to ask to ask him, but I couldn't just ignore his tears. I stood doubtfully, pausing for a second, before sitting down next to him. He sniffled a bit.
"You OK?" I finally asked.
"What do you mean? Oh this," he gestured towards his face, "it's just my allergy acting up." He laughed unconvincingly.
Yeah, right.
"Oh. OK." I answered. We sat in silence for a while, and I suspected that he wanted to talk to me. In a very Jeremy-like fashion, though, he kept whatever he wanted to say to himself. I desperately wanted him to trust me, but I didn't know what to say; at the same time, I couldn't exactly expect trust from him, considering my own little unsaids earlier that day. In this short period of time I had been knocked off my feet, in a way I never thought possible, and I was scared. I lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke hungrily, enjoying Tommy's quiet presence for a while.
"So look man, wanna grab something to eat? If you've got nothing else planned, that is," I looked at him expectantly. Somehow, pain seemed to make him even more beautiful; I marveled at the way in which his eyes seemed to change shades, depending on his moods I guessed. He nibbled his lower lips softly, that unconscious gesture he made that drove me wild.
"Sure. I'd love that." He finally smiled and my spirits soared.
"Let's go," I said happily. He punched me on the shoulder and laughed.
Walking towards the car, I had to wonder just how sunny and carefree this guy really was.
We winded up stopping at the Blue Cafe for a quick snack; we had talked non-stop on the way there, and my feelings for him continued to rise, as did other parts of me. I had carefully avoided the topic of parents, which was clearly off-limits; I also hadn't brought up the issue of girls because I was too pleased to have my little bubble pricked, I didn't want to know right then. Some things are better left unsaid, and that would certainly prove to be a sticky and painful point, at least for me. I was certain that he had left a trail of broken hearts in his wake, both male and female; could it be any other way?
"Hey, I've been here before," he said as we entered the place.
"You have? Cool!" I feigned surprise.
He looked confused.
"I thought you knew. I saw you here the other day."
So he had noticed.
"Really? Well, I probably didn't notice you." Honestly, I don't know what compels me to be so stupid sometimes. I just didn't want him to get any ideas, which were true anyways.
He look slightly puzzled, obviously doubting my words; I shrugged my shoulders and got a cup of coffee.
We ended up sitting at my usual table, sipping coffee and talking, mainly about school. Apparently he had trouble with Trig so of course I offered to help and he agreed without hesitation. We decided he'd come over to my house the following day so I could tutor him.
I dropped him off at Karen's; apparently he wanted to talk to her. He didn't ask me to join him, and I felt a little hurt. Probably better that way, though, as I didn't want to spoil what had been a great day by having to endure Karen's witty comments. I saw him enter the house, and then Karen herself popped out and waved at me; I answered gesturing wildly and smiling broadly, not the least bit self-conscious. That's what love can do to a guy. She stared at me in disbelief; probably the first time she ever saw me truly happy, let alone goofing around. I waved disproportionately one last time before driving away with a smile.
The next day I woke up feeling great; no surprise, as it was the first time in weeks that I didn't have a hangover. Jase surprised me by showing up at my door just as I finished getting dressed. I had given him a set of keys to my house some time ago, and he enjoyed barging in unexpectedly.
"Hey," I said, smiling. He, however, just stared at me. Oops. In all my flurry of emotions I had completely forgotten my unkindness of the previous day.
"Hey. Just wanted to check out on you today. See if you'd been indulging in any more bottle blowjobs. But I see that you're OK, so I'll see you in school,." He turned to leave.
"Hey, dude, wait." He kept going and I followed him. He didn't stop walking so I grabbed him by the arm. He pulled back violently, staring at me with ablaze eyes. I took a deep breath.
"Jason, look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know why I was so damn cold to you. I guess that I didn't want you to see me knocked down. You know me." I couldn't really explain myself.
He looked at me and I felt him hurting inside.
"I know fuck. You were real shitty to me yesterday Jeremy. You used to trust me, I can't understand why you're being so defensive now. Why the hell won't you let me in?"
"I have always been that way," I said, knowing it was not true.
"Like shit. You've changed and we both know it. We used to share everything, I trusted you with my life. I used to know everything about you, your dreams, your fears, your secrets. Goddamit, I even held you at the funeral, when you were so destroyed you couldn't even stand. And now you've just shut me off. Why are you suddenly treating me like a stranger?"
"I'm not," I said, trying to sound convincing, but my voice trembled.
"Well, yeah, I don't need this kind of shit. Especially not from you. I love you man," his voice cracked. "We should be going through this together. We both lost our parents, you know what they meant to me. I shouldn't be surprised, though. I know you don't care much about people."
I flinched in sheer pain, and he recoiled; he knew that wasn't true. Still, he couldn't take it back now.
"I'll see you around, huh," he said before he left. I just stared after him, broken in two.
Somehow I managed to make it to school. My mind was numb, my cheeks swollen and splotchy with dried tears. I knew that Jason was right, but I couldn't do anything about it then. Everyone knows we hurt the ones we love the most, but I felt I could not be held responsible. Walling Jason off had been an unconscious reaction, I had not intended to hurt his feelings. After my parents' death I had shut off the world in itself, not just him. Now I didn't know how to get him back. Tommy's arrival had changed this for me, giving me the sliver of hope that just maybe I'd get another chance. One thing I did know for sure: Jason was the only stable element in my life at that moment, and I had to hold on to him at all costs.
I found Tommy sitting at main gates, and felt a bit better. He smiled.
"Hey man. I've been waiting for you." His eyes immediately narrowed when he took a look at my face. "What's wrong?," he demanded, concerned.
Oh, God, now he can read my mind as well. The one person I did strive to keep at bay could see right through me.
"Nuthin. Just climbed out of bed two minutes ago is all."
He obviously didn't buy my lame excuse for a second, but didn't comment. He just looked at me suspiciously.
"We still on for today?" he asked after a moment.
"Today?" Of course I hadn't forgotten about my offer, but I was back to my old inscrutable, detached, ultimately stupidly insecure self. It was like one of those moments when someone feels completely happy then a bad memory resurfaces to clog the infinity. Like dead bodies strewn on a strawberry and daisy patch.
"Yeah. Trigonometry, remember?"
"Oh yeah, sorry dude. Sure. Meet me in the back lot after class, OK?"
"Sure."
"OK. See ya then." I grinned halfheartedly, carefully avoiding his eyes, and walked off, my spirits feebly trying to take off after talking to him.
I was in a turmoil, prey of all feelings at once. I was in grief over my encounter with Jason, at the same time feeling Cupid's insistent tug on my heart, still melancholic over my life the past few months and giddy with expectation at the prospect of spending some time with Tommy (which I also dreaded). My mind helplessly struggled to keep the barrage of sentiments under control.
Time for a break, I finally decided. I walked out of class and headed for the spot where I'd found Tommy the previous day. I longed for a good shot of Jack Daniels, but obviously I didn't cart a stock of liquor around with me. Maybe I should have, though.
Laying on the grass, I tried to clear my mind, staring at the sky, a sweet mosaic peeking through tree branches. I amused myself by finding familiar shapes in the clouds, and I laughed foolishly as I spotted what appeared to be my whole life in a particularly dark, thundery one. It'll probably rain again tonight, I though, as I drifted off, half hoping I'd never wake up.
I was still caught in strange, ominous dreams when I felt someone shaking my arm.
"Jeremy, wake up. Come on man, I've been looking all over for you."
"Fuck off," I muttered, still half asleep. More insistent tugging.
"Leave me alone!" I finally opened my eyes, crashing back into reality. Tommy stared back at me.
"It's OK, it's only me," he said understandingly.
I rubbed my eyes. "Sorry. I was dreaming."
"I know. Good for you." Weird answer. I yawned.
"OK, let's get going. Still on, right?," I asked and he nodded. I fished for a cigarette as we walked to my car.
We were both silent as I drove home. I realized that I'd have some explaining to do, as he was probably expecting my parents to be there. Several times I felt his eyes on me, and I chose to ignore them.
"Is that your house!" he exclaimed as I took a side road.
"Yeah" I answered, still trying to come up with some excuses.
"Amazing". I guess it was. The white clapboard house was very big, perched at the top of a steep cliff, overlooking the sea. It was quite isolated, but cheery. The widow's walk added a dramatic touch to it.
I parked and Tommy leaped out of the car, curious as a cat. I couldn't help smiling a little.
"What's down there?" he asked, pointing at a small fence at the back of the garden
"That's a path that leads to the beach. Small cove actually, quite private."
"Cool man! Reminds me of Florida..."
"You lived near the beach?," I asked.
"Yeah, spent the whole summer gatoring there." I felt a stirring on my crotch at the thought of him prancing about in Speedos.
"That's nice," was all I managed.
"Can we go down there dude?"
"How about studying first. Then we can go."
"OK, sure." I had never seen him so excited. It just added to his cuteness.
Once inside the house, I led him towards the kitchen, expecting him to ask about my parents. He didn't though. I fixed a snack and we went upstairs, none of us speaking. I sensed he was feeling intimidated by the size of my home and by the uneasy solitude the walls contained. He solemnly looked around my bedroom, not commenting on anything, and I had the sinking feeling that I had made a mistake bringing him here. Almost against my will, I was showing him to the door towards the dark life I led, and he obviously didn't like it much.
Suddenly, I felt sick with self-loathing. How could have I been so naive as to think that this dreamy, unspoiled guy could have anything in common with me? I was very emotionally disturbed, repressing feelings in the benefit of a pathetic mask that had failed to grant me a place in my own life. A cold rock surface that barely managed to subdue simmering fire and confusion. It had always been like that, so how could I now expect some guy to show up and save me? I was beyond salvation. The truth was Jason was the only person who'd ever understand me, for better or for worse. And I had even alienated him.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I looked down. Tommy appeared to be unaware of my sadness, laughing as Teddy Bear appeared from beneath my bed.
"Hey, cool man. I love cats." He reached out and grabbed the little guy, tickling him mercilessly. I could hear the cat purr delightedly and I smiled a bit. When I looked up, Tommy was staring at me seriously. He opened his mouth to say something, then looked away. His hair glimmered in the light, and I wanted him to hug me. Of course, that was impossible.
"We should study," I said. Tommy agreed.
We studied feverishly for some hours, going through the secrets of angles and lengths. I tried to push my bad feelings aside, but finally desisted. Tommy was a quick learner, and he soon grasped the subject; his intelligence amazed me. Night had crept in almost imperceptibly by the time we finished going through our textbooks.
"Dude, mind if I stay over? It's kinda late, don't you think." I was surprised at his suggestion.
"Sure, if you want. I have no problem driving you home, though. Your call." I knew that having him stay overnight would only fuel more false hopes, and my heart ached.
"I'd like to stay, if that's OK." His cornflower blue eyes were unreadable, and I was sure that my own expression was probably giving my feelings away.
"OK, then. Wanna order some pizza?"
"Yeah, cool Let me phone home first." I handed him the cordless and headed downstairs, giving him some privacy. I needed to think about what I'd just let myself into. I had vowed not to allow my feelings to take over my reason, but that was nearly impossible when I was around this blond angel. He had the ability to slide me towards regions of myself that I had previously not been aware of, and I was frighteningly hesitant to explore them. Opening up to him would only make me vulnerable to further hurt, and that was exactly what I did not want. On the other hand, I loved him, no further question about that. I sighed, finally deciding to let this one pass. I would give myself one last chance to hide inside my shell; if he managed to enter I wouldn't block his path.
The pizza was great, all the cramming had made us ravenously hungry. I was feeling better after having taken a decision, and I guess my lighter mood was apparent. We talked nonstop, and I felt my heart beat to the rhythm of his laughter. Not for long, though.
"I never asked you dude. You have a gal?" Tommy asked, looking at me innocently. I gulped, choking on a particularly big slice of pizza.
"No," I barked, before I could catch myself. Dear Lord, here goes, I thought with resignation, as I started to brace myself for impact. I tried to smooth out my defensiveness. "No, not really. Guess no one has sprung me yet." Lies, lies.
"Man, that's strange. Find it hard to believe." Huh? I unsuccessfully tried to see where he was going.
"Yeah, well. I'm kinda difficult. Not the most approachable person on earth, reserved is the working PC term. I call myself plain shitty." As if that wasn't enough, I continued: "I guess most people don't like me much. But I don't care what they think. I know who I am".
"That's not entirely tru," he smiled. "I have no trouble appproaching you. Anyways, everyone's got secrets," he said in a voice that seemed unearthly coming from him. What the hell did he mean by that?
I was dreading my next question, but by then I had to know. I was tired of beating around the bush.
"What about you? You got a girl?" I held my breath.
He hesitated before answering. "No, not really. I mean, I had this thing during the summer, girl I met at the beach. But I guess it counts for nothing. Nothing serious anyway," He sounded wistful.
The earth came crashing down on me as he finished his little statement. Shit, how can words cause such pain? I'd heard about emotional pain being much more striking than physical hurt, but I don't think I'd ever really experienced it for myself until that moment. Well, maybe that night when the phone rang to change my world as I knew it. "Told you" a little voice chanted inside my head. So there it was. Not gay.
"You look pale," he said with preoccupation. "You all right?"
"Yeah," I managed. I was shaking as I tried to regain control. Not his fault, but the fact is, he wins, I lose. I narrowed my eyes. "Actually, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow morning." I snapped, pulling my chairs backwards. I stumbled upstairs.
"Jeremy?" he called, and I knew he was bewildered by my reaction. "Too bad, man. Go fuck up someone else's life" I thought coldly. I closed my bedroom door, grabbed a bottle of whisky and collapsed into tears.
I tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep. I wondered what had become of Tommy, as he hadn't come into my bedroom.
"What did you expect," I said out loud.
Probably gone, I thought, after he saw my true self: a worthless bag of shit. Scared away, surely after realizing how screwed up I was. Miserable tears kept sliding down my cheeks as I realized how immaturely I had acted. He probably didn't have a clue about what had triggered my reaction. Yet another person leaving me.
"Well, that's that," I whispered. "I hope you're happy with yourself. Yeah, really cool and collected huh. Good for you, keep it up. First your parents, then Jason, now him."
Lightning lit up my bedroom through the window, and I stood up, unable to take it any longer. The house was silent except for the rumble of thunder as I walked down the hall towards the door that led to the widow's walk. I climbed up the metal ladder to the roof, feeling the wind gusting against my nearly naked body. I shivered and gulped more liquor, making my way towards the railing. Rain started pelting down violently as I stared at the angry ocean, crashing viciously against the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. I finally gave in to myself and screamed in anguish as I accepted yet another defeat. No shooting stars falling towards me tonight. The rain drowned by empty cry. I sobbed, leaning against the railing, wishing I'd have the courage to jump over it.
"No you don't," Tommy's voice startled me. He seemed to materialize behind me, gently taking my arm.
"What are you doing here?" I sniffled, unable to pull myself together.
"I've been waiting for you. I knew you'd come." I'd never heard him sound so serious.
"Well, yeah. Good for you. Now get out." My humiliation glowered and I was not being nice.
He ignored me, pulling on my arm more forcefully. I did not want to budge, and I could feel a fresh set of tears threatening to spill any moment. My throat was dry and raw.
"I'm not going anywhere until we have a talk," he stated. I looked straight into his eyes, so dark they were almost black, flickering with compassion and (it seemed) care. I finally snapped; no way I'd let him feel sorry for me. The nerve.
I pulled my arm away from me and shoved him on the chest, and he fell backwards. I stood over him, completely overcome by anger.
"Look, fucker, I never asked you to come and save me," deja-vu overtook me for a second - I had said the exact same thing to Jason; was I really so screwed up? I quickly pushed the notion away. "You don't even know me you son of a bitch, so get your ass back to Happyville and leave me alone." My voice cracked and I swallowed back tears, shuddering violently.
He looked at me calmly, never blinking.
"Finished?," he finally asked, raising an eyebrow. I just nodded, already feeling ashamed.
"Good," he said; taking a deep breath, he extended his arm at me. I took it and helped him to his feet, half expecting him to punch me. However, he merely looked at me without speaking.
"I'd better go now," he finally said. I just nodded, feeling like an asshole.
"Want a lift?" I asked.
"No. I'd rather walk." He didn't look back as he left.
III. Crash and burn.
tbc
Comments welcome at blue_dude@hotmail.com