This is a true story that happened to me. I have changed the names. All incidents and places are still the same. This story involves a relationship between two males. You have been warned.
Sweet Memoir of a Fateful Relationship. Part 3
This time, it was real. Totally real.
We again talked on the phone at that night with several interruptions from cousins, friends, and his boyfriend. Yeah, he had a boyfriend now. I kept reminding myself to behave. Not to flirt. I didn't mean to. I never did want to. I just could not handle myself from being so expressive about my feelings. Honestly, after these years, I thought the feeling would die since there was no water of hope. It did not. The feeling surprisingly didn't die. It was still alive. As strong as it had been? I didn't know to confirm that. But I knew it was still there. I could still feel the butterflies in my tummy. I could still feel the urge to say "I miss you. Or even I love you." I still have the urge to say his nick "babe, honey." But I know things were different now. Totally different. He had his boyfriend, whom he loved. I could not be in the way. I should not. I didn't want to ruin his happiness. I never did. I never intended to. I have always wanted him to be happy with whatever circumstances he was in, whatever decision he made, whomever he decided to be with.
He wanted to meet me. But I was not ready. I was still weak. I didn't know what I would do if I met him. I didn't know whether I would hug him or I would kiss him or I would be so embarrassed or I would be ignorant or I would be crying or I would be very happy. It was all mixed feelings. I was still weak. I told him that I would need time to meet him. At that moment, I was just not ready. I was already happy to just hear his voice. That's already good enough for me. Heck, it was more than enough for me. I had already learned the meaning of the word "contended." Never asked for more than what I could get or what I had been given. It's not that I was not a persevere person. I was very. But about these things, I just could not predict the end result. Besides he had a boyfriend already, I didn't want to be in the way. I knew I would be very jealous if I knew my partner was meeting his former boyfriend. I might be able to trust his feelings. Maybe his feelings for me were already over. However, my feeling for him was not. Strangely, though a lot of things happened both sad and happy, never did I ever regret that I knew him. Never did a word "hate" ever come out of my mouth or even my heart.
Could this be the perfect love that people are talking for ages? Could this be the type of love that people keep searching for eternity? Or is this just a mirage of love that I cannot have? What's wrong with me? Why am I being like this? So vulnerable that so dangerous and harmful to self. I have to be strong. But I just can't. I just hope that this time, things will not turn out to be nasty and bad again. I still have hopes. Hopes that can bring both happiness and destruction. But they are still my hopes. And I am willing to take the risk to keep the hopes.
Anyway, that's it for now. Hope you like the story. I will continue for detail of sexual parts if I got some comments. thanks
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