Disclaimer: I do not know the BSB I have never met the BSB. This is just a story in other words it's not true. I do not work for anyone that has contact with the BSB and so on this is just a story I hope you like it
Authors note: I have noticed that not many people write BSB stories. So I have decided that I will write as many BSB stories as I can. I might right a few stories about different bands. But don't count on it to much. Ok I use a few different symbol's in my story to help it. These *** mean a character change, right after the *** a name will follow. When I am starting a story off either from the beginning or from the start of another chapter. I will put the name between these ***. Now I'm going to try and stay away from using this but it has happened in the past. These (( )) mean a note from me or a time change. Most of the time I'll just write out the time change. But there are times when I'll get a little lazy so please understand. I will not give my main character any weird powers like my other stories. So this will be the first time that I'll write a normal human story. Which mean's no Sryin's or anything else. I would also like to add that if I start to slip to yell at me to stop. I hope you enjoy the story.
Warning: This story isn't like my other stories it's a lot darker. it involves Rape and a few other things later in the story. You've been warned. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Richie
What my sister didn't know was that the stunts I had pulled never really happened. I use to come home with bruises all over my body. I would make up something and tell her that. I just didn't have the heart to tell her that I was getting beat up. I had left that behind me and I planed on keeping it that way. I did do a few dumb things but mostly it was the beatings I would get from Eric. I had never told her what had been happening in my life. I was afraid she would freak out, or hate me. I knew different now but still it would hurt that I had kept so much. "I need to tell you a few things, that I didn't when we left." She looked concerned and took a seat on my bed. "A lot of those times I came home with bruises and cuts?" Her mouth opened slightly like she knew what I was about to tell her. "Those didn't happen because I fell out of a tree or anything. It was Eric, he would beat me up, I didn't want anyone to know." Her hand slowly moved toward her mouth. I could see the tears forming in her eyes, her head was shaking slightly. "Why, why couldn't you tell me, I would have stopped him." I walked to her side and wrapped her in a hug. "I was afraid you'd hate me, and I thought it was my fault. I know now that it wasn't, but then I did. I wanted to be loved to much I didn't care if pain came with it." The words seemed to hurt more than I thought they would.
She was shaking gently in my arms, and tears were falling from her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I wouldn't take it back. If I did then I wouldn't have met Nick, everything happens for a reason. Even the bad stuff, it makes us who we are Rave, take your singing for instance. You couldn't sing to save your life, but you dance better than anyone I've ever met." I got a punch from the singing comment but that's what I wanted. Her soft giggles seemed to ease the pain I was feeling. I didn't know why those memories still hurt me. I guess that I wasn't as over it as I had thought. "So I just wanted you to know that before you started talking to the guys. Nick knows about the beating's and so on, so I didn't want you to find out like that." She nodded and then pulled away from me slowly. "No more secrets, and if theirs anything else I need to know tell me now." I moved up the head of the bed to lean against the head board. I told her everything that I could think of, even about Kevin. She was ready to kill him by the time I was done, but that was ok. I knew that she couldn't really pull it off. On the other hand he was going to get smacked by the master. The thought made me laugh a little, you just had to see it yourself to believe it. One of the main reasons I had stopped her before she Brian was that it really hurt. It was like getting stung by a bee ten times.
Besides that she was really harmless, as far as I knew. We both still had a lot of catching up to do, but that had to wait. I had to see Nick, it had been to long since I was in his arms. "I have to go and see my boyfriend now, it's been to long. I'll show you your room in a little while ok?" She nodded and I stood and left the room, soon to be followed by her. Nick was sitting in the living room with the rest of the guys minus Kevin. "I have gotten my sister to swear that she wouldn't tell you anything." All of them started laughing their asses off. Their laughter got louder and louder until I turned around to see my sister smiling sweetly. I should have known better than to hope for her help in this matter. I laughed walking toward Nick who's lap I was soon in. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. His arms were soon holding me tightly, I felt so at peace with myself. The rest of the world faded away and I lived in this moment forever. Our hearts beat as one, my lives would be together. I could tell that Nick was in the same place that I was. Our souls soared to the heavens searching out the star light. I had once heard of a bird that lived it's life on the ground. It wasn't because it didn't have wings, it was because it was only half of a bird. For hundreds of years the bird walked the earth in search of it's counter part.
One day the bird found what it had been missing. When the two became one they flew for the first time. They reached out and touched the stars in the heavens. I felt what that bird felt then, I could touch the stars. All because of my one and only love in the world, all because of Nick. When I opened my eyes I noticed that Nick had at the same time. I could see my future in his eyes. I just hoped that he saw the very same thing. No matter where I went for the rest of my life I would have Nick, and he would have me. The room was silent, I turned to see four sets of eyes on us, I blushed lightly. I could see tears hanging in my sisters eyes. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, it was so pure." She had no idea how much that kiss really carried with it. It was like finding myself all over again. I took a deep breath and turned my body so I could lay against him. His arms were wrapped around me tightly as we looked at the others in the room. "So what are we going to do tonight?" Everyone just looked from one another to the other. "I was thinking welcome home party." AJ said smiling moving toward my sisters side. "Sounds like a good idea, but I have one question." I tilted my head so I could face Nick. "How long are you going to be home?" I smiled brightly, he really was sweet. "For as long as you can stand me." He kissed me again and it was like the forth of July in my mind.
I found myself at the same club that I had met Nick in. It was AJ's idea since Nick and I both had fond memories of the place. We danced the night away with the guys that night, it was wonderful. AJ had stayed close to my sister the whole night while Howie stayed mostly to himself. I was going to hook that boy up with a girl I had met in Paris. She was really sweet and wanted to settle down and build a family. I think that's what Howie had been looking for. "I'm going to get some drinks, want anything?" I nodded and walked with Nick to the bar. I ordered a coke and Nick got a screwdriver, he really liked being twenty-one. I smiled to myself as we moved back to the dance floor. Everything was going great so far. My sister looked like she was having the time of her life with AJ. I had already called my agent and set up a meeting for my sister. I hoped that I could get her some jobs soon. I knew that she wouldn't like living with me rent free. She had thrown a fit when I told she wouldn't have to pay for anything. She told me that she would get a job and pay some of the bills. At least with her working the runway she would have a lot of money. When everyone was finally ready to leave we jumped into our cars. I was driving myself, Nick, and Brian while my sister drove Howie and AJ's car. We were the only ones that hadn't drink anything that night.
It had been a month since I had been home. Nick and Brian were getting ready to go back on tour. I didn't like the idea of sitting around so I decided that I would go with them. My sister wasn't even in the same area code anymore. Jake had liked her so much he had sent her to LA for a month. I had jumped his hide for it after I heard the news. I was happy for my sister don't get me wrong, I was just worried about her. She was new at all of this and I had planed on helping her. Now I couldn't she was to far away, and the phone calls rarely came. She didn't have time for to many calls anymore, I understood but it still hurt a little. So I packed my bag's and talked it over with Nick who was as happy as a peacock. Brian had voiced his worries about me and Kevin crossing paths again. I told him not to worry, that Kevin would most likely stay out of my way. I had almost felt sorry for him when I saw him, he looked like hell. When I looked into his eyes I could see pain. I had never thought that it would touch my heart the way it did. I was never a person that enjoyed someone else's pain, this was no different. No one had gone near him in nine months. He had stayed away from family thinking I would tell them what happened. He had lived the last nine months alone, it was worse than prison.
I could tell that I wasn't the only one that felt sorry for him. I could read it in the way Howie looked at him. Nick and Brian held no pity for Kevin, and with good reason. I stayed close to them both hoping it would rub off. When he sang it was so full of pain and sadness. He had deep bags under his eyes from sleepless nights. Sometimes when I passed his room on the way to Nick's I could hear soft cries. I had every right to hate him, but I found myself letting it go slowly. If it hadn't been for Brian I would have let him off. But it wasn't just my choice, not now or ever. I hadn't been the only person to be attacked. That meant I didn't control Kevin's fate alone it was up to me and Brian. I didn't have the heart to ask Brian to forgive Kevin. It would never be my place to do so, it was Kevin's place to ask for forgiveness. But he feared the outcome, I could tell from the way he looked away. He had only made eye contact with me twice and both times he turned away. As the tour kicked into high gear Kevin got worse then before. I decided that I would keep a close eye on him. I didn't want him to kill himself over this that's why I had threatened him the way I did. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was cause of a death. To make someone pay for their crimes was one thing, but to kill was another. Even if I wasn't the one to pull the trigger, I had loaded the gun.
I found myself standing on the outside of Kevin's door, I had been feeling weird for a while. I stood there for ten minutes, I kept asking myself what I was doing here. He had hurt me in so many ways, why should I care about him? I slowly raised my hand and knocked gently at first. When there was no answer I beat on the door until he opened it. When he saw it was me he backed away quickly. I entered his room and closed the door behind me. He was shaking slightly, he was truly afraid of me, of what I could do. I could see tears hanging in his eyes, and so much pain. I moved past him to the table that was sitting in his room. I took a seat and looked at him closely, he had lost a lot of weight. He was dying slowly from the inside out, I shook my head lightly. I pointed to the other chair and nodded toward him. He walked to it and sat down he looked away from me. "Look at me Kevin, I'm not here to hurt you." His eyes slowly met mine, I searched for an answer. "Tell me why, tell me how you could do what you have done." I wanted reasons, maybe in them I could find the answer to my own questions. "I don't have any reasons, I just did it." His voice was shaking slightly as he spoke, he was hiding something.
I had gotten better at reading people over the last couple of months. Kevin was no different, he had reasons even if he didn't know them himself. His reasons could be something evil and hard to understand. Then again his reasons could light up a path to the truth. I no longer had nightmares about that night, but I did remember that he had tried to be gentle. The damage he had caused me had been more mental than anything else. The reason it had done so much damage to was simple, it had happened before. Eric had done things to me, that I could never forget. When Kevin had raped me it brought those memories flooding back. "Tell me why you decided to rape your own cousin, what happened that first night?" He didn't react the way I had hoped, it didn't shock him. In other words I had asked the wrong question. "I got drunk one night and went to his room to talk. When he answered the door he only had a towel around his waist. He invited me in, then dropped his towel and walked to the bed. He then started to get dressed, he didn't get that far. After I had done the deed, I threatened him, it's all I knew to do." That was what I was waiting to hear, something like this had happened to Kevin. Kevin still had a lost look in his eyes, almost like he was reliving something. I had to pick my next question very well. "Tell me about your father Kevin, if you wouldn't mind." Kevin's head shot up and I could see the wall's slamming closed.
He was taking deep breaths, his eyes had turned to ice. His whole body seemed to change, along with his face. I had chosen the perfect question, but did I really want the answer. I knew now that I didn't need to know anymore, his face said everything. "Theirs nothing to tell, nothing at all." His voice was so filled with pain, then it was like he reverted to something else. I nodded slowly and started to stand, he could talk if chose to. As I moved toward the door it was like he wanted to say something but wouldn't. I opened the door and stepped out then started closing the door. "Wait, please I haven't really talked to anyone in a while." I opened the door and walked back in, he looked like a child. He had tears in his eyes, his whole body seemed to shake. "I'm so sorry for what I've done. Could you please just sit and talk for a while? It would mean a lot to me, even if you just listened." It took a lot to hold myself together, I couldn't let him see a weakness. I nodded since my voice would have broke if I had spoken. I went back to the table and listened to Kevin talk for two hours. Every once and a while I would say something back. When I left the room he was asleep, I had moved him to his bed. I walked down to Nick's room and knocked on the door. He opened it and took me in his arms.
I felt kind of bad since I had made Nick worry so much. "Where were you, I was about to send out a search party?" I took his hand in mine and pulled him to the bed. "I was in Kevin's room talking to him." Nick looked highly confused and a little upset, but more confused. "I'm sorry Nick, but it's not in me to hate anymore. When I look into his eyes I see so much pain. I wanted that at first but now things have changed. I think there are reasons why Kevin is the way he is. That doesn't give him any right to do what he did. But I think he needs help, not punishment. I'm not letting him off the hook it's not my choice alone. I need to talk to Brian and you before hand, we all need to decide." Nick was shaking his head lightly. "How do you do it? I mean you've already forgiven him, I can see it in your eyes. What could have happened to him that made you change your mind? What did he tell you, I'm sure it was a lie?" I looked into his eyes and wondered if it was my place. "It wasn't what he told me Nick, it's what he didn't. Sometimes you have to look deeper than the surface. He's in more pain than I thought he could be. If thing's don't change he'll kill himself and I will not be responsible for that. I will not cost anyone there life, it's not in me to do that." Nick leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.
We didn't talk about it anymore that night. The next morning Kevin looked a little better, but not much. He kept his distance from everyone but me, he wouldn't talk but he stayed close. No one but Nick noticed how Kevin tried to stay close to me. Everyone else didn't know what I did. I had forgiven Kevin for his crimes, but I would never forget. I had an idea, but it was up to Nick and Brian. I was thinking that maybe if Kevin went to a doctor he could get better. And maybe in time, everyone could forgive him. It was a long shot but it was his only shot. He couldn't last much longer at this rate, no one could. It's one thing to chose to be alone it's another to be forced. I asked Brian and Nick to meet me in Nick's room at two. They both agreed and went on with what they were doing. I kept a close eye on Kevin until it was time for a brake, we all headed back to the hotel. I noticed that Kevin stayed pretty far away from everyone, even me. We got out and I went straight to the room. The guys would take a little longer, they had screaming fans. I had a hat and sun glasses on, my hair was in a braid and under my shirt. I had to make sure no one knew who I was, it would endanger the band. I sat in the room and tried to find the right words.
When Nick and Brian walked I was in the middle of a deep thought. I didn't really see or hear them, my mind was rolling. Nick tapped me on my shoulder and I jumped up looking around. I took a few deep breaths and looked at them, they laughed at me. "Ok both of you calm down, I have something serious to talk about." Nick instantly stopped looking into my eyes, it took Brian a few seconds. "Ok I'm better now, what is it you want to talk about Richie?" Ok so this was a little harder than I thought it would be. "It's about Kevin, and we have a choice to make." Brian looked at me then Nick, his mind must have been shattered. "Did he do something to you Rich, I mean if he did do what ever you have to." I took a few deep breaths and then looked to Nick, I hoped he was behind me on this. "Kevin didn't do anything Bri, I did something to him. I talked with him last night, he has a lot of problems." Brian looked confused, he kept looking from Nick to me. "I think we should stop what we are doing to Kevin. I have a lot of reasons, but none of those matter if either of you are against it. I think he needs to see a doctor, a shrink in other words. He's needs help not punishment, I think Kevin's dad raped him. I believe it's the main reason he did what he did to us." Brain's face had changed, but he didn't look angry, he looked sick.
Brain was taking deep breaths and sitting on the bed. "Did he tell you that Rich, I mean if he did?" He just left the sentence hanging in the air. "No, he didn't tell me that, but I asked him. I've been feeling really bad lately, and even when I shouldn't care about Kev, I do. I find myself looking for answers and only finding more questions. I tried to get some answers last night, but that was in vain. But when I asked about his father Kevin changed, it was like walls slamming closed. His eyes filled with ice and pain, untold pain. I decided that it would be a good time to leave, when I was outside the door he stopped me. Not by force or anything, he cried out for me to stay just a little while. I listened to him talk for a while. He didn't really talk about anything important he just talked." Brian was looking at the floor, his eyes were brimming with tears. "I asked him why he had done what he did to you, it wasn't my place but I asked. He told me what happened that night, not the details. He said that he didn't have any reasons for his actions. I can't believe that, not of him, something inside my heart screams that he needs help. That's why I asked both of you here, I'm not making this call on my own. It's up to us, as a family, it's what we are to one another. I know Nick is the one looking in from the outside. But you and me Bri, we've both been there in the same place. I know it was different for you, I won't pretend other wise." I stopped for a few seconds, I had to give Brian a chance to take it all in.
Nick was sitting a little away from us, but watching closely. I needed Nick more than he thought, he could see things differently than I could. I was letting myself follow my heart and soul. While Nick was still thinking with his head, not his heart. Brian could be pushed into agreeing with me, I didn't want that. I wanted him to really make the choice himself. With Nick here he would make a choice that was right for him. "I'm not trying to presser you Bri, really I'm not. I just keep seeing the pain in his eyes, I know I don't have to look. I just can't help myself, he looks so alone, so lost." I had to stop, if I went on it would change Brian's mind. I could make him feel as guilty as I felt, I could tell him that I thought Kevin would kill himself. I couldn't do that to him, it wouldn't be right, it takes his choice away. I waited, hoping that Brian would chose soon even if it was not to care. "Are you sure about his dad doing that, I mean could that have really happened? That alone would be reason enough for him to get help. But I would have to know for sure that was the reason." I looked at Brian, he had his rights and now I had to find out myself. "No, I don't know for sure, but I'll find out tonight after the concert." Brian looked up at me and shook his head. "No, you can't face him alone, he might lose it." I shook my head I had already faced Kevin alone.
That night I stood outside Kevin's door again. This time I knocked normally, he answered seconds later. He moved out of my way and invited me in, he was smiling. I could see light in his eyes, something like hope. In just a few seconds I had found that I liked that feeling. He was hopeful that he wouldn't be alone anymore. "We need to talk Kev, and I mean really talk. I have some really important questions to ask you and I need the truth." Kevin was nodding, while walking toward the table. He sat down and looked at me with a smile. It wasn't a smile that I had ever seen on an adults face. It looked more like the smile of a child. "Last night I asked you about your father and you closed up on me. I can understand that, but not now, a lot is riding on this Kev." He looked lost for a few seconds. He had tears falling from his eyes and his body was shaking. I wanted to hug him but I couldn't force myself to get that close to him. I sat down across from and looked into his eyes. He was fighting a battle, one that I hoped he won. "He was my father, theirs not much else to tell." His voice had cracked five times in the short sentience. I put my hand in his and held it there, his eyes focused on my hand. He looked into my eyes and the tears fell quicker. "It wasn't my father that raped me Richie it was........."
To Be Continued ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know I'm evil and most likely you are going to yell at me. Well, I would love to hear from you anyway. I'm sure you know my e-mail address, and if you don't scroll down a little bit. The next part is going to take a little time, I have to do some research. I bet you all thought it was Kevin's father well guess again. Ok I'm off to write more, my insanity has kicked in full gear.
E-mail: Angel36745@aol.com