Aren't I good, I got it out before Christmas! Yay! Happy Holidays everyone! Consider this your prezzie :) I hope this meets everyone's approval. My sister edited it so it should be error-free but no one's perfect. Yay my sister though. So, I hope everyone is well and healthy. Oh and I finally got my domain working. :) Everything has been moved to there so the site on envy.nu is in the process of being shut down :) Yay.
website. http://snowroses.net e-mail. quillfairy4@hotmail.com aim.
Chapter 21 "It's Tangled Up With Me "
"...happy birthday dear Ja-ames. Happy Birthday to you!"
He scrunched his eyes closed and blew out the 6 candles, the wisps of smoke carrying his wish to the ceiling. Everyone clapped as I cut into the chocolate on chocolate cake that he had specifically requested. The knife slid through the layers as if it were water and fell onto the paper plates with a plop. Sierra grinned happily when she found that a flower was on her piece.
I handed Dawn a piece and licked the frosting from my finger as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," I said, putting a bit of chocolate on James' nose, and making my way to the door. A round of laughter erupted from the family room as I opened the door, Bob's rich voice rising above it all.
I blinked a few times, not quite sure what to do. My stomach was doing flips.
Dawn came out, with cake still in her hands, licking more from her finger. "Whose at the door, Muffin?"
I stepped aside and let her see for herself.
"Hello, honey," Felicity smiled upon seeing her daughter.
Dawn sputtered and swallowed. "M-mom. What are you doing here?" She slid over to me and grasped my hand for help except I wasn't sure what to do myself.
"Aren't you going to invite me in?"
"Is that in reference to the fact that you're a vampire?" I growled.
Dawn kicked me in the ankle. "Iya," she warned. "Yeah Mom, come in."
I looked at Dawn as if she were nuts and sent her a silent message.
Her eyes widened as if to say 'what else was I supposed to do?'
I sighed and shut the door behind Felicity. Her suitcases bounced on the floor as she set them down with a sigh. I guess she planned on staying for a while.
James came running out. "Is it my present from Grammy and Grampy?" he stopped short and jumped behind me and Dawn.
I cupped the back of his head and lightly ran my fingers through his hair, calming him down.
"We weren't expecting you," Dawn managed to say. "You picked a really bad day to just show up."
"She ruined my birthday," James muttered, sniffling.
I turned around. "James, why don't you and Sierra take Bruno outside. Take Uncle Jonathan and Uncle Adam with you."
He nodded and cautiously left my side and whistled for Bruno to come with him.
"And send Grandpa Bob out here," Dawn called after him.
"Does that make me Grandma Felicity?" she asked, her lips pursed together in a tight smile.
'Not if I can help it,' I thought bitterly.
Bob came into the foyer, a cup of milk in his hands. He stumbled when he saw Felicity. "Hello, dear. What are you doing here?" He wiped the bit of spilled milk from his shirt.
Her hands were clasped in front of her, face paler than before. "I know I haven't exactly been a model mother or grandmother, but you need to understand it from my point of view," she took Dawn's hand in hers. "It was such a big shock. You and Randall; I was so sure that you would marry him and raise a family."
"But I am raising a family-- and Lexy is going to marry the man and raise the family," Dawn protested.
She smiled and cupped her cheek. "When you told me, when I saw you and Iya together, I got scared and I ran."
"Not without saying anything, God forbid," I grumbled.
She nodded. "I know I can't immediately repair the damage I've done. Maybe I never will. When James went running, I knew I had done something awful. Just, just give me a chance to make everything better."
Dawn bit her lip and looked over at me. I could tell she was dying to have her mother back in her life.
"Well, I suppose there's enough room for her and Bob in the guestroom," I sighed.
Dawn squealed and threw her arms around me, forgetting about the piece of cake in her hands which splattered on my shirt. She giggled. "Sorry, honey."
I kissed her nose. "No problem. I'll just go soak it and put on something else."
Felicity picked up her bags. "Could you show me where I should put my things?"
"Yeah, follow me. I'm going in that direction anyway." I took her upstairs to what would eventually be Abby's room. "Here you go. I think Bob is only taking up a small portion of the closet and there's a dresser in there, too."
"Thank you," she put her suitcases on the bed and looked around the room. She cleared her throat. "I want you to know, I meant what I said down there. I want to make things better. I want to be a good mother-in-law to you and a good grandmother to James and the baby." She turned back to her suitcases and began unlocking them.
"Abby."
She looked up. "Excuse me?"
"We're naming her Abby."
"That's a lovely name."
******* i spun a web
I came into the bedroom after putting James to bed and reading another chapter in Harry Potter. Softly, I shut the door behind me and changed.
Dawn sat near the head of the bed, rubbing lotion into her arms and legs.
I sat down behind her, leaning against the headboard, and began rubbing her shoulders. "How are you feeling?"
She leaned against my touch. "Exhausted," she sighed and closed her eyes, putting her head on my shoulder.
I nodded and kissed her neck. "It's been a big day."
She didn't say anything, just placed her hand on my thigh.
"Don't start something you can't finish," I whispered.
She looked up at me, a familiar fire in her eyes. "Who said I was going to stop?"
I captured her lips and pulled the truth from her, feeling her desire through her moist tongue.
She began to get on her knees but I stopped her.
"Stay the way you are. It's my treat."
"But.."
"Shh," I continued kissing her neck and up to her ear. "Just relax."
She shivered at the feather light touch and did as I said, just leaning against me, completely open.
I pulled the long shirt over her head and ran my hands along her soft, smooth sides up to her breasts.
She sighed contently against me but moved my hands to her cloth-covered sex between her bent legs.
I chuckled and kissed her ear. "Not yet," and moved my hands back to her stomach.
She whimpered a bit. "Tease," she whispered.
I silenced her by attacking her lips again and moving my hands back to my original target. I massaged her engorged breasts with the palm and tip of my fingers, feeling the silkiness of her skin.
Slowly, I moved down her stomach again and she smiled between kisses. She shimmied from the last bit of clothing that clung to her body and looked up at me with doe eyes. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I kissed her from her arm down to her fingers before running a hand up her thigh and to her sacred cavern. I maneuvered myself to her sparkling center and began my work like an artist creating her masterpiece. Dawn was my masterpiece.
******* o no, what's this?
I felt like I was on fire. A beautiful, liquid fire that seared every nerve in my body. My tongue was puffy and swollen inside my mouth as I gasped, begging for something to extinguish the burning. I quivered and whimpered for aid, my naked body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. My fingers curled around the only solid thing I could find in my blind euphoria as my back arched, knees buckled, and the fire became less intense.
Dawn's beautiful face appeared in front of me as a smile tugged at the corner of my lips. "Hi," she whispered.
I just smiled, that was all I had the strength to do.
She giggled and bucked her hips against mine causing a wonderful shiver to course through my body in a flash of white light. I felt comfortable, basking in that light and knowing that everything was alright; perfect even. Just me and Dawn.
She put her head on my chest and sighed like she was reborn and waiting for her new life to start with a flourish of satisfaction and equal impatience. "Iya?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
And I felt the same way.
I woke up from that dream with renewed energy. Dawn was lying next to me, smiling in her sleep and clutching the corner of the pillow. She's so beautiful when she sleeps.
As I pattered down the stairs to make breakfast, I heard movement in the kitchen. Felicity was already up and making pancakes on the griddle. I almost didn't have the heart to tell her that James only ate them on weekends and Dawn was going through a 'no pancakes' stage. I almost didn't have the heart to tell her that. Almost. I told her anyway.
She looked down at the pile of pancakes that were still warm, little wisps of smoke coming from the golden brown stack. "Oh."
Maybe it was for the defeated look on her face or maybe I wanted to show her that I knew a part of Dawn that she didn't. Or maybe I just wanted her to know that I could hurt her right back.
But I couldn't stand that look; like I'd just pulled out her heart and shown it to her. "But thank you. It's kind of nice to have someone else cook. Besides, my pancakes always come out lumpy," so I lied to make up for it. She was trying. The damage wasn't going to be forgotten because she made pancakes but it was a warm start.
She knew I was lying.
I filled the teapot with water and set it on the stove. While it heated I warmed James' bagel and spread the cream cheese on it myself.
Felicity had discarded the rest of the batter and put two pieces of toast in the toaster for Dawn.
The sun streamed through the window as we worked side by side for a common cause. There's something special about two mothers of different generations making breakfast for their children in the same kitchen. We maneuvered around each other carefully as the buzz of the microwave filled the empty silence and the toast popping up made us both jump.
Watching her carefully spread a thin layer of jelly on each slice and seeing the content smile on her face made my heart soar. She knew she didn't have to do this. She could've been in the bathroom soaking in a bubble bath but she was here. And I understood that. I understood the feeling you get when making food for your own because you knew you were doing something special. You were filling the kitchen with wonderful smells that they would carry with them for the rest of their lives.
That morning in the kitchen did more than an infinity of talks could have done.
After James left for school I crawled back into bed next to Dawn and wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder. "Morning," I whispered, running a hand through her hair.
She groaned and turned over, nuzzling her head into my chest. "Don' wanna get up."
I kissed the top of her head. "Come on. We already let you sleep in late. It's almost 9."
She sighed and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Let's just stay in bed all day."
"No. You need to take a shower. You smell."
She stuck her tongue out at me. "And you smell like roses."
"I do, actually. Come on, Felicity made toast for you and it's getting pretty cold. I bet if you asked real nice she'd make you something good."
Dawn looked up at me. "Since when do you say something nice about my Mom?"
I shrugged. "She's not so bad." I never did tell her what happened in the kitchen that morning. I never really felt like I needed to. Maybe I should've but I didn't.
She pressed her hand to my forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"
I chuckled and kissed her nose, sitting up and pulling the blanket off of her. "Now, get up and take a shower."
She grumbled but got up and sauntered into the bathroom.
******* and i lost my head
I sat on the back porch, a cup of tea in my hands and a thin sweater around my shoulders. I didn't really need anything else. It didn't get that cold in California.
I missed Pennsylvania. I missed the cold weather and all my wool sweaters that kept me oh-so-warm on those nights in my drafty dorm room. It was probably covered in snow by now. It usually is by December. I missed the leaves falling to the ground that year. I missed getting up at 6 a.m. for my 8 o'clock class across town. I missed being a student.
I don't regret my choices. I don't regret that I'm living in a house with the love of my life and my son. I love it here, too. I love the way the waves sound when they break against the shore and the way Bruno's little paw prints stop at the edge, still afraid to tackle the large waves. At least, they were large to him.
I sighed as a light wind danced across my shoulders, pulling the hair from my face.
The glass door slid open and closed behind me. James came pattering up and wriggled his way into my lap, resting his head on my shoulder.
I put my arms around him and kissed the top of his head. It was worth it to see James so happy and content here. He loves it here, too. He has friends here.
"Mama?"
"Hmm?"
"Do I have to call her Grandma?"
I shook my head. "No. You can call her whatever you want, as long as it's appropriate."
He sighed wearily at the last part. "Nuts," he mumbled under his breath before starting again. "Mama?"
"Yes James."
"Are you and Dawn married?"
I stared down at him as he looked up at me. "No, why?"
He looked away quickly. "Will you marry her?"
I hugged him closer to me as a light blush rose in his cheeks. "Someday. Do you want her to be a part of our family?"
"She already is," he said.
There was a pregnant pause as we watched the sea together. Bruno came tumbling out and ran around on the sand, dodging waves and shrieking when his dainty paws touched the cold water. He ran up and sat at my feet, sighing contentedly.
"Mama?"
"Hmm?"
"I want you to marry Dawn. Can I call her Mom? Or Mim? What about Mim? I think it means something though."
"You can call her whatever you'd like," I left out the last part on purpose. James knew better. "I think Mim means Aunt in Spanish but it can mean something different between you and her."
He nodded against my shoulder. "Mama and Mim," he tested it on his tongue before smiling broadly. "I like that. Now you have to marry her so I can call her that."
I stroked his hair, trying to keep my anxiety at bay. I don't know why the idea of marriage made me so nervous these days. Although the fact that my 6 year old son was pushing me to get married was a little overwhelming. I knew that Dawn was the only one for me. There was no one else that could possibly fill her shoes. No one would create such an impression on James as she had. That's what was important. Why not marry her? I loved her. James loved her.
"Mama? Are you okay?"
I nodded. "I'm fine."
We had really only been together, as a couple, since about August. Four months. Only four months we'd been a couple. It hit me how intense they'd been. It felt like years. Was it supposed to feel like that? Or should I be saying 'It seems like yesterday...' even though it doesn't? I felt like I'd aged decades. Maybe I had in some way.
Again, the glass door opened and Bob stuck his head out. "Dinner's ready."
******* i turned to run
As the weeks passed, Felicity made herself more at home but the tension was rising under our roof. Each day was a heart-breaking struggle for all of us. The trial was coming quickly. Dawn and I frequently had meetings with the lawyers. But there really wasn't much to say anymore.
It seemed like the weeks flew and suddenly we were sitting in the court room. Jonathan, Adam, Felicity, and Bob were sitting in the audience while Dawn and I sat at the defendant's table with Marissa and Daniel. Mama and Papa had wanted to come but I had told them to stay in Chicago.
In front of us was the judge's stand. An American flag and the state flag were perched behind him on two golden poles that loomed over his head. Along the walls were pictures of past judges in their frightening glory. Stone-faced and ashen in the oil paintings.
Dawn's hand was latched onto mine, both of us were sweating profusely and finding a tight grip was almost impossible. I thanked God that James was at school. I could only imagine how nervous he was. Dawn had been throwing up most of the morning and all I could do was hold her hair back and offer a cold washcloth. She looked so pale this morning. Her eyes were dark and the usual sparkle was gone. Her hair was limp against her shoulders.
Oliver and Rachel Montgomery sat at the parallel table. Rachel was crying into a yellow silk handkerchief. What a good trick.
The Judge was looking over a file of some kind. He set it down and nodded. "Begin."
The Montgomery's lawyer got up. "Your Honor, my clients have suffered a severe loss. Their only son, Jared Montgomery, was in a car accident four months ago and was killed. All they are asking is that the baby that he created be given to them. Is it too much to ask that they have their own flesh in blood in their house? They can give the child everything. They've suffered a great tragedy," he sat down.
Dawn was shaking next to me. Her eyes stared through the table to the floor, boring a hole into it.
Daniel stood up. "My sympathies to the Montgomery's for their loss. But to give them my clients' child would be a crime. Your Honor, Dawn Reed was raped by Jared Montgomery. Surely that violation alone should be grounds for her to keep the baby. Should the Montgomery's get the child just because their son died? No. Miss Reed has pulled her life back together after that horrific night. She and Miss Moon have made a loving home for Miss Moon's son and they can provide just as well as the Montgomery's. This woman's safety was taken away, don't take away the child too."
Mr. Saunders, their attorney, stood again. "Your Honor, if I may."
The Judge rubbed his wrinkled temple and nodded. "Proceed."
"What evidence do we have that this woman was indeed raped? There are no hospital records that a woman named Dawn Reed came to the hospital that night and was tested. And if she was raped, wouldn't she want to have someone take the baby off her hands? This baby that was made by force and out of wed-lock."
Marissa stood next. "Your Honor, we'd like to call Olivia Walters to the stand."
It'd been so long since we'd seen Olivia. She winked at us and sat down after vowing to tell the truth.
Marissa paced the floor. "Olivia, you know Miss Reed and Miss Dawn, correct?"
"Yes I do."
"You knew them when Miss Reed was raped."
She nodded. "Yes I did."
"Can you tell the court what you saw?"
Olivia sighed deeply and pushed a piece of hair from her face. "I was at a club with Iya when it happened. She received a page and it was Dawn, in hysterics. I paid Iya's bill and she rushed home. When I saw them again, Dawn had a large bruise on her cheek. I've been raped myself so I know the look that I saw in her eyes," she shifted and turned to Mr. Saunders. "And you can check the hospital records in New York, I'm on the list."
I squeezed Dawn's hand, her shaking had slowed a bit.
"No further questions," Marissa sat down.
Mr. Saunders walked up to the stand and leaned against it. "But you weren't there when it happened."
"No, I wasn't."
"There we are again. No one really knows if this woman was actually raped. No one except her and the deceased. Your Honor, my clients deserve this child. They've suffered greatly."
I watched Olivia's face change.
"And Iya and Dawn haven't? My God man, how do you sleep at night? You know just as well as I do that they," she pointed to the Montgomery's. "Don't deserve the child."
The judge sounded his gavel. "That will be stricken from the record. Miss Walters, one more outburst like that and I'll hold you in contempt."
Mr. Saunders smirked and sat back down.
Olivia got up and grumbled back to the audience but sent us an apologetic smile. I could only nod.
Daniel wearily stood and the trial continued. Dawn and I both told our stories. There really wasn't much else to do. Oliver and Rachel gave multiple reasons why they would be better parents to Abby. Mr. Saunders kept stressing that Dawn was never raped but if they knew what I knew, they'd think differently. It didn't matter whether she was raped or not.
The judge finally intervened. "Miss Moon, you have a son, is that right?"
I just nodded.
"Is he here?"
"No, he's at school."
"There will be a 25 minute recess so the boy can be taken out of school and I can talk to him privately," he sounded the gavel.
"Is that good?" Dawn croaked.
I nodded and stroked her hair, kissing her temple.
Jonathan and Adam came up. "We'll go get James."
I thanked them and held Dawn in my arms. I watched the Montgomerys walk out of the room. They seemed so much happier. They thought they'd won. Rachel had stopped crying into her handkerchief hours ago.
Felicity helped me move Dawn into a more comfortable room and lay her down on a plush couch. I knelt next to her on the floor and took her hand. "How're you feeling, baby?"
Finally she cried. She rolled over and wrapped her arms around my neck, sobbing into my shirt. They echoed off the walls and I was sure the whole building could hear her. The sound of a heartbroken woman is very hard to miss. Her howls shook every bone in the room and even the windows shuttered at the sound.
I felt my own tears fall down my face and onto her hair. I didn't think I would be able to cry. I had wanted to so badly. To just break down. I gave in and my sobs joined hers in a harmonious chorus of heartache.
******* and i'm caught in the middle
When we sat back down, James was in Jonathan's arms and looking quite petrified. I pulled him into my lap and held him tightly as the judge sat and smiled warmly at James. He shyly smiled back, acting very much his age.
The judge leaned forward, explaining that there was no need to frighten James by making him sit by himself on the stand. "What's your name?"
"James Michael Hamilton, sir," he replied. "What's yours?"
"Michael Hawthorne. How long have you lived with your mother?"
He thought for a second. "Only about 3 months, Michael, sir. My daddy died. But Mama would visit all the time cause she was in school. Grandma and Grandpa would help take care of me."
"Do you like living with your mother?"
He nodded enthusiastically. "It's great. She reads to me and makes me snacks when I come home from school. And Mim plays games with me and takes walks with me and Bruno on the beach."
"Mim?"
He smiled sheepishly. "That's my name for Dawn. I don't like just calling her 'Dawn' like everyone else, I wanted something special. She's like my mom."
Dawn stared at him, tears welling up in her eyes again. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose softly.
The Judge smiled. "I would like to talk to James in my quarters, privately."
He looked up at me. "Did I do something wrong?"
I kissed his temple. "No. Go with the judge."
He slid off my lap and followed Judge Hawthorne out of the court room.
Dawn turned to me. "Did you know about that?"
I took her hand. "He told me about it a few weeks ago. I was wondering when he'd start calling you that."
She smiled brightly and threw her arms around me. "I love it, I absolutely love it."
I kissed her and placed my hand on her stomach. "She's kicking," I smiled, feeling the little 'thump thump thump'.
She leaned against me. "I'm so tired."
"I know, me too."
It seemed like forever before James came skipping out and sat back down in my lap. He was grinning from ear to ear.
Judge Hawthorne sat down. "I've made my decision."
i never meant to cause you trouble, and i never meant to do you wrong, and i, well if i ever caused you trouble, o no, i never meant to do you harm.
-- So what didja think? Yeah, I thought so :)
Don't Forget to Smile, Secret