Hi! I don't think this chapter needs any introduction :)
E-mail: dreamsecret@poetic.com
Webpage: http://envy.nu/poisonthorns - NEW LAYOUT! (on the site there's also a new story that I'm thinking about writing. If you could stop by, read it, and tell me what you think, that would be REALLY helpful!)
Chapter 13 "I'm looking for a friend to borrow" By: Secret Dreamer
You're so far gone
I sat in the kitchen with Kat and Dawn, sipping a cup of tea and just enjoying the day. The sun was shining brightly through the window that morning. Birds were singing sweetly in the trees by the gazebo in the backyard.
"So what was Dawn like in college?" I asked, grinning ear to ear.
Kat chuckled. "She was a party girl."
"That doesn't surprise me much."
Dawn was turning red. "Do we really have to talk about my college life?"
"At this one party she got so smashed. She started pole dancing and there wasn't even a pole!"
I giggled and laced my fingers through Dawn's. "You'll have to show that one to me sometime."
Her mouth opened and shut before the red deepened.
I kissed her cheek. "I was kidding sweetie."
She hid behind her mug.
A scream from outside brought us back to reality. I was the first to jump up and run to the door. Before I could reach it, it flung open and Teddy stood in the doorway, a look of horror on his face.
"Where's James?" I tried to get past him but he blocked my way. "Where's James!" I screamed.
He wrapped his arms around me as I tried to get past him. "Kat, call 9-1-1. Iya, James was hit by a car."
I've never been just wearing down to nothing
Everything seemed to flash in front of me. The paramedics loading his little body into the truck. I climbed in after him and held onto him. His eyes were open.
"Mommy?" his voice was so small.
"I'm right here, James." I squeezed his hand.
He closed his eyes.
It was a short ride to the hospital, or at least it felt that way. They wheeled him away from me. I felt like I was losing him. I managed to hop out of the truck and follow behind. They kept mumbling doctor mumbo jumbo, I couldn't figure out what they were talking about.
"Iya?"
I turned around and found Kat, Teddy, and Dawn. I ran into Dawn's arms and cried. I couldn't lose James. I'd already lost Hazel and Donny. I couldn't lose James too.
"It's going to be okay," Dawn whispered, stroking my back. "He's going to be okay.
"What if he's not?"
She didn't have an answer for that.
And it's too late to go home all alone.
We sat in the waiting room. Well, they sat. I walked back and forth. Back and forth.
The waiting room was ugly. It had puke pink walls that invited you to vomit. The chairs were uncomfortable and a gray and white color.
Boxes were all over the floor. All of them were filled with toys for little kids. Toys that James would have played with. Well, maybe not but I still had an image of him giggling and laughing over the tinker toys.
There was an ugly painting on the wall. One of those recreations that looks like it was badly photocopied. The colors seemed to bleed together but they were already so dull you could barely tell them apart, anyway. The water was greenish yellow instead of blue and the trunks of the trees were gray instead of brown.
The room was supposed to be cheerful but I felt like my insides would come out at any moment.
I peered at Dawn who was staring at the floor. Her lips were pursed together in a thin line, hands clasped together so tightly her knuckles were white.
I bit my lip. I wanted to hold her but my feet wouldn't move. I swallowed back a few tears as a doctor came into the waiting room.
"Miss Moon?"
I hurried over. "That's me."
He shook my hand. "We've managed to stabilize him. You can come see him."
I nodded and followed him down a white corridor. 'dŽjˆ vu,' I thought bitterly as he opened a door and let me inside.
Machines were hooked up to his tiny body. Scraps, bruises, and wounds were clearly visible on his face and arms.
I sat down next to him, tears streaming down my face. "Hi, sweetie."
He squinted and smiled softly. "I'm okay, Mommy."
I grabbed his hand and held it tightly. "I hope so."
Good-bye four leaf clovers
I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to the sound of a machine flat-lining.
Nurses and doctors rushed into the room. I was carried out into the hallway somehow and I stood from afar.
Dawn came up and wrapped her arms around me, leading me away from the room. She sat me down in one of the chairs.
I was losing him. I might have already lost him. I couldn't lose him. I didn't know what I'd do without him.
It seemed like hours but was only minutes until a doctor came walking down the hallway towards us.
I knew the answer from the grim look in his face.
"No," I shook my head against Dawn's chest.
He sighed. "I'm sorry Miss Moon. We lost him."
I screamed.
He had been so little once. He had fit in my arms. He had depended on me more than anything for a little while. He would stare up at me and smile his special little smile. Just for me. He would reach out his hands and giggle.
I remembered when he took his first steps on the beach. His little feet made imprints in the sand before he fell on his diapered bottom and looked completely shocked.
When he had started using utensils on his own. More food landed on him than in him.
When I saw him for the first time. He was small and pink. His eyes were shut and a tuft of brown hair stood on end on the top of his head. His mouth was closed but he yawned and made a smacking motion before rolling into my arms. I swore he sighed with contentment that day. My little prince.
He was. He was my little prince. He held inside of him everything that I held dear.
And now he was gone.
I cried against Dawn. She cried against me. Jonathan cried as Adam held him.
"Why?" I whispered, clinging onto her for dear life.
"I don't know," she replied. "I just don't know."
That you live to lose
James had died four months ago. I padded through the kitchen, dressed in a bathrobe and slippers. My hair was in disarray and large discolored bags hung under my eyes.
Dawn walked through the front door as flat as ever. We'd lost the baby two months ago. She looked at me and her eyes filled with pity.
I looked away and sat down at the kitchen table.
She sat down next to me and took my hands in hers. "I can't do this anymore," she whispered.
I stared at her in bewilderment. "What are you talking about?"
She sighed and played with the fringe of her shirt. "I can't live like this. I can't bare to see you moping around anymore. I found someone new."
I blinked away tears and could only nod. I understood. I hadn't been that fun to live with in the past few months.
Like a whisper in the wind, she was gone.
I just sat at the table and stared into oblivion.
I've never been just longing for your loving
I stood in the bathroom. My hair was short and uneven. Cut almost to the scalp. I stared at myself in the mirror with disgust.
Dawn had left three months ago. I was officially alone in the world.
Jonathan and Adam stopped coming by after I stopped speaking. I had stopped speaking when James died.
James. My beautiful little prince.
I stared at the bottle of pills in my hand. I smiled an evil, wicked smile. It was so simple. Just take the pills and sleep forever.
"Good-bye," I whispered. My voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper from disuse.
I dumped the pills onto the counter but eyed the razor. So simple. So very, very simple. I picked up the gleaming blade and raised it above my wrist.
These blue yonder dreams
I sat up. Sweat trickled down my face and neck. I stared at Dawn who was sleeping peacefully beside me. I threw back the covers and ran down the hallway until I reached James room. I opened the door and sighed with relief.
There he was. Sleeping peacefully. My little prince.
It had all been a dream. Just an awful, awful dream.
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It was Chapter 13! I had to do something for it :). You know, unlucky 13. I don't believe in any of that but it was too good to pass up. :0) Besides, it was just a dream. (12 wasn't) I hope you liked it!
Until next time..
Don't forget to smile, Secret Dreamer