Faith

Here is the latest story from me, SheWhoWrites. The usual cautions apply: the following contains descriptions of sexual activity between two women, so please don't read it if this will offend you, you are a minor, or this material is illegal where you are. The characters in this story are entirely fictional.

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Faith

by

SheWhoWrites

I expected nothing. If you expect nothing then you can't be disappointed.

"What did you say?" I looked up from the newspaper at my friend Mike.

"I said that Jason's cousin has moved over here, from Canada," he replied, whilst slicing mushrooms.

"Mm-hmm?" I wasn't sure what the relevance of this was to me. Mike was an old friend of mine that I'd known since my school days, and Jason was a buddy of his from work. I knew Jason a bit, we often ended up in the pub at the same time, but not particularly well.

"I think you'd like her, you know? You should meet her." He swept the mushrooms into the frying pan on the cooker and they began to spit at everything in the vicinity.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "How do you mean, 'like'?"

"You know," he replied, "she's hot. Your kind of thing."

"Mike..."

"She's gay you know."

I rolled my eyes. "You're doing it again."

"Oh come on Laura, I'm only saying!"

"Will you stop trying to set me up with every lesbian in central England?" I said, grinning. Mike was forever doing this. Whenever he met a woman who turned out to be gay, he would immediately try and get them to hook up with me. On a couple of occasions I'd gone along with it, but it had never worked out and I was reluctant to humour him again.

Satisfied that the mushrooms were cooking nicely, Mike broke a couple of eggs into another frying pan. "I just think it would be nice for you if you met someone. You've been single for ages."

"Well, unfortunately Buckingham is not exactly a hotbed of women," I replied. In truth he was right, I hadn't really been in a relationship of any significance for over two years, and although I'd had the odd brief liaison in that time, I was starting to feel a little lonely. But twice in my twenty-nine years I'd had my heart broken savagely, and it had not left me very trusting. On top of that, the vast majority of my friends were straight, so the opportunities to meet like-minded women were few and far between. Sure, I did the usual things - go down to London for Mardi Gras, or Brighton for Pride, but beyond that I wasn't much of a scene bunny.

"All the more reason!" Mike was smiling at me in such a way that it was clear that he was up to something.

"Have you even met the girl?"

"I have actually," he said, "she was at the pub with Jason on Thursday night, when you didn't come out." I was a biology teacher at the grammar school in the town and had been snowed under with reports to write as it was nearing the end of term. "She was really nice," he continued, "I'm sure you'd get on with her. Her name is Erin."

"What does she look like?" I hated myself for being so shallow, but these days it was all I had to fall back on. Nothing ever seemed to last anyway.

"About your height, brown hair, down to about her shoulders. She's pretty. Really nice figure. Shame she's a lesbian really, I'd go for her otherwise."

"How do you know she is anyway?"

Mike got a couple of plates down from the shelf and placed them on the breakfast bar I was sitting at. "Jason told me she is. Orange juice?"

"Please. Are you sure he's not winding you up?"

"Why would he?" he asked as he poured the juice into my glass.

"I don't know, maybe to stop you latching onto her?" I replied, "How old is she anyway?"

"Twenty-seven." Mike got a plate of bacon and sausages out from the oven where it had been keeping warm and dished them up onto the plates.

"Mike, I don't know. I really don't think this is a good idea."

"You might as well meet her, at least." He added the mushrooms to the plates, then an egg each, before placing it in front of me.

"Thanks," I said, "this looks superb. But you know how busy I am at the moment."

"Not too busy to come and have breakfast with me," he answered.

"That's different. It's Sunday. We always do this."

"I'm sure you could fit it into your busy schedule. You'll probably meet her in the pub anyway."

"If I ever get there again," I said through a mouthful of sausage and egg, "I hate the end of term. There's so much to do."

"And you wonder why none of the rest of us are teachers." Mike was an engineer.

"Why has she come to England anyway?"

"Work, I think," he answered, "she was a bit vague about it."

"And she's living in Buckingham?"

"Yeah. I guess that's because of Jason. Can't think of any other reason."

I rolled my eyes again. "It's not that bad!"

"No, I suppose not," he said, "just, if I could pick any part of the country to live, I don't think it would be here."

"Where would you go then?"

"Southend," he said, and laughed.

In the days that followed I pretty well dismissed any thought of meeting Erin from my head. I wasn't even sure I was looking to get involved with anyone, and given my track record in these matters I certainly had my reservations about one of Mike's recommendations. I knew he meant well, but I had become quite cynical and didn't see much point in pursuing the matter.

I met everyone in our usual pub the following Friday night. When I was getting ready to go out it had occurred to me that Erin would probably be there, but I was determined not to let this matter to me in the slightest. When I got there, I found Mike and Jason sitting at a table with a Bacardi and Coke waiting for me.

"Hi guys," I said by way of a greeting.

"Hi Laura," said Jason, and Mike looked up and smiled at me.

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"Fiona and Dan are coming," said Mike, "and Louise is just in the loo."

I noticed there was no mention of the elusive Erin, but I wasn't going to say anything.

"My cousin Erin was going to be coming," said Jason, as though he was reading my thoughts, "but she wasn't feeling that well so she's staying in."

"Ah, right," I said, as nonchalantly as possible.

"I was telling Laura all about Erin the other day," explained Mike to Jason. I wished he wouldn't, but discretion was never one of Mike's strong points.

"Really?" said Jason, and then to me, "Well, yes, I guess you and her might get on well."

I sighed. "So I've been told. Honestly, this is typical of him," I gestured towards Mike, "he's always trying to match me up with someone."

Jason laughed. "Maybe he's right! You should meet her. Go on a blind date or something!"

"Not you as well," I added, exasperated, "is a girl safe from none of you?"

Louise came back in at that point and, to my relief, the conversation changed direction. But I was concerned. I knew Mike was unlikely to let the matter drop that evening, and although he hardly needed encouragement, having Jason spurring things along was likely to make things worse.

As I walked home later that evening in the cool March air I resolved not to let this go any further. My life was too complicated. I had just acquired a new cat, and I didn't have the time or the energy to put into a relationship. I'd long since lost my faith in there being 'someone out there'. I'd been in love, and on both occasions my partner had turned out not to be who I thought they were. It was clear to me that trusting people was a mistake, especially with something as important as one's happiness. No, it was much better to keep things relatively simple and be on my own. I liked living by myself, I didn't get bored of my own company, and I had a great circle of friends. As things were I could do what I wanted whenever I wanted, and I didn't have to take anyone else's whims into account. Besides, I didn't really trust Mike's judgement on matters of my heart. So that would be that.

Things continued much as normal for the next few weeks. I still didn't meet Erin, but it really didn't bother me at all. Term finished at school, so I had the days to myself on the whole, not that I was short of work; there was lots of coursework that needed to be marked, and I was laying on a little bit of extra tuition for some of my pupils who were to take their GCSEs in June.

Mike rang me one Wednesday morning. "What are you up to tonight?" he asked.

"Nothing, why?"

"We're all getting together for dinner," he replied, "at the Chinese restaurant in Stony Stratford. The table is booked for eight."

That sounded like fun. "Okay, I'll be there! What name is the table under?"

"Richardson," he replied. That was his surname.

"Excellent," I said, "what's this in aid of, anyway?"

"Nothing in particular. We just thought it would be nice."

"Okay, I can live with that. I'll see you tonight!"

I spent most of the day at my desk, but at a quarter to seven in the evening I had a quick shower and put on some clothes that were a little smarter than the things I'd been existing in all day. By the time I left it was twenty to eight. Stony Stratford is a village-cum-small town on the edge of Milton Keynes, and took just over twenty minutes to get to by car. When I arrived I was running a little late, but I was sure it wouldn't matter - my friends were used to my lack of punctuality.

I entered the restaurant and noticed that it was pretty quiet tonight. The waitress asked if I had a reservation.

"Table for Richardson?" I asked.

"Ah, yes," she said, "follow me." She led me to the seating at the back of the restaurant, away from the sight of the door. Then she showed me to a table set out for two, at which sat a woman who was not familiar to me.

I was about to question this when the woman stood up and offered her hand for me to shake. "You must be Laura," she said, in a broad Canadian accent, "I'm Erin."

"Er, yes," I replied, shaking her hand with no doubt a very puzzled look on my face. "Pleased to meet you." The waitress scuttled off at this point and I sat down.

"Jason's told me a lot about you," said Erin chirpily.

"Has he?" I asked, still trying to work out the situation. Erin was much as Mike had described - chestnut shoulder length hair, slim and very attractive. Her eyes were green and her face was beautiful, that I couldn't deny. "Well, I knew he was eager for us to meet, but this has surprised me."

"Surprised you?" she asked, "How so?"

"I was told that everyone was coming out to dinner tonight."

Erin laughed slightly. "Were you? You mean, Mike didn't tell you it was just us?"

"No... you knew?" I couldn't help but smile. I would kill Mike and Jason later, I decided. "This was very clever of them all, I must say."

"Oh dear," said Erin, "I hope you're not annoyed."

I looked at her. I was slightly irritated by the way Mike and Jason had taken liberties in arranging this, but I decided I would be good-humoured about it. Mike had been right, she was stunning. "No, I'm not annoyed. Not at all."

Erin grinned at me. "That's good. Jason told me you knew all about this."

"Nope, not a clue. To be honest, if they'd have told me I probably wouldn't have come. Mike has done this to me before, set me up on a blind date, and it never ended well."

"Really? What happened?"

"He just always managed to find people I really wasn't suited to or attracted to whatsoever." I saw that Erin was looking a little concerned, so I added, "But that was before, you know?" I didn't exactly want to encourage her - attractive as she was, my reservations about the whole situation were unchanged - but I certainly wasn't going to appear rude.

She blushed slightly, and asked if I wanted to choose some food. We poured over the menu for a while and eventually settled on a combination that was agreeable to us both. I selected a wine from the extensive list, and we both started to relax. Although I wasn't really prepared for this, I was determined to enjoy the evening.

"So, Erin, what made you come to England?"

"I just fancied a change, I guess," she said, "I'd been in the same place all my life and I was bored. I wanted a change of scenery. I thought about going to the US, but I knew Jason was over here so I thought I'd give it a try."

"I see," I replied, "so where in Canada were you living?"

"Toronto," she said, "have you ever been there?"

"No."

"You should, it's an amazing city. I do miss it a bit, but most of my family are there so I can go back and visit whenever I want to."

"So what do you so for a living then?" I enquired.

"I'm a research scientist. I'm working just south of Oxford at the moment, which is a bit of a drive every day, but it's a good place."

"At Harwell?" I asked.

"Yes, you know it?"

"Vaguely. I was at Oxford University so I did a bit of work there myself."

"Oxford? Really?" Erin, wide eyed, seemed impressed. "Which college?"

"New College," I replied, "they were fun years. Hard work though."

"I can imagine," she said, "I went to college in Toronto, and they were the best years of my life. Jason tells me you teach."

"That I do. Biology."

"What made you go into that?"

I thought for a second. "I'm not sure really. I always liked the subject, and when I did the PGCE I was well qualified for it."

"PGCE?"

"Post-Graduate Certificate of Education. I guess I kind of went into teaching as an afterthought."

"Where do you work?"

"At the grammar over in Buckingham. I teach up to GCSE, that's 16 year olds, though when I've got a few more years under my belt I hope to take an A-Level class as well. The kids there are great, I really enjoy it."

Erin smiled at me. "I'm sure they do too."

"I'm sorry?"

"Well," she said, "I know if my teacher had looked like you I'd have enjoyed my high school days a whole lot more."

I reddened and grinned. "Well, it's very kind of you to say so, Erin."

At that point, our starter arrived. We both tucked in. I was grateful for the food, I'd not eaten anything since noon and was therefore pretty hungry.

"So I guess you're not seeing anyone at the moment?" asked Erin between mouthfuls.

"Ha ha, no," I said, "I've been single for ages. It suits me, I suppose."

"I see," she said, looking very slightly crestfallen. It occurred to me that that might not have been the best thing to say. I wasn't consciously trying to put Erin off, I was just being honest. But, looking across the table at her, I wondered if I was starting to be more open to the idea of getting involved than I had for a while.

"Well, you know," I started, trying to backtrack a little, "I guess it depends on the situation. No-one has come along recently to make me change my mind." There, I thought, that was suitably non-committal.

"So what does it take for that to happen?" she enquired.

"I don't know really, I imagine when it happens it happens. If it happens. It's been a while, I'm not sure myself anymore!"

"Jason told me you were difficult to get to know!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Did he? What else did he tell you?"

"That it was worth the effort."

We continued chatting away for a good two hours, and I was having fun. Erin was nice, I was enjoying her company. She seemed pretty laid back about life, which was appealing. I wasn't sure what I thought about the whole thing in relation to myself, and anything happening, so I was careful not to say anything that she could take as me coming on strongly to her, but also not to say anything that would make her give up. I'd meant what I'd said before - being single did suit me at the moment - but I thought that rather than immediately deciding 'no' I'd play things by ear.

At the end of the evening, I settled the bill and we went out into the night. My car was parked nearer to the restaurant than hers was, so we got there first. We exchanged phone numbers and agreed that we should probably do this again soon.

"It's been fun," I said, "I'm sure I will see you again soon."

"I hope so," said Erin, then she leant towards me and kissed me lightly on the lips. It had been a while since I had kissed anyone, and Erin's lips felt so soft against my own. I put my hand out onto her elbow and kissed her back, then she pulled away, smiled at me, and set off down the street to find her own car. I stared after her as she walked away. Surely not, I thought.

I lay awake that night, thinking things over. I'd been doing so well until Erin had kissed me. I'd felt completely in control of the situation, and I wasn't feeling strongly one way or the other until that point. I knew I'd enjoyed her company, and I couldn't help but find her attractive. But I was so averse to the idea of putting myself at risk of getting hurt again that I had been determined that I wouldn't her affect me in the slightest. The kiss had changed all that though. In that moment she'd broken down so many of my barriers. I couldn't remember the last time I'd lain awake thinking of someone. Part of me wanted to call her, but something else was holding me back. My pride. But something inside me that had lain dormant for quite some time was beginning to stir.

The following day, though, I resolved not to let things bother me. So she'd kissed me, so what? In the cold light of day I concluded that it didn't mean much, after all. It was just a kiss. That was all. I put the whole episode to the back of my mind, and got on with my day.

Mike phoned in the evening, asking if I was coming out to the pub. I'd made quite good headway with my work that day, so I agreed and said I'd be there in half an hour.

I hadn't really considered that Erin would be there, but when I went in I saw her straight away, sitting at the table with Jason, Mike and Louise. She saw me too, and smiled broadly. I couldn't help but grin back. Despite all my efforts during the day, I knew that I was thrilled to see her. I bought myself a drink, and went over to take a seat at the table. I expected Mike and Jason to leap in and grill me about the night before and whatever Erin must have told them.

To my surprise, they were talking about football, and showed no signs of deviating from this. Erin smiled at me from across the table, but didn't say a word. I wondered if the others noticed that I was blushing somewhat.

Sometime later, I was in the ladies' at the same time as Louise.

"What happened last night then?" she asked me.

"What about last night?" I asked, trying to sound innocent.

"Mike told me, before Jason and Erin came in, that he'd set you and her up."

"Ah, that," I said, unsure of how to proceed, "what has Erin said?"

"Nothing at all, actually," said Louise, "Mike asked her, but she told him to mind his own business. In a nice way, of course."

"I see," I replied, somewhat relieved.

"I think Mike's a bit annoyed, as he arranged it all."

"No-one asked him to," I said.

"So are you going to tell me?" she asked, looking hopeful.

"Well..."

"Go on!"

"It was nice. We got on well. I had fun. Erin's a lovely girl."

"Wow, strong words, from you!" responded Louise, "Are you going to see her again?"

"I don't know," I said, and that was the truth. I knew I wanted to though. After my day of putting things out of my head, having Erin sitting over the table from me had reawakened the feelings that had surfaced the previous night. "It would be good, I guess. But don't say anything to Mike, I don't need him heaping on the pressure."

"Promise," said Louise, smiling at me.

I went back out to the table, and Erin was the only one there as Mike and Jason were having a game of darts in the corner. I took Jason's seat, next to Erin and, feeling very bold suddenly, kissed her once on the lips. I hoped the guys hadn't noticed.

"So you're not quite the ice queen then," said Erin, grinning cheekily.

I made a face of mock hurt. "I don't know who told you that!"

"Oh, you know, little birds," she said, and then paused before continuing, "I really enjoyed having dinner with you last night."

"Me too," I replied, "it was fun."

"Maybe we could go out again?" she asked, "You know, without them setting it up."

"Sure, yeah, that would be nice." I was scared. I didn't want to get myself into a situation that I couldn't get out of, yet already Erin was reeling me in. I was aware that I didn't want to mess this up by running away, this was the most promising situation I'd been in for a long time, but I was terrified of letting myself get hurt. I wanted to hold back so badly, yet when I was with her I was struggling. I wanted to pull her to me and kiss her with a lifetime's worth of passion, but I couldn't let her know she was having that effect on me.

"How about Sunday?" she said, breaking into my train of thought, "we could go somewhere for lunch or something."

"Err, yes, Sunday sounds good," I answered, "yes. I know a place. It's a pub, it does really good Sunday lunch. Roast dinner."

"Sounds wonderful!" she said brightly, and squeezed my hand before leaping up to join the lads. I stayed at the table, pondering the strange and amazing effects that Erin was having on me. I suspected there was little point in fighting things. But then I asked myself whether or not I was really prepared to make the changes that would be required. As I looked over at Erin playing pool I thought about how my life was. I liked not having to report my movements to anyone, I liked that fact that I had no obligations. Yes, I liked her and she was good company, but there were too many other considerations. And what if we got together and it went wrong? That would have bad effects on the dynamic of the group, and I didn't want to mess things up for everyone else. Too much was at stake here.

Whenever she had her back to me, I could convince myself of all these things. Yet from time to time she would turn and smile in my direction, and that was when I felt so unsure. What if Mike was right? Maybe it would do me some good to get involved. Was I really so independent that I had no room in my life for another? I didn't know what to think.

The rest of the evening passed off without much incident. Erin had an early start in the morning so she didn't stay until closing time. After she left Mike started probing me for details, but I played it down and didn't really give much away, and in the end he gave up. As midnight approached we all drifted off to our respective homes, my mind still ticking over.

I rang Mike on Saturday.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to pass on our breakfast tomorrow," I told him, knowing that if I went over there I wouldn't have a chance of getting away in time for lunch with Erin without having to explain everything to Mike.

"Oh, okay," he replied, "what's up?"

"Er," I said, not wanting to go into detail, "something's come up that I can't get out of."

"You've had a better offer?" he asked with mock hurt in his voice.

"Not as such," I lied, "it's just this thing. It's only for this week. I'll catch up with you soon, I promise."

"Hmm," he murmured, "this wouldn't have anything to do with anyone we know, would it?"

"How do you mean?" I asked, trying to sound at least vaguely casual.

"Only, I'm sure Erin mentioned something about having Sunday lunch with someone, that's all..."

I realised that there was no point lying about it. "Fine, you've got me. Guilty as charged."

Mike laughed a little. "So you ARE seeing her again then! Sounds like you got on a bit better than you were letting on. And you are very welcome, by the way."

I sighed. "Mike, I'm sure I told you not to do this. I'm really not looking to get involved with anyone." Which was true.

"So how come you're seeing her again?"

"Because I enjoyed her company. It doesn't mean anything is going to happen. Don't get excited."

"Why not? What's wrong with her? She seems pretty into you."

"There's nothing wrong with her, I just like having my own space, that's all."

"You're impossible."

"I know. That's what you all love about me."

And so the following day I took Erin to a pub in Steeple Claydon, a nearby village, and we had lunch. As before I found it very easy to be in her company, and I was enjoying myself a lot, despite all the lectures I'd given myself before setting out about not letting her get to me. I didn't know what to do. Every time that she smiled at me I could feel her chipping away at the walls around me, yet I really didn't like that I couldn't control this.

After lunch we went for a bit of a drive around the villages. Erin hadn't really seen much of this side of Buckinghamshire since her arrival and I thought she'd enjoy it, especially as it was a nice day. She kept remarking that the old houses and the countryside were beautiful and so unlike where she had grown up.

Seeing an opportunity to impress Erin with my part of England, I parked the car in the car park of a small recreation ground in another of the villages and asked her if she fancied a walk to work off lunch. She replied that she did, so I led her across the park and over a stile at the other side. From here we walked along a narrow path that wound between trees and alongside a small stream. We chatted as we walked, occasionally encountering families out for a Sunday afternoon stroll or lone dog walkers. All the time Erin seemed delighted by this and I was revelling in it.

I was still trying not to get too carried away, but I had resolved to enjoy the day and not let my expectations or otherwise influence me. As the path opened up into fields, Erin rested her hand in the bend of my elbow and we walked, silently, like that for a little bit, myself slightly unsure of what to think but rather liking it. Erin's hand then moved onto the small of my back and down a little, and I felt my heart jump. I looked at Erin and licked my lips. Somehow, she had started a little fire inside me and all of a sudden I wanted to fan the flames.

There was no-one else in the field (nor even any livestock) though I'm not sure I really cared one way or the other. I turned to kiss Erin full on the mouth, and this time the kiss quickly grew into something very passionate, both of us with the other's face in our hands. I pushed Erin back against the trunk of a tree that was a few feet behind her, not that she put up much of a fight. Her hands were now around my waist under my jacket, and our lips clashed with something close to violence. I needed her at that moment - a weakness I would never have admitted - and I had to make it happen.

I started to kiss her neck and the bottom of her jaw and as I did this Erin let out a breathy 'Laura!' and I worried that my knees would buckle just at that. I ran my lips to the top of her chest, to where her shirt was buttoned, and brought my hands up to start work on undoing it. I felt Erin's hands come round to my front and she was pressing quite hard, reflective, I felt, of the arousal and urgency she seemed to be feeling.

But then I realised that what she was doing was pushing me back. Her breathing had slowed, though she was still panting somewhat.

"Not yet, not here," she muttered.

I was a little taken aback, as I'd felt like I had a flow going. "What's up?" I asked, trying to keep the mood going with my tone.

"There's no rush," she said, straightening herself up, "and I certainly don't feel the need to get both of us arrested."

I drew back. She had a point, and, as I would later admit to myself, I had let myself get swept away. Erin looked at me with an expression designed to reassure me that I hadn't blown it, and I smiled at her.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I'm not sure what came over me.."

"You're not sure?" she asked with a grin, "that's a shame."

We walked on without a word for a little while. Then Erin broke the silence. "You know, I was talking to Jason about you."

"Oh yes?" I replied, worried.

"He says that you've been actively avoiding getting into any relationships for a while now."

"Does he?" I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Why?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I guess I'm just used to it."

"I don't believe you," answered Erin, looking at me intently.

"Ha!" I spluttered, but really I was impressed, and a little wary, that she had read me so easily.

"What's the real reason?"

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Well," I began, then paused before continuing, "maybe, I don't know, I'm not sure that I trust people enough to let anyone that close to me."

"Really? That's a real shame."

"I know. It's just that whenever, in the past, I've really let my guard down with someone, they've taken advantage and I've ended up being the one who got hurt."

Erin looked concerned, but at the same time slipped her hand into the crook of my elbow again. "Not everyone is like that."

"I'm sure you're right," I went on, "but it's so hard to tell and I'm a bit scared to risk it again. It's easier to keep things simple, I think. There comes a point when you almost don't think it's worth the risk. I'm not sure two people can be together without hurting each other." I laughed at myself. "All a bit melodramatic, isn't it! But I think it's how I feel now."

"I wonder what it would take to change your mind," said Erin, thinking aloud.

"Who knows? Heaven knows, I don't." I said, but I was smiling. Maybe she was onto something.

I dropped her off later on that afternoon, and after that we started to see each other a bit more frequently. Oddly enough, it almost seemed more platonic than anything, though there was a hint of a spark there. I was still very attracted to her, that hadn't changed, but it seemed to me that Erin was holding back, certainly on a physical level. We spent the time talking, having dinner, taking in a movie or two and sharing several bottles of wine. I enjoyed this time, and found that I was getting to know Erin better and better. My fears were still there, but they were much less in the forefront of my mind. As far as I could tell by now, Erin seemed absolutely genuine.

Yet now I was worried that our relationship was slipping irreversibly into friendship. The irony wasn't lost on me; that as I became more open to the idea of making a real go of it with her, she seemed to be backing off. We still shared plenty of kisses, but whenever I tried to push things further in that respect I was gently rebuked. I didn't really know what to think about this, but I was concerned. A true friendship with Erin would be a wonderful thing, but I now knew that I wanted more than that. The thing I was most afraid of had happened - I had fallen for her, and it wasn't looking good. I was reluctant to raise the issue for fear of chasing her off altogether.

About a month and a half after that Sunday in the villages, I was at home on a Friday evening. Term had restarted and as exams were imminent there was plenty of work for me to be doing, so I was staying in, marking. I was sitting in my living room with exercise books all about the place when the doorbell rang.

I sighed as I got up to answer it, annoyed at having been disturbed. When I opened it, though, my annoyance faded as I saw that it was Erin who was paying me a visit.

"Come in, come in!" I said, "do excuse the mess, the kids are keeping me busy at the moment."

"Not a bad time, I hope?" she asked.

"No, no. Nothing I can't put off for a while." This was a bit of a lie, but I wasn't about to chase Erin away.

"So I was thinking," Erin said as she seated herself on the chair next to the sofa I had been sitting on, "or should I say, wondering?"

"About what?" I asked, intrigued, sitting back down.

"Are you still scared?"

"Of what?" Suddenly, my heart felt like it was in my throat.

"Of getting hurt. Of being used. Specifically, by me."

I wanted to answer, but the words wouldn't seem to come. All I could do was look at Erin with incredulity and shake my head.

"Good," she said, and she got out of the chair, knelt on the floor between my knees. She looked up at me as she placed one arm on each of my thighs. "I knew, after that talk in the field, that it would take time to really gain your trust. I hope I've made some progress."

I swallowed, then muttered, "More than you know."

Erin placed a hand on the back of my neck and pulled my face down to hers. Our lips touched as if it was the first kiss all over again, and then after a momentary pause to ensure that this was really happening, I placed my hands on the back of her head and kissed her harder. I could feel her tongue enter into my mouth and she was hungrily probing it while readily allowing me to do the same to her. Then she pulled me down further, until she was lying on the floor with me above her. I was kissing her with a freedom that she hadn't granted me before now, and it was wonderful, liberating. She rolled me onto my back and started to kiss my extended neck, and the fact that we were undoubtedly creasing my students' work was the last of my thoughts. I held her tight with my arms around her, running my hands up and down her back.

Then Erin looked me in the eyes with a very serious expression. "Take me to bed," she said.

I grinned widely, and rolled back on top of her. "I thought you'd never ask!"

I scrambled to my feet and pulled her up with me, the two of us again locking in a kiss. Then I took her hand, and led her upstairs to my bedroom. While we were going up the stairs the two of us were smiling excitedly. I couldn't help it, the thing that I had been afraid of never experiencing seemed to be happening at last. When we got to my room she pushed me back onto my bed, and climbed onto it so that she was straddling my body. I liked this direct, confident side of her. I reached up to her and brought her face down to mine so that I could kiss her once again. I couldn't get over how wonderful her lips felt against mine, and when our tongues touched it was like electricity.

My hands were on her waist, with my fingertips underneath the hem of her top, and this time she was not objecting to them venturing further. It felt very strange to suddenly have this licence to touch her as I'd longed to do, but in a delicious way. I ran my hands against the skin of her lower back, marvelling at the smoothness and softness of her skin. Beneath her clothes she was very petite, and felt quite delicate in my hands.

She sighed as I touched her, signalling her consent for matters to proceed. I ran my hands further up and then around so that they were on her stomach. Again, so soft. My palms then rested on her sides with my fingers just below her shoulder blades and my thumbs below her breasts. Now that I had her like this, I knew I was in no hurry to let go. She responded by taking hold of the bottom of her top and removing the garment over her head, revealing a purple bra encasing her beautifully formed breasts. Then she reached around to her back and released the bra, letting it fall away and revealing her breasts to me fully. I was transfixed. The sight of her, half naked, made me want to push her onto her back and ravish her, but I made myself wait, made myself allow her to dictate the pace.

Erin pulled my head up so that I was sitting up and my mouth was level with her nipples. I could not resist that, and gently took her right nipple between my lips. She gasped as I did so and I could feel it harden slightly in my mouth. I swirled my tongue around it and softly sucked it further, and as I did so I felt her place a hand on the back of my head and pull me in closer. While I toyed with her breast I looked up at her face, and she gazed down at me with a lust I had never dared hope for.

I broke off, and began to lick the skin around and underneath her breast; then I moved slowly to the other one, leaving a light trail where my tongue had made contact. I kissed her skin more urgently now, my own breathing quickening. I could feel that something was stirring between my legs, and my own lust was spurring me on. Sucking Erin's other nipple into my mouth, I ran my fingers though her hair and pressed myself against her as much as I could. Erin moaned and threw her head back, and I kissed my way up to her neck, marvelling at the taste and feel of her skin against my lips and tongue. I got to her chin and then our mouths met again and I kissed her deeply and fast, my breath now coming in gasps. As our tongues danced together I felt Erin pulling at the t-shirt I was wearing, and I raised my arms to allow her to lift it over my head and away. Then she worked at the clasp of my bra and after a moment's tugging, she got it free and that, too, came away. Erin looked down at my breasts, slightly smaller than her own, then back at my face and she smiled.

I was dying for her to touch them, my nipples were already hard and when she made the first direct contact it felt to me like little electric shocks. It was as though my nipples were wired directly to my clit, for it was also hardening with every move Erin made and I knew that I would not be able to hold back for long. She pushed me back down onto my back and started to kiss and suck my breasts in turn, and I could not stop the groans of pleasure escaping from my throat. Erin was evidently very skilled with her tongue and happy to demonstrate.

As I lay back and enjoyed the pleasure rushing through me, though, I had an overwhelming urge to be kissing, touching and tasting Erin further. It had been so long since I'd been with anyone at all, but she was particularly spectacular and I wanted to experience more. She was beginning to run her kisses down my stomach, but I rolled over and positioned myself above her. She willingly went along with this, and wrapped her arms around me when I lowered my body onto hers, our mouths and shoulders and breasts and stomachs now touching as we kissed again.

I started to kiss my way down the middle of her delicious body, and sent my hands down further to try and undo the buttons on her jeans. In this position it was awkward, and I was distracted anyway by what my mouth was doing, so I was pleased when she reached down and relieved me of that task. She undid her jeans and lifted herself off the bed to pull them down, and when I looked I saw that she had removed any underwear as well. Erin kicked her jeans down onto the floor, and I sank my torso between her parted legs as I kissed her belly button. I could immediately feel how wet she had become against my breast, and the musky scent of an aroused women filled my nostrils. My own wetness must have doubled at that moment, and I could see from Erin's expression that she was keen for me not to delay much longer.

Who was I to say no? I ran my tongue down the lower part of her stomach, kissed my way through her fine bush, and took her clit straight into my mouth. She cried out. I let my tongue wander a little lower and immersed it in the copious juices she was producing, savouring the taste and probing just inside her. Erin moaned further and writhed on the bed. I licked hard all around her opening and was rewarded with the production of more of her liquid pleasure.

"Please, Laura... suck on my clit."

Okay. I surrounded her hard clit with my lips and flicked my tongue across it once or twice, before closing the seal and sucking it into my mouth. Instantly Erin's groaning got louder and her movements greater – initially it was difficult for me to stay in place. Erin had her eyes closed and her mouth open; one hand was in my hair, ensuring that I wouldn't leave my present engagement. I sucked a little harder and her clit got a little bigger. My arms were under her thighs and I gripped her hips to give myself more leverage as I pushed my face more closely into the folds of her pussy. As Erin got closer to coming she started to buck against the bed, but every movement of hers moved my lips and tongue against her – she was riding my mouth now, rocking hard against me. My own body was going mad – I don't think I'd ever been as turned on as I was now.

For ten minutes I sucked and licked her clit, and throughout she got wilder and louder. Just before I thought my back was due to give out, Erin sat up, holding my head against her as I sucked, and screamed. Her thighs were wrapped so tightly around my head I couldn't even hear it properly, but I wondered if the neighbours were out. Her body was in spasm and I kept sucking as hard as I could as she came with such force.

And then she fell back onto the pillow, panting, and I rolled away onto my back, also gasping for breath. Not a word was said. Once I could summon the strength I moved myself up the bed so that I was lying next to her, and lay an arm across her. Erin looked at me and smiled widely. I grinned back. We didn't need to talk; we both knew what had just passed between us.

After a few minutes of quietly lying there, taking each other in, I felt Erin move against me. She tilted up her head and kissed my neck gently, exhaling as she did so. She ran her lips to the angle of my jaw, and left another kiss there, and I pulled her body closer to mine. I was partially exhausted, but also overwhelmingly excited and badly in need of some attention. Just with these soft kisses I was aware of my breathing quickening again, something evidently not lost on Erin. Her hand moved up my body to my breast and she rolled into me so that she was slightly above me. She was cupping my breast with her hand and lightly rolled my nipple between her thumb and forefinger as she did so, while continuing the little kisses on the skin of my neck. I extended my neck and closed my eyes, alive to nothing but the pleasure she was giving me.

I felt her adjust her position so that she was in a more dominant position over me, and I instinctively parted my legs. Erin placed her thigh between mine, and that teasing contact against my pussy was enough to arouse me further. She knew this, clearly, and grinned as her kisses moved down to my shoulder and the top of my chest. I hardly needed any further working up by now.

She must have known this too, as suddenly I felt her fingers at my sex. She applied a little pressure over the whole area at first, and I could tell that already I had drenched her hand. Then she deftly parted my labia and with the same fingers, thrusted inside me. I gasped loudly. She kissed me on the mouth, her tongue delving inside, and started to develop a rhythm with her fingers inside me. I was so open to her, and I felt her add another finger, probably a third. I couldn't get enough, and just wanted her to fuck me endlessly. My hands were gripping the pillow above my head, and I was crying out, a little louder with each thrust she made. The deeper she went, the more fantastic it felt.

Erin angled her hand in such a way that she was rubbing against my clit with every drive of her fingers. I was starting to arch my back and thrust myself downwards against her. I felt her meet my movements with even greater vigour and I was on the edge. It was only ever going to take seconds from this point, and indeed I could feel the muscles of my pelvis start to spasm as a huge orgasm started to crash through me. My shouts were getting higher and more repetitive as I ground against her hand and she maintained the force that was sending me to an internal paradise.

Then my whole body tightened, I screamed long and low, and then begged her to stop. Suddenly the climax was over and I had become so sensitive. She did, but stayed above me, kissing my belly that rose and fell with panting and was beaded with sweat.

Erin lowered herself so that her chin was just above my clit. I suspected her motives and was going to tell her that I was far too sensitive, when she smiled cheekily and kissed my labia so softly. I was amazed that it didn't make me leap off the bed but was in fact very pleasant. I relaxed and breathed slowly, and she kissed slightly more firmly, and used her tongue to find access to my clit. Again, somehow I could stand it. She made her tongue soft, and I just let myself enjoy it. Gently pushing against my clit with her tongue, she began to elicit further groans of pleasure from me, and I felt that something was building up again. My pussy was so very wet from before, but was adding further to this, and I could tell that things must be slippery. Erin held on to my hips and started to swirl her tongue around my clit, between my lips and against my opening, pushing just a little harder against me. My body met this and I was myself pushing to feel her even more. Every movement of her tongue or her lips felt amazing. The wetness from her mouth together with my copious cum was making for a delightful sensation. I just wanted to savour it.

My body had other ideas, however. It was so good, but it wasn't long before another orgasm was imminent. Erin must have sensed this, and started to focus more on my clit, alternating licking with some gentle suction. Again my body arched against her, and she held on tight as I began to lose control of myself. Waves of intense pleasure swept over me, I was entirely given over to what she was doing to my pussy. I was writhing around, not fully aware of anything but the feelings emanating from between my legs.

When it was over, she held me, and I held her, and at that moment I knew that nothing frightened me.

The following morning, we were in my kitchen as I fried bacon and eggs for two. The cold light of day had not dulled anything from the previous night.

"What I can't help but wonder," I said, "is why you persisted, at the beginning. After that blind date. I mean, I wasn't really that encouraging, was I, with that talk of never trusting people?"

Erin smiled. "You weren't actively discouraging me."

"I think, on some level, I was trying too. Maybe I was aware that otherwise I'd end up falling for you, and then I'd get hurt."

"Do you still think you'll get hurt?"

I thought for a moment. "I don't think I do. I suppose you can never tell. But I'm not afraid. How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me relaxed enough to, I don't know, trust you?"

"I just gave you time."

"But that might not have worked," I said, "I might have gone away from all of this instead."

Erin came up to me and kissed me. "I had faith. And I think you did too."

Maybe she was right.