Evil Is a Man

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

If you like what you're reading, let me know: SellarDhor@gmail.com. And let me know where you want the story to go and who you want Jake to end up with. And if you have any ideas for the future, let me know, I might include them.

JANUARY 12th

That morning, Syd's annoyingly thunderous cell phone ring woke me up well before dawn, even shut inside the closet. I waited it out, determined to go back to sleep. Annoyingly, after a minute or so of silence, it started to go off again.

I opened the closet door without getting up.

"Syd, answer your stupid phone," I grumbled.

"Mmm, Trixie," he moaned sexually in his sleep, completely unaffected.

"Yes, it could be Trixie I suppose, but you'll never know unless you answer it."

When the ringing stopped for the second time, I tried to fall asleep again, but it rang for a third time. I was so annoyed by the time it ended, I got up and stuck the phone on Syd's sleeping face, lining up the little speaker with his ear cavity. I noticed the two women were gone.

It was only a matter of time before the ringer started going off again, and this time when it started, he yelled and sat up in his bed, totally startled. He threw the phone angrily down on the phone as I laughed at him.

"I take it by yer smug little chuckles that you were responsible for waking me up that horrible way," he said.

"Maybe."

"How `bout you add this to the list of painful ways I don't appreciate being woken up by you," he said. He reached over to an open bottle of whiskey on his nightstand and drank about half the bottle in one gulp.

"Nothing is worse than being woken up by you molesting me," I said.

"Hey, I like to wake you up with a lil' lovin,' and you prefer to wake me up by stabbing a stake into my chest. Now, I may be way outta touch, but I'm pretty sure most sane folk would prefer the former. Now, unless you woke me up just now to tell me ya wanted to get screwed, I'm going back to dream land."

"Well, how about answering or turning off your phone first?" I said as it started to ring again.

"It doesn't bother me," he said, turning over in bed.

He was right; he fell back asleep as if the phone was playing a soothing lullaby, leaving me wide awake and annoyed. I knew even if I turned it off at this point, there'd be no more sleeping for me. I got up, pushed my settee back out of the closet, got dressed, and left the room, going into the mess hall as the morning light started to come into the mansion. I had a long breakfast and a lot of coffee while waiting the hour before I was scheduled to meet Cornelius that morning.

"So, that takes care of all the arrangements for the wedding reception, except for one major detail," Cornelius said towards the end of our morning session.

"Which is?" I asked.

"You have yet to tell me what band you want playing. I assume you've already made your selection?"

"Why, of course," I said, trying to come up with something fast. "Uh, Lettie's band will be playing."

"Lettie's band?" he asked, his eyebrow raised as he took a puff from his pipe. "She'll be one of your bridesmaids, as well as the band leader?"

"Yes, that's right," I said, already starting to regret my rash decision.

"Busy gal, Lettie always seems to be," he said, scribbling down new notes furiously. "Now, Meredith wanted to schedule a fitting with the groom at this time, but I got her to agree to a fitting later on, because it looks like it's almost time for the rodeo competition."

"Oh, I'd better go there straight away."

"Most of Mareshead will be watching anxiously in the stands, I'm sure."

"Great," I said, not liking the idea of having to perform those events in front of an audience, but figuring embarrassment or stage fright was the least of my worries. "Are you one of those that enjoys being a rodeo spectator?"

"I actually detest the sport, honestly. But I'm required to attend, I'm afraid."

"Oh, why is that?"

"Because I serve as your neutral rodeo official. Now, Mr. Groves, let me escort you to the rodeo grounds."

As soon we left the mansion out the east exit, I could see dozens of people on foot crossing the riding and practice grounds, all moving towards that rodeo arena in the far east side. "Not too many spectators, it seems," I said.

"These are the last stragglers. Most of them will already have scoped out their seats by now, Mr. Groves."

Because the arena was so far, we stopped at the stable. Polly got Curie ready while I saddled up Patches, petting him on the nose and giving him a little pep talk as I did. I ended up riding Patches and pulling Curie behind me, while Cornelius got his own horse and led me off. We rode towards the arena in the distance, with me being surprised how large the thing grew as we got closer.

"Welcome to the Mareshead Rodeo Corral," Cornelius said as we finally rode into the place.

It turned out that the stands only went around in a half circle. The other half was cut away, as the rodeo floor was so very large. We rode in through the open area, moving into the arena floor so suddenly, the crowds all popped into view at once.

Even with Cornelius's warnings, my mouth dropped. Thousands of people were in the stands, probably more people than were normally in Mareshead, meaning people had travelled here just for this event. The stands were all built of simple wooden design, with wooden benches for everyone, making the structure seem like nothing that would have been built in the last hundred years. The crowd was absolutely rowdy as heck, drinking, cursing, and fighting. I saw no sign of children in the stands, thank goodness.

There was just one little area that clearly was built as seats of honor, a little box that overlooked the rodeo with the best views in the house, and the interior of this box was decorated with animal hides. Jericho's grand seat was in the front and center of this box, and he was looking down at the proceedings with his usual vile contempt. Other members of the family were in the Logan box, including Glaucia and Giggles, but all of them were set far back from Jericho's lofty position.

The crowds paid us no heed as we entered the corral, just continued to be rowdy, and I couldn't have cared less. Cornelius led me to the center of the corral, where Arlene and Ryan were standing with their horses. We dismounted, and I nodded hello to my competitors, both of whom graciously smiled at me. I thanked the Lord that I'd be facing opponents that I had no cause to dislike, and that they seemed to be good sports about the whole deal.

I noticed Boyd standing on the rodeo arena floor with a lot of the other workers here. He waved to me, and then approached.

"Can I help you, Mr. Slade?" asked Cornelius, with a tone of voice that suggested he didn't like people hanging about.

"It's okay, Cornelius, he's serving as my coach today."

"I'll permit it, then."

Boyd hit my shoulder, smiling at me. I thought about what he had told me before about wishing it was him in the competition with me instead of Syd, and I very much agreed. Where was Syd, anyway?

"Does anyone need a primer on the competition rules?" Cornelius asked

"We're okay," said handsome, dark-haired Ryan.

"Jake could use it," Boyd said.

"We have seven events ready to go. Each event will result in one side winning or the other. That is, it doesn't matter how closely you may have lost an event. A loss is still a loss. Couples will take turns choosing which event they will play, and as always, the defending champions will get first pick. We will play until one side has four wins. If that means we go home without three of the events being played, then so be it. So, which event will we start with?" Cornelius asked.

"We thought we'd let Jake pick first, since it's his first time competing," Arlene said.

"What'll it be, Jake?" Cornelius asked me.

"Hmm." It was still too chilly to be comfortable naked, making me want to wait for any events that required nudity until later. And since Syd wasn't here, the choice was easy. "Pole Bending."

Cornelius picked up what seemed to be an electronic megaphone before I realized it was just a metal funnel. "Challengers pick Pole Bending," he yelled through it. The crowds actually booed that choice; apparently they had a thing against Pole Bending.

Ryan kissed Arlene quickly as the two separated.

Immediately, hundreds of humans poured into the arena grounds, changing over the space for the specified event. Poles were being erected and a line was drawn in the sand.

"Well, that's me," I said to Boyd. I watched Arlene, and kept by her, knowing she was my opponent, and she'd know when we were supposed to get on our horses.

I knew I couldn't get down on my knees and pray here without someone having a coronary, but I shut my eyes and said a little prayer, begging God for his help in letting me win that day. Normally, I detest it when athletes ask for God's help in their sporting events. It seemed plain wrong to ask God for something so trivial, like the people who prayed for their promotion at work, or who begged God to make someone they found attractive fall in love with them. I fully supported people who prayed before sporting events that there would be no injuries on either side of the field, but never to win games.

But this win had so much more significance to me than just a trivial game; it seemed prudent to pray for success.

"Where's Syd?" Arlene asked. "He's not going to forfeit, is he?"

"I'm right here, dearie," he said, riding into the corral on his horse, wearing his usual cowboy duds, nursing the same bottle of whiskey that had been on his nightstand that morning.

He got off his horse a bit clumsily and joined us.

"You've been drinking, haven't you?" I asked him.

"Course not," he said, taking a swig of whiskey.

"You'd better not be drunk, Syd."

"I just needed a little something to get me out of bed at the crack of dawn."

"It's late morning, Syd," I said.

"Sweetums, perhaps you have more important matters than criticizing my choice of breakfast beverage. Like, perhaps, riding in your event." He looked at my hand. "Yer all shakey. Jakey's all shakey, ha ha! I kill myself!"

"I'm nervous as I've ever been," I said.

Syd looked out at the crowd. "Stagefright, huh? There sure are a lot of people watchin.' Just imagine `em all naked. That shouldn't be too hard, you imagine me naked all the time."

"I don't have to imagine that, Syd. You so rarely put on clothes; I wonder how you remember what piece goes where. Besides, I'm not nervous because I have a fear of an audience, Syd. I'm nervous because of what is at stake here."

"Well, you'd better stop yer stupid existential brain from worrying about silly things like consequences, `cause yer up, and if ya don't get yer ass out there beside yer competitor, you're disqualified."

"I'm waiting here with Arlene," I said. "If she hasn't left yet, I'm sure I'm not late."

"Why are you waiting with me?" she asked me, confused. "You should get out there."

"But you're my competitor," I said.

"Wait a second, I think Jakey thinks you're a human, Arlene," Syd said.

Arlene laughed. "Does this look human to you?" She opened her mouth and showed me her very vampiric fangs popping out. Only then did I realize she was a special. "Ryan!" she shouted. "Jake thought I was the human, and you were the vampire, isn't that cute?"

It was only then that I noticed Ryan was already on horseback, lining up in the Pole Bending course.

"Jake, get out there!" Boyd said. "Break a leg!"

I got on Curie, and quickly rode towards Ryan, who was totally ready to go. Seeing big, handsome Ryan on his horse started to make me more anxious for some reason. Was it because I had been comforted before by the thought that I would be competing against a woman, and now my opponent was a strapping man? I scolded myself for having such sexist inclinations.

Ryan was already lined up facing the six poles that faced away from the stands, so that left me taking the starting point on the opposite side of the line as he was, looking at the six poles towards the audience. It was amazing how close we were in proximity to each other, just a couple feet away.

"Competitors get ready!" Cornelius shouted, and I took the opportunity to double check my saddle straps, my reins, and pat down Curie's mane.

"GO!"

I was shocked Cornelius yelled for us to start so quickly, and while Ryan took off immediately, crossing the line and moving towards the poles behind me, I took a second or two, and then started.

I stuck my heels into Curie's ribs, urging her to move as fast as I could. She started forward with an angry whinny. We crossed the start line and moved towards the first of the six poles ahead. I knew the first section of this course was to cruise past all of the six poles in a straight line to the right, which meant it was one of the few times I'd be doing a straight away. Speed was required here, so I pushed Curie as much as I could. Unfortunately, she only let me push her so much, and thrashed her head angrily at me at the same time. This was her time to shine, and she was just giving me attitude.

When I got close to the last pole, I started to slow Curie down. We passed the last pole and tucked into a sharp curve around it until we were facing the other side, then we weaved through that pole and the second to last pole, with the latter on my right. We went around the second to the last pole on the outside left, then weaved between it and the next pole, switching to the other side.

I thanked Boyd that I had this course down so well in my mind, just as I heard Cornelius shout, "You went the wrong way around that pole! Go back!"

I stopped my horse, confused. Then I saw Boyd on the sidelines pointing to Ryan, and I realized it was my opponent who had missed his course, not me. Elated, I kept riding.

At the pole closest to the start line, I pulled around it, circling all the way around until I was facing the stands again, weaving through the five poles in front of me. Finally, I got to the last pole, and I took Curie in a sharp curve to the right until we were facing the start line. This was another one of those long straight-aways, the longest, in fact, so I urged Curie to run hard. Once again, she fought back against me and refused. We passed all of the poles on this half of the course, and then we moved past the starting line, into the other half of the course.

I knew that if I had been tied with my opponent, he should have crossed that start line the same time that I had, but he was nowhere to be found. I flew past the six poles on this side of the course to my right, and then noticed Ryan was weaving along in the same direction I was headed through those poles. His messing up the course and needing to go back was seriously hurting his time.

I slowed down again, and spun Curie around the outside of the last pole, a move that almost caused her to buck me off her, but she finally consented. I almost collided with Ryan, who was weaving through the last two poles. I politely slowed down to avoid mutual injury, but he aggressively plowed through, seemingly positive I would stop so he could go. As he turned around the last pole and started into that long straightaway towards the line, he started slapping his horse's rump, making it go much faster than I ever could ever get Curie to go. Would that extra speed be enough for him to catch up to me?

I didn't have time to think about him, I had to focus on my time. I started weaving between the poles, making my way towards the finish line. When I got to that pole that was closest to the line, I spun around and wove through all of them again. But Curie was getting increasingly agitated and feisty.

Finally, as I left the last pole and turned to face my finish line, I had Curie run as hard as she would let me, knowing this was it. As I ran past those poles, I could see Ryan was also on his final straightaway, to my left and a way forwards, racing towards me. He clearly had made up a lot of time just by pushing his horse hard, and it was going to be close.

But I crossed the line before he did.

"The challenging couple wins!" Cornelius shouted to the crowd, and some of them started to clap, though most of them looked bored or indifferent.

I rode over to Boyd, totally overjoyed, and I jumped off the horse and hugged him.

"Good work, kid!" he said. "Except for the late start ya had, that was great riding ya did. Phenomenal way to start. Well, `cept for that darned horse of yers. She ain't workin' with you one bit."

"I know," I said. "I just can't deal with this horse. I would have been much faster if not for her."

Cornelius was motioning us all back to the center of the arena. "What's next?" he asked.

Arlene and Ryan, who looked a lot less happy than they did before the event, had a quick sidebar.

"Oops, look like I'm gonna need some more of this magic sauce," Syd slurred, throwing his empty bottle aside. He lit up a cigarette instead.

"We choose Bull Riding," Arlene said.

"Bull Riding!" Cornelius shouted, and all the workers started changing the course.

I started to panic, not recognizing that one at all. "What's that one?" I asked, starting to get annoyed that Boyd would forget to teach me one.

"It's the one event you don't have to do jack shit for," Syd said, pulling me aside.

"It's between you and Arlene?" I asked.

"Damn right. And it requires more balance outta me than any other event there is." He started to yell the next part in a drunken anger, loud enough for Arlene and Ryan to hear, "Don't think I don't goddamn realize that they picked this one `cause they knew I wasn't my most sober right now."

"Syd, please tell me you're not too drunk for this."

"I told ya before, Jakey, I ain't get whiskey dick when I'm drunk."

"What does that have to do with this event? I hope they don't mean THAT kind of riding when they say Bull Riding. Bestiality is wrong, Syd."

"Don't be an idiot, Jakey," he said. "What I clearly meant was, I'm not too drunk right now to take ya behind the stands and screw the living daylights outta yer ass. And if I can do that at this level of intoxication, I can damn well ride a bull, too."

The workers had closed off a rather small portion of the arena into a fenced off space. I noticed that under the stands, there were two large passages that were clearly meant for livestock. Two bulls were being loaded into these shafts and pinned against the front gate.

"Time to fly," Syd said.

Syd and Arlene both approached their bulls and started to climb on the animals, which were safely pinned in on all sides, unable to move.

I walked up to Boyd. "I thought bull riding involved just one rider at a time?"

"Not with vampires," he said. "And unlike normal riding, where people are timed and scored, these two just go until one of `em falls off."

"How long does that take?"

"Well, these are actually boosted bulls, so they're way stronger and meaner than the normal kind. Otherwise this event could last for hours."

"Competitors get ready!" Cornelius shouted again, and this time, more people in the stands were paying attention. "GO!"

The bulls were both released into the enclosure at the same time, and both of the animals started bucking and jumping around at what appeared to be super-powered speeds. I would have certainly been knocked off instantly, but both Syd and Arleen remained on their animals.

I figured Syd would have fallen off due to his drunkenness, but he stayed put, and he even had one of his Marlboro's between his lazy lips. He raised his hat off his head and waved it around, which absolutely made me crazy, serving no purpose but being reckless.

"One minute!" Cornelius announced.

"I thought they weren't being timed?" I asked Boyd.

"They aren't, but once a minute passes, they're allowed to rope."

"Rope what?"

"Each other."

I saw Arlene had her rope ready as soon as Cornelius yelled that a minute had passed, and she pulled it up and started to spin it over her head. She threw the lasso at Syd, but her bull took a sharp turn right when she did it, causing her aim to be off. The rope landed harmlessly on the dirt, and she started to pull it back in.

"My turn," Syd said cockily. He grabbed his rope, spun it overhead, and then threw it in her direction.

Syd's rope landed around Arlene's neck, and he pulled it tight, creating a noose.

I gasped. "Is she going to be okay?"

"She's a special vampire, Jake, of course."

The rope around her neck didn't throw her off, but she dropped her own rope and raised her hands to the one around her neck, trying to get it loose while at the same time balancing on her bull.

Syd continued to pull the rope, and she eventually looked like she was going hazy. She stumbled, and fell off the bull onto the ground.

"The challenging couple wins!" Cornelius shouted, and this time, a lot of people cheered. I guess they liked the violence this event offered, and they seemed to support Syd.

The vampires pushed the bulls back into their cages, and Ryan ran in to help Arlene. Thankfully, she seemed totally fine when he helped her to her feet.

"Challengers choose the next event," Cornelius said once all of us had reformed around him.

"Jakey?" Syd asked.

"Heading and Heeling," I said, still not eager to take my clothes off, and knowing that was the only event Syd and I practiced together.

"Heading and Heeling!"

The workers started widening the existing fence until they had quite a large enclosure, then they started loading in non-boosted bulls in through the livestock channels.

"How long does this event go?" I asked Boyd.

"There are seven bulls in there," he said.

"Boy, someone sure likes the number seven," I said.

"Jericho, I'm sure. When the first team has taken down four of the bulls, the event is over."

Boyd handed me my satchel full of ropes, and I attached it to the side of Patches's saddle. I mounted my horse just as Syd was mounting his.

"What are ya doin' riding the big ugly horse, Jakey?" Syd asked. "This event's supposed to be done with the smaller horse again."

"I just can't deal with Curie. Is it against the rules for me to use this one?"

"Not technically, but if we lose cause of yer huge, lumbering horse, then I will be pissed."

"We won't lose because of Patches."

They made Syd and I line up at the eastern gate to the bull pen, with Arlene and Ryan on the western gate.

"Competitors get ready!" Cornelius shouted . "GO!"

With that, the workers pulled open both gates. Syd swept through into the bullpen first, and I followed. Immediately, I could feel the burden of having to steer an animal so drastically larger than Curie. But though Patches was certainly the largest Clydesdale I had seen, he was still very nimble for his size. Also, he seemed to have an almost telepathic understanding of my desires, following every body-cue I made with utmost precision. It was just as Parker said would happen when I picked out a horse, and clearly Parker had helped me pick out the right one.

Across the cage, I could see Arlene and Ryan moving into the pen as well. The workers quickly shut us in by closing the gates behind us.

This time, when Syd started riding towards the first bull, I followed him closely behind, not wanting to make the same mistake I had made in practice. It seemed like only mere seconds before Syd had that first one around the head with his rope, and he started to pull the beast towards him.

I knew this was my cue; I pulled Patches behind the bull, and then pulled out my rope. I almost made the mistake of letting the rope go too soon, but remembered Parker's advice, and waited until the bull started to kick. As soon as he did, I threw the lasso underhanded towards the animal's hindquarters, and I blissfully met my target.

I pulled hard, excitedly entrapping the animal's feet.

"Alright, pull!" Syd yelled, and the two of us pulled our ends of the rope until the bull fell over onto the ground.

"One point for the challengers!" shouted Cornelius.

I dropped my rope, and started driving Patches to follow Syd towards the next nearest animal.

Syd had the bull by the head and I was just pulling out my rope when we heard Cornelius shout, "One point for champions!"

I roped the bull's feet, we pushed him over, and then we heard, "Two points for the challengers!"

Syd and I started off towards the third bull. This one, it turned out, was particularly ornery. It moved in to gore Patches, giving me quite a shock.

"Back, Jakey!" Syd yelled, and I scooted Patches to the rear.

"I'll let you take this one first," I said.

As Syd moved forward, the bull jumped around furiously, almost seeming psychotic in his behavior. "Screw this," Syd said.

He started moving towards another nearby bull instead, one that looked a lot more demure.

"Two points for champions!"

Syd easily roped the demure bull, and I moved in behind it. This one was so relaxed, however, he wasn't fighting back and kicking his hind feet out, which meant it was very hard for me to rope.

Syd seemed to realize this and compensated by pulling hard with his rope in order to make the animal struggle. Finally, I was able to get the legs roped, and we got the bull on the ground.

"Three points for the challengers! One more to win!"

The bulls were starting to get in short supply, and it seemed like Arlene and Ryan were stuck trying to handle the Norman Bates bull that we had abandoned. Syd moved us towards the last bull, but it would require us to pass in front of Arlene and Ryan.

"Honey, they are going to get their last point!" Ryan shouted to Arlene. "No point in messing with this bull, let's just try to run interference!"

"Yes, on it!"

Arlene and Ryan both pulled their horses away from the angry bull and moved in to intercept us. It worked, they cut off our path to the bull Syd was after, and they blocked the way.

"Let's just go back and get the angry bull," I said, knowing that was the only other bull left in the pen.

"Oh, alright," Syd said, and he turned towards the angry bull, but just when Ryan and Arlene let their guard down, Syd spun his horse around, and started charging them. I swore he would collide with them and knock all of them off their horses, but he slipped through the small space between the two partners, pushing at both their sides with his legs and elbows. It was a bold, aggressive, dangerous tactic, but it worked. The crowd went wild when he did that.

Before they could even recover, Syd had his rope around the head of the bull. "Now all that's left is you, Jakey!" he shouted.

With Arlene and Ryan both turning to try and stop Syd, it left me room to run around them and to the backside of the animal. Syd yanked the bull's head aggressively, forcing it to kick, and I threw my rope, entwining the feet of the animal perfectly.

We pulled, and the animal went down.

"Another win for the challengers!" Cornelius yelled. The Syd-loving crowd cheered.

"Couldn't have been better!" Boyd said to me as I dismounted after I left the bullpen.

"Once again, Jakey, yer damn lucky you have such a stud for a partner," Syd bragged. "We are killing these losers!"

"We just need one more," I said.

"We got this, easy."

"Champions turn to pick the event!"

"Oh, I don't know," Arlene said. "But might as well just leave the bulls out. Bull Wrestling."

"Bull Wrestling!" yelled Cornelius.

There was a whole lot of cheering from the audience. This time, no changes were made to the arena. Syd and I moved again towards one gate, while Ryan and Arlene moved towards the opposite side.

"Yes! This is MY event, Jakey," Syd said, pounding his fist into his hand happily. "Parker may have been the better roper, but those events are so goddamn boring. This was always my favorite by far. Everyone in the stands knows how fucking terrific I am at this. Let's face it, this is the only reason they came to watch. To see me put on a show. Arlene should have never picked this one, the fool."

"Okay, terrific," I said. "Let's make this our last event, then."

Syd started ripping off his shirt, which confused me at first. "What's wrong. Jakey, `fraid of the cold?"

"Oh yeah, nudity is required for this." I glumly started to remove my clothes and fold them neatly, until I was naked.

"You better believe it. People goddamn loved watching me do this event back when it was done clothed. But everyone loves me all the better when I'm naked," he said. "Understandable."

He faced the audience, kicked of his boots, and threw down his pants. The crowd went wild, especially the women, and he soaked it up. "Yee-haw!" That's when I noticed the something that made me wrinkle my nose.

"Syd, did you forget one important part of getting up in the midst of your drunken stupor?"

He looked down at himself, and then saw that he still had a condom on. "I'll take care of that in short order," he said. He faced the crowd, then swiveled his hips around, sending his massive, soft unit flying around in circles, rotating like a massive hand on a clock. Finally, the semen filled condom flew off, and came flying through the air, right towards...

...me! I tried to sidestep it, but I was too late, the thing hit me right in the face and absolutely exploded all over me, covering my whole head and naked body in glaze, a good portion getting in my mouth. I pulled the remnants of the condom off forehead as quickly as possible, throwing it to the ground.

Syd hooted and hollered, and the fans went crazy. "Oops, sorry Jakey."

"You so did that on purpose!" I yelled.

I tried as best I could to wipe off the disgusting liquid, while Syd danced around. When people cheered even more, he put his boots back on, stuck his hands up on his cowboy hat, and thrust his hips back and forth, mimicking humping. "Oooh-yeah!" he yelled, and the women were hysterical.

Nobody had cared when I finished undressing, or Arlene and Ryan on the other side, because no one else was making such a show out of it. As soon as I put my shoes on, I noticed Boyd approaching us. Unlike the crowd, Boyd was totally disinterred in Syd, but his eyes were pleasantly locked on my nakedness.

I pulled Patches forward and got on.

"Come on Syd," I said as he continued to put on a manly display for the crowds. "Arlene and Ryan are already ready to go."

Syd climbed up on the horse behind me. He got awful cozy with me awfully fast, pushing his naked front against my naked back.

"Syd, please tell me why your hands are all over my body, and I can feel your penis resting in my crack?."

"Hey, darlin,' if yer gonna be riding with my pants off, yer gonna feel my huge pecker all over ya, there's no preventing that. And I'm just holding onto you so I don't fall off, Jakey."

"We haven't even started yet!" I said, pushing him back off of me.

"Hey, Jakey, did ya forget somethin?' We're supposed to be a happy pair of lovers. If you do anything to make them suspect you don't love me as much as we been sayin,' none of this matters. And we have more suspicious eyes on us now than we ever had before."

The awful part was, I knew he was right. "Ugh, I hate you!" I whispered.

"Oooh, but I love you ever so much." He cozied up to me just like before, and even proceeded to give the side of my face a long lick. It was so, so gross, but I couldn't make him stop.

"Competitors ready!" Cornelius shouted.

Syd slapped me on the side of the head. "We are gonna rock this one."

"GO!"

The attendants again opened up gates, and I pushed my heels into the Patches's ribs, moving him into the bull pen. Right away, I could feel the odd difference riding Patches with Syd also weighing me down felt.

Across from us, on the other side of the bullpen, I could see naked Ryan riding a Clydesdale, with Arlene holding on behind him. They were moving towards one of the bulls nearby.

Okay, there were seven bulls in the pen here, which meant this would be another one of those where the first team to take down four would win.

There were two bulls that were about the same distance from us, and one was clearly the larger of the two, so I went for him.

"Whadya doin?'" Syd complained. "They like to see me take down the big ones!"

"Well, too bad, I'm the one steering here, Syd."

He reached around me and tried to grab the reins. "Not for long."

"Syd, you're not allowed to steer in this event. Please stop if you don't want to get us disqualified."

He settled down, and I headed for the smaller bull. Not surprisingly, it started to run as I approached it, so I used what I had learned in practice to keep the horse close behind it.

I felt the weight of the horse lessen and shift dramatically, and when I looked to my left, I saw Syd was already on the bull, as his fans in the audience cheered at whatever jump I had missed. I stopped the horse.

He was riding the bull, and unlike Boyd, who had just taken the bull down quickly in practice, Syd was hamming it up, waving his hat back and forth. And then he actually threw it upwards, making it flip and spin around in the air, then pushing the bull perfectly to catch the hat on his head. Of course, the crowd went nuts for him.

"One point for the champions!" yelled Cornelius, and I looked quickly to see that Arlene had just wrestled down her first beast on the other side of the pen.

"Syd, come on!" I yelled.

He finally tripped the bull and wrestled it to the ground. He stood up defiantly when he got it to submit, his boot digging into the animal, and he waved his hat in a wave as the crowd cheered.

I knew what came next; I was supposed to ride fast past Syd just like Boyd had taught me, and he'd jump on the back as I zipped us towards the next animal. I picked out our next bull, leaned forward, and pushed my heels into Patches, aiming to pass Syd just to my right.

I passed Syd expecting to have him jump on. Instead, he just stood there and looked annoyed as I plowed right past him. The crowds started to boo, and I realized they were booing at me.

I spun the horse around as quickly as I could and came back to where Syd was standing, this time coming to a stop.

"Jakey, what the hell was that?" Syd asked. "I know ya want to finish the rest of this event without me, but it's against the rules."

"I wasn't trying to leave you, it's just that Boyd and I worked out a move where I just ride by, and he jumps on the back."

"Well, just `cause you learned something from Boyd George over there ain't gonna mean shit with me."

"It's actually Boyd Slade. His last name is Slade, not George."

"Oh, kill me now with you and the pop-culture jokes," he said. He started to climb on the horse behind me. "Look, we'll just have to make them all think that it was all part of the show."

"What show?" I asked. "This isn't one of your crappy concerts, Syd."

He ignored me. Instead, once he sat back on the saddle behind me, he started making this mock look on his face of exaggerating, cartoonish anger. Then he said, "Naughty boys need to be spanked!" loudly so everyone could hear.

He pulled my butt up off the saddle and into the air, and he started to spank me. Everyone started to cheer, and it was absolutely mortifying. But I couldn't take the time to be angry, instead I rode hard towards the next bull as he continued to spank me.

As soon as I was chasing down the bull, Syd surprised me by sticking his boots on my bare shoulders, and standing up on top of me, clearly doing some sort of trick. I could feel his soft unit lying on the top of my head. People started to cheer as he held his balance, but with me being totally unaware that he would even try something like that, my balance shifted, and I accidentally pulled the horse away from the bull.

"Jakey, yer supposed to keep close!" Syd snapped.

"I'm trying! It somehow was a lot easier to steer when I didn't have an extra two hundred pounds on my shoulders!" I looked up at him angrily, but that was a mistake, because it only meant I got a face full of his penis.

"That's okay, there's another one!" he said, and I realized that I had accidentally headed in the direction of another bull.

"Champions have two!" said Cornelius.

He leapt off my shoulders, which hurt terribly, did a cartwheel through the air, and landed on the back of the bull, with gasps and then claps from the audience. He grabbed the bull by the horns and squeezed his legs around the bull's ribs.

Then, instead of just taking the animal down like a normal person, Syd noticed that Arlene and Ryan were riding close by, and he somehow steered the bull towards their horse. I had no idea what he was trying to do, so I had no choice but to follow him on horseback.

He had the bull ram towards their horse, spooking it and sending it flying out of the way, almost knocking of Ryan in the process. The crowd erupted into laughter and applause.

When Syd started to wrestle the bull, the crowd cheered again when he grabbed the poor bull by the balls and used that hold to force it into submission.

"Challengers have two!"

Syd jumped up into the saddle behind me, I chose another bull, and started to ride towards it. I could see nearby Arlene leaping onto their third bull, and I got anxious. I shifted my weight forward, sticking my butt in the air to signal to Patches that we needed to go fast, and he thankfully followed my instruction.

Obnoxiously, Syd used the opportunity my position provided him to grab my hips with his hands, pull my backside more into the air, and then stick his brazen tongue along my buttcrack. Before long, he was molesting my hole with his mouth.

Once again, as the crowd cheered, I was horribly humiliated, but I tried to focus on the task at hand.

"Champions have three! One more!"

I started to panic when I heard that.

As I continued towards the bull, I could feel Syd's teeth were out, excitedly, and his tongue was just getting more aggressive on my hole.

"Syd, you have a bull to wrestle!" I yelled when we were chasing it down.

He stood up on the saddle behind me, and when he did, it was so clear to everyone that he was sporting a major erection. Ladies cheered, and he stroked himself a few times in the audience's direction.

"Get on the bull, Syd!" I said.

He jumped off the saddle, did two back flips, which looked really weird with his dick sticking out, and landed on the bull. Once again, the crowd loved it.

Finally, he wrestled it to the ground.

"Challengers have three!"

Syd jumped back behind me on the horse, and this time, as he held onto my body, his hard dickhead was practically penetrating my hole, which he was doing nothing to prevent. But I didn't have time to get offended; we had an event to win. I looked around until I saw the last bull left, and shot out towards it.

But Ryan steered their horse right in front of mine, cutting us off and almost causing a collision. Arlene jumped down onto the bull on the other side.

"Take him down!" Syd urged, clearly wanting me to try to push his horse out of the way, but it was too late.

"The champions win!" shouted Cornelius, and the crowds started to boo. At first, I figured they were booing Ryan and Arlene, but I soon realized they were pissed off at me.

As soon as we were outside the pen, I got off the horse, wanting to be free of Syd's intrusive touch. I was all kinds of angry. Before long, Syd was on the ground too, walking behind me towards Cornelius.

"Hey, don't let the crowd get you down, Jakey," he said. "So you sucked huge Syd-like balls this time. Next time you'll do better."

"What?! I sucked balls?! You wasted all of our precious time doing useless tricks and showing off to the crowds like a stupid peacock! If you had been all business, we would be going home right now!"

"We may have technically lost the event, true, but ya know what I accomplished? I got us an emotional win. Got the crowd on our side. Got them eatin' out of my hand."

Oh, it was infuriating baloney. "I'm sorry, I must be some sort of moronic Neanderthal. Somehow I can't understand why winning the crowd's favor is more important for us in winning this competition than actually winning this competition is. I must be simpleminded."

"Listen, yer goddamn new to this sport, so I ain't gonna hold it against you if you have trouble understanding the intricate inner workings of its mechanisms."

"Oh yeah, because between the two of us, you're the one who is way more into sports than I am."

We reached Cornelius, so the arguing had to come to an end. "Challenger's turn to pick the event," he said.

I thought about what was left. Axe Throwing, which was so awful, I couldn't imagine any respectable person ever choosing it unless it came down to the tie breaker. Flag Pulling was totally ridiculous. That left Calf Roping, and I knew that's what I'd be choosing.

"Flag Pullin,'" Syd said, just as I started to talk.

"FLAG PULLING!" Cornelius yelled, and all the workers started to move the bulls out of the arena and started erecting poles and ropes.

"Why'd you pick Flag Pulling?" I asked.

"Because it's harder for women to be on the bottom in that one," he said. "And I got a killer secret weapon."

They fenced the flag course off, and I realized that once again, the two couples would be entering on two different sides. I could see Arlene and Ryan already getting on their horse, and as Syd and I approached Patches, one of the workers tied rope around Syd's wrists, locking his hands behind his back. I was amazed that Syd was still able to climb up on the rear portion of the double saddle without any help. As he took his position, I reflected how odd he looked. He was actually dressed in what I had come to realize was his favorite outfit: nothing but his cowboy hat and boots. His dick had never gone down since the end of the last event and was pointing up towards the sky, his hefty balls resting on the leather saddle.

I started to climb up on the horse as well, my dick not the least bit hard.

"Jakey, yer gettin' up on the horse backwards, just like ya did the first time ya rode, `member?" he reminisced. "Maybe ya knew what you were doin' all this time."

I sat backwards on the saddle, facing Syd.

"That's not gonna cut it, Jakey, they have strict rules about you not sitting on the saddle."

"I know that," I snapped.

I moved in closer to him, wrapping my legs around his hips. I could feel his huge hardness against my stomach.

"No, Jakey," he said. "Grab my cock and stick it beneath you. That way it helps support you."

I did as he asked, grabbing his unit, somehow managing to push it down so it was laying on the saddle, then sitting on top of it. "Please tell me that's not what you meant when you bragged about your secret weapon in this event."

"Course it is," he said. "When has any secret weapon I mentioned not involved my red-blooded texas cock?"

But the truth was, Syd's dick was so hard and so huge, it WAS helping me. I had my legs wrapped around him, my whole front leaning against his body, and my hand clutching onto his ripped back. Having something to put my weight on, making sure my butt didn't hit that saddle, it made me feel more stable.

"Competitors ready!" Cornelius shouted. "GO!"

The workers pulled open both gates simultaneously; Syd squeezed his thighs, sending Patches trotting into the course. There were red flags hanging everywhere above us; unfortunately, there were only so many hanging low. Syd rode us towards one of the nearby ones.

"Wait a second," I said. "What if we saved the easy ones for after we're done with our first six? That way we'll have the easy ones left for when our position changes, after it gets much harder for us."

"Jakey, that may be the smartest idea you've had in years." He shifted his riding towards one of the hard ones.

"Goodness, I hope not."

In the distance, I could see Ryan grab one of the first low hanging flags, and I knew they were ahead.

Syd positioned the horse beneath one of the higher up flags, and shifted his position so that his knees and shins were on the saddle, lifting me into the air enough for me to grab our first flag and drop it to the ground.

As Syd started to ride us towards the second flag, I said, "Wait a second, this strategy could end up backfiring big time. Syd, abort it. Just go the normal strategy."

"What the hell, Jakey? Why?"

"Just trust me here!"

"Nope, ya gotta trust yer first instinct, Jakey. Stop second guessing yourself."

He took me to another flag that was higher up, and lifted me up to grab it. "Syd, this is stupid!" I said as I noticed Ryan and Arlene getting closer to us, watching us as they started pulling down their third flag.

By the time we were heading towards our fifth flag, Ryan an Arlene already had their first six.

"Champions halfway there!" yelled Cornelius as Ryan started to flip around so he was facing forward.

After we got our fifth high up flag, it became clear to me that Ryan and Arlene were heading towards the low hanging easy flags that Syd and I had saved on our side of the course.

"Fuck that, them's our flags!" Syd yelled angrily.

"They can go wherever they want, Syd. This is exactly what I meant when I told you to forgo the plan."

Syd rode towards one of the low hanging ones, and I grabbed it.

"Challengers halfway there!" yelled Cornelius, and the crowd cheered some.

Syd stopped the horse, and I spun around so that I was sitting forward, balancing my shoes in the front of the saddle, and leaning back against Syd's bare upper body. Once again, because of his state of arousal, his unit was lifting me up by my crack, proving some extra balance, letting me be comfortable with a little more speed than I had been when I had practiced with Boyd.

By the time I had the seventh flag, Ryan pulled down his tenth one, and that was it for the low hanging flags, they had stolen all of ours. Both Arlene and Syd rode towards nearby higher up flags.

Syd had to stop and boost me up again for me to grab that flag, and though Syd and I had it sooner than Arlene and Ryan got theirs, they were just too far ahead for us to do anything about it, and soon they had eleven flags.

Syd started moving towards our next flag, and Arlene and Ryan started moving towards theirs. All of the sudden, as Arlene and Ryan passed nearby, I felt the horse take a sudden sharp turn to the right towards them, and I almost fell off. Next thing I knew, Syd was barreling down towards their horse. I thought he just meant to scare them, but I was wrong; he collided our horse with theirs.

The hit was so hard and I wasn't at all prepared for it, I ended up got knocked off of the horse to the left, and I had to frantically grab onto the saddle to keep myself from falling to the ground.

"Challengers are disqualified!" Cornelius said, as I clearly was out of position.

The awful part was, I saw Ryan fall off the horse and land gracefully on the ground just a split second later. If I had somehow managed to hold on a little longer, Syd's plan might have worked.

"Great going, Jakey, ya got us disqualified!" Syd said as we both climbed off the horse.

"I got us disqualified?! You're the one who decided to turn our poor horse into a battering ram!"

"It was the only ploy we had left to play. And it would have worked if ya had just held on."

Cornelius was calling us back towards him, so we headed in that direction.

"Well, if you wanted me to hold on, perhaps you should have thought to warn me of your sudden change in strategy!"

"It should have been obvious, Jakey. What else was I gonna do in the position we were in?"

"Wait, you didn't even tell me you causing a dangerous collision was even one of your possible moves in your repertoire, so how on Earth was I ever going to guess?"

"Champions pick the next event," Cornelius said to the four of us.

Arlene and Ryan had another quick sidebar. "Axe Throwing," Ryan said, and I cringed.

"AXE THROWING!"

The workers emptied the pen of bulls, and started to erect a wall that faced the crowd. I saw them start to carry out four different human shaped bullseye targets, all of them shaped differently. They propped these up against the wall, then drew the two chalk lines in the sand, one fifteen feet back from the targets, and the other thirty. They brought out a trunk full of axes and set one at each line.

"The turn order has been randomly selected," Cornelius said. "Syd will throw first, followed by Arlene, then Jake, and Ryan will go last."

"Oh great, that means I'm the first to possibly get chopped to death," I said to Syd as both of us walked towards the targets.

"Don't worry, Jakey, I'm a good thrower, and I'm a lot less drunk than before," Syd said. "I won't kill ya. And if I cut ya some, all the better, `cause I'll just have to come over and lick the wound shut."

"Oh, that's very comforting, thanks Syd."

He winked and walked towards the far line.

My heart started to race as I walked over to the four targets, trying to guess which one was mine. One was smaller with clearly feminine curves, so I knew that must have been Arlene's. One was taller and thicker than the others, so I knew that had to be Syd's. The other two were about the same height, but one was broader. I knew Ryan was more muscular than I was, so I walked towards the skinnier one.

I put my back against the target, spreading my legs and putting my arms up. I knew the back of my hands had to be on the board, with my fingers spread wide apart. Looking around at my body, it was eerie how well this target fit me. It chillingly reminded me of lying in my future coffin.

My heart only raced faster and faster once I was in position. I so wanted to just shut my eyes, but I knew I was annoyingly required to lock my eyes with Syd's, which I did. Looking at him standing all the way back there, it made me scared just how far back thirty feet really was. He was standing there, in just boots and hat, holding one of his axes. In no way did I trust him to throw it at me at all.

I tried to forget all that and remind myself that I was here fighting for my loved ones. There was a lot at stake here, and I—

My thoughts were rudely interrupted by the realization that Syd's axe was flying towards me. I didn't have time to brace myself, and when it hit the board right next to my chest on the left, I couldn't help but jump.

"Three points," Cornelius said. "Or, it would have been, if Mr. Groves hadn't moved. No points for this round. Next up, Arlene."

"Jakey, what the hell was that?" Syd asked angrily.

"You didn't even tell me you were about to throw!" I snapped.

"No other partner I threw at before needed me to warn them of the goddamn obvious," Syd said. "Hey, guess what, yer on a goddamned human dartboard, why would you ever think maybe someone would throw something at ya?

"Well, I need the warning, Syd."

Syd and I walked off to the side, and Arlene took her place at the thirty foot line, while Ryan propped himself up on the target. It was the first time I had really gotten a good look at him naked; he was quite good looking, with muscles that were still impressive in spite of them not being so lean. His manhood was medium sized and attractive.

"I hate doing this," Arlene complained.

"I know yer not gonna hit me, babe," Ryan said. "I have confidence in you."

"I ain't got much in myself," she said.

She threw the axe without much authority, and as it zoomed towards Ryan, I clenched my jaw and prayed that he wouldn't be hurt. But the axe ended up just barely making it inside the target, landing on the white and yellow to his far right.

"One point!" Cornelius said.

Ryan looked disappointed in his wife. "Don't look at me like that," she said. "I don't want to risk you, and we're still ahead, in any case."

"Jake's turn to throw!"

Arlene and Ryan moved to the side, and I walked to the fifteen foot line while Syd meandered over to his target.

"You're not allowed to smoke during this event, Mr. Logan," Cornelius said.

"Aw, seriously?" He spit his Marlboro into the dust.

I grabbed an axe, took a step back until I was seventeen feet back from the target, and starting lining up my shot.

"Jakey, ya tryin' to make it harder for you?" Syd asked.

"This is my sweet spot," I said to him.

"That's what you were shouting to me last night when my huge dick was pummeling the hell outta yer prostate."

I ignored that comment. Knowing he would call me a hypocrite if I did otherwise, I warned him I was going to throw. I reached my arm back, and then brought the axe forward, released and followed through.

The axe hit the area to the left of Syd's chest, and I swore the axe blade landed in the 4-point red section, and I was so pleased with myself.

"Three points!" Cornelius said, shocking me.

"I thought red was four points," I said.

"It is," he said. "You're in the orange as well."

I actually had to walk up to the target until I could make out the tiny sliver of orange that my axe blade had breached. I guess these vampires really had some great vision.

As soon as I switched spots with Ryan and Syd with Arlene, she started to plead with him, "Don't worry none `bout hurting me, babe. You know anything that you don't cut off will just heal."

Knowing that to be true, when Ryan threw his axe towards Arlene, it made me decisively less nervous than when I had watched the reverse happen earlier. Ryan ended up landing the axe in a similar part of the target that I had, only his blade was sloppily embedded in more of the orange.

"Three points," Cornelius said. "After the first round, Champions are ahead four to three."

Syd did not look pleased as he took his position on the far line, grabbing an axe. I gulped and pulled myself back over to my target, getting into position.

Syd put his hands around his mouth in order to project his voice. "I'm going to throw it!" Syd yelled louder than he needed to, clearly belittling my request.

I concentrated on keeping my eyes locked on Syd's and my body in its spread-open position. But when the axe landed just under my left arm, I jumped. I hoped Cornelius hadn't' noticed.

"That throw is nullified!" he shouted, and the stands gasped.

Syd looked at the stands. "This is not unusual," he announced to them. "He's never been able to have someone throw at him without him bouncin' around like a jackrabbit."

I realized Syd was trying to make a plausible explanation for what would appear to outsiders to denote a lack of trust towards my fiancé.

"No he ain't," Boyd piped up, loud enough so the crowd could hear. "I got the guy to trust me in practice. He's fully capable of being thrown at, I assure you." For once I was annoyed at Boyd for telling the truth, though I realized that Boyd had no idea that there was more at stake in our engagement than just what he assumed to be a dubious pairing.

Syd looked at Boyd quite angrily, though it was well masked. "Thanks for the purdy little tip there, Boy," Syd said. "We'll keep that in mind."

I got off the target and walked to the sidelines.

Cautious Arlene scored just another single point for her team when it was her turn to throw, and then I found myself at my line again, staring at Syd's body in front of me. They were ahead by two points, but I knew I could count on Arlene for one more, and Ryan for at least five. I couldn't count on myself for trusting Syd enough for him to score, so that meant I alone would have to do excellently in my last two throws, or we would lose.

It was time to make some tough choices. Instead of my last shot, which had been as close to Syd's body without risking injury, I would need to risk harm to him in order for us to win this. Was I willing to hurt Syd in order to save my family? Yes, I was, I decided.

The two areas that would most obviously easily give me five points were around the black areas surrounding his fingers as well as his penis. Was it worth severing one of Syd's fingers permanently in order to win this? What about his penis? I just wasn't sure. If I cut off anything, I wasn't sure if Syd would continue to compete in later rodeo competitions.

Instead, I focused on the black space just next to his thighs. I knew there was no way my axes were large enough to sever a leg. I lined up my shot, then said, "I'm about to throw, Syd."

I let the axe handle fly out of my hand, and it soared through the air, landing just where I had intended. Unfortunately, a bit of the blade was sticking in the red.

"Oow!" Syd yelled out.

"Four points!" Cornelius said.

Syd jumped off the target and put a hand to his bleeding thigh. "Goddamn, that hurt, Jakey! Why'd ya have to go and do me like that?"

"You'll be fine," I said. "Your skin heals quickly."

"But not my dignity," he said.

I laughed at him. "I can't wound something you've never had."

"Good point."

Ryan took his turn on the line, with Arlene back on the board. But Ryan wasn't as willing to endanger his partner as I was. He ended up getting just three points again.

"At the end of the second round, champions ahead, eight to seven!"

Syd pulled me aside. "We can't afford to lose my next throw! Both in terms of points, and more importantly, in the suspicious eyes of all these people!"

"I know."

"So you'd better get Mr. Jumpy under control, right quick."

"I'll try, but it isn't something that comes easy."

"How'd you get it to work with Boyd George?"

"Well, he sort of hugged me until I grew comfortable with him."

Syd laughed. "So, he pulled a Parker. I can do that too, I can do Parker. Aww, do we need to hug it out right now, Jakey? Hold hands and run through daisies? Cuddle while reading each other sappy romantic greeting cards? All of Parker's favorite activities. Would that help?"

I knew that nothing like that would ever change the way I felt about Syd. "No, I'm fine." I walked to my target, trying to take deep, relaxing breaths. I tried not to think about Syd as he took his spot at the line and readied his axe.

"You ready, sweetheart?"

"Yes."

He threw the axe, and I concentrated my whole body into staying like a statue. This time, I would not jump.

The axe flew above my head, and I could feel the blade sinking into the wood above me, the handle hitting me in the forehead.

I flinched.

"Disqualified! Cornelius shouted.

The crowd gasped again. In his box, I could see Jericho smiling down villainously.

I angrily jumped off the target. I knew that it was hopeless as long as it was Syd who was throwing at me. How could I try to fool the deep-seated mistrust inside me that he had so well earned?

Syd looked seriously disappointed in me. "Now it's all gonna come down to your last throw."

"I know that."

"But the only way yer gonna win this for us is if you get a five."

"I think I could get a five if you don't mind possibly losing a finger," I said.

"Oh yeah, I could just lose one of my fingers. I have nine more, after all. I'm sure that wouldn't fuck up my guitar playing one bit, or my talent for fingerin' pussy. That sounds like a swell idea, Jakey. No, you ain't allowed to fucking cut off anything on me sides the hairs on my head." He squinted. "But I think I have another plan."

"Uh-oh," I said. "Goodness, how much I revile your little plans."

"You'll love this one. If you threw the axe in the space in between my thighs, you'd get a five."

"Too bad your dick is there. Or are you suggesting I cut that off?"

"Jakey, don't even joke about that! No, what if my huge dick wasn't hangin' loose, but instead was reaching for the sky? Then you'd just have my balls to avoid, though true enough those things are goddamn huge too."

"Alright, it's worth a shot," I said.

"But the catch is, ya gotta help me get rock hard, as fast as you can."

"Are you kidding me? You were erect through half of these events so far. You don't need my help for that."

"I do, or the deal's off," he said. "Those other times, I was responding to you."

"Fine, what do you need me to do?"

"Your choice. Blow me, or let me bite you."

"Can't I just rub you with my hand?"

"Nope, not enough time for that."

"Fine," I said.

I dropped to my knees and just stuck his soft penis into my mouth, wanting to get this over with as expediently as possible. I was so disturbed by the taste of dried cum, dust, and animals that clung to his dick. I felt blood rushing into his manhood, hardening quickly in my mouth.

While I was getting him going, Arlene stepped up to her line and looked towards Ryan on the target. "I know what they're planning to do," Ryan said, pointing at the two of us. "We could do the same real quick. You could get more points by aiming towards my legs."

"Nope," she said. "Not risking injury to my favorite part of you, babe."

She threw the axe, and it safely hit the outside of the target.

"One point!" Cornelius announced. "Mr. Groves, you're up!"

"Just one more sec!" Syd said as he grabbed his hard dick, squeezed a drop of precum onto my tongue, and then pulled away from me. "Okay, I'm all set."

Syd trotted over to his target while I took my spot seventeen feet back, the axe in my hand. This was it. The importance of this shot was making my hand tremble.

I looked at Syd. Unlike before, his dick was at hard as ever, sticking straight up into the air and completely, leaving his pendulous balls hanging between his legs, but I could aim around those.

I took my time lining up the shot, wanting to make it absolutely flawless. Then I said, "I'm going to throw."

I brought back the axe handle, moved my right arm forward, and then let go with my right hand. The blade went spinning towards the middle of the target. It landed with a sharp thud right between Syd's balls and his left thigh. But, excruciatingly, the blade started to slip out, and I know if it ended up falling, I would lose.

I prayed to God that it would stay, and he answered my request. Amazingly the blade just barely remained embedded in the wood.

"Five points!" Cornelius said. "Challengers take the lead with twelve to nine!"

I let a smile run across my face. Syd was overjoyed, running towards me, hooting and hollering like the ecstatic cowboy he was. "Our plan worked, sweetheart!" he said excitedly, and he jumped against me, humping me with his hardon against my bare skin. For once, I didn't push him away, I was too happy to care.

"Don't celebrate yet," Ryan warned as he took my place on the line. Syd and I backed off to the sideline as Arlene took her spot on the target.

"He always gets three," I said to Syd. "We're going to end up tied. What happens if we tie?"

"Champions win. That won't do at all."

Ryan threw his axe, but this time, instead of flying towards the outside of the target, it surprised me when it went towards the low-middle.

"Aww shit!" Syd yelled as the blade landed.

I realized that the blade ended up right between Arlene's thighs.

"That fuckin' copycat."

I was infuriated as I realized the blade was sticking just fine. Without Arlene having anything between her legs, there was so much open black space there, it really was almost unfair. Still, Ryan wasn't nearly as good a shot as I was, and the axe ended up split between the red and orange. Was it also miraculously touching yellow too? I couldn't see that well from there, but that was all I could hope for. I prayed it was so.

"Three points!" Cornelius shouted, and Arlene and Ryan celebrated as the crowd booed. The only one who seemed pleased in the stands was Jericho. "Champions win! Set up the arena for the final event, Calf Roping!"

They started taking away the axe targets and moving calves into the enclosure. Boyd quickly pulled me aside.

"You got this," he said. "And I'm more than a little glad that the last one is gonna be an event that is more about you than it is about Syd." He almost spit that last word out of his mouth, and I didn't blame him. "Try not to think about anything `sides what we went over in practice."

He was trying to keep my head in the game, which I admired. But the truth was, thinking about what was at stake was actually helping motivate me to perform my best. After all, if it wasn't for my family, I certainly wouldn't be competing in this ridiculous rodeo just for the thrill of it all.

"How many calves do I need to win?" I asked.

"First to four wins," he said. "There's only seven calves in the pen, so the competition could get heated. You gotta be prepared not just to rope the calves, but to evade any underhanded moves yer opponents make."

"Thanks for that tip," I said.

Syd got back up on Patches, this time sitting in the front of the saddle. He had put his hat and boots back on after the axe throwing event, and of course had a cigarette between his lips again. I waved the smoke away as I got into the saddle behind him.

We approached our gate, and across the pen from us, I could see Arlene and Ryan on their horse, looking pretty relaxed. The only thing they had to lose in this rodeo competition was their pride.

"Go!" Cornelius shouted, and the workers pulled open the two gates simultaneously. Syd slammed his boots into the Patches's ribs and launched us into the arena. He made a sharp right towards the nearest calf, such a hard turn that I felt like I was going to fall off, and had to wrap my arms around Syd's body and hold onto his torso with my hands to stay on.

I felt him grab my hands with his own. "If you're gonna reach around me like that, why not hold onto the horn?"

I felt him move my hands down in the direction of the horn. Instead, I felt his hard dick in my in my hands, and moved them back up to his body angrily.

"That wasn't the stupid saddle horn, Syd!"

"I never said it was the saddle horn, Jakey, but this horn is way bigger and a lot more sturdy than anything on that saddle."

"I'll manage without it, thanks."

We zipped towards the calf, and I pulled a rope out of the satchel that was attached to the saddle, starting to spin the loop overhead. The calf tried to run, but before it could make an escape I had the rope around its head. I handed my spoke to Syd, jumped off the horse, grabbed another rope and hustled over to the animal. In seconds, I had it fully tied down.

"Challengers have one," Cornelius announced, and the crowd cheered.

When I turned to find the horse, I could see Syd riding towards me. Instead of stopping, he just sailed on past me, to my left, leaving me no chance to jump on.

"Syd!"

"What's the matter, Jakey? How come you didn't just jump on? Boyd always did when we were practicing." He steered back towards me.

"You made your point Syd," I said. "If it costs us this event, I will never forgive you."

"Ha. There's already a long list of things that you say you'll never forgive me for, so I'm just not sure that threat holds much water with me, Jakey."

I got back on the horse just as Cornelius yelled, "Champions have their first!"

Syd steered us towards the next calf, but as it happened, Arlene and Ryan were heading for the very same calf, our two horses moving towards each other, almost looking like we were involved in an equine version of a game of chicken. We were exactly the same distance from the calf, with each of us gaining at exactly the same pace.

As we started to get into range, Ryan swung his rope overhead, and I did the same. I winced as I saw he was able to get his loop out a half second before I did.

I swore his loop would land right over the calf's head, with Syd and I then forced to find another calf and lose all sorts of time. Instead, his rope came up just half a foot short.

Mine almost immediately floated over the calf's head perfectly, as I had been able to throw my loop just a bit farther than Ryan. Syd pulled to a stop, took the rope in his hands, and I was on the ground as Arlene and Ryan moved to another nearby calf. I quickly grabbed a rope and tied the animal.

"Challengers have two!" Cornelius yelled, and it almost seemed like his unbiased tone was just slightly showing some sign of satisfaction.

As soon I got back on the horse, Syd rode us towards our next nearest calf. On the way there, I heard, "Champions have two."

The calf we were riding after was nearby the log fence, and as we approached it, it ran quickly towards that barricade, just before I could manage to rope it. Syd moved the horse towards it in such a way as to trap it against the fence, and I figured we had another easy point.

Instead, the animal behaved in an absolutely ridiculous way, sticking its head through the logs of the fence and trying to break through into freedom. There was no way with the head completely out of view to me that I would be able to rope this one.

I assumed that the calf would realize escape was futile and pull back out of the fence. It quickly did that very thing, but instead of pulling its head back into view so I'd be able to rope it, it got its head totally stuck and was unable to free itself.

"Should we do another one?" I asked Syd.

Syd looked around. "Ain't any `round here to do. Here, you'll just have to rope it."

He pulled the horse up right along the fence, and I realized I could see the calf's head, sticking through the fence, out to the other side. I spun my rope and threw my loop over the fence and around the calf's neck. That tactic worked excellently, and soon Syd was holding onto my spoke.

I jumped off the horse, grabbed a second rope, and tied the calf down, even though the calf certainly wasn't moving, as stuck as it was.

"Challengers have three!"

"Hurry up, Jakey!" Syd yelled.

I jumped up on the horse as quickly as I could.

"Champions have three! One calf left!"

Syd shot the horse towards the middle of the arena, where the single calf remained. Once again, I could see Arlene and Ryan barreling towards it as well, but this time, we were a tiny bit ahead of them. As soon as we were near enough, I had my loop around that calf's neck, and my heart started to pound from the excitement of imminent victory as I handed the spoke to Syd and climbed off the horse.

Just as I ripped the whole satchel off the horse, I noticed the oddest thing: Ryan jumped off his horse and rolled on the ground towards that calf. What the heck was he planning? Was he trying to get the win by being the first one to tie the last calf, even through Cornelius would surely call him for cheating since he had not been the one to rope the calf?

I didn't have time to think about it, I reacted by running towards the calf just as he did, hoping to end this by beating him to our mutual target.

While the two of us were running, I noticed behind Ryan, Arlene made a sudden change of course on the horse and knocked her boots into their animal's sides. I didn't have the foggiest notion what she was trying to do.

She rode her horse violently into the rope that connected Syd to that calf. He was so surprised by her maneuver that in spite of him trying his hardest to hold on, the rope slipped and the animal ran free away from us all.

"You little... that's a move straight out of the playbook of Syd!" my partner snapped.

That's when Ryan pulled out his rope and started spinning it overhead, looking towards the calf.

No, no, no, I would not let this happen, not let them win this by practically cheating when my family's lives were on the line.

I quickly pulled out my own rope from the satchel, and started to spin mine as well. Like lightening, my loop was released and flying right towards its target.

Which it reached a second before Ryan's own loop reached it. My rope landed uselessly just after Ryan pulled his rope tight around the calf's head. He was going to win this. The crowd gasped in horror, as Arlene and Ryan's faces tasted victory.

"This is a breach of the rules!" Cornelius interrupted. "This head roping is nullified because the roper was not on the back of the horse at the time the rope was thrown."

Ryan's face looked absolutely devastated as he dropped his rope. Both he and I looked at each other in the eye, processing for only a moment what would be required now.

At exactly the same time, we each pivoted around to face our respective horses and started to sprint towards them. Arlene and Syd both started riding towards the two of us as well, pounding their heels into the horses and leaning forward.

I was going so fast when I reached the horse, that for the first time ever, I half jumped, half scrambled up into the saddle, much more quickly than I ever knew I could.

Immediately, I had a rope in my hand and was launching that loop towards the calf just as I saw Ryan do the same from his horse.

Mine reached the calf's head just before Ryan's did that time, and I quickly pulled it tight. I handed Syd the rope and jumped off the horse. Arlene started to race her horse towards Syd's line again, and I quickly ran for the calf.

I roped the calf JUST before Arlene pulled the rope out of Syd's hands again, thank the Lord.

"Challengers win, this event and the whole match!" Cornelius shouted, and the crowd took to their feet and started to cheer.

Jericho looked like he was making use of all sorts of angry curse words and he quickly stormed out of his box and out of sight.

Syd was getting off the horse, and Arlene and Ryan as well. They were politely offering us congratulations, and I thanked them.

Cornelius offered his congratulations as well. Boyd, where was Boyd?

I saw him looking so thrilled, off to the side, and I ran over and jumped into his arms, totally overcome was exhilaration. He caught me, his strong hands holding my bare butt, as he pushed my naked body against his clothed one in a huge hug. "I knew ya could do it. Never once had any doubts."

He set me down, and I brought his horse over to him, thanking him again. Both of us looked into each other eyes with a restrained longing: we both so wanted to show more affection to each other than we knew we were allowed.

"Should we meet for another lesson tomorrow afternoon?" he asked hopefully. "To start preparing for your next competition?"

"Yes, I'd love that."

I didn't even mind too much when Syd came over and slapped me on the butt. "That was too close," I said to him as I started to put my clothes back on. The workers were deconstructing the temporary parts of the corral, and the crowds were making their way out of the stands, people brawling each other and falling over drunk all over the place. "We should have won long before the last event."

"Don't be too hard on yerself. You'll be better next time," Syd said to me.

"I'll be better? You're the one who willingly threw events in the name of pleasing the crowd!"

"And yer the one who goddamn jumped every time ya had an axe coming yer way."

"Well, you're the one who--"

"Congratulations!" Glaucia said, coming over and giving us both cheerful hugs.

"Thanks, Glaucia," I said. "Syd, aren't you going to put your clothes back on now?" I asked, watching poor Glaucia try to avoid touching his hanging bits as she hugged him.

"Why bother? It's a warm day, ain't it?"

"Oh my God, I was on the edge of my seat the entire match," she gushed. "But I just knew you'd come through, because the two of you, well, you're just like the perfect couple, you're like one soul in two bodies. And the sexual stuff, it of course was no problem for you two, because you two have made an art out of making love to each other, and your physical closeness shines through. I assume you trained together the whole way?"

"Oh yes, Glaucia," Syd said. "I taught Jakey here everything he knows about rodeo, ain't I, darlin?'"

"Mmm-hmm," I said, unexcitedly. I couldn't believe he was going to make me sweep Boyd and Parker under the rug.

"And you're right, Glaucia," Syd said. "We fuck so often, we just apply all the love and intimacy we have in our beds to the sport. That's why we are so connected."

"Well, it's working, magically." Her face turned from happy to anxious. "Look, can I level with you two about something?"

"Of course," I said.

"Well," she said in a hushed tone of voice. "I just found out I'm supposed to be competing against you two if you win your next competition, and I'm not too pleased about it."

"We don't want to compete against you either, Glaucia," I said. "But that's just Jericho's deal."

"Yes, well, speaking of Jericho." She looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping. "When I got pregnant, well, I may have told a little lie. You see, he was so concerned about this rodeo thing. He said he refused to marry anyone who wasn't excellent in rodeo, I had no idea why. So, I lied, and told him I was some rodeo queen, when the truth is, I can barely ride a horse, and this is the first time I've ever even seen the rodeo."

"He didn't make you compete when you got married like we have to?" I asked.

"Nope," she said. "I told him because I was pregnant, I couldn't compete in the rodeo like they normally expect couples to. And then as soon as I gave birth, I left before he had a chance to make me enter any rodeo competition. I had figured the matter was dead and buried, but now that you two have come here, for some reason, he has the itch to compete again. He's expecting that when we go out there, I'm going to floor everyone with my rodeo prowess. The truth is, I won't be able to get through a half second of any of the insane events I witnessed today. When Jericho figures out I've lied, I'm not sure what he'll do to me."

I could see the fear in her face, and I felt truly sorry for her. "I wish we could help, Glaucia, but we're not backing down or throwing our next match so that you can avoid competing."

"No, no, that's not at all what I am asking of you. I would never expect that. I'm hoping you can train me together. Show me how you've learned these events through love and connection, and I'll see if I can learn it the best I can. I know you may be hesitant to train your future competitor, but in this case, I'm begging you as a friend and family member, not as your competition."

"We'd love to teach you what we know, Glaucia," Syd answered before I even had a chance to process my thoughts.

"Oh, goodie, thanks you guys!"

"When should we start?" he asked.

"The sooner the better. I don't have nearly as much time as I'd like as it is."

"We'll go over this tomorrow then," Syd said. "Late morning sound okay with everyone?"

"I drop off Lewis for riding lessons with Polly in the morning, so that would be perfect."

"Alright," I agreed begrudgingly.

"Thanks again you two!" She hugged us appreciatively before making her exit.

Cornelius approached us. "Mr. Logan, you'd better put some clothes on and hurry over to Meredith's shop to try on your tux. She's been waiting there most of the morning, I'm afraid."

"Right," he said. "Wedding duty calls. I'm going straight there. Ain't I a dream groom, Cornelius? Always willing to help out my bride in any of the wedding plans."

"I'm not sure if those are the exact words I'd use to describe you, but your cooperation with Meredith is appreciated."

Syd finally did put his clothes back on, and the three of us got on our respective horses and rode across the fields back towards the Mareshead stables. Syd and Cornelius put their horses back quickly, while I wanted to spend some time looking after Patches personally. "You two go on ahead," I said.

"Wouldn't you want to come see your fiancé in his tux?" Cornelius asked.

"Of course I do," I lied. "I'll be right there."

After Syd and Cornelius left, I carefully groomed and fed Patches.

"I may not typically find much value in members of your species, but I want to extend my deepest gratitude for taking care of me today," I said before I left.

Cornelius and I sat patiently inside Meredith's shop while Syd dressed in his stall, neither one of us yet getting any glimpse of the tux yet.

"Now, you understand that the groom's tuxedo is traditionally supposed to have no color on it, just shades of grey, black, and white, so that's all I had to work with. Are you ready, Syd?" she called.

"Just about got it, I think," Syd said. "It ain't exactly easy figuring it all out."

I could see Meredith trying to hide a smirk.

"Righto, here comes the groom," he said, and then he appeared out of his dressing room for the three of us to see.

"Oh, oh my," Cornelius said, clearly debauched.

I couldn't hold it in any longer, all I could do was laugh. I looked at him from top to bottom. On his head was a ridiculously tall, black top hat that would clearly be a chore to keep balanced on one's head. He had a black bowtie around his neck, but no shirt to speak of, making his buff upper body look like a Chippendales dancer. He had black leather straps around his upper arms, showing off his bis and tris, and black bows tied around his wrists.

He had black bowed pasties glued onto his sexy nipples, which I found especially hilarious. Below these, he had on a thin, black cummerbund that was just floating around, unattached to anything else, but tightly wrapped around his abs, covering his belly button.

Below the waist, instead of pants, he was wearing a black leather jock. The thin straps in the back left his muscular butt completely exposed, though it covered him in the front, just like a jock should. But that led to what was truly my favorite part of the tux. Hanging on the front between his legs was an artistically decorative, two-dimensional representation of the front of an elephant's head, specially created out of grey and white fabric.

It would have been a randomly weird attempt to cover up the front of his jock, if not for the fact that there was a round hole cut out of the picture right where the elephant's trunk should have been, and in fact there wasn't any trunk included in the elephant's picture at all. That's because Syd was providing the trunk himself. His huge, soft dick was pulled through the trunk hole, and was just hanging down for all to see, actually making the elephant's trunk way out of proportion to the rest of the elephant's head. This meant the bulge in his jock was being caused by his huge balls alone. Around the rim of his pink mushroom head was my favorite part of the outfit, a neat little black bowtie to match the larger one.

On his feet, he had on a pair of fancy black leather boots that had very strange one foot tall platforms, which looked even harder to walk in than the stiletto heels the women had to wear. When you took the extra foot being added under Syd's feet, along with the almost two feet being added above him with the top hat, he looked just monstrously tall, and certainly wouldn't fit easily though any doors.

"How does it look?" Syd asked.

"Did you forget to put on your pants and jacket, Mr. Logan?" Cornelius asked.

"Nope, this is it."

"Good heavens! I'm getting too old for these wild new fashions."

"I'll have you know that this hole had to be enlarged twice before it was wide enough for my unit," he said.

"Mr. Groves, is this all that you envisioned?" asked Cornelius. "Do you approve?"

"Yeah, soon to be bride of mine. What do you think?"

I was having a hard time stopping my laughter enough to answer. "I, I love it," I said. "It's perfect."

"Good, because you already gave me a blank check to do it as I wanted," Meredith said. "There's really no going back at this stage."

"Yes, I understand. No, it's just perfect."

"Well, I'm happy if you're happy, creampuff," Syd said to me.

I wasn't sure why Syd was being so gracious about all of it. Was it because this outfit revealed all explicit details about his studly body, blending perfectly with his need to be adored? No, if that was the case, he would have walked around the Mansion buck naked instead of wearing his cowboy clothes. He clearly wanted to fit into his specific definition of having nice clothes. He should have been more ashamed than he was, being forced to be degraded, but his smile persisted.

"Well, this tux is a real stunner," Syd said. "I just hope the groomsmen come to like it as much as I do."

My smile faded. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you remember, Jakey," Syd said. "In our weddings, traditionally the groomsmen have the exact same tuxes, only instead o' black, theirs are white."

"You knew that beforehand, didn't you?" Meredith asked. "I've already had all the other tuxes made the same way."

"Oh yeah, I knew," I said, trying to play it off.

Now I understood why Syd had been so pleasant. He knew he was going to have the last laugh. I thought of the best man, Parker, being forced to try on this terrible outfit, and I cringed.

"Of course, I'd make sure Jakey's present for all the em when they try em on," Syd said. "They'll want to thank the person who approved those outfits, I'm sure."

"That seems appropriate," Cornelius said.

"Syd, remind me which of your groomsmen still need to try on their tuxes?" I asked, wanting to ask who the rest of the groomsmen were, but not wanting to admit freely that I didn't know already.

"Well, there's Parker."

"We'll have to wait until he comes back from Fools Gold," Meredith said.

I was already dreading him having to try on that awful thing. Hopefully he would understand and forgive me.

"And cousin Ted," Syd said.

"We'll need him to come to Mareshead for a fitting," Meredith said.

"He lives not far from here, shouldn't be hard," Syd said. "And then there's Tom the bartender from Lettie's."

I cringed, thinking back to the obese bartender that I had met briefly.

"I was having Lettie and Tom come up to Mareshead together from Fools Gold for a fitting," she said.

"Who else?" I asked.

"Well, of course there's old Uncle Walt, Ted's aging human father."

"Of course," I said, hoping he wasn't that old. I did the math in my head against the number of bridesmaids I had. "And who does that leave?"

"Well, my father, of course," said Syd.

I tried to restrain the face of horrible surprise I must have had. No, it could not be Jericho. It didn't make any sense for someone to pick their parent to be their groomsman, did it?

"Right, of course," Meredith said. "It's always tradition for grooms to have their closest family for their groomsmen, which you've followed to the T."

I was going to have to be present when Jericho tried on his outfit, which already was starting to make me sick. I hated Syd, and loved to see him ridiculed, but Syd was a harmless nothing compared to his father. Jericho would not stand to be the butt of ridicule, not without snapping back violently.

Then I could see that amiable smile that seemed so patient with this embarrassment before had turned into a secretly smug grin. "I'll take these off now," Syd said, going back into the changing room.

"Oh, Mr. Logan?" Meredith asked.

"Huh?" said Syd from inside the changing room.

"Just be careful when taking off the pasties, you got some of your--"

"ACK!" Syd cried out in pain. "Aw, hell!"

"...chest hair stuck in them."

I smiled, loving that it was me who got the last laugh after all.

Syd and I were in the mess hall, getting our lunches to go, getting congratulated by various people who saw our success in the rodeo, when I saw Tucker sitting at the bar, nursing a glass of some alcoholic liquid.

"I can't believe Tucker is drinking again," I said, dismayed.

Syd laughed. "What are you, his AA sponsor? Leave the poor guy alone."

"No, I'm going over there and I'm giving him a piece of my mind," I said, rushing off towards the bar.

"Yeah, you go darlin,'" he said. "You go save that poor soul from his beer! Jesus would be so proud of you!"

I ignored him and stomped over to the bar. "Tucker, you fell off the wagon," I said to him.

"Ya mean on our stagecoach ride here?" he asked. "I may have been drunk, but I ain't fell off no stagecoach. That's why I never ride on top of the stagecoach no more."

"No, you're drinking again," I said, pointing at the drink in his hand.

"Wha,' this? Nah. It ain't the hot stuff, Jake. It's just what you ordered at Lettie's. Water."

"They don't serve water at these bars, and your drink clearly is brown," I said.

He looked at the brown tint of the liquid in his glass. "Ah, no wonder this water tastes like shit," he said.

"Come on," I said. "I can hear you slurring your words again. You can't fool me, Tucker."

"Alright, fine, you had the right in it. I had a drink or two. But only `cause the Governor needs me to report to him this afternoon. I just need to drink if I'm expected to perform, ya know?"

"Why?"

"Because without the liquor, all the feelings take over. Get to me. Make me all a mess. The alcohol drowns all that, helps me get by. But I'm only ever drinkin' before the few times I knew the Governor needs me. Otherwise, I'm good as dry, you'll see."

"We all have to deal with anxiety," I said. "You should be learning to control it without using alcohol as a crutch."

"And you should be learning to keep yer big mouth shut and not give advice to folks who ain't askin' for it," he said, his voice taking a nasty turn that I had never heard before.

"Fine, drink yourself to death, for all I care," I said, leaving angrily.

I rejoined Syd just as our food was ready to take away. "I can tell your intervention made a world of good for that one," Syd mocked.

"Shuttup, Syd."

"Temper, sunshine. We wouldn't want people here to get the wrong idea."

As we walked towards Syd's place, our rapport changed dramatically from cold indifference to hot romance depending on if we were alone or not at any given moment in the hallways. We went into the Great Room, needing to walk across it and up three flights in order to get to Syd's room, and as soon as we entered, I took stock of the goings on as I started to follow Syd's leisurely pace through the room.

I was thankful that the cage in the room was still empty, but not thankful for the fact that Jericho was sitting on his throne. Giggles was standing beside him, and two strangers were in the room, standing before the Logans. One of them, a handsome, 30-something man that made me think he was a vampire until I saw he had dark eyes, was standing in front, looking up at Jericho. He was Caucasian, and dressed in a modern suit and tie, which clearly distinguished him from everyone else. The other stranger was a little girl, probably a bit older than Lewis, she too was wearing modern clothing, but she had on a peculiar mask.

"Go on, Agent Macon," Giggles said to the man.

"The fire started on the side of the house where her bedroom was," he said. "I tried to pull her out of there, but I, I was too slow. Show them, Mackenzie."

The girl removed her mask, and I gasped as I saw her face; all scars and ruined, burnt skin, it was so sad. She took off the sweatshirt she was wearing, leaving just a tank, and I could see her arms and shoulders were in the same state.

"I just about cry every time I see her," Agent Macon said.

"Dad, sorry, but you're being stupid," Mackenzie said. "It used to hurt a whole lot, but now it doesn't. I'm still just as happy as I was before."

I was so proud of that brave little girl.

The father seemed to ignore her. "I know you can heal things like this," he said.

"Any objections, Daddy?" Giggles asked.

Jericho shook his head.

Giggles came forward, all smiles towards the little girl. "Let me touch you, sweet child." She reached out and touched the girl's burnt face.

The girl looked at Giggles' colorful, ruffled period dress. "Are you my fairy godmother?" she asked.

Giggles let out her signature laugh as she closed her eyes. "You betcha. Now, hold on. Bippidi- Boppidi-Boo!"

By the time she was done saying it, the girl's face and arms had healed to their normal state, revealing what used to be an adorably cute face. She looked down at the healed skin, awestruck. "Wow, you really were magical!"

Her father was in tears. He ran over, dropping to his knees, hugging his girl. "Let me get a look at you, Mack." He rested his hands on her pure, white cheeks, his mouth hanging open, a dumfounded smile on his face. "You are so beautiful. My beautiful, beautiful Mackenzie."

Seeing him cry was getting me choked up as well, though I kept the tears at bay. It was such a beautiful thing that Giggles was so easily able to give this girl her normal life back.

"Now, we have some business to attend to," Jericho said.

Giggles grabbed Mackenzie's hand and led her towards one of the exits. "Come on, Mackenzie, let's play together while the men discuss the boring details."

"Yeay!" Mackenzie said, skipping along with Giggles out the door.

"You know the price of our gifts," Jericho said sternly.

"I know, sir," Agent Macon said.

"I own you now for the rest of your life. Any favor I need you to perform you'll do. Any favor, no matter how distasteful it seems."

I was completely shocked. Just what sort of orders would this agent be getting from Jericho? If he would be subverting the activities of law enforcement that could lead to the loss of innocent lives, well then the trade he made for his daughter's normalcy was not at all worth it.

"I understand, sir."

"Good," Jericho said. "Because you should know that when people refuse to pay the agreed price for my gifts, I take my gifts back. She's such a beautiful girl. We wouldn't want anything to change that, would we?"

Syd and I left the Great Room, entering the third story hallway.

"And that's how so many people of importance, like so many local FBI like that doofus, sell their souls to the Logans," Syd said.

"Well, at least Giggles was able to take the high road and heal that poor girl, even if Jericho turned something beautiful into slime."

"Ha, ya kiddin' me there, Jakey?" Syd asked. "I been around this mansion long enough to know that Jericho probably asked Giggles to start that fire in the first place. That's just the way things work `round here."

"You're lying, Giggles wouldn't do that."

"Oh, right, because she's a fucking saint, I'm sure."

When we got to Syd's room and started eating our lunches, I noticed Syd's cell phone, still discarded on the floor, continued to ring.

"Aren't you going to answer that, Syd?" I asked.

"Why should I?" he asked, stuffing his gross macaroni and cheese in his mouth with his fingers.

"Because it might be someone important," I said.

"Like who? Ed Mcmahon is long dead."

"Who is that?" I asked.

He groaned. "Goddamn, boy, did yer mother deprive you of a TV as a boy? If so, she owes me damages for the pain and suffering I have to go through every day when my jokes go right over yer head."

"No, she encouraged me to watch TV, but all I found valuable were sports, history shows, and science programs. I don't see what any of this has to do with you answering the phone like a normal person."

"Jakey, I'm goddamn thirsty, and I'm a more than a single dose of horny as well. I ain't got time to be chit chatting on the phone right now."

"What if it's a hot lady calling?" I asked.

"Then she'd come over here and knock on the goddamn door good and be ready to strip down. I need real flesh, not phone sex." He started walking towards the door. "Now, I'm gonna find me a hookup downstairs and bring her back up here for some afternoon delight. If you're here when I get back, yer welcome to join us."

He left, and that was my cue to get the heck out of that room for the rest of the afternoon. I finished my lunch, ignored the ringing phone, and decided to go for a hike outside.

I hiked to the same glistening stream that Parker had brought me fishing on. I had almost taken a rod with me and spent the afternoon fishing, but I felt like somehow that was a betrayal to Parker, especially since I had refused his offers to go fishing again with him because I had made the wrong conclusions about Annie. I did find myself missing the guy as I took my hike.

When I got to my turning around point, I stopped and sat down on a rock, just enjoying the beautiful surroundings. I got starting to think again how easy it would be do escape this way, to just pack up my things and hike along this stream until I came to normal civilization.

But that course of action led to a thousand uncertainties: would they find me and kill me for escaping? Would I die in the wild on my own? Would they kill my family? It made it clear to me that I needed to stick out my current course of action, as unpleasant that mansion was for me.

By the time I got back to Syd's room, it was close to dinner time. I knocked carefully before entering, not wanting to interrupt anything, but when I got into the room, although Syd was clearly alone, he was clearly in his post-coitus phase, lying naked alone in the bed, smoking his cigarette with his right hand, his left hand lazily rubbing the sweaty fur on his chest. He had a condom wrapped around his dick, which was laying on his belly, in that phase after sex where the penis gets limp without ever really softening. Like usual, he had copious amounts of semen gathered all around the pink head of his dick and that area of extra space that the cum was pooling in at the tip of the condom.

"Aww, ya just missed out on all the fun, Jakey," he said.

"How severely disappointing," I said.

He stuck his Marlboro between his lips and got up off the bed. He used both hands to pull his condom off his dick carelessly, milking his dickhead one last time on the exposed latex. He lifted his insane amount of goo in the condom of to his eye level and smiled with pride at what he had produced.

"Last chance for my massive load of rattlesnake venom," he said, stepping towards me and waving the condom in my face.

"Somehow, I'm still not interested," I said, jumping away from him.

He tossed the condom in the trash, where it exploded and gushed all over the inside of the can.

"Wow, call in the marching band, you actually managed to get your used condom into the trash this time. I am so proud of your accomplishment. I know how much effort that took for you, you must be thoroughly bushed now."

"And we'll have to throw a parade in yer honor, Jakey. You've managed to break the world record for delivering the most sarcastic, condescending jibes of all time. Congrats on that achievement." He threw on his robe. "Well, we're plum outta all the good alcohol, and happy hour's fast approaching. I'm gonna go down and get it restocked. Unless yer gonna freak out about me drinkin' like ya did on Tucker this morning, go all Betty Ford on my ass."

"In your case, Syd, I don't see how drinking could possibly make you any stupider, so I'm actually okay with it."

"I love it when we agree on important relationship matters, darlin.' I'll be back later."

He didn't even bother to put shoes on; he just left the room in just his robe. I took the opportunity to start filling up the bath with clean water. I stripped off my hiking clothes and jumped in the tub, enjoying the feeling of the hot water. I certainly wasn't comfortable bathing when Syd was in the room, so I tried to sneak my baths into whatever alone time I got.

I had just started to lather up when Syd barged back in the room much sooner than I had expected, carrying boxes of clinking bottles of alcohol. As soon as set them down, he came over to the bath.

"Oooh, perfect, baby, you must have read my mind. I totally need a bath."

He took off his robe and threw it on the floor, and then he lifted his foot to start to step in the water.

"Uh-uh, no you don't," I said, blocking him from coming into the water with my body. "This is MY bath."

"Ah, come on, sweetheart, I'm still filthy from all the lovemakin' I was doin' all afternoon. You don't even want to know what that lady wanted me to do to her."

"No, I absolutely do not, please don't share it with me. And that's even more of a reason not to sully my clean bath water," I said.

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked. "You already complained about me washing my Johnson off in the sink.

"You'll wait until I'm done, and then you'll take a separate bath from me."

"Fine," he said. "I'll just amuse myself reading a book in the meantime."

"Syd, the only thing I've ever seen you read are the dating profiles of women on online hook-up sites."

"That's because you hardly know me," he said. "I'm perfectly capable of readin' with the best of `em. I'll read this here book, just to show you."

He picked up my biography of Jefferson, cracked it open, and sat on his bed, adopting a new expression I had never seen before on his face: studiousness.

I lathered my body for about a minute and a half before Syd dropped the book and came over to the bathtub. "I'm bored sick," he said. "I ain't made to wait around forever, Jakey."

"Forever, huh? You haven't even been waiting for two minutes!"

"I'm coming in," he said.

I tried to block him again, but he overpowered me, forcing his dirty feet that he had just used to walk through the mansion barefoot into the bath with me. I was so, so angry. He lowered his knees into the water, forcing me to the back end of the tub.

"Don't you dare even think about sticking your semen crusted penis into this water!" I said, squinting at the sight of his dick, which was absolutely covered in his white jizz, being lowered closer to the water.

"But it needs washing more than any other part of me." He smiled cheerfully, then lowered his huge dick into the water and started to wash the cum off of it with his hands.

"UUUUUGGH!" I yelled, jumping out of the bathtub completely. "Disgusting!"

"Ah, come on Jakey, the water's clean, sharing a bath with me ain't gonna kill ya."

"It might as well kill me," I said.

He started to use my bathwater to clean himself off, pouring way too much shampoo over his head and lathering it up.

When he finished his bath and stepped out of the tub, I yelled, "You can unplug the drain- stopper."

"But we both know how much you love washing in my old bath water, Jakey."

"I'd sooner bathe in boiling acid."

"Oh, well, knowing my father's creative penchant for offing his slaves, I'm sure we have that laying around here somewhere, if ya want me to ask," he said as he pulled the drain up.

I ignored him, and instead scrubbed the tub furiously with soap and hot water until I knew it was sanitary again. Only after that would I let myself get back into a freshly drawn bath and scrub all of Syd's mess off of me.

Syd was far too busy preening and admiring himself in the mirror naked, too entertained by his own reflection to pay any attention to what I was doing, so I used the moment of serenity to shut my eyes and relax.

At that moment, his annoyingly loud cell phone went off, surprising me out of my tranquility. "Please tell me you've answered your phone since this morning."

"Sure, I'll tell ya that, Jakey, but it'll be a lie."

"It sounds like you've purposely picked out the most annoying ring tone ever invented just to torture me," I said.

"I have to get my jollies somehow," he said. "If it's annoying you, you can always answer it. Maybe it's yer friend Jesus Christ calling."

"I'm not answering your phone."

"Well, I'm much too busy making my studly face somehow even studlier," he said, slapping on some aftershave.

But after the third call, I couldn't hold out anymore. I got out of the tub and grabbed his phone from the floor. "Whoever this is, I feel very sorry for you," I said. "Perhaps you'll think twice about ever becoming Syd's acquaintance again."

"Jake, is that you?" came a familiar voice.

"Della?"

"I've been calling all day long! I need to talk to Syd immediately!"

"Alright, he's right here." I walked over towards Syd. "Your aunt needs to talk to you right now."

"Put it on speaker," he said.

I switched Syd's phone over to speaker and set it on the bathroom counter before I started to get dressed.

"Hi, Della. To what do I owe the pleasure, my aunt?"

"Just shut it, will ya child?" she asked angrily. "I've been calling all goddamned day."

"I'm sorry, I just wasn't around," he said, and I snorted.

"Oh, shove the bullshit, Syd," she said. "You just need to listen to me, and listen to me fast. One of the nurses here made the mistake of giving Rose a letter this morning that had been written by the Governor. It was filled with information about your phony marriage proposal to Jake. When she learned that Jake was still alive due to this reason alone, she freaked out, telling us she knew for sure the marriage was a sham, and she'd prove it."

"Well, as long as she's in the hospital, she ain't gonna prove nothing," Syd said.

"That's just it," Della said. "She demanded to leave. I tried to tell her she still was not well, and she just ripped the IV off her wrist and pushed her way past my nurses."

I gasped.

"Okay, we'll just have to do damage control. Where is she now, Della? I'll have one of my Fools Gold friends to find her."

"She got on the morning stagecoach to Mareshead, Syd," she said. "Now you can see why I've been spending my whole day on the phone trying to call you instead of actually getting anything done."

"That stagecoach gets in at around 4:30 in the afternoon," Syd said.

I looked at my watch. "That was five minutes ago."

"Thanks so much Della, I have to go." He hung up. "We absolutely need to intercept her before she gets to my father, or you'll be a goner in a matter of hours, Jakey." He started to throw on his bathrobe.

"I'm already on my way," I said, slamming open the door and starting to run through the hall, though I had no idea what I would actually say if I got to Rose. I didn't seem to have anything to bargain with, so I would just have to appeal to her good will, if it existed at all.

I threw the door open to the Great Room and ran inside. As I ran down the stairs to the second story balcony, I could see Jericho occupied on his throne, talking to Tucker and Cornelius and some others I didn't recognize, and I saw Rose enter the room through the main entrance with an angry, determined look upon her face.

Syd came barreling past me down the stairs, much faster than I was. I tried to keep up with him, but all I ended up doing was tripping over the bottom of his bathrobe and falling to my knees as he cut in front of me and leapt over the banister, doing an acrobatic swing, and landing on the ground floor.

"Uh-oh," I said as I realized I had his bathrobe stuck around my ankles, and he was suddenly running towards Rose buck naked.

When he got to her, he lifted her up and carried her through one of the side doors, while she started clawing into his eyes, more pissed off than I'd ever seen her before.

One of the strangers talking with Jericho asked, "Mr. Governor, Did I just see your son run naked across the hall?"

Jericho nodded.

"Yes Ma'am," Cornelius answered for him. "Certainly not the first time he's done that either, I'm afraid."

I almost followed Syd and Rose, but I remembered how poorly Rose and I got along, and I decided my presence would only make things worse. Which meant I had to leave my life in Syd's clumsy hands, a thought that brought little comfort.

Having nothing else to do, I walked back to Syd's room and stopped all but short of pacing, waiting for Syd to return. He was gone much longer than I would have ever thought possible, and I just couldn't fathom why he was taking so long. Was it because Syd had failed, and she was debriefing Jericho?

Finally, the door opened, and I half expected a vampire guard or Jericho himself coming to execute me. Instead, Syd came in, still completely naked, but not showing any embarrassment or shyness at all.

"So? What happened?"

"Wow, good thing ya got Syd the sweet talker on yer team, kiddo, or else you'd have all your blood in Jericho's stomach `bout now."

"So, she's not going to say anything?" I asked.

"Not a peep."

My eyes narrowed. "Wait a second," I said. "You didn't kill her, did you?"

"No, Jakey. Why win a battle with your fangs when you can do it plenty good with yer charms?" he asked.

"How did you get her to agree to that?"

"She had some terms that we negotiated on, and then she wanted to make it official." He walked into the closet and pulled on a pair of jeans, no underwear. "She's almost a good with the legal issues as Cornelius. She wrote up a fancy contract for the two of us."

"What are the terms?"

"She's agreed not to tell anyone anything she knows about the two of us," he said as he put on his cowboy shirt.

"I hope you were very careful with the wording of the contract," I said. "She could be creating a loophole for herself."

"I wasn't born yesterday, Jakey. The contract was solid."

"So, what does she want in return?"

"Some hot and steamy sex sessions," he said, as he put on his boots and hat.

"No, you misheard me," I said. "I asked what SHE wanted from you, not what she will have to give you if she breaks her contract."

"I didn't mishear you, Jakey. She asked for two things. First off, I had to give her fifteen IOUs for sex, which she is allowed to use whenever she wants."

"Are you serious?" I asked. "She could have anything she wanted, and she asked for sex?"

"Not just any sex," he said. "Sex with Syd is in a whole `nother class, Jakey. Any reasonable woman would take that deal."

I rolled my eyes. "She's probably just wanting to impregnate herself or something."

"Nope, thought of that. I wrote out that we'd only be having sex using protection. And if there's an accident, and she gets pregnant out of wedlock with my child, she has to get an abortion. She agreed."

"And the other payment?" I asked.

"I've agreed that if I get married for real, it has to be with her."

"You can't be serious," I said. "You're really going to marry Rose Dixon?"

"No, Jakey, it was a meaningless agreement `cause I ain't never getting married. She also wanted me to promise once Governor, I'd go along with her species segregation policies."

"Please tell me you disagreed with her."

"Her policies would mean no physical interactions between vampires and humans, meaning my pool of fuckable ass would be cut in half. No way in hell I'd ever agree to that one."

"Glad you used your amazing sense of ethics to make that important decision, Syd. It's not like you ever make key choices that would affect a huge number of people based on something so minor as your sex life."

"Well, wait `til you hear what I had to agree to for her to get on my side."

"Uh oh."

"She made me agree to outlaw all new inter-species marriages."

"That's atrocious!" I said. "How could you agree do that?"

"Well, truth of the matter is, I've been planning to eliminate marriage altogether, so again, it's an empty promise. Marriage sucks, it always has sucked, so why make it continue?" He looked at his watch. "I gotta go."

"Where are you off to now?" I asked.

"She's already handed in her first IOU for tonight," he said.

"You should have just stayed over there, then."

"I would have, but she wanted me in the boots and hat. Can't say I blame her."

I laughed at him. "Doesn't feel so good when you're forced to sell your body, does it, Syd?"

"Umm, let me see. I get to go have hot sex with a beautiful woman tonight. Feels damn good to me, Jakey. Yer the only one with the weird hangup about our little deal."

When I went to bed that night, as I was kneeling down to do my nightly prayers, I added up the days in my head and realized that the next day would be when Syd was due to feed on me again. I was already dreading the necessary act.

Then I thought about how he hadn't brought it up to me at all. Had he forgotten about it? I hoped so. I certainly wasn't going to remind him, and if he missed his day, then he would just have to wait another week.

I decided I would try to be around him alone as little as possible the next day, and certainly wouldn't do anything that might risk reminding him. I'd be sure to wake up quietly in the morning on my way out to Cornelius's meeting so I didn't wake him.