"Everything I Own"
CHAPTER TWELVE
By Chris Engelke (oberon@teleport.com)
DISCLAIMER: This is gonna be a short disclaimer and intro. I think if you have read this far, you know the disclaimer. Don't read if you are underage, don't like gay stories, etc.
I just want to thank everyone who reads my story and sends me e-mail. It keeps me going! Please note the different e-mail address. It's the account I access more often than my Yahoo! addy. I also want to apologize for the delay in this chapter. I hope it doesn't happen again.
"No, not really. I hate that he has to do it, but..."
"You guys will help each other through this. I'm here for you guys also."
"Thanks, Johnny. This means a lot to us.
"Do you want to change what you have written for the thank yous on the CD?"
"No thanks. I like what I have now."
"Are you sure."
"Let me think about it for now. I'll get back to you later today."
"Sure." Johnny replied.
"Thanks." Mark said then hung up the phone. Mark needed to speak with JC, so he sent Lance and Justin off to get a wheelchair. Lance left the room, but Mark stopped Justin as he was leaving. "J, can you keep James away for awhile? I need to talk to Josh about something."
Justin agreed and left the room. JC looked at Mark strangely. "What's going on, Mark? What is your warped mind thinking?"
"It's something really warmed. I want to show my love for him in song." JC smiled brightly. "That is very beautiful! I take it you want to do 'This I Promise You'?"
"Yes." Mark replied. "At first I was thinking of doing Westlife's 'Swear It Again', but doing the song I wrote for James is much more meaningful."
"Are you going to do it as a solo?"
"Well, I want to do the verses by myself, but have the four of you back me up on the chorus...if it's alright."
"We would be honored! I'll let J, Chris, and Joe know."
"Thank you! It means so much to me. You really are the best friend I ever had!"
"I love you, too, Mark. Make sure you clear this through Johnny."
"I will. I have to let him know about something else. He was great enough to have a small space to thank you all on the CD jacket. I want to add an 'I love you, Scoopy ' to it."
JC was very worried about how Mark was handling everything. "How are you doing, Mark? How are you really doing? How are you handling all of this. Joe was right before that this is going to affect you big time."
"I'm more scared now than I ever have been. It's my fault he's going through this, no matter what anyone says. Any of you guys will probably have to endure that because of me. I'm gonna be the Yoko Ono on *N Sync!"
"Believe me, Mark. You are no Yoko Ono!" Justin said as he came in with a wheelchair.
"How long have you been there?" Mark asked.
"I just got here."
"Where's Lance?" JC asked.
"He needed some time alone to think. He went for a walk."
Mark started to cry again. "See? I never should have won that contest and flown to LA! I've ruined his life and all of yours also!"
"No, Mark! You haven't! You have made all of our lives better!" JC desperately said.
"Josh, go see James and tell him that he can deny that we are a couple and even that he's gay if he wants."
"And where will you be?" Justin fearfully asked.
"I'll still be here. I will fight to keep him in my life. I just want him to have the option to deny everything. Did you actually think that I would just give up on this all, did you?"
"Well..." Justin stammered.
Mark was frightened at what Lance could be thinking. He asked Justin to find Lance and bring him back here. He had to let Lance know that he would never give up on their love, that it was more important than anything else in the world to him. Justin ran off, looking for Lance, while Mark frantically thought of how he could convince Lance.
"Did you bring a guitar with you when you flew here?" Mark asked JC
"Of course I did. You know me, Mark. Do you want to borrow it?"
"Could I please?"
"No problem. You're gonna show Lance how much you love him once J finds him by singing Swear It Again, aren't you?"
"You know, it's scary how much we know each other." Mark laughed.
"Yep. Then again, we are so much alike." JC said before he left the room.
Thirty minutes later, JC had returned with a guitar. Chris and Joey had also returned, only because JC had called them and told them what was going on. Chris and Joey weren't talking to each other and wouldn't tell JC or Mark what happened when Chris went after Joey.
Justin hadn't yet returned with Lance. Mark was growing more and more worried the more time that passed. "Where is Justin? God, something happened and it's my fault!" Mark cried.
JC was about to try to calm Mark down when Justin came in. Lance was not with him. "J, where's Scoop? Didn't you find him?" Joey asked.
"He's right outside." Justin said. "Mark, he's in real bad shape. The only thing he has said since I found him was 'I'm gonna lose him'. We'll leave you alone and you do what you have to. We all need our Lance back."
"Thanks, guys. I appreciate everything you have done for the two of us. I owe you so much." Mark replied.
They all hugged Mark on their way out of the room. Mark heard Justin say, "Come on, Scoop. I told you Mark needs to talk with you."
"No, Justin! I know what he's going to say. I don't want to hear it!" Lance said in response.
All of a sudden, Lance stumbled inside the room. Justin had shoved him inside the room.
"Hi, James. I have missed you so much! How are you doing?"
"Please, Mark!" Lance started to cry hard again. His eyes were red and puffy, as if he had just been crying a great amount already. "Please don't leave me! I can't live without you! I would give up anything and everything to be with you!"
Mark's heart was broken. He hated seeing his love so destroyed. "Baby, I would never leave you! I love you so much! I was scared that you would leave me, but then I looked at myself in the mirror and said to myself, 'How could he ever leave this gorgeous face?'"
Lance laughed briefly. It was a most wonderful sound to Mark. He felt optimistic that he might finally be able to convince Lance that he would never leave him. He grabbed JC's guitar and tuned it.
"What are you doing with JC's guitar, Mark?" Lance asked inquisitively.
"James, honey, I seriously thought that you would leave me. I could never leave you. I wanted to show you in my own way how much I love you and need you." He started playing the guitar then began to sing.
I wanna know Who ever told you I was letting go Of the only joy that I ever known Girl they were lying
Just look around And all the people that we used to know Have just given up they wanna let it go But we're still trying
So you should know this love we share Was never made to die I'm glad we're on this one-way street Just you and I Just you and I
(Chorus) I'm never gonna say goodbye 'cause I never wanna see you cry I swore to you my love would remain And I'd swear it all over again and I I'm never gonna treat you bad 'cause I never wanna see you sad I swore to share your joys and your pain And I'd swear it all over again All over again
Some people say That everything has got its place and time Even the day must give the way to the night But I'm not buying
'Cause in your eyes I see a love that burns eternally And if you see how beautiful you are to me You'll know I'm not lying
Sure there'll be times we wanna Say goodbye But even if we tried There are some things in this life Won't be denied Won't be denied
(Chorus)
The more I see of you Is the more than I know I love you The more than I'm sure I want you forever and ever more And the more that I know you Oh that I'm never gonna let you go Gotta let you know that I
(Chorus)
As Mark finished the song, he looked at Lance. Lance was bouncing on the floor, as if he were a ball that a child would play with. Mark smiled deeply. "I take it you liked my song, baby?"
"Liked it? I loved it! You have an incredibly beautiful voice! I still think you would hit it big in music! You should sign with my label!"
"No, James. Even if I had enough courage to try to make it in music, there is no way in hell I would sign with you."
Lance was both hurt and insulted by Mark's comments. "Why? You just want me for my body and not my mind?"
"God, no! You are one of the smartest people I have ever known! You keep an extremely successful groups that is out there!"
"So, you just don't trust me with you then? What is it?"
"No! What happens if I did sign with you and we were to break up? It could hurt everything I had been working my whole life for!"
"You think we're gonna break up?" Lance yelled.
Justin, Chris, Joey, and JC barged back inside when they heard the yelling.
"Wait a second, Scoop. Calm down." Joey said.
"Yeah. You don't want to make the same mistakes I did." Chris added. "I am always going to regret what I did to Joe."
"It sounds like you guys broke up." JC said.
Joey and Chris were silent for awhile, only looking at each other. Finally, Chris spoke. "We'll discuss it later, we have to get going on the press conference for Lance and Mark. That's way more important than anything else."
The six guys discussed what they wanted they wanted the press conference to consist of. They had questions they knew they would answer and those that they couldn't. Nobody else, with the exception of Mark, would discuss their sexuality.
Mark said that he had no problem discussing anything about his life. He was always open to discussing any part of his life. He thought he was a strange person. He loved being the center of attention, yet he was painfully shy. Most people had a hard time believing that Mark could be shy, because he seemed to be very outgoing and always trying to make people laugh.
"I have no problem discussing my life, but we need to talk about any limits I should have." Mark told Lance. "It didn't matter if I was someone or not. I had nothing to lose by just being myself. Now I have a lot to lose. I can cause a lot of harm to the five best friends I ever had."
"Mark, don't change yourself for us or anyone else." Chris replied. "We love you for you."
"I'm not going to change who I am. I might have to hide a part of myself until I get used to the press. I need to find out how to act in public."
"But you won't have to hide the fact that you guys are together. That's a good thing." JC said.
"I know. I'm just scared." Mark said.
Lance was very concerned about Mark's fears and told him that he would deny that he's gay if Mark wanted.
"No, baby!" Mark pleaded. "You want to come out and it is the right thing to do. It was going to happen some day. Maybe when the public sees how much we love each other, it could change the attitudes of closed minded people."
"Boy, you're sure a dreamer, aren't you, Mark?" Chris joked.
Mark told Chris that although he tries to be an optimistic person, sometimes he has to be overly optimistic. "I know being gay will never be fully accepted. I'm just hoping that by revealing our love, someone's closed mind will open and realize that we're not depraved and will go straight to hell."
The next couple of days were a blur for Mark. He was finally released from the hospital not too long after the discussion about the press conference. He didn't get that much time to spend with Lance, as he was in constant talks with Johnny about the conference and other business matters. However, the rest of the guys, mostly JC, kept Mark busy.
The day of the press conference came a couple of days later. Rosie O'Donnell had heard about the conference and because she was fortunately on vacation that week, she flew in to Portland to be there for her friends. Mark was really glad to see her. It was through her and her show that Mark's life changed so drastically and he met the love of his life.
He was extremely nervous ever since plans were finalized. He wasn't able to sleep or each that much. Lance was so worried about Mark's health that he had considered postponing the press conference, but Mark convinced him that they needed to go through the conference. It would show the world that being gay was not a bad thing. Even though there was a lot more acceptance of homosexuality in society, there was still a lot of intense hatred of gays. Mark felt that they had to show the world that a love between two people of the same sex is beautiful, not disgusting like some people often say.
Mark was pacing the floor. Lance was sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. They were able to hold the press conference in the auditorium of Mark's former employer. Mark did end up quitting his job, but he had left on a positive note, so when he asked them to use the auditorium, they allowed it. They were in a room that was right next to the stage in the auditorium.
Mark had been asked during preparation for the press conference is there was anything he wanted to request for it. He only had one request - he wanted Carson Daly from MTV to moderate the conference. He was a fan of Carson, yet he also knew that the guys were friends with him. Because of that, he knew that Carson would be fair and not let things get out of hand.
Carson knew that *N Sync had a huge announcement to make, but he didn't know what the announcement was. He still accepted the assignment from MTV, who also did not know the reason behind the press conference. They had assumed it was in regards to their upcoming tour, which would be starting in early May. It was going to be a huge story and Carson was going to be a part of it. He wasn't the only person that MTV assigned to the story, however. Ananda Lewis was back in New York, waiting to ask questions from the massively large audience. There were thousands and thousands of people outside the MTV Studios, waiting to watch the press conference, which was being shown on the big screen in Times Square. Brian McFayden was also in Portland, covering the conference for MTV News. Kurt Loder was in Orlando, waiting to interview fans in *N Sync's hometown.
There was a knock on the door. Neither Lance or Mark heard the knocking. The door opened and Carson walked in. "Hey, guys! Lance, it is great to see you again. Mark, it is good to meet you!" There was no response from either Lance or Mark. He tried again to get them to notice that he was in the auditorium. However, there was still no response. Carson tried to crack a joke, or what he thought was a joke. "Lance, you look like you're about to come out of the closet!" Mark blushed and Lance's face paled even more than usual. Carson was stunned. "Oh my God! Lance, you really are gay?"
"Yes, Carson." Lance answered with conviction. "I hope you won't just blurt out the news, not before Mark and I get a chance to speak."
"Uh....honey?" Mark nervously said.
"Yes, baby?"
"I told you before that I am not talking at this. I don't know if I can do it. I really want to, but I am so nervous!"
Carson tried to ease Mark's nerves. "Everything is going to be alright, Mark. The two of you will be there for each other."
"There's more than just that to consider. I have a mouth on me. If I am provoked, I can't be held responsible for what I would say in reply. I won't swear up a storm, but I will let all the reporters have it with both barrels."
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Lance said reassuringly. "That's the Mark I know and am deeply in love with."
Brian McFayden walked into the room. "Are you guys ready to do this?"
Lance and Mark looked at each other intently, temporarily forgetting that they were not alone in the room.
TO BE CONTINUED
What will happen next? How will the press conference go? Will Lance be able to go through with it, or will he get too scared to handle it? How will the fans accept things if the press conference does happen? Who is the person behind the story in the Enquirer, which forced Lance and Mark into this situation? For the answers to these questions and many more, Chapter 13 is coming. Lucky Chapter 13! I hope the wait won't be as long. I'm sorry again for the wait on this chapter. Please e-mail me with any questions, comments, suggestions, pics of Lance (shirtless is preferable), or whatever to my new e-mail address of oberon@teleport.com.