Chapter 13:
"All right, Josh. You're going to listen to Mr. Flemming and if he tells you do to something you'll do it, right?" My dad was giving me the "polite teenager" speech. I'd heard it before and I'm pretty sure that I'd hear it again.
"Yeah, dad. No sex, drugs or rock and roll." I let my head fall back on the couch and I closed my eyes.
"Hey, limpdick. You look like a retard, cut it out." Jason said as he chugged a Coke, or some other soda. I couldn't help but look at him as he acted like a complete idiot and he actually seemed proud of it. Like father, like son. Isn't that what they say?
My dad finally let up and went over to talk to Jason about some LAPD shit that I couldn't listen to without feeling queasy. The way my dad talked about "them" made me sick. I made a promise to myself when I was about 14 that I'd never be like my father and I planned to keep it. I ran my fingers through my hair and pushed up off the couch and walked over to my camping junk that I had gotten ready ahead of time.
Sleeping bag, check. Backpack, check. Clothes, check. Swimsuit, check. Sunglasses--
"Yo retard! Didn't you hear the horn? Your date is here." Goddamn I wanted to pound Jason, but I knew I'd be disowned from the family if I did. Instead, I went over to the window and saw a white Ford Bronco. Not wanting to risk having Chris and/or his dad having to see "the clan" again, I grabbed my junk and headed out the door before anyone could say a thing.
After I got my crap in the back of the car, I climbed in the backseat and was met with Chris sitting next to me. He smiled, "Hey Josh. We have to carry the cooler in the front seat so the food won't melt." The smile on his face was too much. "Do you mind sitting back here?"
"I think I can manage it."
The ride up to the campground was a mix between torture and heaven. The sun was shining into the car and it was so beautiful. Looking outside at the sunny dry hills and rock formations and it made me wonder why I was stuck in a pit like LA to live in. But everytime I started thinking that way, Chris would say something to me and make me realize why I stayed there. Why I didn't run away.. And why I had always stayed in that house. It took all my self control not to start crying right then and there...
Our long odyssey through the California desert was finally over around 3 in the afternoon as we parked at the campsite. Chris unbuckled and pratically broke his neck getting out of the car and into the bushes. I started thinking about what he was doing in the bushes and....
"Hey. Josh." His dad brought me back to reality, "Can you set up a tent?"
"Yeah, sure. I can do whatever you need." I can also screw your son.. DAMN IT!
"Well, here." He said, tossing the tent to me, "Set that sucker up and we'll be all right. I'm going to go check in at the ranger's office." He smiled and I saw where Chris got his awesome smile.
I chuckled to myself and began to spread the tent out. I put the poles together and slid them into the actual tent aparatus and I heard a giggle behind me. I turned around to see Chris sprawled out on his sleeping bag, watching me. He grinned, "Good job, Inspector Gadget."
"Hey! Maybe you could help me.." I tried but I couldn't hold it in, I laughed and went back to work. Chris got up off the ground and sat down beside me and watched.
"That's a mighty fine job you're doin' there." He was close to me again. I could see him out of the corner of my eye. Before I could think anything else, he leaned in. He leaned in so close his cheek brushed against my ear, causing me to shiver involuntarily.
"You know," He said in a seductively soft voice, "When you get this done, maybe we can... go do something."
Oh God... this was a dream. I was going to wake up with a big wet spot in my boxer shorts and be all pissed off and sad. I'm gonna wake up any minute now... any minute now.
"We could go swimming... because you stink!" He fell on the ground and laughed. His laughter was so beautiful. I couldn't help but smile. God, this kid was so awesome. He took all the tension away.
Chris managed to stop laughing and nudged me with his elbow as he stood up. "I'm gonna go get our stuff out and you can finish this."
As God as my witness, I never ever had put a tent together that fast! After I got the thing up and functional, I called Chris and got only a muffled response. I looked over and saw only a pair of Nike Airs in the back of the car and after some wriggling, the rest of him appeared carrying his backpack, another athletic bag and my blue Adidas soccer bag. He steadied himself, grabbed the two sleeping bags, and lugged the whole thing over and tossed them in the tent.
"Whew.. I'm ready to go swimming. How about you?" He smiled.
"Uhhh... yeah. That sounds like fun."
"You don't sound too excited. I don't look THAT bad without a shirt on." He nudged me again and disappeared inside the tent. I stood there for a second listening to the rustling sounds as he changed clothes, the images began to take me over so I dummied up and tried to admire the sequoia trees all over the area. The place was really beautiful and I smiled as the warm afternoon and the glorious nature of what was happening lifted my spirits sky high. Suddenly, I felt a head on my shoulder.
"Did you miss me?" Chris asked in an angelic voice.
"Get off me." I said in mock anger and playfully elbowed him in the stomach. I got a good look at him and it felt like someone had taken my breath away. He was wearing the cutest pair of black swim trunks that I had ever seen. He was also sporting a spotless white t-shirt and Nike sandals. And the sunglasses, of course.
He laughed and pouted jokingly for a second, "The palace is all yours. I'm gonna be pissed if you get skidmarks all over the place, though."
I shuddered at the thought and he laughed again as I climbed into the tent and zipped the "door" closed. As I sat there I noticed something. In a pile on one side of the small tent was his clothes. His jeans and his dark blue t-shirt... and his green plaid boxer shorts. Suddenly I felt my hands start to shake and my stomach fluttered as I realized what I was looking at. Every passionate part of me wanted to touch his clothes and do some rather unkosher things, but something about it seemed wrong. It just didn't seem right to do such a thing. Chris was such a nice person and I respected his privacy.
I sighed and got control of myself and closed my eyes as I changed into my red swimtrunks. I ignored the rock hard nuisance between my legs as I pulled on a black t-shirt and slipped into my old Airwalks. One last deep breath and I climbed out of the tent....
It was SO warm that day that it seemed like the sun was going to ram right into the earthy. I felt bad for all the guys who had to spend the day back in smokey, smogy LA and couldn't be out here in the wonderful fresh air. We walked down the roadway that led to the swimming area on the river. As we walked down onto the sandy bank, I felt overwhelmed. The calm water was a blue-green color and the sun made it look so beautiful.
"Oh wow. Why the hell are we waisting time back in LA?" Chris said and laughed.
I mumbled in agreement as we walked down onto the beach/bank area and rolled out towels out. The only other people there was a woman with three little kids. They couldn't have been older than four years old a piece... littles kids are so adorable.
I was shocked back into the now as Chris pulled his shirt up and off... holy shit! It was like everything was happening in slow motion. I tried not to look too interested as I checked him out. His chest was wonderfully tanned and in that wonderful middle ground between ripped and chunky. His nipples were completely edible and about the size of pennies. A gorgeous strawberry color. His stomach wasn't chiseled but GodDAMN it was sooooo smooth and tan..
He sighed and closed his eyes as he let the sun shine on his face. He stretched his back and I knew that it was my turn. I hurredly pulled off my t-shirt and tossed it down on my towel. I could tell Chris was trying not to be too obvious as he was checking me out too. Before I could go careening over the edge into lust, he nudged me and we walked as casually as possible down into the water and we both jumped in at once. The water was KINDA cold....
Chris came up for air shortly after I did and shook his head, his blond pelt sending water drops everywhere, "Oh yes!! This feels SO good!!" He smiled and plunged back into the water. I couldn't help but laugh as I too went back into the water and swam in the pure extacy of the moment.
This was too perfect. The sun was shining. I was in this beautiful place and everything was going soooo well. My brothers were over 100 miles away from me. And I was falling in love with someone who was actually willing to consider loving me back.
After a nice long swim full of splashing and laughing. Laughing and splashing. Splashing and spitting. And after all the fun, we strolled back up to the campsite and I could tell that Chris and I had become so much closer in just the last few hours. I felt as though this guy who I had lusted after for SO long was more than just eye candy. He was a friend. He was really a friend. I smiled into the dusky forest as we were welcomed back by the nice sight of a fire. His dad was sitting by the fire.
"Hey guys. Did you have a good time?"
"Oh yeah.." Chris said, laughing, "Seeing my bathing beauty without a shirt on. It was almost too much."At first, I was petrified. I began to calculate how far I could get before his father could come after me with an axe. But Jim just laughed, "Well, I'll take that as a yes. Have some dinner, I'm going to bed." He tossed us a package of hot dogs and got up off the camp seat he was parked on. "Goodnight, you guys. Don't stay up too late."
"We'll try not to." Chris said and I thought I saw him smiling to himself...
As we sat there and ate, I realized that this couldn't go on the way it was. It would be too painful to have to sit here and go back and forth and THINK that maybe he had feelings for me. I couldn't just hang around with him and wonder. Things couldn't go on, no matter how much I wanted them too because I had to be truthful. Even if it meant giving up the love of my life...
"Oh God," Chris groaned as we fell into the tent, "I am soooo tired. I had a basketball game last night and went swimming today. I feel like I'm gonna fall apart."
I sighed and didn't say anything as I got into my sleeping back and took off my t-shirt. I settled back and tried to put off the inevitable.
"Hey... Josh... you ok?" He nudged me with his knee.
I didn't answer.
"Josh... talk to me. Are you ok? You got quiet while we were eating and now you won't say anything...." I could hear the concern in his voice. I had to choke back tears and wasn't too sucessful. I sniffled and wiped my eyes.
"Whoa. What's wrong, man?" Chris sounded really freaked out and he moved closer to me. He put his hand on my shoulder and I tensed up at the feeling of him on my bare skin. "What's wrong?"
"I--I--I don't think I can tell you." My lip quivered and I buried my face in my pillow. He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly.
"Hey, Josh, man... whatever it is... we can figure it out. We've known each other since 2nd grade. You can tell me anything." He took a deep breath and squeezed my shoulder again, "Anything..."
I took the biggest deepest breath I had ever taken. I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat, "Chris..." I stalled.
"What is it Josh? Just tell me and we'll deal with it later."
"I'm gay. I'm gay and I've been in love with you for a long time." I whispered and prepared myself for the impact.
I didn't know what would happen next. Would I feel his fists start to pound me or-- I didn't have much time to ponder as I felt both his hands on my shoulders. He began to gently massage my tense shoulders in long, deep squeezes. I couldn't help but sigh as his strong hands felt soooooo good...
"Josh, I know. I know EXACTLY how you feel." With that, the last of my emotional sanity left me and I began to sob into my pillow. All the tension and pain and angst that I had felt because of this whole thing began to work their way out of me. Chris gently ran his fingers through my hair, which caused me to shiver with pleasure.
"Hey, turn over. Turn over so I can look at you." His voice wavered and I could tell that he was trying not to lose it like I had. Rolling over onto my back, I looked over at his face. I'll never forget how he looked. He was on his side, I could only see about half of his face and his eyes looked just a little bit moist.
"Josh, all these years I've been looking at you from across rooms and hearing people say your name.. all that time I've wanted to be with you. I know that you've always felt the way you do. And--" He began to choke up. I reached over in the dark and held his hand. The soft warmth filling me with hope and absolute security.
"I've always felt the same way about you, Josh. I just need to know that you feel the way you do. I wanted so bad to tell you that night that we were at the party... but I couldn't. I just... I was scared.." He couldn't finish and began to cry softly in the dark. I braced myself and slid over next to him and hugged him, he whispered, "And I still want to be with you. I want us to be together forever."
The feeling of his warm body pressed against me felt so wonderful. I didn't even have an erection. All I cared about was that neither of us were alone anymore. No more wondering or loneliness. We had each other... we had the world in our hands.
Eventually he stopped crying and his breathing returned to normal as we layed there in the dark. Neither one of us wanting to say a word or move, not wanting to spoil the moment. We drifted off to sleep like that... and the last thought I remember was that we could finally start to live. We could both finally be really truly ALIVE.
To be continued...