Escaping Fate (complete

M Escaping Fate By Mardee Louise Prynne

It was a damp Sunday afternoon. I had put off studying for exams to go the main library at the end of the park. From there to the art museum a few yards along the parkway. I made it in time to find a seat for the free chamber music concert. The first half was to feature some twentieth century twelve tone music that was still radical and controversial. I had no idea what twelve tone meant nor what it would sound like. Classical music was new to me, something I discovered on my solitary rambling explorations of the city. It was also something that my family discouraged; the didn't want me going high hat' they said. "Just go into the family trade. You wont fit in with such people. They`ll look down on you... If you must go to college learn to be an accountant or something useful so you can at least take care of the business...Forget all that art and music stuff Wasting your time...Ballet! Just for fags. Modern dance? Even worse, it's so crazy"

My family and I compromised when I finished high school. I was learning the business and planning to college at night while deciding how far I wanted to go with Gina, the bookkeeper in our office. That was two years ago and things hadn't changed much. Working in the family tile business wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be especially with Gina still sending signals that she's available. I was willing to answer her signals only so far. Not that she wasn't really sexy but I knew once we did the deed she would get a ringing in her ears in the form of wedding bells. Like most girls in our neighborhood she had a strong urge to get away form her parents, get out of their house. The only acceptable way to do that was to marry.

It was that afternoon I learned firsthand why so many people despised the twelve tone scale. A lengthy composition by Alvin Berg was on the program. I thought it was awful and a waste of time. I stuck it out but my annoyance must have shown. There was this one kid who was seated nearby who glanced at me with a tolerant smile. I felt a strange stirring each time our eyes met. I was studying the program, grateful that the second half would be early twentieth century music, music I fell in love with and that I could understand. For reasons I couldn't understand I was glad that the girl who smiled at me had returned to her seat as the intermission ended.

That made no sense to me. She was medium height, very slender, and small on top. Older than she appeared at first glance, she was at least a high school junior, maybe even a senior. Not too young for me considering I had just finished high school a few months earlier. Where was my sense? We came from different worlds. What would a kid like that want with a mug like me? Besides, she was the sort of girl that the women in my family would think has `a condition,' their term for a chronic but non-fatal disease of any kind. Her hands were graceful, delicate even. No makeup nor did she need any. Bermuda shorts, knit polo shirt with what was probably a prep school emblem on the breast, saddle shoes over white ankle socks. A small watch fastened to her wrist by a narrow black suede band and a simple birthstone ring were all the jewelry she wore. Her hair, brown with auburn highlights, was cut short and parted on the left side with bangs that swept across her forehead highlighting her cat green eyes. The back of her hair barely brushed her collar. This girl was clearly comfortable with all kinds of music including hyper-modern twelve tone. It shook my self-confidence but I had to admit that her smile meant my discomfort was amusing her.

She was definitely a class act who had every right to be snobby when confronted with a guy like me, a guy, who despite his pretentiousness, was going to spend his life in the family tile business. I couldn't explain to myself why I was taking such careful mental notes of everything about this little doll seeing how obvious it was that we came from different worlds. I wondered if I would use her as a yardstick against which to measure the gum chewing blue collar girls from my own neighborhood, girls whose academic aspirations were to be good enough to get into the steno pool somewhere or do the bookkeeping in a small business. It's not these girls couldn't be attractive or desirable nor was it a matter of not having money. Some of the local families did very well financially by working with their hands but they were complacent. Lacked imagination and so remained stuck their own narrow world.

It was weird in an other way that I found myself attracted to this skinny little snob when I had no more than a casual interest at all in Gina nor any other of the truly curvaceous neighborhood girls who would have done almost anything to go steady with me as a prelude to getting married to a nice guy who was going to come into a very good business. It occurred to me that it might not be such a bad thing at that. A good looking wife like Gina who would appreciate a husband with a steady income and give me everything I needed was not without a certain appeal. The problem was me; I had ruined things for myself by learning to appreciate and even need culture and the arts. The girls who wanted me weren't able to share that kind of stuff with me and the girls who could would sneer at me like this kid was doing. I felt I had made a fool of myself. Worst of all, my family's advice was turning out to be right.

The concert over, I started to walk up the aisle when I felt a hand grasp my elbow. I turned to see Miss Snob smiling up at me. "Hi, I'm not usually this forward but you seemed put off when I smiled at you. I guess you thought I was having a laugh at your expense. I wasn't, not really. It's just that I feel so vindicated when that kind of music puzzles people. It may be all clever and very new but art, all art including music must be accessible." Heavy thinking, I noted to myself as she paused for breath. "I just want you to know that I wasn't making fun of you."

That stirring I felt and thought I pushed way was definitely back. I was at a loss for words. Even if Miss Snob had let me get a word in edgewise, I could think of nothing to say.

"Let me make it up to you by buying you a soda or a cup of coffee or something in the cafeteria...No, hey? I guess you have to get on with your day. Anyhow, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for acting like a jerk. You don`t have to say a word. That look on your face says your not interested in..."

"No, please. I really am interested. You weren't a jerk at all. It's just that I was kind of surprised that a really classy looking girl like you would even think of talking to someone like me. Anyhow, I'd love to have a cup of coffee with you but only if I treat. I was always taught that the gentleman treats the lady."

"Maybe we should go Dutch. I'm not at all sure I qualify as a lady."

"Come on. You're a really swank kid. Why would you say you're not a lady?"

"I've got my reasons." Her voice had taken on a solemn tone as a fleeting look of sadness clouded her bright green eyes. "Just let it go for now. Okay?"

I didn't think she really wanted me to answer. Maybe she went too far with some guy or else someone got too pushy and she felt bad because he said she was a cock teaser. She looked up at me as we slowly made our way along the crowded aisle toward the exit to the museum galleries. The sadness cleared from her eyes as our fingers brushed. She pressed my hand in hers and let it fall. I was glad we were moving so slowly because I wanted the moment to last.

"By the way, my name is Maddie."

"Really nice to know you Maddie. I'm Mitch. Say, is Maddie short for Madelyn?"

"Madison. It's Mummy`s maiden name."

We made our way down to the basement level cafeteria was located so that we had to passing through the gift shop on the way. Maddie stopped to look at some reproduction jewelry, particularly a bronze pendant. The figure was alluring but bizarre. It was a small female figure; a female with large breasts, rounded tummy and full hips. What made it so bizarre was the very obvious penis!

Maddie pointed at it through the case.

"Fascinating, isn't she? Her name's Bast."

"Well, different, anyhow," I agreed. "Maybe even unique."

"Do you really think so?"

"I don't know. Suppose I do. Its just that shes too different from anything I've ever seen . I can`t even imagine such a girl with...a girl like that." Somehow I couldn't bring myself to say penis, let alone dick, in front of this very attractive girl.

"Don't you know anything about myths?" She sounded almost accusatory. "Oh, I'm sorry. That came out wrong. Do you know anything about myths?"

"I've been trying to teach myself about the ancient Greek myths. Maybe I'll move on to Roman stuff when I'm done with that."

"Good. Then there's hope for you." Her voice was playful now. "There are other bodies of myth, though. Bast here is Egyptian." She concluded her brief lecture by smiling at me. She squeezed my hand, and went back to looking at the little brass figure.

I know I should have been annoyed at her superior attitude but I was finding it more than a little sexy. Then, as we kept looking at the image of Bast, a really weird thought came to me. Suppose there were girls with pricks; that would weird, weird but kind of interesting.

Maddie took a tray and handed it to me. After we selected a couple of pastries, she got a hot chocolate for herself and a coffee for me. She was too quick for me when we reached the cashier. Much to my annoyance she paid before I could pull out my wallet.

"I thought I was going to pay or we were going Dutch."

"You said that. I didn't, so there. Just sit down and let's enjoy our chat."

And enjoy it we did. Her voice, surprisingly mellow for a girl so young and petite, had a musical lilt to it. Maddie had this marvelous way of tilting her head as smiled. A tingle went through me every time she reached across the table and touched my hand with her finger tips. What was perturbing was that she would suddenly pull her fingers away as if she had touched something that was hot, so hot that it burned her.

We stopped in the lobby so Maddie could get her coat and bag from the check room. I held the coat for her as she slipped it on. It was on off white, plaid lined rain coat that was just so in with prep school and ivy league types back in the fifties. She had a bag that she referred to as her dance bag.

"I had class before I came here..." She blanched as she stopped speaking. I turned to look over my shoulder and saw a large neatly dressed man. There was something really tough, even menacing about this guy. Was the hard guy look he projected what upset her or was there more to it than that?

I turned back to Maddie, took her arm and leaned close to her as I spoke. "I'm seeing you home. That is I`d like to see you home."

"Mitch, you don't have to. I can take care of myself. There's really nothing to be concerned about."

"Look, I know we'll probably never see each other again `cause we come from different worlds and a really swell kid like you doesn't need a mug like me. It's just that I won't feel right if I didn't see you home. And don't tell me otherwise, but that big guy over there, you know something about him and it isn't anything good."

"Okay, Mitch. You're right. Promise me one thing though. If I let you see me home, I want you to promise to stop selling yourself short."

"Okay but tell me one thing. Did you know that hard looking man in there?"

"Oh, him. I didn't realize it showed on my face. He just reminded me of someone I once knew."

That ended any illusion about me being gallant in seeing Maddie home. No reason to complain. My bad read of the incident motivated me enough that I would be spending a little more time with this classy little doll.

We exited the museum onto Eastern Parkway. The sun was starting to burn away the clouds. Maddie reached into her dance bag and took out a beret with a sewn on emblem that matched the one on her polo shirt. That made it clear she did go to some kind of private school.

"I'm sorry I can't drive you home `cause my car's in the shop." I managed to say it but it came out with awkward hesitation.

"You must think I'm some sort of spoiled brat who can't ride a bus or subway...Here hold this." She thrust her dance bag and pocketbook into my hand. "Be a dear and hold that while I fix my laces."

I watched as she knelt to retie her shoes. Her Bermudas pulled taught over her cutely curved tush to show me some panty lines. No curved seam of the gusset showed. Guess you can't win them all. Get real, Mitch, I told myself. Don't get too attracted to this little lady because she'll only hurt you.

"We can even walk to my house from here. It's not all that long. It'll give some more time to get to know each other but only if you feel up to it. It isn't exactly what you would call a short walk but then again, it isn`t too long at all."

Her tone was both playful and challenging. I was about to accept her challenge despite my instinct telling me that the better we got to know each other, the more hurt I would be when it ended which, I was certain, would be pretty close to the start of what little would ever be between us. A moment later the rumble of thunder and a sudden wind made walking a foolish option.

"We're going to be soaked if we walk. I'll take a taxi home." She flagged down a passing taxi and was about to give me a good-bye kiss, so I hoped. Like the gentleman I was aspiring to be, I opened the door of the cab and she threw her dance bag onto the seat and turned to face me. I could just about taste that kiss when I felt her hand on the small of my back. It led me to expect more than a simple good-bye peck on the cheek. It turned out to be a bad assumption, at least for the moment. "Get in the cab...just get in, now."

Maddie's hand on my back half guided me, half pushed me into the cab.

"Just relax. You're not being kidnapped. There's no need for you to get soaked when I can drop you at any subway station. Why do you look so surprised?"

"I dunno. I can't figure you out. First of all a real classy girl like you even bothers to talk to a guy like me, let alone have coffee with me and pay for it on top of everything else. Next thing I know, I'm walking you home and now you say you care that I might get soaked. I just can't understand why an elegant girl like you..."

"Listen, Mitch," she interrupted. "You're good looking, well spoken and attractive. I think it's wonderful that you're getting into the finer, more beautiful things of life on your own. It`s just so neat to find a nice guy who is out to find the stuff that makes life special." She pressed my hand in hers before she continued. "And besides, maybe I'm not the girl you see me as. So don't try to figure me out just relax and enjoy the ride."

"Thanks for trying to make me feel better about myself...To be honest...Well, I thought you decided to take a cab because you had second thoughts about me walking you home"

Maddie threw herself into the corner of the cab and glared at me.

"Mitch, the only thing I might have given me second thoughts is how hurt you would feel if you were ever to realize how totally different I am from that classy young lady' you think youre seeing."

She paused as a wry smile crossed her features.

"Just for that, Mitch. I'm not dropping you anywhere. You are going to see me home."

I was dumbfounded as she smiled warmly at me. To my further surprise, Maddie put her foot on my lap. Her heavy saddle shoe didn't lessen the thrill as she provocatively stretched her leg.

"Mitch, I really meant what I said about you being hurt if I were to disillusion you. I'm really flattered that you find me so attractive and I'm really attracted to you, too. Don't say it. I can guess what you're thinking. We're from different worlds and opposites attract but it can never work out. You're probably right but that shouldn't stop us from ending our afternoon on a friendly, happy note. Let this be an afternoon we remember as a chance encounter that gave us a few pleasant memories? "

She swung her feet to the floor, slid closer to me, gave me a peck on the cheek and leaned against me. The cab wove its way through a warren of narrow, winding streets through the one of the older sections of town. I stared out the window at some of the older town houses that spoke of old money or at least of new money with taste. Some of the streets had a few businesses that seemed upscale even if they were as ordinary as groceries or pharmacies.

"A penny for your thoughts." Maddie's soft voice drew me out of my reverie.

"Nice neighborhood."

"It has its points."

The cab stopped in front of what once must have been a very regal townhouse but which had since been divided into apartments with commercial space on the ground and first floors.

"Be it ever so humble..." I began.

"Come off it, Mitch. That's mean and its not worthy of a really nice boy like you.. Thats Mummys store," her voice took on an air of pride. As she nodded toward the two shops on the ground level, I wasn't sure which store she was referring to. One was a used book store and the other seemed to sell artifacts and antiques of different kinds. The two businesses on the first level were a dance supply store and something I couldnt quite figure out. There were no large signs, just simple, discreet brass plaques.

The cab pulled away and left us lingering on the sidewalk. She entwined her fingers in mine as she faced me.

"At least come in the vestibule so we can say good-bye and stay dry. Or haven't you noticed its still raining. Of course you can put off the inevitable by having some cold supper with us before you head home."

I nodded although I was unsure what I meant to say by that simple gesture. I was positive that her use of the word 'inevitable' meant that she was brushing me off, that despite what she was saying about me she never wanted to see me again.

"Just remember, Mitch. It's just for today. Something sweet we can both remember with no bitterness, no recriminations and no remorse."

"Damn it, Maddie. Why do you keep thinking that this could get to be some big deal forever romance between us? Don't tell me it's not because you're a really high class girl, a real lady and I'm just a blue collar slob..."

"Don't tell me what I am. I've already told you that things aren't always what they seem to be. Just believe me that you'd be really hurt if you got to know anything more about me. I think it would be better if you left now."

I stared at Maddie waiting for something to happen.

"Just go, Mitch. If you must know, I'm sorry I ever smiled at you; sorry I ever struck up a conversation with you. It's nothing you did, nothing you said, nothing about you at all. It's about me so just go now and promise me you'll never try to see me again."

She dropped her dance bag, put hand behind my head and pulled my face to hers as she kissed me. I wanted to get out of there, get away from this crazy bitch but I responded to her kiss as her tongue found its way into my mouth. My hands were on her butt as she wrapped her legs around me. Then, as if by mutual agreement, the kiss ended.

I glanced back at Maddie as I walked out the door. Tears were running down her cheeks.

The taxi pulled up in front of the house. "Hey, pal. Your lady friend forget her little hat." I slipped him a buck for his trouble and looked at the emblem on the beret. Now I knew where she went to school. Not that it meant anything to me but the emblem had the name of the school and a town in Connecticut on it.

It had been one hell of an afternoon. I learned why twelve tone music was so controversial and I learned a lot else. One was how easy it is to be attracted to someone who's totally wrong for you. The main lesson was that I was going to stick with my own kind of girl. Then why was I working so hard to memorize the name of the school Maddie attended and how to find that out of the way street on which she lived?

It was time to find my way back to a subway station and begin the return ride out of this strange neighborhood with all its galleries and avant garde shops, back to a world where people understand who they are and don't play mystery games about not being what they obviously are and how you'd be hurt if you understood them and all that other stuff. Then I realized I was still holding Madddie's beret in my hand. I stopped in my tracks and all but started to run back to return her silly little hat before I thought better of it. I resumed my walk to the subway. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

My first stop after getting off the subway was a corner cigar store where I called Gina from the phone booth.

"Gina, it's me, Mitch."

"Yeah, like I might not recognize your voice."

"Wanna have dinner with me? Dinner tonight, I mean."

"That'll be swell but it is Sunday and you know what that means."

"Yeah, family dinner. Sorry to have bothered you."

"Say, how about we go for a walk and get a soda later."

"That'd be super. I'll come by for you."

"Oh, my cousin's here. Could Patsy come with us?"

Shit, I thought. It was those few painful hours with Maddie, fraught with promise but delivering only frustration had motivated me to make up for lost time with Gina. How the hell could I push myself to get something started with Gina if her cousin Patsy was tagging along.

"Mitch, make up your mind. Either we don't get together tonight or Patsy comes with us."

"Sure, Patsy can come with us. Why not?"

A couple of hours later I walked over to Gina's. She and the cutest kid were coming down the porch steps as I walked up. It wasn't the same Patsy I remembered. That was a pain in the butt boy named Pasquale. (The diminutive for Pasquale is Passy but it is often shifted to the more American sounding Patsy.) No one seemed to notice that outside of the Italian neighborhoods of Boston and New York Patsy was a name usually reserved for girls.

Patsy was small with hazel eyes that contrasted with her dark hair. A swan like neck was emphasized by a French sailor shirt that was loosely draped over a narrow body. A hint of breasts pushed against the soft fabric. A wave of anxiety swept over me as I responded to this graceful sylph-like being. Patsy was adorable but there was something familiar about the kid and that disturbed me.

"Mitch, you remember my cousin Patsy...Got out of high school a year ago and finally found the right college." Gina wasn't too keen over the way I was looking at her little cousin.

"Really? Can`t say I remember meeting her before."

Whatever I said brought a knowing grin to their faces. Gina was about to say something when Patsy nudged her. Whatever I said apparently touched on some sort of insider joke.

"Say, Mitch, I bet you thought I was just beginning high school or something. Everybody does." Patsy's voice was a velvet smooth alto that made the short hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"Well..." I tried to avoid answering. "So where you gonna go to college?"

"It's a small school called Tiresias Academy.' Almost no ones ever heard of it; least no one I know, no one around here."

"Sounds kind of familiar. I know that name from somewhere."

Patsy gave me this look that was half smile, half smirk.

"The name I mean, not the school," I added by way of explanation.

I mulled over the name Tiresisas in my mind. This is where, thought I, my poking around in culture was going to pay off. It took a minute but I finally remembered where I had come across the name.

"Sophocles, he was a Greek guy along time ago. He wrote this play I saw about a guy called Oedipus. He went to see a blind prophet named Tiresisas who told about this weird stuff that was going to happen to him. Oedipus tries ot beat fate by leaving his home town to get away from his father and mother but he doesn't know that they're not really his parents. He gets into a fight with these guys on the road. He kills them and but he doesn't know one of the guys he kills is his real father. Later on he outwits a sphinx in this other city and as a reward he gets to marry the queen who's his real mother."

"Gross!" commented Gina. "Mitch, that is sick, really, really sick..."

"Gina, it may be sick; it may be gross but it's a famous ancient Greek play." Patsy cut off Gina in mid-sentence. "The point of the play is that Oedipus couldn't escape his fate no matter what he did. Mitch, I think it's swell that you know about that stuff. Most boys around here are such jerks when it comes to that kind of thing."

We sat around on Gina's back porch talking about all kinds of things. Gina kept trying to bring the conversation back to the Brooklyn Dodgers while Patsy and I discussed how Oedipus, despite trying to run away couldn't escape his fate. Gina finally joined in.

"You see, Mitch, this ought to tell you that you can't help taking over your father's business. Maybe it's about time you noticed there's someone who thinks your fate and hers go together. Now just stop talking about that disgusting play. It`s making me feel sick."

I'm sure lots of people don't like plays about incest but Gina's outburst seemed extreme.

Her shoulders heaved slightly as a sigh punctuated her softly spoken declaration. The moonlit night glinted off the tears that rolled down her cheeks. May be she's right I thought to myself. Could be we are fated to be together but she might deserve better than me. Patsy smiled at me, walked to the back door, blew me a kiss and left me with Gina.

"Night, Patsy." Gina smiled up at me. We didn't make eye-contact right off because I was busy watching Patys disappear down the back hall of Gina's house.

Gina took my hand as I looked down at her. She leaned her soft cheek against my wrist. I was aware of my dick even though it wasn't hard just yet. The problem was that I wasn't sure whether my condition was due to Gina or to Patsy.

My mind started racing between images of Maddie, Gina, and Patsy. In my mind's eye I kept seeing Bast, the goddess with a dick!

I was only half aware that Gina had tugged me down so that I was sitting on the arm of her Adirondack style chair. She leaned her head on my thigh as I absentmindedly stroked her soft hair. A few seconds later I was sitting on the chair with Gina who then managed to kneel straddling my thighs as she kissed me. My hands slipped under her full skirt and cupped the warm nylon panties that clung to her luscious bottom. The scene ended abruptly as the screen door banged open and then slammed shut. Gina slid off me and pulled her skirt down while I tried to conceal my hard-on. That there was no yelling told me it was someone other than Gina's dad.

"Gina, you guys better break this up. Your dad is wondering what you two could possibly be up to out here at this hour."

"Thanks for the warning. Patsy, you're a real pal." Gina smiled at her cousin and headed inside but not before we managed one more kiss. I didn't push it because it was only a matter of minutes before Gina's dad would storm out of the house and I wasn't ready to die.

"Gina, there's a concert at the museum next Sunday. Wanna come with me and we can get something to eat after?"

"Mitch, I would love to do almost anything with you but you know that stuff always makes me feel like I don't know anything. And besides my father doesn't want any of us to be away from Sunday dinner.

"There's a new Doris Day flick at the Bijou. Maybe we can go see that one night. Call me, okay?"

She hurried down the hall before I could answer. What ever I answered wouldn't have mattered. Gina acted like she really wanted me to ask her out but she either found a reason to turn me down or back out at the last minute.

"Wait here for me, Mitch. I'll be out in five minutes."

"Sure, Patty." I nodded wondering what Patsy wanted to talk to me about. Then it hit me. There was only one cousin Patsy. I hadn't seen Patsy in so long that I was totally unaware of how his effeminate qualities had evolved into a unbelievably accurate facsimile of a girl It didn't really matter because I always had a soft spot for Gina's cousin who lived on the edge of our neighborhood. There must have been some family problems at the kid's home because, for as long as I could remember, Patsy always spent a lot of time at Gina's ven sleeping over for several nights at a time.

"Mitch, I'd like it of you walk home with me. I have this feeling of foreboding, like something awful's going to happen soon."

"Sure, Pat. That would be okay."

"Please don't call me that. It sounds so rough and I may be all kinds of things but rough isn't one of them. Patsy's like that too, in a way. Both sound so Moustache Charley." (Moustache Charley- a derisive term used by second and third generation Italian Americans to describe men who are too greenhorn, too old world in their ways.)

"How does Patty sound?"

"Please do call me Patty."

"Okay, then Patty is who you are with me from now on."

I couldn't believe what happened next. Patty brushed up against me as we walked along and I almost took his hand as if he were a real girl instead of just some fairy cousin of a girl I knew!

"Mitch, please don't think I'm butting in but there are some things you should know before you get more involved with Gina. Tell me if I'm stepping on toes.

"You're turning out ot be a really classy guy. Gina's smart but she's kept down by her father. He also resents you `cause Gina wants to go steady with you."

"That's not news. All Italian fathers are oer protective when it comes to their daughters."

"Mitch, take it form me; this is pretty far out of the ordinary. You know that I spend a lot of time with Gina but you don't know the reasons why. There were problems at my house but those ended when my parents separated. And that was never the reason I spend all that time with Gina. First of all she accepts me for what I am so I owe her. She needs me there to run interference, to protect her from her father, from things I can't talk to you about yet; maybe never.

"Just be careful. If her dad loses it, he'll kill her or you or both of you.

"Gina wants you because she loves you and I understand that." Patty looked away as he spoke. He paused before going on. "Besides, and this may sound catty, like I'm jealous or something, but Gina can never desere you...I know you like her and all that but I also know that when you invited to her to that concert, you wanted to raise her up, educate her sort of so you both can share the things that make living special. I felt so badly for you when she put it down." Another long pause as Patty gathered the strength to say what was on his mind.

"Mitch, please don't beat me up for what I'm about to say..."

"Patty, you're much too nice, much too good, much too caring for me to ever want to beat up ...or for me to allow anyone to hurt."

"You may feel differently after I say this. Mitch, I would never turn you down if you wanted to help me grow so that we could spend time together, even if it's..."

"Then suppose you come to the concert with me next Sunday."

"Oh, God. Mitch, you just made me so happy. Even if you change youre mind, I'll always remember this moment."

"Patty, there's no way I'm breaking this date ; get it, `date.'"

Oh, Mitch. This is so neat...Even if you're doing this to get Gina's attention or get back at her..."

I stepped in front of Patty and looked into his eyes. He was frightened by my sudden move.

"Mitch, I'm sorry of I upset you. I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't mean to. You promised you wouldn't hurt me..."

I drew Patty against me and draped my arms over his shoulders. Cupping his bottom in my hands, I lifted him so that are faces met. The kiss was tentative at the start but melted into a kiss that promised more.

"Does that seem like I'm not for real when I say we have a date? Does that seem like I'm using to get Gina's attention?"

Patty looked up at me and shook her head. The second kiss was at least as good as the first.

It was a pretty long walk to the apartment house where Patty lived. It was a six story pre-war building. What blew my mind was the doorman.

"I'd ask you up but Mummy's out and I didn't tell her I was bringing a boy, er, anyone home with me."

"That's okay. Some other time, maybe."

"Definitely."

Patty glanced over her shoulder to see to see if the doorman was looking our way. He wasn't. She, er, he kissed me on the cheek and I didn`t really care if the doorman or anyone else saw it..

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"Gina, you keep nibbling those crackers you'll lose your figure."

Gina smiled blandly at the other clerk and went back to sorting out the mail.

"Scuse me. I'll be right back." For the second time that morning she walked quickly to the bathroom

Mitch's dad looked thoughtfully at the girl as she disappeared into the small lavatory set aside for the girls who worked in the office. He closed the door and walked to the large class window that overlooked the warehouse floor and laoding area. Mitch was nowhere to be seen. The other window overlooked the showroom and sales area. Still no Mitch.

Mr. Santoro leaned back in his chair, clasped his hands behind his head and thought for a few minutes. He remembered that Mitch was out a a construction site overseeing delivery and installation at a new apartment complex.

"Gina, please come in here,' he said to the intercom.

"Yes, Mr. Santoro. What is it?"

"First of all, you know how to say my first name so use it. You're not yourself this last week or so. You sick? Maybe you should see a doctor, take a few days to rest...with full pay."

"No, no. I hate staying home. It's just that I have a lot on my mind lately. Really nothing for you to concern yourself over."

Gennaro Santoro nodded.

"Have it your way."

Gina returned to her desk and busied herself with her work. Gennaro Santoro phoned his wife.

"Met me for lunch but come here first. I want you to look at Gina and tell me what you think...Nah, I'm not gonna tell you why I ask. I want you to figure it out and see if I'm guessing right."

"I know what you're wondering. I'm sure she's carrying a baby. The crackers, the trips to the toilet. Gennaro, did our son get her in trouble?"

"I dunno. Let's take him out for lunch and ask him flat out. He phoned when you were on your way here. Said he was leaving that job site. Jimmy was gong to drop him at his mechanics so he could get his car. Jimmy just got back with the truck so Mitchll be along in a few minutes."

"No, Ma. I swear I never even touched her. You know I don't see her alone that often. Besides, I'm not looking to get tied down with a wife just yet. Nothing against Gina. I like her and all but I don't think it could ever work out between us. Not over time. Theres just something about her that doesnt fit together."

"We believe you." Shirley Santoro looked at her husband and nodded. She had spoken for both of them.

"That girl is definitely in trouble though and I think its only right we help her out."

"We gotta do something just in case you're right about her having a baby. Her father will kill her when he finds out."

My parents looked at me after that last comment. The look told me they agreed. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"Mitch? Hi. This is Patty. Gosh, that sounds so right especially when I'm talking to you. That's not why I called, though."

"Hi Patty. I'm flattered that you called me. How you doing?"

"I'm doing just fine. Let's skip the small talk."

"You sound serious."

"Mitch, I am. Just listen to me. About Sunday night..."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I know you didn't recognize me right off so don`t say you did.. You thought I was a girl and we both got caught up in a game of pretending. I don't want you to wake up hating yourself when the pretending ends."

"Jesus! I'm not pretending any damned thing. What's wrong with us going to a concert together?"

"Nothing, but it's just that you called it a date. That's no problem for me but what about for you?"

"Come off it, Patty. Can't you tell when a guy is kidding around?"

Okay, so I'm lying. I wasn't kidding at all. I really wanted to date Patty; not just this one time but to really go out with her, hold her close and maybe even get past first base. What the hell's wrong with me lately? First I get all hot and bothered over that Maddie kid who I'll never see again and now I'm worried that Patty won't see me. Patty! I'm must be going queer.

"Mitch, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"The other thing is that I'm afraid that Gina..."

"Let's leave Gina out of this for now. You yourself said she put me down when I asked her to the concert with me."

"Mitch, it's just that Gina has a problem right now so this isn't the time to do anything that might hurt her."

"You really want to get out of seeing me, don't you."

"No, Mitch. Seeing you is definitely something I don't want to get out of. We have to talk though."

"Remember when you said you would definitely have me up your house?"

"Of course I do."

"Then what about tomorrow night?"

"You're on."

"You're expected, sir. Fourth floor rear. Just take the right hand elevator up and I'll let them know you're on your way."

I wasn't sure of how to handle this so I just said thanks and did as the doorman said.

The door at the end of the hall was open and framing Patty as she stood back lighted by the light of the apartment foyer. I know; I just said she but for whatever unconscious reason I was thinking of Patty as a girl almost all the time. Did I dare let her in on this? It turned out I didn't have to because it would have been meaningless.

Patty stepped aside to allow me to enter the apartment. She smiled at me as she closed the door behind us. "Like me this way?" My look of surprised amazement answered her question even before I could speak. The words began to pour of Patty's pretty mouth at sixty miles an hour.

"God, I'm so relieved. I figured there was no halfway. You were either going to beat the crap out of me or it would happen like your face is saying to me right now. Mitch, your eyes are so expressive, I just love them. But weve really got to talk. Youve got to be sure that this is real for you and I sure as hell don`t want to hurt Gina. She really has a thing for you. Most of all I just want you to come out of this okay,"

"Whoa! Take a breath and let me take a good look at you. Jesus, Mary and all the Saints! You're a doll."

Patty stepped into the lighted center of the foyer, put one hand on her hip and extended the other in a playful imitation of a fashion model. Patty was wearing a light blue sleeveless blouse over white shorts that barely covered the cheeks of her round little bottom. Her legs were incredibly shapely and well toned considering her slender build. Thin white cotton socks left me wondering if her ankles were as beautifully sculpted as the rest of her superb legs. Light blue tennis sneakers contrasted with the socks. As she turned slowly in her parody of a fashion model I could see the outline of straps under her blouse. Training bra or little girl's undershirt? Both images flitted through my head. Each one could have gotten me rock hard if they were real. Well, I could always hope for the best.

Patty put her index finger over my lips. The tiny bit of lipstick and makeup she wore enhanced her already wonderful face.

"Mitch, quiet. Just listen to me. This is serious. I know I was all excited a minute ago but it was real excitement, not some kind of act. I really am thrilled that you're accepting me for what I am, at least for now. Remember when I said something about pretend games? Well, I've been playing pretend games ever since I can remember. Only for a long time now I'm not sure which is the pretend game person and which is the real me.

"I always liked to act like a girl even when I was very little. I never outgrew it. I would scream bloody murder when I had to be a boy, dress like a boy, do boy things. I hated it but I had to learn to do it.. Acting like a boy was the pretend part for me. I was never very good at it so I got beat up a lot in school. Mother consoled me, indulged my girl interests. My father kept giving her ultimatums. She finally threw him out. Good thing she did or he would have driven me to despair or madness or worse.

"If you're okay with me, with who I am and what I am, we can enjoy being together until we one of us wakes up to reality. Is that okay with you, Mitch?"

"It's more than okay with me. And, Patty, I don't ever want to wake up to any reality that doesn't include you."

"Thanks for being so sweet." She gave me a light kiss on the lips as she took my hand. "Come inside. It's time you met Mother." Then she added softly in an aside I hoped was playful, "It's what's often done on a first date. You did say date, didn't you?"

I could have said I meant Sunday but that would only delay facing what I had said and had meant to say to Patty. Sooner or later I would have to accept that I told Patty that we had a date to go to a concert on Sunday. Patty was a neat kid; bright, pretty, sexy, attractive, a good dresser, but no matter how you described her she still had a prick and that made her a boy. And where I was growing up thinking twice about someone like Patty was something you never owned up to even to yourself. Then again, Patty was different.

So what did that make me? It wasn't like I was looking to get close to a boy, not even a boy like Patty. Hell! When I saw her at Gina's I hadn't the foggiest notion that this Patsy was the same annoying kid who used to stay at Patty's so often. Anyone would have seen her as a girl and a really attractive girl at that. Okay then. I really don't give a hoot in hell about what anyone thinks or says. I was drawn to Patty when I thought she was a real a girl. Nothing about her has changed so I have no reason to be ashamed of wanting to date her. One thing for sure though and that's that I'm not going to go telling anyone at home or in my neighborhood the details of this doll I'm dating.

I nodded and smiled. Patty sealed my destiny, at least my short term destiny, on the spot. She turned to go into the hall leading from the foyer and took my hand as I followed behind her. As she did, she slipped her thumb under her shorts, hooked the hem of her panties and tugged her panty hem lower to fully cover her nether cheek. Even before she adjusted the bottom of her shorts I knew I was done for.

Patty showed me into a small room best described as a study or office an immediately announced, "I`m going to fix my face. Oh, this is my mom, Dr. Falcone. Mom, this is Mitchell." She vanished down the hall leaving me to face her mother, Dr. Falcone no less.

Shelves of books interspersed with small statues and framed photographs covered much of the wall space. The woman seated at the desk rose to greet me. Although taller and fuller bodied than Patty there was no mistaking that this the mother of the oddly unclassifiable pixie who was so enchanting me against my will.

"Hello, Mitchell. I'm delighted to meet you. There are so few young men who have the courage to admit that they're drawn to someone like Patty as you call her. Fewer still would dare to call attention to the fact they would associate even casually with Patty, let alone see her as you plan to see her."

I was struck that Patty's mom referred to Patty as `she.' In my house any guy who showed the least sign of being effeminate was suspect. Even my interest in cultural matters was less than adequately machismo. Dr. Falcone no t only accepted patty but it was pretty clear that she actively supported Patty's chosen role of being a girl. I wondered if Patty's mom was some kind of far out psychologist who thinks anything goes. That thought led me to be guarded in my conversation. I didn't realize I was so transparent.

"Mitchell, you don't have to edit what you say to me. I'm not the kind of doctor you think I am. My degrees are in art history. I'm not going to make anything you don't mean out of what you have to say. Just call me Maria. That should put you at ease."

Meanwhile Patty slipped back into the room just as Maria stepped from behind her desk and motioned for me to sit down. Patty and I sat on a small couch. Her hand was close to mine but I didn't dare hold it for two reasons. One because it was something you didn't do the first time you met your girl's parents. The other was more personal. Even though Patty's mom praised me about being able to del with someone like Patty, Patty was still, under it all, a boy and I wasn't sure I could overthrow all the stuff about queers that had been drummed into my head by everything in my narrow world.

My so-called natural instincts must have been intact because I could take my eyes off Maria. She wore a dark turtle neck sweater set off by a silver chain and antiqued pendant. A loosely fitted skirt flowed over her hips and fell to mid-calf. Boots, not very common at that time, concealed the parts of her legs that would have been visible and left me fantasizing over what they might be like. I didn't wonder for long.

Maria sat down, put one leg across the other thigh in a very matter of fact but revealing manner and pulled off one boot. She repeated the performance with the other boot. Her legs, and I could see that for myself from her toes to the tops of her stockings, were as attractive as the rest of her. I might have embarrassed myself with my unabashed staring except for Patty, thankfully, putting her hand on mine and pressing lightly.

Something else hit me during that conversation. Patty had a pretty supportive and very rational home situation. Why then did she spend so much time at Gina's house with her loud mouth father?

Patty suggested we go for a walk so that her mom could get back to writing this article for some obscure scholarly journal. It gave me an opportunity to ask about her staying at Gina's.

"Mitch, what I tell you now goes to the grave with you. Swear it."

"I swear on my soul's salvation."

"It was for Gina's protection. Her father's been molesting her since she was about ten."

Poor Gina had been living a nightmare and I was indifferent to her. I felt like shit. I must have said something without thinking because Patty was soothing my conscience.

"Mitch, you can't go beating yourself up over something you didn't know. Believe me, Mom thought of every way to intervene, to get Gina out. The best and safest course was to have me there as often as possible."

The irony of the situation was evident to me even as Patty told me what she knew. Here's Patty, a boy who wants to live like a girl, who is supported emotionally and loved in a literate and civilized home. Gina, a beautiful girl who looks like she has everything going for her, is living in a nightmare at the hands of the person who should be giving her the life and love she deserves. I needed some space to figure out what I could do to help Gina.

Maria was finishing a phone conversation just as Patty and I returned from our walk. Her shocked pallor told us something was very wrong. Gina had rescued herself but in so doing had retreated from the world.

This is about as accurately as Patty and I could reconstruct the events of that afternoon.

"Unlock this door, you little tramp! Who did this to you?"

Gina screamed from the other side of the door. "You know damned well! You, you did this to me. You've been raping since I was twelve. You come near me again and I'll kill myself on the spot! I shouldve killed myself years ago when you started doing things to me. What if it is a mortal sin? I don't care because Ive been living in the hell you made for me since I was a little girl. The real hell can`t be any worse."

Gina retreated to the back wall of her bedroom as her father forced his way through the door. Her father flung her to the floor and slowly walked toward her. As he stood over her thighs and reached for her hair, Gina drove her foot into his crotch. A silent scream was all he could manage as he fell to his knees. Years of rage erupted from the girl as she grabbed a high heeled shoe and smashed it against her father's face. He was dazed and helpless as the girl pounded him further into insensibility. He fell back and struck his head against the corner of Gina's dresser.

When the police arrived Gina was huddled in the corner, her arms wrapped around her knees. Her father had suffered irreversible brain damage when his head hit the dresser. I just hope he knew enough to remember that Gina did it to him and that it was no worse than he deserved.

Poor Gina wasn't pregnant. It was what the psychiatrists called a phantom pregnancy. It was an attempt to get her father to leave her alone. She was going to be hospitalized for a long time and would probably need therapy for an even longer time after that. At least she was free of the man who had stolen her childhood, the man who should have protected, should have made her feel good about herself.. So much for loving, protective, normal families headed by normal men. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

A few days later Maria and Gina took the train to Long Island to visit Gina in the private sanitarium where she was being treated. Maria was petitioning the court for guardianship of Gina and was guaranteeing too pay the uncovered part of the cost of Gina's treatment.

Maria left Patty and Gina alone together to sign some documents in the business office. Gina had recognized them and was glad to see people who made her feel protected and loved. She had begun to confront her feelings of guilt and of anger which led to periods of weepiness.

"Patty, I feel so filthy, so goddamned filthy. There are some people I need to apologize to."

"Gina, honey, you didn't do any thing wrong. You were the victim..."

"I know you mean well but I have to say these things. Do you think Mitch would forgive me if I tell him how sorry I am? Maybe you could tell him for me."

"What should you feel sorry for?"

"Don't try to soothe me. I had a real thing for Mitch, I wanted to be with him, wanted him to take care of me, to love him in every way I could but whenever he made a move toward me I pushed him away. I couldn't help myself but I felt like the worst kind of tease. Every time he asked me out I would turn him down no matter what where he wanted to take me. It was because if Daddy found out I was with a boy he might go ape on me and on Mitch. Now I know I was so afraid Mitch would hate me `cause I didn't save my cherry for him."

"Gina, no one will hate you for something that wasn't your choice. Do you want to tell Mitch yourself?"

She bit her lip so hard that Patty was afraid it would bleed. Gina cried softly as she rocked to and fro. After a minute or two she nodded.

"I'll tell him myself but not yet. Promise me you won't let daddy hurt me if I do." /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"So what you're saying is that Gina has a really long haul ahead of her before she can get by on her own."

Patty reached across the table and rested her hand on mine. That was answer enough. I had no idea that the conversation was going to turn to Gina when Patty and I planned to meet for lunch. Maybe we both thought it might because we chose an off time in an out of the way restaurant near Patty's. Now that the turmoil around Gina was settling down my folks felt I had better resume my regular hours at the business.

Patty had no reason to visit my neighborhood now that Gina was no longer around. She was now totally committed to being a girl on a full time and very convincing basis. This should have turned me off but I was more and more attracted to her.

On this occasion she was dressed in off white linen Bermuda shorts and a short sleeved blue blouse. Knee socks and penny loafers did nothing to detract from her terrific legs. The small shoulder purse she carried matched the Cordovan leather of her penny loafers. Her hair, longer now, was held behind ears by matching barrettes. She chewed on the ear pieces of her harlequin sun glasses.

"Like the way my hair looks? Almost long enough for a pony tail. Think that I would look good that way?"

"Patty, you look good to me any way you wear your hair."

As we stood in the bright sunshine outside I looked Patty over pretty carefully as she bent over to pull up a sock. The hemline showing through her Bermudas told me she was wearing panties. Well, what else would she be wearing?. There was no way she could be mistaken for a boy so again I figured what the hell. I took her hand and kept holding it as we walked back toward her street. Patty responded by moving closer to me as we walked. I wasn't sure when or how it happened but soon we had an arm around each other's waist. Patty paused, turned to face me and gave me spontaneous kiss pressing against me as she did. A jolt went through me as I felt the back of her bra through her blouse. Each time something like that happened, something that reassured me Patty was totally a girl despite her dick, a sexual joy, a joy that was akin to arousal but not quite the same, went through me in ever new ways.

"Mitch, I know we've been taking advantage of your dad but please come up to my apartment. There are some things I need to show you."

Patty sat me in her living room and excused her self. "The fashion show begins in ten minutes," she announced as she smiled over her shoulder.

"Ta da!" Patty stood in the door way clad in a full skirted shirtwaist dress, heels and hose. A sort of shawl or stole was draped around her shoulders. She was right out of a teen fashion magazine. Patty twirled which caused her skirt to flare out. The glimpse of stocking top under snow white petticoats was a memory I want to keep forever.

Patty moved in front of me, put he hands on the sides of my face and smiled down on me. I wrapped my arms around her knees and held her close. My arms were against the back of her thighs.

"This isn't going to work like this. She stepped way and reached behind her to unbutton her dress. She stepped out of it and pushed her petticoat down to he ankles. I was totally enthralled as she moved toward me. The breast forms showing under her blue bra added to her otherworldly allure. A matching garter belt showed through her sheer panties. The garter belt with its dark elastic straps served to frame and emphasize Patty's markedly male genitals. Totally overwhelming was the outline of her cockhead through the diaphanous blue nylon of her panties.

She pulled me to my feet and undid my belt. In a matter of minutes she was sliding my briefs down to free my raging erection. Her finger tip flicked away my precum and carried it her mouth. She turned her back to me as she wiggled out of her panties. The intensity of my erection increased as she faced me with her own cock fully hard.

Instincts I never dreamed took over for my conscious will as I ran my tongue around her the rim of her cockhead, drew that lovely knob between my lips. Patty lay on the couch as I ran my tongue along the bottom of he shaft before swallowing as much of that beautiful cock as I could in my virgin mouth. It tasted so good as she came in pulsating jets.

I screamed as Patty returned the favor by giving me an orgasm that no real girl had ever come close to giving me.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The bright spring day added to the blissful afterglow of the most intense sexual experience I had ever experienced or could even have imagined. That feeling plus Patty's unique combination of attractions gave me a sense of well being combined with a hint of arousal that felt just fine, at least for the moment. Everything about added up to the kind of girl I wanted. Then, as I reached more familiar streets, I knew that Patty's attractions added up to more than I could handle. I wasn't queer. Of that I was sure. This was just a one time thing, an experiment. It never occurred to me that I might be believing my own lie. Okay, I'll keep the date on Sunday but that's it for closeness. After that I'll keep in touch with Patty only so I can know how Gina's doing.

As we left the museum, Patty slipped her arm through mine. It was only one of the ways she had of making me feel really good about myself and about being with her. I was proud that people noticed the tastefully dressed girl I was with. Who could help but admire this classy beauty? The smiles of approval from the sedate members of the audience were flattering to Patty and to me. Then that feeling of doubt hit me.

They're smiling because they can't quite keep from laughing at us. They can esee patty's a boy and they can figure out that, if I'm with him, I must suck cock.

I wanted to move away from Patty but every time I looked at her I couldn't bring myself to do anything that would hurt this special lady. A decision would have to be made but how?

We were alone in Patty's apartment enjoying a cold supper when Patty turned serious.

"Mitch, honey. This isn't easy for me to say. I misjudged my feelings for you. I care for you more than I thought I ever could, ever would. It was wrong of me to let you date me. Do you remember when I told you I would be going to school at Tiresisas Academy and that no one around here ever heard of it."

I nodded as I wondered what she was getting at.

"No one around here heard of it because it's in England. Mother has a job at Cambridge University, one of the women's colleges. We need the change. They treat girls like me a lot better there than they do here in the States. Matter of fact Tiresisas Academy is meant for girls like me.

"We're not abandoning Gina. She'll come with us once Mother has guardianship

"I'm ever so sorry. I never meant to hurt you but think about it, Mitch. You might want some of the things in my world but I would never be accepted into your world and then one day you would wake up and hate yourself and hate me because you've been living with another boy. It's better we end it now."

I felt pretty good the next morning considering I was dumped the night before, dumped by someone who was totally different from anyone I ever dated or wanted to date. Come to think of it, Patty was unlike anyone I could have even conceived of until I got to know her up close. Ironic that only a few weeks before I was wondering if there could ever really be a person like Bast. Now I knew there was at least one. Anyhow it was over and I hadn't been the one to end it. There was, I realized, another good reason that the thing Patty and I felt for each other couldn't go anywhere. That was Gina. I wondered how she might react to seeing Patty and me as a long term pair considering how sad she felt over how she treated me but mostly how breakable she was after all that had been done to her.

My folks were pretty happy with the way I was devoting time and energy to the business and seeing I was chatting up every single female I came across in the course of the day. Things were looking pretty bright now that I had gotten over this bump in my heterosexual road. Even the notice to report for my draft board physical failed to dampen my new sense of well being. This country welcomed my family and gave them opportunities they would never have had in the old country. It was time for me to pay back part of what we owed them just like my father had done in World War II.

It was a relief that I didn't get hard during my physical. That had been worrying me since my recent experience with Patty. Fortunately I remained soft but I realized that all the guys walking around naked looked like guys so they did nothing for me. It might have been different had there been a slender guy with smooth skin and delicate bones. Fortunately there was no one there who filled that role.

The Korean conflict was turning into a stalemate which led to a slowdown in the draft. My physical had classified me 1-A but there was a better than even chance I wasn't going to be drafted any time soon. I still wanted to serve due in no small part to the feelings Patty had set off in me. Volunteering for military service would give help remove any doubts I was having about my sexuality and let me pick the branch in which I would serve. It also let me choose when It's difficult to conceive of now but to get anywhere back then a guy had to get his military service out of the way.

It might not be a bad idea to try to date a girl who had nothing to do with Gina and Patty, one who knew nothing about my closeness to that awful situation that ended in when Gina finally erupted and then withdrew into herself. But who? I remembered this girl I had had a serious crush in high school but who brought out all my insecurities. By this time I was able to admit to myself that I never approached her because I was sure she would turn me down seeing how her family was way above me when it came to style and class whereas my family was better fixed when it came to money. I was surprised at how cordial her mother was to me even though she told me Kara was away at a girl's college somewhere in Massachusetts. Her mother seemed to know a lot about me which she had heard from Kara who often talked about me at home. She gave me Kara's address and suggested I write to her assuring me Kara would write back. Perhaps a good-bye phone call before I left for my military service might be a nice romantic touch. I made a mental note to follow Mrs. Lohrmann's advice.

Kara's friendly enthusiasm at hearing my voice suggested that she might have shared the attraction she held for me. She was going to be home the following weekend to attend a family function and would love to get together with me. "I know this really swank neighborhood, very, very arty. We can have lunch and stroll around and then you can drop me Grand Central so I can catch the train. Seeing you will be so neat. We'll have a luscious time."

She came on like the cliché kid but on her it sounded cute, even enticing. I called her at home that Saturday morning.

"I have some shopping I absolutely must get done, Kara said as if she were about to tell me I didn't fit in with her plans for her weekend home. That wasn't it at all. "A school chum told me about this swell area where there are zillions of shops, boutiques really that have one of a kind jewelry and accessories. There are lots of neat cafes and restaurants that have folk music. You could come with me and help me choose what I buy; tell me which looks better on me. Then we can have an early supper and you can see me off."

Going shops wasn't my idea of a good time but the district she was talking about sounded like it might be interesting. I was still wondering whether Kara wanted to see me or whether she needed a chauffer for her shopping spree when the `fashion show' Patty put on of me popped into my head. Not that it would turn into what happened between Patty and me, but the idea of watching Kara model what ever it was she was going to shop for had a certain appeal. Accepting Kara's offer would also show that I wasn't some sort of macho Italian jerk.

My date, if that's what it was, also had some implications for other things in my life. It meant Gina was history. It also meant Patty was a bad dream from which I had awakened. Maybe not quite a bad dream; more like a dream that's intense and pleasant but when you wake up from it you're somehow ill at ease. When I thought about it I realized that Patty had been a real threat to me. She was still a boy and I had wanted her like I should have wanted a girl so that whenever I thought about her, which was as little as possible, I felt like I might have been turning queer. Kara was all girl and classy at that. She was my present, at least for Sunday afternoon, which made Patty my past.

I picked up Kara at her parent's home and after the prilms with her folks she came down stairs. She was striking and fashionably Ivy League. She wore a white blouse with Peter Pan collar and a kind of ribbon tie. A circle pin, very de rigeur for girls of a certain social class in the fifties, was on the lapel of her navy blue flannel blazer. A gray box pleated skirt covered her knees. It concealed her hips as well, leaving the details of figure to my hormone driven imagination. Her legs, toned by ballet classes since kindergarten, were enhanced by non-sheer tan stockings that were intended to be serviceable rather than seductive. Basic opera pumps with a two inch heel drew my attention and flattered her finely chiseled ankles. I wondered why this epitome of ivy league dressing wanted to shop in places like those she described. The weather was too mild for the camel's hair polo coat she no doubt owned so she carried an off white plaid lined raincoat. I picked up her overnight bag as she reached for shoulder pocketbook. I shook hands with her dad as her mother checked to see she had her train ticket and so on.

Much to my chagrin, her school chum's directions brought us to Madison's neighborhood. I wasn't sure if I found myself hoping to run into Madison or praying we wouldn't. Either way she was too much on my mind.

It turned out Kara was interested only in buying earrings, bracelets, and rings of the kind made by so-called crafts people rather than by jewelers. She also took me to a shop dealing in one of kind had woven skirts and shawls. To my surprise and satisfaction Kara turned trying on jewelry into a sensuous performance. She ahd a way pf pushing her dark brown hair back from her face to show me her ears. The graceful gestures of her hands as she asked my opinion of rings and bracelets set me thinking about how could those gestures would feel agains the skin of my face or body.

We made our way to a café another of Kara's school chums, as she called them had recommended, The Café des Masques. The patrons were mostly women alone, in pairs, or in small groups. The few men present were all with women. That should have been a hint as to nature of the clientele. Two very arty girls improvised on guitar and flute. It was a lot better than the Berg that I had listened to the day I met Madison.

Kara was known to some of the regulars who enthusiastically remarked they were "just so thrilled you finally got here" which told me that although she knew several of the regulars this was her first time there. The kiss she shared with the hostess suggested a very close friendship. Despite being in the minority I felt comfortable and made a note to visit again but not without a date.

The waitress who took care of us was, I was sure, flirting with me. I suspected Kara thought so too because she engaged the girl in a brief conversation when she excused her self to use the powder room. I assumed that Kara had told the girl off for coming on to her date. It turned to be something else entirely.

Were I not with Kara I might have taken an interest in the waitress. She was tall, very slender with small breasts. A loosely fitting solid color blouse matched her print skirt which seemed to be a large shawl tied around her waist. The fit of the blouse concealed her waist and hips. The flow of fabric over her bottom as she moved created a very sensuous effect that was not lost on me. Flat sandals were fastened to her bare calves by leather thongs. Her jewelry was, like what Kara had been shopping for, the work of craftspeople rather than of jewelers.

I thought I was being subtle as I glanced around the room hoping to see if Madison might somehow show up.

"Are you expecting someone? You keep looking around as if you`re expecting an old friend to show up." Kara's mock serious tone told me I was anything but subtle so I covered for my behavior.

"No. I've never been here before and, besides, I don't know anyone who hangs out around here. Too far out of my league. I was just looking to see if anyone is wearing things that relate to what we're talking about."

"Oh, okay." A mischievous glint in Kara's eyes made me wonder if she believed me. "The crowd here is into what we're talking about. Just one thing, though. I wouldn't have thought this place and this crowd would be out of your league at all."

Kara insisted on paying the check which Allie, the waitress put in front of her. Kara handed Allie the payment and her tip. Their hands remined entwined just a little too long. I had heard that some very arty Bohemian girls batted from both sides of the plate and that was fine with me. Considering my recent experience, I wasn't one to point a finger.

"Mitch, do you think Allie is attractive?" Kara's question surprised me especially coming just as I started the car to take her to Grand Central Station..

"Not my type. Why do you ask?" It was odd that Kara wanted to talk about the attractions of a Bohemian waitress.

"I think she's sexy."

"Huh," was all I could say.

"She liked you. Don't be corny and say you didn't notice her." Kara went on to talk about `artistic statements' made by what she called craft artists. My recent forays into myth allowed me to make some cogent responses which impressed Kara. In the car the conversation turned to talk about Kara's school and her new friends. She described some of her new girlfriends with a warmth usually reserved for sweethearts or lovers. I would have written it off as being overly enthusiastic and left it at that. .

There was vacant parking space not too far from Grand Central, an occurrence in the fifties not nearly as remarkable as it is nowadays. Kara leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It felt good, deliciously moist even without a touch of tongue.

"Mitch, thanks ever so much for helping me out today. And also for getting my mother off my back."

"No need to thank me. I enjoyed being with you." We talked about high school, about wasted opportunities, and about discovering ourselves. Then she turned very serious.

"Mitch, I know you must be wondering why I said what I did about getting my mother of my back. She's been after me to have a boyfriend for a long time now. She thinks I'm too caught up in girlfriends.

"See, I like petting and making out with girls at least as much as I do with boys. No. that's not quite true. Let me explain. I'm not sure I could ever get serious with a boy after growing up with my parents. Everything looks so great on the outside but my father teats my mother like a slave. He likes to show off his beautiful, loyal, and talented wife like you show off a prize winning dog. She has money, clothes but no respect in her soul, no inner dignity. He cheats on her, too. My girlfriends all say the same thing about their homes. Why would any free and self-reliant woman want a life like that?

"I've always liked you, Mitch. I like you enough not to hurt you. I would love to see you again if you want but it can't go anywhere. If you want to take your chances, call me again."

She leaned over m and gave me the kiss I had hoped for. Her tongue found mine as her hand pressed my cock through my chinos. It was a great kiss but not nearly so great looking or as long lasting as the kiss she gave her girlfriend when they met at the at the gate to their train.

I had no doubt I would look up Allie in the very near future. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

That Wednesday night found me on my way to the unusual cafe Kara had introduced me to. The nearby parking spaces were filled by cars that, I learned later, belonged to some of the local residents. Circling back to the edge of the area I almost slammed on the brakes when I saw a girl I could have sworn was Madison pass by on the sidewalk. I started to circle the block to catch up with her but decided against it. I realized I was flattering myself to hope that Madison would remember me from that fleeting encounter so many months ago.

I found a parking space on the edge of the neighborhood and started walking toward the main business area. I had intended to go right to the café but the shop windows as well as the strollers were too interesting for me to ignore. Or was it because I hoped to see Madison along the way?

The hostess remembered me as Kara's friend. There was no problem with me eating at the bar so I took as seat where I could see both the door and the main dining area. As I scanned the room, a hand landed on mine. Allie, in the role of barmaid, had placed her hand on mine. I couldn't tell which made me feel better, her touch or the warm smile on her pretty face. She suggested I start with a glass of a particular wine she recommended. I wasn't about to argue with this exotically alluring beauty especially when my wine experience was limited to jugs of Chianti consumed at family gatherings.

"Let me get a fresh bottle. Say, why don't you come with me so you can see our wine cellar?"

The wine cellar was down a flight of stairs at the end of a corridor. Allie took my hand as we moved through the dimly lit space. She reached into her skirt pocket and withdrew a bunch of keys to unlock the wine cellar door. She looked up at me, smiled as she slowly put her arms around my neck and kissed me. "We might each other in the end but for some unexplainable reason I think you can handle a girl like me."

What was that supposed to mean? Just what is a 'girl like me'? I gave up wondering and yielded to the pressure of Allie's mouth against mine. As we kissed, her hands moved over my chest, moved along my sides to my hips as one of her hands felt my crotch while the other rested on my bottom. An urgency compelled me to run my hands over every part of her or at least every part that I dared to without risking turning her away from me even before we got started. With other girls I might have taken my chances and gone for a home run right off but not with this girl. Allie was just so right for me that I didn't want to lose her by pushing too hard. She was a deliciously enticing blend of firmness and softness. I was startled by what felt like a very brief panty girdle, something that she didnt need and which certainly didnt fit with her Bohemian style of dressing..

"Shit," she muttered. "Damned gaffe gets in the way."

I had no idea what a gaffe was.

"Now you know," she added enigmatically as she took a step away from me.

"What do I know? Allie, just tell me what's going on. What is so wrong with you wearing a panty girdle? Most girls wear them all the time. I just didn't think you were so conformist under it all. Why would I hit you at all?"

"Oh, Mitch. You just don't get it. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I did this to you. There was just something about you that made me think you knew about girls like me. And when you came back on your own, I was sure of it. Mitch, I`m not a real girl. The panty girdle, as you call it, is to conceal my dick and make me look more like a girl."

I pulled Allie to me and kissed her again.

"You're really not pissed off, are you? Wow! Kara was right when she said you might go for girls like me."

The impromtu petting session was, like Oscar Wilde's description of a cigarette; it was exquisite but left us unsatisfied.

Back at the bar I confessed my history to Allie in between watching her wait on patrons and set up drinks, mostly wine, for the waitresses. My story of Gina and Patty left Allie close to tears. No sense in telling her that I was on the lookout for a girl named Madison. "How horribly tragic for Gina. How sad for you."

Allie's sense of the romantic made her reluctant to have an afair with me.

"I just know that Patty and you are meant for each other. Kismet; you know what I mean. If we got involved it would only hurt both of us because you're meant to find Patty again. Mitch, be sure that you want to make love to another girl like Patty before we get started on something that has to end sooner or later."

She slipped away long enough to kiss me good-bye. Despite my better judgment, I felt her up up under her gaffe. Her cock was very real.

"Give it some thought before you see me again." I nodded and then Allie added, "I get off at seven on Thursday."

"I'd like to call you tomorrow, wee if you feel the same way then as now."

"No calls. Don`t ask me why."

She leaned over the bar and kissed me as I started to throw down some money for the tab.

"Tonight's on me... for being so accepting."

I drove home feeling pretty good until I started reflecting on Kara and Allie and the Café des Masques.

This is the second time I'm getting involved with a girl with a dick. Okay, so at first I didn't realize Patty was a boy but I know what Allie has in her panties from the start. Kara feels comfortable telling me that she can bat from both sides of the plate but prefers girls. Does that mean she thinks I'm the same way? Besides that, she figures out that I would fit in with the crowd at Café des Masques. She even tries to set me up with Allie which may not turn out to be a bad thing. What I want to know is how is that Kara was able to figure me out when I`m not sure myself of what I want in a bed?

The weirdest part is that I should be running away from girls like Allie and I'm not. I should be thinking I'm queer but I don't. I'm not turned on by guys but only by girls with dicks. Right, cause nothing happened to turn me when I took my draft board physical. If I'm queer I would have been turned on by all those naked pricks and bare butts. I wasnt, not in the least, so I know I'm not a queer.

I wish I had Allie's phone number. I really needed to talk to someone who understands and is okay with where I am with this thing. No. Don't talk about it. Just find Madison. That little doll will get you back into the real thing easily enough.

It was a great rationale for lots of reasons, not the least of which was it gave me an excuse to keep going back to that arty part of town and, once there, winding up in The Café des Masques. My thoughts as I drove home left me feeling a little agitated but determined to find Madison or, at the very least, get something going with one of the girls from my own neighborhood.

My next foray back to The Café des Masques was to meet Allie that Thursday. All day long I wondered whether to think of this as an appointment or a date. In any case I was very much looking forward to seeing Allie. I deliberately arrived early wondering how to deal with the situation if Madison shows up. She looked terrific as I scanned her from head to toe, my eyes pausing at her chest and the lower art of her cutely rounded tummy. Her contours suggested nothing other than she was a small breasted girl. I envisoned her bra which almost certainly had breasts forms, falsies pinned into it by tiny gold colored safety pins. In my mind's eye that was more erotic, more alluring than the fully fleshed breasts of an ordinary woman. The longer I looked at Allie, the more desireable I realized he was. The vision of her cock tightly gaffed against her groin or nestling in her panties set my pulse racing. This was, I reassured myself, a diversion on my path to finding Madison.

Allie was waiting tables as I took my seat at the end of the bar. Her movements were graceful and sure. She smiled at me and, after taking an order and dropping it at the kitchen, came over to me. The kiss lingered longer than I thought it would.

"Mitch, see that ass-hole over thee. He's a real pain. The jerk has no idea of what I'm really all about. He's said some totally vulgar things. He'll be asked to leave but if he threatens me, I want you to stay out of it. Just leave him to me." Her voice had a dark tone to it that was aggressively determined.

""I'll jump in only if I see you need help."

A sardonic smile lingered on her otherwise sweet face. "That won't be necessary, especially not with that chump."

A few seconds later the chump approached Allie as she walked through the dining area. There was a quick exchange of words and then conversation stopped as Allie announced. "You're wrong about me needing my boyfriend here before I told you off. Would you like to step outside with me or do you want to just leave?"

The man was much larger than Allie but her determination was enough to make his hands start shaking. His buddy suggested they leave quietly which they started to do.

Allie was at his heels as he lumbered toward the door. As he stepped into the entrance foyer he turned and threw a punch at Allie who, with unbelievable speed, blocked the blow and slammed her fist against his kidney. He was both dismayed and hurt by Allie's combination of blocking and punching. She shoved him through the street door and followed after him. He tried to lock her up in something vaguely like a wrestling hold only to have Allie grab his shirt and move her arms as if she were steering a car while sweeping his feet out from under him with her foot. Allie's flawlessly executed judo move left the goon sprawled on the sidewalk. As he crashed to the sidewalk Allie maintained her hold on his arm and began to apply pressure. The man writhed in pain before he passed out.

This man had been looking for trouble and he found it in Allie. It seemed he didn't know Allie wasn't a real girl which was good considering the way things were back in the fifties.

Allie was radiant with a subtle look of triumph as she returned to her duties as if nothing much had happened was met with awed looks and nods of approval from staff and customers alike. Seeing Allie so handily dispatch and man both taller and heftier than she, made it very difficult for me to hide my arousal.

I sipped wine and nibbled the platter of appetizers that Allie had set before me. By seven the tables had turned over enough so no one other than staff had seen Allie's brief and victorious confrontation with the would be tough guy. At about ten after seven she took off her apron and became just another girl sitting with her guy at the bar.

"You were pretty impressive," I said to her as she took a sip of my wine.

"I hate jerks like that. Think they know what everybody else is all about and if you don't let them come on to you they..." She smiled at me with a look of pleased innocence. "It feels so swell when I put them in their place." She looked and sounded like a kid who had just turned the tables on a schoolyard bully.

"Where did you learn to fight like that?" I asked allie as we started down the street.

She slipped her arm through mine and leaned against me.

"My parents were pretty concerned about me when I was little but then they knew that they had to take me as I was or it would be so bad for me that I would lose my mind or something. We had a vacation place where they let me act like a girl, play with girl's toys, and even wear clothes that could be a girl's just as easily as a boy's. I got taunted a lot in school though. My mom got a call from the principal one day. I had had enough so I lost control and just beat the stuffing out of two bullies. They were hurt and really embarrassed. All the kids teased them for weeks over the black eyes and swollen lips I had given them. Miss Carver, the principal, was actually pleased the bullies had been taught a lesson. Dad didn't think it was a good idea for me to just pound away other kids although he was very pleased I could fight when I had to. Acting as if I were a real girl was sure to make me a target so he and Mom decided I had to learn to protect myself so they sent me to judo, boxing, and karate classes."

"Wow, I better not get fresh with you..."

"You had better get fresh with me! If you don't, I might have to get rough with you."

We paused and kissed.

"Let's go up to my apartment. I'll make dinner for you. Drink up."

As we were finishing our wine Allie's hand began to shake.

"Are you okay?" I asked awkwardly.

"Shit!," muttered Allie. "That was so incredibly stupid."

"What was?"

"What I did to that guy. I'll explain later, when we're alone."

Allie lived a few streets away in a walkup above a craft shop of the kind Kara had taken me to. There was a small living room, a dining area, a kitchen, a bath and a bedroom.

"Want the grand tour?" she called from the kitchen as she put a pot of water on the stove.

"Sure."

"This is the bathroom in case you need it while you're here. My bedroom's here."

She opened the door and stepped aside as she gestured for me to enter.

"While we're in here I can get of this skirt." She turned her back to me as she closed the blinds. She tunred her back to me as she let her skirt fall to the floor. The thin yellow cotton fell gently over her delicious bottom highlighting those superb contours. The picot loops of the elastic leg bands were the only ornamnetation on this practical yet superbly feminine garment. She bent forward to undo her shoes momentarily assuming a posture that pulled her panties taught across her bottom so the the cleavage of her tush was visible through the fabric. Thee was nothing between the soft cotton of her panties and her silken smooth skin. My eye followed that delicious cleft to the curved herm of the gussett. The fleeting display started a set off a thrill in me that radiated from my groin to the tips of my fingers and toes.

Allie turned to face me and reached for my shirt as she stepped closer. "Gee whiz, Mitch. Can't you take a hint or do I have to everything myself?"

I tried to be subtle about eyeing her groin as I took over unbuttoning my shirt. Allie opened my belt as she gazed into my eyes.

"It`s quite okay with me if you want to steel a glimpse of my cock. See, no gaffe!"

A teasing smile as she her tongue touched her upper teeth. My pants fell to my knees leaving me hobbled and wondering what I should say or do. Allie solved my dilemma by pushing me onto the edge of her bed.

"Take off your shoes and socks. That's it. Shoes, socks and nothing else. The rest is mine. Be right back. I have to turn off the stove." She pulled her blouse off as she hurried from the room. Her bra was powder blue with a tiny red rose sewn between the cups.

She was back a few seconds later and began by pushing me onto my back and then grabbing the cuffs of my trousers and yanking my pants off. Allie smiled down at me as she straddled my torso. Her hands were behind her head as she unpinned her air and shook it loose. The cascade of rich brown hair tickled my face as she moved forward to kiss me. As we kissed her hand slipped into my underpants and slid light over my hard cock. Shivers of arousal accompanied by whimpering moans punctuated the electricity in my balls as her deft fingers played with my scrotum.

Allie rose to her knees and slipped off her panties freeing her cock. Only her bra remained. The baby blue padded was enhanced by falsies that showed above the lacey edge of the cups. Apparently sustom made or at least a perfect fit, the were more intriguing than the flesh of a real female could have been at that moment. Her tongue swirled over my nipples as her fingers reached between my legs to create waves of excitement in places where I had never known arousal. The skin between my scrotum and my bottom hole was the focus of her adept finger tips as I writhed under Allie's skilled ministrations. Her tongue traced the rim of my cockhead before flicking away the precum on the tip. I wanted her cock in my mouth even as her tongue brought my cock to ever increasing hardness.

We managed to work our way into a sixty-nine as Allie took my cockhead into her mouth. I stared into her eyes before I took her knob into my inexperienced mouth. A moan as she shivered.

In a few moments we managed to share the elusive mutual orgasm. Allie lay her head on my chest as toyed with my half flaccid prick.

"Mitch, promise not too laugh. Do you think a girl's still a virgin when she has oral sex?" She didn't allow me to answer but continued. "I see it that way. What I'm getting at is that I feel like I'm still a virgin who's saving herself for the right guy. Mitch, it's you but I want you to be sure. Maybe we can spend a lot of time together and get to share and enjoy all kinds of things. And I like romance as much as I like sex.

"I need you to be sure that you're willing to make a life with a girl like me, a girl with a dick. I don't ever want to have an operation like that Christine Jorgensen person did. I like my body the way it is. I enjoy my cock too much to ever want to get rid of it and I don't want to give up my virginity to a guy who's going to get bored and start looking for pussy and then leave me."

"This is going to sound weird but I want you to have some all out sex with some girls. Fuck their brains out and then if you still want me, we'll take it from there."

I must have looked puzzled every time she talked about being avirgin. "Mitch, in case you're wondering where I could be a virgin..." She turned her back to me and pointed to the cleft of her bottom. "Mmm," was all she said as I kissed her nether cheeks, tickled the base of her spine with my tongue.

"Mitch, I'm thinking this isn't fair to you, I mean to ask you to make all these changes for me. I want to meet you halfway. I'll quit the Café and start working in places that are...aren't, Oh, I don't know what. Just something that'll let me have one foot in the world you live in."

"Allie, I want you because you're different, different from so much I expected to want out of life. I like your world. It's freer, more honest, less hurtful." I was thinking about what the respectable middle class world had done to Gina.

Allie turned to face me, spread her legs and sat on my lap. She straddled my waist. Wrapped her legs tightly around me as we kissed. I wanted to fuck her then and there but I knew she was right. I had to get to on with some real girls before we promised ourselves to each other.

We eventually found our way back to the kitchen where Allie started putting supper together. She looked at me strangely when I asked if I could call my folks and tell them I'll be home later than I thought.

I know, I know," I said by way of explanation. "Nice Italian guys who live at home call to let their folks know they'll be out later than they thought; especially nice Italian guys with Jewish mothers."

My folks were out at free dish night at the local movie house. My baby sister, age thirteen, there was one phone call for me. The call was from Kara. She sounded desperate. Had to be desperate to want to talk to you."

"Very funny. What did she say?"

"She was calling long distance. She didn't want you to spend money calling her so she said she'll call at the shop tomorrow."

Allie motioned for me to cover the mouthpiece.

"Mitch, as long as you got them on the phone why not tell them you're spending the night with a friend?"

I nodded, told my sister to deliver that message and to tell Mom and dad I'd call again later. Allie kissed me as soon as I hung up the phone.

"Thanks, Mitch, for being such a love. There are some things I have to talk to you about and they're hard for me to say. I'm just so afraid I'll scare you off."

"Never."

"Let's shower together and then get dressed."

An hour or two later we washed the supper things together. Allie looked at me with a sad smile.

"Do you remember what I said about what I did tonight? And that I didn't give you my phone number?"

"Yes, of course." She led me back to the living room, sat on the couch and motioned for me to sit with her. Allie curled her legs under her bottom as she faced me.

"When dad died he left most of his estate to Mom and me. It isn't enough to make us fabulously wealthy but enough for us to be quite comfortable. It's also enough to make other people greedy. They've been trying to prove that both Mom and dad were mentally incompetent. That they supported me in developing into what I had to be to keep from going mad is supposed to show they were both incompetent. Their lawyers have been using private detectives to locate me. What I did tonight, I did on impulse. If I thought about it I would have ignored those jerks. You see, there are very few real girls and even fewer girls like me who can do what I did tonight. You can bet they'll report back saying they've located me. Enough photographs and statements of me and how I live will be the evidence they need to prove their case. It wouldn't matter one bit if I were a prim and proper librarian somewhere. Somehow if who you are doesn't totally match the body you were given, then you're a freak and pervert and everything else bad. The court action will be public and painful but at least it will be back home. You don`t really want to be in the papers as my lover. Suppose a national syndicate picks up the story. Where would that leave you?"

She raised one knee and drew it close to her. Wrapping her arms around her leg, she rested her chin on her knee. Her white nylon panties stood out in contrast to the shadows of her skirt. No real girl could ever match her attractiveness.

"Mitch, Now you know what you wold have to go through with me. You'll be dragged into court and won't the newspapers have a high old time. No, Mitch, I can't ask you to get into this with me. I'm not even sure that I can allow you to even if you really want to. Sleep on it and then let me know what you want."

Although I agreed with Allie that I might not want to go through the wringer with her I was careful not to say so. I headed home, showered and went to bed.

The next day I called Kara before I left work at the end of the day.

"Mitch! Thanks for returning my call. I'll be home this weekend and I would love to spend some time with you."

This was news worth hearing. I was beginning to think that the only kind of girl I could get was the kind with a dick but Kara was giving me some sense of being normal even though she could swing in either direction. Maybe she was just experimenting like I was. Who am I kidding? She was into girl sin high school and, according to her, hadn't really changed. Maybe I was her experiment in having it off with a guys. Why knock it? She really appealed to me. With her looks, her body, her style and her classy interests, what wasn't to like?

I still had to wrap up things with Allie so the next night I went to the café des Masques. Rhonda the hostess joined me at the bar.

"Allie on tonight?" I asked as Rhonda sat down on a bar stool and crossed her full but well-formed legs.

"Mitch, Allie's gone. Cleared out all together. I was going to warn you seeing that you're an old pal of Kara's."

I didn't know whether to breathe a sigh of relief or to feel sorry for myself on having been taken.

"Warn me about what?" I asked Rhonda in a voice flatter than I intended it to be.

"Allie, I mean she's beautiful and a great lay and all that but she's...Well, it's like this. She gets guys all interested in her and then tells them these fantastic stories to scare them off. Then she lays low for a few days and comes back here. This time she really took off. Gave up her apartment and all.

What story did that mad bitch give you? Her folks are trying to put her away in a looney bin or that someone's trying to get control of the family fortune?"

"Family fortune."

"You okay with this?"

"Yeah, I'm cool."

Rhonda draped her arm over the back of the barstool as I reached for my smokes.

"Care for one?" I tapped the pack against my wrist so that a couple of cigarettes were sticking up out of the pack. I looked at Rhonda's plush body and wondered if she were a real girl or someone like Allie.

Rhonda grasped my wrist and leaned forward as she guided my hand toward her face. The top of her dress gapped enough for me to catch a fine view of her full breasts as they nestled in the lacey cups of her bra. She had to be a real girl.

"Mitch, I know it's going to take a while to get over Allie but when you are I want to show you that real girls are still worth having." She brushed her lips over mine. I've got to get back to work. Call me when you`re ready."

I nursed my Jack Daniel's through two more cigarettes as I studied Rhonda. Patti was a super person and Allie was either a liar or delusional. Girls with dicks, I decided, were just as much a mixed bag as real girls. I looked at Rhonda as I got up to leave. She smiled at me and pursed her lips as if kissing. Rhonda was definitely a prospect.

A month or two later who should reappear but Allie. The showroom was quieting down after a flurry of activity. I was looking over some sales contracts when I glanced out the window at the parking lot. A Jaguar touring sedan pulls in. I figure they must be lost when the door opens. Remember that the door on those cars were hinged toward the rear rather than the front the way all cars are now. Anyhow, the door opens and one of the best legs I've ever seen on any girl slides out and touches the parking lot. Heels with ankle straps led the my eye up to shiny stockings in a light blue tint. The other leg followed along with a skirt disarrayed enough to show the edge of the net underskirt and a glimpse of knee and a tiny bit of thigh. As the woman got to her feet she fanned her skirt just enough for it to fall correctly. As she did so she turned toward the car. Her brown hair, worn in a demure bun at the nape of her neck, shone with red highlights in the late morning sunshine. She pulled on a large straw hat presumably to shade her skin from the sun. It concealed her face and made me wonder if she was a pretty as the image she created with her clothing and comfortable yet sexy stride. She bent forward to reach into the car for her pocketbook which made her skirt rise slightly and showing well toned calves and slender ankles. She grabbed her purse, closed the car door and walked toward the showroom.

I was wondering whether to wait on her or allow one of the girls to take care of her. As attractive as this woman was I had too many orders to review to make sure we would have the inventory by the promised delivery dates to spend time with meaningless flirtation. After all, between Kara and Rhonda my plate was starting to look full.

I glanced at the door as it opened. In a sweep of her arm the woman removed her hat and left me in shock. Here was Allie or else a real girl who looked very much like Allie or at least like Allie would have looked had she not been into affecting the bohemian look. The blue shirtwaist dress, straw hat, modest heels were enough to make me wonder whether this was Allie or a real girl who resembled her at first glance. I was hoping for the latter option.

"Mitch! Well hello." She moved close to the counter and whispered. "If you don't want to wait on me, I'll understand. I'll even leave if you want me to. Just understand I didn't know you work here so I didn't come here to upset you. I know you have every reason to hate me and that I owe you an explanation for my lies. I swear to you Im different now. I dont deserve it but give me a chance to explain." She reached into her purse and took out a few sheets of paper. "See, the tile man recommended this place and gave me a list of what I need."

I took the list and studied it. It was for real and looked like it was part of a major redecorating job. It was a name I didn't recognize but who ever wrote this up knew what he was talking about This was a potentially huge piece of business and that meant it would be poor economic sense to send Allie packing. My animal reaction to seeing Allie like this let me know that I wasn't nearly as over her as I would have hoped. It was motivation to at least listen to her explanation.

"Allie, I'm not going to kid you, I really missed you and then I didnt at all. Seeing you unexpectedly like this maybe changed that. Right now I'm thinking that I might still miss you. But you're right in saying that I was hurt by your lies and the way you took off without a word. Hurt and pissed off is more like it. This isnt the place for us to talk. For now you're a customer who happened in. We met a few times in a bar and that's it if anybody's curious."

"Sure, Mitch. That's fine but I need to tell you it's swell seeing you."

"Yeah, me too." Really swell, like getting kicked in the head, I thought to myself. "Let's get the business part over and then I'll take you to lunch somewhere we can talk."

"Joey, I'm going out for a couple of hours. That young lady has given us a huge order. I'm going to treat her to lunch as a token of thanks."

"Yeah, must be. Most customers like that you call stuck-up broads. Must be a huge sale for you to call her a lady." He picked up the paperwork from my desk and let of breath. "Whew! You ain't just whistling Dixie when you called this a big one."

Twenty minutes later I was ordering a bottle of Chianti while Allie and I studied the menu at a local Italian place that was a cut above the usual. We giggled as she tried to pronounce `scungilli.'

"If you have trouble saying it you can order pulpe salad instead," I teased.

I'm not too sure I want to know what pulpe is. Conch will be hard enough to get down the first time."

"Pulpe is octopus."

"Mitch, I'm willing to try whatever you suggest. I have had worse things in my mouth."

My cock twitched as Allie tilted her head and winked at me. Still, it was time to change the subject and find out what was up with the new Allie.

"Mitch, I swear I didn't know that you had anything to do with the tile place although I'm so thrilled that I met you like this. It gives me a chance to tell you what happened.

"After our last meeting I felt really, really sad. Telling the kind of stories I told you was another way of getting back at guys for the way I was treated as a kid, kind of like the way I beat them up once in a while. Not really the same but close enough for now.

"After you left I realized that I was chasing away someone who might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I was in a panic. I had to run away from everything and everyone but most of all I wanted to get away from myself. It was frightening.

"This kid in the neighborhood found me wandering the streets in a daze. She took me to an all-night diner. When she went to make a phone call I bolted. She and her mom, that's who she called, found me sitting on some church steps crying and rocking.

"They took me home and called a friend who's a shrink. A psychiatrist put me on some sort of tranquilizers and then I started seeing the shrink every day. Meanwhile I got an apartment in a residential neighborhood. I started living as an ordinary young woman. Of course my folks are paying all my expenses big time.

"I haven't been dating. Didn't think I should until I ran into you. Seeing you again changed my mind about that." An embarrassed smile as she averted her eyes.

"What's with the redecorating? We're not talking about an apartment."

"No, we're not. My folks bought me a house up in Massachusetts. It's on a bay. I want to start a kind of shelter for kids like I was who don't have the family support and resources I'm blessed with. It's a long term project. I might even go back to school to learn to be a therapist."

Allie went on describing her aspirations and what she planned to do with her life. Every once in a while she looked at me with a quizzical expression on her pretty face. It was as if she were asking me to share these aspirations with her. If she asked me outright the answer would have been no. Once bitten twice shy especially when she was just coming off a serious bout with depression. I knew I should have kissed her off then and there but as attractive and as sexy as she was in her bohemian stage, she was even more exquisitely beautiful and more powerfully seductive in her new guise as a fashionable young lady.

"So how soon you're leaving the New York area?"

She nodded, took a sip of her wine and reached inside her handbag for her cigarettes.

"How come you decided to buy the tile from us if you're redoing a house maybe three hundred miles away? Shipping`s going to cost a bundle."

"I was told that you have patterns that no one else in the country has., that your place is the best anywhere .I guess because I can't cut the ties I've made here and most of all because I have some unfinished business here...Please, Mitch, don`t ask me too many questions."

"You know you almost had me. When I said I really miss you, it was true. Only thing is that I'm not sure I'll ever miss you enough to let you break my heart again."

"I understand and if you want to end it here and now, that's fine. I deserve it..."

I wondered if those tears were for real. They had to be. No one could be that good an actress.

"Give me your number and I promise to call you real soon."

She smiled as she wrote her number on the back of one of our business cards.

A month later I found myself on a beach in a town called Brewster on Cape Cod. Allie had just shown me her new house, a house complete with several outbuildings. We were both tired from the overnight drive from New York but not so tired that we couldn't feel the sense of peace and serenity that overtook us as Allie showed me the house she was having restored. I was hoping her dream of starting some sort of shelter for femme boys would work out really well. Allie must have known what I was thinking because she stood on tip toe and kissed my cheek. "Thanks, Mitch," was all she said or needed to say. We continued walking through the wet sand as the outgoing tide played around our ankles. A breeze lifted Allie's skirt high enough for me to see her delicious rump enhanced by the white nylon briefs that added to her recently acquired ladylike allure. She smoothed her skirt down over her rear and smiled at me. We faced each other, hugged and kissed deeply, intensely. Then we looked back at Allie's new home as we held each other by the hand.

Allie put her arm around my waist and let her hand drift down to my butt as we walked back to the inn where we were staying. We found we didn't need a reservation for lunch but made one all the same before going up to our room. After showering I sat skimming the newspaper as Allie took off her skirt and blouse. Clad in her white panties and matching bra she laid out what she was going to wear at lunch. She unhooked her bra and massaged her small breasts. She had changed since I had first seen her beautifully androgynous body. Her breasts were much more apparent although still no more than `A' cups. It suited her.

"Like them?" she asked with the playful pride of junior high girl just starting to wear bras. "All natural. It's from an herbal thing I've been taking. They won`t get any bigger though. Fine with me. Why would I want to look like a silly cow?"

She turned and walked toward the bathroom pausing just long enough to wiggle her panties down over sher superb little tush and kick them aside. It was all I could do to keep from picking up her discarded panties and jerking off with them while she showered.

Allie emerged from the shower in a terry robe that managed to fall open as she vigorously toweled her hair. My eyes rested on her firm tummy with its deep navel before I dropped down to take in her astonishing prick and tight ball sac. Her knowing smile did nothing to turn me off.

"Scoot!" she said firmly. "I know you love to watch me dress and do my makeup but I want to surprise you. Meet you in the bar in twenty minutes."

With so few midweek visitors to the Cape this early in the season the bar was deserted except for the bartender. He brought me a menu and the wine list so I could order lunch while Allie dressed. I ordered a bourbon. Teddy, the bartender, poured generously. His fingers were long and slim. Clear nail polish and more rings than guys usually wore gave him an exotic allure. Despite his black hair and dark complexion his hands and arms were surprisingly smooth. It would take only a touch of lipstick and eye shadow to turn him into a convincing girl. I wondered if Allie had chosen this area for her `refuge' because the boy/girls she hoped to shelter were at least minimally accepted here. I had yet to learn about Provincetown, at the very end of Cape Cod, which, even so long ago, was a resort catering to what is now called the gay community.

I took a sip of bourbon and wondered what Allie was doing at that moment. I thought about her in all kinds of underthings in all sorts of fabrics and colors. The one thing that pervaded all my daydreams was that she would not wear a gaffe.

My thoughts shifted to Teddy lest I get hard daydreaming of Allie. I watched Teddy bend to get something from a lower cabinet and was treated to a view of visible panty lines, umistakable panty lines! Men's briefs don't ever have that curved rear seam where the gusset is sewn into girl's panties. It was at that moment I knew that I would prefer as lovers girls like Allie, like Patty, and like I was hoping Teddy might be. It wasn't that I wanted sex with Teddy. It was just that like most guys like to be in the company of attractive women, I wanted to be in the company of attractive women with that special something, that special something that I was beginning to realize I needed in any girl I would ever have a relationship with.

"A penny for your thoughts." Allie's voice jarred me back to moment. She wore a gray wrap skirt over and blue blouse with a round collar. Gray t-strap heels, a clutch purse, and a silk shawl were all the accessories she wore except for a straw skimmer which framed her features and gave the look of an English schoolgirl. I signaled Teddy for the check. "On me," he smiled. I threw a couple of bucks on the bar, got up and took Allie's hand.

The New England clam chowder, the lobster salad and wine took us through most often afternoon. We decided to have our coffee and Drambuie on the back porch overlooking the bay. The mud flats at low tide were beautiful as sailboats lay on there sides. The sound of Allie's nyloned legs crossing and the rustle of her skirt as she settled into the large rattan chair drew my attention from the bay to the more immediate beauty of my totally female but anatomically androgynous lover.

Allie slipped off her shoes and rested her feet on my lap. I lifted her foot and massaged her arch before kissing it. Her loosely fitted skirt slid past her knee and along her thigh. The deeper tone of her stocking tops showed but no thigh. The lace edge of her chemise concealed he very tops of her hose and all beyond that. She drew her knee closer to her chest. "Not yet, not here. I want you so much, Mitch. Waiting to give myself to you is such exquisite pain."

This new Allie had a wonderful sense of the dramatic. She had become more real, more enjoyable and yet I knew this was the same woman who had lied to me and then run off with not a word. She had buried that side of her but not so deeply that it couldn't resurrect itself. I would give myself to the moment but no more than that.

Allie shook her skirt to modest levels as she got to her feet. Her hand was extended toward mine. I took her hand and started to stand. The pressure of Allie's grip was almost painful. It reminded me of her athletic and fighting skills she had so deftly displayed that night in the Café des Masques. She seated herself on the porch rail and moved her face to mine.

"Mitch, you do remember that night when you saw how well I can take care of myself." I nodded as a wry smile formed on her face, a smile that only added to her erotic beauty. I nodded.

"I told you I had better not get fresh with you and you told me I had better try."

"Don't forget that." She put her hand behind my head and pulled my face to hers. Our tongues met. Our bodies pressed together as we stood in a long embrace. Somehow we managed to stand, to hug without ending our kiss.

My hands felt Allie's bra as I caressed her back. Her bottom thrilled me despite or because of her girdle. As her thighs pressed against me I was certain that this was not a panty girdle but rather an open bottomed girdle, the kind that enhances the visual while offering access.

Allie worked her hnd between us and grasped my balls. She massaged them through my chino pants. "Remember, you must satisfy me as I need to be satisfied." A moan escaped my lips as she crushed my balls in her hand.

She moved her hands to my wrists and guided me to her bottom. We remainded locked in a deep kiss as our hands kneaded each other's bottom. Allie slid back onto the porch rail. She guided my hand to her breast as she smiled up at me, opend her mouth and wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Take me upstairs. Mitch, love me, love me."

She took my hand and led me from the porch.

Allie was very much in charge once we got to our room. She opened my trousers and ran her hands over my briefs. Her hand strayed fleetingly to my crotch as she unbuttoned my shirt and slid it off my shoulders. Her fingers flitted over my nippes sending undreamed of sensations through me. She pushed my trousers down. I needed no cue, no urging to step out of them.

I sat on the edge of the bed as Allie stood between my parted legs. Her skirt fell to the floor. Her blouse was next to go. Even with her chemise I could see she wore no gaffe. She pushed the straps of her chemise from her shoulders. It fell to the floor, a lavender foam at her feet. Her intensely white panties were a sharp contrast to the black high waist girdle that held her stocking taut. She freed her cock from her panties.

I grasped her raging hardon at the base and allowed my long buried urges to take over. She whimpered as my tongue circled her cockhead. I took the head in my mouth. Allie moaned, put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me onto the bed. She lay back, legs parted as I knelt alongside her. Her hand fondled my balls as I licked her shaft fom base to head. Suddenly we were on our sides in a classic sixty-nine. I felt Allie's cock throb in my mouth as I sucked softly on the head while massaging the shaft. Suddenly, as Allie began to shoot streams of cum into my mouth, an intense orgasmic wave radiated from groin to the very tips of my fingers and toes. I quivered and then screamed as I climaxed into Allie's skilled mouth.

We lay back exhausted as the wind from the bay rustled the curtains. Allie lay her head on my chest as her fingers rested on my half flaccid cock. Her breathing became deep and even as she fell asleep in my arms. Then I too drifted off. We stirred only occasionally but with each shift of position we managed a tender and playfull kiss.

Allie's tongue on my nipples stirred me awake. She slipped out from under the sheets and walked softly to the bathroom. The sound of her pee reminded me that I, too, needed to relieve my6self especially if we were to continue our intimate afternoon. I heard the water run in the sink and knew Allie was brushing her teeth and rinsing her mouth. I followed suite as soon as she came out of the bathroom.

The bathroom mirror reflected Allie as she unhooked her bra, allowed to slide down her arms. She sat on the edge of a chair, pointed her leg, unhooked the garter clasps and rolled the stocking to her ankle. An encore performance with the other stocking. She rose gracefully wearing only the open bottom girdle and panties. Anyone who did not already know the secret she carried in her panties would only see her as a beautiful, small breasted but ever so sexy woman. She tugged the girdle below her hips, let it fall to her ankles, and kicked it aside. Clad only in her luminescent white panties she retunred to the bathroom, put her arms around me from behind and grasped my prick.

"Is Mr. Happy all rested up?" she asked in the voice of little girl. "Want to play doctor, little boy?" she continued in the same little girl voice. Her voice turned serious. "Mitch, I was thinking we would do this tonight but I don't want to wait. I can't. I need you in me so bad."

She took a jar of petroleum jelly form her vanity case and led me back to the bed. I lay back as she straddled me and brushed her long hair over my face. Her lips and tongue teased my nipples as her fingers caressed the back of my balls. My cock was rock hard in minutes. Allie lay on her back and guided my face toher nipples and then to her belly button. I licked her cock along the underside of the shaft from base to rim. Allie purred like a kitten and reversed her position so that were again in a sixty-nine. Her toongue took the orecum from cockhead as she parted my legs. I whimpered as her tongue explored thatever so sensitive, ever so responsive spot between the back of my balls and my hole. Even as writhed in the ecstasy of this newly revealed pleasure I did my best to do the same to Allie through the crotch of her panties. She raised her hips and slid the panties down her thighs..

Allie lay on her tummy as I kissed her firm nether cheeks. She reached back and parted her cheeks to expose the pink rosebud of her hole. Without thinking I probed inside her with my tongue. Allie took in a deep breath. "No, Mitch, no. That feels too good. I don't want to cum...Not yet, not until you're ready to give me what I need from you."

We were face to face as Allie's tongue flicked over mey neck, found its way into my ears and her fingers kept me hard. She reached toward the night table and pushed her fingers into the open jar of petroleum jelly. Her mouth was on mine as she worked her finger into my bottom. I know knew why being penetrated is so pleasurable.

Allie took her finger out of me anr rolled onto her back. She pulled be between her legs. I was on my knees kissing her aggressively erect nipples as she drew her knees to her chest. "Fuck me," was all she said or needed to say.

I supported myself on my hands as Alloe lubed my cock. She guided my cockhead to her hole and pushed my face alongside her own. Her tongue on my ear send chills through me. Again she grasped my dick as she raised her hips. It was so extremely tight as my dick slipped through her sphincter. Suddenly I moan in delight as she grasped my cock tightly by tensing her sphincter. I was whimpering as she slowly eased me deeper into her body. It was unlike any girl, so different, so much better. After the tightness of her rose bud there was a softness that no vagina could offer. She pushed me up so that my cock started to withdraw but was trapped fast by her tightnees. Her fingers encircled the base of ball sac and pulled tighter while her other hand clamped around the base of my shaft. As if in desperation her hips reached up to once more take me deep with her. She rocked from side to side working her finger back into my hole. Suddenly her hips rose as her entire body went rigid. screamed as her cum spread over our entwined bodies. I was quivering with ever ecstasies as she squeezed my balls sending me into a prolonged orgasm unlike anything any real had ever given me or has given me since.

She lay panting and sweating, her eyes in a wide stare. Slowly a smile appeared. "Thank you. That was so wonderful, even more wonderful than I hoped for."

She yelped as I began to kiss her nipples. "Oh God, no. Stop. That feels so great but it's just too intense. Every fiber of me is just too, too awake to bear your touch.. Just hold me, hold me, Mitch. I need you to hold me through all eternity."

How long, I wondered to myself, is all eternity? Sometimes eternity can have a very short run.

The change in light told remindd us that we had spent hours making love. Even now I think of that afternoon as making love. It was not simply having sex. I've crossed a lot of lines, violated a lot of cultural taboos since I first penetrated a boy/girl but I still think of that afternoon as one of love making.

I rested on my elbow and wathced Allie move across the room to the dresser where she took out a pair of white cotton panties, panties so demure, so ordinary they emphasized her transition from bohemian to wholesomely fashionable. She held the panties in front of her chest to determine which was way front and stepped into them. She pulled the leg bands over her cheeks and reached for her hair brush. Sitting on the bed,s he folded her legs under her and began to brush her hair. It was so ordinary yet so sensual.

I moved closer to her took the brush from her and brushed her hair.

"Mmm, I'm hungry. They say sex burns all sorts of calories. Gee, I wonder..."

I fell for it. "Wonder what?"

"How many calories in a mouthful of cum?"

She jumped from the bed, walked to the closet and pulled out a gauzy print dress, held it in front of her and put it back in the closet. "For tomorrow."

I watched as she adjusted her bra, leaning forward to adjust her all but non-existent A's in the cups. Watching her dress was as arousing as watching her undress. She stood before the bathroom mirror as she did her makeup; a performance as sensual as dressing. She pulled her hair back and used wide barrette to hold in a wide, flat pony tail arrangement

A dark blue blouse and white slacks. High heeled sandals. She extened her fingers as she decided on which rings to wear. Baroque pearl earrings, bangle bracelets and a gold watch.

Hand in hand we walked silently to a seafood house a few blocks from the hotel where we were staying. As we left the hotel, I surprised myself by glancing into the bar hoping to catch a glimpse of Teddy. Depite the memorable afternoon, I had enough doubts not to give myself over to Allie.

Allie's rump against my groin was deliciously warm as we fell asleep in the spoon position. I woke up before Allie, dressed and took a walk along the beach. Allie was up and dressed when I returned. Breakfast on the hotel porch.

Allie suggested a walk on the beach. She ran ahead of me like an excited little girl. She stood on a dune and beckoned me to follow as the wind rustled her dress around her thighs. She tried to hold it to a modest level even though I was the only other person on the beach but had to give up in order to hold her straw hat. The hem of her yellow panties showed. She was as innocent as a child yet at the same time as seductive as any femme fatale.

"Mitch," she sounded serious as she took my hand. She said nothing but her silence was foreboding. Her smile returned as we approached her new property. Although I still wasn't sure I wanted a long term relationship with Allie, I realized that my chief competitor for her energy would be her planned refuge for boy/girls who didn't have the breaks in life that she had been blessed with.. A worthy endeavor but one I didn't want to comepte against.

The first shoe fell at lunch.

"Mitch, I hope you don't mind if I don't drive back with you. I need to stay up here for a while."

I nodded, trying to keep a poker face. I felt relieved.

The next morning I dropped Allie her what she had brought up with here at a place that today might be called a `bed and breakfast.' She would be staying there while her house progressed to the point where she could move in.

Allie got out of the car as I took her bags from the trunk. She fussed with her skirt more than was necessary. She was trying to call my attention to just how wonderful she was. It was like she was honing her claws for another attack. I was pretty sure the second shoe was about to drop.

"Thanks for a great weekend. Making love to you was so spectacular." She averted her eyes like a naughty girl about to confess her misdeeds. "and fucking you was just so neat and I'm glad I was able to give you my cherry. Well, not my cherry like a real girl but you know what I'm saying." Allie paused and looked into my eyes. "But Mitch, it's no good for us to keep seeing each other. I thought I was in love with you, really I did. But I realize that I was in love with the idea of love. It was great while it lasted but it`s over between us"

"Okay, it's over." I played the hard guy.

"Mitch, how can you be so unfeeling. Can't you see how hard this is for me?"

"Sure I can because it hurts me too. Or hadn't you thought about that?

"Look, Allie, like you said it's over. Take care of yourself."

Can you believe she started crying?

It was late morning by the time Allie had finished stepping on me. I thanked my lucky stars and decided that it was too late to drive back to New York in one day. A quick sandwich and a beer might sit well while I mentally planned my drive home.

Teddy was on duty at the bar.

"Okay if I have a sandwich at the bar?"

"Sure. Say you like you need a friend."

"I guess I do. I just didn't know it was that obvious."

"It isn't really. Just that when I see a guy like you with a girl like that I can read it pretty well."

"How do you mean that?" It came out sounding both more defensive and more aggressive than I wanted to sound.

"No offense meant..."

"Don't apologize. I didn't mean to sound so...harsh I guess."

"When I see a trannie girl like that taking a sweet guy like you fore granted, well, it bothers me. First of a guy like you deserves to be treated a lot better than she could ever treat anybody. You're a luscious catch for a any girl let alone girls like us...like her..

"I've seen Allie around since we were kids. Her family summers here. Gave her everything she ever needed or wanted. It was good that they did that but she ended up spoiled, spoiled rotten. She's got some very special talents but she treats people terribly then sincerely tries to make it up to them and ends up making things worse. The kind that gives us, er, gives trannies a bad reputation.

"I just hope you're okay."

"Thanks for thinking of me but I'm okay. I've been hurt by her before so this time around I was smart enough not to open myself up."

I looked furtively around to make sure we were alone.

"Don't take offense but I've got to ask you...Are you ever the kind of girl Allie is?"

Teddy took a deep breath and nodded. "How did you know?"

"When I was first in here you bent over. The panty lines were pretty obvious...and pretty sexy too. Sorry, I don't mean to be fresh. Say, you're really neat."

A sad half smile showed just how pretty Teddy really was.

"Thanks. You're pretty neat, too. What you said about my panty lines wasn't fresh at all. I think it was really flattering coming from a nice guy like you. Most guys who get taken in by a trannie are really sore afterwards. They spend years looking to beat up on queens like us. You're different, though."

"Thanks for saying so. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I first let Allie break my heart or at least come close to it. You see I had this friend back home, name of Gina. She had a cousin..." I told her the story of Gina and Patty and my affair with Patty. I told her about Kara and how she introduced me to the Café des Masques where I met Allie and the rest of that story. Somehow I felt better for having talked to Teddy.

"My real friends, the ones who can take me for what I am call me Theo."

"May I call you Theo?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Theo wrote something on the back of a business card.

"Please phone me if you ever come up to the Cape again."

"I will."

"Come up to the Cape again or phone me?"

"Both."

Theo smiled sweetly. Our finger tips touched across the bar. Then our fingers entwined as we both bent toward each other over the bar. The kiss was light and moist, fraught with despair and the promise of hope. I don't know if it was fortunate or unfortunate that that first kiss was interrupted by the arrival of newly arrived guests.

I might never see Theo again but my encounter with her, a trannie who shifted between male and female, restored my belief that there was more than one boy/girl who had the same kind of goodness I had seen in Patty. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The drive back to New York was pretty uneventful. My return home had a few surprises.

My folks were out for the evening when the phone rang. Kara was calling from home. Hearing Kara's voice lifted my spirits. It was a pretty sure thing she and I would never be a serious item but she was someone I could talk about my feelings and maybe, just maybe, some girl at that girl's college of hers might want to meet a guy like me.

"Mitch, you're not going to believe this but one of my school chums, the one who got me into the arts district, she lives there. She's over here now. We were going through the yearbook from when you and I graduated. You will not believe this but she recognized your picture! Says she met you at the museum, chance meeting a year or two ago. She's never forgotten you. I'll put her on."

Before I could say a word Kara handed the phone to her friend.

"Mitch, you probably don't remember me..."

Hearing her voice only confirmed what I had known the instant Kara mentioned a meeting in the museum.

"Maddie, there's no way I could ever forget that afternoon."

"If I remember right I wasn't very nice to you."

"I guess I did something to upset you because you were crying when I left."

"Do I get a second chance, a chance to be nice to you?"

"Let's meet at the museum this Sunday. Only this time we'll play it out a with a happier ending. No, let me change that. Not a happier ending. Well, maybe a happier ending to the afternoon. What I really want to say is that I'm hoping that this time the afternoon will be a beginning, a beginning to something happy, something good between us."

"Mitch, you're babbling but I love it."

"I don't mean to be rushing you into anything but I..."

"Say no more. I'll meet you in front of the museum at one o'clock, when it opens."

"Great. Can I take you to dinner afterwards at some place nice?"

"Mitch, wherever you want to take me will be just fine as long we're together."

My spirits were soaring when we hung up. That lasted maybe five minutes before I crashed. I had given Allie a second chance and look where that led. Then again, this was different. Maddie was a class act whereas Allie, even the changed Allie, remained a self-centered bitch who used people to feed her own vanity.

Maddie was different. Of course she was. That much was obvious. Only real girls attend girl's colleges. She was a classy kid who might just help me break the pattern of crushes and affairs with what was it Theo called them? Trannies, right. Even though Patty and Theo were caring girls, they were still trannies and that was behind me now that I was going to see Maddie again. Things with might not work out between but it was about time for me to get back to real girls and get on with my life, to meet my fate among girls without dicks, girls with pussies. Come what may, Maddie was a great start on my road back to real girls.

I was at the museum early the next Sunday. A cab pulled up and out came Maddie. She still managed to look like a kid but today it was a kid wearing her big lady clothes. She wore a blue gray pleated skirt that barely covered her knees. A navy blazer with a school emblem over the breast pocket gave her a polished look that I saw as challengingly seductive. The collar of her man tailored shirt was open enough to show off her swanlike neck adorned by a single strand of pearls. Her hair was longer now and worn in a modified page boy. She wore the same beret she had worn on our first encounter. I glanced down at her legs. Cordovan penny loafers and knee socks. It amazed me how any outfit so demurely dull could make a girl look so desirable.

Maddie extended her hand to me as she approached. I was hoping for more than a handshake and tired to hide my disappointment. The next second I was trying to keep from grinning to broadly as she shook my hand, stood on tiptoe and kissed me right on the lips.

The kiss was spontaneous and brief. Just an unrehearsed expression of warmth and gladness. Why do I say 'just'? The simplicity, the normalcy of our greeting made it so very special and thrilled me to the core.. After the overly dramatic madness that Allie had dragged me through this meeting with a very preppie, very demure college girl was, in itself a delight. That it was a second chance with Maddie and the start of my return to real girls added to the luster of the moment. I knew for sure that I wasn't fated to spend my life pursuing half-mad, self-centered trannies; not if I could help it. Then, even as I looked at Maddie's smile, I thought of Patty who was ready to give up so much of what she wanted to take care of Gina. I thought too of Theo and how supportive she had been to me, a total stranger, when I might have become despondent over Allie's dumping me. Then Maddie spoke and her voice brought me back to the moment at hand.

Maddie had put her hand on my shoulder and gazed smilingly up at me after we kissed. She dropped her and took hold of mine.

"Oh, Mitch, it just so great to be near you, to touch you. You don't know how many times I thought of you as I drifted off to sleep. I don't know what I did to deserve another chance with you but it must have been something really right.

"Oh, and don't you just hate this ridiculous uniform. My high school had reunion church service this morning and we were asked to wear our old uniforms so we could be a presence. It was at the Quaker Meeting House downtown. I guess they're the only denomination in town that'll tolerate us."

I wondered what she meant by that cryptic remark. I just couldn't see that a group of girls from a prep school in Connecticut could be that rowdy that no church would put up with them.

"Anyhow I came here as soon as I could. Why waste time at the coffee hour when I could be here with you making up for lost time?"

As we walked hand in hand into the museum, Maddie moved closer to me so the our arms brushed against each other with each step we took. She pulled of her beret and stuffed it into her shoulder bag. "Feels good to take off this silly cap."

"You don't have to on my account. I think it looks cute on you."

"Do you really? You're just so sweet to say so." With that she pressed my hand in hers.

"Say, if you skipped the coffee hour after that church thing, you must be starving. Why don't we stop at the cafeteria first and get something for you?"

"Super. I really am famished. You are just so thoughtful." Another squeeze and this time the sides of our thighs brushed together.

This time I made sure to pay. I nibbled a Danish while Maddie enjoyed a tuna salad platter.

"I must tell you, Mitch. Kara kept talking about this boy from high school and I must admit I tuned her out until I saw your yearbook picture. That girl has to be prophetic. How else could she have known about us? I mean about having obstacles to overcome if we do work out together."

"Right," I agreed although I wasn't at all sure what she meant by `obstacles to overcome.' I guess she ad in mind our different backgrounds and different religions would make things difficult.

There was no concert that day so we spent an hour or two going through the galleries before taking a stroll through the nearby botanic gardens.

"Mitch, I want you take me to dinner in a place in your neighborhood. I want to see where you live, where people are real..."

"Are you sure? It won't be anything special."

"Mitch, I'm so fed up with being special and with being treated with all sorts of deference. You can`t possibly understand. Anyhow, being with you will make it special."

We got my car from the parking lot behind the museum.

I opened the passenger door for Maddie and watched her get in. She did it by sitting down with both feet still on the ground and then placing one foot into the car as she pivoted. She showed enough knee to make it interesting but not so much tat she didn't remain totally ladylike.

"Could you put the top down for me?"

I complied as she took a scarf from her shoulder bag and tied around her head. I steered the car for Grand Army Plaza with the intent of driving through the park.

"I love it!" laughed Maddie. "Light me a cigarette, will you?"

"Sure."

She rested her feet on the dash and allowed her skirt to slide to mid-thigh before putting her feet back on the floor. That she wore a mid-thigh panty girdle and that did nothing to turn me off especially since it was powder blue.

Maddie put her feet on the floor of the car, pulled her skirt as far over knees as she possibly could, an then tucked it tightly under her thighs. "It's not that I'm a prude but I really don't want to give any passing truck drivers or bus passengers a free show...Now, you, that's different."

Took my hand pressed it against her breast brought it to her mouth and kissed the palm. The feel of breast was different from most girls. It wasn't that unbelievable softness. She was using falsies, a heavily padded bra or both. That was fine with me. After my experiences with girl/boys I was used to flat chests which I was now finding to be a bigger turn on than boobs of any significant size. Meanwhile Maddie rested her left hand against my thigh. I was beginning to think Maddie was turning out to be the ideal girl for me. Athletically slender with small breasts and with no prick.

We strolled arm in arm along the main shopping street in my neighborhood. A few of the middle aged men hanging out if front of the cigar store nodded slightly as Maddie and I walked by. I was secretly pleased by that subtle sign of approval from those cynics.

We opted for a Chinese restaurant. I wondered if my folks might be there with my sister. I'm still not sure if I felt relief or disappointment when the hostess told me that had been in earlier but left half an hour ago. She smiled knowingly and showed us to corner booth.

"Be a dear and get my pocket book for me. It just fell near your feet."

As I bent to get it, Maddie raised her self up enough to curl on keg under her. It wasn't so dark that I couldn't see the crotch of her panty girdle.

"Wine?" I asked.

"Thanks but I really prefer beer with Chinese. Bud is fine for me." She scanned the dimly lighted restaurant before continuing. "Mitch, this place is so neat. You can't imagine what a thrill it is for me to eat out without having to put up with Maitre D's and all that." I wondered what she meant by 'all that' but said nothing due to my very limited experience of places with Maitre D's.

We placed our order and sipped our beer.

"Maddie, you may like being here but for me it's just too wild to spend a the day with you."

There was pensive expression on her face, an expression that was drifting toward melancholy with every passing second. A twinge of pain shot through me as I realized that her face was taking on the look she had when she sent me off the day we met.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Fine. I was just thinking about something. I wanted to wait until you took me home to tell you but I might as well tell you now before I waste your night. It just happened since we spoke on the phone. I have to change schools. Don't ask me why right now. I'll be transferring to the junior college division of my prep school. It's way out of the way so it will be hard or us to see each other if you find in your heart to keep dating me."

"Whoa. This is getting kind of heavy ."

"You're right, Mitch. Let's just enjoy the meal and then you can see me home. I really want to show you where my house. Id love you to meet Mum but shes away for until Tuesday. We`ll be alone and you can stay the night if you like. It would make me very happy if you would." She punctuated the last sentence by extending her leg between my thighs and pressing her foot against my crotch. It was all I could do to keep from cumming. That Maddie came on as this demure preppie complete with a severe school uniform added to the mood.

"Maddie, I would do anything to please you."

She kissed her finger tips and put them against my lips. I kissed them gently as she pressed a finger between my lips. She lifted my hand to her mouth and took my finger between her own lips. Our eyes smiled as we sucked gently.

"That was so neat. I loved that soup and I know you're not going to believe this but I've never had scallion pancakes before. It was all so delicious that I couldn`t control my urge...to eat. My tummy is just bursting." Maddie smiled up at me as she seated herself in the passenger seat of my car. I stared at her knees hoping for a glimpse of her panty girdle. Maddie knew what was on my mind. A playful giggle as she grabbed the hem of her skirt and pulled it up to her belly before lowering it again.

I slowed yteh car as we neared her street. "Don't worry about looking for parking." She gave me directions that took us past her house and around the block.

"Pull in over there."

I found myself facing a gate that led to a an alley. Maddei unlocked the gaet, pushed it open and motioned for me to pull up. She got back in and we drove to a small parking area ath the end of the alley. This was apparently the back entrance to the building in which she and Mum lived. We walked through a small garden and into the back entrance. A kitchen and a breakfast room led to the back satirs. We paused as Maddie asked if prefereed another beer or a liquor with coffee.

"You decide for me."

"Mmm, you're easy." She said as she picked up a phone, pressed a button and spoke. "Valerie, please make a pot of espresso and bring it to my sitting room with two cups. Put a bottle of anisette on tehtray." Then to me, "Is anisette okay or would you prefer Drambuie or something?"

"Anisette is fine. Settles the tummy."

Back to the phone. "That will be all. Just bring to my sitting room in fifteen minutes."

Maddie led us to the third floor where we entered a small suite of rooms that were her private preserve.

"This is my sitting room. Really more like a study. Come on in my bedroom so I can get out of this silly uniform. I'll have enough it when I switch schools."

She hung her blazer in a walk-in closet and turned to me. She unbuttoned her blouse and walked toward me, took me by the hands and pulled me to my feet. She unbuckled my belt, pulled my shirt from my trosuers and unbuttoned it.

She then steeped away from me, rached back and unzipped her skirt and let it fall. She slipped her blouse halfway down her arms and paused. Her powder blue bra was a perfect match to her girdle. He front panel of her girdle pressed her belly to a preternatural flatness. The girdle, however, was not so opaque that her light colored panties didn't show through. I breathed deeply as I studied her slim figure. I wasn't as subtle as I thought I was being as I gazed intently at the pretty bra with its lace edged cups. Although her breasts wee tiny, she had skillfully used falsies in addition to the well padded bra to push some cuvey softeness over the lacy edges. The effect was lovely and, to a me becoming more and more conditioned to appreciate lovers with very flat chests, more sexy than any top heavy girl could ever be.

"Thank you for appreciating what little I have," she said half playfully, half in earnest as she kissed me gently. "Now get rid of that shirt and those chinos."

A knock at the hall door as Maddie slipped into a thigh length robe that barely covered the edge of her panty girdle. I stood wakwardly n my briefs as Maddie opend the bedroom door and directed the servant to leave the tray on the console table.

"Please don't disturn us. I'l let you know in the morninhg when to have breakfast ready."

Maddie offered me the use of plain white robe before we went into the sitting room ofr liquor an dcoffee. I knew ehne we first met that Madison was out of my league but I hadn't even suspected how far out she really was. This was a life style I knew only through movies.

She curled her legs under her after pouring us each a cup of espresso and a pony of anisette.

"I suppose you're wondering why I have to change schools so precipitously. Some girls there are on to me and have become even more jealous now that they know. They feel quite threatened by me. To prtect the school and to keep them from taking kara down with me I decided to leave.

"Oh, Mitch. You really haven't caught on yet."

She opened her robe and pushed her panty gridle down to her hips. She managed to lower it to the bottom of her tummy while allowing the narrow elastic waist band of her white silk panties to reamin in place. She hesitated and then slowly moved the girdle to the top of her groin so that shadow of her pubic hair showed through the panties.

"I can't! Mitch, I dreamed of giving myself to you but I can't. Don't ask me why because...I just can't." She was crying, dabbing at the eyes with the back of her wrists like a child, like the innocent child she had gone back to being. Maddie was not so distraught that she was unable to pull her girdle back on.

Taking her in my arms I kissed her teary cheeks and held her gently. She sniffled and whispered "Mitch, I'm so glad you understand."

"Maddie, I can wait forever for you." At that moment I really believed what I said.

"I can't give myself to you but that doesn't stop me from taking you."

She laughed as she jumped against me and wrapped her legs around my waist. Her mouth covered mine as her tongue plunged deep into my mouth. I responded with my mouth and with my dick. Sounds were coming from Maddie, sounds that were both groans and grunts as her hand groped my balls. I felt her legs tighten around my waist as I realized she was taking control of not only the situation but of me as well.

Maddie clasped her hands behind my head and leaned back so that I had to struggle to keep from falling forward and onto this fiercely aroused preppie. Maddie kept one hand behind my head to support herself as she pulled toward me and drove the heel of her now free hand against my chin. Her forceful move added to my own rearward momentum enough to send me hurtling backward onto the bed.

Superb reflexes allowed Maddie to unwrap her legs from around my waist as we tumbled backwards onto the bed so that she landed astride me with her hands on my shoulders. Instantly she bounced up and came down so that her knees were on my shoulders in a perfect schoolyard pin. Dropping her head forward, she again kissed me as her hands caught my wrists. I was surprised and overwhelmed by her strength.

Maddie smiled down at me with a smile that was warm and affectionate. She shifted so that her knees wee now on the palms of my hands keeping me pinned but freeing her own hands. She reached back and pushed her hand into my briefs. Her nails dug into my balls as she applied pressure. "Take of those underpants."

Releasing my hands, she pivoted onto her knees so that I was able to raise my hips and push my briefs down and kick them aside. Maddie knelt along side me as she wrapped her hand around my swollen dick. "Mmm, possibilities," she purred. Without warning she bounced up and knee dropped into the pit of my stomach driving the breath from me!

We lay on her sides facing each other as I recovered from her sudden attack. A slowly progressing, deeply probing kiss as she ran her finger tips of my cockhead. It sounds bizarre but I was inconceivably aroused at being so suddenly and so completely physically overwhelmed by this petite Amazon. I drew her close to me and cupped her girdled bottom in my hands. Her hands found my naked bottom and cupped my cheeks. As she kneaded my bottom her nails heightened the sensations as she rhythmically dug them into my tender skin.

Maddie knelt along side me and bent close to my perpendicular prick as her tongue whisked a large drop of precum into her mouth. I spread my legs as Maddie knelt between my knees. Her tongue ran along the bottom of my shaft before teasing the tender rim of my cockhead. Then she took me into her mouth and stayed motionless for several minutes. She slowly slid her mouth along my cock as she released me from pleasurable confines of her very able lips. She straightened up and smiled.

"Not yet. I want this to last."

I drew a breath and nodded.

Maddie straightened up, reached behind her and unhooked her bra. The bra with its pinned in falsies fell way to reveal tiny mounds of breast peaked by the perky nipples. She curled up against me as I took her nipple into my mouth.

"Mitch, Mitch, please forgive me. You can't possibly understand now but someday maybe you will and then I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and love me." She put her index finger over my lip. I pushed her hand away before I spoke.

"Maddie, I love you. I love you here and now and I just hope you can let me love you forever."

"Stop that," Maddie commanded. "You mean no such thing." She cupped my balls in her hand and slowly drove her tongue into my mouth. A chill of delight spread through me she tickled the roof of my mouth.

"Oh, the hell with everything and everyone." Maddie swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. With her back still toward me she worked her panty girdle and panties slowly down over her rear until her entire bottom was bare. As she turned and faced me it was plain to see that she head been much more cautious about what she bared in front. Her firm but round tummy was now exposed to just above her pubic hair. The anticipation of what was not yet revealed was more erotic than if she had bared herself right down to her pussy. My cock was now twitching in anticipation of what she had yet to reveal. For me it as a reaffirmation that I could still respond to pussy as well as I had been responding to cock for too long.

Maddie straddled me as I lay almost flat on the bed. My head was between her legs as she bent forward to again apply her wonderfully adept mouth to my cock. Her bottom moved closer to my face as she began to take me deep into her mouth, deeper than I had ever dreamed a girl could take a penis. Her butt cheeks were against my face it. I didn't hesitate but immediately began to rim her perfect little rosebud.

"Damn it! I wasn't ready for this but I need it so bad and I need it from you."

She shoved her panty girdle down her thighs even as she continued to straddle my head. A suddenly as she began her outburst she turned her attention back to my precum dripping cock.

My eyes widened in surprise as Maddie's erect dick came within inches of my mouth. I hungrily swallowed the head and began to suck gently. I yelled and moaned, screeched and quivered as burst after burst of cum shot from me and into Maddie's eager mouth. Suddenly her cock began twitching and then throbbed as her moan built to a cry of ecstasy as he filled with me with more cum than I ever thought such tiny balls could produce.

Without pause we shifted so that we were locked in a face to face embrace as we each tasted our cum in our lover's mouth. With desperate urgency we milked each other's pricks until a second orgasm left us panting.

I should have been angry or upset or hurt or may be all of that but I wasn't. Somehow I was relieved and happy to know that Maddie was the same kind of girl I had been enjoying since almost that first day at the museum. Now I knew just what the potential scandal was that had prompted her to switch schools. What was so impressive about that was that Maddie, a trannie, had inveigled her way into a girls' college and had successfully kept up her ruse until some person or persons outside the school threatened to expose her. That Maddie was to caring to allow this to happen and embarrass the school showed just how decent she was.

I watched Maddie dress before I showered. She poke to me as she brushed he hair.

"Mitch, this is so unfair. It's so neat that you still care about me even though you know what I really am. I want you to understand that I can't stay the way I am. I hate being a girl with a dick. To me that's not being a girl. I need to be a real girl with a vagina. I can't go on living in a pretend game. I know there are lots of girls like me who like it like that. But not me. "You remember in the papers that Christine Jorgensen who had surgery. She's not the only one. There are lots of real girls who used to be girls like me but had operations. The doctors are much better at it now. They can give me a real vagina so I'll have all the sensations a real girl feels, orgasms and everything!" She paused and looked at me. Maybe she was reading mind because I was thinking how great Allie who, despite her bitchiness, was a great lover. And then there was Patty who was so caring and so beautiful and whom I would probably never see again. And the there's Theo back on the Cape. Even dressed as a boy Theo was more femme than most real girls, not to mention more attractive. "Mitch, I can tell your disappointed by what I just said. Maybe you do need me the way I am. Maybe you can accept me if I do really go ahead with that operation. We can see how it all plays out." "Sure. We've got to take it slowly and like thoughtful responsible adults." Maddie was right. It would take time, maybe forever, for me to accept her as a real girl with a vagina. I was beginning to admit to myself that my fate was to be the lover of trannies until I could find that one special girl. I hope I don't have say she would be a girl with a dick. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// A few weekends later I was back on Cape Cod. I had spent some time when I arrived the day before using Theo as a sounding board. She encouraged me to get my military service out of the way and use the GI Bill to go college.

"That way you would still have enough money to go to graduate school and become a clinical psychologist. With you're insights and experience you would great working with the kind of girls like me and anyone who falls outside of what society approves of. And because you're who you are you wouldn't try to force them to become like everyone else. You would help them be happy as they were meant to be. Mitch, do it for me. We need someone like you."

Theo began to apply her lipstick as we sat in my car outside the inn where I had first met her. It only took a little lipstick to transform her face from that of a pretty and androgynous boy to that of a totally beautiful woman. She closed the lipstick and rested her hand on my lap.

""Mitch, why not the Coast Guard? They have tons of stations here in New England. Maybe you can be posted not too far and we can see each other."

"I think I'd like that."

She leaned over and kissed me.

"You're swell. Can I take you to dinner sometime?"

"Why put off the inevitable. How about tonight?"

"Swell."

She gave me directions to her house and suggested a quiet place in Provincetown.

"No one will think twice about a couple like is there."

Later that evening I waited in front of her house. I was awestruck as she came out the door. It was Theo all right but a totally different Theo from what I expected. She wore a loosely fitted summer dress that swirled around her stocking enhanced legs as she walked down the path. A knit shawl protected her shoulders and arms from the cool night of the early spring. Her dark hair, parted down the middle, gave her oval face a heart shape.

I opened the car door for her and was rewarded by a slow display of bare leg all the way up to the hem of her pink panties. She smiled up at me. "If you like what you see there'll be more to come."

I started the car and headed toward Route Six and Provincetown.

"Theo, I am going take your advice about the Coast Guard and college and graduate school. There's one question I have though."

"Mitch, I'll be there with you and for you all the way, but only if you need me to be."

As she spoke Theo took two cigarettes from her purse, lit both at once and placed one between my lips as I drove. It gave me a moment to reflect.

Theo was a lot different from the other trannies who had passed through my life since Patty. My fate, I was sure, lay with that kind of girl. Each time I tried to get back to real girls I found myself attracted to a girl who was, totally unbeknownst to me, concealing a dick in her panties. There was some sort of deeply buried instinct within me which drew me to these trannie girls, girls who by almost any standard, were more beautifully femme, more attractive, and, to me, more desirable than almost any real girl could ever hope to be. They were each different in temperament and style. They were great lovers in every sense of that loosely used term. But it was their dick that made them special, tah6t drew me to them. Maddie was proof that it was so. I had dreamed of meeting her again and she didn't disappoint me; not until she told me she was going to have the operation that would make her a real girl complete with a working vagina. That left me totally cold. And for all that, I felt something was missing in my affairs with these wonderfully special girls. It was always the same. A few hours or a few days after lovemaking or after sex I had this sense that something was absent from the experience.

Even among trannie girls, Theo was special. She was low key, bright, and intuitively understanding. In our brief friendship, and it was a friendship, she showed me things about myself and gave me a sense of direction. I was praying that whatever was missing in my relationships with all the trannie girls before her, she would fill that missing piece.

"A penny for your thoughts...or would your prefer a kiss instead."

"The kiss would be wonderful but wait until we stop at a light or something. I was just thinking that I`ve been running away from the kind of girl I was meant to be with."

"That's swell. I just hope that I'm the kind of girl you're meant to be with. But one thing, Mitch. Don't run from me until I have a chance to give you everything I have to offer, everything it will take for us to build a life together."

"Theo, honey, it'll take I can't think of anything that will make me run from you." It was a struggle to keep from adding that the only thing that would make me give her up would be that awful sense of something missing, that pervasive disappointment after making love. And with Theo it would be lovemaking and not simply sex.

There were few cars in the restaurant parking lot in Chatham just across the Cape from Brewster on the ocean side.

"Please park over there." Theo beckoned to the darkest corner of the parking lot. "I can't wait, I just can't."

Theo undid my trousers. I raised my hips as she pushed them down. Her breath was warm on my cock as she slowly moved her face towards me. I sighed as she applied her lips to my cockhead. I lay across the car seat as Theo straddled me and raised her skirt to her waist. Pulling her panty crotch aside, she lowered her self onto my prick. Tightened and relaxing her sphincter muscles brought me to a quick orgasm. She climbed off me and lay back against the door. I adjusted my clothes and her ate her to a climax. I swallowed every drop that her lovely circumcised cock would give me.

We were both satisfied and longing for more.

A few hours later Theo lead me up the stairs to her attic apartment between Brewster and Orleans. We undressed slowly each giving the other a surfeit of foreplay between each piece of clothing. Now only Theo's panties remained. I knelt before her and nuzzled the underside of her rigid dick through the light cotton of her full coverage panties. She teasingly pulled away and turned her back to me. Sticking her tush toward my face she pulled her panties down to the edge of her cheeks. My cock was throbbing as I kissed her firm cheeks. Theo giggled as my tongue tickled the base of her spine. Again, she turned, allowing me to taste her precum.

Theo's hands were on the sides of my face as she bent forward to kiss me. Even as we kissed she guided me onto my back. I froze as I felt her finger, somehow lubricated with petroleum jelly, playing on my bottom hole. A flood of new and different sensations as she worked it deep into me. Kneeling between my legs, she smiled down at me, a smile of total adoration. Now my legs were over shoulders as she pressed her cock into me!

A whimper escaped my lips as I felt her balls against my bottom. The whimper became a moan as we began to move in perfect harmony. Theo's tongue added to my excitement as she probed my ear. Then a deep kiss as she crushed my balls in her hand. We screamed as we climaxed in a prolonged and intense orgasm, an orgasm that seemed to fade yet reached a new peak as our moans and our laughter punctuated my sudden understanding of what was missing from my relationships with all the trannie girls that had come before Theo.

I knew, too, that it was more than what Theo had given me for the first time that night. It was everything about her that told me I had realized my fate. It wasn't simply being in bed with trannie girls nor was it simply getting "it" the way I got it from Theo. I knew at that moment that Theo was everything that I ever needed and I was going to spend forever building a life with her.

Mardee Louise Prynne