Escape

Hi everyone! I bet your glad to see me. Now you can finally find out who Beth is. Or will you? That is the question.

Short intro this time. Don't want to leave you hanging any longer. Check out these stories if you get a chance: Forever, Studio in the Country, Lance in Shining Armour, Kevin and Justin, and of course Choices. There are more, but I can't remember them right now. Call it a brain freeze. Call is stupidity. Call it whatever you want. I don't care.

Disclaimer: blah blah gay sex yadda yadda fiction

End of chapter 32

Kevin handed AJ a soda and sat down next to him on the couch. He and AJ were having a small dinner with Howie, Ameena, Brian, and Shelley. They had all flown back to Orlando the day after the wedding. Everyone wanted to get home after the long tour.

Nick and Allie were honeymooning in Hawaii. They had chosen Hawaii because they had both been there before and wouldn't feel obligated to go sightseeing. This way they could stay in their room the whole time.

"It really was a beautiful wedding. I didn't think they could pull it off considering how busy they both were all year." Brian said with a smile. He snuggled up to Shelley, happy to be with her again.

"And the reception was fabulous. Well, except for Joey's toast." Kevin said laughingly.

"I thought Joey's toast was funny." AJ said looking at Kevin with a grin. Kevin rolled his eyes.

"Of course you would think it was funny. He quoted Homer Simpson in it."

"Hey the Simpson's is quality programming and Homer while often an idiot can offer many, many wise observations about life."

"But the one Joey used was not a wise observation about life."

"It was funny though. He used the what is a wedding quote. Come on."

Kevin sighed. "There is no winning this with you is there." AJ shook his head. "Fine. You're right. It was a good toast and it was a funny quote. Now I am going to go check on the steaks."

Kevin went out back to check the grill. He whistled softly as he marinated them. AJ slid the door open.

"Kevin there's someone here to see you." He turned around.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? How can you not know?"

"I'm sorry I don't know who she is okay. She knows who you are though. I think you should come to the door."

Kevin shrugged and closed the lid to the grill. He followed AJ to the foyer. A woman was standing at the end with her back to them.

Kevin walked up to her with AJ right behind. She turned to face him. Kevin's breath caught in his throat and he felt like someone had stabbed him. This couldn't be happening. Not now. It had been over 11 years, but it was definitely her.

"Hello Kevin."

"Beth?"

And now....

Chapter 33

"So you do recognize me? I wasn't sure if you would. It's been a long time." Beth smiled at him warmly. Kevin almost melted at the sight of that smile. He had never been able to resist that mischievous grin.

"What are you doing here Beth?" Kevin regained his voice and wanted to know what was going on. Beth shook her head disapprovingly.

"Kevin, I thought I taught you better then that. You know how I hate skipping the bullshit and pleasantries section of the visit."

He blushed deeply as she chastised him. Kevin was faintly irritated at the way she had stepped right back into the role of mother. He was even more irritated that he fell back into the role of child.

"Sorry Beth." He mumbled softly. AJ watched the two of them interact with interest. Who was this woman who had this kind of effect over Kevin?

"Would you please join me for some coffee?" Beth smiled again and hooked her arm around Kevin's, patting it gently. "Much better Kevin. I would be delighted to join you." She turned in AJ's direction, studying him carefully before saying anything else.

"Aren't you going to introduce us Kevin?"

Kevin had completely forgotten AJ was standing there. He blushed deeply again.

"Beth this is my fiancé Alex. Alex this is Beth.", he paused before finishing "She and I are old friends."

Beth smiled warmly at AJ. "It is a pleasure to meet the man who finally got Kevin to settle down. But remember until you get him to the altar, it doesn't mean anything."

Kevin jerked her arm slightly, giving her a look. She smiled sweetly again, holding her hand out to AJ. He took her hand gingerly. "It's nice to meet you too Beth."

Kevin wanted to get her away from AJ before the truth about their past got out.

"Can you please tell everyone I will be in shortly? And make sure the steaks are okay." Kevin pleaded with AJ through his eyes. AJ nodded. He walked away leaving Kevin alone with Beth.

Beth looked at the man standing in front of her, trying to reconcile the grown man in front of her with the one she had known so long ago. He was still as handsome as ever, but more importantly he still had that same innocence that she loved more then his looks.

Kevin had known it was her when he saw her, but there was something different. She was thinner and her face was drawn.

"Let me get you the coffee." Kevin was uncomfortable, unsure of how to act around her.

"Kevin, just relax. I'm not here to hurt you. I just need your help." He nodded and led the older woman into the kitchen. He pulled a chair out for her, taking her purse and setting it on the counter.

"Do you still take your coffee the same way?" She nodded, shivering slightly. Kevin quickly poured her a cup and added a small amount of sugar to it. He put it in front of her, sitting down across from her.

"It's been a long time Beth. Why now?"

Beth sighed, fidgeting with the coffee mug in her hands. "When was the last time we talked Kevin?"

"Really talked or just exchanged pleasantries?"

"Really talked."

Kevin thought back. "At least ten years. Maybe more. After I moved down here we kind of lost touch. Then you moved to Louisville and never gave me the number."

Beth sighed. "I had many reasons not to tell you where I was. And you didn't exactly make yourself available either. I didn't come here to argue about the past Kevin."

"Okay fine. Why did you come here?"

"Did you hear anything about me?" Kevin shook his head. "What should I have heard?" He was getting annoyed with this already.

Beth took a sip of her coffee and looked away from him. "Promise me you won't overreact. I remember what your temper is like."

Now Kevin was fed up. "Beth can you please cut the crap? I have a house full of guests and your wasting my time."

Beth reached into her pocket, pulling out a photograph. Angrily, she tossed it in front of Kevin. "Meet Benjamin Jacob Williams, your son."

AJ walked into the living room to rejoin the others. He had no clue who this Beth woman was, though Kevin obviously knew. He looked like he had seen a ghost when she turned around.

"Who was at the door?" Howie asked AJ as he sat back down.

"An old friend of Kevin's. They're talking in the kitchen."

Brian looked up from the chips and dip with interest. "Who is it? Someone from home?" Since he and Kevin had grown up together they had a lot of mutual friends.

AJ shrugged, reaching for his soda. "Maybe. He introduced her as Beth. Do you know a Beth?"

Brian's face immediately paled. It couldn't be Beth. At least not that Beth.

"What does she look like?"

"Well, she's about Howie's height with short red hair. I think her eyes were brown. And she's got this incredible smile. It just lights up her face. She was kind of rude to me though."

Brian looked like he was hit with a sledgehammer. It was her. No one else had a smile that could be described that way. What was she doing here?

"Do you know her Brian?" Howie asked him, knowing full well that he did because of that pained expression.

Brian didn't know what to say. It was obvious that Kevin had never told AJ anything about Beth, including her name. Sure AJ knew he had been engaged, but that must have been where Kevin stopped the story. Brian knew it wasn't his place to tell him. It had been so long since he had seen Beth too. He missed her sometimes.

Brian shook his head before answering Howie. "Yeah I know Beth. She and Kevin are old friends. I knew her pretty well too."

Shelley rubbed his back, sensing he was lying about something.

"Then why don't you go say hi? I'm sure she'd love to see you."

"I don't think that's a good idea right now Ameena."

Ameena pressed on, making Brian wish that she was on tour with 'Nsync instead of sitting across from him. "Why not Brian? Go see her."

"She and Kevin need some time alone. They were very close at one point and they haven't seen each other in years. I'm sure I will get to see her before she leaves. Okay." He glared at Ameena, trying to make her stop. Howie squeezed Ameena's hand gently making her look at him. He shook his head slowly and she shut up.

Kevin looked at the picture on the table in shock. His son? But he didn't have a son. He and Beth had always used...except that last time. Oh god. What if it was true? How was he going to tell everyone? How was he going to tell AJ?

His hands trembling, he reached for the picture. The face staring back at him was undeniably a Richardson. He looked just like Kevin had when he was 10. The eyes, nose, mouth, and facial structure were the same as his, almost as if he had been cut from a cookie cutter of Kevin's face. He had Beth's fair skin and auburn hair. The smile the little boy had was Beth's. It lit up his face, making his striking green eyes sparkle. Kevin's heart beat faster when he looked at the picture of his son. This was his own flesh and blood. He was part of another person.

"Why are you telling me this?" He murmured, not really able to speak normally. Kevin traced the boy's face with his fingertip.

Beth stood up and walked over to him. She put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder like she used to when they were together. Beth expected him to push her away, but instead he placed a hand on her arm, reaching for her hand with his own.

"Kevin I had no where else to go. You've got to understand that. I didn't want to have to do this to you, to him. To all of us." She was quiet, blinking back tears as she looked at her son's picture. Kevin nodded, his eyes never leaving the picture.

"Mom and Dad died soon after Ben was born, so the only person I had to lean on was my baby sister Kara. You remember her right?" Kevin nodded. "Kara was killed two years ago in a car crash. She was the only person I had left to take custody of Ben when I died. I had been diagnosed with breast cancer about six months before she was killed. So when she died, I was left looking for someone to take him when I died. I went into remission and I stopped thinking about what would happen when I died, because I was sure that I wasn't going to. Then in November I was diagnosed with active cancer again. This time we can't seem to push it into remission. It's gone too far and spread throughout my body. I don't have much time left Kevin. That's why I'm here. You're the only person left to take Ben."

Kevin stood up suddenly, pushing Beth off of him. He had no idea what to think. His former fiancée whom he hadn't seen in almost 11 years just asked him to take custody of their son, who he had never even known about, when she died.

"Beth, you don't know what you are asking. I've never even met him. How am I supposed to just walk into his life after all these years? He's going to hate me. And what about AJ? How am I supposed to explain to a 10 year old that I am living with and marrying another man? What do I do when I go on tour again?"

Tears began to fill Beth's eyes. Her last hope was ranting and raving about how much Ben was going to hate him. If Kevin said no, she didn't know where else she was going to turn.

"Okay fine. I understand. I'm very sorry I bothered you. I'll go now." Kevin turned to see her collecting her purse and wiping tears from her cheeks.

"No Beth wait! I'm not saying no. I just don't know what to think. If Ben is my flesh and blood like you say he is and by this picture, he sure looks like it, I can't turn my back on him."

Beth sat back down, waves of relief passing over her. He was going to do it. This wasn't going to be easy, but she had someone she trusted and at one point loved very much to take care of her son.

Kevin took a key out of his pocket and unlocked a small drawer. Beth watched as he pulled out a small bottle of scotch. Unscrewing the lid, he took a long drink. Coughing for a moment and making a horrible face, Kevin out the lid back on, relocking the drawer after he put it away.

"I hate scotch, but it hits the spot sometimes."

"Why do you lock the drawer?"

Kevin didn't want to share with her, but she needed to know everything about his life and he knew it.

"AJ is an alcoholic. He doesn't even know that's there or else he would have found it by now."

Beth nodded and shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"How much time do you have Beth?" Kevin asked, suddenly scared about how little time he was going to have with her. "I'll probably be dead by August." She answered calmly, having accepted her own mortality a long time ago.

Kevin sat down next to her, pulling her onto his lap like he used to years ago. He buried his face in her shoulder, hugging her tightly. Beth hugged him back, smelling the comforting scent of Kevin that she still remembered after all this time.

"Thank you Kevin." She said quietly, not letting him go. He didn't seem to mind, resting comfortably with her in his arms.

"I never stopped loving you Beth. I hope you know that." She nodded. "I never really stopped loving you either. I was actually thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. I had a little piece of you with me forever in Ben."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I didn't want you taking him away from me. And then you got so famous that I knew if I ever told you, it would be too much. But I had too. I had no choice."

"I know Beth. I know."

AJ watched as Brian was lost in thought. They were all chatting but Brian. AJ knew in his heart that this had to do with Beth, but what was her connection to the cousins?

"I'm going to go check on the steaks. I'll be right back. Does anyone want anything while I'm up?"

"I could use another soda if you don't mind AJ?" Howie asked him politely. "No problem. I'll be right back."

AJ slid open the patio door and walked over to the grill. From where he was standing, he could see right into the kitchen. He saw Kevin holding a picture. Beth had her arms around him and was talking. All of a sudden Kevin got up, pushing Beth away. He watched as Kevin shouted at her, making her pick up her stuff crying. Kevin's face softened and he said something else. She sat back down, wiping the tears from her face. A relieved smile passed over her face. AJ looked down at the steaks, flipping each one quickly, hoping to see some more.

Kevin locked a small drawer and sat next to Beth, pulling her onto his lap, holding her tightly. They hugged for a long time, talking to each other. AJ could see their mouths moving, but he had no idea what they were saying to each other.

"Tell me about him. What's he like?" Kevin let Beth rest her head on his shoulder as she talked. He stroked her short hair absentmindedly as he listened.

"He's a great kid Kevin. He plays soccer and swims like a fish. He got your talent that's for sure. He loves to sing. Last year he joined the church choir and he loves it. He's the only kid his age that takes singing and dancing lessons. It was his idea not mine. I remember years ago, your mother telling me about you as a child, how active you were and how curious about everything. He's the same way. Constantly asking questions and moving around. He's a handful, but every moment is worth it."

"Does he know anything about me?"

Beth shook her head. "All I told him was that his daddy and I parted ways before he was born, but that if he was still there he would love him very much. I never wanted him to think of you as abandoning us because you didn't. He's not one those angry little boys who thinks that daddy is a terrible person. He said that he would want to meet you and spend time with you."

"Where is he now?"

"At home in Louisville. One of his friend's parents took him for a few days while I came looking for you."

"What are you going to tell him about me before I meet him?"

"All I can tell him is the truth. He's knows who you guys are. Hell everyone knows who you are. I'm going to tell him that you are his daddy and I'm also going to tell him about AJ. I wouldn't let him walk into a situation he knew nothing about, especially one he has never been exposed to before. And I am going to tell him that he's going to live with you after I die."

"Move in here now. Both of you. It'll be easier for me to get to know him if you are still here. Then he doesn't have to deal with losing his mother and trying to adjust to a new family too."

Beth looked at him with a surprised look. "Kevin I don't want to live with you. I didn't come here to get anything from you for myself. I just need you after I'm dead. Until then Ben is fine in Louisville."

"Beth don't you think it would be a good idea to meet my son before he moves in with me? At least move to Florida. You don't have to live with us here. Please, please don't make me learn all about my son after you are dead. Don't make it a shock on both of us."

Beth was quiet, resting her head against Kevin's shoulder. What he said made perfect sense, but she didn't want to leave her friends when she was going to need them most. She needed to think about Ben though. It was going to be very hard on him to be moved to a strange state into a strange house with two people he had never met before right after she died.

"I'll think about it Kevin." She said quietly. Kevin kissed her forehead and held her even tighter.

"Do you want to stay for dinner? You can meet a few of the people that will be Ben's extended family."

"I don't want to impose."

"It's no imposition. I threw on a couple of extra steaks anyway. Besides, Brian's here. I'm sure he would love to see you."

Beth's face lit up in a smile. "Your little cousin is here? I haven't seen him in years. How is Brian doing?"

"Pretty good. Why don't you come see him yourself? Please Beth."

Beth looked into Kevin's pleading eyes. She knew how he was feeling. After not seeing him for so long, she didn't want to let go of him now that she found him again. A shudder passed through her body as she stared at him. In her heart, she knew that she still loved Kevin. She was surprised to see that same love reflected in his eyes.

AJ walked into the kitchen, trying not to interrupt the two of them. Kevin broke his eyes away from Beth and looked at AJ as he grabbed a soda from the fridge.

"Hi sweetie."

AJ turned and looked at the two of them with a smile on his face. Kevin immediately recognized AJ's fake smile and his heart fell.

AJ looked at them, trying to hide the fact that his heart was aching looking at someone sitting on Kevin's lap, holding him so closely. Who was this woman?

"Are you joining us for dinner tonight Beth?" AJ asked her, trying to sound as enthused as possible. Beth could hear the strained tone in his voice. She climbed off Kevin's lap and walked over to AJ.

"I'm no threat to you. I promise."

AJ nodded and smiled gratefully at her. "Are you going to stay?" He asked her again, sincerely this time.

"I think I will. I haven't seen little Brian Littrell in years. God he was only 16 the last time I saw him." She grinned at AJ, putting her arm around his waist. AJ seemed a little surprised, but put his arm on her shoulder.

"Well he hasn't changed that much. I think he's still 16 most of the time. Let's go see him." Kevin smiled at both of them happily. He wanted AJ to like Beth, especially so he would be more receptive to what he had to tell him later.

Kevin shut the door behind Brian and Shelley, relieved that everyone had finally left. The only people in the house besides him were AJ and Beth. Surprisingly it had been AJ who had invited Beth to stay the night. The two of them were getting along great.

He walked back into the living room pausing for a moment to watch AJ and Beth talk. The two people in the world that he loved enough to want to marry were finally talking to each other. Only AJ had no idea that Kevin and Beth had been that close. Kevin knew that was going to be a big problem. She was a very big part of his past that he hadn't shared with AJ. He didn't really know how to tell him that Beth had been his fiancée. He hadn't even thought about how to tell him about Ben.

"Kevin, Beth was just telling me about her son Ben. I can't wait to meet this kid." AJ grinned at him, sliding over to let Kevin sit next to him. Kevin reached for his hand, holding it tightly.

"Alex, Beth and I need to talk to you about something." Beth looked at him, her face filled with concern. "Are you sure you want to do this now Kevin? We can wait until morning."

Kevin shook his head. "I need to tell him now. We need to tell him now."

"Hold up. If this about Beth being your fiancée years ago, I already figured that out. I'm fine with it." AJ said, surprising both of them.

"Okay well that made that part easier."

"There's more? What is Ben your son or something?" AJ said jokingly. Both Kevin and Beth looked at each other, their faces filled with regret.

"I was just joking. Why are you two looking like that? It's not true is it?" AJ pulled his hands away from Kevin forcefully.

"Actually it's true. Ben is my son, our son." Kevin said quietly. AJ jumped up and began to pace.

"How long have you known about this child?"

"I only found out this evening. That's why Beth came to see me. Well, part of the reason."

AJ looked at both of them. "There's even more then this? Well just tell me so I can deal with it all at one time."

"I have cancer AJ. I came to find Kevin because he's the only person left to take custody of Ben when I die."

AJ sat down on the couch heavily, his mouth open in shock. "Did you say yes?"

Kevin nodded, not looking at AJ, sure that he was going to blow up at him. AJ was quiet. He dropped his head to his lap, resting it in his hands. Neither Beth nor Kevin said anything, letting him think.

How could Kevin say yes without thinking to ask him? Did he even think about the plans that they had? A 10 year-old boy was not going to be happy about being dropped into his father's lap after all these years. But what choice did they have? If Ben really was Kevin's son, then he had an obligation to take care of him. What could he say or do to make Kevin change him mind? Nothing. This was his fate too.

Finally AJ looked up, his eyes slightly red, but no tears were visible. "Can I see a picture of our son?"

AJ sat on the bed wearing only his boxers. He scratched his chest and looked at the bathroom door. He was tired, but there was no way he was going to bed without talking to Kevin about this. And he knew that Kevin knew he wanted to talk because Kevin never took this long in the bathroom.

Kevin opened the bathroom door and saw that AJ was still up waiting for him. He sighed. He didn't want to deal with this now, but it sure looked like AJ did.

Kevin slid under the covers making a big show of yawning.

"Don't even try it. We're talking about this now." Kevin sighed and sat back up. "Can't we do it in the morning? I'm exhausted."

"So am I, but I want to talk about this now. I won't get any sleep if we don't."

"All right." Kevin relented. "I meant it when I said I was fine with Beth."

"That's good."

"Why didn't you tell me about her?"

"I don't know. I guess I wanted to leave that part of my life behind me. You knew that I was engaged. I didn't think that any details were needed. I didn't expect her to show up on our doorstep."

"But you loved Beth. You still love her a lot. I can see it when you look at her. Why didn't you marry her?" Kevin looked at AJ, wondering if he was joking. AJ's face was dead serious.

"I'm gay AJ in case you haven't noticed in the past five years we've been together."

"Don't get defensive Kevin." Kevin threw his head back in disgust. "I'm sorry but that was a stupid question AJ."

"Gay men do marry women Kevin. I'm glad you didn't marry her, but I think you could have been happy married to Beth."

"See I don't. Look sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is a big part. Yes I loved Beth. However it got to a point where I couldn't have sex with her. I just couldn't get aroused by her. She wasn't repulsive to me. It was more like there just wasn't anything."

"So you ended it because you couldn't sleep with her?"

"AJ I cheated on Beth. I would go out, have sex with men and come home to her. It wasn't fair to either of us. If we had gotten married that's what my life would have been. That's why I ended it."

"Did she know that you cheated on her?" Kevin nodded. "I had to tell her. I loved her too much not to. She forgave me. I don't know why. We stayed together for another two months. Those last few months of our relationship was pretty much a comfortable friendship."

"Did she cheat on you?" AJ asked, thinking that might be another explanation from where Ben came from.

"No she didn't. And I stopped after I told her."

"Clarify something for me. You said you couldn't have sex with her right?" Kevin nodded. "Then where did Ben come from?

"I'd forgotten about this night until she told me about Ben. It was our last week together. I was going back to Orlando and she was staying in Kentucky. It just kind of happened. We never stopped sharing a bed and most nights we did hold each other. That night we just got caught up in the moment. We didn't have any condoms, but we had sex anyway. We went our separate ways a few days later. I never gave that night a second thought."

AJ was quiet. He scratched his calf, tracing the tattoo that was there with his fingertips. Kevin watched him, waiting for the explosion. AJ had been too calm about all of this. Something was going to snap.

"I want you to have a paternity test done before we agree to this. I want to know for sure that he is your son and Beth isn't pulling a fast one over you." Kevin didn't say anything. "You do want to know for sure don't you?"

"AJ it really doesn't matter if Ben is biologically my son. I'm still going to take him when Beth dies."

AJ got out of bed and began to pace around. Kevin held his breath, knowing the explosion was even closer.

"What about our plans? Did you think about that?"

"AJ, what was I going to say? No. Both of us want children. Now we have one and he is ours. Why are you so mad about this?"

"I wanted our own kids! Not a child that you fathered without knowing it. This kid is not going to like either of us! He is going to resent us, especially you because you haven't been there his whole life. This is not what I wanted!" AJ shouted at him.

"Do you really think that I wanted this? I'm not prepared to have a 10 year-old dropped into my lap. I'm scared to death. I haven't been able to think about anything but Ben since Beth said he was mine. I'm not going to get this chance again AJ."

"Yes you would. And you would have a child that you raised, that we've raised, and you've been there for him or her their whole life."

"I'm not going to turn my back on my only son."

AJ's eyes filled with tears. He wasn't going to be able to change Kevin's mind.

"You know, my father said the same thing to me. I hope you're better at keeping that promise then he was."

AJ's mouth quivered and the tears spilled down his face. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he wanted Kevin to take Ben. The thought of another child having to grow up without his father in his life bothered him.

Kevin got out of bed and walked over to AJ. He gathered him in his arms and let AJ sob on his shoulder. He stroked AJ's back and tried to calm him.

"AJ I'm nothing like your father. I'm not going to hurt Ben the way your father hurt you. I promise."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep."

Kevin took AJ's face in his hand. He used his fingertips to wipe away the tears. "I can keep that promise. I will always be there for Ben."

The tears continued to run down AJ's face. Kevin let AJ's face go. AJ buried his face in Kevin's chest and began to talk through the tears.

"The last year has just been so crazy. All I wanted to do was relax all summer and not deal with anything. Now we have to learn how to be parents. I just wanted some Kev and AJ time again."

Kevin hugged him close. "I know. I wanted the same thing. Life doesn't always work out the way we want it to though."

AJ pushed him back, catching Kevin off guard. He wasn't expecting AJ to get mad at that.

"No it doesn't work out the way we want it to. If that was the case none of this past year would have happened. Coming out wouldn't have happened. AA wouldn't have happened. 'Nsync wouldn't have happened. Britney wouldn't have happened. The greatest album we've ever made, Escape, never would have happened. Would you have wanted that Kevin? Tell me. What did you want this year to be like?"

"I don't know. Why are you asking me this?"

"Because life is not as cut and dry as you think. Our whole lives have been leading up to this point. To this fight. To this exact moment. That choice you made over 10 years ago to fuck Beth without a condom is coming back now!"

"Shut up AJ! Sit down and listen for a moment."

"No! I'll listen to you when you listen to me!"

"Fuck you Alexander James McLean!"

"No, fuck you Kevin Scott Richardson!"

Kevin grabbed the blanket and his pillow. "I'll be on the couch if you need me."

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Kevin said, slamming the door behind him.

"Can you pass me the sugar please?" AJ said coolly. Kevin handed it to him without a word.

Karen watched the two of them from across the booth. They had been sitting in the diner across from her office for twenty minutes now. Neither of them were opening their mouth to say anything beside the bare minimum.

"You two are paying for this session you know. I do a better job if you actually talk to me."

AJ continued stirring his coffee.

"It's his fault." Kevin said bitterly. AJ scowled at him.

"It's no one's fault. We are not going to start off a conversation by blaming each other." Karen's voice was angry as she talked to them.

"From what I have managed to piece together from frantic phone calls post-fight from both of you, Kevin has a son. Said son is moving in because his mother, Kevin's former fiancée is dying. Neither of you are that thrilled about it. Is their anything I am missing?"

"AJ said that Ben will never accept us because he hasn't been with us his whole life. He thinks that we should just adopt our own kids and let him go because he's not worth the trouble."

"That is not what I think!" AJ shouted. A few people around them looked over at them. AJ lowered his voice.

"You're twisting my words. I want Ben to move in with us. I want a chance to raise your son as our son. I just wish you had asked me before saying yes. You didn't even think about our plans before you agreed."

"AJ what was I going to say? Beth asked me as a friend and as Ben's father to do this. I am not going to turn my back on my son!"

Karen held her hand up, trying to get their attention. Neither of them noticed as they continued to glare at each other.

"Kevin! AJ! Shut up for a moment."

They turned to look at her. By now they were both used to her approach and actually liked it.

"Are you two even listening to each other anymore? Because if you were you would notice that you are essentially saying the same thing."

They just stared at her blankly. "Okay judging by those blank looks, you've gotten past the point of listening since you've had this argument so many times. I'll spell it out for you."

The waitress came over to the table and poured more coffee for AJ. She paused for a moment, but decided not to speak because of the tension around the table. She walked away, leaving the three of them alone again.

"Kevin you didn't ask for this to happen, but you are reacting the only way you think you can. AJ you didn't ask for this to happen either, and you are reacting the only way you think you can. And both of you are thinking about Ben first. You just aren't thinking about each other."

Karen took a sip of her soda letting what she had said sink in for a moment before continuing.

"AJ have you considered that Kevin is scared? He is just as shocked as you are about finding out about Ben."

AJ nodded. "I know Kevin's scared. I can see it in his eyes. I wish I could do something to take away his fear but I can't."

Kevin looked over at AJ his face registering the love he heard in AJ's voice.

"And Kevin. As much as AJ might not want to admit this, most of his fears are stemming from his father's treatment of him. You need to recognize that. AJ wants to be a good father and he wants his kids to not feel abandoned by him. He seems to feel that Ben already feels abandoned by you and he doesn't want to have anyone feel that way about you."

AJ tried to hold back his tears as Karen talked about his father. Kevin put his arm around AJ's shoulder and let him cry.

"I don't want to have my son treated the way AJ was either. Ben knows about me now. If I was to say no, then he would be abandoned by me. I want him to feel loved by both of us. I need AJ to at least try to accept him."

"I do accept him Kev. I want him to be a part of our family. Now that I know about him, all I want to do is take care of him."

Karen sighed heavily. Sometimes she hated the fact that Kevin and AJ were so blind to each other. They could take care of so many people, but they never really knew how to take care of each other. All that arguing and neither of them had realized that they were saying the same thing a different way. It was very frustrating for her to listen to them. And she knew that the next few months up until the wedding were going to be very stressful for both of them especially now that they had Ben in their lives too.

"Now are the two of you going to stop shouting and start listening to each other? That will make my job a whole lot easier the next few months."

Kevin and AJ looked over at her. "I'm going to try if AJ's willing to try." Kevin said, looking into AJ's eyes. "I'll try too."

"Good now let's move on to the next issue, the wedding."

Chapter 34

Kevin looked around the room again, making sure that everything was ready for Ben. Kevin and AJ had convinced Beth that it was best for her and Ben to move in with them. She had protested because she didn't want to be a burden on them, but truthfully she knew it was for the best.

Kevin was a little reluctant to have to watch Beth die. He had just gotten her back in his life after all these years and now he was going to lose her again. Kevin blinked back tears at the thought. He walked over to the bed and sat down. He picked up one of Ben's stuffed animals and held it to his chest.

All of Ben and Beth's stuff had been sent down a few days ago. They had stayed in Louisville to say goodbye to friends. They would be here anytime now. He was nervous to meet Ben. The two of them had talked on the phone a few times since Beth had left but that had been awkward for the two of them.

AJ stood in the doorway, watching Kevin hug the stuffed animal. The room was filled with stuff for a boy. Kevin and AJ didn't know what to buy him so they waited to see what was sent down. Then they had gone on a shopping spree. His bed, bureau, and desk had been complimented with a nightstand and a chair. They had gotten him a TV and a new computer. Nick had gotten Ben a present as well, buying him a brand new Playstation and a slew of games.

"Are you okay honey?" AJ walked in and sat next to Kevin, resting his head on his shoulder.

"I'm scared AJ. What if Ben doesn't like me?"

"Don't worry about it Kevin. He's going to love you." AJ gave him a kiss on the cheek, hoping that he was right. He said a quick prayer just in case.

"How do you think Iya's going to react to Morpheus?" AJ asked him, trying to get his mind off Ben's reaction to him.

"Well she got along with Busta fine. She'll probably be fine with Morpheus. He is a little bit bigger though."

"Well he is a Newfoundland. Beth said he was about 150lbs." Kevin shuddered at the thought of a 150lb dog running around the house. "We're going to have to get tips from Lance about having a big dog around."

"Let's go check Beth's room before they get here." Kevin said putting Ben's stuffed animal back on his bed.

Sitting down and telling the guys had been tough. They had waited until Nick and Allie had gotten back before calling a meeting of the guys and their families. Brian already knew having heard the news from his mother. Anne had been so excited about having another grandson that she couldn't keep it to herself.

Everyone had been very supportive and hid their shock well. After Kevin had left to go to talk to Karen, AJ had confided his fears in them. All of them promised to try to make it easy on him if they could.

The doorbell rang as they were walking down the hall to Beth's new room. Kevin froze mid-step. "AJ is it them?"

AJ touched the panel on the wall. He saw Beth and Ben standing there. He also saw Morpheus. AJ gulped when he saw the size of the dog. "It's them. Let's go."

Kevin didn't move. He couldn't move. His feet were frozen in place. AJ turned around and saw him standing there. He walked back to him and grabbed his hand.

"Come on. You don't want to make them wait." AJ dragged Kevin down the stairs to the front door.

They both stood there, knowing that their future was waiting on the other side of the door. AJ squeezed Kevin's hand firmly before letting go. He reached forward and opened the door.

"Hi!" AJ said excitedly. Beth smiled warmly and gave him a hug. AJ could feel how weak she was from her hug. He was worried about her. Ben just stared at him. "Where's Kevin at AJ?" Beth asked him.

AJ turned. Kevin had taken off. "He was just here. Why don't you guys come in? I'll find him."

Ben didn't make a move until his mother nudged him. He walked into the house, followed obediently by Morpheus. AJ led him and his mother to the living room.

"Oh good. You did put covers on the couch. I was afraid that you wouldn't take the list I sent you seriously. Morpheus can do a lot of damage without meaning to." She sat down on the couch and closed her eyes.

AJ turned to Ben. "Hi Ben. I'm AJ. It's great to meet you." He held his hand out to Ben, who just looked at it.

"Ben be polite and say hi to AJ." Beth said wearily from the couch. Morpheus jumped up and rested his huge head carefully on her lap, watching her with his big blue eyes.

"Hi AJ. Where's my stuff at?" AJ was slightly taken aback by the boy's hostile tone. He shrugged it off, knowing that this was weird for Ben as well.

"It's in your bedroom. Do you want me to take you there or do you want to come with me to find your Dad?"

"You mean Kevin. He's not my Dad." Ben waited for a response from either his mother or AJ. He wanted to see what they would say to that.

"Okay. That's fine. Do you want to go to your room or do you want to go find Kevin with me so you can meet him?" AJ said taking it all in stride.

Ben's face fell. That wasn't the response he had been hoping for. He wanted to get more of a rise from AJ. Grudgingly he gave AJ his due. He had handled Ben's first test well.

Ben turned to make sure his mother was okay. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily. He had seen her like this before. He needed to get her to bed as soon as possible. She had too much excitement today and needed some sleep.

"What time is it?" AJ checked his watch. "It's 1:52. Why?"

"Mom needs to take a nap and I wanted to see if I could give her some pain medication yet that's why." He said sarcastically.

"Does she need the pain medication? Is she in that much pain?" AJ's voice was filled with concern. That threw Ben off. What was AJ doing Ben thought. Ben didn't want AJ to take an interest in their lives.

"She'll sleep more comfortably if she can have some pain medication. Is her room ready yet?" AJ nodded, watching this 10-year-old take control of the situation involving his mother.

Ben clapped his hands once, calling Morpheus to him. Morpheus carefully lifted his head off of Beth and got off the couch, trying not to disturb her. Ben took the dog's giant head in his small hands and looked him in the eye. Morpheus obediently laid down in the corner, resting his head on his paws, watching Ben the whole time.

"Mom are you awake?" Beth's eyes fluttered open and she smiled at her son. "Let's get you in bed." Ben took her hand and helped her stand up. He was about to put his arms around her waist to support her when he remembered that AJ was there. He might as well take advantage of the fact that he was there.

"Since you're here AJ, give me a hand."

Ben instructed AJ on how to support Beth as she walked. He grabbed a small black bag that she had put on the table and followed the two of them out of the living room. They slowly climbed the stairs, taking Beth to her bedroom.

"Sit her on the bed." Ben instructed, opening the bag and emptying the contents onto the dresser. He grabbed a syringe and a small bottle. He quickly filled the syringe like a pro, making sure there were no bubbles in it.

"Mom, roll your sleeve up for me." Beth slowly rolled her sleeve up with AJ's help, revealing her thin arm. AJ watched as Ben swabbed the skin with alcohol and shot his mother up with medication. He replaced the cap and put the syringe on the dresser.

AJ knelt down and took Beth's shoes off. He laid her down and put the blanket over her. She was asleep right away.

"Night Mom." Ben kissed her forehead softly and flipped off the light. AJ closed the shades on the windows. The two of them left the room, closing the door behind them.

"You're very good at that." AJ said to Ben a little sadly. It was sad that a 10 year old was so well versed in how to treat the dying.

"Most people get a little anxious when they see me take out a syringe."

"I wasn't going to stop you. You seem to know what you have to do to help her."

Ben smiled at him. "I've gotten used to it. I'm pretty much the only person around to take care of her. And I'm the only person I really trust to take care of her either. We had a nurse the first time Mom was sick. She was terrible. She never gave Mom enough pain medication. She was always hurting because of that. I fired her and took care of Mom myself."

AJ knelt down and looked at the little boy eye-to-eye. "We'll help you now. I promise. Just tell us what we have to do to keep Beth comfortable. You're not alone anymore okay."

Ben nodded, fighting with himself as he looked at AJ. He had wanted to hate Kevin and AJ, but so far he had found very little reason not to like AJ. Ben had a hard time trusting people, especially people who treated him like a child. AJ had treated him like an equal and he liked that.

AJ watched the boy silently. He didn't move from his knees, just watching as the boy seemed to have some sort of internal battle with himself.

Ben gave in. He needed a comforting touch. He hugged AJ tightly, catching him off guard. AJ hugged him back, holding the hug as long as Ben wanted to.

"Do you want to go find Kevin now?" Ben nodded, slipping his hand into AJ's. The hug had broken the fight in Ben, at least towards AJ. He needed him to be there.

"AJ, can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything Ben." Ben was quiet for a moment. "Since you're marrying Kevin, who is my father, that kind of makes you my dad too right?"

"Only if you want me to be. I can just be AJ, your friend, if you want."

"Friends leave. You won't leave me will you Dad?"

AJ squeezed Ben's hand tightly. "Never."

Ben smiled up at him. He really did like AJ. He was so easy to talk to and he was so interesting looking.

"Did those tattoos hurt?"

"A little bit. This one hurt the most though." AJ lifted the bottom of his shirt, showing Ben the 69 tattooed around his bellybutton. Ben was impressed. "Does Kevin have any?"

"He's got the Chinese symbol for music tattooed above his hip." AJ pointed to his pubic bone to show Ben where it was. Ben nodded. "That must have hurt."

"Your Dad was okay. He's kind of a wimp about pain though. He won't ever get another."

"Where would Kevin be at?"

"I'm pretty sure he's in his study. It's his sanctuary." AJ was quiet, mulling over what to say about Kevin's disappearance. "Kevin is really nervous about meeting you. That's why he disappeared. It's not because he doesn't want you here. Both of us have been counting down the days until you got here."

"I know. Mom said that Kevin has a tendency to run away from something he's scared or nervous about. I'm not mad at him."

"This is Kev's study. You want to knock?" Ben nodded, stepping forward and knocking softly. He never let go of AJ's hand.

Kevin's heart jumped. He had been sitting in his study trying to figure out what to say and how to act.

AJ sighed. He reached forward and opened the door, walking inside with Ben following him. Kevin stood up and turned to them. Ben hid slightly behind AJ, holding his hand tightly.

"Kevin come over here and meet your son."

Kevin walked forward and extended his hand to Ben. "Hello Ben. I'm Kevin." Ben didn't move as he stared up at Kevin. He was intimidated by him. AJ nudged him slightly.

Ben tugged AJ's hand and motioned for him to kneel down. Ben cupped his hand over AJ's ear. "He's scary." He whispered to him. AJ squeezed Ben's hand and stood back up. He held Ben's hand and walked him over to Kevin. Ben kept his one hand glued to AJ's as he reached for Kevin's."

"Hello..." He paused looking up at AJ, who just nodded. "Dad." Ben finished quietly. Kevin squeezed his hand. No one said anything. AJ realized how uncomfortable both Kevin and Ben were.

"Hey Ben. Why don't you introduce us to Morpheus? Then we can show you the room we made up for him." Ben nodded, smiling at AJ again. A pang of jealousy rang through Kevin when he saw how the two of them got along. AJ grinned back and grabbed Ben, swinging him onto his back.

"I don't think he likes me AJ." Kevin said watching Ben and Morpheus splash around in the pool. AJ looked over at Ben for a moment.

"He just doesn't know us yet Kevin. We can't expect him to fall in love with us right away. It's only been a week." AJ flipped the chicken he was grilling.

"I don't know why you are saying we. He seems to like you a lot." Kevin said softly, trying not to sound as hurt as he was. AJ heard it anyway.

He put down the tongs and walked over to Kevin. He wrapped his arms around Kevin's waist, resting his head on Kevin's shoulder.

"It's just easier for him to deal with me. I'm not his father. I'm just your boyfriend. He'll warm up to you. Trust me."

"Hey Dad! Look at this!" Ben shouted from the pool. AJ and Kevin turned to look at him, laughing when they saw what he was doing. Ben was sitting on Morpheus' back and Morpheus was swimming him around.

"That's great Ben!" Kevin shouted back, smiling at him. Ben's face fell. He hadn't meant Kevin when he had said Dad. He meant AJ. Kevin saw that and turned away from him.

"Ben honey! Dinner's almost ready. Why don't you and Morpheus get out of the pool and dry off? Take him into his room." AJ said, noticing Kevin's hurt look. Ben nodded and climbed out of the pool, whistling for Morpheus to follow him. The two of them ran dripping wet into the room that Kevin and AJ had set up for Morpheus.

"Just give him time honey. Why don't you go get Beth up for dinner? Ben said that she should eat even if she doesn't want to." Kevin nodded, walking back inside.

AJ took the chicken off the grill and walked it into the kitchen. He put it on the counter and went into the back room to talk to Ben.

Ben was laughing as he tried to dry off Morpheus. AJ grabbed a towel and began to dry the back end as Ben worked on his head and chest.

"Ben can you do me a favor?"

"Okay."

"Can you try and open up a little to your father? He's a little upset that you don't seem to like him as much as you like me."

Ben was quiet. "He's so serious about everything Dad. I just don't feel comfortable with him that's all."

"How did it go yesterday when the two of you went clothes shopping?"

Ben shrugged. "He bought me anything I wanted. That was a little weird. Mom never lets me get that much stuff."

"Okay, but how did you two get along?"

Ben wiped the drool from Morpheus' mouth with the towel, thinking about what he wanted to say.

"Dad is nice. We talked a lot about his family, I mean our family. And I told him about my dance classes and my singing classes. He told me that he would find me teachers down here. We talked a little bit about school in the fall. He wanted to know what I wanted to do. Public or private. Dad said that it might be a little weird for me in public school because of who you guys are."

"What did you want to do?" Ben shrugged. "I told him I would have to think about it. I don't know anyone down here. It's a little tough to meet people."

"I know. Once you get signed up for dance class again you'll meet people. Just tell us what you want to do."

"I will."

"Ben I need you to do something for me."

"What?"

"Can you try to be a little more open with Dad? It sounds like the two of you talked about general stuff. You and I have had long talks about your mother dying and how you feel. Why don't you try talking to Dad too? You did know that his father, your grandfather, died of cancer too?"

"Yeah. Mom told me."

"I'm pretty sure Dad can talk to you about it better then I can."

"But I'm not comfortable talking to him. You're so easy to talk to Dad."

"Just give it a shot okay. For me?"

"I will."

"Thanks Ben. One more question though?"

"Yeah?"

"Does this dog ever get dry?" AJ said as he rubbed Morpheus' back hard. Ben giggled.

"Newf's have an extra layer of fur to keep them dry. He'll dry off eventually. All you have to do is make sure the top layer is dry or else the house will end up wet."

"I just cleaned too." AJ said pouting jokingly. "Mom finally gave up. He makes a mess no matter what. Morpheus doesn't mean it though. He's just big."

"It's cool. A friend of ours, Lance, has a 130lb Rottweiler and a big collie as well. He is constantly telling me how often he has to clean up after them. He's also a little perfectionist though. Kev and I are more relaxed about it."

AJ straightened up. "Okay Morpheus. I think that's good enough. Just don't get on the couches or beds for a while."

Morpheus woofed softly, looking at Ben for confirmation. "I told you Morph, anything Dad AJ or Dad Kevin says goes. So stop asking me." Morpheus whined. AJ scratched him behind the ears.

"Come on you two. Let's go have some dinner." Ben jumped up and headed for the kitchen.

"Ben hold up. Where are your clothes at?" Ben pouted. "Can't I just wear the bathing suit?"

"Come here." Ben walked over slowly. AJ felt the bathing suit to see how wet it was. "Throw a t-shirt on and your good okay."

Ben grinned. "Okay." He ran into the kitchen, leaving AJ alone with Morpheus.

AJ turned to Morpheus with a smile on his face. "Do you want chicken or do you just want dog food tonight?" Morpheus tilted his head and looked at AJ with a innocent look.

"Come on Morph. Chicken?" Morpheus woofed softly. "Dog food?" Morpheus didn't make a sound. "I guess it's chicken then. Let's go."

Morpheus walked sedately out of his room behind AJ.

"What do you want to drink Dad?" Ben asked Kevin. "Milk. Thanks Ben." Kevin smiled. "No problem Dad. What do you want Mom?" Beth looked over at him, barely registering that he was talking to her.

"How about a cup of tea? Do you want some tea Mom?" Ben asked her again, trying to convince her with his voice. Beth nodded.

AJ and Morpheus came into the kitchen. Ben was pouring Kevin's milk for him, balancing on a chair so he could reach the cabinet where the glasses were. "Careful Ben." AJ warned him.

"I'm cool Dad. What do you want to drink? I'm getting milk for Dad and tea for Mom." Ben asked him as he wiped up a little milk he spilled.

"I'm just going to have water. I'll get it though."

"No! You sit down. I'll get it." Ben said, stretching to reach a glass for AJ.

"I'm going to get Morpheus some dinner then I'll sit down. It is okay that he has some chicken right?"

Ben frowned. "I don't really like to give him people food. As long as it's only a small bit in his own food I guess it's okay."

Ben got AJ some water. He sat on the counter, waiting for the water to boil for Beth's tea.

"Dad said that Uncle Brian was having a barbeque tomorrow. Are we going?" Ben asked quietly. He was a little scared to meet everyone else.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"Really? I don't want to leave Mom alone."

AJ turned to look at Ben. "As much as you didn't want it, your father and I hired a nurse to take care of your mother."

Ben looked at him angrily. "You promised that we would take care of her."

"Ben the three of us can't be around her all the time. We need someone here for those times when we can't be here."

"Why didn't you ask me?" Ben glared at AJ. "We thought you would understand."

"Well I don't! You haven't been around these past few years. You had no right to make that decision for us. Go to hell Dad!" Ben grabbed the glass of water he had just poured for AJ and threw it against the wall, shattering it into a million pieces.

He began to cry, hopping off the counter and running out of the room. AJ chased after him.

"Benjamin Jacob Williams Richardson! Get back here this minute!" AJ shouted loudly as he ran through the dining room. Kevin got up, surprised that AJ had used Ben's full name. Beth started to get up, but Kevin stopped her.

"We'll take care of it. You just sit." Beth nodded, wishing she had the energy to help her son. Kevin and AJ needed to learn though.

Kevin caught up to AJ outside of Ben's bedroom. AJ was pounding on the door and shouting at Ben to let him in.

"AJ, calm down. What happened?" Kevin walked AJ away from the door.

"I told him that we hired a nurse to take care of Beth when we couldn't and he threw a fit. He threw a glass against the wall and told me to go to hell."

AJ was fuming mad and Kevin knew that he shouldn't talk to Ben right now. When AJ was really mad he had a tendency to say things he didn't mean. Kevin was afraid that AJ's reluctance to take Ben in would be thrown in Ben's face while they were arguing.

"Why don't you go downstairs and eat? I'll take care of Ben okay."

"But Kevin..." AJ looked into Kevin's eyes and saw the determination there. "Fine, but make sure he knows that he can't get away with acting like that."

"Okay sweetie." Kevin kissed AJ's forehead and watched as he walked away.

"Ben can I come in?" Kevin knocked softly on the door.

"Go away! I don't want to talk to you." Ben shouted back at him. "Do you really want me to go away?"

"Yes! Go away!"

Kevin knew from his past experiences with Nick as a child that Ben meant it. Kevin also knew that if he went away it would only get worse. He turned the knob and let himself into Ben's room.

Ben was lying face down on the bed. When Kevin opened the door, he turned over and looked at him. "You can't just walk into my room. This is my room."

"And this is my house. Would you care to continue this argument?" Ben pouted and sat back up on the bed. Kevin sat next to him. Ben got up and sat in the chair instead.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

"You guys hired a nurse even though I said that I didn't want one."

Kevin nodded. "Okay. One question for you though. Before you decided to toss the glass against the wall, did you ask your mother if she wanted the nurse?"

"No. Mom knows I'm here to take care of her."

"Ben your mother asked us to hire a nurse. She doesn't like the fact that she's been relying so heavily on you to take care of her. All three of us want you to have a normal life. Taking care of your mother all the time isn't going to let you do that."

"Normal life? What about you? Do you think having you as father is going to give me a normal life?"

Kevin sighed. "No Ben. You won't have a normal life with me and AJ as your parents. We're going to do the best we can though."

"I want you to leave me alone Kevin."

Kevin tried not to show how much it hurt to have Ben call him Kevin again. Ben knew he had hurt him. Part of him felt guilty, but the rest of him still felt betrayed.

Kevin stood up.

"That's fine. Dinner will be in the refrigerator when you want to eat. We are going to Brian's around 11 tomorrow. I expect you to be awake, dressed, and ready to go."

"AJ said I didn't have to go if I didn't want to."

"AJ was wrong. You have to go." Kevin looked down at his son who glared back at him with utter contempt.

"I want to go home. I want to go back to Louisville."

"You are home Ben. Get used to it."

Kevin left the room, shutting the door behind him. Pangs of guilt ran through Kevin's body as he thought about their conversation. Maybe using the techniques he had used to keep Nick in line weren't going to work on Ben.

Ben buried his face in his pillow and sobbed. He hated it here. Hated it! Sitting back up, he wiped his eyes.

"Stop crying Ben. Only babies cry." He said out loud. "Go talk to your mother. She'll help you with all this."

Ben picked up his stuffed bear and hugged it to his chest. He continued to cry, eventually sticking his thumb in his mouth to comfort himself.

Ben laid back down, curling himself into a ball around his bear. He continued to suck his thumb as he cried himself to sleep.

---hey email me and tell me what you think...cause I really want to know...honest...you are all very important to me each and every one of you...

---also if you guys really do like my stories, I would love you to nominate me(if you're an author) for the boy band awards....and if I do get nominated all of you can vote for me...if you want to that is...I'm pretty proud of my stories and it would be cool to get some recognition for them...I've won one award, but it's a non-nifty award, so you guys didn't vote for it...I would love to know what everyone thinks since not everyone who reads emails me....thanks