Copyright 2001. Disclaimer:
a) The following story is a work of fiction, and the rights of this series belong to its author.
b) If you are breaking one or more of your local laws by reading this, don't read any further! And,
c) The story continues. . .
Chapter 2-No Man's an Island
I woke up when Gram came home and knocked at my door. "Eric, are you in there? I thought we could have macaroni and cheese tonight, do you want me to make a salad for you?"
I rolled onto my back, not wanting to have to make any decisions at the moment. "Whatever, Gram-sounds ok to me." The tiredness of my voice must have made her pause, for she spoke up again.
"You ok, sweetheart? Hard day at school today?"
Huh, if only she knew. "Yeah, Grandma, something like that. Don't worry, I'll be out in a minute, I was taking a nap."
"Ok, and bring your laundry with you, I want to wash a full load and there's still room in the machine." I managed a brief smile at this, it was so, well, Grandma. If I let her, she would iron my underwear and socks.
"Roger that."
I sat up, my head still hurting a little from earlier, and took stock. I felt weak, but other than that, I was doing ok. My heart, however, was another story; I wasn't going to let it betray me again any time soon, I was sure of that. I stood up and walked over to my reef tank-the result of years of begging, and more than a few birthdays and Christmases rolled up into one present. It had been a couple of years since I started it, and I never grew tired of watching the fish make their way in and out of the coral and anemones. I tipped a little food into the tank and watched as the fish took it in quick, darting motions, letting nothing make its way to the bottom. Pisces looked up at me expectantly, his eyes focused on heaven as he began to laboriously climb the reef. I waited until he was near the surface then dropped in a few freeze-dried shrimp, letting the current swirl them into the trap formed by his outstretched claws. Even so, several were swept away to be quickly devoured by the ever-attentive fish.
My reflection in the tank caught me as I pulled back; I could see the trail of hair from my navel flaring slightly as it approached my pubes, out of which sprang the source of so many of my troubles. It hung low and to the left, pointing down as if in shame at its incessant demands for attention. Slender when erect, but not excessively so; it was my balls that were on the smallish side, and as hairless today as the day I was born. Funny how they come in so many different sizes and shapes, I mused as I turned from side to side to catch all of my reflection. I was more or less ok with what I had, and it seemed to work fine, only I wanted to hear that from someone else for a change. I had lost definition in my upper body since graduating from high school, but from the waist down I was still in pretty good shape. If not for my bike, though. . .I needed to start working out again, and it showed.
I put on a pair of boxers and gathered up my laundry for Gram, resolving to put some of my frustrations into exercise and get on with my life. My free time could quickly turn into self-pity sessions if I wasn't careful, and I couldn't think of a more productive way to get back on track than to take care of myself. The physical part would be easy, I decided, and I'd just let the emotional part heal as best it could. I still cared deeply for Zach, but it felt different than before-I trusted him, but I also needed to talk to Jase. It just wasn't going to be the same unless he knew, and I wanted to come clean.
I pursed my lips and stood up with an armload of dirty clothing, making my way unsteadily to the door, and looking behind me for errant socks. If only I could put my life in the washing machine and have it wash all my problems away.
The next week was pretty rough, as I more or less waited for the right moment to talk to Jase. He hustled around the shop, and seemed a little more brisk than usual, although it was hard to be sure. I suppose I was being overly sensitive, thinking that he already knew and was upset with me. More than Zach, I looked up to Jase as an older brother, and wanted to be like him. He had always made me feel wanted, affectionately calling me "scrawny dude" or "little-man," and playing with me as I figured a sibling would. Funny how I wasn't attracted to him, though; he was every bit as handsome as Zach, and totally in shape, something which usually made me take interest. The older-brother image might have had something to do with it, although that hadn't mattered any with Zach.
Zach was quieter than usual, too, but still treated me normally. I longed for another hug, wanting to be surrounded by a strong pair of arms and a guy's scent, but didn't dare ask. At least my cock was behaving itself for a change, and not responding to being around Zach-amazing what a little fear can do to your sex drive.
On Friday, Jase caught me before leaving. "Got a minute? Let's hit the roof and talk for a sec."
"Um, ok." I fought the urge to run. As we climbed the steps, my heart started to pound and my hands shook. I didn't know what to expect, but I kept following him. He stopped to grab a couple of sodas, then we climbed the last few steps to the roof. The sunlight was a physical presence, its heat oppressive when combined with the humidity experienced in the middle of the afternoon. The arbor Jase had built for Zach was a welcome relief, and we took refuge under it sitting at opposite ends of the swing. I drank my soda nervously and waited for the axe to fall. Jase looked at me while I sipped, then said simply, "I know."
"God, Jase, I wanted to tell you every day this week, but-" the words fell tumbling out of my mouth as I struggled to say the right thing.
He interrupted. "I understand, I mean, Zach is pretty much the perfect guy, and I love him too." He broke off eye contact and looked down at the drink in his hand, wiping off the water that was forming on it against the leg of his jeans. Then he looked up again.
"Zach and I want you to know it's ok. I'm not mad at you, Zach's not mad at you, and you're always welcome here. No questions asked." He stopped and leaned back against the swing while he sipped from the can.
"I had a hell of a time before I came out and so did Zach-his mom still blames me for `making' him gay." He snorted. "It's lucky we found each other, but what we have isn't exclusive-the right guy is waiting for everyone."
I felt so ashamed at myself for frightening them with my fire escape stunt and for not using my head in the whole thing. I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees as the swing moved back and forth slightly.
"Jase, I'm so, so sorry."
He leaned down as well, looking at me sideways. "Actually, I'm a little jealous dude. I thought we were closest. How come you didn't have a crush on me?"
I looked at him in shock, my jaw slack; he laughed at the expression on my face and punched my arm lightly.
"No, seriously. I was wondering if you'd like to come over tomorrow night, and just hang out with Zach and me? We could watch a movie, or talk-just us guys."
"Sure!"
"Also, I was wondering if you'd care to work out with me sometime?" He felt the nearest arm. "Could use some mass there." He stood and eyed me critically. "Not bad, but I think we can improve on that. Besides, it'd be nice to have a workout partner that doesn't complain the whole time." He nodded in the direction of downstairs. "Zach gives me a workout trying to get him to workout."
This was so funny; I could see Zach protesting with each sit-up, each mile jogged to the point where Jase had mostly given up. Not that Zach was particularly out of shape, he was just one of those people who looked fit without trying. Come to think of it, I don't think I'd ever seen him sweat.
"Yeah, that'd be great-I was just thinking about today, as a matter of fact."
"Alright then, let's do it."
He took my arm as I stood up, then spun me quickly around and tossed me over one shoulder. I got a sharp smack on the backside with his free hand as I fought to get free, and all I could see was the rooftop and a pair of legs.
"Husband thief, eh? Your ass is mine." He gave it another smack and swung me to face the edge of the roof. "Or, I could just drop you over."
"Aaugh, just PUT ME DOWN." My head was getting tight as the blood went to it. He bent over and set me down, then dusted his hands.
"Little-man."
"Lunk."
"That's Mister Lunk to you." I stuck my tongue out as he helped me up, and together we walked downstairs to give Zach the news.