Letter 12 04
Dear Charlie,
I've been intending to write for a long time. Every since you posted Amsterdam, this letter's been stirring in me.
You don't know me, Charlie. But I'm guessing that if I met you, we'd have instant rapport. I'm 34 this fall. I'm just under six feet in height, dark red hair, and fair skin, shaven, at 155 slim and fit. I know im good looking but certainly not stunning. I've been a faculty member at this small college in Ohio for seven years. Physics. My research area is in particles. That's beside the point, really. What I really want to tell you has to do with my year as an exchange professor at a German University.
But some background first. Like you, Charlie, I'd played with other boys when I was seven. Things got interesting in junior high through my first two years in high school. Somehow it seemed harder to find 'normal' guys during my last two years in high school and college. I dated girls, convincing myself that the earlier experiences had been a benign experimental phase. I met Julia in college, married, finished my PhD, finally got this appointment and tenure. You're right, Charlie. The latent excitement of the earlier encounters started to come to back with increasing attractiveness and color. I think it all might have laid dormant-or suppressed--- without the net. I began spending more time on the net in free pic sites. I went into some gay chat rooms and had a few hot porn dvds delivered to my office.
In the spring of 2002, the dean approached me about the exchange at Kiel. It was to start in the fall and continue through June. With my background in German, it seemed to good to be true. I soon learned that Julia's job would keep her Ohio. I offered to stay home, but she urged me to go. She knew how important the challenge was for me to network with European researchers and lecture in German. To make up for being apart, we scheduled in Christmas and a two week spring break to meet in London. Then we planed all be together to travel Europe for two months at school's end.
The job arrangements were almost automatic and fairly formal: I would move into a faculty office at Christian-Albrechts University in Kiel and Professor Hasselmann would take my office. We traded textbooks and syllabi and kept in a contact to make sure our students would stay challenged. We'd both continue to be paid by our respective schools.
Another faculty member, Horst, happily took on personal details of my stay.
He and I kept up a steady stream of emails about the details of getting settled. Horst found me housing, scheduled phone and net connections at the apartment. He assured me that with bus and train connections, I could survive well without a car-and, if I really needed one, I could borrow his.
And, if the apartment wasn't quite ready, I was welcome to bed down in the small, thatched-roof "Kate"-(KAA teh) the quaint country house that he owned a few miles from the city.
You gotta know, Charlie, that deep down, I could barely hide my glee at going alone. Just that idea of being alone made me feel sexy for some reason. It was like reliving my pubescent desire all over again, of having the thrill of touch and taste back in all their immediacy. I kept thinking of the first time adolescent experiments, almost fixating on them, on that uninhibited adventure. I found myself wanting boys, of all things, to start over after thirteen years of thinking Julia was all I really needed for my sexual fullness.
During my summer break, I'd reviewed and connected the textbooks to my lecture notes. My wife took me to O'Hare, and within hours I was on the train from Frankfurt to Kiel. Horst met me at the station. He had the furnished apartment ready, including bread on the counter and wine and cheese in the small refrigerator. I was still disoriented from jet lag when he drove me to the country for a light dinner. I was expecting a wife and family, and was taken a little aback to meet Daniel, his companion. Horst was about my age-35-and Daniel maybe 30. They were stunning together, both fit; Horst darker in complexion and Daniel more Nordic in his blondish red hair and fair skin. They were a great couple, and I watched their interaction intently. I couldn't believe the luck. The person I was most connected to was gay. Horst drove be back to my apartment later, and seemed anxious to get home. I convinced myself that he hurried to get back to Daniel. With jetlag keeping me wide-eyed most of that night, my hand slipped down in a slow, satisfying release as I thought of myself in a hot ménage with them. not once but twice as I secretly relished my new freedom..
Horst had a faculty office next to mine, and checked in daily to see how I was getting along. After a month he got serious, in a playful sort of way. "Erick," he said, "I know you're wearing the wedding ring. But it's obvious to me and others that that if you're not gay, you're solidly bi. I think we can get over his puritanical charade of yours, can't we now? You'll find things here much different, much less repressive, than your culture. You need to relax and be open to experience things that are going to come your way."
H e'd noticed? I raised my eyebrows and took a deep breath. "That's obvious? Have I made it obvious? I haven't said a word.' I paused. "Well, I was thinking about a day trip to Hamburg, to one of the sex bazaars on the Reeperhbahn in St. Pauli. But I haven't even checked train schedules for that..." My voice trailed off.
"Reeperbahn? Listen--you're to naïve for that scene!" Horst grimaced. Then he looked at me intently, in a way that made it clear that he knew more about me than I was going to admit. He waited for an answer, and I knew that I answer him.. I took a deep breath. "Horst, I'm going to try to find words. Bear with me, ok? I spent the first six years of my sexual life with boys my age, maybe a little younger and some a little older. Then came my wife. That's been great of course. As much as I try, I can't shake those first experiences. In these last few year, the memories of those times have been getting more potent. I've tried porn. I've done pics, story sites on the net, chat rooms. All that has just whetted my appetite for more. So here I am, more less confused and but definitely open and definitely excited. In fact, when I heard that Julie couldn't come on this exchange but was going to stay in Ohio for her job and our daughters, a surge of pure sensuality jolted through me. Horst, I want things to happen."
Horst interrupted, "You thought this year would be a year of freedom? A time to relive what you did as a boy and student?" He laughed. "It's not easy. I'll tell you, Erick, I know what you're going through. You've been denying your feelings so well that you don't know how to take the first step, even now that you can. You're not confident that you can so you might not. And, you don't know first thing about etiquette and ritual of flirting and meeting.
Charlie, he knew exactly what I was thinking. "Daniel and I are going to mentor you. We've decided to restore your self-confidence. Your thirty-five, healthy, fit, good looking, intelligent.....we can't find a single flaw in you---except that you're insecure and don't know what to do first. We think that's relatively easy dilemma to solve." He laughed, and I mustered a smile.
He went on. "You know Alexandr, don't you? 'Sasha' in your advanced class lectures on particle research? The Russian?
"Of course," he has a quick mind and unfathomable curiosity. He often stays after lectures with questions. He is so attentive to every word I say."
Horst inhaled and laughed softly. "You aren't getting it. That's almost humorous. Sascha--- the Russian student you call 'Alexander,' knows what's going on with you. Don't think that it's not obvious to him. He says that you two make incredible eye contact during your lectures. But you are always aloof when he comes to your office for questions or stays after the lecture for clarifications. Listen, these young Russian men are no schoolboys. Sascha is twenty-five, and is frustrated that you aren't picking upon the most obvious signals he can give you. He wants to play with you."
I was taken aback, Charlie. I thought Sascha was straight Tall, blond, articulate, intense, and without a hint of interest in me. I had his signals totally wrong.
My colleague had a plan for me and Sascha sketched it out. "Listen, I'm having a small dinner party tomorrow right. Nothing big. Just Daniel, me and, if you can come, I'll invite Sascha. About six? Be sure to shower first-and no deodorant! Daniel will pick you up. Tomorrow's Friday. Plan on staying overnight. In the morning, we'll take a trip to the outdoor museum at Molfsee, and hopefully have dinner among the roses at Eutin."
I could hardly keep from touching myself in anticipation. At six o'clock, the four of us gathered around the table. The conversation was not about sex but was still incredibly sensual. I felt almost lightheaded by being around four hot men The food was light---just breads, cheeses and late summer vegetables. Daniel had chosen two bottles of a smooth Spatlese. When he stood up to go for a third, Horst put his hand on his and shook his head. "No more dulling wine, Daniel. I think we're all feeling warm and mellow and very much connected with one another. Let's not lose the spirit."
I felt especially drawn to Sascha. He sat across from the table, keeping me directly his eyes. At first I turned my gaze away from him but remembered Horst's encouragement to welcome his interest, to let loose of my reservations and take what he gave me. Sascha worked on me, each smile, each hand gesture was meant to allure, to conquer any vestige of reluctance.
I noticed that Horst and Daniel were watching his masterful performance.
They knew exactly what was happening and could hardly hide their interest in it.
Horst suggested that Sascha and I go for a walk while he and Daniel cleaned up from the meal. Sascha stood up immediately and headed for the door, glancing behind himself to see if I was coming. I stood up and followed. We walked out into the country darkness. Sascha reached for my hand. As our fingers entwined, I felt his passion tingle up my spine. I felt myself hardening. He came close and pulled me to his face. While we sat at the table with Horst and Daniel, we'd both bottled our raging feelings for one another, but the kiss let it burst. He pulled out my shirt and began massaging my back, pressing his energy into me through his own rising cock and his own passionate embrace. "I want you so much," he whispered under thick accents. More than anything else, I also wanted to touch every inch of him.
When we got back, the main room of the cottage was darkened. Two candles burned a table. Horst and Daniel had stripped, had put on silk robes, and arranged four soft chairs in a circle, two facing two. "Your robes are laid on on the bed upstairs," Horst said quietly as me motioned us a small stairway. "We'd like you to change and then come down and join us."
Sascha smiled at me. My fingers tingled in anticipation of whatever Horst was planning.
Sascha and I went upstairs, to the low-ceilinged, dimly lit loft of the Kate. He stripped in front of me, subtly teasing, pulling off his knit shirt and cotton undershirt. He revealed a smooth, rippled chest. His tan pants crumbled on the floor, and he stepped out of them, clad only in a pair of tight blue briefs. Even in the subdued light, I could see his hard cock pressed by the cloth against his abs. Then he took a step toward me and with no hesitation began unbuttoning my shirt. We kissed again as his hands opened the shirt front. Then he ran the tips of his fingers down my arm, shoulder to wrist and back again, arousing goose bumps. "Unbutton your cuffs," he whispered, his lips touching mine as he spoke. I did, let my arms fall back and he slipped the shirt slipped off. He tugged at my undershirt until it came out then lifted it over my head. We kissed again. This time I felt the warm smoothness of his chest against mine. He ran his tongue from my chin in a straight line to my waist, nibbled at the tight skin above the belt line, playfully stopping at the boundary. His mouth wandered around my chest until he found my right nipple. He sucked it and moved to the left one. He looked up and our eyes met. He didn't have to say a word. He knew my cock was aching for his touch. He knelt, wrapped his around my body so that he face could press into my groin. He pulled back and both hands and in one deft move, sent my pants to the floor.
He inched closer briefs so that I could feel warmth of his breath on my hard cock. I watched him in total absorption as he pulled my briefs down to my ankles. He guided the briefs all the way and kept eye contact with me. I could view that erotic combination of my cock and his gorgeous face.
"We need to go downstairs to Horst and Daniel," I murmured, fighting with myself. I wanted to stay in that room. I wanted to fall on the bed and merge our bodies and minds. I only stopped him because I knew that Horst had something planned that was even better than this.
Sascha came to me again with robes in his hands. We both put them on, pulling the silken cloth around ourselves to partially cover our arousal. He giggled, "It's hard to hide this, isn't it?" I nodded and giggled at the hardness that the silken robe could hardly hide.
Horst had arranged four soft chairs in a circle with a small-glass topped table in the middle.. He motioned for me to sit and for Sascha to sit directly across from me. He and Daniel took the chairs between us. He opened a little leather bag and took out four glass straws, each one laid on the glass and pointing to one of us. He brought out a small alcohol burner and lit it from one of the candles. It flickered to life, and he set it in the middle of the table.
"Daniel has picked up some great hashish. This might be a new experience for you, Erick. Just trust me that it will give the next segment of our little meeting a memorable wrinkle. He took a small knife and pulled a a dark paste from a little vial and spread it on a piece of flattened tinfoil, then turned the foil into a short cylinder. "Kneel down, hold one nostril shut and inhale with the other when it starts to smoke. Take it in deep and hold it for as long as you can. Don't take more than two deep breaths of it for right now."
Our robes fell open as we knelt at the table. Horst carefully nursed the hashish till it started to vaporize We pulled in the smoke as it wafted from the foil. Once we had inhaled the first hit, Horst pulled the bubbling hash from the flame while the fumes collected on our lungs. The effect was immediate on me, at least, a sensuous floating sensation. He brought it to the flame again, we pulled the smoke in a second time. I laid back, my body felt tingly, sounds a little distorted. Horst then took two hits. Daniel couldn't resist connecting with Horst as he inched into his high. Daniel leaned over and they kissed deeply while he held his breath.
After his second hit, he was breathless and ready to put his plan into action. "Daniel and I want to explore Sascha a little, Erick. Just watch us. You can see that we are very much in love, all three of us. We want you to feel that same intensity for all of us---the intensity you know that we feel for you." Sasha opened his robe, slipped down in the soft chair and let his legs spread wide. His cock was hard, his uncut skin bunched beneath the head, and the silhouette of his cock flickering in the candlelight. The two first knelt over him as he sat, taking turns thrusting their tongues in his mouth, kissing his ears and his smooth neck.
In tandem, they each moved to a nipple. Sascha began to run his fingers through their hair , tossling it, and pushing his chest up into their mouths. They must have been there for five erotic minutes. Daniel lingered on his nipples, letting his tongue trace broad circles around each nipple, circles that became smaller and smaller until he reached the center and bit each nipple slightly. Sascha encouraged him by slight moans and by short whispers in Russian. Horst got up, looked at me and smiled. "Do you like?" he asked.
I managed to say, "Uh huh" with my teeth biting my lower lip.
"Join me here, Erick and I'll teach you things you never did with your amateur little boys in the states."
I got up and knelt next to Horst, I could feel the slight motion Sascha's leg trying to touch me, connect with me, and promise me that I was foremost in his mind. I responded by pressing my cock against Sascha's long, muscular legs. His leg pressed again in almost imperceptible message. I knew that whatever he was feeling from Daniel and Horst, Sascha wanted me. I knelt, and Horst kissed me, both his hands groping so that he could pinch my nipples firmly as we our wet lips and hot breath melded.
"Pull skin tight at the bottom." He directed my hand to the base of the cock, and I pulled it tight till the head stood out. "Take the skin now and move very slowly up the head, just like you like to have it done. Fight your need to do it quickly. If you have to, count slowly to ten as you bring it up. Count slowly to five as you twist the skin around the head, then do ten again as you slip your hand to the base. Do it thirty times while I watch you. Don't kiss him or make any oral contact----yet!" Horst and Daniel both stood at Sascha's sides, at first rubbing their cocks on his chest and slowly maneuvering to his face. He opened his mouth. He took Horst first, lip-fucking the edges of Horst's cock head, then turning and taking Daniel's.
I did as he told me. The precum oozed out with each stroke. Horst and Daniel reached down and flicked it off, eating it off their fingers or rubbing on their or Sascha's nipples. Horst joined me at Sascha's crotch. As I held the skin tight, he put his tongue on the base and moved up, flicking back and forth and then devouring the cock when he reached the top.
He sucked hard and fast and then pulled off. "Your turn---and we all want to watch your first taste. I did what Horst had done, moving up and then adoring it. Horst pulled my head back and forth. He touched my cock while I did, aware of the exact impact he wanted to make on me, a warm, loving hand.
"Anybody need to boost?" Horst motioned toward the still flickering alcohol lamp. Sascha and Daniel both nodded, and taking their cue, so did I. We all knelt to take two hits each. "Horst gently put me back in my chair, pulling my robe open and pulling my legs wide, like Sascha's." Daniel knelt between my legs. He lifted them up and began to taste my ass. I felt the warm touch of his tongue on my scrotum. His wet finger pried me open. He was incessant--icking, touching, sucking and twisting his finger to generate sensuous waves. To keep me hard, he'd take the same hand and lightly stroking my cock. I was soaring and saw Horst Sascha's legs wrapped Horst's head buried deep and flicking from side to side to get his tongue caressing deep. Sasch's eyes met mine for a moment until he closed them to feel the incredible bliss that was getting him higher and higher. Daniel was making me want him, every touch, every moan was pulling me, pushing me toward Sasch's desire for me.
Horst pulled back. Daniel stopped and moved aside so that Horst could talk to me. "Sascha's ready for you, Erick. I've made him want you. In the coming days, you'll ache to do what I've, without reluctance; you'll seek Sasch'a very soul with your tongue before you become one. Come, Erick, come and meet your new lover, come to your Sascha."
I stood up. The atmosphere in the room fairly bristled with a desire that swirled around me, in me, through me. I felt that something terribly missing was about to be restored to me, a part of myself. I felt young again, complete, whole-and they all knew it. They knew that this soft ritual, this descent into pure sensuality would change me. Daniel knelt in front of me, the palm of his hand moistened with some silky lubrication. "This will make it so effortless, so complete," he said as he led me by the hand to Sascha. Horst held legs of this sensuous, gorgeous Russian up. I moved closer, instinctively, as Daniel guided my cock to the tunnel. I slipped in, his warm bareness engulfing my cock. The he locked his legs around me. Daniel stood squarely behind me at first, pushing me gently, pushing me deeper. I leaned over to embrace Sascha as he moaned, welcoming me, embracing me. Horst spoke softly, hoarsely in his own intense arousal.
He became my instinct-telling me to move faster or slower, to pull and push deep. Sascha and I moved together, loves, soulmates, reading each other minds, pacing ourselves as we stepped up higher and higher. We kissed. He reached out and caressed my nipples. I buried my face in his musky armpits. Daniel grabbed Sascha's cock and began to stroke in rhythm with my increasingly violent thursts. None of us was in control; we were all driven by the pure, primitive lust of the moment, feeding off one another's passion and desire.
I was close. Sascha was just as close. Daniel and Horst stood on both sides. Slowly stroking their cocks. They began to moan, loudly. I found a voice in myself, a male voice, a gay voice that I'd so long repressed. My voice grew louder as they urged me on, urged themselves on, urged Sascha on.
"Cum with us, Erick, cum!" I reached higher and higher, the thought that I truly belonged to them gave way to indescribable pleasure-pleasure that they were sharing equally. . "Im cumming," was the last thing I heard before I shot hard and deep into Sascha's tight tunnel. My cock convulsed and spewed forever in Sasha's ass I closed my eyes, still high, still floating, and opened them just long enough to see Daniel and Horst release their love onto Sascha's already cum-speckled chest.
I pulled out, slowly, reluctantly. Sascha smiled, still breathing hard from his orgasm. As I bent over to kiss Sascha for love, I could feel Horst and Daniel embrace in a kiss above me.
The silence lasted for two minutes. Breathing grew shallower. Pounding hearts began to beat normally. I felt my cock, warm and mellow, become flaccid. My body was alive to savor the smells and the lingering passion.
Horst broke the silence. "We have almost a whole year ahead of us, Erick, and this is the first day! When you're ready, go and shower. You know where your beds are. There are no rules here, of course. Daniel and I will see both of you in the morning.