"Actually," Mr. Casey's hand fell onto the small of my back, and I froze, "I do need to use this," I couldn't move, and as much as I willed my lips to respond, it just wouldn't happen. His hand just felt so warm, even through the shirt and thick hoodie that I now wore in the heat of the summer.
"I have to find an article," I nodded, the only thing I could do. Finally, my fingers broke the trance and I moved the mouse, exited the program I was in, and stepped aside. His hand stayed on my back until I took the step, placing me out of reach.
I wouldn't allow myself to think it. Mr. Casey was married with children. And plus, he was my teacher. He couldn't be...no, that's impossible. There was no way. I kept repeating this to myself the entire second half of class, as he went on about environmental economics, holding my gaze for just a tad too long every time he scanned the class.
I popped a grape in my mouth, scanning the lines of the manuscript a friend had sent to me by email. It was ok.
"Anyone sitting here?" I shook my head, not looking up, and also, not really listening. In the story, this man's boss was hitting on him.
"Is it that good?" The voice asked. Annoyed, I looked up to see who was interrupting me on my way to an erection. Sitting in the chair across from me was the person I'd been trying to avoid outside of class all week, Mr. Casey. I nodded.
"What is it?" He asked.
"A friend's..." I trailed off, my eyes flitting over his glasses, then his newly buzzed hair. He looked at me questioningly,
"Oh kay," he nodded, before surveying my tray. I had two saucers on it and one bowl. One salad, a couple pickles and pasta, and some grapes.
"That's...meager," he laughed. I looked down at the tray,
"Cross country diet," I shrugged. I was used to it now; I'd been eating it for four years during the summer.
"Oh, so you run cross country?" I nodded eating another grape, "Do you play any other sports?" I nodded,
"Yeah, I wrestle, and play soccer," he looked at me for a few seconds his mouth partially agape,
"You wrestle?" He repeated. I nodded, eating some more grapes. A lot of people were astonished when I said this, it wasn't anything new. Seeing that he was one of my teachers made it more bearable, most of my teachers didn't think of wrestlers as the intellectual type, which I was.
"What weight class?" My eyebrow rose as I answered, "145, but this year coming up 140," His eyes fell on my bicep, which I quickly hid by dropping my forearm from off the table.
"Do you hike?" He asked.
"Once or twice... but they weren't real hikes," I put the manuscript in my bag, and set the bag on my lap, hiding my arms and chest.
"Oh, well you should come hiking with us tomorrow," it was Friday, and we didn't have class on Saturday. I was about to decline, when he plunged on, "It'll be fun, there's even a river that you can swim in,"
"I don't swim," I said.
"You don't swim?" He asked, leaning back, "What do you mean you don't swim, everyone swims,"
"Not me," I began stacking my tray ready to leave.
"What, that's impossible I've never met someone who doesn't like to get in the water when it's hot outside,"
"Well you just met someone," I said having nothing to do now.
"I don't believe you!" He replied.
"Well believe it," I stood and picked up my tray.
"Well, you still should come; you don't have to get in the river,"
"That's OK," I said, "I'll probably be sleep still" and with that I walked out.
"Hey," it was a whisper, oddly close to my ear. "Hey, wake up," the next thing I became aware of was the hand on my side. There was a small shake,
"Wake up, let's go" I lazily opened my eyes expecting my roommate to be shaking me awake but no, I was confronted with glasses, blue eyes, and a buzzed head. Mr. Casey was in my dorm room, waking me up. I pulled the covers from down around my waist where they had been to cover my bare chest,
"What? What are you doing?" I mumbled, making myself sound sleepier than I really was.
"Come on, you got five minutes to get ready," He was whispering because of my roommate on the bottom bunk. I pulled the blanket over my head and snuggled back into the covers, pulling my pillow close.
"Do you want me to drag you out of the bed?" I pushed the covers back,
"You go on without me," I said only revealing my head.
"No can do, everyone else bailed," After taking a second, I pushed the covers back, and climbed out of the bunk,
"I have to shower," I whispered, he scoffed,
"If you shower, you'll get right back dirty from the hike, just put on some gym shorts and come on," I went into my drawer after a seconds hesitation, and brought out some running shorts. When I turned back around he was still standing there waiting for me.
"Umm," I said, "I have to change," An emotion went across his face but before I could register it, he turned and went out the door. I closed it behind him, jumped out of my pj pants, and into the gym shorts. I had on briefs beneath, so I add an extra long t-shirt on top, my running shoes, and I grabbed my card and key. When I came out into the hall he was standing right there,
"Oh, I thought, I was going to have to come and get you again," he said. I grunted, and followed him out to his car.
"So do you have a girlfriend?" He asked. Two immediate answers went across my head, well three actually but I'm not even bold enough to mention the third one. I chose the latter of the two though,
"I'm not allowed," which I wasn't. I climbed up onto the rock, and we continued on the trail.
"So, that doesn't mean anything, you're probably not allowed to drink either," he said.
"I'm not, so I don't." He glanced back at me,
"Oh, the golden boy," he said. I laughed,
"I'm far from golden," I replied.
"Let's see," he broke a piece of a branch off of a tree, "You're smart, athletic, self-motivated, disciplined, and you listen to your parents. Sounds pretty golden to me,"
"Unless you haven't noticed, I'll never turn golden," He laughed at this.
"You got a point there," we continued walking for a while in silence before he started up again, "But so you really don't have a girlfriend?"
"Nope," I replied, mildly irritated at this line of questioning. If I had a girl friend I definitely wouldn't be walking with him this early in the morning.
"Is there a girl you're interested in here?" He asked. I gritted my teeth,
"Nope," He pushed back some branches and stepped off the path.
"Aww, come on, there has to be someone," I followed him through the branches and found that we were now midways up the mountain, in a clearing. "You can tell me, who's the lucky girl?"
"Mr. Casey, I don't like girls," I said, flat out, hoping that would squash the conversation. I was hot and sweaty, my legs were scratched up and my knee was killing me. I really didn't want to sound cruel or harsh, but this was like adding fuel to the fire.
"Oh?" He asked, not turning around. "So what do you like?"
"Mr.. Casey, come on you're an educated man, if I don't like girls what else is there to like," It was angering me even more that he was going to make me spell it out.
"Ok, so who's the lucky guy?" That stopped me dead in my tracks. I had expected for the conversation to end right there, or for us to turn around and walk back, or even for a lecture. What I hadn't expected though, was for him to ask.
"There..No...I..." I was dumbstruck, so I did the best thing I could. "Where's the river?" I asked changing the subject.
Twenty minutes later, we were exiting the bushes again, this time at a cove. There was a beautiful waterfall, and when I dipped my naked toe into the water I found that it was freezing cold.
"That's ice!" I said, turning back around.. Mr. Casey, sans t-shirt was now removing his shoes,
"It'll only be cold for the first few seconds. His shoe came off, and he waded into the water, the muscles in his back tensing as the cold water lapped around him.
"Come on," he said. I shook my head. He ducked under the water, submerging himself completely before coming back up.
I went over to a rock and sat down, putting my feet in the water, he swam to where I was.
"What's your problem with the water?" He asked.
"No problem, I just don't want to get in," I replied.
"Well in that case," he grabbed my foot and began pulling me in,
"No, I CAN'T SWIM!" I yelled, he stopped.
"So, that's what it was," I stood, and started to walk away from the water.
"I'm ready to go back to campus," I said, putting my shoes back onto my wet feet, and picking up my socks.. I heard him moving in the water, but didn't turn around to see what he was doing. When I stopped hearing movement, I guessed he'd gotten out and was putting on his shirt. I looked up at the trees.
"We can't leave yet," I felt the familiar heaviness of a hand on the small of my back. I turned around, and the hand was now joined by another,
"I'll apologize, I didn't know it would scare you," our faces were dangerously close to each other. "I thought you were just being a poor sport," the man is married, this man is married. He's my teacher, and he's married! But those eyes,
"I wouldn't have done it if I knew you'd get scared," those blue eyes, pools of blue!!! Finally, he leaned in, and kissed me.