DISCLAIMER & AUTHOR'S NOTE: The following story is a complete work of fiction. any resemblance to actual people, places or bussinesses is purely coincidental and should be viewed as such. This story is written and published for entertainment purposes only. copyrights exclusively owned by me.
This story is the culmination of 15 years of trying, refining and starting again. Certain parts of this story might seem familiar to avid readers of the site. I did resurect certain themes and characters from previous stories published on this site years ago. No stealing or copying going on...if anything seems familiar to an older story on this site, it's because i wrote that one too!
Hope you enjoy this story! Kevin Thylacine
En Algun Lugar. Chapter 1/3 - 2/1:
He had been walking for hours. The sun had come up not too long ago but was already burning with unmerciful heat. The air above the sand all around him looked as if it was boiling. As he looked out towards the horizon all he saw was reddish brown sand and a few dried out bushes of grass. His mouth was as dry as the sand and his blistered lips craved water. He was badly sun burnt already but kept on going straight ahead. His blurred vision couldn't differentiate the sky from the sand anymore...He just kept walking, only knowing he was walking farther away from where he was coming from. Suddenly he noticed a black figure in the distance. Someone was standing in his path...
Paul awoke in a flash. It took him a few seconds to realize he was in his own bed in his own bedroom. He had dreamt this before. The recurring nightmare was something he underwent at least once a week. For years it had been the same exact dream over and over again. But this time the dream had changed. This puzzled him. Now fully awake he checked the alarm clocked next to his bed. It was already well past morning and much later than he would usually get up. Since he had some important appointments but only later in the day, having overslept didn't bother him much. He quickly threw on some clothes before leaving the bedroom and walking into the living room of his apartment. Through the large windows he had a beautiful view overlooking the city. It appeared to be another beautiful morning. He quickly fired up the coffee maker before turning on the radio. While the traffic updates sounded through the speakers in the background he improvised some breakfast. As usual it consisted of nothing more than a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. He quickly flipped through the newspaper reading mostly headlines. From time to time his phone would sound as messages came in. None of them were very important, mostly confirmations of meetings and arrival times. Today would involve promotion work for the most part. He was scheduled to do several interviews promoting another movie to come out soon. He liked the hectic lifestyle that came with his job. The variation was something he appreciated a lot. His life took on an interesting dynamic when it was divided into projects rather than weeks, semesters or fiscal years. There was a satisfaction in finishing an endeavor, producing a standalone result... maybe like how an athlete would feel after finishing a race. Another glance at the clock told him he had little time to spare. Continuing his morning routine he took a fast shower, changed into something more decent, scanned his cell for any urgent messages before gathering his things and heading out. It seemed like he was always on the run but that's how he liked it.
Chapter 2:
Paul entered his apartment. It had been an agonizing, boring day and he was glad it was over. He had been through about a dozen interviews for various magazines and newspapers promoting his latest movie. He understood promotion was a key part of his occupation but he sincerely disliked interviews. After a certain point they became mind numbingly repetitive. Every time the same set of questions would repeat itself: "how did you prepare for...?" "How was it to work with...?" "Did you do this?" "Did you think that?" If annoying were a boot reporters would fit it. He was mentally and physically exhausted after the ordeal so he looked forward to spending a quiet evening at home, probably watching a movie or listening to some music... He still hadn't read that book on Italian Giallos he had ordered online a few weeks ago. Maybe tonight would be a good night to finally get started on that one. Just as he was about to drop in the couch and stay there his phone rang. "Dammit!" he sighed as he walked over to the phone. The call turned out to be from his manager.
"Hey, what's up?" Paul asked. "Sorry to bother you Paul but I have some great news for you. I just got off the phone with the production assistant at Neon highway pictures...You auditioned there last week if you remember..." "Off course I remember" Paul laughed. As if he could forget. "Right..." his manager continued "They were very happy to offer you the part." "That's great!" Paul responded enthusiastically "I had a feeling I would get that one!" This was indeed very exciting news. Since he had auditioned for Peter he had hoped for the news he had just received. He could tell this was a journey he wanted to embark on. There was something about the idea and the people involved that made him feel the outcome of the project would be something worth wile and significant. A smile of contentment brightened up his face.
"Well let me be the first to congratulate you. You did a phenomenal job catching this one. Neon Highway is a much respected company so working with them will be a great push for your career." "I have a real good feeling about this movie" Paul agreed, "I think this might turn out to be a big one." "I'll sit down with their representatives later this week to sort out all the numbers, dots and comma's...anything particular I should take to the meeting?" "No demands from me" Paul answered, "I trust you to work out a fair deal, that's enough."
It still amazed him how easy Paul was to work with. He had been Paul's manager for four years now and in that time he had never known the young man to ever show a hint of ego. It was such a rare thing in this line of work to have someone say "I trust you". He had navigated through these shark infested waters many times. He had met every prima donna, narcissistic egomaniac and lying backstabber at least twice. Talents like Paul were rare. He remembered how apprehensive the boy was when he first approached him years ago. The young man was kind, trusting and positive but by no means a fool. It had taken him some time to convince Paul he was genuinely interested in helping him advance his career. Over time they had gotten along extremely well and their relation had turned from merely professional to somewhat of a friendship. He had picked up on Paul's extraordinary talent very early on and he saw it as a worthy achievement to have accommodated the boys' steady rise in the field.
"So you're sure you want to do this film?" he continued their conversation. "Off course I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be?" "Well..." He hesitated a bit, "playing a gay character is something some actors still struggle with." "Well, I'm not one of them. I have no reservations about this movie or the role I'm playing in it. This picture is about a whole lot more than just two guys who happen to be gay." "Ok then..." His manager continued "just wanted to make sure." "I know" Paul responded. "One other thing, they made some revisions to the script. I already mailed you a paper version. I know how you don't like reading a screen. Should be arriving by courier somewhere tomorrow morning. "Thank you!" Paul smiled. He loved how his manager would remember details like that. It showed he was more than just a job' him. "I'll let you know how things work out and as soon as I have an idea about the logistics involved I'll make the necessary arrangements" Paul sensed his manager was about to end the conversation so quickly interrupted. "One more quick question... You wouldn't happen to know who they cast for the second lead?" "They cast Joshua Acres for that role." "His manager answered "Quite an interesting pick don't you think? You two guys finally on screen together. You know a lot of people have been waiting for that. " "I know... very curious myself to see how we will work together. And by the way it's josh'. Nobody calls him Joshua anymore." "I'll remember that in case I ever run into him." His manager laughed.
With that their conversation winded down and a few minutes later Paul hung up the phone. He was ecstatically happy with the news he had just received. Since the audition he had impatiently awaited the outcome and this was just what he had hoped for. Not only the fact that he had obtained a role but also the opportunity to collaborate with Josh got him excited. Ever since he had become aware of the young actors work he had been mesmerized. The boy's talent obviously impressed Paul but it were his stunningly good looks that had really captured his attention. When the two had met about a week ago Paul's impression of Josh had only been reinforced. He looked as good in real life as he did on screen, maybe even better. Josh's easy outgoing personality had only added to his attractiveness. Calling it a crush would be pushing it, but Paul was a daydreamer and a guy this cute fueled some wishful thinking.
Paul had known for quite some time he was gay but had kept it hidden from just about anyone. At first the fear his sexuality might damage his career had made him keep it a secret but over time he had come to realize this was part of his life, of himself, he really didn't have a handle on. It was a mixture of fear and uncertainty about where this path might take him that made him doubt actually walking it. Aside from his parents no one had any idea he wasn't into girls. Because of his fright to out himself to anyone his romantic life over the past couple of years had been nonexistent. Since his career had accelerated the way it had he didn't have much time to experience this as a great loss. He had accepted he was different but didn't have any idea how to proceed from there. His life hadn't given him much opportunity for self discovery in this area of his personality either.
Inspired by the phone call earlier Paul had no difficulty deciding what movie to watch. He pulled one of Josh's early films out of the packed DVD rack against the wall, put it in the player and fell back into the sofa.
Paul was awoken the next morning by the sound of the door bell ringing. Being pulled out of a deep sleep so suddenly it took him some time to realize there was someone at the door requesting permission to enter. He quickly put on some blue jeans and a shirt and went to the door. "Yes?" he spoke through the intercom. "I have a delivery for this address" A voice answered. "Come on up" He said as he unlocked the door. Two minutes later he was holding a dark brown envelop. It was the script the manager promised to send him. He immediately took a seat and started to read it. While reading it he became more and more enthusiastic about the project. The story was so well written and so cleverly plotted his confidence in the project grew with every page he turned. He recognized a lot of storylines in his own life. The fear of someone finding out, hurtful comments or jokes by unaware friends,...
However, as he continued through the story a nagging voice began to whisper in the back of his mind. This feel of unease surprised him since there seemed absolutely no rhyme or reason for this apprehension. It was an emotion completely alien to his earlier enthusiasm and confidence. He continued to go through the pages, trying to decipher where this grain of doubt came from. As the story neared its emotional climax it began to dawn on him. He had read several versions of the script already and the love scenes and nude scenes mentioned therein had not bothered him before. But now, for some reason they did.
He was no stranger to the controversial work nor was he in any way shy about his body. He had used it as a tool for drama many times before. His role in Equus' had required full nudity on the theater stage. The underground work in New York had pushed the envelope to the limits of legality. "Crazy times" he thought, as the memory brought a faint smile to his face. There was a significant difference between those past experiences and the scenes outlined on the pages in his hands. In earlier days the unveiling of his body signified brutality, aggression, the razors edge of insanity. This time it was supposed to convey tenderness, love and beauty. These were not the grainy black and white images of the past meant to shock an audience. There was an implied eroticism to these scenes. Paul didn't think of himself as an erotic person in the least. Suddenly being shocking seemed a lot more comfortable than being sexy'. Then there was Josh who would be his counterpart in said scenes. Again, not the balding toothless heroin addicts cutting up stuffed animals in a dimly lit cellar like before. "Crazy times indeed" This was someone who he thought was somewhat attractive. A familiar sense of hopelessness fell on him, like the uncomfortably warm rays of a summer sun. Again he was being confronted by that aspect of himself he seemed to have no authority over and he hated it.
It had been done before by others, obviously, finding someone to love and staying with them. He had accepted the fact that this wasn't in the cards for him so why did this occasional feeling of loss and want bother him? Getting butterflies over a colleague was the last thing he needed or wanted. He put the script back on the table as he tried to get his thoughts together. The chance of working with Josh was something he had hoped for quite some time, but what he just read was a bit more than he bargained for. He stood up and walked to the terrace of his apartment. Paul was not a smoker, but from time to time...when the stress really got to him he smoked one to calm himself down. This was one of those moments. As he stood there, overlooking the city while breathing in the smoke, he tried to think what he was going to do now. He really didn't know. He felt like there were two completely different persons inside him fighting for supremacy and control. The rational side of him, content with achieving happiness through creativity and an almost primal spirit of passion demanding the right to be attracted to other people, demanding the right to pursue those desires. "Oh my god, it's so lonely..." Paul stopped. He knew if he let this train of thoughts go on it would derail sooner or later. As he finished his cigarette he forced himself to abandon his doubts and frustrations and focus on the task at hand. He had a script to memorize. But as he walked back inside his apartment the sarcastic little voice inside had one last thing to say "keep on pretending, it's all right"
Now that we got most of the set-up and character introduction out of the way stay tuned for the next update where we get this story on the road. hope you liked what you've read so far. As always: love to hear what you think...good, bad or otherwise I really do appreciate hearing from you so don't hesitate to give me your feedback.
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