Usual disclaimer...All rights reserved. Copyright owned by the author. If you are underage and or offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.
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After two more days of recuperation, I was dismissed from the hospital and returned to Fred's and Ann's. Jake was being kept for further observation and any kind of psychological adjustment he might need for our latest trauma.
For the first time since my series of bad events began...I guess since that night James Dean was killed...I wanted to die. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that my crash was not my fault, it was useless. I did blame myself, somehow. True, the jitney cab had forced me off the road into a telephone pole, but was there anything I could have done to keep from hitting with such impact? Oh, if I only had mom and dad or either of them with me now...But they were both gone...forever. My house was gone...forever...and now this...Jake... Jake's eyesight was gone forever. How many more fatal blows were destined to strike me and those I loved?
Blind? It still hadn't sunk in. Jake would never see me again? Jake would never see a movie or a sunrise or a flower or a tree...NOTHING...ever again. Oh my God, what he must be going through! I know I love him and he loves me...but what will become of our love now? Will we masquerade our emotions with blame and guilt? Will sympathy replace passion? It's such a horrible mess. He needs me, but will I feel the same towards him. Every time I look at him and knowing he'll never look at me again. If I could just die...or run away. I had one and a half million dollars waiting on me next month...and what good was it. It wouldn't bring my parents back and it sure as hell couldn't restore Jake's sight. I could hop on a freighter and go to some unknown island in the Pacific, away from phones and mailmen, and never have to see anyone or have anyone stare at me ever again...just like Jake. Oh God! What am I gonna do? I'd better talk to Ann and Fred and see how they felt about me, now...and then maybe I could decide what to do about Jake.
"Fred?"
"Yes, Chuck."
"Can I talk to you for a minute."
"Sure, son."
"Uh, how long do you think Jake is going to have to stay in the hospital?"
"About another week."
"And then what?"
"I don't know. I've been talking with Ann about it."
"Graduation is only about a month away."
"I know."
"Surely he can graduate with us."
"If he wants to...He's pretty depressed, right now."
"Fred, does he blame me?"
"No, Chuck."
"Fred...do you and Ann blame me?"
"Good heavens, Chuck, get that out of your mind. Of course, we don't blame you. It wasn't your fault. It's lucky you weren't both killed."
"I wish I had been."
"Now stop that! We don't need any more sorrow. We have to adjust...Jake, you, Ann, and me...and we're all going to need each other...now...more than ever."
"Fred I wish it had been me...why couldn't I be the one it happened to? I was driving...It I could...I would gladly give up my sight so that Jake could see again."
"I know...and so would I...But we can't...That's Jake's cross to bear...and we've got to be there for him."
"I'll be there for him...forever."
"Forever is a pretty long time...We'll just take one day at a time."
"Fred? Are you sure there's not some doctor...some hospital...somewhere can give him back his sight?"
"No, Chuck...we have had three specialists to examine him and they all three concurred that the damage was permanent."
The word permanent suddenly had a new meaning...permanent was permanent.
"Do you want me to continue living here?"
"Unless you have some other plans."
"I've been thinking...I wonder how much it would take to rebuild my old home?"
"With the price of contractors and builders these days, I would say somewhere in the neighborhood of fifty to seventy-five thousand dollars."
"The property is still there, buried beneath the cinders...and it's paid for...I've been thinking about rebuilding it with the same number of rooms,,,but just one floor...more spread out...no stairs."
"You're hinting that you want Jake to come live with you."
"Maybe...if he would consider it."
"Chuck, you can't tie yourself down to playing nursemaid to ease your conscience."
"Yeah, but I have all this money, I'll never have to work a day in my life...and I've got enough for Jake, too...I mean, look, two weeks ago I had parents. Now I don't. God forbid...but what if something like that were to happen to you and Ann...who would be there to take care of Jake?"
"That's something to consider...but we won't have to decide that right now...as I said...we'll have to have our period of adjustment first."
"I also wanted to ask you, as my lawyer and executor if you would find some way to invest some of my money, so that I would have a guaranteed steady income and never have to worry about the money running out...not that it would."
"That's very wise and mature thinking...You've had to grow up quite a bit during the past two weeks, haven't you. You've had too much grief."
"Do you think maybe in July, if all goes well, and Jake's agreeable, I might be able to take him on a vacation somewhere?"
"That might be good...for both of you...but Chuck, I don't want you making any long range plans that you won't be able to fulfill. You'll be eighteen next week...and you still have your own life ahead of you. You may want to go off to college...you may even want to get married some day and raise children...how would Jake fit into that picture. You're still going steady with Jackie...and having Jake around all the time wouldn't be fair to her...or to you."
"Fred...don't take this the wrong way..but Jake is the most important person in my life...more than Jackie...more than anyone. He's been like my brother for almost twelve years...and I love him...and if it takes the rest of my life...I'm going to see that he is happy and wants for nothing."
"Yes, I know you two boys are attached. And I'm very grateful that he has you and you have him...but that kind of brotherly love is no substitute for the love between a man and a woman...I don't know how...but some day, he may want to get married...I don't know how Marsha feels about him, now."
"Has she been to see him."
"No...we thought it best that she not see him just yet. He's depressed enough, without adding to his disappointments."
"Well, I've told you about my immediate wishes and plans. Could you do me a favor and call Richard King and have him draw up plans for a new house...the sooner they start the better."
"If that's what you want."
"Yessir, that's what I want."
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Ten days later, Jake came home from the hospital. I had visited with him every day, but never alone. There was always someone else in his room. I had to get him alone and see how he felt...about me...about us. Fred and Ann had no objection to my continuing to live in his room with him. Not even that we were going to share the same bed. They both thought it would be best for both of us. He had been upstairs in his room for about an hour when I quietly crept into his room."
"Hey, buddy, how are you?"
"Fine, Chuck."
"Are you in any pain?"
"Nothing physical."
"Do you mind if I hold you?"
"I wish you would."
I lay on the bed beside him. The only moment of satisfaction was that he couldn't see the tears coming down my face. I pulled his body toward me and caressed him...tenderly at first...and then I held him tighter. I kissed him. He let out a long exhale.
"I am so sorry, Jake."
"I know...and I am too."
"I didn't think anything else could go wrong."
"It wasn't your fault."
"You can say that all you want, but somehow I feel it was my fault."
"It could've been worse...You could've been killed...or blinded."
"I know."
"Then you see, it COULD'VE been worse."
"I want you to know...I'm here for the rest of my life or as long as you need me...I'll do anything you want...go any where...get you anything you need."
"Right now, I need to know how you feel about me?"
"Jake, I love you more than anything in the world...You're my life, my love, my everything."
"And it's not just because you feel sorry for me...or blame yourself."
"I told you BEFORE the accident that I loved you...so why would I change my feelings now?"
"Because you're harnessed with a cripple now."
"You're not a cripple...you can walk can't you?"
"Yes, but I can't see where I'm going."
"Then I'll have to see for you. My eyes will be your eyes. We will see everything together."
"You know, I won't ever be able to see you naked, again."
"You can feel can't you?"
"Yeah, I can still do that."
"Then why don't you feel between my legs and see how much you still excite me...nothing has changed in that department."
He nervously brought his hand down to feel my bulging crotch.
"Why Chuck, I do believe your sporting an erection...Is that for me?"
"Nobody else."
"Do you think it would be okay if I unzipped your jeans..."
"Your jeans...I'm still wearing YOUR clothes..."
"SShh...if I unzipped MY jeans and pulled your dick out of my pants."
"If that's what you want."
"That's all I've been thinking about, lying in darkness in a hospital room for the past two weeks."
"Well, if you know what you're doing..." I joked.."but I'd better lock the door, first...I've already been told by your dad that two men can't love each other as a man and wife."
"We're gonna have to show him how wrong he is...Go lock the door... Hell, I don't care...throw the door wide open...let 'em see."
"Better not, we don't have another place to live...just yet."
"Whaddya mean?"
"That's a surprise...I'll tell you about it afterwards..."
"Afterwards what?"
"Afterwards...this." I placed my lips firmly on his and let my tongue find his as I began removing his clothes. It's funny we had never had sex in the daylight, and I was seeing his body with a new approach. I wanted to please him and wanted him to know just how much I loved him. I kissed him all over his face without calling attention to his eyes. Then I went on a safari...exploring every square inch of his body...smothering each with wet kisses...his neck and shoulders...down one arm and back up the other, licking his arm pit. The arm pit, to me, was the true odor of Jake...that's what my Jake smelled like. I would memorize that scent and think of it every time we were apart. He giggled like a kid being tickled under the arms. I slid over his pecs and down his stomach toward his pubes. I licked both sides of his cock...his balls...beneath them...that's when I remembered Steve, my orderly. I was about to go down on him when he stopped me..
"Hey, I wanted to play between you legs first...you'll have to wait."
"Sorry."
We exchanged positions and he felt his way down to my crotch. He began to work on my organ. Nothing had handicapped his mouth. He was taking me like a hungry animal...with force and lust. I suddenly felt wanted and needed. God, how I loved him. We had wasted so many nights growing up...never knowing the wonders of physical love,,,but Jake was making up for lost time.
"Hey, buddy, you better slow down...you want me to cum this soon?"
"The first time...The day is long and all I can see is the night..."
"OK, then, here it comes."
He gobbled every drop of my first eruption of the day.
"Now it's my turn...YOUR first cum of the day."
Once again, we changed positions and in a matter of two minutes...I was drinking Jake Juice. I returned to the pillow to share what semen I had collected in my mouth.
"How was that?" I asked...
"I don't know...but I'll pay more attention during the second cumming."
"You clown". I kissed him again. I felt as if we were two seventh graders experiencing holding hands for the first time...giddy and nervous,
"Chuck...can I ask you something."
"You can ask me anything."
"While I was lying there in the hospital, I imagined all sorts of things."
"What sorta things?"
"Things,,,you know,,,things we could do together.."
"I repeat, what sorta things."
"You remember our first night together?"
"Yeah?"
"...when you put your finger up my ass?"
"Yeah?"
"I was wondering how it would feel if you were to put your dick up my ass...That would be the same as fucking, wouldn't it?"
"I don't know...maybe we should ask your dad."
"I'm trying to be serious...do you think two guys can fuck?"
"I suppose..."
"Well, I wanna try it...I want you to fuck me."
"Are you sure?"
"You know that night at the drive in and I sat in the back seat with Marsha, watching you putting your arm around Jackie...and I imagined you making love to her...and you sticking your cock in her...and I got jealous...and in the hospital I got to thinking how I wanted your cock to be inside me first...I would be your first, wouldn't I?"
"Don't flatter yourself...I've fucked most of the guys on the football squad."
"Are you serious?"
"No just a half a dozen of 'em."
"Chuck, don't kid me that way...have you fucked anyone...ever?"
"You know I haven't, you idiot."
"Then I WOULD be your first...?"
"Yes, you would be my first..."
"Then fuck me...I'm sure...I wanna feel you inside me...I wanna be yours...and I want you to be mine...just like man and wife."
"Well, I'm a little inexperienced...you'll have to help me."
"Jerk me off first and use my semen to make your cock go inside me easier."
"I think that's why my dad and mom always kept a jar of Vaseline in the drawer of the night stand."
"Well, I don't have any Vaseline...I think if we use my semen, it will be sexier and mean more."
"OK...if this is what you've been dreaming about...your wish is my command."
He was so excited with anticipation, I swear, I only stroked him 20 times before he shot a load in my hand. I took my fingers and spread the white lubricant at the entrance of his ass and all over my glans.
"I don't know how we're gonna work this...but lie on your back and let me raise your legs in the air, so I can get to your butt, better...Better yet, here, prop this pillow under your hips and the elevation will help."
"All right."
"Now take my dick and guide it toward your rectum...That's it...now...let me ease forward while you push...and try to meet me...if it hurts...let me know...a little more now...is it all right...am I hurting you?"
"Just a little...but you know what?...So far it feels good,..stick it in a little farther...let me get use to that...OK...give me a little more...Yeah...that's it...Oh, Chuck, you gotta try this...OK...I'm gonna hold my breath and you put all of it in...."
I did as I was told...and suddenly all of me was inside him. He was warm, wet, and wonderful inside.
"Is it all the way in?"
"Can't you feel my balls touching your cheeks?"
"Yeah...that's exciting."
"Yeah it is..."
"Now start hunching me...whatever...fuck me or something."
I began a slow pushing motion...in and out...in and out...
"Oh God, Chuck...do it harder...and faster...this is the best feeling I've ever felt."
"It feels pretty good on this end, too."
Our bodies kept meeting in the same pulsating rhythm as I lowered my head to kiss him. I didn't want Jake to think I was just "fucking" him...I wanted him to know I was making love to him. Our mouths were locked together. My cock was going in and out of his love chute. We were both moaning and groaning...so loud that neither of us heard the door open...the door I had failed to lock.
"Hey, Jake, guess who's here to see you." Jake's dad announced as he flung back the door. I was still inserted inside him. I raised my mouth from his to see Fred standing there with Jackie and Marsha. I don't know who was the most surprised...and by what or whom...For the first time ever, I envied Jake's blindness...Thank God he could see their expressions or mine...
No one could say a word...that is no one that could "see" could say a word..
"Dad?"
silence.
"Dad. is that you...who's there with you?"
"Jackie...and...Marsha."
"Well come on in...Chuck is giving me a massage."
Oh if the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. If Tinkerbell could only fly in the window and sprinkle pixie dust and make everything disappear...If I had only drunk Claude Rains formula to become the Invisible Man. Had anyone ever actually died from embarrassment, before? If not, that would be ANOTHER first for me.
"You boys, get dressed...we'll talk later."
The three of them left, horrified,..but no more than I was, Jackie had never even seen me half naked...nor had Marsha ever seen Jake,,,but now they had seen both of us...naked and in action. The only humor was thinking that we had proved Fred wrong about two men and he was pissed about it.
"Did dad look mad?"
"I don't know...it's the first time I ever watched anyone having a stroke."
"Were Marsha and Jackie really there?"
"Oh yeah."
"Did they see us?"
"Only while they weren't covering their eyes."
"Do you think they know what we were doing?"
"Oh, I doubt it...after you explained I was giving you a massage...from the inside."
"Yeah...we'll have to think up a better story."
"I don't think that will help."
"They saw everything there was to see...leaving nothing to the imagination."
"Well whaddya want to do...get dressed or finish fucking?"
"You ARE incorrigible...I couldn't get a hard on now, if James Dean were here...as a matter of fact...I may NEVER get another erection! I think I'd better call the YMCA and see if I can get a room tonight. I think I'm gonna be needing another place to stay."
"My dad won't throw you out...even if he does...I'll go with you."
"Oh boy, two orphans in the storm."
"Judd, listen to me...do you love me...I mean REALLY love me?"
"Yeah..."
"I mean like a man and woman kind of love?"
"Yeah..."
"Then that's all that matters...My dad can accept us or kick us BOTH out...one way or the other...we're stickin' together...like always."
"OK...if that's the way you want it..."
"It is...now lock that damn door and finish fucking me...I'm not through being your "first" yet.
I locked the door..(this time)...and I led him back to bed to resume our initiation.
When we were through and each of us satisfied and totally committed to our newly expressed affection for each other, I took Jake into the bathroom and proceeded to bathe and shave him. I was so pleased that he didn't put up a fuss about my helping him. The whole thing just seemed natural. I didn't feel like it was a duty or obligation to rid guilt, it was just an extension of my love for him. He accepted my help with gratitude, not resentment. It was almost supper time and time to "face the music". I led Jake downstairs where we met Fred.
"Boys, I want to talk to you in the living room, out of the presence of Ann. I haven't told her about what I saw this afternoon...that is something I will have to deal with later."
"Fred, before you begin, I would like to say..."
He cut me off.
"Chuck, before you say anything. I have a few things I would like to say. First of all, I don't know what was going on this afternoon...or how long it's been going on...but it's not the kind of thing a person doesn't expect to see his son and his son's best friend engaged in...whether this was a "one time" thing in the rites of passage, perhaps I could understand it easier. I was a boy once, and I know that all boys experiment alone and sometimes with each other. This is not accepted by society but I'm intelligent enough to know that it's a common practice...just one that's held secretly or in a more discreet way. I am doubly or triply sorry that Jackie and Marsha had to experience a sight I'm sure, neither of them, will ever forget. For that, I take partial responsibility. I should have knocked on your door before entering...but even still, without knocking, I didn't expect to see anything like the display you both were presenting...Having said all that, let my ask you what was going on...and what's the best way to deal with this problem...if it is a problem...Is it?"
"No sir, it's not a problem for us...it might be more of a problem to you."
"Meaning...?"
"Fred...I don't know how to explain all this. So much has happened in the past two weeks...as you well know...what with the fire, my parents, the house, the wreck, Jake's eyes, and now this. Having felt alone with no one or nothing in my life, I turned to Jake to comfort me and be there for me. We have always been close as brothers...but the emptiness in my life, some how, brought us even closer together. We couldn't foresee the wreck or the permanent damage it would cause...but it sorta put Jake on the same plane with me...He had lost his sight...and he turned to me to fill his void...and I am trying to fill it...and will continue to...but through both our loneliness, we found out that our feelings went beyond brotherhood...I discovered, not only did I love Jake, but I think I'm in love with him...and he feels the same way toward me...It's like that man-woman, husband-wife, thing you talked about...only it's he and I...boy-boy, man-man."
"Is this true, Jake?"
"Yes sir, everything Chuck has said is totally true and exactly how I feel."
"To me, this is preposterous. You boys are too young and inexperienced to know how you feel and what you are saying."
"No, Fred...we DO know...I know that if Jake were a woman, I would marry him today."
"But he's not a woman."
"How well I know and how glad I am, that he's not. He is all man...he is my man."
"Chuck, stop that...you're talking foolish."
"Maybe I am being foolish, but I'm a fool in love...and if you want me to move out, I will."
"Just be aware, dad, if Chuck moves out, I move with him,,,eyes or no eyes."
"But you boys, can't stay here and carry on, the way I saw you, today...I mean, what would Ann say...what happens if Marsha or Jackie tells her parents?"
"I don't think we'd ever have to worry about Marsha or Jackie saying a word about this...to anyone."
"Perhaps...but then there's your mother...Ann."
"If mother can love me one one physical handicap...then she can love me for the feelings over which I have no control."
"Fred, I told you last week that I loved Jake and wanted to spend the rest of my life taking care of him. You just didn't know how much I loved him...but you do now."
"But this...this...sex business...what about that? You both know it's not right...it's not normal...and it goes against God's teachings."
"Fred, with everything that God has let happened to us in the past few days, I think God owes me a favor."
"But, my son...a queer.."
"No, you said it first...he's your son...not a queer. The way we feel about it, there's nothing wrong with loving...if you find the one person you're suppose to love."
"And you both think you have found that one person?"
"Yes."
"Yes, Dad."
"I suppose I could turn my head for a while and look in the opposite direction...until I, either, accepted this...or you both changed your minds about your relationship. We will have to be very discreet. No one must know about this...I mean NO one...and in public...I want you to behave in a normal fashion."
"We are normal, sir."
"I presume you will want to keep sharing a room together?"
"Why not...I can't imagine being separated...especially now...and when the house is finished..."
"What house?"
"The house you're not suppose to know anything about."
"What house?"
"Jake,,,Chuck has decided to resurrect his house on the cinders of his old one."
"For real?"
"Yeah, except it's going to be all on one level...no stairs to worry about."
"I had a feeling that's why you wanted it built that way, when you first mentioned it to me."
"Yessir...I'm gonna build "our" house...Jake's and mine."
"And you're both going to live happily ever after?"
"That's the plan...if Jake is agreeable...whaddya say, buddy?"
"I can't believe all this...but you know I'm agreeable...if I'm not going to be a burden on you."
"Besides being a thorn in my side and a pain in my butt..oh sorry, Fred...I'll just have to put up with you."
"Boys, we still haven't decided what to say to Ann...How are we going to explain any or all of this to her?"
"You don't have to." said Ann, as she entered the living room. "I heard every word in the dining room...and you're correct, I don't understand any or all of it...but if it's what you two want and need, I'm not going to be the one to rain on your parade...I just want you both to know, that I love you both, very, very much...and we all need each other...the four of us...and Fred and I will be here any time you want us. You have chosen a difficult road to take...and it's not going to be pleasant...but together...I think we can weather any storm."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Thanks, Ann."
"Now let's go eat before I have to reheat everything and serve it as leftovers."
"Chuck, if the time comes and you and Jake do move out into your new home, won't you need some help with him until he becomes independent."
"I've thought about that too, Fred. I could hire someone to come live with us... As a matter of fact I think I know someone...someone I met in the hospital...his name is Steve."
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I can't decide whether to end the story here or go to another chapter. The jury is out...so watch for another posting....R.C,