El Paso Chapter 5
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El Paso 5
"Easier than waitin' around to die"
Sometimes I don't know where
This dirty road is taking me
Sometimes I can't even see the reason why
But I guess I'll keep a gamblin'
Lots of booze and lots of ramblin'
Lots easier than just waitin' around to die*
For a month or actually closer to six weeks after mother died, I had zero fucks to give about anything. Felino came around to check on me every couple of days. Usually. I was drunk, high or both. A few days ago, I got a write-up at work; they've tried to be patient with me considering what happened, but their patience was wearing thin. Felino tried to get me to see somebody, he'd offered his ear as well, but I just wasn't ready to relive all of it this fast. I spent my days off in a bottle with little Appa in my lap. Appa seemed to be my only tie to the happier aspects of life right now. There were days I didn't eat at all, but I made sure that my little buddy was taken care of.
I showed the written warning letter to Felino; he said I HAD to come to terms with this and let it go. I wasn't hearing him. I was too busy wallowing in my own self-pity. He said he wouldn't be back; he wasn't going to watch me kill myself. I said "Fine, I never asked you to." I haven't seen anybody outside of work and Appa in a week now. I had just got home from work and poured myself a drink when the phone rang. Who the hell is calling me? Nobody gives a shit about me. I've even run off my best friend.
"Hello?" I spoke.
"Come pick me up, I'm at the airport" my brother's voice said across the line.
"How?...why?..." I stammered.
"Don't worry about that, Otto, just come on. I'm tired and want to relax" he said.
"Okay...sure...I'll be there in a few minutes" I said confused.
What the hell is going on? Hank shouldn't be on leave again this quick. He just took emergency leave because of mom. Besides, he would never take leave to come here. Maybe he got in trouble like I did. Could he have gotten kicked out of the marines? Appa was not happy that I was leaving him again after just getting home. It apparently couldn't be helped though.
A lot of traffic out tonight. It's taking too long to get there; he's going to be pissed at me. Fuck him, he didn't tell anybody he was coming, so he can wait. When I get to the airport, I don't see him anywhere. I dial his cellphone and tell him I'm here. Here comes airport security to tell me I can't sit here any longer. Wait, there he comes. He talks to the security guard and then throws his duffel in the back of the truck and hops in.
"Better take off, sweet pea, that security guard was about ready to call for back-up" he said. "Damn, you know you do kind of look like a terrorist."
I just drove away. I couldn't care less about his smartass mouth. It didn't make any difference to me. I drove on in silence. After a few minutes Hank started talking.
"Fine" he said, "how about you?"
"What?" What the hell was he talking about.
"Well, this is where a normal person would be asking `how are you' and such. Since you apparently don't have manners anymore, I figured I'd have the conversation without you."
"Why are you here?" I said, not in the mood for brotherly bullshit.
"Couple of reasons actually, little bro" he said, "first, I'm finishing my military time up here at the recruiting office, and second, I got a call from a very upset young man who is worried his boyfriend is going off the edge of a cliff."
"Felino" I said. "He had no right to call you, that's like going over my head."
"No, buddy, its more like throwing out one final lifeline to you" he said, "Fey's got it bad for you. He even used the `L' word. He said he can't have his heart broken like this so he asked me to try and help him to save you from yourself."
"I don't need your help. God knows I've never gotten help from you before" I spat at him.
"You always had mom. Favored child. All that shit. Now, she's gone. Who do you have to turn to?" he asked.
I didn't answer, fuming that Felino would call somebody; that he thought I was out of control.
"You could have Felino, but you told him to fuck off. Here's the thing about me, little brother, I made a promise to a woman on her death bed that I'd take care of you and I'll be goddamned if I don't."
The rest of the ride to my apartment was in silence. My foul mood had infected him. Good, I thought, maybe he'll go to sleep and leave me the hell alone. No such luck. I got out of the truck, slammed the door and started walking fast toward the apartment; leaving him behind to get his stuff out of the back. He grabbed his bag and ran to catch up with me. I unlocked the door and went to the kitchen to pour myself a double shot of Balcones. I took one big drink before he took the glass out of my hand and poured it down the sink. I just gave him a blank stare, shrugged and pulled another glass from the cabinet and poured another drink. He picked it up before I could and poured it out. Then he turned the bottle upside down in the drain. It caught him off guard when I slammed my fist into his stomach, but only for a second. The dog started barking and whining.
"That's my fucking property. You don't come in my house..." was as much as I got out before he knocked my lights out. I sunk to my knees, and waited for the stars to stop. As soon as my head cleared, I grabbed him behind the knees and pulled his legs out from under him, landing him flat on his back on my kitchen floor. Appa was barking and circling us. I was trying to get up when his combat boot connected with the side of my ribcage. Now I was on the floor beside him. Tears welled up in my eyes. It was like I was the little punk ass brother again. I started trying to kick him to keep him away from me. He grabbed me in a horizontal bear hug and then wrapped his legs around mine, I was immobilized.
"Let me go you fucking bastard" I screamed over the barking dog.
"No" he said calmly. "Shut up!" he yelled at the dog. Appa backed off and growled.
I struggled to get free, but years of marine training gave him quite an advantage over a budding alcoholic desk jockey. The more I tried to break loose the tighter he held me. I felt helpless, like when we were kids. Something welled up inside of me and I filled up with rage mixed with the existing sadness I had built up. I broke into tears and screamed at him. I called him every curse word I could remember and then devolved into some kind of cursing gibberish. He held on tight until I stopped screaming and kicking and struggling and was just sobbing into his shoulder.
"Are you done now?" he whispered.
"I don't know" I tried to be smartassed with him.
"Then I guess we'll lay here all night" he answered.
Once my red cloud of rage passed and my sobbing subsided, I said "Hank, could you please let me up now?"
"Are you going to behave?" he asked.
"Yeah, I think I'm okay now" I said, "God, I need a drink."
"No, you don't" he said, standing up and offering me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up off the floor easily. Instead of bourbon, he poured me a glass of tea. We went and sat on the sofa. Appa jumped up on the opposite side of me from Hank.
"Hand me your phone" Hank said. I thought about refusing, but rather than be held down like a bratty child again I complied.
He went through my contacts and dialed a number.
"Hey, this is Hank. Yeah, I'm here already. Come on over. Yeah, he'll be here in a few minutes" he said, then hung up the phone and sat on the end table next to him. I sat and sipped my tea, wondering what he had planned. Fifteen minutes later the doorknob turned and Felino walked in.
"Greet your guest properly" Hank said.
"Hello, Felino" I said meekly. Felino sat down and a few minutes later there was a knock at the door. Hank got up and answered it and through the door came Bill.
"Thanks for coming, Bill" Hank said. Hank gathered his thoughts for a minute then said "I'll start off. Look Otto, I know how you feel, she was my mother too. It killed me that I had to go back on duty so fast. Unlike you, I didn't tell all my friends to `fuck off' and they've helped me work through a lot it. The pain is still there but it's not as bad. You've got to stop shutting people out. Nobody can handle everything by themselves. People have been around for a long time and you're not the only one who's ever felt the way you feel. You need to stop with the drinking and smoking. The only thing you're getting out of those things is bad health and a ruined life. The relief you get is only temporary and very temporary at that. Mom wouldn't want that for you, you were her golden child. Sunshine and rainbows came out of your ass. She could always see the good and the potential in you. You've proved to me tonight that you need help get your head back on `right', I'm here for you now and I'm not going anywhere."
I started to speak but he shook his head and said "Bill?"
"Otto, I'm sorry for invading your space, but we thought it was important for you to know we all love you. I'm know I'm not your real father, Otto; I never pretended to be, and I think, maybe, just acknowledging that helped you and me get along so well. When Hank called and told me what was going on, he didn't have to bully me into coming. I booked a flight as soon as he did. I know I may live 800 miles from here but anytime you need me I can be here in a few hours. If you need to talk something out, call me, any time day or night. I'm there for you too."
I waited my turn since I knew Hank wasn't going to let me say anything yet. He pointed to Felino.
"Cariño...I don't know if you could tell, but I...well...I care deeply for you" he began.
"That's not how you said it to me" Hank said.
"Ok...I fucking LOVE you; I am in love with you. I hate that you're in this state of mind. I don't want to give up on you. I think we had the start of something good. But...but...I can't have the only love in the relationship. You need to love me back and more importantly, you need to love yourself, pindejo. Don't give me that look; I DO know how you feel. I guess you haven't taken time to remember, but I lost my mother too, except I was only five years old. Never knew my deadbeat father, mother gone. Sent to live with my aunt; Tia Rosita. Thank God for her. She was there when I lost everything. I say all that to say this: You don't have to be alone. You have all of us. You have many more friends who would help you if you would just ask. I can't tell you what tomorrow will bring for us but I want to see it...preferably WITH you."
I didn't really know what to say. Now it was my turn to talk and I was sitting there like an idiot, looking back and forth from one to the other. I took a deep breath and let out some of my stress.
"I'm sorry I fucked up" I said, "It all happened so fast and I'm hurting so much and I felt like nobody cared. Like everybody was over it except me. I keep feeling like if I hold onto mom, she won't be gone. I started drinking at night because I couldn't sleep. When I go to bed, I think about all the bad things I've done to her; how I should have treated her better, went to see her more often. I found out if I drank, I could sleep through the night. Then, I started getting in trouble at work and Fey was nagging me and everybody just wanted me to `get over it'. I can't get over it so fast like y'all have. It made me feel like I was too far down the drain, so I stopped caring. I'm a weak loser. Maybe I would have been better person if you'd stayed here and beat the hell out of me more often" I said looking at Hank.
"Well, I'm here for you now" he said, putting his arm around my shoulders, "and I'll kick your ass anytime you need it, baby brother." Felino wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my neck. "You know I'm here anytime you'll let me be, Otto" he whispered in my ear." I looked into those deep brown eyes and whispered back, "Tonight."
"Bill, I think I'll take you up on the use of that second bed at your hotel" Hank said to Bill, then to me he added "I love you too, baby brother, but I don't think I want to hear the sounds that may be coming out of that bedroom tonight."
I turned bright red, and Felino's eyes looked hopeful. Bill and Hank got up and headed out. I locked the door behind them. Felino was naked by the time I turned the lamp off. I followed him into the bedroom losing clothing as I walked. I lay on the bed and Appa jumped up beside me. Felino pulled the covers back and Appa growled at him.
"No, buddy, Felino is one of the good guys" I told him. He looked dubious, but walked to the foot of the bed and laid down.
"I'm exhausted, lets catch some sleep" I said. Felino turned off the light and moved over and put his arm around me, holding me close to him. We were asleep in no time.
I woke up in the middle of the night. When I moved my feet, I couldn't feel Appa, he must have gone into his crate to sleep. What I could feel was a certain prodding in the area of my posterior. Felino's was hard as a rock in his sleep with his cock lodged in the crack of my ass. It dawned on me that I hadn't even jacked off in about two weeks. I reached back and pulled my cheeks apart and let his dick line up with its target. I felt around on the night table and found my jar of Vaseline, popped the top and got a smear. I carefully reached back and put it in the proper place and then began to wiggle until I could feel the prong get seated in my hole. All the motion had woken Felino, and finding himself in such position he pushed in and sunk into me. I pushed back into his body, trying to get more of him inside me until there was nowhere else to go. For neither of us to have done this before, it sure felt right; like what I'd been missing. The initial pain made me tense up and Felino didn't dare move, but as I started to relax, I started moving myself back and forth on his pole.
I lifted my right leg and set my foot flat onto my other leg, opening myself up more. Felino wasted no time easing more of himself into me. I could feel his short-trimmed bush scratching against my crack.
"Fuck me like we're in one of those stories on Nifty" I said, smiling for the first time in a long time.
"No, cariño" he whispered, "no fantasy bullshit tonight. I love you; I won't fuck you, but I'll make love to you."
He pulled out until just the head remained in me, then slowly pushed back in. I let out a soft whine and heard a growl from the corner of the room which made me laugh out loud.
"I want to look at you" Felino whispered, he pulled out and started turning me onto my back. It was dark in the room but the moonlight was just enough to make out his features a little. It was not enough for Felino. He reached over and turned on the beside lamp. I looked up at him, his long hair hanging down around his ears, a couple of days-worth of stubble on his face, his infinitely deep eyes. He grabbed a pillow and put it under my ass; something else he'd obviously seen on Pornhub and then he handed me my legs which I held up by my shoulders as he pierced me again. At this angle, when he entered, he banged into my sweet spot and I gasped a little. Appa had come out of the crate and was standing on his hind legs next to the bed trying to see if I was all right. I reached over and petted him on the head and after a couple of seconds he figured it was okay and went back to his bed.
I felt myself getting actually turned-on big time from the log embedded in my colon and I started rocking my hips. That was all Felino needed, he started taking over and set up a rhythm. I laid back and enjoyed the ride. I started experimenting as it progressed. When he started to pull out, I started clamping down on him. I watched as the goosebumps appeared on his arms. Virgins never last long and we were no exception to that rule. Felino was pumping faster and faster and I could tell he was probably about to blow. I grabbed my cock and started beating it like a red-headed stepchild, which made my asshole tighten up. Felino made an animal noise and tried to stuff his entire body into me through the back door.
"I'm cominggggg!" he said, never stopping his thrusts.
"Stay in me" I said through my heavy breaths. I was almost there too. As soon as his orgasm started subsiding, Felino started moving again for me. I nearly knocked him off of me when my orgasm hit and my whole body stiffened as I blew out two weeks' worth of cum all over the two of us. I pulled him down to me by the neck and kissed him over and over.
At the side of the bed stood Appa, who was back making sure I was all right. I let out a deep sigh and he jumped down and snorted and went back to his bed, disgusted at being kept awake with all this noise.
I was painted with cum and when Fey pulled out he had a little brown on him; another virgin learning experience. We decided pretty quick that a late night/early morning shower was definitely going to be a necessity. He got up and started the shower. I carefully got up trying to hold his cum in so I didn't mess up the pillow underneath me, then ran to the toilet.
We washed each other thoroughly and due to that thoroughness, had our second orgasms of the night. After drying off, we were both really spent. We were asleep as soon as we hit the sheets.
Lambodara 4/25/21
I mean, if he'd known how much good an intense fuck would do him, he could have saved all the money wasted on booze.
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