Educating Alex

APOLOGY

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Yup, Chapters 7 and 8 were absolutely riddled with typos, but all 15,000 words were hammered out in a fairly short space of time. No excuse for not proofreading, I know. Hopefully there will be fewer in this one and, hopefully, I can get to the end of the weekend without sprawling into yet another chapter. I'm getting mixed signals about "y'all" with opinion being divided on whether it is or isn't acceptable as a singular, so I'm stopping using it as I'm fed up replying to emails about it. Once again, I am very keen to get EA finished so I can get on with the business of writing Crux Chapter 2.

DISCLAIMER

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This is a work of fiction; any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. The author asserts all legal and moral rights (copyright (c) 2001 - www.ardveche.com) to this work and you may not copy it or transmit it in any way except in its entirety and with this disclaimer. This story features descriptions of sex between adult males:

• if such material is prohibited in your jurisdiction, please DO NOT READ ON, - if you're under the legal age to read such material, please DO NOT READ ON, - if you don't like, or are offended by such material, please DO NOT READ ON.

Now, if everyone who is still here is meant to be here or at least aware they shouldn't be, let's get on with it. All comments are welcome and gratefully received (email them to ardveche@ardveche.com).

EDUCATING ALEX IX

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We were supposed to drive home on Sunday, so Saturday was really our last day in the cabin and we were agreed that we should make the most of it. That said, we did both sleep late on Saturday morning, wasting much of what turned out to be a lovely crisp clear day. Somehow, though I knew I should, I just couldn't bring myself to draw away from Alex and get out of bed. I rolled onto my side to find Alex propped on one elbow watching me calmly, those wonderful brown eyes fixed on my face. As I rolled towards him, he allowed himself to smile a little at me.

"Morning, sleeping beauty." He murmured, his voice low and deep.

"Hey, you." I reached out and ran one hand down his arm, tracing the lines of his muscles. "Ho do you feel?" I was concerned about the previous night, it being Alex's first time and still amazed that he had gone through with it, and more amazed that it had been his idea.

"A little sore." He shrugged and then smiled more broadly at me. "But a good kind of sore."

"Yeah?" I waited for him to go on.

""Yeah. I enjoyed it." He paused and chewed on his lower lip again. "So I guess there's no doubt about it any more, huh?"

"About what?"

"Guess I am gay."

"Alex..."

"Shut up, Ryan. I know you want to try to make me feel better with your bullshit about not having to apply labels, but I am what I am and at least I now know what that is."

"But, Alex..."

"And." He went on, pressing one finger against my lips. "I'm happy about it. I'm happy to be gay, and I'm happy to be with you. And, well, and I'm proud of it too."

There didn't seem to be much more I could say after that, so I abandoned my efforts at speaking, he had left me dumbfounded and I had no idea what it was I wanted to say anyway. So I contented myself with smiling at my boyfriend and moving closer to kiss him softly on the lips, Alex responded by wrapping one strong arm round my back and drawing me towards him in a long, tight embrace.

"You've really opened my eyes, Ry." He told my neck. "You've made me really, truly happy."

"You've made me happy too, Alex." I whispered back. "More than I can say."

"So, about last night?" He began hesitantly.

"What about it?" I asked after his pause drew out into a prolonged silence.

"It was, well, different."

"You said."

"And kinda fun." He trailed off into silence again.

"But..?"

"But, please don't be mad at me, I don't think it's really my thing." He finally blurted out, pulling away from me a little and hanging his head. I looked at him in silence for a moment or two and then burst out laughing, and my laughter only got louder as he looked up at me with confusion in those dopey eyes. When I had control of myself again, I reached out and ran my fingers through his short blond hair with a fond smile.

"Silly boy."

"Huh?"

"It's not my thing either, stud." I smiled more broadly at him. "Did you enjoy it, you know, the first time, when you were doing me?"

"Oh yeah!" The smile on his face was deeply goofy now and I had to laugh again as he nodded his head up and down rapidly. He reminded me of a cartoon character.

"Well, that's the way I prefer to do it."

"But last night, you enjoyed that too, right?" He looked puzzled. "You seemed to be, I mean you seemed pretty good to me. Didn't you like it?"

"Yes, very much. How could I not, have you looked at yourself lately?"

"So, why, hang on, wait, I don't understand, if you're, well..." Not much of a sentence, but I think I got his point.

"Look, Alex, remember my 'bullshit' about labels?" He nodded, so I continued. "I don't buy that 'top' and 'bottom' shit. I'm sure some people only ever assume one role or the other, but I don't believe they're incapable of enjoying the other one, I think they're posing. I think there are people who don't think they're really gay unless they get fucked, and I think there are others who don't think they're really men if they do."

"So what does that have to do with us?"

"Well, I prefer being a bottom, I enjoy it very much, but from time to time I like being the top instead. You, it seems prefer being the top, but you're willing to be the bottom too, on occasion. Right?"

"Yeah, I think so. Yeah, right."

"So relax, go with it, do what seems fun at the time. I don't expect us to be fifty-fifty top and bottom in bed. I expect us just to be lovers, no labels, no expectations, no roles. Let's just do what feels good and forget about it."

"Maybe the label thing is kinda dumb." He finally allowed after he had looked at me quietly for some time and digested what I had said. I knew Alex was struggling to come to terms with a lot of aspects of our relationship trying, albeit unconsciously, to fit us into traditional male and female roles - unsuccessfully.

"Yup. You're a man, I'm a man. We love each other, we have sex with one another. End of discussion."

"Okay."

"So what do you want to do today?"

"Laze around with my boyfriend." He murmured, stroking my chest lightly. "I should go call him."

"Bastard." I slapped his hand sharply.

"Okay. What I want to do today is whatever you want to do today."

"Alex, c'mon you've done enough for me already." I sighed at him. "What do YOU want to do?"

"Well, I could really go for something to eat. Then maybe go for another walk, take it easy, enjoy our last day away from the city."

"You miss living like this, huh?"

"Like this?" He grinned broadly at me and chuckled lightly. "You're too funny, Ryan. My folks don't live like this." He adopted the thickest hillbilly type accent imaginable. "We live in a modern house, with 'lectricity and a phone, runnin' water and ev'thin', hell even one of them newfangled inside toilets. It's not like the Clampett's shack."

"Sorry." I said a little shamefacedly, I knew he didn't live in a shack, but I just imagined him in less sophisticated surroundings. He laughed aloud at my contrition.

"Do you know what my father does for a living?"

"He's a farmer isn't he?"

"Yes. What does that mean to you? Couple fields, one ratty looking cow for milking?"

"Um."

"You need to come visit me at home, over the Christmas vacation, buddy."

"I'd like that, but wouldn't your parents..." I trailed off completely.

"I'll deal with them. They're gonna have to be told eventually. I can't pretend you're just my friend, that wouldn't be right." I had to admire him then, he seemed so sure of himself, and his sense of fair play was just wonderful, he was going to come out to his parents so I didn't have to pretend just to be a friend of his. That was kinda touching. I decided to let the subject drop for the time being. We finally hauled ourselves out of bed and got dressed about twenty minutes later and had a pleasant breakfast, well more like lunch, in the cabin's little kitchen.

After that, we did as Alex suggested and went for a walk, it turned out there were a number of clearly marked and well maintained paths through the woods and a few cabins like ours within easy walking distance. It was a testament to whoever had built them all that you would never have known you weren't the only person out there unless you went looking. As it happened, most of them were empty, just the wrong time of year for their owners to be using them, I suppose. But the additional privacy, which on Thursday had seemed so intimidating and remote, was now quite comforting.

As he had the previous day when we walked down to the lake, Alex seemed a little subdued, absorbed in his own thoughts. He talked easily enough, answered questions and participated in the conversation, but the answers were short and the pauses were long. I didn't make an enormous effort to keep him talking, it was pleasant enough just to hold his hand and walk with him, enjoying the quiet companionship. We stood for some time by the edge of the water skipping stones across the surface, Alex won that of course, mine sank like, well, like stones. At one point he seemed to pull himself together and flashing me an apologetic grin he pulled me to him, throwing his arm around my shoulders. I slid my arm round his waist and that's how we walked back to the cabin.

That night we did nothing, we ate a simple dinner and then sprawled in the living room and talked quietly. I lay on the couch and Alex sat on the floor in front of me in what was a familiar pose for us, I draped one arm over his shoulder and down his chest, using the other to play with his hair. It was a pleasant and relaxing evening, the only fly in the ointment was Alex's continued pensive silence, and eventually I cracked.

"Okay. I give up, what's wrong with you?" I finally demanded, giving his shoulder a little shake and making him tilt his head back to look at me.

"Nothing." He said quietly, offering me a wan little smile. This was Alex's way of saying 'something is bothering me, and I want to talk about it, but I don't want to make it easy, you'll have to drag it out of me'.

"So why so quiet and dreamy?"

"Just thinking about stuff."

"Such as?" I ran my hand back up his chest to cup his chin and prevent him squirming away from me. He blinked those big, liquid brown eyes of his at me.

"Stuff." Alex gave a little shrug and a twist of his head to get loose and quickly shuffled round so he was facing me, pulling his legs up and resting his chin on his knees, clasping his hands before him.

"Comfortable?" I asked, swinging my legs off the couch and sitting up straight, a scowl on my face. He gave another little halfhearted shrug and nodded at me. "Okay, so speak, tell me what's on your mind."

"Stuff." He said again, not looking at me.

"Alex..." I said, a little note of impatience in my voice. That was now the third time he had said that and I was getting annoyed, the more so as whatever was disturbing him had made him move away from me.

"I don't know." He said after a moment, realizing perhaps that my patience was wearing thin. "Just so much has happened."

"I know, everything moved pretty quickly, huh?" I decided to be sympathetic as I knew that Alex hadn't anticipated or really been prepared for everything that had happened between us. That said, I had missed the warning signs as he had been so bouncy lately, and had really been taking the lead propelling us from one landmark to the next.

"It's not that. I'm happy with how things are going." He reached out to take both my hands in his gentle, warm grip. "Really, really happy."

"So what's up?"

"I don't know. I just have a lot to think about, I guess." He tried a little smile. Alex's nervousness about some things could be very endearing, but I sometimes found these mood swings a little tedious.

"Alex, you're not answering me. I can't help you if I don't know what's bugging you." I punctuated my words by squeezing his hands.

"I know, Ry. I just don't know what I'm trying to say, so I don't know that there is anything you can do."

"Okay, I understand. But don't shut me out, okay?"

"Never." He assured me with a broad toothy smile.

"I mean it, Alex."

"I know you do, but so do I."

"Good, just as long as you realize that I'm always here for you."

"Of course I do." He rocked forward onto his knees, kissing me on the lips and standing up. "Look, I need to think some things through, sort some stuff out in my mind first. Okay?" I looked up at him and smiled to show I understood. "Come to bed?"

"With you?" I joked.

"Hey, there's nothing you can do for me I can't do for myself." He shot straight back, obviously pleased with himself.

"Are you sure about that?" I asked with a grin.

"Come on, beautiful, let's go make out for a while, 'kay?" He hauled me to my feet and into another wonderfully warm hug.

"Is that an apology?"

"I guess." He murmured kissing my hair gently.

"Good enough for me."

I followed him up the stairs to the bedroom and we did exactly as he had suggested, simply lay in one another's arms and kissed, nothing sexual, just intimacy by the light of a few of Alex's candles. I don't know how long we lay like that, but eventually I must have fallen asleep and knew nothing until the next morning when I awoke still in my beautiful boyfriend's strong embrace. He smiled fondly at me as I blinked up at him, trying to clear my head enough to form a coherent sentence. This seemed to be happening a lot lately, usually it was me who woke up first, but lately it had tended to be Alex instead.

"Hey."

"Morning." He grinned broadly at me.

"Sleep well?"

"I guess." He moved one shoulder in a little half shrug and changed the subject. "Hey, d'you think you could do some of the driving on the way back down?"

"Of course I can, if you'll navigate."

"Cool." So saying, Alex thrust himself into a sitting position. "Well, we'd better get started cleaning this place up and stuff, huh?"

"Alex?"

"Yup?" He turned, halfway to the stairs, and glanced back at me his face open and innocent, I guess he really did think we had to make a start.

"Nothing. Go shower." I flapped my hand dismissively at him and rolled over again.

"Okay." He replied with a goofy grin and another shrug and trotted off down the stairs. Moments later I heard the water running and decided I should go a little more easy on Alex, with a sigh and a grunt I pushed myself upright and went downstairs to join him slipping into the shower alongside him. I guess I startled him, he certainly jumped as I placed my hand on his shoulder, spinning round to face me, luckily I was able to prevent him slipping and toppling over. After the initial surprise he started to laugh and we ended up clinging to one another and laughing together as the water cascaded down over us.

More than an hour later, after a leisurely bout of lovemaking in the shower exploring one another's bodies slowly and gently allowing the tension to build to the point where it became almost unbearable, we staggered back out of the stall still laughing like idiots. It had been wonderful, tender and extremely intimate, not to mention thoroughly enjoyable. There's something about having sex in the shower that is just so amazingly invigorating, certainly one of my favorite ways to start the day. After a long slow kiss by the shower stall we toweled one another dry and got dressed back in the bedroom under the watchful glassy gaze of Billy the dog. Whatever had been bothering Alex, he seemed his usual upbeat self again, guess I just have that effect on men!

The two of us set about cleaning the cabin after a quick breakfast. While I cleared the fridge of any perishables Alex raked out the ashes and built up a new fire for whenever the cabin was next used. After that we did a quick clean up, Alex making a halfhearted tour of the room with the vacuum cleaner while I collected our various belongings and packed them back into the bags. We had the place looking completely presentable again, Blair had said just to throw towels and linen and stuff into the hamper and it's be taken care of, we sat back on the couch and in perfect unison let out deep sighs.

"Well, that's done then."

"Yup." Alex answered nodding amiably. "So, you ready?"

"I guess so." I paused for a moment, taking his hand. "Alex?"

"Mm?"

"This has been a great weekend, Alex, I just wanted to thank you again." I said with all the sincerity I could muster, it had been fabulous, even with Alex's occasional bouts of moody silence.

"Thank me?" He tilted his head on one side with one eyebrow raised, then his face spread into his trademark goofy grin. "Didn't you do that in the shower?"

"You are so not funny, I'm serious!" I hit him on the shoulder.

"Okay, c'mon, let's roll." He pulled me to my feet with him and gave me a deep kiss and a quick, rough hug. "Thanks, Ryan, for everything."

"No problem, big guy."

"So wanna grab some lunch on the road?" Alex asked as he released me, then my words registered. "Big guy, huh?"

"Lunch?" I ignored him pointedly and he laughed and shook his head.

"Yeah, okay, so lunch?"

"Sure." We got our coats and said goodbye to the little cabin, it had been a great couple of days together out there in the well-maintained and carefully controlled wilderness, as close to wildlife as I needed to be. We bundled our bags into the car and Alex took first turn driving, Billy sitting in the back seat looking out the window, steering us along the wooded roads in renewed silence. I absorbed myself quietly too in mulling over the stuff Alex and I had discussed over the last couple of weeks, thinking about how close the two of us had become and how much more meaningful it all seemed than any previous relationship I had been involved in. Around an hour after we left the cabin we passed through a quiet little town and pulled up at the most adorable little mom and pop diner.

"Look good?"

"Hell yes! After all this rusticity, a slice of the 1950s is exactly what we need."

"'Rusticity'? Man, you are so weird, Ryan." Alex laughed aloud as we got out of the car and stretched our legs before entering the diner and taking a booth by the window. There were only three other customers in there, an old couple in a booth and a guy at the counter. We browsed the limited menu (not quite the 'breakfast lunch or dinner' of 'My Cousin Vinnie' but very nearly) and briefly discussed our options, which were pretty much burgers, burgers or burgers.

"Afternoon, boys, are you ready to order?"

"Yes, ma'am, we certainly are." Alex responded with his most dazzling smile and the old woman's face just lit up. "I think I'll have the cheeseburger and a glass of OJ, please."

"No problem, handsome, how about you, honey?" She turned to me with the same smile she had given Alex.

"Um, cheeseburger as well, thanks, and, um, I guess a coke?"

"Okay, I won't be a second with those." She beamed at us and headed off to the kitchen.

"This place is cool." Alex said as soon as we were alone. "Plain and simple."

"Yeah, it's 'plain and simple' all right." I looked around with a little frown on my face. "Man, I wanna get back to the city and all my little luxuries."

"No soul." Alex murmured, shaking his head at me. "This is the kinda sleepy little place I would love to live in. Get my own place, maybe my own business and settle down." He beamed a bright, toothy smile at me. "With the man I love, of course."

"Sounds wonderful." I replied wryly. "Except for one thing, small towns and gay men don't usually go well together." I lowered my voice conspiratorially at the word 'gay'.

"Maybe. I think that's pretty dumb. You just gotta be yourself, not go into things with this huge chip on your shoulder, you expect hostility you'll get hostility." He shrugged at me. Alex, the proto-gay, was in many ways a lot more comfortable with his sexuality and with outward displays of it than I was, he wore being my boyfriend as easily as he would a new shirt, and acted as though the change was no more significant. In other ways he was hopelessly at a loss with it all, it made me wonder. I was the political activist here, organizing rallies, giving talks and writing articles, always talking about who I was and about my lifestyle. Alex blushed like a schoolboy whenever the topic of gay sex was mentioned, but was much more at ease in a gay relationship than I would ever be. Maybe I had too much political baggage? Maybe I was destined always to be a talker and Alex the doer.

"It's more complicated than that, Alex."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No, it's not buddy, you make it more complicated."

"There are people in the world who think it's okay to beat a gay man to death, Alex."

"And they're in the minority. Most people are basically decent, they can come to terms with almost anything, you just got to be open and decent back at them." I looked at him for a moment, trying to work out if he was kidding me, but he wasn't he really believed what he was saying to me.

"I'm not going to argue with you about this, Alex, but it really isn't that simple."

"Ryan..."

"Okay boys, hope you enjoy it." The waitress returned to our table and set the food and drinks before us with a broad smile. "You need anything else, you just let me know."

We ate hungrily, our light breakfast seemed so many hours ago and I was absolutely ravenous, so the argument was forgotten as we munched contentedly on our burgers and slurped our drinks happily. Finally Alex sat back with a deep sigh, pushing his plate away from himself and patting his belly with a broad grin. I was in no hurry to get started again, happy to take the day slowly and the drive home at a leisurely pace. The waitress, whose name-tag said Joan, came back over when I too had finished and cleared our plates away, nodding and smiling at Alex as protesting about how full he was he allowed himself to be talked into a Danish with his coffee, I just ordered coffee. I smiled despite myself as Alex laughed and chatted with Joan, once again his natural charm had won him a friend, and I was more than happy just to watch him in action and enjoy the warm glow of pride in my boyfriend.

"What're you grinning at?" He asked when we were alone again and in possession of our coffees.

"You."

"Why?" He tried to look stern, but ended up smiling back at me.

"You're in your element, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you mean." He grinned like an idiot, knowing exactly what I meant, and dropped his gaze to his coffee so I kicked him in the shins under the table until he looked up again and shrugged. "Okay, so I like small town life, sue me."

"Nah, it's okay, it's kinda cute."

"Cute, huh?" I'd hit on the right word to rankle with him, my mission accomplished I was able to sit back and enjoy my coffee in silence. He shook his head sadly at me and gave me a look as though I were an escaped lunatic and he was just humoring me. "Freak."

"Oh, thanks." I sighed, but I didn't mind really.

"Can I get you boys anything else?" Joan asked returning to our booth after saying a voluble goodbye to the guy at the counter.

"Oh, no thanks, we'll just take the check." I volunteered.

"Okay." Joan bustled off to get the check while Alex fished in his jacket pocked for his wallet. I reached for mine at the same time and he shot me a look that made me raise my hands in surrender and wait for him to pay. "So you boys staying in town for long?" The waitress asked Alex as we sauntered over to the counter to pay for our meals.

"No, just passing through." Alex supplied. "We were staying up at Mr. Sutherland's cabin."

"Too bad, place could use a few more good looking boys like you two around." She said smiling at Alex, but including me in the statement too.

"Thanks." Alex replied laughing and blushing, though I did the same so I was in no position to criticize.

"Drive safely now." She said accepting the money from him. "And, boys?"

"Yeah?"

"Between you and me, I think you make a lovely couple."

"What?" We said together, amazement in both our voices.

"You just need to look at your eyes, handsome." She told Alex simply, with a wide and kindly smile. "Any fool can see how much in love you are."

"I..." Alex began to speak, but seemed unable to order his thoughts enough for a coherent response.

"And you are one incredibly lucky boy." She told me. "The way he looks at you is so special, you've made a foolish old woman's day by coming in here." I turned to look at Alex, my mouth hanging open and he laughed at me.

"Well thanks, Joan. You've made my day too." He said, taking me by the hand and leading me, unprotesting, to the door with a huge grin plastered across his face.

"I suppose you think you won some kind of moral victory there, huh?" I asked getting back into the car, this time in the driving seat.

"Yup." He agreed, sliding into the passenger seat and leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

"Well you didn't, one little old lady does not signify."

"Sure she does."

"No, she doesn't, she means nothing, she probably thought you were a girl."

"Funny. Drive the car, wise guy." He settled back into his seat, a smug grin still on his face. I guess he really thought he'd proved something with that whole thing.

The rest of the drive went much more quickly than I had expected, probably because it had been broken up by the stop for lunch which the journey up had not. Maybe because this time I was driving and so there was less opportunity for my mind to wander, who can say? Whatever the reason it hardly seemed any time until we were pulling to a stop outside our building and our magical weekend was at an end.

"Let's not unpack until tomorrow." I suggested as we got out of the car.

"Huh?" Alex glanced over at me, a puzzled expression on his face. "Mr. Obsessive-Compulsive doesn't want to unpack."

"Vacation's not over 'til we do." I explained.

"Oh. Sure, I guess." He shrugged and walked round to open the trunk and haul the bags out, passing one to me.

"Oh, I nearly forgot Billy!" I said as we were heading towards the apartment, so I left him standing waiting as I trotted back to the car for the stuffed dog.

"Must we call it that?"

"Sure, reminds me of you." I kissed his cheek and laughed as we headed into our building.

"What the fuck?" Alex's voice was even and measured as he ascended the stairs ahead of me, but I saw from the way he jerked upright and by the set of his shoulders that something was wrong. I tried to see round him, to see what the problem was, fearing the worst that we'd been robbed or something.

"What?" I demanded.

"Look at this." He stood aside outside our door and let me climb up the last few stairs. Sloppily spray painted across the door and part of the wall on either side in lurid pink letters was a single word: faggots. "Who would do something like this?"

"Alex, forget it, we'll clean it off." I shrugged, keeping my anger in check.

"No. I will." He unlocked the door and pushed it open, ushering me inside. "Your weekend is not over yet, Ryan. Go inside, make some coffee."

"Alex, it's okay, I'll help."

"I said 'no'. This is because of me, I'm going to clean it up." His voice was still measured, but there was a note of iron to it.

"What do you mean it's because of you?"

"This ever happen before I moved in?" He asked me, I shook my head cautiously and was about to protest his reasoning but he kept talking. "Derek and his asshole buddies did this, Ryan, and it's aimed at me."

"You can't be sure of that."

"I can and I am. Go into the apartment." I stared at him for a moment or two longer and then shrugged and entered our apartment, Alex right behind me. He deposited our bags on the living room floor and headed straight for the kitchen to get a bowl of water to clean the graffiti from the door.

"Let me help." I insisted as he walked back past me to the door, his jaw and face set in grim lines.

"Make some coffee, Ryan, I'm gonna need it." He replied closing the door softly behind himself as he exited the apartment. Moments later I heard him scrubbing at the graffiti and allowed my fists to unclench and stood for some time in thought before I went to the kitchen to make the coffee. I was furious, if it really was Derek who was responsible I wanted to kill him. What a vicious, small-minded bastard, what was the point in doing something like that? I realized I was grinding my teeth as I leaned on the kitchen counter waiting for the coffee to be ready and I took a deep breath and got control of my anger.

"All done." Alex said entering the kitchen behind me and emptying the water from the bowl down the sink, he turned and gave me a tightlipped little smile.

"Alex..."

"Shut up Ryan, and give me a hug." He held out both arms and waited for me to step closer, before folding them tightly round my back and burying his face in my hair. His entire body was tense, I could feel the anger twanging in his muscles, but he seemed externally to be in complete control. We stood still, I gently stroked his back as Alex took a few deep, deep breaths and I felt the tension easing out of him. "You always relax me, beautiful." He finally murmured, stepping back and smiling gently at me. "Now forget about it."

"I can't just forget it."

"Yes you can." He messed my hair up and grinned more broadly. "It doesn't matter, it's just some asshole, what he thinks doesn't matter one good goddamn, all that matters is that we have one another. You got that?"

"But, Alex..."

"Ryan." He took a firm hold of both my shoulders and gave me a little shake, and gazed straight into me with his wonderfully sincere brown eyes. "Drop it. I'll take care of it."

"How?"

"I'll talk to him." He shrugged.

"What'll that achieve?"

"So where's the coffee you were making?" He asked, turning away from me.

"Alex, what are you planning?"

"Nothing. I said forget it, look, Ryan, someone did something dumb, I've cleaned it up, just drop it. Don't go on and on about it, there's no use in us getting mad, and I don't want to fight with you. Okay? So, please, just drop it." He spaced the last five words out very, very slowly and the tone of his voice made it clear that he really meant it. I wanted to know what he was thinking of doing, but there was no point in asking him again, and I knew that as far as he was concerned the matter was forgotten, I just didn't have his ability to tune stuff out like that. I knew that I, at least, was going to be worrying about it, that I couldn't just pretend that it hadn't happened.

"Coffee's in the pot." I said turning and walking out of the kitchen.

"Ryan!" He called after me. "Come on, Ryan!" He followed me to the living room where I had thrown myself down onto the couch.

"Don't Alex, I can't just pretend nothing happened."

"Ryan, do you care what Derek thinks of you, of us?" He squatted in front of me, between my feet and took hold of both hands looking up at me sincerely.

"No, of course not."

"And do you care what I think?"

"You know I do."

"So Derek thinks we're faggots, and guess what, he's right. The guy's a genius, I wonder what gave us away?" He squeezed my hands and smiled. "I think we're great, and I think so long as we keep talking to each other and don't let morons like him come between us, we always will be. So fuck him, forget about him, it's cleaned up. That's how significant it was, it took ten minutes to clean. Wow, well done Derek, you really ruined my day." He smiled and I had to smile back at him. "Okay?"

"Okay."

"Now give me a kiss and move over on that couch." He said, pushing himself upright. I obeyed on both counts and let him lie alongside me on the couch and cradle me in his strong sure arms. Maybe the vacation didn't have to end just yet after all. I sighed and allowed myself to relax slowly in Alex's embrace.

"Thanks, Alex."

"No problem." He murmured back to me. Maybe it's just me but the absolute best thing about a relationship, about having a boyfriend, is not the sex. For me, it's being able to simply hold someone and be held by them, to enjoy intimacy without worrying about what anyone thinks. And now that he had tried so hard to convince me not to worry about what Derek and his cronies thought, or more accurately to remember that I didn't care, that's exactly what I was able to do. Alex was one hundred percent right, fuck them, this was too good to be ruined by them.

To Be Continued