Educating Alex

ANNOUNCING...

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Well, here it is. The promised final chapter of 'Educating Alex'. However, too many loose ends are hanging around, so there will be more of these two. As an experiment though, I will be ending this story at the end of this chapter and starting an entirely new story instead. So keep your eyes peeled for 'ALEX ALONE', which will appear only on my own site. This will take up the reins of the story during the Christmas vacation and tell it from the point of view of Alex instead of Ryan. I can only hope it works out! In the meantime, new postings etc. will continue to happen on the ol' website: http://www.ardveche.com which now sports all sorts of useful features including an all singing, all dancing new message board.

DISCLAIMER

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This is a work of fiction; any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. The author asserts all legal and moral rights (copyright (c) 2001 - www.ardveche.com) to this work and you may not copy it or transmit it in any way except in its entirety and with this disclaimer. This story features descriptions of sex between adult males:

• if such material is prohibited in your jurisdiction, please DO NOT READ ON, - if you're under the legal age to read such material, please DO NOT READ ON, - if you don't like, or are offended by such material, please DO NOT READ ON.

Now, if everyone who is still here is meant to be here or at least aware they shouldn't be, let's get on with it. All comments are welcome and gratefully received (email them to ardveche@ardveche.com).

EDUCATING ALEX X

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Friday rolled around, and I had calmed down a little about the graffito on the front door. Alex's soothing words and gentle spirit had made me see things in a more reasonable way, helped to put things back into perspective. Life had, as life will tend to, gone on much as it always did. That morning I had received a letter in response to a scholarship application I had submitted months earlier, which had given me something to think about. In an uncharacteristic burst of Alex-like behavior though I had tucked it away in a drawer and decided to deal with it later. So instead, I sat around the apartment making plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas, Alex, of course, was at the pool. We had both decided to stay in town for Thanksgiving and avoid the nightmare of traveling home; not a real hardship for me as my parents and I didn't see eye to eye, but I could see that Alex was making an important decision in deciding to stay. The plan was to get together a group of people who were also staying and have a surrogate family. So far Blair and Ben had both agreed to come and Alex was seeing who else on the team would be interested. I had a few people in mind myself, but so far no more confirmations.

"I'm back!" Came the call from the door as Alex banged into the apartment. He entered the living room with Blair behind him. "And I picked up a drifter."

"Hey, Ryan." Blair said.

"Hey guys." I frowned, there was a cut above Alex's left eye. "What happened to you?"

"Slipped in the pool and banged my head."

"Well done, Billy." I shook my head at him. "You want a Band-Aid?"

"Nah, it's stopped bleeding now. Want a coffee?" Alex was offering to make coffee? Must be the fact that Blair was with him. He was house broken, it just didn't always show.

"Sure."

"Blair?"

"Yeah, thanks, dude." Blair flopped down on our couch with a sigh and watched Alex leave the room. "How's it going, Ry?"

"Yeah, fine. You're still on for Thursday, right?"

"Absolutely. Want me to bring anything?"

"I think we've pretty much got it covered." I replied, glancing at the list I had been working on.

"Are you sure? I make a mean pumpkin pie."

"You cook?"

"Well, strictly, no. But I know someone who does. So, okay, I can 'bring' a mean pumpkin pie." He grinned at me, I found I really liked Blair he was a good guy, and the gift of the cabin and the sushi had been much appreciated. "Hey, Natalie's decided to stay in town too, is it okay with you guys if she comes?"

"Yeah, no problem at all." I said, noting her name on the list. We could comfortably seat six or eight people, so there really was no problem with Blair's new girlfriend coming.

"It's not going to be awkward is it?"

"No. Um, no, I don't think so." I answered him, a little unsure. If my friend Elaine was coming too, then it wouldn't be a problem, otherwise she might be the only girl present. Of course, if Alex didn't invite anyone else, Blair might be the only straight guy present!

"Okay, cool." He seemed satisfied with that answer. There was a crash from the kitchen at that moment and we had to grin at one another.

"It's okay! Nothing's broken!" Alex called through to us and we both laughed aloud at him. He was doing well through there.

"So what's with the Billy thing?" Blair asked me.

"Oh, short for 'hillbilly'. I started calling him it, before I knew it was his middle name. He had no idea."

"Why don't I find that hard to believe?" Blair chuckled as Alex returned to the room with the mugs of coffee in his hand, pacing them on the table without spilling anything. Uncharitably, Blair rewarded him with a slow hand clap, and I found myself liking that boy yet more as I laughed at the expression on his face.

"You pair of assholes." Alex muttered as he took his seat, but he was smiling.

"We're easily amused." I answered him with a shrug.

"Because you're morons." He shot back.

"Hey!" Blair punched his arm sharply and Alex recoiled from him as though in pain. "Morons are we?"

"Yup."

"Children, please!" I chided them before they started wrestling and something got broken.

"Aww, mom!" Alex protested, making the 'o' in mom last for a long, long time and pouting at me. "He started it."

"I don't care who started it." I replied, slipping with ease into being my own mother. "I'm stopping it right now."

"Go on, Ryan, ground him!" Blair urged me with a laugh and a wink.

We continued to laugh and joke as we chatted back and forth over our coffee, talking about nothing in particular. It was all very enjoyable, Alex had had very few people in the apartment since we had been together, and I had avoided it too as far as possible. But what he had said at the weekend made perfect sense, if we were to be a couple we were going to have to start doing things together, and with other people. Our relationship was well and truly out of the closet thanks to Derek, what we had to do now was get used to that and in time people's interest in us would pass.

"Well, I gotta get going, guys." Blair finally announced getting to his feet.

"Okay." Alex said rising too and walking with him to the door. I said my good byes and turned my attention back to the lists in front of me and the plans for Thanksgiving. I could dimly hear their voices, although I wasn't trying to overhear and a couple of words filtered through to my brain. Filtered through and struck a chord. I waited quietly until Alex returned and flopped back onto the couch, he looked at me for a moment, sensing there was something on my mind.

"What?"

"'Thanks for your help with Derek'?" I queried, repeating back the words I had just overheard. Alex's hand flew to the cut by his eye before he could stop it, and my suspicions were confirmed. "What the hell did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Well you didn't slip. You just showed me that much." I put the top back on my pen and laid it on the table very deliberately. "Did you even go to the pool?"

"Yes!"

"Did you?" I continued to stare at him and he squirmed a little.

"Let's not talk about this, Ryan. Okay?"

"No. Let's talk about it. Actually, why don't I talk for a bit and you just nod and shake your head, yes?"

Alex nodded.

"You didn't go to the pool, did you?"

Alex shook his head.

"You got in a fight?"

Alex nodded.

"With Derek?"

Alex nodded.

"But not by chance, you went looking for him?"

Alex nodded and his gaze dropped from mine. Well, at least he had the decency to be embarrassed by what he had done.

"And Blair helped you?"

Alex nodded without looking up.

"Well done, Alex. That was very mature, you've really shown him who has the moral high ground on this one." I said, in my most withering tone.

"Fuck the moral high ground." He answered quietly, his head jerking up and his eyes bright with anger. His voice was slow and reasonable, he was clearly struggling not to lose his temper with me. "I'm not letting him get away with what he did."

"Alex..." I began.

"Don't patronize me, Ryan." He snapped. "I know two wrongs don't make a right, but he's been asking for it and it made me feel better." He shrugged at me, but didn't seem to be offering an apology or looking in any way contrite. "Wasn't too mature, but it's the only response Derek understands."

"How is he?" I demanded after a moment's silence.

"He'll heal."

"This has to be the most stupid thing you've ever done." I informed him in measured tones.

"Probably." He shrugged again, which was almost as infuriating as his actions.

"Is that all you have to say?" I demanded, frustration at his passivity creeping into my voice as the volume rose.

"I guess."

"Nothing else? You don't want to offer me an explanation of why you did something so fucking stupid?" I was actually shouting at him now. "You don't want to apologize to me for being such a total moron?"

"Not really." He shrugged again, a confused look on his handsome, stupid, open face. Part of him couldn't get why I was angry with him, part of him thought I was being the moron. There was no way I could deal with him, he was an idiot, and I was wasting my time trying to explain to him what he had done wrong, or why I was angry with him.

"I can't talk to you." I informed him, getting to my feet and walking out of the room. In the kitchen I stood gripping the edge of the counter and let myself calm down for a moment. I was furious at him, what he had done was sink to the same level as Derek and his Neanderthal cronies, I rested my head against the cool tiles and did some deep breathing for a while. This was so unlike Alex, he was not a violent person, he was calm and reasonable and gentle and totally laid-back. Maybe I didn't know him as well as I had thought, after all we hadn't been together all that long and this was the first time I had seen him in circumstances like this. Maybe I was wrong to be upset that he had reacted this way? Again, this whole situation was new to him, he was after all only a proto-gay, not a full fledged one like me.

"Ry?" He had come into the kitchen behind me, moving so quietly I hadn't been aware of him until his hands were resting on my waist. I didn't move or make a response, I could hear in his voice that he was upset too and I didn't feel like comforting him right then. What he had done was wrong, and he deserved to feel bad about it. When I didn't answer he leant closer and rested his forehead on my shoulder, an affectionate gesture I had come to love. There was no way on earth I was just going to pretend that what he was done was all right, let him just kiss me and melt. No way, I was simply going to forgive him for his stupidity because he happened to be being affectionate.

"Not now, Alex." I said, shaking him off and heading for the door.

"Ry?" He called to my back, sounding really hurt and though it tugged at my heart to do it, I walked out. "Ryan, please?"

I ignored his plaintive tone and went through to the bedroom and kicked off my shoes, swinging my legs up onto the bed and opening my book. I was in no mood to read, but I didn't want to be doing nothing when he followed me into my room. I stared fixedly at the page in front of me and tried to make sense of the words. Alex didn't follow me, there was silence from the living room, and just as I was beginning to wonder what was going on, I heard the front door banging shut. He had left. I was stunned, rather than try to see what was wrong with me, rather than try to make things right, he had walked out. It occurred to me that I had been a little unreasonable, but I fought the feeling down. In every argument we had ever had, I always backed down first, I always made peace.

"Fine." I said to the wall. If he wanted to walk out, let him. I was in the right, and I was not going to let him make me feel bad about it. I got to my feet again and went to the kitchen to make a sandwich, flicking the TV on on the way past. He would come back, and when he did he would be suitable contrite, he just needed to run and work off some anger. I'd get my apology and everything would be fine. For now, I was going to enjoy my sandwich, watch some pulp on TV and enjoy the quiet. A good plan, but as anyone who has ever argued with a friend, let alone a boyfriend, knows it wasn't going to be that easy.

I waited. I did eat my sandwich and watch some TV but my mind less than half on what I was watching. I checked my watch, and then checked the clock to make sure my watch was working. I took out the letter and reread it several times. Then I waited some more, this time with some music playing on the stereo. Don't ask me what, I have no idea. I paced back and forth, I peered out the windows, I checked the time over and over, I tidied up the living room and finally, hours after he left, I cracked. Swearing to myself I kicked my feet into my shoes and grabbed my keys and a jacket. I had no idea where I was going to go looking for him, but I had to do something, other than staring at the walls.

Outside it was a little colder than I had expected, so I was glad of the jacket. I set out more or less aimlessly, simply wandering the streets, looking in our favorite bars and failing to find him in any of them. Well, at least he wasn't out getting drunk. I walked slowly in the direction of the park in the dark, there was a smudge of shadow on the bandstand that as I drew closer turned out to be a boy and a girl making out. I felt strangely cheated, like my special place had been invaded. They had no right o be there, spoiling my memories of the magical night I had spent there dancing slowly with Alex. I was running out of search options fast, and I could feel the tears starting to well within me, why had I been so hard on him?

As I walked, I tried to turn my recalcitrant thoughts to what had happened, and why I had reacted as I had. He had hit Derek before, and for similar reasons, and I hadn't had a particular problem with it. But the difference here was that it had been, in the movie theater it had been spontaneous. I deplore violence, and I particularly deplore someone who I thought I knew calculating and planning to go out and hurt someone else. I don't care what Derek did, and I don't care that it was very wrong and even that it was hurtful and directed at me. The act of violence in itself upset me, the fact that it was Alex angered me and the fact that he had lied to me disappointed me. He had to know I would be against it, he had to know that what he was doing was wrong, but he did it anyway. That made him every bit as bad as Derek in my book. Sure, I could understand the urge to get even, and I could understand the desire to hurt Derek for what he had done, but I have never believed that violence is the answer.

I turned my steps back towards town, planning on doing one more sweep of the bars and then go home to wait for him there, by now I was worried. I was worried that he had gone to find solace with some old girlfriend, or worse some new girlfriend. There was no sign of him in the bars as I did my second check, so it was with a heavy heart that I headed back towards the apartment, scuffing my feet as I went, hands thrust deep into pockets and hanging my head. By now it was completely dark, and the streets were deserted, lit by the faint glow from windows.

"Ryan?" I was startled by a voice speaking my name from the gloom. Tilting my head to see who it was in the dark, I could make out a shape sitting on a low wall. Glancing up I realized I was outside the dorm that Alex and I had both been in in our freshman year.

"Alex?" I whispered to the shape. It got up and moved towards me, coming very close and sliding its strong, familiar arms around me, pulling me close to him. I felt his warmth through the thinness of my shirt and all my senses were filled with him. "I'm so sorry." I gasped to his shoulders as he cradled me against him. So much for my resolve!

"You're sorry?" He asked quietly, his tone hard to gauge.

"Yes." I mumbled, my voice beginning to choke. I stopped speaking, not willing to trust myself to continue speaking. Instead I clung to him and allowed the tears to flow silently, desperately wishing we could turn back time to the wonderful weekend and pretend that all of this didn't happen.

"Don't be, Ry. Please." He stroked my hair. "Let's go home and talk, okay?"

I looked up and nodded, wiping the tears from the corners of my eye. There seems to be no middle ground for me, I'm always either joking or crying. To Alex's undying credit he puts up with my tears and never makes a comment about it, but then many of the tears I had shed since I had met him were more tears of joy than of sadness. He didn't smile at me, just looked into my eyes, satisfying himself that I was okay, then took my hand in his. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and we walked home together, my tears drying up and my nerves starting to jangle less. There was a calming, almost narcotic quality about his presence. We got to the apartment and took off our jackets, taking seats on the couch, leaning back into the corners so we were facing one another.

"How long were you sitting out there?" I asked quietly.

"Dunno." He replied with a slight shrug. "Since I left the apartment, I guess."

"Why?"

"I wanted to think, it was quiet here."

"You left. Why did you do that?" I asked him, careful to keep my tone neutral, unsure if I wanted to know the answer.

"You walked out on me." He answered quietly. "I didn't know what to do, I was..." he trailed off and gave me a sad little smile. "I guess it hurt that you turned your back on me. I don't know if I can explain it." He was struggling with his words, unable to find the right ones to express himself properly.

"I'm sorry about that, Alex, I was angry with you and I didn't want to fight." I squeezed his hand in what I hoped was a reassuring way. "Actually, that's not totally true, I walked out 'cause I wanted you to follow me." My voice dropped and I looked up at him sadly, waiting for him to shout at me for my manipulative behavior.

"I thought so." He smiled at me. "You're too predictable, Ry."

"You're not mad."

"No. I wasn't mad then and I'm not mad now. I was hurt. You keep saying we should talk more about stuff, be more open and then you try to play me like that." He shook his head.

"Alex..." I tried to cut him off, to apologize for my actions.

"But that doesn't excuse what I did." He continued, interrupting me. "Going after Derek like that was wrong, but what he did was just so wrong. He hurt me and he hurt you, I couldn't just let it go, could I?"

"I'm never going to agree that it was the right thing to do."

"I know that, Ryan. I know it wasn't right, I mean morally right, but on some level it was right." He stressed the last word. "I wanted to hurt him, for hurting you. I don't like that side of me very much, Ryan, I hate that side of me. But I was so angry. And I know that doesn't excuse what I did. But, still..." I listened quietly to that hesitant, halting little speech and was still gazing contemplatively at him when it occurred to me that, although the sentence was incomplete, he had finished.

"Alex, I don't know what to say. I can't agree that it was right, on any level. I just can't, I've seen too much violence and I know it never achieves anything but more violence. I wish you hadn't done this, but you have and it can't be undone." I too trailed off, unsure of where to go with this.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan." He mumbled.

"Don't tell me that if you don't mean it."

"I do mean it." He looked up into my eyes, defiance in his gaze. "I'm still not sorry I beat up Derek, but I am sorry I lied to you and I'm more sorry than you can believe that I did something that made you think less of me."

"Alex..." I seemed to spend a lot of time trying to get a word in with Alex, despite the fact that he was a man of so few words.

"I meant what I said, Ry, I don't care about anyone's opinion of me half as much as I care about yours. I want you to be as proud of me as I am of you. I want to be the kind of good person you are, you make me want to be." He blushed a little and had to drop his gaze from mine. For some reason the fight with Derek seemed less important now than it had. "I'm sorry, Ryan, I'm sorry, so, so sorry. I just don't know what more to say." There were tears on his cheeks, but with his head hung like that I couldn't see his eyes. The grip he had on my hands was tighter than ever though, and I just couldn't stop myself, I pulled him towards me and we wrapped our arms around one another.

"Shh, Alex, shh, let's not fight about it." I whispered to the top of his head.

"Don't hate me, Ry, please." He said through his tears. "I couldn't stand it, you're my rock, man, when you walked out of the kitchen earlier, when you turned your back like that it was like, like a cloud over the sun or something."

"Alex, it's okay, I don't hate you, I could never hate you." I gave him a squeeze and started a little rocking motion.

"I couldn't stand that, Ryan." He repeated pressing his face against my neck. "I never want to disappoint you, I love you so much, I want us to be together. Why am I so stupid?"

"Alex, you are not stupid. I know why you did it, I understand." I was prepared to forget what he had done now, if only to get him to stop! Man, but it was good for my ego to hear him say all the things about me I had been thinking about him, but he was so obviously horrified at the idea that he might have upset me. I couldn't stand to see him in pain like this, and it was more important to me now to make him stop crying and to hear him laugh that any other consideration was a poor, poor second. "I'm really sorry too, Alex, for earlier I mean. Now, let's drop it, okay?"

"'kay." He mumbled as I pushed him away from me, hands on both his shoulders. I reached up and raised his chin, making him look at me. His eyes were a little puffy from crying and his usually wonderfully handsome face looked so miserable and forlorn.

"Jeez, well I hope Derek looks worse than you do, buddy." I joked.

"Ha!" He replied, wiping at his face. It was weird, this night reminded me so much of the day Julie split up with him. There had been a punch thrown then too, albeit at me. "Yeah, sort of."

"How sort of?" I queried.

"Well, he'll have a few bruises." He still didn't smile at me. "Listen, Ryan, it isn't like we held him down and beat him. Blair didn't touch him, he was just there."

"So what happened." I asked. There was a long pause.

"Let's have a drink, then I'll tell you." He stood up and crossed the room to the bottle of Jack Daniels we always kept in the apartment, pouring a glass for each of us. I accepted it gratefully as he resumed his seat next to me, squeezing my thigh firmly.

"So?"

"So I was waiting for him and he came along with this big grin on his face when he saw me and asked if I had enjoyed the weekend. So I knew it was him that sprayed the door, I asked him if he did it and he gave me some wise guy answer. You know? Evaded it?" He looked up at me and I nodded my comprehension. "So I punched him."

"Was he surprised?" I asked after a long pause where it became apparent there was to be no more.

"Yeah." He smiled faintly, well almost smiled. "But I didn't break his nose this time, got him on the side of the head. He swung back, and the rest is kind of a blur."

"I see." I said quietly.

"I saw red, Ry, I don't know what happened. I was so angry at him for being so petty, so stupid, I just wanted to hurt him. Even once he was down I kept kicking him until Blair pulled me off him."

"So you won?"

"I guess that depends how you look at it." He mumbled, looking away again and finishing his drink in one gulp. How could I stay angry at him when it was so obvious how sorry he was for what he had done and how ashamed of himself. There was no punishment I could inflict on him that was going to be worse than the way he was beating himself up inside his own head. "I'm sorry, Ry, I'm so dumb, such an idiot."

"I already told you not to say that, or you're going to have to deal with me." I slapped his shoulder in a hearty way, hoping to break the mood and ease the tension.

"I thought violence wasn't the answer." He replied with a grin, catching my wrist and pushing me away roughly. Before I had a chance to protest he was practically on top of me, kissing my neck and cheek and mumbling over and over how sorry he was and how lucky to have met me. Which was ironic, as it was almost exactly what I was thinking.

"You can't get round me this easily." I gasped after a particularly pleasurable kiss. "I'm still really mad at you." But even to myself it sounded weak.

"I know." He sat up and looked at me, suddenly serious again. "It'll never happen again, Ryan, I don't ever want to feel the way I felt today when you wouldn't even look at me, it was unbearable."

"Well don't act like a muppet, then." I replied with a laugh and kissed him on the nose. If I hadn't laughed then I'd have been the one in floods of tears. I'm meant to be in touch with my emotions, but I just can't deal with them; I either cry or I make stupid jokes.

"Okay." He said with an agreeable nod, swinging himself into a sitting position and then lurching to his feet. "Let me apologize properly?"

"How?" I asked coyly, knowing exactly what he meant.

"Come to bed with me, Thomson, or I'll kick your ass." He instructed me with a broad grin, which lit up his face wonderfully and made my stomach lurch with an excess of emotion for this boy. Which emotions, I'm not a hundred percent sure, mostly love but there was all sorts of other stuff mixed in there too. He held out his hands and cocked his head on one side, another little 'Alex-ism' that I had become amazingly fond of. I took his hands gratefully, relishing the warmth and strength and slight roughness of them, his gentle grip helping me to my feet.

Can there be anything better than make-up sex? It's almost worth having a fight just for the sake of the sex afterwards; almost, but not quite. Alex took me to bed and for a change we both undressed on our own sides, stripping off and sliding under the covers separately before sliding closer together. Our touches were tentative at first, hesitant as though we were just discovering one another for the first time; all over again! Soon passion took over though and I lay back and enjoyed Alex's probing tongue and fingers as they swept back and forth across my body, making me squirm and groan. And opposed though I was to violence, if I got this treatment every time something like this happened then he could become a prize-fighter!

"Forgive me?" He mumbled into my shoulder.

"Maybe." I replied, knowing what the game was.

"Guess I'll have to try harder." He replied, and I could feel the grin and the laugh more than I could see or hear either one.

"Yup." I grunted as he burrowed under the sheets and turned his attention lower, I missed his longer hair as there was nothing now to bury my fingers in properly. Still, just stroking his hair and gripping his shoulder felt good and made it easier to keep control of myself as he directed his increasingly expert mouth to my groin. "Oh yes! That's more like it!" I gave a combination of a sigh and a chuckle and then lapsed into silence as he applied himself to the task.

"I want you." I managed to grunt after a few minutes of that. I wanted him desperately, I wanted to feel his strength and his energy, to experience his passion in the most direct and intimate way possible. I pulled his head up, his face was slightly flushed, and I looked directly into his eyes. "Make love to me, Alex."

"Anything you say." He grinned back at me. "And I really am sorry, Ry. If you, well..." He trailed off and looked away, chewing on his lower lip, finally though he looked back at me. "If you want me to go apologize to Derek I will." The words came out in a rush, and I knew he was making a big concession, in his mind he really had done nothing wrong, so to apologize for it was unthinkable. For me, he would do the unthinkable.

"No." I smiled back at him, deeply touched by his words. "Concentrate on apologizing to me, that'll do."

With a grin of happiness and maybe a touch of relief, he flipped the sheets back over his head and disappeared from my view. I may not have been able to see him, but let me tell you, my entire universe consisted of a little sphere round where I knew his head to be. Moments later he erupted again from under the sheets, a huge grin plastered across his face, his hair disordered, and before I could so much as make a sound, he had rolled onto his back carrying me with him so I was on top. Learning from previous instances, we had moved the condoms to a drawer in my night-stand, so there was no need to interrupt our activity and cross the room for them! Necessity truly is the mother of invention.

"Like this?" He asked me, running his hands up my ribcage and making me shudder, a playful little smile on his lips and amusement in his big, brown eyes.

"Works for me." I replied, leaning forward to kiss him gently. At least, that has been the plan, but it turned into a full-blown, tongues and all kiss with surprising speed.

"Yeah, you like being in control." He tickled me a little, making me squirm. "Don't ya?"

"Maybe." I replied, giggling. "But I think you ought to work for forgiveness. Don't you agree?"

"I guess." He attempted a shrug, but I could see he was less ambivalent about it than he would want me to think.

"So get to work, stud." I ordered him. "Show me you're a real man."

"Yes, sir!" He replied pulling me down for another kiss and rolling me easily back onto my back. A questing hand soon found a condom, unguided by his eyes which stayed fixed on mine without blinking, and with practiced ease he put it on unaided. I smiled my encouragement up at him as he sought entry, and reached down to help guide him to his goal. He bit his lower lip again as he pressed forward past the tight resistance and gave a low groan at almost exactly the same time as I did. I shuddered as I felt him move still deeper, taking his time, terrified, despite all out recent practice, that he would hurt me. The look of concentration on his face, the slight apprehension in his eyes, made my stomach roll once more and goose flesh break out all over my body. I allowed my eyes to slide closed, and arched my body upwards to meet his strokes as he began to establish the most glorious rhythm.

The noises I was making were wholly involuntary as the man I was so proud to call me boyfriend, the most beautiful human being I had ever met, concentrated all his attention and energy on our mutual pleasure. Over the weeks, Alex had slowly been learning the fine art of communicating with your lover, and not about dinner plans any more! As he fucked me slowly and gently, he pressed closer, wrapping me in his arms, his face against my shoulder or my neck, his lips to my ear murmuring to me, asking how close I was, saying how good it felt, telling me how much he loved me. It made me feel like his whole world revolved around me, like I was everything that mattered to him. In actual fact, it was just a method he had learned to employ to know when to go faster and when slower, obsessed as he was with timing our climaxes so we always came together. And, Alex, perhaps because of his concern about it, was the only man I had ever been with who could bring me to orgasm purely by fucking me - a rare gift, and one I was definitely keeping all to myself!

"Oh, God, Alex, I'm almost there." I gasped, my erection rubbing back and forth against the rippled concavity of his belly.

"Me too." Was his muffled response as his magnificent body worked feverishly against me. We both fell silent after that or, at least, no further words were spoken. He concentrated on his task, and I concentrated on the intensity of the feelings he was causing in me, gasping with each measured inward thrust and groaning with each slight withdrawal. He groaned too, his fingers pressing more forcefully into my skin his mouth sucking and biting at my shoulder, adding another hickey to go with the others he had placed there. And then it began to happen, that glorious feeling of no return, where you wish you could make it last forever but you know you can't. The delicious pressure mounted and all I was capable of was an inarticulate growl of pleasure as my entire body stiffened, I felt Alex make a few more spasmodic, irregular thrusts and felt more than heard a low moan from deep inside him as we both came.

"Wow." He mumbled against my chest as his body sagged against mine. I made no response, just lay still and ran my hands gently up and down his back, enjoying the warm comfortable glow and the feeling of intense connection with Alex. He slowly rolled off me and withdrew gently from me, disposing of the condom as my hand pawed limply across the sheets in search of his. When I found it, I squeezed gently and he squeezed back, and it felt like he was transferring his strength into me in that wonderful, silent moment of utter bliss.

"You're forgiven." I finally managed to mumble.

"You sure?" He asked, slight amusement in his tone. "Only I think maybe I should apologize one more time, just to be on the safe side." He rolled on to his side facing me and began tracing delicate little patterns up my bare chest with his fingertip. I giggled and swatted his hand away, spent for the time being, but Alex is nothing if not persistent and eventually I had to give into his tender charms. The second time was much slower, much more languorous than before, both having gotten off so recently it took much more dedication on his part to produce the inevitable outcome. Not, you have to understand, that either one of us was complaining. Did I mention that there's nothing in the world better than make-up sex?

Life went on much as normal after that, I hate being mad with Alex for two very distinct reasons. I hate being mad at him, because being mad at anyone makes me feel ill, it upsets my stomach and throws off my concentration - I don't get mad, I'm a rational person. Second reason, is that Alex in disgrace is like a kicked puppy. He mopes around and tries really hard to get back into your good books with little affectionate gestures and he looks at you! I can't stay mad at him when he just looks at me like that with those big, brown, dopey eyes, so forlorn and droopy. So you see why I had to forgive him, that and the sensational sex, there was just no way I could be around him and stay mad.

Wednesday was hectic. I fought my way through hordes of people at the mall and in the market getting provisions and sundries for the big day on Thursday. I don't know about you, but Thanksgiving is without a doubt my favorite holiday. It's just so uncluttered, sure there's a hell of a lot of effort in it if you're the poor schmoe who got stuck doing the cooking, but the fact that there's no cards or gifts or any of the other Hallmark holiday shit really makes it special to me. It's not commercial, it's about what it's about. End of story. So I threw myself with abandon into the shopping and the preparations. I had my little elf to help though and I supervised Alex with a critical eye as he rendered our living room spotless and polished every surface until it shone.

"I should've gone to the pool." He called to me as he polished the dining table and I sorted ingredients in the kitchen.

"Why?" I called back, uninterested in his answer.

"'Cause it would have been less like hard work than this." He informed me as I leaned on the door frame to look at him. He was polishing away, rag in hand, yellow gloves on to stop his fingers wrinkling and the sleeves of that ratty old check shirt rolled up.

"Silence, slave." I instructed him and, unsurprisingly, he threw the rag at my head.

"Hey!" I cried. "Those don't grow on trees, lose it and I'll chop that shirt up instead."

"You do that, sexy, and I'll be forced to hurt you." He replied with a scowl.

"You're going to sing?"

"Oh, you're so funny." He sighed. "Give it back." I tossed the rag back to him and returned to the kitchen with a chuckle. Round one to Thomson, a low blow as he had a pretty fair singing voice, but facts are irrelevant when you're down a few points. Besides, I knew I could get away with it, Alex was being super-nice to me in case I was still smoldering about the Derek thing - and Alex being super-nice is something you want to be on the receiving end of, let me tell you. And I have to tell you, because you can't have him! Remember how it used to amuse and anger me when Alex got all possessive about me? Well, he's mine, mine, mine! Now how childish was that? Mine!

The final guest list had shaped up pretty well, though we had had a last minute addition as late as Tuesday as my buddy Ben added his new boyfriend. So the final list was Alex and Me, Ben and Steve, Blair and Natalie, my friend Elaine and Rick from the swim team. An impressive line up of four gay guys (assuming Alex counted), two straight guys, a straight girl and a bisexual girl. Natalie and Rick I felt sorry for as they were strangers to our bizarre little group, everyone else already knew each other if not well then at least by name. That said, they were all really nice people, I had never met Natalie but I didn't imagine Blair would be dating a harridan, and I was feeling pretty confident that things would go well.

We were expecting the first of them to arrive around ten for the game, so I pulled a complaining Alex out of bed around seven in the morning to get the turkey in the oven and I set him to work in the kitchen peeling potatoes. I'd had dinner parties before for more people than this without a problem, but I knew that I had the specter of everyone's mother looking over my shoulder as I prepared this meal and I was worried it wouldn't shape up. Alex did his best to calm me down, telling me how great everything smelled, how nice the apartment looked, how wonderful I was. And sincere though he was it didn't really help, eventually I snapped and told him to go shower and change and get the hell out of my way.

"Okay." He replied agreeably, not losing his temper with me to his immense credit. He had done easily half the work and probably more, while I fretted and barked instructions, but he stayed cheerful and helpful throughout. I fussed around the kitchen for a few minutes more before I followed him through to the bedroom where he was dressing as I went and took my own shower. When I got out he was sitting on the bed, kicking his feet back and forth and he looked up with a grin when I came in. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, sorry about that, Alex."

"No problem, Ry, don't worry about it, everything's going to be great." He stood up and crossed the short distance to where I was standing and pulled me to him by the waist, and hugged me gently. "Trust me."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Hey, that's what friends are for." He grinned down at me. "Now pretty as you are, I think you should get dressed." He was right, Blair and Rick were supposed to be there any minute and I still had had a lot more to do. Thankfully, football cannot hold my interest (on anything more than a superficial level) so I could concentrate on the rest of the dinner while the 'boys' got a head start on the beer. Alex looked truly amazing in his soft gray silk button down shirt and smart gray pants, the plainness of his outfit setting off his natural beauty. I went for a more preppy look with light khaki pants and a blue shirt with a fine green check through it which Alex maintained, like the friendship bracelet, went with my eyes. I was still hugging him when the doorbell rang and he released me to go answer it, slapping my on the ass as he left the room.

"Go cook, bitch." He said with a wink and I shook my head sadly and obeyed.

"Blair! Buddy!" I heard from the door and then a chorus of 'Happy Thanksgiving' and 'Hey, Alex' followed. I wiped off my hands and sauntered out of the kitchen, trying to look like I was totally at ease with the situation. "Ryan, this is Rick."

"Hey, Rick." I took the proffered hand and shook. A brief look of uncertainty passed over Rick's face, possibly because I have a firm dry handshake, and then he grinned broadly at me.

"Good to meet you, Ryan."

"You too." I replied, smiling back at him.

"The man who made Hayes punch out Derek has to be a good guy." He laughed, as did everyone else, I blushed a little and then joined in with the hilarity.

"And this is Natalie." Alex continued indicating the very attractive girl standing beside Blair. She was an extremely striking young woman, tall, shapely with thick glossy black hair, and the blackest eyes, I guessed she was at least partly oriental.

"Ryan." She said, taking my hand and smiling shyly.

"Natalie. Blair never told us you were so beautiful." I said, taking her hand and clasping it lightly. To my unending pleasure she blushed and looked away, I've still got it!

"Hands off, Thomson." Blair joked punching my shoulder with a laugh. "Here, a contribution from Rick and me." He handed me a bag which had the distinctive clink of beer bottles.

"Thanks, Blair."

"Alex, can you handle drinks?" I asked, taking the beers through to the kitchen to put them in the fridge. Luckily Alex and I had put a good supply in already, enough to get people started. He took coats and saw everyone was comfortable and then joined me in the kitchen for the first of the beers and to open some white wine for Natalie.

"What do you recommend?" He asked, brushing past me.

"There's a Soave in the door of the fridge." I informed him. "And you can pour me a glass of it too, before you leave."

"Your wish is my command, my love." He kissed me on the back of the neck as he reached around me to get some glasses.

"You two are the cutest couple." Natalie said from the doorway and we both spun on the spot like guilty schoolboys. She sauntered into the room and accepted the glass from Alex with a smile. "Blair said you did."

"Blair said?" Alex asked, his mouth hanging open.

"Go watch the game, Alex." Natalie laughed, an absolutely lovely laugh. "Ryan and I can handle dinner." He nodded and scooped up the beers eager, it seemed, to get away. "Oh, and talk about you boys." Alex stopped in his tracks, and shot a mute appeal in my direction but I simply smiled wickedly at him and, knowing he was beaten, he retreated.

"Deftly handled." I said inclining my head at her and raising my glass.

"Men are scared of me." She said with a smile, and I could see why, she was obviously smart, unquestionably beautiful and seemed totally in control, she was the perfect match for Blair. There was the sound of happy chatter from the living room, laughter and the clinking of beer bottles and memories of Thanksgiving when I was a kid filtered back to me. I'll spare you the platitudes about it being a simpler time then! Natalie proved a more than able assistant in the kitchen, and seemed grateful to have someone to talk to, and the two of us got on famously. I learned that she was from Oregon, but her mother was Samoan, which was kinda cool, and that she was 22 also and a grad student in philosophy of all things. She had met Blair, and here the truth comes out, at a seminar given by a visiting professor, seems our young track star was something of a closet intellectual.

Alex had been a most willing helper, but there's no substitute for actual ability, between the two of us we made short work of it and were able to relax and chat. Time just seemed to shoot by as we discussed everything under the sun and we were having a really good time. A little after eleven the phone rang, it was my mother, and I chatted to her for a while, a fairly stilted conversation at best, I exchanged pleasantries with my father and my sister came on the line long enough to tell me to go play with Alex. All in all, a less depressing Thanksgiving phone call than I had been used to. Around noon, the doorbell rang and Alex forewent the football long enough to let Ben and Steve in, and to his great credit didn't flinch away when Ben kissed his cheek in greeting. Steve, never having met him before went with offering a hand, which he shook vigorously and probably squeezed a tad more than was strictly necessary.

"Hey, guys." I said coming out of the kitchen again. "This is Natalie, Rick, and you know Blair already. Guys, this is Ben and his boyfriend Steve." Greetings were exchanged all round and even Rick seemed to be coping with things. Steve, it turned out was a big football fan so he joined the boys round the TV and Ben came into the kitchen with Natalie and myself, heaving a great sigh as he did.

"I have never seen the attraction of that game." He announced hopping onto a stool and pouring himself a huge glass of wine. "And, that, let me say, is an absolutely gorgeous dress." He waved his arm towards Natalie who smiled and thanked him.

"Oh, I don't know." I said, speculatively. "The uniforms are pretty sexy."

"Oh, please!" It was Natalie who got there first and I practically heard Ben's teeth click back together. "You're living with the stud of the swim team, why would you even look at the football blockheads?"

"I..." I started to answer.

"Besides, soccer strips are much sexier." She laughed and clinked her glass against Ben's, he was, of course, laughing like a loon.

"One more like that, and I'm cutting you two off." I muttered, pouring the last of that bottle into my glass.

"Oh don't be such a Grinch, Ry!" Ben is the only other person who ever calls me that. "Open another bottle and drink a toast with us!"

"A toast to what?" I said reluctantly, as I pulled a second bottled from the fridge.

"A toast of thanksgiving." He replied his expression suddenly serious. How could I refuse? So I refilled everyone's glass and raised mine a little as he continued speaking, a grin spreading across his face. "Thanks to God for beautiful men, and for making enough to go around!" We all laughed uproariously and clinked our glasses together.

"What's the joke?" Blair stuck his head around the door, only to be rewarded by having the cork pitched at him by Natalie and another chorus of laughter. "Peace! I only came for beers." He raised his hands in surrender and entered the kitchen, slipping past Natalie and kissing her lightly as he did. The two of them moved so naturally together, I couldn't help but smile fondly at them.

"Men." Ben sighed.

"Speaking of which." Blair replied, as he stooped to get bottles from the fridge. "Steve is a serious football nut, isn't he?"

"Yes!" Ben laughed and shook his head at something that was obviously a source of some annoyance to him. "He has no gay-cred at all."

"He's cool." Blair shrugged.

"I certainly think so." Ben nodded sagely.

"And cute." Blair added as he left.

"Are you sure that boy's one hundred percent straight?" Ben asked Natalie as soon as Blair was out of earshot, a roar from the other room suggested that someone had scored a touchdown, or whatever.

"Oh, yes. He is, trust me." Natalie winked at Ben. "But he's very in touch with his feminine side." We all found this incredibly amusing, and I nearly missed the doorbell ringing again, signaling the arrival of the last of our guests.

"Ryan!" Alex called. "Get the door, buddy." I sighed and wiped my hands, using my forearm to wipe tears of laughter from my face and headed for the door. Alex was on the phone in the hall, telling his mother how much he was missing her, it was sweet. I brushed past him, deliberately, kissing his cheek as I did, making him blush despite his mother being thousands of miles away. It begged the question of how on earth he was going to come out to his parents, but that could wait.

"Ryan, darling!" Elaine cried throwing one arm around me and holding a large dish out to one side with the other. "Sorry I'm so late."

"Oh, no problem, Ben's been entertaining us." I replied, kissing her on both cheeks. Elaine has been a friend of mine since forever, she's one of the coolest people I know. She's a funny, lively, red-head (usually) who is just great to be around and is so nice, I've never known her have a bad word to say about anyone. I quickly performed another round of introductions and 'Happy Thanksgiving's in the living room to a less than attentive audience before whisking her off to the kitchen to meet Natalie and to add to the entertainment. The dish turned out to contain Elaine's famous pumpkin pie, which I had been looking forward to since we started this whole idea.

"I hope you've been behaving, Mr. Willis." Elaine announced as she kissed Ben on the cheek, taking a stool beside him as I got her a glass of wine. "Hi, I'm Elaine, and you must be the Natalie I've been hearing so much about."

"Yes, Ryan and Ben have been telling me stories about you too." Natalie smiled back.

"Oh, God!" Elaine groaned loudly and covered her face. "Wine, Ryan, now!"

"Oh, all good, really!"

"Oh?" Elaine looked up with a smile. "I'd like to hear them then, I didn't know there were any good stories about me." We all laughed together. Our conversation was fairly limited after that as everything was approaching readiness for dinner, so Natalie and Ben were dismissed to the living room leaving Elaine and myself to finish up. Truth is our kitchen simply isn't big enough for more people. Alex popped his head in to say the game was finished and to see if he could help with anything. I bit back a shout at him for getting underfoot and instructed him what drinks to take through and put on the table. To his great credit he managed to dodge around us and not get in the way too much getting the bottles, and even managed time to spin Elaine round and kiss her, much to her amusement. He seemed in really good spirits, in his element even, and was a hell of a lot more relaxed than I was.

Elaine and I quickly ferried the various dishes of green beans, sweet potato, mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread, stuffing and cranberry sauce through to the dining table which Ben and Natalie had made a really good job of setting earlier. Alex informed the masses that dinner was served and with appreciative comments and smiles everyone made their way to the table, leaving a collection of empty beer bottles around the TV. I withdrew to the kitchen once more to get the turkey, which had been resting for a while, and I returned bearing it aloft to enthusiastic applause. I blushed as everyone complimented me fulsomely on the delicious smells and the mouthwatering appearance of the meal spread before them. I smiled and murmured my thanks as best I could as Alex began to carve, we had earlier discussed and decided to forego a grace.

We had a thoroughly enjoyable meal, wildly overindulging as is the tradition. Conversation was fairly limited, as we were too busy stuffing ourselves, but what there was of it was light and pleasant. We talked about school, and how glad we were that it was approaching an end, we talked about our holiday season plans, about our families and about the idiotic things we had seen or done on previous Thanksgivings. Elaine's pie went down enormously well, and a few of the more porcine guests went back for more of that, Blair going so far as to have three slices to everyone's great amusement. It was very enjoyable, and I soon felt the tension of earlier on slip away as everyone was unstinting in their praise, conversely, Alex appeared to be getting more anxious and I was puzzled by his apparent unease.

"Well, Ryan, that was absolutely fantastic." Blair finally announced leaning back in his chair and slapping his belly with both hands. He had loosened his belt some time earlier, though he had one of the flattest stomachs I had ever seen, if anything Blair was in better physical condition than even Alex.

"You certainly seemed to enjoy it!" I replied with a laugh.

"Man, if I had a cook like you I'd weigh four hundred pounds." He grinned broadly, Alex blushed and Natalie hit his arm. I never knew quite how to take Blair's jokes, so on this occasion I contented myself with my usual anti-Alex tactic of shaking my head and smiling in a pitying way.

"You nearly do." Natalie interjected, saving me from having to come up with an answer of my own.

"You know, at home we always go round the table after dinner and say one thing we're thankful for." Steve said quietly, he'd said very little so far, being a man of very few words at the best of times and he got immediate silence. Being the center of attention was the last thing he wanted, and he colored instantly as he stammered on before trailing off completely. "You know, one at a time, we each, um, say one thing. It's kinda dumb I guess."

"It's not dumb at all!" Surprisingly it was Elaine who came to his rescue.

"No. It's a great idea." Natalie added, and Steve allowed a smile to spread across his face, pleased that we had taken so well to the idea.

"So who wants to start?" Ben asked the group, and I could see him squeezing Steve's hand under the table. There appeared to be nobody who was willing to go first, we all cast apprehensive glances at one another. "Okay, then, I will." He paused for a moment in thought, and then a small smile appeared on his lips and he spoke clearly with wonderful sincerity. "Okay, I'll take the easy ones. I'm thankful for friends, and the great gift of friendship." There was a general murmur of approval and a raising of glasses in agreement, smiles all round and glances cast to and fro. Suddenly it didn't seem like as foolish an idea as perhaps it had.

"Um, well, I guess I'm thankful for this meal, and to Ryan and Alex for inviting us all. And, I guess, to God as well for his bounty." Steve was second, his voice hesitant, but clear enough, his eyes cast down, there was a general murmur of approval.

"I'm thankful for all sorts of things." Natalie started, and then paused to think, taking a sip of wine. "Right now, I'm particularly thankful for the diversity and growing tolerance which are beginning to shape our society." She finally pronounced and there were several quiet smiles around the table as we each interpreted her words in our own way.

"All the good ones are gone." Blair complained. "I don't know what to say now. Um, let's see..." There was some good-natured prodding as Blair's silence lengthened. "Oh, okay, how about being thankful for the gift of laughter?" There were some chuckles. "And mostly for being able to laugh at ourselves, and 'see ourselves as others see us'."

"See, you got there in the end!" Alex laughed from the end of the table.

"Yeah, we'll see when we get to you, Hayes." Blair muttered darkly.

Rick was next, and he looked decidedly uncomfortable, squirming in his chair as he thought about what to say. "Health." He finally announced. "I'm thankful for health and fitness." He seemed relieved to have come up with something.

"Aren't we all." Ben answered from across the table with a wink and a raised glass. Everyone thought this was hilarious as we all knew exactly what he meant, Rick turned crimson and looked to Elaine for support and a quick escape from being the center of attention.

"Oh leave the boy alone, Willis, you pervert!" She instructed Ben with a fond smile, and from the way he jumped I guess she kicked him under the table. "We do this in my family too, and my dad always says he's thankful for peace and low taxes. But I think I might say something else, Ben said friendship, I'm going to say family, our little surrogate family here round this table."

That was strangely touching to me, it reminded me very much of something Alex had once said to me and I was in a happy little reverie when Elaine nudged me and told me it was my turn. "Well, everything I value most has been said already, friends and family especially." I smiled at our guests and pressed my leg against Alex's under the table, only to feel his hand come gently to rest on my knee. He smiled gently at me and I caught Blair grinning like an idiot out the corner of my eye. "So I'm going to say youth. I'm thankful for youth and the chance to meet new people, try new things and to know that our whole lives still lie ahead of us." Not the best one, but it held particular significance for me and everyone spared my feelings and drank a little toast to it.

"I guess that just leaves me, huh?" Alex murmured, not shyly as such just quietly and to the surface of the table. If I knew him this was sheer torment for him, he hated having to speak in public and even had real trouble expressing himself to me. He placed both hands flat on the table and raised his eyes to look at us all. His color was a little high, but his eyes were bright. "Well, I'm sorry guys, but I'm gonna have to do a real personal one." He reached for my hand and took it in his. "This year a whole lot of things in my life have changed and I've had to do a lot of thinking."

"That must have hurt." Blair said with a grin.

"Yup." Alex nodded without missing a beat. "Yup, it was difficult. I'm not a big thinker, I guess nothing much ever happened in my life that I had to think too hard about. Things just kinda worked out. It was like there was a current, you know?" He looked around to see if we were following him and I gave him a half smile and an encouraging nod. His audience was rapt, this was more than some of the people there had ever heard him say in one go. He cast his eyes downwards again. "And all I had to was let it carry me along, which was easy enough 'cause I thought it was taking me where I wanted to go. But the thing about currents is they can be deceptive, and you can get swept along and, you know, lose control of things. And even though it's easier to go with the flow, it's not always the right thing to do. But what you need in that situation is for someone to throw you a line. For me, that someone was Ryan. He came into my life and he opened my eyes, made me see things like they really are, made me stop and look at myself long and hard. Since I've known him he's never been anything but honest, loyal, generous and patient and more than all that he's given me, without any conditions, his love. So you ask me what it is that I'm thankful for, and I tell you quite simply, the best thing to have ever happened to me, the man I love; Ryan James Thomson."

And so saying he reached out, taking my chin in his hand and kissed me on the lips, right there at the table in front of everyone. My heart stopped, my stomach lurched and my breath caught, my mind whirled. He had kissed me often enough in the past, and he had certainly kissed me with more passion, but that was the single most earthshaking kiss he had ever given me. There was a noise, just outside the sphere of existence, there was a definite noise. Clapping. The people round the table, there were of course still people round the table, were applauding us. I blushed beet red and pulled away from Alex who was also scarlet and grinned moronically at our guests.

"That was beautiful." Ben announced, placing one hand on his chest and fanning his face with the other. "I need a drink."

"Very touching, guys." Elaine added with a laugh. "But, Alex, you murdered that analogy.

"I guess you topped mine, Hayes." Blair said, getting to his feet and raiding his glass. "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our hosts, Alex and Ryan, wonderful people, great friends and a truly beautiful couple." He smiled fondly at the two of us and they all joined in the toast with a chorus of 'Alex and Ryan'.

"Thanks, you guys." I mumbled, unable to meet anyone's gaze, my hand still in Alex's. He was grinning that same slightly insane, glassy grin he had worn the night he had punched Derek in the movie theater.

"You need a glass of water there, Hayes?" Rick asked with a chuckle.

"Huh?" He seemed to snap out of it a little. "No, no thanks, I'm fine. Just surprised myself a little." He smiled more normally.

"Seems to be happening a lot, buddy." Blair threw a piece of cornbread at him from the other end of the table and the moment was over as Alex returned fire.

"Stop!" I shouted at both of them, holding my hands up and performing a near flawless impersonation of my mother. "There will be no food fight! Blair, Alex, I knew we should have put you two at the children's table."

"You're too funny, Ryan." Blair responded and threw another piece, this time at me. Thankfully things didn't degenerate too much and after a short and fitful food fight, not too much mess being made, we all returned to our idle chatter. We moved to the more comfortable seats, abandoning the table and the dishes to another time and settled back, me in an armchair and Alex on the floor between my feet, resting his head back on the seat between my legs. We talked and finished off the wine and beer, according to our tastes, and I played with Alex's hair and everyone just relaxed in one another's company. Blair and Natalie eventually made coffee for us all, insisting that I stay just where I was, which I was more than happy to do. They took rather longer at it that could possibly have been necessary, but really, who was I to criticize?

"Well, gang, I should call my folks." Rick finally announced after he had drained his coffee cup. He pushed himself to his feet and Alex scrambled upright too to shake his friend's hand. "Thanks for today, buddy." Rick said with a big grin, slapping his shoulder.

"Thanks, Rick." Alex replied.

"See you guys around, and if not I hope you all have a real happy Christmas too."

"Ahem." Ben cleared his throat.

"Or Chanukah, sorry, Ben."

"No problem. It was nice meeting you Rick."

"Bye, Rick. Happy Thanksgiving!" We all called as Alex walked him to the door.

"You know, we should get going too." Ben murmured, stroking the back of Steve's hand.

"We should?" Steve replied. "Oh! Oh, yeah, um, stuff to do." Which got him a chorus of laughter and pulled faces.

"Yeah, me too." Elaine said. "Any chance you can drop me off at my place, Ben?"

"Sure thing, hon." The three of them rose and Alex and I called our good-byes to them from the door; Ben pausing briefly before following Steve down the stairs. "I hope you two guys are really happy together, Alex you're one of the nicest guys I've ever met and Ryan deserves to be with someone like you. And Ryan, I hate you, you utter bastard!" This last was said with a laugh and he kissed both of us on the cheek before calling a cheerful farewell and bounding down the stairs after his own boyfriend. I shook my head at Alex who laughed out loud and slapped me on the back as we returned to the living room and to Blair and Natalie.

"Well guys, it's been great, but we should probably let you two be alone." Natalie said as we returned.

"Um, yeah, let you get on with the cleaning up." Blair added in a tone of voice that conveyed as loudly as a shout what he really thought the chances of that were.

"Pervert." Alex muttered.

"Listen, Hayes. That was a really touching little speech, but I need you to do me a favor, okay?" Blair asked, placing his hand on Alex's shoulder.

"What?"

"Talk to him more." He replied simply. "Don't clam up on him, it makes him nuts." Blair had noticed that? Well, the boy never failed to surprise me. Alex smiled and then, as much to my surprise as Blair's, yanked his friend into a rough hug.

"Thanks, Blair."

"No problem, now lemme go, you big ape." Blair's voice was muffled until Alex released him. "I'm not the one you should be hugging."

"Bye, Blair." I said, taking his hand and giving it a firm shake. "Natalie, really good to meet you."

"You too, Ryan. I hope you two are really happy together."

"Thanks. We are." I replied with a smile. Alex said nothing, but I could see from his face that he was trying not to let his emotions show. Finally, we were alone in the apartment and I closed the front door, turned and leant against it with a sigh. I looked at Alex in silence for a long time and then smiled fondly at him and held out my arms, he walked towards me and we hugged one another in silence for a long time. I was replaying Alex's speech in my mind and allowing the little shivers to run up and down my spine at the memory of it.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Ryan." He whispered.

"The happiest ever." I whispered back. "But, man, am I glad it's over."

"It's not over yet, Ryan." He stepped away from me and took both my hands in his leading me back into the living room and pushing me down into a chair. "Just the public part."

"Huh?" I asked demonstrating sparkling wit.

"Just sit there, shut up and look pretty, Ry." He instructed me and left the room, going into what was now the spare room. I heard a couple of drawers open and close and then he rejoined me in the living room. He walked over to me, his eyes sparkling and knelt between my feet, his butt resting on his heels, and looked up at me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, laughing at the serious expression on his face.

"Ryan, shut up please." He sighed, looked down and then returned his gaze to mine, I nodded, having a feeling I was about to find out what the source of his agitation was. "I meant what I said, Ryan, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about us, and about stuff you've said to me, and I guess maybe I've been a little slow." I didn't know where this was leading, but I think I mentioned before how Alex would think about stuff I had said and come back days later with a series of questions or a theory of his own.

"And?" I said, in order to fill the cavern of silence that ensued.

"And, I've been thinking about this since Meg was here. I tried to bring it up a few times, but it was never right, or I never had the guts for it. Or maybe I just wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, but now I am."

"Oh, much clearer." I replied, betraying my most annoying habit of making a joke to lighten a serious mood. Alex smiled up at me and shook his head. "Sorry, Alex, go on."

"Ryan, I love you."

"I love you too." I replied immediately and he reached up and pressed his finger to my lips with a little laugh.

"I know, Ry, but let Alex talk now, okay?"

"Okay, Alex." I mumbled back as he removed his finger and renewed his grasp on both my hands with one of his.

"I love you completely. I've never felt about another person the way I feel about you. I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else, and I never want to. I want you, only you, all of you and I want you entirely to myself." He took a deep breath. "Ryan, I want us to be together, we can't get married, I know that, but I want to commit to you." With his free hand he held up a small velvet covered box and showed me the two silver rings nestling inside. "And I want to ask you if you would consent to commit to me."

I looked at him, my mouth slightly open, my mind racing and my heart thumping. I could be wrong, but I was willing to swear that Alex had just proposed to me. I had no conceivable response to that but to gape at him, my mind was frozen, no thoughts or emotions existed, I just couldn't process it. He looked up at me, my vision swam, but in the center of it, the steady point was Alex's handsome, honest, open, sincere face and his beautiful liquid brown eyes. It steadied me, and kicked my brain back into motion, adrenaline flowed through my system and I surged to my feet, heaving him off his knees and into my arms with more strength than either one of us would believe possible. Before my body could tell me that I was not strong enough for this, I had picked him up bodily and was spinning him round, knocking bottles and glasses over as we did. I lost my balance and the two of us crashed heavily onto the sofa, Alex gave a startled yelp and bucked violently, rolling me off and onto the floor with a crash. As I shook my head and looked up at him he pulled a beer bottle out from between two of the cushions and dropped it on the floor.

"So do I take that as a 'yes'?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes!" I cried, shuffling closer and kissing him full on the lips. "Yes, that is most definitely a yes. Alex, I've been committed to you since the day you moved in."

"I love you, Ryan." He said, kissing me too and grinning that special grin he used when things were going his way. "This time you can say it back."

"I love you too, Alex." He took my right hand and slid one of the plain silver bands onto my ring finger, it fit beautifully. I then did the same to him with the other ring, my hands shaking as I did so, looking up into his face, trying to fix the moment in my mind for all time. I leant forward and kissed him as we twined our now beringed fingers together gently.

"I want to be with you, like this, when I'm old and gray." He whispered against my neck, as I snuggled against him from my position on the floor.

"You will be."

"Is that a promise?" He mumbled, nibbling gently at my earlobe. "Or a threat?"

"Both!" I laughed, pushing him away. "Come on, you, we've earned an early night, don't you think?"

"Well I know I have."

"You?" I asked, aghast.

"I'm the one who was pulling KP at 7am, peeling the goddamn potatoes." He grinned at me and took my hand, leading me into the bedroom. "But I don't mind. I'd peel a million potatoes for you, my love."

"Alex, that has to be the most romantic thing anyone ever said to me." I said to him, desperately trying, and failing, to keep a straight face. We both cracked up and collapsed onto the bed together. After lying for a moment, drowsing gently, holding hands, Alex shook himself and stood up, pulling me into a sitting position. He undressed and then aided me to do the same, as I was suddenly terribly tired and my limbs felt dreadfully heavy. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the early start, the stress, the exertions of the previous night or the emotional roller-coaster of the day; whatever it was, I only remember kissing him a few times before I was blissfully and deeply asleep in his arms.

When I awoke on Friday morning, Alex was sprawled on his back, one leg drawn up and the other straight out, an arm flung over onto my side of the bed. Moving as quietly as I could, I slid from the bed and left the room, padding through the detritus of the living room and making my way to the kitchen. I quickly made two cups of tea and took a couple of aspirin to stave off an impending headache. As I waited in the kitchen for the water to boil, I twirled the ring Alex has given me round and round on my finger and smiled off into space like a moron. I could not have been more happy, but there was one more thing I had to do. Taking the two mugs, I went back to the bedroom and setting them on the night-stand rummaged in a drawer for the scholarship letter. I took it out of the envelope as I sat cross-legged atop the covers next to Alex, rereading the words. Then, with a sigh, I reached out and gently shook Alex by the shoulder.

"Huhn?" He grunted and rolled away. I pulled him back onto his back and gave him another shake, an arm flapped limply at my hand and then his eyes slid open slowly and a noise which may have been a word issued forth. "Wassit?"

"Morning, handsome." I said.

"Morn'." He grunted.

"Brought you some tea." I said as he pulled himself carefully into a sitting position and propping up the pillows so he could look at me and not have to support his own weight.

"Thanks." He blinked muzzily and accepted the mug.

"We need to talk." I informed him in sober tones as he took a sip.

"About what?" A look of apprehension flicked across his beautiful face and then he looked ill. "You haven't changed your mind?"

"No!" I laughed, squeezing his hand. "No, of course not, I love you, nothing's going to change that." He looked relieved and gave me a brave smile as he squeezed my hand back, perhaps more firmly than he needed to. I held the letter towards him as he put his mug down. "Here, read this."

"What is it?" He asked, taking it from me and starting to read. "A scholarship? Fully funded? Oxford? Ryan this is fantastic! I'm so proud of you, man, the competition for this must have been intense." He looked up at me, his face positively glowing and he yanked me forward for a warm hug.

"It starts next semester, Ryan." I whispered in his ear. "I'm going to turn it down."

"You certainly are not!" He informed me pushing me away. "Don't be so stupid."

"Alex..."

"Shut up and listen to me Ryan. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you'll never get a chance like this again. Most people will never even get within a sniff of a chance like this once in their lives. You have got to seize it, buddy, there's no thought, no arguments, you have to take this place." He smiled a dazzling white smile at me, his pride in me standing out in every line of his face.

"But what about last night?" I asked, confused.

"What about it, you asshole?" He asked, moving from happiness to anger without apparent transition. "Were you listening to what I said? Did you mean a word of what you said?"

"Yes, of course I did!" I protested.

"You love me?" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me roughly.

"Yes!"

"Unconditionally?"

"Yes!" I answered with vehemence, unable to comprehend his anger.

"And that's not going to change in the space of a few months is it?"

"No. Of course it isn't."

"Right. And I'm not going to stop loving you in that time either."

"I don't understand." I whimpered.

"I love you. You love me. We just made a commitment to one another, we talked about growing old together, so take the goddamn place and stop being an idiot. I'll be here when you get back, and I'll love you all the more."

"Alex, I don't want to leave you." I was almost in tears, finally I understood what he was driving at, but I was afraid. "I don't want to be without you, I'll miss you too much."

"You know, I think they've got phones in England now." He replied, switching back to being my beloved grinning Alex, pulling me close for another hug.

"I guess." I snuffled.

"I am so proud of you, Ryan. You're the most amazing man, you're brilliant, you deserve this. And if I have to pick you up and carry you onto the plane, you are going to Oxford and you're going to wow them over there too and make me even more proud of you than I am now." His voice was choking up with emotion, and he was gripping the hair at the back of my head almost painfully as he spoke, his face pressed to my neck. He pulled away and looked me in the eye, punctuating his words with little shakes like I was an errant kitten. "Do you understand me?"

"Yes." I mumbled through my tears, nodding my head and holding my arms out to him, wanting desperately for him to hold me again and to take away the pain.

"And anyway, it's weeks away still." He said as we hugged once more.

"I don't want to leave you. Not now, not now that everything's starting to work out."

"I don't want you to go either, Ryan. But you have to." He replied. I could hardly believe he was being this supportive, this brave and this selfless about the whole thing. It scared me to think of leaving him, it scared me to death to think that I would be thousands of miles away and I wouldn't be able to curl up with him and have him whisper to me and make my problems seem so small and trivial, to make me feel so loved and so special.

More than anything, it scared me and hurt me to think of him here, without me, alone.

THE END.

AFTERWORD

=========

Educating Alex has been far and away my most popular story, and the one I have most enjoyed writing although it was not always easy. It started as a one part story in my head one afternoon when I was getting nowhere with another project and grew beyond anything I could have predicted. This, however, is the last chapter of it. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who wrote to me over the months of its writing; for your thousands (literally) of messages of goodwill, for your praise, encouragement and support on the countless occasions when I wanted to just give up on it I owe you all.

So many of you have written to express your sympathy for or interest in the scenes and situations that I have portrayed, your support for the changes that Alex and Ryan have undergone you have made the characters the more real for me. I would love to continue hearing from you all, and as always you can email me at ardveche@ardveche.com or look me up on one of the IM programmes where I am always logged on as Ardveche. I have other projects I want to work on, but work on ALEX ALONE will start soon and it will be posted exclusively on my website as will full details of a competition I am holding where I invite you, the readers, to write a chapter of Educating Alex for yourselves: look it all up at http://www.ardveche.com. Until then, keep reading, and thanks once more. I love you guys.