This story is the final part of a six-part series called "Early Erotic Memories." It is completely true and accurately describes the author's personal experience. The story is for informational and recreational purposes only, and the author does not advocate any of the activities described. It should not be read by anyone under the age of eighteen.
- ADOLESCENT YEARNINGS
I clearly remember the statistics that marked my journey through puberty. Beginning in 1955, when I was twelve years old and in the seventh grade, I weighed 69 pounds (I was very embarrassed when we had to line up naked in gym class so the coaches could weigh us). Two years later, when I was fourteen and in the ninth grade, I weighed 98 pounds, a gain of almost 30 pounds. The following year, when I was fifteen and a sophomore in high school, I had shot up to 122 pounds, for an additional gain of 24 pounds. Puberty had increased my weight by about 77 percent (53 pounds) in three years! Even at that, I was a skinny kid. I don't remember how tall I was, but I assume I was close to my adult height of five feet, ten inches when I finished high school.
I started growing pubic hair in the fall of 1956, when I was thirteen years old and in the eighth grade. I clearly recall discovering the first dark wispy hairs just above my penis, and I was very proud of them, except in gym class, where the locker room and showers revealed that many of my classmates already had lots of hair between their legs and that a few even had some hair on their chests. However, by the time I entered the ninth grade a year later, I had grown a full crop of soft curly brown hairs around my penis and no longer felt at a disadvantage when I got undressed for gym. I experienced my first ejaculation around the beginning of June 1958, at the age of fourteen (as described in a previous story in this series).
Gym class in the seventh grade provided my first opportunity to see other boys my age and a little older completely naked, and I was amazed at the variety of body shapes and sizes. The first time I took a gym shower, I luxuriated in the hot spray for a long time (I usually took baths at home) and watched the other boys with great interest. Most other seventh graders were smooth and hairless, like me, but a few already had at least some pubic hair, including several who had been in my sixth grade class the year before. I must admit that I felt a little jealous. I quickly discovered that pubic hair was a topic of great interest among the boys in my gym class, and I remember hearing one of my friends asking another boy to push down the front of his gym shorts so he could take a look at the little hairs he was starting to grow. "Come on, Henry," he pleaded, "show me your blacks!" Henry complied, and we all got a quick peek.
Some of the ninth grade boys were fully matured, with bodies that seemed almost adult in both size and muscle development. They definitely interested me the most. There was one ninth grader in particular who caught my eye. Since he was in a different gym class, I never got to see him naked, but I certainly wanted to! His name was Doug, and he was a natural leader who was extremely popular with the other students and also with the faculty. In fact, he was active in sports and played on the school football, baseball, basketball and track teams, and he also served on the student council. He had black hair cut in a short flat top and lots of body hair all over, even on his arms and legs. That was something I had never seen before in someone who was only two years older than me. In addition, he was very nice looking and had the aura of an all-American boy about him (something I've always liked), so I quickly fell in love with him.
The overwhelming majority of boys who I saw naked in junior high were circumcised, like me. In fact, I didn't even see an uncircumcised boy until I was in the ninth grade, when there were three in my gym class. One became a close friend, because we had the same last name and stood next to one another in the alphabetical lineup for roll call. He was a nice guy, although I didn't feel attracted to him sexually. He really impressed me one day when a much bigger boy told him that he was going to beat the shit out of him. My friend replied, "Why, so you can eat it?"
When I reached the ninth grade, there were several boys my age who I secretly admired. One was named Sam, and I liked him because he had such a great personality. He was genuinely friendly and seemed to care a lot for other people. I never saw him naked, but that didn't matter. He was quite tall, with blond hair cut in a flat top, and had a very pleasant face. We were in the same English class, and I think our female teacher liked him as much as I did.
I also felt attracted to a boy named Ed. Although he wasn't a bully, he definitely came across as a tough guy, which made me a little uneasy. However, he also had one of the most beautiful bodies I had ever seen, which quickly smoothed his rough edges in my eyes. We were in the same gym class for a couple of years, so I got to see him naked almost every day, and he was spectacular. Tall and blond with a lean, well-muscled swimmer's build, he had incredibly tight and well developed muscles in his stomach and abdomen. He also had blond pubic hair, but other than that, he was completely smooth.
During my sophomore year in high school, Ed played the starring role in my first wet dream (I call it a wet dream, but it excited me so much that I actually woke up before I had a chance to ejaculate, even though I was th-a-a-a-t close). I dreamed that he was lying naked on his back on the concrete floor of the gym showers and that I was squirming around naked on top of him, rubbing my erection against his tight stomach muscles. For the next several days, I was deeply in love with Ed and his incredible six-pack.
During my first year of high school, yet another boy appealed to me sexually. Everyone in gym class called him by his last name, Boggioni, and he had one of the most beautiful bodies I've ever seen, with a perfect natural musculature and lots of thick dark hair covering his chest. He also had a narrow trail of hair growing down the center of his stomach and belly to his thick pubic bush, which captivated me from the first time I saw him naked.
One day when I was taking a shower after gym class with several other boys, Boggioni walked in to join us, his lean muscles rippling as he walked toward one of the available shower heads. Suddenly, he slipped on the wet tile and went sprawling across the floor on his back, his body spinning slowly around as he pulled his legs up into a fetal position. He came to rest after sliding about six feet, gripping his knees against his chest and with his upturned buttocks pointed directly toward the rest of us. His hairy cleavage was splayed wide open, and we could see his little brown anus clearly. Everyone started asking if he was okay, and he said yes as he quickly got up and turned on a shower, none the worse for his accident. I felt relieved that he hadn't been hurt, but I also was glad to have seen him on the floor. Without question, it was the most revealing and erotic sight I had ever seen, and it gave me lots of fantasy material for years to come.
In the tenth grade, a boy named Eddie had his gym locker right next to mine. He was an average-looking guy with blond hair, which he combed up on the sides in a style that was popular at the time. I liked him, because he was a cut-up and kept everyone laughing while we were changing in the locker room. One day, for some reason, he said something in a loud voice that implied to everyone around us that he was able to ejaculate, and he then said something like, "You don't cum unless you're a man!" I smiled when he said that and then looked down as I continued putting on my gym uniform, but he noticed me and said in a loud voice, "Look at that little shit! He knows what I'm talking about!" Since I was relatively small, I guess he assumed that I wasn't very mature and didn't know anything about sex.
One day, Eddie was standing on the bench in front of our lockers, wearing only his white cotton briefs, when a larger boy named Jeff came walking along the aisle, heading for the showers. I thought Jeff was very good looking, and I fantasized about him often. As Jeff passed behind Eddie, he jabbed his thumb into the seat of Eddie's underpants, right between his cheeks. Eddie jumped and said in a loud voice, "Whoa, he goosed me!" I thought about that scene for a long time afterward.
In the spring of my sophomore year, I joined the track team. Every boy who went out for intramural sports had to get a physical from the team doctor, and I happened to share my appointment at the doctor's office with three other boys. The first two were juniors: a blond boy whose name I forget and a Latino boy named Jesse. The other was a tall good-looking senior named Ken. We sat around joking in the waiting room until the nurse called us in to get weighed. Afterwards, she had us wait in one of the doctor's examining rooms, where I became a little nervous. I never liked getting physicals, although I was intrigued by the idea of getting one with the other three boys.
The doctor turned out to be a middle-aged man with gray hair, and he got right down to business. I don't think he had us take our shirts off, but he did tell us to stand side by side in a row, so he could check us one at a time with his stethoscope (I think he must have put the stethoscope under our shirts). I was the first in line, followed by the blond boy, then Jesse and finally Ken, the senior. Ken was my favorite, since he was solidly built and quite muscular, with a knock-out face and dreamy eyes. Jesse also had a lean, muscular body with thick black hair and a smooth chest, while the blond boy was very slender and had a cute face.
After the doctor had completed everything else, he told us to drop our pants for a hernia check, and we started unbuckling our belts. I was a little apprehensive, since I feared that I might get an erection, but as it turned out, I didn't. I also felt delighted at the prospect of seeing the doctor check the other boys, especially since I was first and would be able to pull my pants back up before they did. I quickly checked out the other boys as we pushed our pants and underwear down onto our thighs and then pulled up our shirttails for the doctor's inspection.
When the doctor started probing around my balls, I had to flinch, because it felt so uncomfortable (I always do that during a hernia check). I was glad when he finished. He told me that I had a slight medical condition on the left side, called a varicocele (which I and my parents already knew). The other three boys then started assuring the doctor that I was only going out for the broad jump, which wasn't very strenuous. It was gratifying to know that they were concerned about me and wanted me to pass the physical.
As I pulled up my pants and buckled my belt, the doctor moved on to the cute blond boy. To be honest, I don't remember what his penis or the other boys' penises looked like, although I do remember that we were all circumcised. The blond boy and Ken had light brown pubic hair, while Jesse's was jet black. After probing the blond boy's scrotum, the doctor told him that he also had a mild medical condition (I don't know what it was) and that he always should wear a jockstrap whenever he played sports. Jesse then made some snide comment about the blond boy and the doctor's diagnosis and started laughing, so when the doctor moved to him and began feeling him up, he said to the rest of us, "This man needs Kotex." That made us all laugh and seemed to put Jesse in his place.
Finally, the doctor moved to Ken, the boy I found most interesting. I watched intently as he began probing Ken's scrotum and testicles with his fingertips, telling him to turn his head and cough. How I wanted to feel that scrotum myself! Apparently, everything was fine, and the doctor told Ken that he could pull his underwear and pants back up. Some time later, I found out from one of my teachers that Ken had dropped out of school and wouldn't be graduating. I wondered what had happened, but I never found out.
The last erotic episode that year involved one of our coaches, a very good-looking man in his early thirties who also taught social studies and civics. In fact, I was in one of his social studies classes and liked him very much, since he was a kind and good-natured person. One day, I happened to go into the gym locker room right after school, I suppose to retrieve something from my locker. The coaches' office adjoined the boys' locker room, and there were several big windows in the wall next to the office door that allowed the coaches to keep an eye on us boys while we were changing and showering.
As I was leaving the gym after visiting my locker, I happened to look through the windows into the office. There stood Coach Beck, completely naked, drying himself off with a towel and talking to one of the other coaches, who was fully clothed. Apparently, he had just taken a shower in the coaches' private shower room. I was stunned. Quickly stopping at the bulletin board next to the windows, I pretended to be reading the announcements, although actually, I was checking out the coach's body.
He truly was a beautiful man, with blond hair (I think he was of Scandinavian descent) cut in a flat top and a very handsome face. His body was solid and well proportioned, and he had a beautiful bush of light brown pubic hair surrounding his circumcised penis and scrotum. His well-developed chest was basically smooth. I couldn't stop drinking in his beauty, especially when he put one of his feet up on a bench and started drying his leg. However, I knew I couldn't stand there long, because someone might get suspicious (after all, there weren't that many notices on the bulletin board!). So, after spending less than a minute trying to memorize the coach's appearance, I reluctantly pulled myself away and left the gym.
(After my dad, Coach Beck was the second grown man I had seen completely naked. That's not counting my counselor at the church camp I attended in the seventh grade, since I only saw him naked below the waist. His name was Don, and he was a tall, lean and fairly good-looking brunette in his late twenties or early thirties. One day, after taking a shower, he was sitting on one of the bottom bunks in our cabin. He already had his shirt on, but I did see him pull his underwear and pants up his legs, then roll back to lift his butt and pull them over his hips. I caught a brief glimpse of everything between his legs, and I remember he had lots of thick dark hair. Mmm!)
At the end of my sophomore year, my family moved to another part of town, and I started going to a different high school. It actually worked out well, because I liked my new school very much. The kids were friendly, and I also got to ride a bus to school, which I thought was kind of interesting. I quickly became infatuated with two guys who were very popular and extremely active in sports. The first was named Mike, and he played halfback on the varsity football team. Damn, he was a beautiful guy! He was more muscular than most of the boys I had been attracted to previously, with an extremely masculine face, a strong jaw and beautiful eyes. Since we didn't know one another (he was way too popular to be friends with a nobody like me), I had to be satisfied with worshipping him from afar.
For a part of one semester, Mike and I were in the same gym class, and I often got to see him naked in the showers. He was tall and had very broad shoulders, a smooth well-developed chest and the longest penis I've ever seen! It almost looked like a fire hose, hanging down between his legs a good eight inches. As impressive as it was, however, Mike's crowing glory in my eyes was his butt. One day, I happened to be standing nearby when he bent over to dry his feet and lower legs. Since he was facing away from me, I had an unobstructed view of his firm muscular buttocks stretched nice and tight, and I was totally impressed. On another occasion, I was drying myself at the entrance to the shower room while Mike was taking a shower nearby. Suddenly, he "let fly" and urinated on the shower room floor in a good healthy stream that lasted for about ten seconds. As he finished, he contracted his buttocks several times to squeeze out the last drops. Yep, Mike was a very attractive guy!
The other boy I felt drawn to was a star player on both the basketball and baseball teams. His name was Dave, and he was quite different from Mike. He was less bulky and muscular for one thing, and he also had a thick patch of jet-black hair in the middle of his chest, which his basketball uniform tank-top displayed very nicely (basketball uniforms definitely have lost their sex appeal since I was in high school!). He also had a handsome face with stunning brown eyes, and he wore his jet-black hair in a flat top with the sides combed up. Very sexy!
One afternoon when I arrived at my art class, the teacher said she wanted me to run an errand. One of the students in her last class, a player on the school's basketball team, had left without cleaning up his work station. So, she wanted me to take him a note saying that he had to come back and clean it. Well, it just happened that he was in the gym, suiting up for basketball practice. I eagerly accepted the errand, expecting to get an eyeful of naked basketball jocks.
When I got to the gym, the basketball team was indeed suiting up. Entering the locker room, I quickly spotted the boy I was supposed to give the note to; and standing right next to him, facing away from me at about a 45-degree angle, was Dave. He was almost completely naked, having just pulled on his jockstrap, and his buttocks were the most beautiful I had ever seen (even better than Mike's!). I still can picture him today, just as I saw him almost 50 years ago: tall and slender with a strong back and those two perfectly-shaped cheeks, the cleavage between them graced with just a hint of soft jet-black hair.
As far as other boys are concerned, I once got quite a memorable look at one of our school's male cheerleaders, a boy named Dale, when he was showering and drying off at the end of gym class. He was very handsome and popular, with blond hair that he kept real short and a moderately-hairy, nicely-developed body. He had just finished drying himself off and was shouting back and forth with a guy who was on the other side of our row of lockers. Suddenly wanting to see the guy, he stood up on our bench and grabbed the top of the lockers with his hands, then hoisted himself up so he was bent over the lockers with his legs hanging down and his butt right at eye level. I was standing just a few feet away and could see every one of the soft hairs that covered his cheeks and grew down into his crack. He was a beautiful guy, and it was the last truly memorable erotic sight of my high school years!
I'm sure you've noticed that none of the memories I've described in this story involve sexual contact with other boys. That's because I was deathly afraid in high school and for many years afterward that someone might find out I had homosexual feelings, and my life would be ruined. There was no gay rights movement in those days, and homosexuality was never mentioned or discussed. Perceived homosexuals were ostracized or attacked and often had difficulty finding employment. Beyond that, my religious upbringing had taught me that being gay was immoral and sinful. There was just no way I could let anyone find out the truth about me, so sex with another boy was out of the question. Instead, I retreated into celibacy and never attempted to meet anyone like myself until I was 32 years old. That's when I began coming out.
All of the boys I've described in this story were an important part of my life as a teenager, and I fantasized about each of them many times during my masturbatory sessions. Eventually, they became my cherished friends and role models, although they didn't realize it. Today, I often wonder what became of them. We were young men during the Vietnam War; did any of them serve in the military then, as I did, and were any of them killed or wounded? Also, where are they today? Are they happy and successful? Did they marry and have children? What types of careers have they had? Surprisingly, I still feel affectionate toward them, and I'm glad that I knew them as a teenager. I hope they've enjoyed their lives at least as much as I've enjoyed mine!
March 2008